05x12 - Young & Third Wheel

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Young & Hungry". Aired June 2014 - July 2018.*
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"Young & Hungry" follows wealthy young tech entrepreneur Josh, who hires a feisty young food blogger named Gabi to be his new personal chef. Desperate to keep her new job, Gabi must prove her skills to Josh and his personal aide Elliot, who would prefer a celebrity chef for the job instead. The series is loosely based upon the life of San Francisco food blogger Gabi Moskowitz.
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05x12 - Young & Third Wheel

Post by bunniefuu »

This is so great.

I know. The wine, the view. Me.

Fantastic.

I was talking about us.

Oh.

It took us two years to realize
that we love each other,

but I'm so happy that we did.

Me too.

Me three.

Oh, no, we're outta wine.

Yep, you finished the last of it.

No wonder I feel so tipsy.

(SOFIA AND GABI LAUGH)

Um, Sofia, I don't... I don't
think you should drive home.

Josh, is it cool
if Sofia spends the night?

I think she can drive.

I mean, sure.

She can stay. What are guest rooms for?

Gue-ests!

I am so happy right now.

Me too.

Me three! (GIGGLES) Look what I found!

- Another bottle of wine!
- Oh, boy!

So which one of you two is
gonna carry me up the stairs?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ She in the spotlight ♪

♪ And she turn my head ♪

♪ She run a red light ♪

♪ 'Cause she bad like that ♪

♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

♪ Baby, I like that
ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪


(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, Josh, where do you keep
an extra toothbrush?

Oh, I think you'll find one

right next to the night alone

I wanted with my girlfriend.

Uh, in the cabinet, under the sink,

right next to Elliot's concealer.

Thank you.

Good Ni-ight!

- Sleep ti-ight!
- (DOOR SHUTTING)

Gabi, I think we have a problem.

Okay, well, let's just keep kissin',

maybe it'll fix itself.

No. It's not that.

Sofia's here all the time!

I mean, we're a couple now.

We need time alone.

Yeah, I know, and I want time alone,

but she's my best friend,

I can't just ditch her
because I have a boyfriend.

I bet if she met somebody,
she'd ditch you.

Yeah, well, we'll never
have to find out,

because she's never gonna meet anybody.

Why not? Sofia's a great girl.

Yeah, she's not the problem.

Have you ever noticed
she's a little picky?

I bet she'd like my friend Evan.

I mean, he owns his own gym.

Yeah, uh, I met Evan.

I think he'd be happier dating a Jim.

Uh, what about my buddy Dan?

Dan, the guy who pronounces vase "vahz"?

Mike.

Man Boobs Mike?

Yeah, has he met Evan?

Are you sure Sofia's the picky one?

- (GIGGLES)
- Ooh! d*ck!

See? Told you it'd fix itself.

No...

My dentist.

d*ck Donahue!

Hmm. You really think
Sofia would go for a dentist?

She would consider it!

(GAGS)

- Elliot!
- Oh, morning, boss!

Hey, I need you.

I got like a thousand files on here

that need to be converted
before my meeting tomorrow.

Ohh, I bet you look so cute
running a meeting.

Hey, do you wanna have
a little meeting right now?

I'll convert the files for you.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

He was talkin' to Gabi.

I know.

Uch, all that giggling and canoodling.

I wish Alan and I still had that,

but something's gone flat
in the bedroom.

Was it Alan after you
rolled off him? (LAUGHS)

Seriously, if you wanna
get your sexy back,

I can help you.

"Yolanda's Dude-oir Photos.

"Where bros pose with no clothes."

Since when have you been doing
erotic photography?

Since I got caught in that locker room,

and had to come up
with an excuse on the fly.

Yolanda, these are great.

Oh, yeah, guys play out
all kinda fantasies.

Construction workers,
sailors, celebrities.

Who finds Cedric the Entertainer sexy?

That's me, fool!

Now all you gotta do
is figure out Alan's fantasy.

Oh! I know exactly
what Alan's fantasy is.

Yah! Yah!

Why are you not taking any pictures?

I'm busy second guessing the life
choices I've made that got me here.

Alan's favorite reality show is
"The Real Dog Sledders of Alaska."

