01x13 - Star Struck/Disaster of My Dreams

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Milo Murphy's Law". Aired: October 3, 2016 to May 2019.*
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"Milo Murphy's Law" follows 13-year-old Milo Murphy, the fictional great-great-great-great grandson of the Murphy's Law namesake.
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01x13 - Star Struck/Disaster of My Dreams

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky ♪

♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly ♪

♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree ♪

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Never boring even for a minute ♪

♪ It's my world And we're all livin' in it ♪

[thud]

[Dakota] Yeah, that ought to do it.

-How far in time did we just travel? -[door opens]

Uh, ten minutes back and one block over.

That should buy us enough time to figure out how all of this happened and how we can stop it.

And maybe get something to eat.

What... We gotta keep up out strength, we might have to fight giant... Oh, no!

Oh, no, we have to warn ourselves.

[snarling]

-What are we going to do? -Wait.

-Here, use this peach. -Good idea.

[grunts]

[groans]

A peach?

Who the devil would throw a peach?

And who would throw one away?

Oh, no, quick, take cover.

Wait a moment, where did you get that peach?

Someone threw it at you earlier.

But that someone was me.

-I know. -But where did I get it?

-From me. -Yes, but where did you get it?

Someone threw it at you earlier.

But that someone was me.

-I know. -But where did I get it?

From me!

Yes, but where did you get it?

-Someone threw it at you earlier. -But that some...

[Sara] Melissa, why didn't you bring us to your house?

If there's a clue about Milo's whereabouts, it'll be in here.

[both gasping]

[both] Whoa!

Hey, do you do this for all of your friends?

-Where's mine? -[chuckles] Oh, Zack!

Melissa, why would you collect all of this stuff?

Yeah, some of this stuff is weirdly specific.

I started collecting this, thinking, maybe I could figure it out, you know.

Find a cure for Murphy's Law.

But then I realized, Milo wouldn't want that.

But for some reason, I kept collecting info, so at least, maybe, I could reign it in or explain it or monetize it.

Uh, whose tooth is this?

Here's the time we had to put all those robots in a shark cage.

Oh, and the time we had to go to that lumber yard to apologize.

Wait a minute.

Who are these guys?

-[Melissa] They look familiar. -[Zack] Oh, those guys?

I saw them up here, too. Right here. And here.

[Melissa] Don't they sell pistachios or something?

Weird! They're dressed like Dr. Zone and Time Ape in every picture.

-What does that mean? -It can't be a co-incidence.

Milo in the episode, these two in all these pictures.

There's a Dr. Zone connection.

With her, it's always a Dr. Zone connection.

I know, right?

The library's holographic data array should provide some information about this plant up rising.

World domination, world domination by Llamas...

So, how does this Murphy's Law thing work, anyway. What makes it happen?

I don't know, really. I'm just caught in its crosslink.

How about time travel? How does that work?

[chuckles] No idea. We literally just push a button.

Some guy name Professor Time invented it years ago, for you.

Years from now, I guess.

Wait, the guy who invented time travel was named Professor Time?

Yeah, so?

Oh, hey, that's a coincidence. What are the odds?

Yeah, he probably had it changed for branding purposes.

Whoo! I found something. Look at this.

Hello and welcome to the hollow key...

-Push any... -Shh!

Keep your voice down for goodness sake.

Give us the abridged version of the pistachio plant's "Conquest of the World."

Uh, quietly.

Okay! Sheesh!

It all started with a small pistachio plant in a middle school courtyard.

[Milo] Hey, that's my school.

As the plant grew, it gained intelligence and sentience and eventually uprooted itself and became King Pistashion.

Hey, that's the guy we saw out there.

And he started in the courtyard of my middle school.

What are the odds?

You're right, even money.

The King Pistashion ultimately took over the capital building, at Time Travel Bureau. They immediately rounded up all the clock.

Why would they do a thing like that?

It makes no sense.

-[all gasps] -Got you!

We were being deliberately obtuse about that clock thing.

But, hey, this must be Cavendish and Dakota.

But who's this?

Milo Murphy.

Well, now that we have you and your Time Vehicle, no one will be able to go back in time and alter the king's existence.

Oh, yeah? Well, there's one thing you haven't accounted for.

I don't think so.

We got the Time Travelers, we got the Time Vehicle.

We even got some random middle school kid.

-[blurred speech] -[grunts]

Oh, what in the world was that?

Murphy's Law, nutjober.

