04x20 - A Cricket And A Hedge Made Of Gold

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Mom". Aired: September 2013 to present.*
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"Mom" follows the life of a single mother who, after dealing with her battle with alcoholism and drug abuse, decides to restart her life in Napa Valley, California, working as a waitress and attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
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04x20 - A Cricket And A Hedge Made Of Gold

Post by bunniefuu »

So I've only been a foster
mom for a few weeks now,

but it's true what they say:

once you have a child,
it stops being about you,

and it's all about them.

Did you ever get that feeling, Mommy?

There's just this one
little thing she does

that bothers the bejesus out of me.

I get that one all the time.

JILL: I've been following her

on Instagram under the
pseudonym "Ruby Peppers ."

She's constantly posting selfies
with me in the background.

The other day, I had a mud mask on

and I was eating a banana.

The next thing I know, I'm
something called a meme.

Anyway, I'm really
grateful for these meetings

so I have somewhere
to come and complain...

I mean, share. Thank you.

BRUCE: Would anyone else like to share?

- I need to.
- Wow.

Ruby's really going
to town on that banana.

That's years of practice.

- Marjorie, alcoholic.
- ALL: Hi, Marjorie.

I apologize for being late.

(inhales deeply)

I don't even know where to start.

I'm just so upset.

My sponsor relapsed.

years she was sober.

This beautiful woman...
who saved my life,

been my rock ever since the
day I walked into these rooms.

That she could just
give up and... (cries)

(crying): I'm sorry.

Oh, my God.

It's just awful.

Really?

What I'm hearing is after
years of sobriety,

we get to drink again.

Something terrible must have happened

for her to start drinking again.

She getting divorced?

Did someone die?

Her neighbor cut down her hedge.

Sorry, what?

There was a shared
hedge between the houses,

neighbor cut it down,
she got loaded that night.

Help me out here. Was
the hedge made of gold?

Everything I've done to stay sober,

I learned from her.

Then, in a second, she
just threw it all away.

I mean, are we talking
one of those hedges

shaped like an elephant or something?

I didn't see the damn hedge, Bonnie.

And that's called a topiary.

I always thought when I had a
couple of decades under my belt,

I wouldn't even think
about drinking anymore.

Good Lord, I have a lot of hedges.

MARJORIE: Ladies.

It obviously wasn't about the hedge.

Yeah, guys. Come on, pay attention.

You know what?

I need to take a break from all this.

Maybe you guys can find
someone else to talk to.

- Excuse me.
- Really?

- What are you saying?
- Oh, come on, Marjorie.

Who am I supposed to call?

(sighs)

What am I supposed to do? I
check in with her every day.

Me, too. I run everything by her.

(sighs)

Okay. I know where this is headed,

and yes, you can all come
to me with your problems.

Oh, God. We're all gonna die.

♪ ♪

(cricket chirps)

(chirping continues)

(groans): Oh, stop taunting me!

Look, Wendy, it's not
your coworker's job

to be your friend.

Calm down, take a deep breath in...

- What are you doing?
- Oh...

we've got a cricket in the
house, it's driving me crazy.

I told you, we need screens.

You're the building manager, put 'em in.

You know the procedure.

You need to submit a written request.

Ooh. And exhale.

Okay. Call me back when
you stop feeling dizzy.

Wendy actually called you for guidance?

I'll have you know, I have
been putting out fires all day.

Jill, boom. Mary, boom. Wendy, boom.

The boom is the problem being solved.

You sure it's not the sound
of their lives blowing up?

(cricket chirps)

In the meantime,

I'm really worried about Marjorie.

I've never seen her this upset.

She'll be fine.

And if she's not, she can call me, boom.

- You want to help me find this thing?
- Sorry. I'm Team Cricket.

(ringtone plays)

Hey, Jill.

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Okay, stop talking.

Let me tell you what I used to do
when Christy was a teenager.

Wave at me through Plexiglas?

- (cricket chirps)
- Where are you, you bastard?

Make it fast, Wendy, I'm working.

All the nurses in my unit
are going out to lunch

and they didn't invite me.

(scoffs) Did you consider that maybe

they want to say nice things
about you behind your back?

Really? That's the best you got?

I could tell you the truth,

but you're too weak and
neurotic to handle it.

- (phone chimes)
- Got to go, Jill's on the other line.

