04x09 - Sun and Heir

[bunniefuu]

CRASHING

Argh!

Arrrrrgh!

CREAKING

HE SIGHS

WHISTLING

Ah.

Yo, Bertie. Slumming it with the rest of us?

I'm conducting a sweep for insurgents.

Anyone intending to harm Vlad must get past me first.

Are you checking under his bed for monsters as well?

You into antiques now?

Smoke is the enemy of the shapeshifter.

Reveals their true form.

But then you already knew that.

I'll take your word for it.

I'm telling you, he thinks I'm the shapeshifter.

Bertrand's on to us!

Then we will have to neutralise him.

But if you had k*lled Vlad when you had the chance,

the Count would have accepted you as his heir.

- I'm sorry.
- You sound like that feeble brother of yours.

- I'm nothing like him.
- Prove it.

Make the Count see what he's been missing in a son all these years.

He barely notices I'm there half the time.

Nothing like a near-death experience to sharpen the senses.

What are you going to do?

LAUGHS

Leave Bertrand to me!

RINGING

Why would anyone want to steal lead from the roof?

Sign of the times, I suppose.

Probably already been sold to scrap merchants.

Perhaps Vlad's students might be able to shed some light?

Well, I sincerely hope you're not accusing his charges...

Of course not.

The work you do with them is nothing short of amazing,

but then, old habits die hard..

I'll take your word for it.

What's this?

A purchase order for the repairs.

We'll need to start work as soon as possible.

Leave it with me.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

HE WHISTLES

Look, there's something I've got to tell you about Erin.

She's bit a breather.

Erin bit a breather?

Yeah. We've got witnesses.

- No-one can find out about this.
- What are you suggesting? A cover-up?

We both know she's doing this to get back at me.

The coexistence deal hangs by a thread. All we've strived for.

Do you want me to talk to her?

She's one of us now. I'll talk to her.

What if she won't listen?

She has no choice.

Oh! Whatever it is, I don't have the time.

Then make time.

Those little weasels have been running amuck for far too long.

I can't right now. I've got things to do.

Like what? Teach your little groupies peace and love?

Just get off my case!

Jonno!

Malik's as cool as a cadaver, I'll give him that.

It doesn't give you the right to look through his things.

Something will prove his connection with the shapeshifter.

Like the last time you had proof before it miraculously disappeared?

Why do you think you're here?

If I do find something, I'll have you as a witness.

I so don't care about your conspiracy theories.

Even if it leads me to Ryan's k*ller?

What have you found?

I don't know yet.

"My darling Malik Hellfire Vaccaria. Love, Mum."

GROANING

Could you excuse us for a minute?

Whatever you need to say, you can say it in front of Bertrand.

What are you playing at? Biting a breather.

You're hardly in a position to take the moral high ground with me.

The coexistence deal will be adhered to.

No-one, including you - especially you - is exempt.

Or what? You'll ash me?

This is your first and last warning.

So masterful. I'm quaking.

There's holes in this one, too.

And this one.

We'll have breathers crawling all over the roof at this rate.

Right, Renfield. You'll have to carry out the repairs.

But, Master, my vertigo. I get dizzy standing on a chair.

Then it's time to overcome your fears and make yourself useful.

But what if I fall off the roof?

One lives in hope.

What are you waiting for? Buckle up.

Blood and garlic. They've really had a go at this one.

Ah.

Buckle up!

Dad, your coat's covered in...

Get back! And I do wish you'd stop calling me that!

- Sorry!
- Careful.

Unless you want to be barbecued. On second thoughts...

Move.

Right.

What is all this stuff, anyway?

Usual junk. Furniture. Heirlooms.

Priceless Carpathian artworks.

A bicycle?

Ah.

Your mother's get-fit phase.

Right, well, I'm not wasting my time up here.

And I'm not standing anywhere near Renfield

with a hammer in his hand.

It won't budge...

Give it some wellie.

All yours.

Hm. Elizabeta.

What's that?

Hmm? Oh, this old thing?

Painted for our blood union.

It looks nothing like Mum.

The artist was very cheap. Very cheap indeed.

You're right. It's stuck.

Right. Then we'll just have to go old school.

Ah.

Argh!

Haven't you mastered walking through walls yet?

It's been lined with lead.

I haven't seen this since one of the Van Helsings

tried to incarcerate me in a lead-lined coffin.

Even our powers of telepathy won't penetrate through that lot.

There is one thing we haven't tried.

What?

BANGS ON DOOR

Help!

- Help!
- Help!

Help!

Help!

Hello?

Shush, shush!

Renfield, is that you?

Come again?

It's me! Your lord and master! We're trapped.