Come on, let's go. The Time Limo is just outside.

[all gasping]

-Ha! -Okay, that does it.

Milo, get behind me, I'm gonna clock this guy.

-Get it? 'Cause it's a bag of clocks. -I get it!

Go, go, go, go!

-[Cavendish grunts] -[Dakota] All right, get in!

-Did you get 'em? -Oh, yeah, yeah.

They're right here in my hand.

-There's nothing in your hand. -Look closer.

Ow!

So, is this another house with a weird shrine to Milo?

It's the home of Orton Mahlson.

Creator of the Dr. Zone file.

He actually retired here a few months ago and became a bit of a recluse.

Maybe, he can tell us how Milo was in that 1965 pilot episode.

Diogee Ex Machina Murphy, you get home this instant.

Hmm. That's weird, he always goes home when you...

Wait, his middle name is Ex Machina?

Never mind that.

The creator of your favorite show of all time lives across town from you and this is the first time you've ever been here?

Yeah, today.

I usually just stare from behind that tree.

[man] Oh, please, go away!

I don't give autographs and I don't take

"shelfies" or whatever it is you kids call them.

No, Mr. Mahlson, we aren't here for that.

Of course, if you're offering...

Oh, no, no, this is an emergency.

Oh, all right!

Whoa! You look like a really old Dr. Zone.

Yeah, that was totally worth opening the door for.

Thanks, kid!

Sorry, I mean, I didn't know you were the show's creator and the star!

-Sara, you knew this? -Of course.

Who doesn't know that?

[both] Newbies!

[Dakota] Well, we escaped and we got a free bag of clocks.

Yes, but if they have their own time machine and if they leave soon enough, they could follow our arm trail.

And you had to jinx us.

They just jumped into the time stream.

If I only had my bag pack, I have a ton of stuff that we could use to take care of those guys.

Yeah, you said, you had three hedge trimmers, right?

Oh, among other things.

Why would you have three hedge trimmers in your bag pack?

In case, two of them break. I try to pack for any eventuality.

What we need to do is put some physical distance between us and them before we make our next jump.

We gotta find a time period where we can lose 'em.

Some place chaotic, like a parade or a great battle.

We need to find some place where we know what's going to happen and they don't.

That way, we can navigate and get back out.

Wait, I know just the time.

And the place!

-[tires screeching] -[engine revving]

We've got them now.

Great, they followed us.

Over here, you over grown light snacks!

Okay, turn left up here by the football stadium.

How does this help us?

Because I've been here before and I know...

[all gasping]

[Milo] Turn right up here.

Hey, Pistashions.

[mocking] You can't get us. You're too busy doing photosynthesis.

Go, get 'em, now!

[all screaming]

[all grunting]

Okay, what was that?

The Llama incident. Let's go!

-[engine starts] -[engine revving]

Dad, we lost them.

Never mind that. I know exactly where they're going.

And we're going to get there, before them.

Get out!

[growls]

And then we found these two weird guys and a bunch of our friend's pictures.

-Show 'em, Melissa. -Here!

Let's seen now.

Oh, Cavendish and Dakota.

Yes, yes, very strange pistachio obsessed fellows.

It was them that gave me the inspiration for Dr. Zone and Time Ape.

And what about our friend Milo?

Oh, yes, of course.

They had the young ward with them.

Oh, and now that I think about it, he left me something.

He said that, in 50 years, someone might ask about him.

[blows]

And I was to give them this letter.

All the hairs on the back of my neck just stoop up.

And I shave my neck every day!

This letter could be...

Wait, you shave your neck every day?

[grunts]

It's from Milo, dated 50 years ago.

What does it say? "Meet me at school with my bag pack at 3:00 p.m. on..." Wait, that's today's date.

And less than 15 minutes from now.

Oh, don't forget this. Thanks.

I am not worthy!

[engine starts]

Oh, I hope, I haven't told them too much.

Or too little. Oh, I don't know!

"Shelfie". Oh, I'm posting that!

I think we lost them.

Wait, there's something weird with the time stream.

Where are all the clocks?

This must be before the clock got put...

Wait, why are you pushing buttons?

I can't seem to set our destination time.

There must be something wrong with the terminal collector.

Young man, would you take a look at the antenna on the back of the car?

Oh, sure!

Let's see. Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah. It looks like it's bent, and the gas cap is missing, and the...

Ow! There's a Pistashion on the roof!