Hey, Money.

Bonnie, I am in crisis.

How can you be in crisis?
We talked minutes ago.

Emily just left for school
and she was wearing a necktie.

Please do not tell me
you're worried she's gay.

No! I'm just worried she's got no style
and that reflects on me.

Jill, have you seen the
way my daughter dresses?

Yes, and I judge you for it.

(phone chimes)

Sorry, got to go.
Crybaby's back for more.

What?

I just found out the
lunch is a birthday party.

They didn't even ask
me to sign the card.

All right. You got to
stop focusing on yourself.

Get out of your head. Help someone else.

Who can I help?

You're in an emergency room!

Follow a trail of blood.

Uh...

CHRISTY: I got it! I got it, I got it!

- What?
- The cricket. Open the door.

Just k*ll it.

No, that's bad karma.

I'm releasing it back into the wild.

Be free, little...

Where'd it go?! I had it!

(cricket chirps in house)

How'd he do that?!

- Hi.
- Ugh.

Back at ya.

We just came by to see
how Marjorie's doing.

She's still sad. Good-bye.

We blew bucks on the plant.

We want to see the body, old man.

Thank you, good-bye.

"Let's not call, let's just show up."

Who was that?

Florist.

I bought you plant.

Oh...

Mary, I know it looks like I'm checking
my e-mail, but I'm listening, go ahead.

Okay. My sister...

Well, I call her my sister,
but she's actually my mom.

All right, now I'm really listening.

It's weird being here without Marjorie.

I was really hoping she'd come tonight.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm not sure Bonnie
knows what she's doing.

Oh, hear me and hear me well,

she does not.

Oh, hello, cute, dark and sober.

Oh, God.

What's the matter?

You know that guy?

A long time ago.

So what? He's an old boyfriend?

He's definitely not an old boyfriend.

I-I got to go.

(knocking on door)

(knocking continues)

JILL: We're not leaving
here till you talk to us.

Oh, hell.

(knocking on door)

JILL: I'll stay here all
night, I don't have any plans.

And we all know Wendy doesn't.

WENDY: Hey.

Thank you.

- What's going on?
- Yeah. Who was that guy?

(sighs)

Back when I was drinking,
I was at this party,

and... that guy showed
up with some coke.

We went into a bedroom
to do a few lines.

Next thing I know, he was on top of me,

and... I was too messed
up to fight him off.

That son of a bitch.

We know where he is.

We should call the police.

It was years ago.

There's nothing they can do.

What did they do back then?

I didn't report it.

It would have been
his word against mine.

Who's gonna believe a drunk stripper?

- (scoffs)
- Thank you very much for ditching me.

Way to treat the woman
who's been listening

to your stupid problems all week.

What?

Viceroy Lights was at the meeting.

Are you kidding me?

Viceroy Lights?

I never knew his name.
That's what he smoked.

He's at the meeting now?
Tell me what he looks like.

I'll go rip his throat out.

No. I just want to forget about it.

You guys know who he is?

Sit down!

(sighs)

I could just go back there and
punch every guy in that room.

I'm sure they've all done
something to deserve it.

Just drop it.

I wish Marjorie was here.
She'd know what to do.

Thank you, Wendy. That's very hurtful.

- Well, then, do you know what to do?
- There's nothing to do.

(sighs)

(cricket chirps)

Honey, I think you got a cricket.

- You doing all right?
- Yeah.

- If you want to talk, I'm here.
- Don't need to.

Okay.

Are you sure? I think you
need to talk about it.

Mom, it was a long time ago. I'm fine.

Yeah, but I wasn't there
for you a long time ago.

- Let me be here for you now.
- (sighs)

You're here. You're extremely here.

- Let's go to sleep.
- Going to sleep.

What about Marjorie?
Would you talk to her?

She asked not to be
bothered, and unlike you,

when someone tells
me not to bother them,

I actually listen.

No, you don't, but that's all right.

What about a therapist?

That's not a bad idea.

You should definitely see one.

(sniffs)

Ah, you little minx.
You're collecting twos.


(ringtone plays)

- Mm, hang on, it's Christy.
- Ugh.

Hey, sweetie. What's up?

Nothing.

Just wanted to check
in, see how you're doing.

I'm okay. Are you okay?

Yeah, it's just...

Eh, the usual.

Hate my job, hate my
mom, my kids hate me...

