03x10 - What's Eating Olive Rozalski?

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Hey, girls, what's up

Well, we decided
to talk in rhyme.

So now we do it
all the time.

As for rhymes, we have a ton.

So please don't ask
when we'll be done.

Oh, I think I could go
on a fun run in the sun.

Hun.

Okay, now it's done.

Dad, I know that
Olive slept over

the last two nights
already, but...

can she stay another?

We've been having
so much fun, Mr. R.

I don't know, girls.
It's Sunday.

Tomorrow's school.
That's a big ask.

Please? I wouldn't ask it
unless I was asking

the best dad in
the whole wide world.

"In the whole
wide world," huh?

Syd, I see what
you're doing.

Of course you do.
You're the smartest dad
there is.

Really?

Okay, well, let me
call Olive's mom

and see if she's okay with it.

(quietly):
Yes!

(tapping, ringing)

Max? Is Olive okay?!

Is it her allergies?
Did her pinkeye come back?

Um, I have eye drops.
If I take the alley,

I can be there
in three minutes.

No, no. Olive is fine.

I just called because the girls
wanna extend their sleepover

another night.
What do you think?

Well, I mean, normally I'd be
against it on a school night,

but I guess it's okay,
given the situation at home.

What situation?

Well?

Congratulations.
You got another night!

(both squeal)

Now we have time to do
makeovers on each other!

And this time,
I promise not to sneeze

and get lipstick
up your nose.

Uh, Syd, can I talk
to you for a minute?

Uh, of course.
Right behind you.

What's up?

Why didn't you tell me Olive's
parents are getting divorced?

What?

Olive's parents
are getting divorced?

(theme music playing)

♪ Like father, like daughter,
we don't always agree ♪

♪ But looking at you
is like looking at me ♪

♪ The more things change,
the more they stay the same ♪

♪ Like father, like daughter,
from different times ♪

♪ Taking all the best
from your decade and mine ♪

♪ The more things change ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

♪ Do do, do do do do,
do do ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

♪ ♪

I can't believe Olive's
parents are getting divorced.

‐Are you sure?
‐Yeah, her mom just told me.

So Olive didn't tell you?

No. She didn't say anything.

Oh my gosh. Poor Olive.

She must be devastated.

I bet.
When my parents got divorced,

I felt like the world
was ending.

Must've been awful.

It's just so weird. I mean,

Olive's been
here all weekend,

and she's acting like
nothing's going on.

Well, maybe that's why
she wanted to sleep over

the last few nights.
She probably
doesn't wanna face it.

Wow. I wonder why
she didn't tell me.

Everybody handles these
things differently, Syd.

I'm sure Olive
has her reasons.

Yeah, but now I know.

What do I do?

Should I say something?
Should I not say something?

Am I supposed to just
go back upstairs

and pretend like
everything's normal?

I know it's tough, but...

Olive will tell you
when she's ready.

You're probably right, Dad.

It's not gonna be easy,
but I just gotta

play it cool and wait
for her to open up.

Hey! Sorry I took so long.

No worries. All good.

Okay! Makeover time.

Uh, Syd, listen.

Before we start, there's
something I should tell you.

Oh, Olive!

You can tell me anything!

I'm here for you,
no matter what!

I got blush on your bench.

Say what?

Oh. Gee, you sure did.

Why all the emotion?

I just hate to think that

you've been carrying
this secret for

who knows how long?

It happened five minutes ago.

Yeah, but those five minutes
must've been a nightmare.

You found out my parents are
getting divorced, didn't you?

Yeah.

I'm so sorry, Olive.

I can't imagine how
you're feeling right now.

Actually, I'm fine.

‐You are?
‐Yeah.

They're the ones
getting divorced,

not me.

But it's still gonna
be hard on you.

Not really.

Now, can we just get
back to makeovers?

Sure. Of course.

You know, there is something
else I wanted to say.

Yes! Let it out!

I also got eyeshadow
on your rug.

♪ ♪

Okay, Max. While your
dad is watching you,

I want you in bed by ,

eating healthy,
and showering every day.

Mom, you're just
asking me to lie to you,

but okay.

(knocking)

‐Dad!
‐There's my Maximus.

(laughs)

Douglas.

Judith.

Okay. If you need me,

I left the number where
I'm at on the fridge.

But only call me if
it's absolutely necessary.

Why?

Both:
Because it's your
girls' weekend.

No. It's my...

Both:
"Do Not Disturb" girls' weekend.

That's right.
So from this point forward,

do not disturb me.

‐(phone ringing)
‐Okay, after this phone call,

‐do not disturb me.
‐(ringing)

You ready for the best
boys' weekend ever?

