04x04 - And the Silver Screen

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Librarians". Aired: December 2014 to February 2018.*
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A secret group of librarians set off on adventures in an effort to save mysterious, ancient artifacts. Based on the Librarian movie franchise.
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04x04 - And the Silver Screen

Post by bunniefuu »

You know, I have to confess, I don't
know these movies as well as you.

Oh, it doesn't get sexier than Dirk
Montagne and Margaret Holloway.

They made five films
together, all written

and directed by James Desmond Wheeler.

I think I may have seen
"Mayhem at the Mocambo."

Ah, that was the first. Then they
did "Broadway Bound and Gagged,"

"The Achilles High Heel,"
"Trapeze, Anyone?,"

and finally, "The Found,
the Lost, and the Looking,"

which is what we're seeing.

Hi, two please. And how do
you know all these movies?

My grandmother and I used to stay up and
watch the late night movie together.

How come we don't watch
more movies together?

Saving the world doesn't
give us a lot of downtime.

FLYNN: That's true.

You know, popcorn has a history
that goes back , years.

- Rather fascinating, really.
- I disagree.

It wasn't until the Great Depression

that popcorn made its way
into movie houses.

Up until then, they wanted to
cater to more of an upscale...

My darling, may I interrupt
you for a moment?

- Of course.
- You need a break from your intellect

- even more than I do.
- What does that mean?

Well, we've been saying we
should act like normal people,

do normal people things.
Let's start tonight.

I'm not a Guardian, you're not
a Librarian. We're just two...

The Librarian. You said "a" Librarian.
Like I'm some kind of...

The Librarian. Him. Him.
Don't be a him tonight.

Just be normal.

Movies aren't meant to be dissected.

They're meant to wash over you
like a wave

until you're totally immersed
in the story,

swimming in the characters.

Can you do that?

I might have to take Dramamine,
but I think I can try.

Flynn, that's all I ask.

Excuse us.

(EXHALES)

(NOIR MUSIC PLAYING)

(THUNDER)

MAN: It was a dark and rainy night,

but then, isn't it always

(IN UNISON)
when trouble comes to call?

Shh!

Trouble never calls itself trouble.

(IN UNISON) This time, it came in
desperate and damp on three-inch heels

calling itself Madeline.

Shh!

Sorry, did that hurt?

Hurt? Baby, I'm not even ticklish.

(SLURPING)

(SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

To the found, the lost,
and the looking.

(KNOCKING)

(CROWD MURMURING)

(SCREAMING)

EZEKIEL: They're not picking up.

Still feels a little weird
that we're checking up on them.

Well, they've been gone a day.

It's not like Flynn
and Baird to disappear.

Plus they missed the tethering
ceremony rehearsal.

Well, Baird did say that they were
going to take the Metro into Hollywood

to see an old movie, so...

"James Desmond Wheeler: A
Retrospective." Bet this is it.

- They took the Metro?
- Yeah, it's like the magic door,

only it's slower
and it smells like pee.

Whoa.

Box office doesn't open
for another ten minutes.

Thank you.

What are you here to see?

Oh, I'm going to see them all.

Read about the reopening of
this theater and who bought it.

Quite interesting.

Hi, folks, hi. Thanks for coming.

Unfortunately, due to a problem

with our projector in theater one,

today's showings of "The Found,
the Lost, and the Looking"

- are... are canceled.
- CROWD: Aww.

But... but "Chaps In Chaps!"
in theater two

and "Brain Robbers
From Planet Xenon Alpha Six"

in theater three are still working fine.
Let's hope.

- Excuse me. I'm sorry, hi.
- Yes? Hi.

We're with the American Film Library.

- Yeah.
- Uh... Institute.

The... we're looking for
a couple of colleagues.

- They came here last night.
- Can you describe them?

Tall blonde, goofy know-it-all.

Come with me.

I'm so glad you're here.
I didn't know who to call.

I didn't want to turn anything off.

Something go wrong
in one of the theaters?

Three years of extensive,
expensive renovation

open only for one day...

I was a studio executive
for years before that.

Oh, I thought I'd seen it all. My
name is Jade Wells, by the way.

