02x24 - A Band Done

Episode transcripts for the 2016 TV show "Kevin Can Wait" Aired September 2016 - May 2018.
"Kevin Can Wait" revolves around a newly retired police officer looking forward to quality time with his family - and his fellow retired cops. When his oldest daughter announces she’s dropping out of college to support her fiancé, Kevin knows his only choice is to move them both into his home to keep her in school. The fun has to wait... his family is his new b*at.
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02x24 - A Band Done

Post by bunniefuu »


Remember those idiots at
the office-supply store?

- No.
- You don't remember?

We just talked about it.

We ordered a filing cabinet,

and they sent us the wrong one?


Okay, let me ask you,
what happens to you

when I talk to you? Do you
just, like, shut down?

I don't shut down, but I do glaze over.

Like, right now?

I'm barely hangin' on.

The filing cabinet is in.

The thing is, they can't deliver it,

so we got to go pick
it up in the store.

Oh, how are you gonna do that?

How am I gonna do it?

How are we gonna do it?

- Let's go, big guy.
- I can't.


I got... Jimmy's coming over for lunch.

He said he's got to...

He's got to talk to me about something.

Look, he was my partner for years.

- I can't blow the guy off.
- Okay, fine.

But if he comes around
here sniffing about a job,

the answer is no.

All right. Look, the
guy was a good cop.

We'd be lucky to have him.

I love Jimmy,

but he is a bad influence on you.

Come on. He comes up with
all those crazy ideas,

and you just go along with them.

You have no idea what
you're talking about.

Well, what am I supposed to
do about the filing cabinet?

Lift with your legs.

♪ I am not your ordinary guy ♪


- You ate already?
- I had to start.

Listen, I know you
wanted to talk to me,

and I wanted to be able to focus, so...

- What's goin' on?
- I got something I got to say to you.

I've been thinking about
it for a couple of weeks.

It's a question...

There's no wrong answer...

What is the thing you regret most

not doing in your life?

I don't know. I mean...

I guess not spending
enough time with my family

when I was on the force?


Not living out our dream.

Oh, is this about the
fudge helmet thing?

I was just talking to
Vanessa about that.

The fudge helmet was a good idea!

It was the best!

No, I'm talking about getting
the band back together.


Oh, come on, that was a long time ago.

I spoke to our manager.

We have a... We have a manager?

Not yet.

I met a dude in the city.

Big in the music industry.

I told him about our band.

He said, and I quote,

“Let me know...

when you have a show.”

Ah, that sounds pretty cool.

But, I mean, come on,
aren't we a little too old?

Is Mick Jagger too old?


But they're still rockin' it.


They're still selling out stadiums.

Man, I don't know.

Think about it.

We're up on stage,

, people chanting our names.

, ? How big is this stadium?

It's a big one. It's in
Brazil or something.

It would be incredible.

It will get you out of the house.

I'm... I'm out of the house now.

But you're doing cop work again.

The same stuff you did for years.

Just think about it.

I mean, the other guys are
in... what do you say?

I don't know.

I just...


I got the filing cabinet
halfway up the stairs.

You can get the rest, tubby.

I'm in.

Look, Jimmy. Look, I
said I would get us

a place to play, I'll do it, all right?

I got to go. They're here.


- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Dad.

Hey, Mr. Gable.


Listen, um...

You know how you guys
have been doing karaoke

at Enzo's on Saturdays?

Yes. It's a big success.

It sucks.

No, it... it's doing amazing.

And Kyle's a great host.

It sucks, he sucks. Gloves are off,

- we've arrived at that place now.
- What place?

The place of Enzo's
not sucking anymore.

And you know why? 'Cause you're
gonna have a live band there.

Our band.

You have a band?


You know about the band. It's my dream.

I thought your dream was to
open a drive-thru restaurant

that sells shepherd's pie in a cup.

That was my other dream.

No. Now I'm all about the band.

Smoked fish?

No, Smokefish.

That's the name of the band.

Sorry, are you saying smoked fish?

- Like lox?
- No.


Smoke. Fish.

No, you're breaking it up.
It's not breaking it.

Don't separate it. It's Smokefish.

It's one word. It's
like a guy's last name.

Like... Like Derek Smokefish.

Oh, and that's someone
that's in the band?

- No. No.
- Oh.

Well, then why would you
name the band Smoked Fish?

You're throwing the “D” in!

There's no “D” in it.

Stop throwing the “D” in.

Look, the point is,
you're family, so...

