06x06 - Off to Florida

[bunniefuu]

"Off to Florida"

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

(theme song ending)

(doorbell ringing)

Hi, honey.

Hi. What are you ringing the bell
for?

I couldn't find my key.

Don't tell me you lost your key
again.

Certainly not.
I haven't lost it.

I just couldn't find it.

That's the third key that you've lost
in one month.

Now, honey, let's not fight.

You're leaving tonight.

We're going to be separated for three
whole days.

Let's not spoil our last few hours
together.

All right, all right.

Hi, Mommy.

Hello, sweetie pie.

Well, what have we here?

I caught a fish.

Well, I'll say you did.

You're getting ready for Florida,
huh?

Uh-huh.

Mommy?

What, darling?

Why aren't you going fishing with us?

Well, just the men in the family are
going fishing, honey.

You and Uncle Fred and Daddy are
going.

Mommy and Aunt Ethel are going

to meet you down there in about three
days.

Oh, boy! We're gonna have fun!

You bet you're gonna have fun.

Say, you bought a lot of stuff,
didn't you?

Well, honey, you don't want me to
look tacky.

After all, you and your band are
appearing

at the Eden Roc Hotel.

Well, well.

Honey, I bought you a lot of things
for Florida, too.

Look at this.

See? You wear this on the boat.

There you are, Commodore.

Mommy bought you a bathing suit.

That's mine.

Yours?

Relax. It stretches when it's on.

See that it does.

Ricky, look at this, honey.

For a great big boy

who's going on a trip with his daddy,

he has just got to have a wallet.

Oh, boy! Thanks.
What's it for?

Oh, well, honey, it's to keep things
in.

You know, like money and pictures

and valuable things that you don't
want to lose.

See? It's just like Daddy's.

Just like Daddy's, there won't be
money in it.

Oh, push-tush.

Well, let me see now.

You're going on the Sunshine Limited.

You leave Penn Station Thursday at
: .

We'll meet you at the station in
North Miami.

Okay.

Now, make sure that you put these

in a place that you don't lose them.

Honey, sometimes you treat me just
like a child.

Have I ever lost any train tickets
before?

Yes.

Have I ever lost any train tickets

to Florida before?

We've never been to Florida before.

There you are.

Look, from here on, they're your
responsibility.

Well, honey, don't worry about them.

I'm going to put them right over here

where I know where they are.
Okay.

There they are!

Well, maybe they'd be a lot safer
over there.

Yeah. If I ever lost them, I'd never
hear the end of it.

Maybe you'd better use my wallet,
Mommy.

Oh, no, honey.
Now, that's just for you.

I'll leave them right here in the
desk.

I know they'll be perfectly safe in
there.

Well, maybe there's a better place.

Let's see.

Good morning.

Hi.

What's the matter?

Now, Ethel, don't get panicky.

Now, Ethel, don't get panicky.
I'll find them.

Lucy! Don't tell me you've lost our
train tickets.

Don't get panicky, Ethel.

(drawers banging in other room)

Ethel?
What?

Get panicky.

Oh, Lucy, of all the stupid things to
do.

Oh, if Ricky finds out about this,
he'll k*ll me.

Not this time he won't.

I intend to do the job myself.

Now, Ethel, don't get excited.

Look, all I have to do is call him on
the telephone

and tell him to wire me some more
money.

Oh, yeah, that'll be great, except
for one thing.

What's that?

They're out on a boat where they
can't be reached.

Oh, darn it.

Honestly, Lucy.

Well, maybe we have enough to buy two
more train tickets.

How much money did Fred leave you?

$ and a half a sheet of Green
Stamps.

Well, let's see now.

I have... $ and .... cents.

That's over $ .

That's not nearly enough for two
train fares to Florida.

Oh.

Well, um... is it enough for one
train fare and...

and one half-fare

for a very large, blond, chubby
child?

It is not.

Well, maybe one of us could go.

Which one?

The one of us that...

that has a little child down there

that needs her?

Oh, no, you don't.

Either we both go to Florida or
nobody goes.

All right, all right.

There must be some way for both of us
to get down there.

Okay. How?