- What exactly happened?
- It's pretty self-explanatory.

Is anybody even out there?

Can anybody even hear me?

BAIRD: Somebody! Flynn, do something!

What do you expect me to do,
Eve, jump through the screen?


I tried that
and hurt my knees both times.


Flynn!

- Baird!
- They can't hear you.

Or see you.

They've been fighting
like that all night.

- Oh, this is not good.
- What... how did they get in there?

And how do we get them out?

More importantly,
what the hell is Flynn doing?

(SCREAMING)

I've heard of situations
where people live out a story,

but being stuck inside?
That's completely new.

Protocol demands we take
a disciplined approach.

I have a theory
about the power source.

Los Angeles sits in a basin

defined by the sloping Santa
Monica mountains to the west

and the San Gabriels
to the north and east.

Historically, Los Angeles has collected
everything from dinosaur bones

to smog in it's, uh, bowl-like shape.

And ley energy is no exception.

It's pooled in these massive
subterranean ley lakes,

one of which is located
directly at the coordinates

of . degrees north

by . degrees west.

The Hollywood Wax Museum.

That's all we need.
Super-charged wax figures

of Tom Cruise and Charlton Heston.

And on the opposite corner,
you guessed it,

the Hollywood Movie Palace.

Designed in the s,
it was a faux-Moroccan style,

originally opened as the Alcazar.

Three years ago, it was
purchased by a Jade Wells.

She reopened it
as the Hollywood Movie Palace,

and it's now a revival house dedicated
to the works of forgotten masters.

Forgotten? Try never heard of.

Who's ever heard
of James Desmond Wheeler?

I have.

Yes, uh, the films of James Desmond
Wheeler, I'm very familiar with.

After helming a string of really
poor box office performers,

he was relegated to directing
B-westerns, sci-fi monster movies.

Made his last film in ,
which turned out to be

the surf biker cult
classic "Hang Ten To Zuma."

Oh!

He was married, had a daughter.

And he and his wife adopted.
He d*ed on March ,

in Saugus, California, right off
Interstate near Magic Mountain.

- Oh, Magic Mountain!
- No.

Ley lakes account for the location,

but for Flynn and Baird
to get sucked into celluloid,

I mean, that would be the job of
one of these new artifacts right?

And I reckon Jade's already told
us what it is, the projectors.

It could be anything. It doesn't have
to be... it could be the chandelier.

It could be the seats. Hell,
it could be the stage curtain.

It is literally the division
between substance and fantasy.

It was the screen.

The focal point
of all of those viewers

over all of those decades, I mean,

it would imbue it with an incredible
amount of psychic energy.

Whatever the artifact is, we
are now certain where it is.

Right. So we go into the theater,

rub on anything magicky,
and get sucked into...

No, my foolish friend.
Our job is to get them out.

Not lose anyone else to its grasp.

- But how?
- Well, according to Library lore,

in a case of literal
narrative transference

like this, there is only one way.

We must help bring the movie's
story to its intended conclusion.

It must end exactly as it was intended.
No changes.

- Why can't anyone hear us?
- (SAXOPHONE PLAYING)


Eve, my arm is throbbing.

And will whoever is playing that
incessant saxophone please stop?


- (SAXOPHONE STOPS)
- How about a drink?


Oh, I would love one,

but my Fanta is out there

and I don't have a -foot straw.

How about a real drink?
There's a bottle in

the bottom left drawer
of your desk, smart guy.

And two glasses
in the top right, remember?

- (THUNDER)
- I know everything about this office.

I've seen it ten times.

And I don't think we're going
about this the right way.

I don't think the way out...

is out there.

I think the way out...

is out there.

Of course.

Why didn't I think of this before?

Protocol for literal
narrative transference.

Eve, you've been studying
Library lore.

- Yep.
- All we have to do is finish the movie.

As Kitty and Mac. Do everything
exactly as they did.

Trigger the next event and then the
next until we reach a conclusion.

- Okay, so what happens next?
- Outside that door

is sultry chanteuse
and divorcée Madeline Kincaid.

But Madeline doesn't enter the scene

until after I've poured you a drink.