Uh, you know what it is?
Smokefish will play

Saturday night for five grand.

- That's all.

We don't have five grand.

Four grand is fine.

We'll do it for four grand.

We don't have any grands.

All right, pay us in
pizza, pizza is fine.

How many mouths are we talking?


It does not matter.

The point is, we're
bringing something fresh

and new to your establishment.

You're welcome.

We respectfully decline.

And I'm gonna respectfully remind you

that I loaned you the grand

so you could buy the joint, okay?

So Smokefish will be
there Saturday night.

We good?

Well, no, because even if...

Smokefish! Saturday!

Four pizzas!


I mean, we get one sh*t
with this manager.

I don't want to blow it.

I say we open up with “Double Gator.”

Oh, that's a good call.
Right, right, uh....

♪ Double gator, double the fun ♪

- ♪ We'll catch ya later ♪
- ♪ We're on the... ♪

BOTH: ♪ Run ♪

♪ Gator walk, gator walk,
gator walk, gator walk ♪

I like that. Yes.

Guys, what about “Midnight Frenzy”?


♪ Midnight frenzy ♪

♪ Hospital straws are bendy ♪

I don't like it. It
just feels a little...

Feels a little too “Check
me out,” you know, right?

Stop trying to reinvent
the wheel, Ronnie.


We got one sh*t at this thing.

Let's make it a good one.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

D-Con in the house!

KEVIN: D-Con in the house!

- Whoo!
- Oh, man. You look great.

It's been years since
somebody's called me that.

Feels good, right?

- Not really.
- Okay.

Everybody at the office
calls me Dennis.

All right. Well, we'll give you
a couple minutes to get set up.


Aaand... bam!

Set up.

Now, check out this new b*at.


Yeah, marinate on that.


Get some.


And it don't stop.


Ya feel it.


- Wow.
- Mm.

- Yeah.
- Mm.

- Go.
- Mm.

Come on. That is ridiculous!

How did you come up
with that sick b*at?

It came with the machine.

I just pressed “ ”"

- Still, it's dope. Yeah.
- It's dope.

How'd you guys feel about
maybe a little piano solo?


Let's get back to work, guys, come on.

Hey, guys, I hate to
interrupt the magic,

but I was gonna make some fliers.

So what kind of music do you play?

She's making fliers!

'Cause it's real.

- That's why. This is real.

It's happening.

Yeah, colored paper, exciting.

So, the genre?

Uh... Oh. Ooh.

You know, I mean, I guess we're kind of

like a bluesy kind of...

- Folksy...
- Yeah. Yeah.

With a little bit of techno.

Yes! Yes. I like that.

You know what it is with Smokefish?

You can't put a thumb on us.

[ROCK] ♪ And that's when I knew ♪

♪ Lookin' at you, it was over ♪


♪ Over ♪

♪ And that's when I knew,
lookin' at you, it was over ♪

♪ Over ♪

MAN: I wish this show was over!

We got to change things up, boys.

This ain't workin'. It's not workin'!

Come on, guys, get it together!

[COUNTRY] ♪ When I kissed
you I saw you yawn ♪

♪ You left tire marks on my lawn ♪

BOTH: ♪ I knew it was over ♪

♪ Back your truck up ♪

♪ When I kissed you I saw you yawn ♪

♪ You left tire marks on my lawn ♪

♪ I knew it was over ♪

♪ Back your truck up, girl ♪

♪ Yeah, it's over ♪

[POWER BALLAD] ♪ I know it's over ♪

♪ Over ♪

♪ But your heart still
rains upon my face ♪

♪ I know it's over ♪

♪ Over ♪

♪ But your heart still
rains upon my faaace ♪

♪ It's over ♪

♪ Over ♪

♪ But your heart still
rains upon my face ♪


- _
- Yeah.

[BOY BAND] ♪ It was over, girl ♪

♪ It was over, girl ♪

♪ You picked me like
a four-leaf clover ♪

♪ It was over ♪


[RAPPING] ♪ My name is Kevin
Gable, ping-pong table ♪

♪ I don't need HBO,
but I do have cable ♪

O-to-the-V-to-the-E-to-the-R, it was ♪


♪ Over ♪

♪ Over ♪

Just put down “live music.”

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Really? You were supposed to
be at work a half-hour ago.

I'm doing band stuff.

Can you get over here, please?

You have a job, and I need you there.

Look, I'm having fun for
one second, all right?

Look, we got a real manager
coming to check us out,

all right? Can you
please not ruin this?