You need to let us out of here.

You're needing lettuce and a beer?

No, no, no. You must find a key.

You're feeling achey?

A key! Simpleton.

A KEY!

I'm not surprised?! Beer and lettuce, I think sleep it off.

No, Ren... Oh!

Vacarria...

Vacarria...

Elizabeta Vacarria.

- Look. See for yourself.
- What?

There. Elizabeta Vaccaria, she's Malik's mother - she's still alive!

Her birth is written, but there's no date of death. Malik's lying.

All vampires lie.

And we lie for gain. Have you asked yourself what he's after?

You've got a class to teach.

And remember, no biting!

What was that about?

Vlad can't see what's right in front of his face.

Malik?

According to him, his mother was ashed during the uprisings of .

But she wasn't there.

How do you know?

She was studying in Kerala. On the other side of the world.

A pupil of Daralum.

Who's Daralum?

The only vampire to teach the dark arts of shapeshifting.

Mrs Van Helsing. Thank you for seeing me.

We don't get many house calls from your kind.

So now you know how grave the situation has become.

You're the mind-reader, not me.

Vlad's no leader. He dithers. He's losing all respect.

What he needs is direction.

What he needs comes in nine inches of sustainable oak.

If we don't intervene, then the coexistence deal will collapse.

We? Slayers and vampires?

Your son is prepared to give up his life so we can live in harmony.

He'll never forgive you.

Do you seriously expect me to sit down with Adze?

Would you rather she had sole influence over Vlad?

No.

Then take the meeting with him. For all our sakes.

If you won't do it for me, then do it for Jonno.

Do you think I was born yesterday? It's a trap.

So bring some insurance.

What time?

Half .

I'll be there.

It's Vlad. He's not coping.

The responsibility, it's too much.

LAUGHTER

My cold, dead heart bleeds.

I appreciate you're hurt...

I never loved Vlad.

I was only ever interested in the power that he could give me.

Why do you think I'm here?

Good question. You disapproved of my union with Vlad.

What's changed?

I realise... I was wrong.

SHE LAUGHS

A vampire showing humility?

Now I've seen it all.

I was naive to believe in Vlad's coexistence deal.

As if vampires and breathers can live in harmony.

Speaking of which. How's Erin?

Dead.

Food for worms.

Vlad didn't save her?

I was sure he would.

He has still not yet bitten. And once he does...

Whoever receives it will receive his power.

Vlad's first bite is yours for the taking.

Vlad wouldn't go anywhere near me.

There's way too much baggage between us.

Take the meeting with Vlad. He'll change his mind.

I'll make sure of it.

I'm starting to like you.

This is obviously a slayer trap.

It's an inside job, if you ask me.

It was Malik that lured us here in the first place.

You think I want to spend my time

- flicking through Dad's holiday etchings with you?
- Enough!

We have a problem.

A very big, planet-shaped problem.

What is it?

The sun rises in the east and sets in the west.

This roof is south facing.

- Meaning?
- We'll be directly under its path at midday.

We'll be barbecued to a cinder!

What time is it now?

o'clock.

Argh!

- Help!
- Help!

SHOUTING CONTINUES

BANGING

Look, it's no good. They can't hear us.

Well, we can't just give up. What are you doing?

I'm not letting my family cook without a fight!

We can use this as a curtain.

Curtain?! That... That is my ascension gown.

So?

The firstborn wears it to celebrate the passing of the father

to become head of the family.

Look's like Vlady's going to need it sooner than I thought.

This is far too big for Vlad. And you, for that matter.

It wasn't meant f...

..for me.

What's she doing here?

You said she knew!

You would never have come if you knew a slayer was attending.

This was obviously a wasted journey.

Don't go.

Adze's a little...emotional. She's had much to contend with.

Explain.

Ramanga was defanged by Malik and the Count.

- What are you two whispering about?
- Sorry to hear about your father.

- Couldn't have happened to a nicer vampire.
- How is Jonno these days?

He's good-looking for a breather. Very tasty.

You keep your fangs out of my son!

Please. Remember why we are here.

So where is he?

I shall tell Vlad you've arrived.

Artur was everything I wasn't. Charming. Erudite.

A born leader.

You forgot handsome.

I wouldn't go that far.

Well, where is he now?

He passed to the other side.

The night of his ascension to the Dracula title.

How?

He, er...fell from the battlements.

You're lying.

Look, what does it matter? The end result is still the same.

You had something to do with it.

That is a slanderous lie.

It hardly matters now, does it?

The whole tragic episode was a dreadful accident.

Adze and Mina. They're here.

Together?

Rumours are rife.