And I don't pour you a drink

until after I've removed
a b*llet from your arm, so...

Ah-ha, hey, Eve. I mean, Kitty.

Let's, uh, let's talk
this over for a minute, huh?

- I mean, come on, huh?
- Shh.

I mean, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Flynn, no more.

You're Mac Doyle, and Mac
Doyle doesn't feel any fear.

He buried it under the Ardennes in '

and replaced that fear with a
flinty, hard-edged realism.

He's decisive, smart, strong, witty,

capable, a master of trapeze.

You need to be Mac
and I need to be Kitty.

And we need to play
these roles to the hilt

because, baby, digging
a b*llet out of your arm

is only the beginning,
act one, scene one.

And we got a long way to go.

(THUNDER)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(GRUNTS) You know, in the movie,

Margaret Holloway
really seemed to be able

to just... pluck it
right out of there.

Maybe because Dirk Montagne
never said anything

that wasn't fabulously charming
or dangerously alluring.

Oh, no? How did Dirk wittily
handle dizziness from blood loss?

Look at my skin. I'm ashen.

You're not ashen.
You're in black and white.

And you're breaking character.
Follow the script.

I say, "Sorry, did that hurt?"

And then you say, "Baby, I... "

"Baby, I'm not even ticklish!"

Yes, I know, and then
the b*llet will come out?

Exactly! Yes, yes. Yes. Are you ready?

(WHIMPERS)

Sorry, did that hurt?

(YELLS) Baby, baby, baby!

Baby, baby, baby,
I'm not... I'm not...

(BABBLING)

I'm not even... I'm not...
I'm not even ticklish!

Oh, I got it!

Now I pour the drinks.

Okay, and what am I
supposed to do now?

Hey, now you look deep into my eyes

and you say, "Here's to the found,

the lost, and the looking."

And then we toast.

Here's to the found,
the lost, and looking."

(KNOCKING)

Hello? Is anyone in?

(CHUCKLES)

Mr. Doyle...

I need your help.

Okay, Madeline Kincaid,

daughter of eccentric millionaire
inventor Dr. Preston Kincaid is here,

desperate to find
a priceless ruby necklace

she suspects was stolen by notorious
gangster/ night club owner

Anthony Schazzola,
A.K.A., Tony The Shaz.

- Okay.
- Also, she's going to flirt with you

and ask you to meet her
at her bungalow

- back at The Ambassador Hotel.
- (CHUCKLES)

Do I go to The Amb... no, I wouldn't
go to The Ambassador Hotel.

Well, how would you suggest
that I play this?

I'd suggest carefully and cool.

- Gotcha. Improv time.
- No! No, no. Opposite.

Opposite of improv. Flynn... Mac,

promise me you'll stick to the script

- and wait for my prompts.
- I understand.

Careful and cool.

(THUNDER)

Ahem, come in.

Mr. Doyle? Mr. Mac Doyle?

- Maybe yes and maybe no.
- Ahem.

Let's say yes.

And unless I miss my guess, you
are sultry Madeline Kincaid,

desperate daughter of Dr.
Millionaire Preston Kincaid,

and you are here...

- looking for something.
- Very good, Mr. Doyle.

I'll come straight to the point.

A certain gentleman connected to the

gaming world has something
of mine, and...

I want it back.

Are you familiar with a Mr. Schazzola?

Tony The Shaz, yes.

And unless I miss my guess, he been
dabbling in the jewelry trade,

if you catch my drift.

I feel an immediate ease
with you, Mr. Doyle.

Like we have a mental shorthand.

We're clearly connected.

I want back what's mine, Mr. Doyle.

You can name your price.

I keep a bungalow at The Ambassador.

Hello! I'm surprised Mac
hasn't introduced us.

Kitty Dupree,
Mac's long time associate.

Associate? I see.

Then I'm sure you can
quote me the going rate.

bucks a day plus expenses.

And yet it's clear as gin
you're worth ever so much more.

As I said, I keep a
bungalow at The Ambassador.

You can reach me there...

(THUNDER)

- at night.
- (CHUCKLES)

Good day, Miss Dupree.

Ha-ha.

