01x01 - Death by Misadventure

[bunniefuu]

Another three bodies were found
by the Hackensack Mall last night.

That brings the total body count to .

Police are still searching
for the mass m*rder*r.

♪ Hickory Meadows ♪

♪ A beautiful place to live, not die ♪

♪ Oh, the day in Hickory Meadows ♪

♪ Why ♪

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[GASPS]

[MENACING MUSIC]

♪♪

[GASPS]

[BILLIE EILISH'S "COPYCAT"]

♪♪

♪ Don't be cautious ♪

♪ Don't be kind ♪

♪ You committed, I'm your crime ♪

♪ Push my button anytime ♪

♪ You got your finger on the trigger ♪

♪ But your trigger finger's mine ♪

♪ Silver dollar ♪

♪ Golden flame ♪

♪ Dirty water ♪

♪ Poison rain ♪

♪ Perfect m*rder ♪

♪ Take your aim,
I don't belong to anyone ♪

♪ But everybody knows my name ♪

♪♪

Hi, Jake.

bucks for that. Sound fair?

bucks?

It's got to be worth bucks, right?

- Hey, where'd you get this?
- I have no idea.

Must've been my daughter's, I guess.

Honestly, I don't remember.
You into vintage?

No, I'm into retro.

Oh, what's the difference?

- About bucks.
- [CHUCKLES] Fair enough.

♪♪

- Well, thanks, Mrs. Jolly.
- Tell your dad I said hello.

Oh.

Someone took the butcher Kn*fe.

♪ Call me calloused ♪

♪ Call me cold ♪

♪ You're italic, I'm in bold ♪

♪ Call me cocky, watch your tone ♪

♪ You better love me
'cause you're just a clone ♪

What's up, detectives?
It's me, Devon Evans.

Here in Hackensack,
the mayor likes to say

the saints are always watching over us,

guiding our destinies
and keeping us from harm.

Well, I call bullshit on that.

The mayor wants us to think

we're all living on
Main Street in Disneyland,

but the truth is, Hackensack
is a haven for the bizarre,

the f*cked-up,

and the straight-up criminally insane.

In the past year alone,

our m*rder rate has spiked %.

In fact, we haven't seen
this kind of v*olence here

since the Ray family murders in ' ,

a bloodbath that gave birth

to one of the most notorious
serial K*llers in history,

Charles Lee Ray.

Back in the day, he was one of us,

growing up right over on Sherwood Lane.

You won't read about it
in the "Times" dispatch,

but you can hear all about
it right here, every week.

Until next time, fellow detectives,

this is Devon Evans bringing you...

"Hackenslash."

Binxie? [CLICKING TONGUE]

Here, Binx.

[AMBIENT MUSIC]

♪♪

[CAT MEOWS]

How you doing, Binxie?

[CAT MEOWS]

[DISTURBING MUSIC]

[CAT MEOWS]

♪♪

[CAT HISSES]

♪♪

[CAT SCREECHES, GROWLS]

Two heads are better than one, right?

♪♪

[CAT GROWLS]

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

[CAT GROWLS]

♪♪

[CAT MEOWS]

Let's see what you're really made of.

♪♪

Jake!

Jake, I'm home.

- Hey.
- [GASPS]

Wanna play?

Jesus Christ, Jake,
another frickin' doll?

Hi, I'm Chucky,

and I'm your friend till the end.

Hidey-ho! [LAUGHS]

It's voice-activated.

Hey, I was thinking about using
his head for the sculpture.

What do you think?

I don't know. I'm no art critic.

Well, I'm not asking for a review, Dad.

- I just want your opinion.
- It's cool, Jake.

Still think you're spending
too much time on it.

Wouldn't hurt you to
get out of this room

every once in a while.

Maybe you could, uh,
ask a girl to a movie.

See a friend or something.

Friends come and go, in my experience.

The work lasts forever.

So does student debt.

You know it's almost
impossible to make a living

as an artist?

- Mom did.
- That wasn't a living.

That was a lifestyle,

and it certainly didn't pay the bills.

I did.

[SIGHS]

You know you're looking more
and more like her every day?

Speaking of which, I looked
into that art camp,

and I don't think it's gonna work out.

- Why not?
- It's , bucks, Jake.

I'm sorry. Maybe next year.

Besides, you don't wanna be away from me

for a whole month, do you?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER STEREO]

You remember to take your pill today?

- Not yet.
- Well, you should take it.

You're gonna need it.
We're at Defcon tonight.