And I modeled myself after his favorite,

Lance Klondike!

Dog sledder by day,
Jewish doctor by night.

Wait! I need a scarf to ripple as the
wind blows across the icy tundra.

Ooh, I know. I got Rabbi Ben's
prayer shawl in my purse.

Why would you have that?

After what we do? He needs to
make things right with God.

You know what? Never mind.

Come on, let's do this.

Hold up.

All right. Show me your snowballs!

- (CAMERA CLICKING)
- Whoo!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Isn't this goin' great?
It's goin' great.

Okay, who's ready for some more wine?

Ooh, white for me.
Red stains your teeth.

Oh.

I just have to say, you guys, um, I
have not had this much fun on a date

since... wow, it's been
a really long time. (LAUGHING)

Well, I'm sure you two would like to get
to know each other a little bit better,

and what better way to do that
than not be here with us?

(LAUGHING)

Why don't I help you
clean up real quick, Gabi?

Oh, thank you, d*ck.

Wow, he's such a gentleman.

I cannot wait to introduce him
to my mother.

Shut up, desperate,
you're gonna ruin this for me!

You. You're gonna ruin this for you.

Excuse me one minute.

Hey, uh, Elliot.

Why are you dressed
like Nanook of the North Korea?

Because I'm just finishing
converting your files.

Oh. And you're doing it
in that outfit because...

Oh, no! An outfit would imply
I'm wearing pants.

So, d*ck, what do you think?

Sofia has great teeth, huh? And she,
uh, she knows when not to use 'em.

Sofia's the best. Hope she's not
just after my nitrous hook-up.

(LAUGHS) That's happened before.

- (PHONE BEEPING)
- Oh. Is that an emergency root canal?

Worse. My ex-girlfriend, Kayla.

She's still got stuff in my apartment.

She keeps bugging me
to bring it by the salon.

Oh, so you, uh, still text with the ex?

Oh, not that much.

Hm. Hey, uh, d*ck, can you, uh,
help me put these, uh, dishes

in the dishwasher?

Oh.

Oh! You know what?
Here, let me hold that

so you don't get it all wet.

Um, you know what, d*ck, you
should not be helpin' me

with the dishes... Josh!

- Oh, but I'm happy...
- Josh!

You know what? Oh my god, I think
I saw Sofia just eat a carmel.

- What?
- Yeah, go!

What?

d*ck is texting his ex, Kayla.

- So?
- So? So?

He said it's just because
she left stuff at his apartment,

but everybody knows you
just text your ex for sex.

Text, ex, sex... it's
true because it rhymes!

Gabi, he's really into Sofia,
I'm sure it's nothing.

How do we know that d*ck's
not still hung up on Kayla?

We don't! And we don't have
to, because I love d*ck,

Sofia loves d*ck, everybody loves d*ck,

and if I wasn't being serious,

that would've been so damn funny,

but I am serious, so it's not!

Gabi, don't screw this up.

Okay, all right, I get it.

Do ya? Do ya?

I do! I do! I don't!

Hi, this is Gabi Diamond.
I'd like to make an appointment

for a haircut tomorrow morning
with Kayla.

Hi, I'm Kayla.

Uh-oh.

You're pretty.

(MUTTERS) Sofia's screwed.

So, what are we thinking?

Um, I was thinking,
uh, bangs, highlights,

are you getting back together
with your ex-boyfriend d*ck?

Excuse me? Who are you?

Um, I... I'm Gabi, and my best
friend is dating your ex,

and I just wanna make sure
you guys are totally over,

'cause if you're not, I really
don't want her to get hurt.

Wow, d*ck's already seeing someone?

Yeah.

Is it bothering you?

You're bothering me.

I bother everyone.

Um, but uh, the question is,

does d*ck dating someone bother you?

- No. I'm done with d*ck.
- (SNICKERS)

Well, good. That's a relief.

So what do you want done to your hair?

Um, what costs... three dollars?

- Your last hair cut.
- Oh!

How did she know?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Oh, hey, Alan.

Are... Are you here to pick up Elliot?

Yeah. But first I need
to talk to you, Yo-Yo.

I need your advice.