You ruin everything.

Okay. This is really
important to you, huh?


All right, fine.

Just don't be late to work again, okay?

I won't.

Okay. All right, go.

It's all good. It's good,
it's good, it's good.


You're really letting
them play here, huh?

[SCOFFS] Here's something
I learned the hard way...


There's no reasoning with Smokefish.


That's... That's the name of the band?

You don't think there are
two of them, do you?

Oh, please, no.


All right!

We are Smokefish and
we'll be right back

after the short break to rock...



World! Yeah!

It's almost : . Joey
should be here any minute.

I know, I know.

He said he had to talk
to me about something.

You know he's gonna propose.

You think so?

I hope so.

Of course he is.

Vanessa, he's not gonna
find a girl like you.

- You're incredibly sweet...
- Aww.

- Super positive...

calm, uplifting, always smiling,

and you never, ever say a
bad word about anybody.


You are so sweet.

- See?

Let's go freshen up.

He's gonna be here any minute, okay?

Let me get a brew. Let me get a brew.


- You all right, man?
- Fine.

- Uh... heh.
- Yeah.

Getting ready to propose
to my girlfriend tonight.

I'm a little nervous.

Oh, so how long you
guys been going out?

- Eight months.
- Ohh.

What? You think I shouldn't?

I don't want to tell you
what to do, but no.

Really? So you're not married?

Oh, no, I am.

To a little lady called Rock 'n' Roll.

And her super hot sister named Fame.

That's just me, you know?

Anyway, good luck, kid.

But seriously, don't do it.

Hey, Joey.

Hey, I like that shirt.

- It's good to see you.


What's the matter?

I was just hanging out

with the lead singer of
Smokefish, and, uh...

we need to talk.

Later on, you and me,

we're gonna have a little talk.



By the way, do we get
paid before the gig

or after the gig?

Technically we're not
getting paid for this gig.

But if the manager likes us,

and if the manager signs us,

then we start getting paid big time.


I didn't sign up for “if.” Okay?

I didn't text my boss

“If the band gets back together,

kiss my ass.”

I texted my boss, “The
band's back together,

kiss my ass.”

You know what? I'm out of here.

What? Come on, you can't do this.

- D-Con.
- D-Con, don't do this.

Come on, D-Con.

It's Dennis!


Come on. We'll figure this out.

We'll figure what out? This whole
thing is just messed up now.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Don't you
go quitting on me, too.

[SIGHS] What do you want?

I mean, look, Vanessa's mad at me,

I'm missing work,

we don't even know if this
manager guy's gonna show up.

And on top of that, now we
just lost our sick b*at.

I got beats.


It's not the same.


- Yo.
- Hey.

I spoke to D-Con.

He's back in.

All we need is you.


I-I don't... I don't think so, man.

So we put all that work
in, all those hours,

and you're just gonna quit on us?

We started back up yesterday.


I guess I'm just trying
to hold on to the dream.

I think so. I mean...

I'm telling you, it's not your fault.

It's just...

some things, they're just
not meant to be, you know?

I guess not.

I better get used to retirement.

- Yeah.
- You know?

- It's not bad.
- Fine.

How 'bout you get us a couple of beers?

That I will do.

All right.

[SIGHS] Oh, by the way,

you know, if you ever want
to work at Monkey Fist,

I could talk to Vanessa.

You know, she says she
hates you, but...

I got to tell you, she
says that about everybody,

so I wouldn't even worry about that.

I'll convince her. It'll be fine.


First song we wrote together.



Your mom's garage. .

Don't you do it.

Don't you play “First Pancake.”


♪ Batter up, get the grill on high ♪

Stop it.

♪ The two of us givin' love a try ♪

Knock it off.


♪ Flip me over, burn the other side ♪

Put. The guitar. Down.

♪ You were fluffy and
puffy and golden brown ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't want a
bagel, I don't want toast ♪

♪ You're the breakfast
item I enjoy the most ♪

♪ Do me a favor, for goodness sake ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't like waffles
and I don't like crêpes ♪

- ♪ Would you be my ♪
- ♪ My ♪

- ♪ My, my ♪
- ♪ My, my ♪

BOTH: ♪ First pancake ♪

I'm back in.

Yeah, you are.

Wow. The place is packed, huh?

Yeah, Chale really got the word out.


The key was creative marketing.

You took their ages off
the fliers, didn't you?

And their photos.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

And I offered a
two-for-one drink special

- and free appetizers.
- Yeah.