Hang on, kid, I got you!

[grunts]

[screams]

Hey, look at that, it was me! Apparently, it was me.

I'm the joker that put all the clocks in the time stream.

I'm a riot!

All right, we should be good.

[computer] Approaching time period.

Oh, it's fixed!

It was me, I was the joker.

Shocking!

-Well, well... -[Melissa] We gotta go!

-[Zack] No time for that! -Time travel emergency!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

You gotta stop when I put that sign up, or all society...

What the heck is that thing?

A portal in the fabric of time and space!

-Probably! -Okay, that's outside my jurisdiction.

Milo?

[laughs]

You wish it was Milo!

Jerry, we talked about this!

I was gonna do the zinger.

-Sorry, Dad. -Okay!

[chuckles]

You wish...

Yep, see? Moment's gone! You ruined it.

-Who are you? -What are you?

I am King Pistashion.

And we're here to destroy you and your time traveling friends.

Well, not me, per se.

These guys will destroy you. Say hello, boys!

-Hello! -Howdy!

Don't let their congenial manner fool you.

They're a lot tougher than they look.

This one ate a congressman!

And this one destroyed a city before he could walk.

Here, look. I have pictures, look.

Destruction. Destruction. Destruction.

General mayhem! Here...

[chuckles] Look, that's from Jerry's surprise party!

Remember that, Jerry? We all got those...

-Anything in there we can use? -I'm looking, I'm looking.

-Why does he have a soap block in here? -I don't know!

...that skate off at the civic center.

Ooh! Is that me? Aw.

Look at me.

Just a seedling, really. With my whole life in front of me.

Dad, they're looking for weapons.

-Mulch them! -[growling]

-Zack! -Yes, three pairs of hedge trimmers!

Back, you plant monsters, or I'll trim your...

Okay, the middle fell out!

So, what are the odds of all three breaking at once?

You guys, this must mean that...

[gasps]

[grunts]

...Milo's close.

Wait, how did they get here before us?

[Melissa] Milo!

Melissa, Zack, my bag pack, Sara!

[Sara] Wait, I'm after bag pack?

Here we go. Catch!

[growls]

Everybody, get in.

-We gotta get my bag pack. -We're gonna have to circle back, kid.

-Punch it! -I am trying!

I've always wanted to ride in a Limo.

But these were not the circumstances I was imagining.

-[engine cranking] -You're flooding it again.

I'm not flooding it.

[engine revving]

-[all exclaiming] -Hold on!

[tires screeching]

-Are you guys okay? -Yeah! But where have you been?

-[growls] -Why are there plant monsters after us?

And more importantly, why are there plant monsters?

[Dakota] Well, that's a long story.

Look out!

Score!

Move that window back up.

Oh, where are my manners?

-This is Cavendish and Dakota! -Greetings!

Hola!

Oops. Run back.

-[growling] -[screaming]

These guys are actual time travelers from the future.

Oh, you see that giant tree that's about to ram us?

That's King Pistashion from the future.

And that is him in our time, right over there.

[Sara] Aw. It's cute.

[Milo] It's dangerous!

[Zack] You sure? 'Cause that's the only plant not trying to k*ll us.

Oh, yeah. In the future, he grows a huge army of these guys and they basically take over the world.

So, in order to destroy that big plant monster, we have to destroy the little one?

-Exactly! -[grunts]

Just run it over!

[tires screeching]

[all screaming]

-The science room! -[Milo] Oh, watch out for the turtle!

[all grunting]

Oh, we're in the girls bathroom.

[Cavendish] How do I get out of here?


[Milo] Turn at the library. No, no. The other way!

All right, backing up.

[all screaming]

-There's the plant. -[Dakota] Run it over.

[Cavendish] That's what I'm trying to do.

[grunts]

[all scream]

-Whoo-hoo! Dad's got 'em! -[all cheering]

-Grab hold, boys! -[cheering]

[all gasping]

Come on, get out of there!

[both grunt]

Now, no one...

...can go back to stop us.

-[engine starting] -[pistachio] Hey, guys, look at me.

I'm riding in a Limo!

Oh! My turn!

Boys, leave that thing alone.

You don't know where it's been!

[whispers] Check the trunk.

It's just Brick and Savannah's disguises.

Wait, what's this?

[Dakota] They got a rocket engine? Infuriating.

Maybe, we can use this.

-[engine powering up] -One, two...

Uh, you might want to step out of the way.

My bag pack!

