06x07 - Deep Sea Fishing

[bunniefuu]

"Deep Sea Fishing"

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

(theme song ending)

Boy, what lousy luck.

Everybody on the ocean was catching
fish but us.

Yeah, well, Fred,

it's not important how many fish you
catch.

It's the sport that counts.

You believe that?

Well, no...

but it helps to say it

when you haven't caught anything

in a couple of days.
I see.

Hey, there's a note here from Lucy.

"Ethel and I have gone shopping for
beach clothes."

What, again?
Beach clothes. Beach clothes.

That's all they think about.

You know something?
I think I got an idea

how to keep them from going shopping.

How?

Well, the next time we go fishing,

we'll take the girls with us.

Are you crazy?

The fish aren't biting as it is.

Why antagonize them further?

Take your choice.

You're either going to take Ethel
fishing with you,

or you're going to let her run wild
in the shops.

Well...

She might easily spend over $ .

Welcome aboard, Ethel.

I thought you'd see it my way.

I'm going to get out of these
clothes.

And I'm going to take a little nap.

(shower water running)

Ricky?

It's all right, Ethel.

He's taking a shower. Come on.

Oh, Lucy...

when Fred sees all this stuff I
bought, he'll k*ll me.

Oh...

Oh, now, Ethel, pull yourself
together.

Come on. Hey, hide your packages in
here.

Can I, honey?
Yeah.

Oh, thanks.

I don't know what came over me.

I walked in that store and I saw all
those beautiful things

and I just got drunk with power.

I know. I got a little plastered
myself.

I spent $ !

Let's see.

That's my clothing allowance for the
next eight weeks.

I spent $ !

How many weeks allowance is that for
you?

I should live so long!

How are we gonna tell the fellas

we bought all this stuff?

I don't know, but we're gonna have

to break it to them gently.

Whoo!

Hey!

I think I'm getting an idea.

Well, encourage it.
I'm desperate!

How's this?

The next time the boys go fishing,

we'll insist on going along.

Oh, Lucy, what are you talking about?

They'll never take us with them.

Exactly. They'll refuse.

So...?

So, we'll say, "Well, if we can't go
fishing,

we'll go shopping."

And then when they come back,

we'll show them all those packages,

and they won't be able to say a word
about it.

What do you think?

In spite of what I think,

let's do it.
Okay.

When are you going to tell them

we're going fishing with them?

I think they're going in the morning.

Let's tell them right now.
Go get Fred.

Okay.

Oh, hi, honey.

Hi. How was the fishing? Any luck?

Terrible. Not a bite.
Oh...

I think our boat is a yinx.

Oh, ho-ho! Of course your boat isn't
a "yinx."

Well, something is wrong someplace.

ETHEL: Come on, come on.

FRED: Oh, man, can't even get a
chance to take a nap.

What are you dragging me over here
for?

I told you!

Lucy wants to talk to you.

Well, we were just thinking...

You know, uh, Ethel and I aren't
getting

the most out of this trip.

After all, how much of Florida

can you see from the inside of a
store?

So, we decided that the next time

you go fishing, we'd like to go
along.

You want to go fishing with us?

Yeah. Unless, of course, for some
reason or other,

you don't want us to go along.

Then I suppose we could spend some
more time

in those stale shops.

Oh, no, no!
We want you to.

RICKY: Well, I think it's a wonderful
idea.

You do?

Yeah!

You don't think it's a wonderful
idea,

do you, Fred?

Honeybunch, I think it's swell.

Fred, you know me.

You know how I get on water.

I'll be hungry and thirsty and
cranky.

What's your excuse on dry land?

But what husband wants his wife along

on a fishing trip?

We do!

And besides that, it was you who
suggested it.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah, so I did.

And I think it's a wonderful
suggestion.

You might turn out to be a great
fishermen.

Yeah. You might even catch something.

Yeah! I'll bet they-they catch the
biggest fish

on the whole trip.

FRED: Right!

I'll bet we could at that.

I'll bet you could, too, honey.

I mean a real bet.

The women against the men.

We'll bet you that we'll catch a
bigger fish than you two.

Well, you want to make it
interesting?

LUCY: Yeah!

All right. How much you want to bet?

Uh, and, uh...

LUCY: , uh...

$ , plus tax.

Huh?

Well, make it even.

That'll be, um, $ apiece.

Lucy...

Uh, where are you gonna get the money
to pay if you lose?

Out of our clothing allowance.

Lucy, could I see you in the hall for
a minute?

Now, don't worry, Ethel.

Ricky, you were saying

that your boat was a jinx?

Well, now, just so Ethel and I don't
get jinxed, too,

what say we have a boat of our own?

Okay with you, Fred?