- Why?
- Your cousin's coming over

- for dinner, remember?
- Oh, sh*t.

"sh*t" is right.

[CAT GROWLS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪♪

[CAT HISSES]

[PLAYFUL SPOOKY MUSIC]

♪♪

So this is fun.

Can't remember last time
we just sent out for pizza.

Hey, Luke,

you got a little
something on your, uh...

Other side. There you go.

- So how's business?
- It's not worth talking about.

Sure, it is.

Things could be better.

I'm drowning.

[MENACING MUSIC]

Uh...

I could throw you a little business.

Bree put a dent in her Lexus.

That'd be great...

if we handled bodywork.

♪♪

But we don't.

There's no shame in getting
a little help now and then.

- Who's ashamed?
- You're my brother.

You'd do the same for me.

Come on, Logan.

When have you ever needed help?

♪♪

Well, Junior has some news.

- Mom.
- Guess who made regionals.

Holy sh*t. Oh, that's great, Junior.

Isn't that great, Jake? Huh?

He's the best distance runner
at Perry Middle since...

- well, since his father.
- [WHISPERING] Yeah!

But regionals is on the th.

It's the day I'm painting
City Hall with the Scouts, remember?

You already made Eagle Scout,

which reminds me, you're gonna need

another extracurricular.

Harvard's gonna want three.

If anyone can handle it, you can.

You know, Jake, the, uh...
The Scouts are taking gays now.

You should totally come check it out.

- Junior.
- What? It's true.

So what does that mean,
exactly, Eagle Scout?

Did you, like, sell the most cookies?

No, while you were up in
your room playing with dolls,

I organized a whole book
drive for the homeless.

Yeah, because keeping up
with Harry Potter

is the most pressing
issue facing the homeless.

So, Jake, how is the sculpture
coming along?

- Can we see it yet?
- Soon.

- Where do you get the dolls?
- Thrift shops, yard sales,

eBay, trash cans.

Andy Warhol once said,
"Just because something's

been thrown away
doesn't make it garbage."

Wasn't Warhol gay too?

- Junior, stop it.
- What?

It's the st century.
It's cool to be gay now.

- Right, Jake?
- It's a nonissue.

Yeah, it's like being
left-handed or vegan.

Would you give it a rest?

He's years old.
He doesn't know what he is.

[MENACING MUSIC]

.

Excuse me. Lucas,
where's your powder room?

It's upstairs where it's always been.

♪♪

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪♪

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

Hey, it's me. [SIGHS]

Sorry. I only have a minute.
I'm with my family.

- I just...
- [RUSTLING]

I just needed...

[SIGHS] Can you hold on a minute?

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL FLOURISH]

[SIGHS]

- Oh, my God!
- [CAT SCREECHES]

[CAT GROWLS]

[SIGHS]

Sorry, I thought someone
was in here with me.

I really need to see you.

Can I call you tomorrow?

Okay.

[ENGINE TURNING OVER]

Binxie!

Here, Binx.

- [GRUNTING, GROANING]
- [OBJECTS CRASHING]

[MENACING MUSIC]

[GRUNTING]

♪♪

[MADALEN DUKE'S "HOW VILLAINS ARE MADE"]

♪ Time to ♪

♪ Put my medal on ♪

♪♪

♪ Whose blood to spill ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

No more dolls, Jake.

Ever.

♪ Whose side I'm on ♪

♪♪

♪ Two armies are coming at me ♪

♪ Their flags and
weapons look the same ♪

♪ One tells the truth,
the other's lying ♪

♪♪

♪ And they're both calling my name ♪

♪ This is how villains are made ♪

♪ This is how villains are made ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh, oh, oh ♪

♪♪

♪ No one ever starts that way ♪

♪ But this is how villains are made ♪

♪♪

Binxie?

- [CROWS CAWING]
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪♪

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

♪♪

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

, bucks?

Holy sh*t.

[KIM PETRAS' "PERSONAL HELL"]

♪♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪♪

♪ Summer sun, don't feel a thing ♪

♪ Overthink 'bout everything ♪

♪ When I think of you,
you give me chills ♪

♪ Baby, come on, got what I need ♪

♪ Hands all over me, oh ♪

♪ Save me ♪

♪ From my personal hell ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Exorcise my demons, yeah ♪

♪ Tainted love could get me there ♪

♪ I've been saving all of this for you ♪

♪ Baby, come on, over to me ♪

♪ Come set me free ♪

♪ Baby, come on ♪

♪ Got what I need ♪

♪ Hands all over me, oh ♪

♪ Save me ♪

♪ From my person... ♪

- [HORN BEEPS]
- Hey, what up?