Well...

I know! By sharing a ride!

Sharing a ride?

Sure. In a car.

You know, people are always looking
for passengers

to share the cost of gas and stuff.

Here they are.
Now, let's see.

Here's one.

La-la-la-la!

Mrs. Ricardo, you were right.

You two don't take up any more room
than one.

No, it's, it's really quite roomy.

Isn't it, Ethel?

Oh, roomy isn't the word for it.

In fact, the word for it is cramped.

Mrs. Grundy, uh, I'm getting a little
hungry.

So am I.

After all, we have been on the road

since : this morning.

Well, we've got to push on

if we're going to get to Florida in
? days.

Well, I know, but it's : already,

and don't you think we'd better start

looking for a place to eat?

We can't stop and dawdle for things
like lunch.

Well, aren't you ever gonna stop and
eat?

Oh! Didn't I tell you to pack a
lunch?

No, you didn't tell us to pack a
lunch.

We thought we'd stop along the road.

All you'll find on the road are hot
dog and hamburger stands.

Well, what's that you're eating?

It's a watercress sandwich.

Well, I guess you wouldn't find

too many watercress sandwich stands

along the road.

Care to try one?

No, I don't...
I'd love to!

Help yourself.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you!

Oh... boy.

There you are, Lucy.

Like it?

Not bad.
Not bad at all.

Very tasty... if you like buttered
grass.

I love buttered grass.

All right.

Beddy-bye, everyone.

What are we stopping here for?

I don't see any motel.

Who needs a motel?

What do you mean?

GRUNDY: Didn't I tell you to bring a
sleeping bag?

No, you didn't tell us to bring a
sleeping bag.

Look, Mrs. Grundy, if there's
anything else

you forgot to tell us, please tell us
now.

Listen to me, Missy.

If you're going to get testy,

you can just get out and walk the
rest of the way.

You've got our money.

Exactly.

Nighty-night!

Well, uh, where are we supposed to
sleep?

Well, the car is very comfortable.

Let's see, now.
It's, uh, it's : .

I'd like to be on the road at : in
the morning. Yoo-hoo!

You want the upper or the lower?

(music plays on radio)

NEWSCASTER: And now for your early
morning edition of the news.

Evelyn Holmby, gray-haired hatchet
murderess

whose spectacular escape

from the New York State Prison for
Women

three days ago astounded the nation,

is still at large.

Police are tracking down reports
that...

(switches radio off)

(thud)

(yawns)

Where are we?

South Carolina.

What happened to North Carolina?

Hey, we must have traveled over
miles this morning.

Sure have.

I always take the back roads.

You make much better time on them.

Oh.
Oh.

(loud popping)

What's that?
What's that?

Oh!

Oh, boy! She's flat all right.

Whew! She sure is.

Flat as a pancake.

Please.

Do you have to mention food?

Well, I guess this is a chance for me
to catch a little catnap.

A nap? Now?

Who's gonna change the tire?

Well, after all, I've been doing all
the driving.

I'm sure you two wouldn't mind
changing a tire.

GRUNDY: You'll find everything you
need in the trunk.

I hope we find a mechanic back there.

I don't know anything about changing
a tire.

I do. I watched Ricky and Fred

on our trip to California.

It's a cinch.
It is?

Whew!

Well, she's got a lot of gadgets in
here.

Yep. There's a hammer.

Here's sort of a bent-looking thing.

Yeah. Here's a...
a hatchet.

I wonder what she does with this.

(mimicking Mrs. Grundy): Oh, didn't I
tell you to bring a hatchet along?

We might have to chop our way through
the Everglades.

I got to get this tire out of here.

Okay.

There. Now, let's see.

You'd better get the jack out of the
back.

All right.

Oh, dear.

Lucy...
What?

what does a jack look like?

Oh, Ethel, you're such a dumb bunny.

Anybody knows what a jack looks like.

It's a... It's a...

with a...

Lucy.

What?

I don't see any...

with a... back here.

Oh, Ethel.

There it is.

That isn't a... with a...

All right, so it's a... with a...

That's it, huh?

It couldn't be anything else.