Elliot came home crazy late last night.

He said he was working,
but I'm not buying it.

No offense, but you guys
don't do crap around here.

Plus, when he got into bed, he had a
very shaggy, musky scent about him.

I think he might be having an affair.

Alan, I can tell you with certainty,
Elliot is not havin' an affair.

Oh my god, with certainty?

You have information, Yo-Yo!

- Out with it!
- Hm-mmm.

All I can tell you is,

I was helpin' him become the man

you've always dreamed of.

Mario Lopez?

What the oy is this?

A tallis?

(GASP) Elliot's converting
to Judaism for me!

Hey. Alan.

Josh, was Elliot here late last
night because he was converting?

Yeah! He was doing it in my office.

Oh my god! My mother's
finally gonna accept Elliot!

I can finally stop going to therapy!

Ah, who am I kidding?

Hey, babe.

Ohh. A rose. Why a rose?

Well, I figured tonight
was special, you know?

It's the first time the two of
us are alone out on a date.

You know, to be honest,
I was gettin' a little concerned

that we were never gonna rid of...

- SOFIA: Josh!
- It's like I'm still hearing her.

(LAUGHING) Hi.

Thank you so much for sending us

that incredible bottle of wine.

Although it was red. But I brought my

wine straw, so we're good! (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) He brought me one, too!

You guys wanna join us?

Yeah, we'll be right there!

I thought you said
we were gonna be alone tonight.

Yes, I know, a... and I thought so, too,

but then I thought, if d*ck
really is the one for Sofia,

I should be here, because her second
dates tend to be the last ones.

When does it end?

On the second date, I just told you.

No, this! When... When does this end?

Listen, we'll just have... we'll
have one drink with them,

and then we can be alone, I promise.

(PURRING)

No, stop! Stop!

Told you, don't do Gabi cat in public.

I'm sorry.

(GASP)

Kayla?

d*ck, I know you're
surprised to see me, but...

Is that bitch using my wine straw?

Kayla...

Stop. This morning, I heard
you were seeing someone new,

and I thought
it didn't bother me,
but it turned out, it did.

All day, I've been thinking
about you with another girl,

and... and I realized, I don't want you

to be with someone else,
I want you to be with me.

I'm in love with you.

So...

d*ck Donahue, D.D.S., will you marry me?

I am so sorry.

It's okay, we all have crazy exes.

- Yes, I'll marry you!
- What?

(BYSTANDERS APPLAUDING)

Oh my god! And this is
the girl who inspired me

to do this!

- What?
- What?


If you hadn't come in this morning,

I wouldn't even be here.

Uh-huh.

- I owe this all to you. Thank you.
- GABI: That's great.

Mm-hm.

Sofia, listen, the only
reason I went to her

is because I found out
that he was still texting her,

and I wanted to make sure
that it was totally done,

so that you didn't get hurt.

d*ck. You came back.

I had to. These aren't cheap.

(GASP)

Well... you dodged a b*llet.

How could you ruin this for me?

(SIGH)

See?

I told you her second dates
are always a disaster.

Gabi, everything was goin' great,
we found Sofia a great guy,

we got rid of our third wheel. Do you
remember standing in my kitchen,

promising me you wouldn't get involved?

Yes, yes, I remember. And I
didn't intend to screw it up,

but then my feelings
for Sofia overpowered

my intention not to screw it up,

and then I really screwed it up.

Oh, so your feelings for Sofia
overpowered your feelings for me?

Yes, exactly!

No, wait. No, no!

Remember the... (PURRING)

Gabi...

know what?

I'm startin' to feel
like I'm the third wheel.

(WHISPERS) I only have three dollars.

(PURRING)

Elliot, I couldn't wait anymore.

Yolanda told me
about the surprise
you're planning!

What? Why would she wanna
ruin everything for me?

I just answered my own question.

Well, the fiddler's off the roof!

Come on! What are Jew waiting for?

Okay! Wait here!

Mom! Prepare to meet
your newly Jewish son-in-law.

I can't believe
this is really happening!

Oh, it's happening, Ma.

He's probably getting
his yarmulke, a tallis...

And hopefully, some rugelach.