Still don't understand why
you're still into this stuff.

It's so freaking weird.

I think it's a better
hobby than running.

♪ Save me ♪

♪ From my personal hell ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Break me, break me out ♪

Hey, Jake. Awesome Good Guy.

- I'm into vintage too.
- Oh, he's retro.

- Wanna buy it?
- No, thanks.

Hey, uh, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure.

This is really awkward, but
do you think that you can,

like, maybe introduce me to your cousin?

- [SIGHS] Junior?
- Yeah.

I get that a lot.

I'm flattered, really,
but, um, it's not my thing.

Oh, sorry, I didn't know.

Yeah, since cotillion.
Don't you follow my Insta?

Your bed buddy, Jake? What's his name?

- What's your name?
- Hi, I'm Chucky.

- Wanna play?
- Oh, my God, that's adorable.

- Say, "Cheese."
- Chucky cheese.

You're not tearing him apart, I hope.

- Anything for art, right?
- No, you can't.

Well, actually, I'm gonna sell him.

Oh, you're selling your stuff now, Jake?

I didn't realize it'd gotten that bad.

- No.
- I mean, do you need

- to borrow any money?
- No.

Seriously, it's no problem.

Right?

You know I don't carry cash on me.

- You can Venmo.
- I'm fine.

Being financially disadvantaged

is nothing to be ashamed of, Jake.

- Right?
- I'm not.

- Well, see you later.
- Yeah, see you in class.

I just had the most amazing idea.

Maybe you should give the guy a break.

Don't go soft on me, babe.

[BELL RINGS]

E. B. White said that explaining a joke

is like dissecting a frog:

you understand it better,

but unfortunately,
the frog dies in the process.

Jake, are you okay?

Uh, yeah, I just...

I don't... I don't think I can do this.

Do you have a religious conflict?

No, I just...

I can't stand the sight of blood.

p*ssy.

- Oliver, mind your f*cking business.
- ALL: Ooh!

Look, you can do this.

Just make a vertical
incision down the length

of the abdomen, like I showed you.

Sometimes the heart will go on b*ating

for a few minutes after death.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪♪

[HYPERVENTILATING]

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪♪

[HEARTBEAT THUMPING,
CLOCK TICKING SLOWLY]

Oh.

Oh, no, Jake, that isn't quite right.

No, I didn't do that.

[CELL PHONES BUZZING, CHIMING]

[LAUGHTER]

What is going on?

Lexy's new GoFundMe.

Oliver, let me see that.

_

Here you go, Wheeler.

[COIN CLINKS]

Don't spend it all in one place.

[BELL RINGS]

Hey, for homework
tonight, read chapter

of your Zoology book.
We do have a quiz tomorrow.

Don't forget your boytoy.

Oliver, get the hell out of here.

Jake.

Hey, Ms. F, can you maybe keep this

until I sell it?

It won't fit in my locker.

- Of course.
- Thanks.

No problem.

Just a moment, Lexy. I'd like a word.

You can close the door.

- Have a seat.
- Thank you.

I want you to take
the page down, right now.

But, Ms. Fairchild,
I've already raised $ .

I'm just trying to help a fellow student

- who's in need.
- Lexy, you're not very funny.

Poverty's no laughing matter.

What has Jake Wheeler
ever done to you, anyway?

Nothing.

You know, I was a lot like you

when I was your age.

Entitled, arrogant,

and secretly terrified.

And what is it I'm supposedly
so afraid of?

The creeping realization
that real life is gonna be

a lot more challenging
than middle school

and that no matter how
pretty or popular or important

you might think you are right now,

in the end,

nobody gets everything
they want in life.

Don't worry about me, Ms. F.

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to end up

teaching eight grade biology.

Just take the page down, Lexy,

and you can report to
detention right after school.

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL FLOURISH]

What I'm doing is admirable,
and if you try to stop me

or penalize me in any way,

my parents will sue the school.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Can I go now?

You know, I think Mrs. McVey

should be part of this conversation.

You can repeat your thr*at to her.

Happy to. She and my mom are
in the same Pilates class.

[SIGHS] Wait here.

Crime is complicated,

especially in the eyes of the victim,

the marginalized.

It's not just murders and robberies.

There are silent crimes,
socially accepted crimes,

systemic crimes against humanity,

crimes happening every day,
all around us.

You can't always hear
the victims screaming.

They are, though.

You just have to listen hard enough.