ETHEL: Gosh, you're smart.

I'm not so smart.
I'm just observant.

What do you do now?

Put it under the car and pump it up.

Oh. Where under the car do you put
it?

Just anywhere.

Oh, dear.

There.

Now.

Is it moving?

Not a bit.

Come here and help me.

Okay.

What do I do now?

Now just pump steady.
Just-just steady.

Okay.

There. Now.
Oh!

Now it's getting harder.

Yeah.

Yeah.

(jack clanging)

Is it supposed to do that?

(mocking tone): No, it isn't supposed
to do that.

It's her fault for having such thin
fenders.

What do we do now, Lucy?

Let the jack down.

Let it down, huh?

Good heavens.

Okay. All right.

Not yet. Not yet.

There. Now we got it.

Getting it?

Yeah.

(hammering repeatedly)

There. She'll never know the
difference.

Lucy.
What?

You must have put the jack in the
wrong place.

No kidding.

There. Now it's off the ground.

Oh, good.

Hey, look, Lucy!
What?

It's not flat anymore.

(derisive mumbling)

Oh, dear.

Mira que cosa loca la goma esta!

Mira que cosa loca la goma esta!

What are you doing that for?

That's what Ricky always does when he
changes a tire.

Mira que cosa loca la goma esta!

See? It works.

Hey, no wonder it wouldn't come off.

It's screwed on.

Oh, yeah.

Well, maybe that's what this thing is
for.

You think so?

Yeah. See?
It's all groovy.

Oh. Okay.

Oh!

Lucy!
Whoa!

Lucy! Oh!

Oh, honey...

You'd better hold the tire.

Yeah, I'd better hold it, huh?

Good girl.

Hey, how about this?

We changed a tire all by ourselves,
huh, girl?

That's something, huh?
Yeah.

Too bad we can't tell Ricky and Fred
about it.

They'd never believe it anyway.

They wouldn't, would they?
No.

Well, there we are.

Okay.

I would say that is a good job well
done.

What happened?!

Lucy, we put the same tire back on we
took off.

No!

Mira que cosa loca la goma esta!

(crickets chirping)

Oh, it's five minutes to : .

Lucy, did you sleep at all?

Who can sleep with all that noise?

Sounds like feeding time in a pet
shop.

Wouldn't you know she'd park us

right in the middle of the
Everglades.

Maybe some music will lull us to
sleep.

Well, let's try it.

(switch clicking)

(slow big band music playing)

Okay.

NEWSCASTER: Now here's the latest
bulletin on the Evelyn Holmby case.

Police have definitely established
that Evelyn Holmby,

famous gray-haired hatchet murderess
who escaped

from New York State Prison Thursday,
is heading south

in a cream-colored convertible coupe.

Stand by for further bulletins.

And now back to our recorded music.

(slow big band music playing)

(switches radio off)

What did you turn it off for?

Did you hear what he said?

Yeah. So what?

Which way are we heading?

South.

Exactly.

Gray-haired...

Cream-colored convertible...

Oh, Lucy, that's just a coincidence.

But think.
It all fits.

Likes to drive in the dark.

Won't stop at motels.

Uses back roads.

Just why do you suppose, she uses
back roads?

She told us.
To save time.

Oh, sure. She uses back roads to
avoid the police.

Oh, Lucy, I don't believe it.

The woman they're looking for is a
hatchet murderess.

She doesn't look like a...

Hatchet!
Hatchet!

(stammering)

We're just jumping to conclusions.

She brought that hatchet along to,
uh...

to, uh...

To what?

Chop watercress?!

Ethel, that woman definitely has a
criminal face.

She's really that Evelyn Holmby

the police are looking for.

No!

Yes! So we got to make a break for
it. Come on.

In the middle of a swamp?

What difference does it make?

Come on, let's get out of here.

Up!

: , and time to hit the road.

What do we do now?

I don't know, but whatever you do,
don't fall asleep.

Fall asleep? Oh!

Well, it won't be long now.

(switches radio on)

NEWSCASTER: That winds up the news
from Washington today.

And here's the latest bulletin on
Evelyn Holmby,

escaped hatchet murderess.