Okay? It's perfect.

(chuckling): Well, I'll see that the
hotel gets

a different boat for you two in the
morning.

Oh, fine. Well, then, it's all
settled.

Yup. I'll go get dressed.

And I'll take another cr*ck at that
nap.

RICKY: Yes, sir.

Are you out of your mind?

We don't know a thing about fishing!

We won't lose a thing, Ethel.

I have a plan.

Now, look...
I'm still recuperating

from your last plan.

Oh, now, Ethel.

Now here's what we're gonna do.

Right after lunch, we're going out

and buy the biggest fish we can find,

and we're gonna have it here for
insurance

in case we don't catch anything.

Have it here?
Yeah.

Where will we keep it?

In the refrigerator here in the hotel
kitchen.

Well, couldn't we get it in the
morning?

You know how early they go fishing.

There won't be time.

Now, listen. I remember seeing a pier

not far from here...

(grunting): Oh... careful.

Ooh... oh...

Oh!

You and your hot ideas.

Well, was it-- is it my fault

if the chef didn't have any more room

in the refrigerator?
Close the door.

(grunting)

Go ahead, close it.

Okay.

And was it my fault there's a
convention here

and he just made , ice-cream
molds

in the shape of a shriner's hat?
Oh!

Well, let's put it somewhere.

Moby d*ck is getting heavy.

Well, we can't put it anyplace.

We gotta hide it.

Now, we gotta hide it before Little
Ricky

comes home from the playground.

I'd hate to have to explain this to
him.

Why would you have to explain it?

Isn't he used to having tuna around
the house?

Oh, be quiet.

Hold on a minute now.

I'll see if I can get it in this
closet.

All right.

Oh, I can't put it in there with the
clothes.

Oh, Lucy...

Even if you find a place to hide it,

you can't just keep a dead fish in
your room

all night and all day tomorrow!

But we gotta hide it.

We can't let Ricky and Fred see it
now.

Oh, great. We got a hot tuna on our
hands.

Oh...

Come on.

I know. We'll put it in the bathtub.

In the bathtub?

Yeah. Help me get ahold of this
thing.

All right.

We'll pack it in ice cubes.

All right.

Hey, won't Ricky find it in there?

Well, I'll draw the shower doors
around the tub.

Okay.

Come on.

All right.

ETHEL: Got it?

LUCY: Oh!

(sighs wearily)

Lucy?
What?

What if Ricky wants to take a shower?

One thing at a time.

We'll worry about that when it
happens.

Here, let me have it.

Where are the fellas?

They're at the Seaquarium taking
publicity pictures.

They'll be gone for hours.

Oh, that's good.

Room service, please.

Room service, this is Mrs. Ricardo in
.

I'd like some ice cubes, please.

Oh... how many?

About , .

No, I don't need any glasses.

Well, you see, they're...
they're for the bathtub.

The bathtub!

I think I'd better come down and
explain.

I'll be right down.

Come on, Ethel.

This explanation is gonna take two of
us.

Okay.

You and your great ideas.

Buying a hundred-pound tuna

in case we don't catch anything.

I didn't want to take any chance

on losing that bucks.

And you said the chef was gonna keep
it

down in the refrigerator.

I still think

he was giving us a song-and-dance.

Whoever heard of ice cream in the
shape of a shriner's hat?

Did you see the wild look he gave us?

Yeah. You'd think somebody came to
him

with a hundred-pound tuna every five
minutes.

Where are we gonna put this beast?

Well, can't we put it in your
bathtub?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Oh, my God, watch out, Ricky.

Hey, wait a minute.
What?

We can't put it in there.

Why not?

Lucy brings Little Ricky back from
the playground,

she gives him a bath, she's sure to
find it in there.

(chuckling): Oh, that's great.

Let's put it in your tub.

No, no, no, no, no.

Suppose that Ethel wants to take a
bath?

Listen, this was your idea.

You'll think of something.
Let's go.

Now, really!

You'd think the Eden Roc Hotel

would have , ice cubes on hand.

Oh, sure.

All the guests must keep fish in
their bathtubs.

I'm going to see how our "guest" is
doing.

(thumping sounds)

How is he?

He's resting comfortably.

Never mind. Never mind.

I'll go take a hot bath.

Oh, hi.

Good-good-bye, good-bye, Rick.

Bye.

Hi, dear.

Oh, hi, honey, hi.

How was the Seaquarium?

Fine. Wonderful.

We have to take Little Ricky there
sometime.

Oh, yeah, that's good idea.

How was your day?

Fine... fine.

That's good.

Where are you going?

I'm going to take a bath, dear.

Take a bath?
In Miami Beach?