Three.

[indistinct]

[panting]

Oh, yeah. That feels better.

[all screaming]

Milo!

Ouch!

[growling]

Where is he?

Whoo-hoo! I'm over here!

Why is he heating up a salt block?

Remember Chemistry class? Boom!

[pistachios snarling]

[expl*si*n]

Yeah, take that, nutjobers!

Okay, I need you guys to operate the catapult.

Oh, man. You got everything here except the kitchen...

-Sink! -Wait, that was in your bag pack?

No, I got it over there.

I think, it came from the girl's bathroom.

Release the hounds of w*r!

[growling]

If you guys can keep him busy, I'll go after the little plant.

-Piano wench and cable snares. -Got it!

-Triple extra-large straight jacket. -Got it.

Sorry, I'm running low.

Wind chimes and a self-inflating air mattress!

Okay.

Be creative. Just try to keep them off of me.

[both screaming]

Ha, a spare! Can you help me add this up?

[grunts] Just give me a hand!

[panting]

-[screaming] -[growling]

Yes!

[low growl]

Uh?

[grunts]

Whoo-hoo! Dad, I got one.

[exclaims] Hey.

Keep going, Milo!

[grunts]

Huh?

[screaming] Look out!

Ow.

[growling]

-[grunts] -Bull's eye!

Oh, dear!

[all gasping]

Oops! I wouldn't do that.

And I think you friends might agree with me.

[all screaming]

[screaming] No!

Now, move away from that pistachio plant, Milo!

Yeah, there's nothing in that bag pack for you, now, is there?

Well, yeah, I'm almost all tapped out.

I've just got this bird whistle.

Or more specifically, a woodpecker whistle.

-[inhales] -[whistling]

[gasps] Woodpeckers!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Ahhh! Woodpeckers!

Shoo! Shoo!

[both grunting]

Oh, my back!

[branch creaking]

[all screaming]

Oh!

I've had just about enough of you, young man.

Yes, you have!

Wait a minute, why are you smiling?

Because I never told Diogee to go home.

[grunts]

See, I read that your particular species of pistachio plant is extremely vulnerable to uric acid.

One of the main ingredients of dog pee.

And I happen to have the best dog in the world.

You haven't seen the last of me, Milo Murphy.

[screams] You haven't seen the last...

[grunts]

[both mumbling]

I regret that I have one life to give for my...

[Mr. Block] Well, if it isn't candy pants and dumb totem.

It is not.

So, boss, what'd you think of our reports?

[clears throat]

Not monsters, magical bag packs, you two, and I quote, "Saving the world?"

If you think that I can't see through your absurd attempt to get off pistachio duty, you got another thing coming. Now, get to work!

The time stream healed around him, he'll never know what we did.

[Milo] Hey, guys!

I checked and the turtle is all right.

Thanks a lot, Murphy.

I saved a couple clocks from the time stream.

Why don't you keep one as a souvenir?

Well, yes, I must admit, I had my doubts about you, my boy.

But you really came through for us.

It was quite a day, wasn't it?

I'd say.

Well, children, we really should be on our way.

-Thanks, again. -So long!

[all] Good bye!

[Cavendish] I really like that kid.

[Dakota] Yes, yes, he's all right.

[both gasp]

[snaps fingers] Our car?

[chuckles nervously] Oh, right...

Uh, here you go.

Have fun.

[Cavendish] Thanks for the loan!

[car alarm beeps]

Yeah, just keep pressing the button, that'll help.

So, Milo, Melissa's got a secret room.

Covered in pictures of you.

-Really? -It's not what you think.

You mean, you're not cracking Murphy's Law in the hopes of getting to the bottom of its influence and how best to help me?

Wow, I guess, it's exactly what you think.

But how did you know where I was going to be?

And when I was going to be?

But whatever will we do, Doctor?

-Wow. -Right?

I'm not a very good actor.

Right.

You also sent us this letter from 1965.

Wait, it's my handwriting, but I didn't write it.

At least, not yet!

I don't think, Milo's time traveling days are over.

So, when you do go back there, you have to remember to write this note and give it to Orton Mahlson.

Well, why don't you just give him this one?

It worked with peaches, apparently.

So, why do you think you'll time travel next time?

I don't know, but hopefully, it'll have nothing to do with pistachios.

[screaming]

Huh?

[evil laughter]

♪ We're all livin' in it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm not sitting here Watching the world turn ♪

♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪
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