- Okay if I sit here?
- Uh, yeah.

- What are you listening to?
- Nothing.

Well, you were listening to something.

Every day I see you here,
you're totally wrapped up

- in whatever it is.
- Uh...

I was watching "Vampire Diaries,"
actually.

[CHUCKLES] For real? Is it good?

It's sort of a guilty pleasure.

What's it about?

Uh, well, it's about
the unbreakable bond

between brothers.

Strong enough to survive anything,

even their worst mistakes.

But it's also, like,
super hot vampires, right?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, they're super hot.

I'll check it out.

Coolio.

Uh, hey, I'm in
the talent show tomorrow.

You should come.

I'll check it out.

- Coolio.
- [LAUGHS]

Uh, anyways, listen, um,

I wanted to ask you something.

This is kind of awkward.

- Um...
- What?

Well, first of all, I know
you listen to my show.

That's not a question.

Well, I mean, I know you
were listening just now.

- I saw.
- [CHUCKLES] Okay.

So I was wondering if maybe...

well, I was wondering if
maybe you'd be interested

in coming on my podcast.

- What?
- I wanna do a whole series

on bullying, Jake.

I thought you were into true crime.

Bullying is a crime, Jake.

I mean, just here in Hackensack,

- we have Lexy, Oliver...
- Junior.

- No. Junior's a good guy.
- Junior's my cousin.

Believe me, he's not a good guy.

It's Lexy, all right? I don't know what
he sees in her. But, Jake...

Hey, do I look like the poster boy
for losers to you?

- No, I just thought that...
- No, I'm not interested. I got to go.

Loser.

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

♪♪

♪♪

- [GIGGLES]
- [GASPS]

♪♪

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

[SIGHS] Lexy, what's going on?

Nothing. I have to go.

- I have rehearsal.
- Not so fast.

I want you to tell Mrs. McVey
what you told me.

I'll take the page down, okay?
I have to go.

I think I lost my phone.
Just keep an eye out for it.

I got to stop smoking so
much weed before class.

Yeah, good idea.

Okay, well, that was way
easier than it should've been.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪♪

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[DOG BARKING]

_

_

[MESSAGE SWOOSHES]

_

- Hello?
- Yeah, I'm calling about the doll.

- That was fast.
- What condition is he in?

He's good. Really good.

- Mint, actually.
- Is he there with you now?

No, he's sort of in storage.

Is his name Chucky?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, it is.

- How'd you know?
- Listen to me carefully.

I know this is gonna sound strange,

but has anything weird happened lately?

I mean, with Chucky.

Well, this conversation
has been pretty weird.

Be very careful with that doll.

- Do you understand?
- What?

Have you checked his batteries?

- What are you talking about?
- Wait, hold on a second.

Hello? Is somebody there?

Hello?

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

_

_

_

[AMBIENT MUSIC]

♪♪

Dad, are you okay?

Yeah.

I was up late doing payroll.

Dad, we need to talk.

I agree.

I like to be hugged.

Found this in the bathroom.

I thought we got rid of that.

Yeah, I'm working on it.

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪♪

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪♪

- _
- [SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪♪

That was so beautiful, Devon.

Was it meant for anyone special?

- Only for you, Lexy.
- [GIGGLES]

I think you're lying.

Okay, I see some familiar
faces in the crowd tonight.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Hey, brat.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, and I think I see Devon's mom.

Mrs. Evans, you must be so proud.

- Yes, I am.
- ALL: Aw.

And is that Jake Wheeler
sitting right across from you?

- Loser!
- ALL: Boo!

- Loser!
- Hey, Jake, enjoying the show?

Uh, yeah.

What did you think of Devon?

- It was good.
- Just good?

Come on, Jake, don't be shy.

Now is your chance to
tell Dev and his mom

what you really think.

Hey, Lexy!

Lexy.

Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

Who is that?

[UNSETTLING MUSIC]

♪♪

Little help here, Jake.

Here... [WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Okay.

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

♪♪

What are you doing?

Hi, I'm Chucky,

and I'm your friend till the end.

You get that now, Jake, right?

- Yeah, I get it.
- Now, I said "friend," Jake.

Nothing more. [SOFT LAUGHTER]

Not that there's
anything wrong with that.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, look what I found.

- My phone!
- Boo!

- Ah!
- [LAUGHTER]

Lots of pics of Junior.

Lots of pics of Oliver too.

[CROWD CHATTERING, WHISTLING]

Uh-oh.

Guess that was a secret.