Oh yeah! I was thinking

we should eat hot dogs
for every meal.

Done.

And we should
try to get tickets
for the Daredevil Games.

Oh.

That ticket is
impossible to get.

No one could pull that off.

You're right.

Except me. (laughs)

Dad, you're the best!

You're not gonna
believe it.

My girlfriend got the flu!

My Do Not Disturb
weekend got disturbed

before it even started!

I'm sorry to hear that.

But, don't worry about me.

I'll just find a motel
for the weekend.

Doug, you don't have
to stay at a motel.

There are plenty
of hotels in town.

Why can't he just stay here?

‐What?
‐Doug, let me handle this.

What?

Why not? He used to live here.

Honey, I don't think
that's the best idea.

Yeah, son. Your mom's right.

Come on, Mom.

I never get to see him.

Please?

‐Fine.
‐Yes!

Boys' weekend is back on!

I really appreciate
this, Judy.

And to thank you,
I've got

a little ukulele
song I can play.

Oh, you know where they
love ukulele music?

That hotel across town.

♪ ♪

Hi! Are you
interested in joining

the coolest club in school?

Wait? Is this DJ Club?

No. This is Emergency
Preparedness Club.

I'm Olive, the president.

We may not light up a party,

but we can light up
your outdoor staircase.

Do I get one of
those whistles?

And this stylish vest.

Trust me.
This club will prepare you
to handle everything.

A tsunami, a tornado,

unexpected playground injuries.

What about a zombie att*ck?

That's ridiculous, but yes.

Then I'm in!

Sounds like you're
prepared for everything.

Well, I wouldn't
say everything.

There are some disasters
you don't see coming.

You know, like an earthquake.

Sure, you can throw some
granola bars in a backpack,

but are you really
prepared when it suddenly

splits your house in two?

Or when the very ground
you're standing on

disappears under your feet?

Or when everything you know
and love is swept away?!

Yeah, definitely
gonna join DJ Club.

Olive, are you okay?

Yeah.

I just finally realized
this club is useless.

If I can't prepare
for everything,

why should I prepare
for anything?

I quit.

But Olive,
you love this club.

Are you sure this isn't
about the divorce?

Nope. It's about wearing
this ridiculous vest.

Hi, Olive. I'm here
for the next shift.

Anything to report?

Yeah. Congratulations, Derek.
You're president now.

‐Seriously?
‐Olive!

Corn dogs for lunch
and now this?

Everything's coming up Derek!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Oh, uh, did you wanna watch TV?
I'll get out of your hair.

Actually, I wanna read my book.

Hey, I read that!

Have you got to
the part where...

Doug shuts his trap
and leaves Judy alone?

Huh.

I can't believe you still
have this old thing.

You remember the day
we bought it?

We went to every single
lamp store in town
and found nothing.

Until we walked
past the pet store.

And there it was
in the window.

Our lamp,

‐warming a discounted iguana.
‐(laughs)

I still can't believe
you charmed the owner

into selling it to us
with a ukulele song.

Hey, nobody can
resist a ukulele.

See these pants?

Got 'em half off.

I guess we had
some fun times, huh?

‐We did.
‐Till I messed things up.

Sorry, Judy.

Thanks, Doug.

(lamp fizzling)

You know, I still
remember the trick

to make it stop flickering.

Alright. Let's see
what you got, hotshot.

(blows)

(stops fizzling)

(both laugh)

Well done, sir!

Thank you, m'lady.

Hey, guys! What's going on?

‐Maximus.
‐Hey,

you wanna hear your
dad's lamp song?

‐Really?
‐Go for it!

Oh ho!

(clears throat)

♪ $ , no ♪

♪ $ , , no ♪

♪ $ , , , no because
the lamp is not for sale ♪

♪ I'd offer you my car,
I'd offer you my house ♪

♪ But you'd just
yell "get out" ♪

♪ Because the lamp
is not for sale ♪

♪ Just name a number, please ♪

♪ I'm begging on my knees ♪

♪ It's dark and I can't
see because the lamp ♪

♪ Is not for sale! ♪

(strumming)

‐(clapping)
‐(laughing)

Again, well done, sir!

Again, thank you, m'lady.

You know, I just remembered
I need something in the kitchen.

(dialing)

(ringing)

‐Hello?
‐Alisha! You're not
gonna believe this.

‐It's a miracle!
‐You finished all your homework?

No! It's my parents.

They're getting
along so well.

They're laughing and singing
and sitting on the same couch.

I think they could
get back together!

Really? Are you sure?

Yeah. They just need a little
push in the right direction.