And all-you-can eat wings if
you come back next Wednesday.

And free parking. And, uh...

Prayer circle, fellas.

- What do you say?
- Bring it in.

- Kev, why don't you kick us off?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll
take it from here.

Okay, listen. I don't know
what's gonna happen tonight,

all right? But I do know this...

If I fall, one of my brothers
is gonna pick me up.

- Amen.
- Listen. I'm talking.

Tonight we play as a unit, all right?

There is no star, okay?

I mean, I am the lead
singer, and technically

they're mostly the stars of the thing.

Just being honest.

But it doesn't matter tonight, okay?

I'm happy to be here with you guys.

And, D-Con, I'm glad you're back.

Me too.

I'm unemployed now,
so this better work.


I'm gonna get serious on you guys.

Uh, and I mean this...

There's no place on this
planet I would rather be

than on that stage with you three guys.

I couldn't agree more.

I wish you would stop talking.

So remember this, fellas...

When there is f*re, there is...

TOGETHER: Smokefish!

- All right!
- Let's rock 'n' roll!

- Whoa-ho!
- All right!

- Let's do it!
- Rock 'n' roll!

- Rock and roll!
- Whoo!

Okay, they're starting up.

Fill me up, please.

Uh-oh, someone's getting
an early start.

Sweetheart, I started drinking

in the Uber on the way over here.

Trust me, it'll all make sense

once they start playing their “music.”

Nice. Guys, don't make it obvious,

but the manager is sitting
right over there.

Let's give him a show.

All right.

Ready to do this? [CLEARS THROAT]


We are Smokefish, and we are here to...


- Your.
- World.


♪ Double gator, double the fun ♪

TOGETHER: ♪ Hard pretzel,
we left you out too long ♪

♪ You're breakin' my heart in three ♪

♪ You did it! ♪

♪ You did it! ♪

♪ To me ♪


This is the last one.
We want to thank...

♪ You're pickin' up the pieces ♪


♪ Girl ♪






Thank you! Good night.

You wrecked my life!

[WHISPERING] That was awesome.
I knew it.

Hey, guys. Lance Grafton...

- Hey.
- Amp Management.

I really dug your set.

You know, a lot of people
would say you guys are like

a fading rock band with
an antiquated sound.

Thank you very much.

Do me a favor, sing
“Hard Pretzels” again.

Guys, “Hard Pretzels” from the top.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Actually.

Just him, please.

Uh, what do you... what
do you want me to do?

No, you're good.

♪ Hard Pretzels, let you out too long ♪

♪ If it takes forever, keep
you toasty, safe, and warm ♪

I don't know if, uh...

- Now I see the problem.
- Me too.

He's really pushing the
gas pedal on that one.

That was...

You, let's talk.



Wow. That stings.

No, no, no. Maybe he's gonna
work out a deal for all of us.

You think so?

Yeah, that's what he's probably doing.

Yeah, I should just go out to the car

and open up my trunk and make some room

for all that extra cash
we're about to get.

Or I could just go back to Brooklyn

and never see you guys again.

Come on, D-Con.

Man, we crushed it tonight, right?

- D-Con.
- D-Con.

It's Dennis!

- Hey.
- How you holding up?

How do I look?

Not great. Not great.

Listen, I'm really...

Really sorry about last night.

Oh, yeah.

You guys were horrendous,
but I've heard worse.

I'm not talking about the band.

Smokefish isn't gonna be playing
stadiums, but you know what?

We're still gonna have fun on weekends.

We're gonna do it. We're
gonna have a good time.

I'm talking about that
thing Chale told me about,

apparently back in the
day I guess I messed up

a big relationship for you.

Oh, yeah, that. That's all right.

I looked him up on Facebook.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- A winner, huh?

- Actually, he is.

Yeah. Crushin' it.

Nice family, house in Connecticut,

CEO of a major company.

He's doing great.


But you know what? I am good.

I am exactly where I'm
supposed to be, right?

We have our business together.
What else could I want?

I am gonna bloom where
my roots are planted.

Well, I got to say, that is
a very healthy attitude.

Yeah. Honestly, if you think about it,

I think everything does
happen for a reason...


What the heck was that for?!

You ruined my life!

This guy's everything I've ever wanted.

You should see the house.
It's beautiful.

He's rich, he drives a sports car,

he's and he has abs of steel.

He's perfect.

Want to grab lunch?

- Yeah, I can eat.
- All right.
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