Now that he's Jewish,
I have my appetite back.

Prepare to be aroused!

Ta-da!

Oy gevalt!

He may be Jewish up there, but he's
definitely not Jewish down there.

Uch, come on. Cancel the rugelach!

It's not me. It's Lance Klondike.

Brought you a bundt cake.

Actually, it was a regular cake,

but I ate the middle on the way home.

I'll get the plates and forks, you sit.

(EXHALES DISDAINFULLY)

Sofia, I had no right to do what I did.

And it was wrong of me to think I did
have the right to do what I did,

so the only way
to make right what I did wrong

is to tell you
that I'm... I'm really sorry.

Come on, Sofia, say something.

- No ice cream?
- No! I got ice cream!

I got ice cream, here.

Look, and it's mint chocolate chip!

It's your favorite! I know you love it!

- I know you wanna forgive me...
- What is wrong with you?

So many things!

I don't know. What happens with
most girls when they get boyfriends

is they lose their girlfriends, and

then their girlfriends find boyfriends,

and then the girlfriends
just drift apart, and

I don't... I don't want
us to drift, Sofia.

Oh my god. Do you know
what I just realized?

Mint chip doesn't go with bundt cake?

No. Yes, but... No.

I think the reason I keep including
you in everything with me and Josh

is because I just don't wanna lose you.

And maybe you don't wanna lose me?

It's okay, you're not there yet,
that's fine, that's fine.

But maybe, just maybe, the reason you

keep hangin' out with
me and Josh so much

is because you feel the same way?

Gabi, that is insane. You think
that I go over to Josh's house

and I drink too much because I
subconsciously wanna be with you?

- Oh my god.
- See?

That is so sick!

I know!

- Ucch.
- So, what do we do,

I mean, I don't wanna lose
you, you don't wanna lose me?

Well, I don't know, things are changing.

Yeah, but wh... what if I
don't want them to change?

Hey! What if we make a pact

to spend every Thursday night together?

Like a date night?

Yeah, but we don't have to,
like, make out or anything.

- Oh, so exactly like my date nights.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm really sorry that I messed
everything up with d*ck.

Oh. It would never have
worked out with him, anyway.

Turns out, his middle name was d*ck.

His first name was Harry.

I don't understand. Why does that... oh.

Gabi and I got into a huge fight.
I don't wanna talk about it.

Then why'd you say it?

She chose Sofia over me,
do you believe it?

Oh my god. You and I are
having the exact same problem.

Alan and his mom ran when they
saw me pantsless on a dogsled.

I am so mad right now,
I can't even look at her.

Should I go see her?
Should I go over there, see her?

No, no, you kn... I'm not gonna
go see her. If I go over there,

I'm gonna look like a big wuss.
If she wants to

make this work, she's
gonna have to come to me.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

She came to me! Yolanda, she came to me!

She didn't come to me.

- Alan, you're back!
- Honey, Mom and I talked,

- and she realized...
- Honey, let me talk.

You know, I always wanted my son
to be with a nice Jewish boy.

- Ma!
- What? Just let me talk.

I realized my son doesn't need
a nice Jewish man.

He needs a nice loving man.

And anyone who could get dressed
up in that facacta Eskimo outfit,

with his schmekel hanging out?
Definitely loves the hell outta my son.

(LAUGHS) Ooh!

I do, I do!

Well, welcome to the family.

Come over here. Give Mom... Mom a hug.

Oy! (LAUGHS)

Let's celebrate!

Josh-Ala, I hear you have
quite the wine collection.

Blackberry Manischewitz is my favorite.

But if you only have grape,
we will make do.

Josh?

Gabi.

I do wanna be alone with you.

And I think we should start right now.

Oh my god, who is that?

That's Josh's chef.

What, does everyone
in this house go naked?

If only.

Well, when in Rome...

Ma!

What?

So, first time spendin' the
night here without Sofia.

How ya feelin'?

(SIGH) Like, I don't miss her,
but I love her.

But I don't miss her,
because I love you.

Me too.

Me three.

Damn, this wine is good.

Ya know, I'm a little tipsy.

Mind if I spend the night?

You missed some.

You, too.
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