Wow, with the whole Atlantic Ocean at
your doorstep?

Oh, take a dip.
Take a dip, honey.

It's much more refreshing.

No, I don't want to take a dip.
I want this bath.

Well, well, look, honey.

Let me draw the water for you.

A wife should do those things

for her husband anyway, don't you
think?

While I'm drawing the water for you,

uh, why don't you go in there

and-and find Little Ricky's red
swimming trunks.

I promised to take them down to him
at the playground.

Would you do that for me?

All right.

(door closes)

(soft thud)

(knock at door)

Ethel? Ethel?

Yeah?

You got a visitor.

Honey, I can't find those swimming...

What are you doing here? Where's
Lucy?

I didn't see her.

Wow! That was a close one.

What are you talking about?

The fish. Ethel had the gall to want
to take a bath,

and when she went in the dressing
room,

I sneaked the fish out of our tub

and stuck him over there in your tub.

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

What's the matter?

Ay...

Hi. Where'd you go to?

I had to talk to Ethel for a minute.

RICKY: Oh.

Uh... I couldn't find the trunks.

Oh! He's wearing them.

RICKY: Oh.

Ethel, I thought you were gonna take
a bath?

Well, I, uh, I...
changed my mind.

I thought you were gonna take a bath,
honey.

Yeah, well, uh...
I changed my mind.

Oh, well, if you're not gonna bathe,
I certainly am.

All right.
Oh, wait, honey!

You don't want to take a bath

here in Miami Beach

with the whole Atlantic Ocean at your
doorstep.

Take a dip, dear.
Take a dip.

I don't want to take a dip.
I want to take a bath.

You can't.
Why not?

Uh... the, uh, the...
the hot-water faucet is broken.

So, I'll take a cold bath.

It will be a terrible shock.

You can say that again.

The-the cold water makes you sick.

It does not make me sick.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, I got to think of
your health, dear.

If you want to take a bath, I insist
that you take a bath

over at the Mertzes.

I can't.

Why not?

Yeah. Why not?

Okay, Ethel, let's go.

Honey, you can't take a bath in our
tub

with Tillie the tuna in there.

I know it, but I gotta have a bath.

I gotta get this fish off me.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna take an ice-cold shower in
our tub.

Oh, fine. How are you gonna explain

to the fellas that our tub is
occupied?

I'm not going to explain to the
fellas.

I'm going to get rid of them.

And how are you gonna do that?

I have a plan.
I have a plan.

Well, I have!

.

What are you calling your room for?

Now, Ethel, just relax.

I know what I'm doing.

(disguised voice): Mr. Ricardo, this
is the manager's office.

The manager would like to have you
and Mr. Mertz

come down to the office right away.

Thank you very much.

What do you suppose the manager
wanted

to talk to us about?

Oh, probably stuff about the band or
something.

FRED: Oh, I see.

Just a minute.

What's the matter with you?
Just a minute.

Now, Ethel, everything's working out
very nicely.

Oh, just peachy.

You're gonna take an ice-cold shower,

and I've got a hundred-pound fish in
my tub.

Now get this through your head, Lucy.

I am not going to keep that sea
monster

in my bathtub overnight.

All right, all right.

We'll worry about that after I bathe.

Now you go on back over there and
guard that bathroom.

Fred will be back any minute.

(sighs)

Uh...

Ethel?

What?

You sure that fish is in your tub?

Sure I'm sure.

Hmm.

You don't suppose

he could've swum through the pipes

from your tub back to ours, do you?

What are you babbling about?

The fish is in our tub.

Oh, you poor little thing.

I knew if you kept up this mad pace,

sooner or later you'd cr*ck up.

Go see for yourself.

Lucy...

What?

Do you suppose we've both cracked up?

I don't know, Ethel.

Now don't panic.
Don't panic. Don't panic.

Now we're gonna sit down

think this out calmly and rationally.

Yeah.
Now look.

Um, we brought the fish up here,
didn't we?

Yeah, that's right.

And then who took it over there?

You did.

I did. I took it over there...

Are you sure that was the manager's
office that called?

Sure I'm sure.

Oh, you must have misunderstood.

Look, Fred, I may speak with an
accent,

but I don't listen with one.

Yeah.

Where are the girls?

Lucy's probably still in the tub.

Honey, I locked myself out of our
room.

You got the key?

That's funny.

Lucy?

Isn't Lucy in the tub?

No... but guess who is.

Ethel?

No... but you're getting warmer.

Quit playing games with me.
Who's in there?

Is the tuna by any chance a flying
fish?

No, no. What are you talking about?

Go in there and look.

Go. Go in there and look.

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Well?

Well, what?

If you put that fish in our tub,

how did it get back into your tub?