- Ahem. She didn't seem so bad.
- That's what I thought, too,

but then she takes a turn
you don't see coming,

and then it turns out
it was her all along.

Ah. Okay, angel face, where to next?

Or shall I make a wager?

Even odds we're headed to Long Beach

to a floating casino
called "The SS Tango"

for our first dance
with Tony The Shaz.

- How'd you know that?
- This room is full of clues.

Plus, there's kind of
a formula to these things.

Do I get a g*n?

Top desk drawer.

(THUNDER)

(NOIR MUSIC PLAYING)

(FOGHORN BLARES)

You don't scare me. You're pathetic.

Go ahead and sh**t.

Don't do it, Madeline.
You can still walk away.


It's too late.
I can't go back. I won't.


TONY: You're all bluff. Take away
your daddy's money and what are you?


A so-so singer with too much
past and too little future.


- Shut up.
- No husband.


- I mean it, shut up!
- No talent.


- And no kid.
- (GROANS)


(GASPS, GROANS)

Wow. I did not see that coming.

Seemed it was going a different way.

Yeah, well nevertheless,
we must find a way

to communicate the plot to Mr.
Carson and Colonel Baird.

I still say we go in.

Now we know the ending, we can
help them get to the right spots.

All we have to do is rig the back door
just like Flynn did with Charlene.

We anchor it to Flynn
and Baird's things,

which is full of their psychic mojo.

- Actually, that's true.
- No, it's not...

please, listen to me,
that is too risky.

So what do you suggest, Jenkins?

You say they're trapped
in the opening scene,

in the office. We need the exact date
and time from the production report,

a Tenite thermoplastic
Western Electric model ,

and a force powerful enough
to catalyze temporal induction.

What are you saying, Jenkins?

We might be able to call them.

- This is so cool.
- It really is.

How long does the drive
take in the movie?

About three minutes.

Since they're on their way
to a casino,

they talk a lot
about Mac's gambling problem,

which was a big theme
in their last movie together,

"Trapeze, Anyone?"

I see.

Hey, do you think this car just
knows where to go on its own?

- Why do you ask?
- Well, it feels like I'm driving,

but there's only one road.
Pretty clear which way to go.

If I took my hands off this wheel,

think the car would just take us to
the water taxi stand on the harbor?

Or would we crash?

I think if it feels like you're
driving, you probably are.

I wouldn't test it.

You're right.

- Flynn!
- (TIRES SCREECHING)

(LINE RINGING)

Well, it's been minutes.

Either they can't answer or they've
already progressed to the next scene.

Miss Cillian? Ezekiel?

- This is not good.
- We're in the wrong movie!

- This is "Chaps In Chaps!"
- Oh, you think?


Tex Mangrove
and Dandy Dan O'Flannaghan,

you've been found guilty
and are hereby sentenced to hang

until such a time as you are dead.

Guess you won't be singing
yourselves out of this one.

- What do we do?
- I don't know!

I've never seen "Chaps In Chaps!"

May God have mercy
on your troubled souls.

(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

- (g*nshots)
- (WOMEN SCREAMING)

Look out, men! It's Lacey McCallister!

(g*nf*re)

- Ahh!
- (GRUNTS)

(g*nf*re)

(YELLING)

Ahh!

Did you see that? It was incredible.
I couldn't miss.


This is exactly what I was afraid of,

but do they ever listen?

I'm sure Colonel Baird and Mr. Carson

are faring no better.

FLYNN: So what happens in this scene?

We talk our way in using aliases
saying we need to see the boss,

and then he sends for us at the bar.

- Wait, what are the aliases?
- Names, please.

Yes, sir. May I please
introduce you to my fiancée

- Lady Gaga Van Damme.
- And you are?

Dr. Julius Erving III.

I'm sorry, doctor, but...

We have urgent business
to discuss with Mr. Schazzola.

Mr. Schazzola is a very busy man.

So am I! And I didn't water taxi
through three miles of chop

to listen to any flunky lip, so unless
you want to paddle that clipboard

back to the mainland, I suggest
you find Tony The Shaz

and tell him that Dr. J
and Lady Gaga are at the bar...

having drinks.