Police have learned that, before
leaving New York,

she dyed her gray hair red, and is
heading south

with a blonde companion.

(turns off radio)

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Oh, I was just admiring your lovely
red hair.

Is it dyed?

Dyed?

Who d*ed?

My hair!

Of course it isn't dyed.

It's very pretty.

Lucy, we got to call the police.

How are we going to get her to stop?

What are you two muttering about?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I... I... I just remembered that I...

I... I left the water running in my
bathtub

before I left New York.

I've got to stop someplace and call
my landlady.

I thought you said she was your
landlady.

Oh, yeah.

Landlady, my tub's running over.

I've just remembered that I...
I've got to stop, too.

I've got to make a...
a phone call.

There's a place up there.

Where's the phone?

No, let her go.

It's a very important phone call.

No, no, no.

Sorry, ladies.

That phone's out of order.

Coffee, ladies?

Coffee?
Yeah.

Yeah, let's have some coffee.

Let's have a cup of coffee, huh?

Have some coffee.

Here. We won't need these.

Pfft! Pfft!

Y'all must be from the north.

New York.

New York. Yeah.
Heading south.

South.

All three of us--

me, this redhead and this blonde.

You notice how gray her hair is?

Care for some more coffee?

Um...

Yes. I'd like a second help-ing.

Help-ing.

When will your telephone be fixed?

First thing tomorrow morning.

Oh.

I've got to fetch something out of
the car.

I'll be right back!

She's going out to get the hatchet!

She's the hatchet m*rder*r!

She's the one that escaped!

Yeah. The police are looking for her.
How can we get

in touch with the police?
Now, calm yourself, ma'am.

They just caught that hatchet lady in
Kentucky.

They did?
They did?

Yeah. I just heard it on the radio

'fore y'all came in.

Oh.

You and your wild ideas.

Well...

Oh, I feel terrible.

Just terrible.

(car engine roaring)

You're going to feel a lot worse.

She just drove off without us.

No!

Why do you suppose she did that?

I don't know.

Thank goodness she threw our
suitcases off before she left.

A lot of good that will do us.

How are we going to get from here to
Miami?

Well, how's your right thumb?

Oh...

Oh, no, you don't.

I'm not going to hitchhike all the
way to Miami.

It's either that or walk,

and I think it's about miles.

Did you hear that, thumb?

Get going.

Oh, honestly.

I might have known, if I listened to
you,

I'd end up hitchhiking to Florida.

Well, we got here, didn't we?

Yeah, on a poultry truck with live
chickens.

You'll have to admit it b*at walking.

A few more feathers and I could have
flown.

Remember, now.
When the boys get here,

tell them we came in on the train,

and... and they'll never know what
happened.

I'm not sure I know what happened
myself.

Here they come.

Here they come.

RICKY: Oh, hi, dear!
Ha, ha!

ETHEL: Oh, I missed you!

Hello, honey.
How are you?

Hi, sweetheart.

Did you have a nice trip?

Oh, it was fabulous.

Just fabulous.
Wasn't it, Ethel?

Oh, that's what it was-- just
fabulous.

I don't think this warm weather

agrees with you, honeybunch.

You're molting.

Sweetie pie. I sure missed you,
honey.

Well, thank you, dear.

Listen... uh...

there's a couple of things

that I'd like you to 'splain.

What?

Well, first of all,

how come you got here an hour before
the train?

Huh?

I just checked.
The train is an hour late.

It is?

Yeah.

RICKY: And another thing--

how come you got here without any
tickets?

I just, uh, found your tickets

in Little Ricky's wallet.

You what?!

You said you wanted them in a safe
place, Mommy.

Well, so I did, honey.

I did tell him that...

How did you get here?

It's a long story.

How did we get here?

(applause)

(closing orchestral flourish playing)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy"

starring Lucille Ball

and Desi Arnaz

has been presented for your pleasure

by Instant Sanka,

the hardy coffee you can drink as
strong as you like,

it still can't affect your nerves.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: Elsa Lanchester appeared
in the role of Edna Grundy,

and the man in the coffee shop was
Strother Martin.

"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.