Oh, I don't know, but I'm sick and
tired

of playing hide-and-seek with that
fish.

Well, that makes two of us.

What do you say we just forget

this whole crazy scheme of yours,
huh?

I'm with you.

But how are we gonna get rid of our
friend in there?

Well, we'll dump him someplace.

There's a big trash can in that
service room.

We'll just pick him up and dump him
in there.

That way, our hands will be clean.

Smelly but clean.

Well, what are we gonna do now?

Ethel, what say

we get rid of the fish and call the
whole thing off?

Oh, now you're talking sense.

But what in the world are we gonna do
with it?

I don't know.
We'll get rid of it

if we have to get it a room.

Get it a room?!

All right, so we'll dump it down the
elevator shaft.

Sheesh!

What are you doing with that fish?

Uh... what fish?

That fish.

Never mind this fish.

What are you doing with that fish?

I asked you first.

Oh, yeah. So you did.

While I'm thinking of an answer,

you tell me what you're doing with
yours.

Well, uh... Fred?

What are we doing with this?

Well, I wa...
I was...

Well, that's not the point.

Ethel, why did you get that?

Yeah!

Well...

I know what you were gonna do with
that fish.

You bought that fish

and you were going to pretend

that you caught it.

What a sneaky thing to do.

Well, you were gonna do the same
thing,

so you're just as snicky as we are.

Oh, you started the whole thing.

That's right.
I did not start the whole thing.

Yes, you did.
Yeah.

What do you I started the whole...

All right, all right, all right.

All right, let's admit it.

We're all guilty, but the bet's still
on.

Tomorrow morning we're going fishing,

but we'll all go on the same boat

so there'll be no funny business.

Understand?

Mrs. Ricardo...

what do you want me to do with these
, ice cubes?

Where do you want me to put them?

Four hours and not a bite.

Oh, be patient, Ethel.

Just keep thinking about

all those new clothes we're gonna
get.

Hey, Rick, I'd better check my bait.

Daddy, what if I catch the biggest
fish?

If you catch the biggest fish, it
counts for our side.

Oh, just a minute now.

He's as much my child as he is yours,
you know.

The bet was the men against the
women.

We get credit for anything he
catches.

That's right.

You couldn't have had a girl child.

Oh, no, you had to go and have a boy.

FRED: Hey!

I got a fish on mine.

Hey, how about that?

FRED: Take it off, Rick!
Take it off!

(cackling)

Look at it, hey!

(laughing harder)

Oh, come now.

How about that?

Oh, you call that a fish?

Aah, your bait was bigger than that.

FRED: Yeah, well, go ahead and laugh.

Yeah, that's the biggest fish we've
caught.

That's the biggest fish that's been
caught out here.

That's right.
We're going back in minutes.

That's right. So far, that fish wins
the bet.

Oh, we still got minutes.
Yeah.

I'm going to use one of those live
sardines in there.

That's a good idea.

(reel ticks)

Oh, I got a fish!

Oh, you got one?
I got a fish!

Put on your brake.

I got a fish!
What?

Put on your brake.
Hang on to it.

Yeah, I got it.
Oh, it's a big one!

Hang on, Mommy.

Whose side are you on?

Oh!
Hang on, honey.

Oh, that's a good one.

We're gonna win.

ETHEL: We're gonna to win, Lucy.

Oh, this has got to be the biggest
thing

that was ever in the ocean.

Come on.
Come on.
Yeah.

Yeah.
Come on.
Hurry up.

(gasping for air)

Ricky Ricardo!

What have you done with my fish?!

(splutters angrily)

ETHEL: Come on, help him up.

Come on, Rick.
Lost my big fish.

Come on.
Come on.

Give me your hand.

Oh... Oh...

Give me your hand.

ETHEL: Are you wet?

(straining)

Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh, Rick!

LUCY: Now, now, it's your fault

for getting all tangled up in my
line.

It's my fault for getting tangled up
with you

years ago.

What?!

Let's go back to shore.

Well, now, what about our bet?

We won our bet.

Oh...
This little baby

just won papa bucks.
Yeah.

Thanks a lot, Lucy.

Well, we can't win 'em all.

(panicked yelling)

What's the matter, Rick?

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you?!

Let me help...

(yelling)

What is...

How about that?

I caught a fish, too, Fred.

Hey! Hey!

Bigger than yours.
Yeah.

That means that we won.

What are you talking about?

Because that fish was on you, and I
caught you!

We won!
(screaming)

(applause)

(band plays dramatic note to
conclusion)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy", starring
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

was brought to you by new Lilt,

the only home permanent with
squeeze-bottle magic.

The fastest, easiest home permanent
ever.

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at this same
time.