(WOLF HOWLS)

This is crazy. We're cooking a weasel.

And what, we're supposed to
just wait out here all night?

Beautiful country, isn't it?

Look, where do we think
this story goes next?

Well, hopefully Jenkins fixes the
door and we don't have to find out.

(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

Where is that music coming from?

STONE: I feel there's
a song coming on.

♪ They said he had no mother ♪

♪ But grew from a dusty plain ♪

- Stone, what are you doing?
- ♪ And no jail that'll hold him ♪

♪ Or slow him with ball and chain ♪

♪ Behind the g*n for hire
is a burning raging fire ♪

♪ That even he could not contain ♪

♪ Whoa

♪ Tex Mangrove was his name

♪ Ah, ah

♪ Tex Mangrove was his name

(WOLF HOWLS)

(YODELING)

- (CONTINUES YODELING)
- (WOLF HOWLS)

Is everything all right?

We'll figure out the glitch
and open again soon.

Well, I had hoped that...

I know, I promise.
As soon as possible.

Why is this happening? Was this
an old Indian burial ground?

Was the marquee
hit by lightning? What?

I think it is safe to say

that there is
an unknown force at work.

The question is why here? Why now?

- Why these films?
- I have no idea.

- My father would have loved it, though.
- Your father?

My father was James Desmond Wheeler.

Okay, they bring us back.
We ask them about the necklace.

They get suspicious, search you,
find the g*n, rough you up.

I slip out, go below deck.

How bad does it get?

I'm not gonna lie, you won't like it.

Okay, what exactly are the rules here?

I can't drive into oncoming traffic,

but I can somehow get away with
calling you Lady Gaga Van Damme?

It appears we have
some leeway in our actions

provided we adhere
to the major plot points.

And getting the hell kicked out
of me is a major plot point?

- Right.
- Okay, what happens next?

Then they throw you over the side.

- What?
- Don't worry.

I pick you up halfway to shore
in an inflatable rubber dinghy.

So after being beaten,
I only have to swim

for a mile and a half
through freezing water?

- Right.
- And what are you doing

the entire time
I'm getting worked over?

I investigate and determine
Schazzola's moll has the rubies.

But we already know that!

What do you want me to say, Flynn?

Mac. No Lara Croft movies back then.

Women did the sleuthing,
men did the punching.

Well, I don't see why I...

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

The Shaz will see you now.

Do you know my father's work
well, Mr. Jenkins?

Well, I rank "The Achilles High Heel"

and "Tis of Thee" among
the highest in their genres.

Ooh, good taste. You know, it's funny
the three that are running now

are amongst my least favorite.

The music in "Chaps In
Chaps!" is good, though.

And the natural dapple of light
in the ambush is very nice.

I wonder, would you have any of the
original production reports or scripts

- from your father's films?
- I have it all.

This isn't a town. I want
to play cowboy in a town.

Hang on, Dandy Dan. I got a
good feeling about this place.

- It feels safe here.
- Oh, I hear what you're saying, Lacey.

Or... Cassie.

Yes, ma'am. A man can lay
down some roots here.

- There they are!
- Let's get 'em!

(g*nf*re)

- Ambush! Go!
- Ahh!

(g*nf*re)

- The loo!
- What?

- The dunny!
- What?

The poop shack over there!

Jenkins must have patched us
through to the right movie.

All right, you guys make
a run for it. I'll cover you.

- Take Frannie.
- Okay.

- (SHOUTING)
- (g*nf*re)

(SHOUTING)

Oh, hoo-hoo.

Pretty sure we're in
the wrong movie again!

(FOGHORN BLARES)

(GRUNTS)

For the last time, Dr. Erving,

what's your interest
in ruby necklaces?

(GRUNTS) Okay! I think this
plot point's been achieved.

Let's move on.

Listen to this guy.

Cool customer.

Dr. Julius Erving, "The Iceman."

Technically, George Gervin
was "The Iceman."

How about I tell you
what you're not telling me?

Madeline Kincaid sent you
along with your...

Hey, where's the dame?

She must have slipped out.
She won't get far.

Tell Madeline Kincaid there's nothing
left for her on this ship no more.