What rumours?

That you're no longer in control.

You barge into my home, make demands, undermine my authority!

I should dust you for your insolence.

Wake up and smell the garlic. You need us.

Me, anyway.

I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions.

- That's not what Bertrand said.
- What?

According to him, you're only just hanging in there by your fingertips.

Are you still here?

Get used to it, princess. This is a three-way deal.

If you want to ensure the success of this coexistence deal,

you need me on board.

There is no coexistence deal.

What?

Didn't Bertrand tell you? All bets are off.

So why did he invite me?

Lunch.

Self-defence.

The coexistence deal expressly forbids slayers

bearing arms in the presence of vampires!

I merely did as Bertrand advised.

Astral what?

Projection. An out-of-body experience.

The ability to travel the world at the blink of an eye.

So Malik's mum could literally be anywhere in the world.

Well...

This might narrow it down a bit.

What's a locket got to do with anything?

EV.

Hm.

Who do you think this belonged to?

Malik's mother. So?

Vampires give off vibrations. Infinitessimal, like sound waves.

They're absorbed by the real world. Walls, objects.

It's just a question of tuning in.

Like a sniffer dog?

Hm. You're not as dumb as you look.

So what happened that night?

All right.

The party was in full swing.

Tipsy I may have been, but I certainly wasn't drunk!

Said I was embarrassing myself! Killjoy.

I mean, everyone loves the gavotte!

- Artur wasn't happy, I take it?
- No, he wasn't.

Argh!

He confiscated my goblet. So I decided to dine out.

He was waiting for me on the battlements on my return.

There was a scuffle. He lost his footing.

But the fall itself wouldn't have k*lled him.

I didn't wait to find out.

Returned to find Elizabeta grieving over his ashes.

Apparently, he'd impaled himself on the fence.

A wooden post staked right through his heart.

That's one way of assuming the title.

And his wife.

Now...my betrothed.

You had to bind blood with her?

- It's vampiric law. The next in line has to marry the widow.
- Right.

BELL RINGS

Did you love her, Artur's wife?

No.

But it was my duty to marry her.

Then why didn't you?

Because there was only ever one vampiress for me.

Your mother was bewitching.

What can I say? Love is the sweetest poison.

I've never, never told a soul.

Except for me.

I didn't realise I was responsible for Elizabeta being pregnant.

That I would have a son.

You made my mother an outcast! You drove her mad!

- She had a head start, believe you me.
- Huh!

Do you know how hard it was for her bringing me up on her own?

All I ever wanted was a family.

Join the club.

Don't you think you're becoming a bit obsessed?

Vlad is the leader of our people.

I would lay down my life for him.

I thought vampires didn't care for anything but themselves?

We both know that's not true.

So, what do you do now?

Read the instructions.

Oh, you've never done this before? Great, great!

Just hold the book so I can see.

Veho mihi ut polus..

Veho mihi ut polus.

Veho mihi ut polus.

Oh! How was your meeting?

You betrayed me!

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't dust you right now.

Oh! On a beautiful day like this?

I hope the Count and Ingrid packed their sun cream.

What are you talking about?

I'd check the attic if I was you.

There's nowhere to hide with those holes in the roof.

You're lying.

Tick tock.

We must face our destiny with dignity.

It is the Dracula way.

I am so sorry.

Goodbye, my son.

Oh, Master, Master, Master!

Veho mihi ut polus.

How many more times?

Where is that?

Wait a minute, that's...here.

Elizabeta could be anywhere in the world

and you can't make it past the front door.

Did you see that?

What?

I thought...

It ripples.

Come on. Come on.

This is useless.

The Count felt sorry for Artur? I've heard it all now.

You locked us in? My own mother? Don't you care that I nearly fried?

Please don't go all sentimental on me. Besides, my plan worked.

The Count accepts you as his son.

I know, but...

Now for phase two. The Count can recognise you officially.

And we can dispose of Vlad once and for all.

You do realise Dad's going to start asking questions

about who locked us in.

So frame someone. There's always collateral damage.

- Just ask Bertrand.
- Why? What's happened?

What have you done to him?

Where is he?

- Who?
- That traitor, Bertrand!

What? No way! He's on your side.

Oh, I get it.

The cosy little chats. You're in league with him too.

Vlad! I've got it! I've got the proof!

What? You're out of your mind.

Do you really despise me that much?

- No....no, of course not...
- Just get back to your room.

'I will dust him!'

You can't k*ll him!

You heard that? You can read my mind?

Vlad! I've been looking for you everywhere! I know. I know who...

Vlad, no!

What have you done?

Spread the word.

No more Mr Nice Guy.