I know. I should make
them a romantic dinner!

(laughs) Man,

I'm glad I saved this
Burger Hole coupon.

Little tip. Nothing romantic
comes in a greasy bag.

Why don't I come over
and help you cook?

Really?
You'd do that? Thanks.

Wow. Not only am I gonna get
my parents back together,

I also get to keep
my Burger Hole coupon.

Well, we better get
cracking on our homework

‐because I've got
a ton of math.
‐Really?

We're not gonna talk about
what happened at school today?

That you quit
Emergency Preparedness?

What's to talk about?

Problem one.
A train leaves Chicago

at : PM,
heading for New York‐‐

But, EPC is your thing.

I mean, your yearbook
picture was you wrapping

a drinking fountain
in caution tape.

Anyway, back to the train‐‐

Olive, stop changing
the subject.

You're obviously upset
about your parents.

Please. Talk to me.

Syd, I love that
you're so concerned,

but all I wanna do is

forget about the divorce
and just hang with my bestie.

Can you just let me do that?
Please?

Yes. Of course I can.

Good, now let me concentrate,

or this train's never
gonna leave Chicago.

♪ ♪

Alright, I think
you're all set.

Just remember,
serve the appetizer first.

Uh...

It's the little plate, Max.

Now I've gotta get home.
Good luck!

Thanks for everything,
Alisha.

Dinner's ready!

What's all this?

I just wanted to make
you two a special dinner.

To say thank you for,

uh...

for, uh...

Being such great parents?

Sure. That'll do.

So please,
sit and enjoy.

Courtesy of
Bistro Maxwell.

Well, isn't this nice?

Yeah. A little too nice.

Tonight, we'll be starting with
some delicious artichoke...

"hearts."
With a "kiss" of olive oil.

I'll be back in a...
"couple" of minutes.

Well, aren't you
gonna join us?

I would, but I really need
to focus on the kitchen.

You two just focus on the food.

And each other.

Okay, he's up to something.

Do you think he's trying
to get us back together?

Nah.

(smooth jazz playing)

Okay, he wants to
get us back together.

‐Aw, Max.
‐What do we do now?

We let him down gently.

So, folks,

how's everything
tasting this evening?

Max...

(shuts off music)

We love everything that
you've done here tonight.

But, honey, just because your
dad and I are getting along,

doesn't mean we're
getting back together.

It's true.

I'm sorry, son.

But I saw you.

You were laughing
and having fun.

Can't you just
be married again?

‐Sweetheart...
‐I hate when you do that!

You say "sweetheart"
instead of no

because you think
it sounds nicer.

But it's actually worse!
Just say what you mean.

We're never gonna
be a family again.

♪ ♪

Pizza's here!
Get it while it's hot.

Hey, Iggy.

Notice anything different?

Uh, the pizza's actually hot?

No. Don't I look like a guy
who just got promotioned?

Now you do!

You're looking at the new
senior executive delivery dude.

Yup. Iggy's got a bigger
piece of the pie.

Oh, you got a raise, too?

Nope. Just now
when I order pizza,

they cut my slices bigger.

Wait, isn't that
the same amount of...

Congratulations, Iggy!

Thanks. Don't worry.

I'm still the same old Iggy.

Because if I wasn't,

who else would I be?

Whoa...

Oh hey, just in time.
Pizza's here,

and I got it just
the way you like it.

Spicy chicken meatballs
and green peppers.

Yeah, whatever.

What's wrong?

I tried to talk to Olive
about the divorce, and...

she refused.

I'm really worried
about her, Dad.

She quit Emergency
Preparedness Club.

Syd, it's okay.
Olive's going through
a lot right now.

She might do some things
that don't make sense,

but that's just how
she's dealing with it.

But it's just really
hard to sit back

and watch her hold all this in.

I know it is.

Everything in her life
is up in the air right now.

The one stable thing
she has is you.

The best thing
you can do for Olive
is just be there for her.

Okay, Dad. You're right.

How about this?
Before Olive goes home,

let's just have a nice
family pizza night together.

Okay, I heard "Olive"
and I heard "pizza."

As long as you're not talking
about olive pizza, I'm in.

Hey, fam! Hey, O!
‐Hey, Grandma J!

‐Grandma, welcome back!
‐Hey, Mom.

How was your Do Not Disturb
Girls' Weekend?

Undisturbed, thank you.

Ooh! Pizza!
Don't mind if I do.

So, tell us more about
your trip, Grandma!

The spa was a‐ma‐zing!

I spent most
of the weekend

up to my neck in mud.

I think you brought some
home behind your ear.

I was trying for a robe, but
this is all I could sneak out.