She made damn sure of that
when she left.

Surprised? Madeline didn't
share the full story with you.

Par for the course
with a dame like that.

Give her my love when you see her.

Oh, yeah, give her this for me, too.

(GRUNTS)

Okay, Chico, over the side.

Water will wake him up,
then find the dame.

Right, Shaz.

(SOBBING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(APES GIBBERING)

Why am I still in the cowboy outfit?

At least you're not the one
wearing lipstick.

Commander Reed Steele, we meet again.


I was not fooled by your disguise.

Dr. Alexandra Westbrook,
lovely as ever.

Young Jub Jub. My, how you've grown.

Almost a man.

Commander, did you really think that
your puny Xenonian Stinger fleet

could defeat a Blandorian warship,

let alone one commanded by me, Dradok,

High Priest of Blandoor?

- Jub Jub?
- I got this.

Dradok, you fool!

The stinger squadron was only a decoy.

When the Alliance learned
you were commanding this ship,

all Xenonian battle cruisers
were deployed,

and at warp speed.

But to Blandoor!

What the hell are you doing?

It's "Brain Robbers From Planet
Alpha Xenon Six." A classic.

- You lie!
- Do I?

The why don't you try reaching
Blandoor on the Telespectravision?

Or do you fear I speak the truth?

Open a channel!

(GRUNTS)

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Congratulations, Dradok!

You're the last remaining High Priest.

If only there were a planet to
return to, you would be king.

You forget one thing, doctor.

You are not guests on this ship.

You are prisoners.

And though I may be
the last Blandorian,

I will exact a revenge so complete

that every vanquished
Blandorian in the Ethranox

will feel justly and sweetly avenged!

Take them to
the Cranial Cleansing Bloc!

Ah, I forgot that part.

Sorry, guys. I tried.

Who is this woman
in all these early photos?

Oh, I don't know her name.

She's probably a secretary
or a girlfriend. Or both.

She's in all the Doyle/Dupree stills.

Something familiar about her.

Oh, hey, what about this?

The hand from "Seduce the Wind."

The one that Lon Harrington used...

- On Vivian Nance.
- (GASPS)

- Same one.
- (SOFT BEEPING)

Very, very unique item.

But... not what we're looking for.

Okay, well, what exactly
are we looking for?

Something that specifically
pertains to the films in question

or an item that has
commonality between them.

I wish his stuff were more organized.

You must have loved
your father very much

to honor his work this way.

He was a difficult man to love.

But I was grateful to him.

He and my mom adopted me
when I was a baby.

- Your mother?
- They divorced when I was four.

My mom d*ed when I was eight. I was
mostly raised by boarding schools.

And I missed him.
But you know what's funny?

I always felt closer to the films

where the best of him is.

I got it. I got it! His typewriter.

He wrote all his scripts on it.

- Nicely handled.
- Thanks for the warning.

- Nice place you have here.
- This is your place.

Where do you live?

I got a penthouse uptown
overlooking the park.

That must be nicer.

Okay, ah! What happens next?

Why don't you step over here
and find out?

(THUNDER)

(SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

I see we've arrived at the love scene.

I'd say you've earned it.

You know, Eve, you missed your era.

In these clothes, in this light,

you're the cat's pajamas.

I have to confess,
I've had this fantasy.

- Have you really?
- Mm-hmm.

The only trouble is... the fade out.

(BEEPING)

- BOTH: Bingo.
- (CHUCKLES)

Yes, the typewriter is the artifact.

Now, "The Found, the Lost,
and the Looking," the script.

"The Found, the Lost,
and the Looking," okay.

The scripts are over here.
I know they're kept over here.

"The Found"... "The Found,
the Lost, and the Looking."

(CHUCKLES) I got it.

- The original script. Wow.
- Excellent.

Now, all right, so...

- Who's "E. Darnell"?
- I don't know.

Really? 'Cause it says "The Found,
the Lost, and the Looking,"

by E. Darnell.

No, that can't be right.
My dad wrote all his scripts.

Very interesting.

So, Dr. Erving, or is it Mr. Doyle?

Back for round two?

Boys, take Pearl below.

She don't like the sight of blood.