You know, circle of life.

Are you sure that's all?

Yeah, I just miss you.

I miss you, too.

Did you like the plant we dropped off?

Yes, thank you. It's beautiful.

Okay. Well, bye.

Bye, sweetie.

Why are you giving me stink eye?

(cricket chirps)

Oh, you are so dead.

Mary, I'm confused.

Your sister is your mother,
and your brother's your uncle?

Oh, he's just your
brother. Okay, got it.

So, which one needs the kidney?

Oh, my God! I got to go.

What happened?

I can't find the cricket. (sniffles)

Don't. Don't touch me.

(sniffles)

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things...

- (knocks)
- (screams)

Bonnie!

(sighs) What the hell are you doing?

I didn't want to go through
your Armenian bodyguard.

What's wrong?

I need your help.
Christy is falling apart.

I don't know what to do. Come on.

Throw your leg over the
ledge, I'll help you out.

- I'm not going out the window.
- Yeah, you're right.

If you break a hip, you're no good
to me. I'll meet you at the car.

It doesn't matter how drunk you were.

What happened wasn't your fault.

But if I hadn't been drinking,
it wouldn't have happened.

- You don't know that.
- Yeah, you don't know that.

Is this what you meant by,
"I'll give you both some space"?

Carry on.

If my life hadn't been
such a train wreck,

I might have done something about it.

Honey, it's okay to
look back at the past.

Just don't stare too long.

Good one. I'm gonna use
that with my sponsees.

(Bonnie scoffs)

Kind of rude.

You know, instead of kicking yourself

for not taking action then,

be grateful that you're sober now

and you have a voice.

(sighs)

I really hate this disease.

Me, too.

BONNIE: Me, too.

That's right, I'm still here.

(sighs) I know you're
dealing with your own crap.

I'm sorry she dragged you over here.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Besides, I needed a break from Victor.

He means well, and I
love him, but sometimes

I feel like I'm living
with a James Bond villain.

(Bonnie laughs)

So, I was having a little family dinner,

and my sister-mother shows up...

with a rum cake.

So I said,

"You know I can't have that."

So she said, "Why should
the rest of us be penalized

just because you can't
control yourself?"

So I said, "Screw you."

And, well, things got physical.

I don't know how you
put up with these people.

This one was probably
calling me ten times a day.

Ten? After two,

I tell them to deal with it and hang up.

You can do that?

MARY: Anyway, long story short,

she took out a restraining order on me.

Imagine that.

Against her own sister-daughter.

Well, all right. Thanks
for letting me share.

It's nice to be in a room

where none of this seems
so weird. (chuckles)

BRUCE: Does anyone else want to share?

I'll go.

Hi, I'm Christy, and I'm an alcoholic.

ALL: Hi, Christy.

(sighs) I'm so nervous, I'm
gonna say that part again.

Hi, I'm Christy, I'm an alcoholic.

ALL: Hi, Christy.

years ago, I was sexually assaulted.

You know what?

Forget "sexually
assaulted." I was r*ped.

That's the first time
I've ever called it

what it really was.

Mugging victims aren't
ashamed they were robbed.

Why should I be ashamed I was r*ped?

(sighs)

What I am ashamed of is
that I kept it a secret.

This...

"guy" counted on me

being... too embarrassed

and afraid to come forward,

and you know what?

He was right.

And so, tonight, I
would like to make amends

to any woman that might have been hurt

because I was too
scared to say anything.

If my silence encouraged him to believe

that he could att*ck or
intimidate or even grab

another woman without consequences,

I am so, so sorry.

Maybe I can't change the past,

but from now on, I am...

going to speak out, shout out,

and shine a light down

that can be seen from
frickin' outer space,

if it'll keep something like this

from happening to anyone else.

(door closes)

Thank you.

BRUCE: Does anyone else want to share?

I'm gonna tell you the same thing

I tell my mom - I wouldn't
mind living with you

if you made a little less noise.

Yeah, like you're a drive
through wine country.

Okay, Jiminy.

Time to go
on our separate journeys.

Jump, my little friend.

Be free.

Jump.

Why isn't he jumping?

Maybe he got attached to me
and doesn't want to leave.

Huh. Or maybe you didn't
put any holes in the jar

and he's dead.

(scoffs)

You really are a source
of comfort and support.

And a cat just ate him.
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