(giggles)

Alright, so before I start
my slice, I need to know

‐who's getting the crust?
‐Both: I call it!

It's a tie!
You know what that means.

Both:
Crust, paper, scissor, sh**t!

Scissors cuts crust.
I win!

You know, as much fun
as I had this weekend,

I really missed sitting
around with you goofballs.

We missed you,
too, Grandma.

Something wrong, Olive?

Yes.

I'm never gonna have this again.

What do you mean?

This.

A family.

Everything's falling apart.

I mean,

who am I gonna live with?

Where am I gonna spend holidays?

What happens if
I wanna curl my hair

at my dad's place,

but my curling iron's
at my mom's?

How can I live my life
if I don't even know

where to leave my curling iron?

It's gonna be okay, Olive.

We'll help you figure it out.

That's easy for you to say.

You have a great
family that's together.

I don't.

Which is why I'm never
going home again.

Ever.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(knocking)

Go away!

(sighs)

Max, we're so sorry if we
gave you the wrong idea.

Yeah, son. Sometimes,

we forget how tough
this divorce is on you.

It's fine.

So, we're not a family anymore.

I'll get over it.

Max, no matter what happens,

I'll always
be your dad.

And I'll always
be your mom.

Your dad and I
may not be together,

but we're both
still your family.

And we'll both
always love you.

Well, obviously.

I'm very lovable.

‐Well, you know something great
did come out of this weekend.
‐Yeah.

Your dad and I
realized that

even though we aren't
married anymore,

we can still be friends.

Well, it was really nice

to be around you guys
when you were laughing

and having fun together.

So, if that's what
you mean by friends,

I'll take it.

♪ ♪

Olive, are you okay?

Is there anything
we can do for you?

No.

I'm sorry I ruined dinner.

Oh, Olive, you didn't
ruin anything.

You know, Olive,
I was about your age

when my parents
got divorced.

‐Really?
‐Yeah.

And I wanted my family to be

what it used to be,
too, but it never was.

It turned into
something different.

My mom and I became
our own little family.

A great little family.

And when my mom
passed away,

I also thought my family
would never be the same.

And it wasn't,

but we moved in with
the world's coolest grandma.

Guilty.

And the three
of us became
our own great family.

That's true. You did.

And besides,
no matter what happens,

your friends will help
you through this.

You've got the bestest
bestie right next to you.

Guilty.

And I learned, Olive, that
your mom and dad love you

and will always
be there for you,

even if they're not together.

Wow.

This is a lot to take in.

Yeah. You probably
need some space.

That means you,
too, old dude.

Do you want me to give
you some space, too?

No.

I want zero space from you.

♪ ♪

It's been almost an hour.
How do you think
the girls are doing?

I don't know. Unlike you,

I don't pretend I'm dusting
with my ear to the door.

Oh hey, look who's here.
If you girls are still hungry,

we've got a half
a pizza in the fridge,

unless you wanna eat
it cold for breakfast.

Actually,

I won't be here for breakfast.

I'm ready to go home.

‐Really? I'm proud
of you, Olive.
‐So am I.

Thanks. You guys are right.

My family may be changing,

but we'll still be a family.
Just different.

So you wanna
call your mom now?

Yeah. And while I wait,

how about we
finish that pizza?

I call crust!

Fine, if you must.

What's this? No fuss?

Ooh! More rhymes!

I didn't wreck it, I trust?

Well now, it's a bust.

JK. Eat my dust!

♪ ♪

This chicken piccata is amazing.

Yeah, Max. It's delicious.

So who cooked it?

First of all, way to
not believe in me, Mom!

And second, it was Alisha.

Who's this Alisha?

Just some girl. No big deal.

Got it.
You have a crush on her.

Dad! I never said that!

Yeah, Doug.
He never said that.

And by the way,
it's a giant crush.

‐Guys, can we not
talk about this?
‐Sorry.

You know, I can teach you
to play the ukulele.

It's how I won over your mom.

You won me over
in spite of the ukulele.

So when do I get
to meet this Alisha?

Or do I have to wait
until you two are
walking down the aisle?

(both giggle)

Okay, you've had your fun.

Can we just stop
talking about this now?

‐Okay, sorry.
‐Doug: Sorry.

You're right.

You really think
Alisha would like it

‐if I learned to
play the ukulele?
‐Judy: Hey.

If it got us a broken lamp,
it can do anything.

♪ ♪

♪ Do do, do do do do, do do ♪

♪ Do do, do do do do, do do ♪

♪ Do do, do do do do, do do ♪

♪ Do do, do do do do, do do ♪

Man:
Oh yeah.