But before you go,

don't worry, sweetheart,

Daddy'll give it back.

You'll never get away with this.

Oh, no? Two thieves
break into my office

to steal a rare ruby necklace,

both get sh*t trying
to flee the scene.

Who'll say different?

Looks like your boys might have missed

this little fellow, Shaz,
when they frisked me.

Hands up!

- Ahh!
- Sorry, Mr. Doyle.

- Me, too.
- Madeline.

Yes, Tony, me. How does it feel?

You don't scare me. You're pathetic.

Go ahead and sh**t.

Don't do it, Madeline.
You can still walk away.

It's too late.
I can't come back. I won't.

You're all bluff. Take away your
daddy's money and what are you?

A so-so singer with too much
past and too little future.

- Shut up.
- No husband.

- I mean it, shut up!
- No talent.

- Don't say it.
- And no kid.

- (GROANS)
- Flynn!

(g*nsh*t)

(GROANS)

Ahem.

We're still in the movie.

- What happened?
- I don't understand.

- Our calculations must have been off.
- We did everything right.

It should have worked.

We're trapped.

Right back where we started.

(PHONE RINGING)

Doyle Investigations, Kitty speaking.

- How may I direct your call?
- JENKINS: Colonel?

- Jenkins!
- Colonel Baird, can you hear me?

Yes, yes. Jenkins, help.
We're stuck in a loop.


What did we of wrong at the end?

No, no, you did everything right.

- It's the wrong end.
- What does that mean?

JENKINS: James Desmond Wheeler

didn't write the movie.

He rewrote the ending.

I've got the original
script in my hand,

but the last four pages are torn out.

Yes. And I have the sh**ting script,

which is the identical
ending of your movie.

You're saying that the
original ended differently

and we need to deduce how.

- Precisely.
- How?

We just spent this
whole movie as detectives

and didn't deduce anything.

I'd suggest you stop being detectives

and start being Librarians.

(CHUCKLES)

All right, now...

Let's see if we can take care
of the other Librarians.

The magic typewriter
got us into this mess.

It should also get us out of it.

Madeline Kincaid and Tony
first fell in love...

When she started singing at the club.

It was her daddy's money
that bankrolled

the construction of The S.S. Tango.

But then business started booming

and Madeline went from being
indispensable to disposable.

- And hell hath no fury...
- Like a woman scorned.

What are we missing?
What are we missing?

Wait. How do we know
she wants her necklace back?

She doesn't want that. That's the ruse
she used to get us to play patsy.

You mentioned that, she didn't. She said
someone connected to the gaming industry

had something of hers,
but she didn't specify.

Question one, why did I assume
that's what she wanted?

Question two,
what does she really want?

Let's ask her.

(AUDIO FAST-FORWARDING)

- Sorry, did that hurt?
- Hurt, baby? I'm not even ticklish.

(FAST-FORWARDING)

Here's to the found,
the lost, and the looking.

- (KNOCKING)
- MADELINE: Hello? Is anyone in?

(FAST-FORWARDING)

Come in.

Mr. Doyle? Mr. Mac Doyle?

That's what my mama called me.
Take a seat, Miss Kincaid.

You know my lover and
associate Kitty Dupree.

Uh, no.

How do you do?

Mr. Doyle, I'm here to discu...

Oh, I know all about your problem.

You want me to play the dual role

of "Patsy Punching-Bag"
and "Johnny Swiss-Cheese"

in a bus-and-truck production
of "I Musta Been Stupid."

Well, sister, I caught wise
when I caught wind

the second you wafted in here.

Oh, I'm afraid I don't understand.

You're not alone.

You want to be
a little less poetic, Mac?

Tony The Shaz took something from you.
What was it?

I, uh, we...

Oh, we know you were together.

We know your daddy's money
financed an empire.

But then things got different
and you wanted out.

And you took his pound of flesh
as payment for a broken heart.

You're not just good, Mr. Doyle.

You're clairvoyant.

You got all that just from my scent?

Imagine what insight you might glean
from my touch. I keep a bungalow...

Enough with the bungalow, Madeline. Not
gonna happen. What does Tony have?

I never should have left him.

Then everything would have been okay.

He wasn't all bad, not always.

But he took something
from you, didn't he?

- Yes.
- To punish you for leaving.

Yes.

To hurt you in a way that
only you could be hurt.

Yes.

But it wasn't a career
that he took from you.

- No.
- Or your youth.

But he took something, Madeline,
something irreplaceable.

Mm-hmm, yes.

And it wasn't your
rubies, was it, Madeline?

Tell me, what was it? It was...

My Pearl.

Madeline and Tony had a daughter,

but they kept it hush-hush
to avoid scandal,

and when Madeline left, Tony took her.

That's who I saw below deck.

I wasn't there to find the necklace,

I was there to see the girl.

Wheeler changed the whole movie

by rewriting the last four pages.

He changed the heroine
to a femme fatale,

the villain to a victim.

And the pearl to a ruby.

(GRUNTING)

For the last time, Dr. Erving,

what's your interest
in ruby necklaces?

Gift for your mom.

(GRUNTS)

So, Dr. J, or is it Mr. Doyle?

Back for round two?

Boys, take Pearl below.

She don't like the sight of blood.

But before you go,

don't worry, sweetheart,

Daddy'll give it back.

You'll never get away with this.

Oh, no? Two thieves break
into my office,

to steal a rare ruby necklace,

both get sh*t
trying to flee the scene.

Who'll say different?

Looks like your boys might have missed

this little fellow, Shaz,
when they frisked me.

- Hands up!
- Tony?

- Madeline?
- Yes, Tony, it's me.

- I've come to apologize.
- TONY: What?

You don't scare me.
Go ahead and sh**t.

I know I hurt you, Tony, but please,

don't punish Pearl
for something I did.

That's a lie. You're all bluff.

Take away your daddy's money
and what are you?

A so-so singer with too much
past and too little future.

I don't care about my future, Tony.

- Only Pearl's future.
- Shut up!

- I'm sorry, Tony.
- I said shut up!

I loved you once, and you loved me.

If you love her, let her go.

Never! This story ends one way only.

- Drop it, Doyle!
- Ah!

Boys!

Alright, boys you know what to do.

Fit 'em with cement shoes
and make 'em fish food.

Oh!

Watch out!

Tex Mangrove...

was...

was...

his...

♪ Name ♪

Cassandra, keep 'em covered

while Stone and Ezekiel tie 'em up.

Then call LAPD Harbor Patrol

and tell 'em to get
Tony The Shaz on a .

Kitty, what do you say
we take Madeline downstairs

and show her what she came for?

(BOTH SOBBING)

Why?

Why go back and change
what he'd written?

He didn't.

He changed what I'd written.

Uh, sorry, Eleanor.

I don't understand.

Wait. Eleanor...

Are you E. Darnell?

I am.

I met your father when I was .

Oh, it was wonderful.

A true collaboration.

I didn't care about the credit.

But then he took you, too.

You're my mother?

I am your mother.

And I have never stopped loving you.

I love you.

(NOIR MUSIC PLAYING)

So James Desmond Wheeler did not
write the five Doyle/Dupree movies.

Nope. They were written entirely

by his young assistant
Eleanor Darnell.

The had an affair, she got pregnant...

And to avoid scandal,
Wheeler convinced Eleanor

to let him and his wife
raise Jade as their own.

He gave her some money, sent her off.

And then she wrote "The Found,
the Lost, and the Looking"

and sent it to Wheeler
and prayed that he'd make it

in the hopes that
the real story underneath

would one day come to light.

It did. Just took a jolt

from a super-charged ley line
to make that prayer come true.

And me getting sh*t twice and beaten.

Not to mention some
very keen detective work.

Thank you, Jenkins.

Fun date.

What do you say next time
we stay home and watch Hulu?

I have to say,
sh**t and beatings aside,

this may have been
my favorite date ever.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I got to go into a world that I've
fantasized about since I was nine.

I got to see a very
different side of you...

dashing, sexy, confident.

How was that a different side?

Well, I mean, he's...
he's... you're...

you are...
not that you're not, but Mac?

Mac's just so, uh, you know.

He's... and you try...

(SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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