[LAUGHTER]

- Jake, stop it.
- I'm not doing this.

We all have our secrets, right, Bree?

Here's Lexy's search history.

Apparently, she's Botox curious,

she's into Pokémon p*rn,

and look what she keeps Googling.

"Why do my farts smell so good?"

[LAUGHTER]

Adorable.

[CACKLING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪♪

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

It's contagious, isn't it?

Laughing at people.

Well, guess what, dickheads.

Okay, that's enough.

Now the joke's on you.

Fun's over. Let's go.

You're all a bunch of f*cking assholes.

- Let's go.
- I'm out of here.

- [CACKLING]
- Come on, come on.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

Your teacher called.

You proud of yourself?

I'm sorry, if that's what you mean.

You're not sorry.

You were suspended.

It wasn't my fault.

You insulted your friends
and your family

- in front of the entire school.
- They deserved it.

- And they're not my friends.
- They used to be.

You used to have friends,
Jake. What happened to you?

It doesn't bother you
that everybody thinks

you're f*cking weird, huh?

You don't care that
they think I'm weird.

You just care that they know I'm a f*g.

[GRUNTS] Listen to me. Listen to me.

You say that again and I will k*ll you,

you hear me?

You hear me?

Should've been you inside
that car instead of Mom.

♪♪

Get off of me.

Go to your room, Jake.

- Give me that.
- No, Dad, I don't think you wa...

Go to your room! Go!

I don't wanna see you anymore.
Get up there!

[WOMAN SCREAMING OVER TV]

I hate you! I f*cking hate you!

Yeah?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪♪

[WEEPS]

[SIGHS]

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

♪♪

Who drank my whiskey?

What the f*ck?

Ah, son of a bitch.

[LOCK CLICKS]

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

♪♪

[SWITCHES CLICKING]

[LIGHT BULB BUZZES]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪♪

[RETCHING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

♪♪

Ah...

♪♪

- Dad?
- [GROANING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

♪♪

[SHOUTS]

- [INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
- [SIRENS WAILING]

Jake?

I'm Detective Evans.

This is my partner, Detective Peyton.

I think you're in the same
class as my son.

- Devon.
- That's right.

Look, Jake, your uncle's
on his way over.

He's gonna take you to
stay at his place tonight.

I cannot imagine what
you're going through.

You sure you don't wanna
see the grief counselor?

No, thanks.

Okay.

I just have a couple
questions, if you're up for it.

Is that okay, Jake?

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪♪

Did you know that there was
a break-in at the school last night?

No.

No real harm done.

God knows I did worse in my day.

The funny thing is, the only
thing missing was a doll.

Your teacher said it
belonged to you, Jake.

I caught your act at school today.

You were incredible.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have lied.
I've never done anything

- like that before.
- Don't worry.

You're not in any kind of trouble.

I just wanna get something straight.

So you broke into the school
in the middle of the night

just to get your doll?

Uh, I needed him to
practice for the talent show.

Hey. You're all right.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It was an accident. It's not your fault.

You okay?

- Was he drinking?
- Looks like it. Yes.

Thank you. Come on.

Oh, Jake.

What happened to your nose?

I fell.

Oh. Okay.

Thank you, Mr. Wheeler. Thank you, Jake.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

So what are we calling it?

"Death by misadventure."

For now.

♪♪

[THUNDER BOOMING]

Hi, Jake.

[SIGHS]

So you're gonna come stay with us now.

Okay. Thank you.

Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?

Do you want something to drink?

It's important to stay hydrated.

No, I'm okay. Thanks.

Why don't you show Jake to his room?

sh*t.

♪♪

So this is yours.

Make yourself at home.

The bathroom's down the hall.

Wi-Fi password is
"EAGLESCOUT," all uppercase.

Is there anything else you need?

I think I'm good.

I want you to know that
we're here for you, Jake.

All of us. You're not alone.

Thanks, Aunt Bree.

Jake.

What did you mean today?

At the talent show, you know,
about me having a secret.

Um, I was just trying to be funny.

I didn't... I didn't
mean anything by it.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Get some rest.

Talk to me.

I said talk to me, damn it.

All right. I'm gonna make you...

Hi, I'm Chucky,

and I'm your friend till the end.

Hidey-f*cking-ho.

[LAUGHS WICKEDLY]

Holy sh*t.

I know.

You... you k*lled him.

- You really did it.
- We did it, Jake.

I didn't want him dead.

What did you think I was gonna do,

ask him for a hug?

He got what he deserved.

He... he wasn't always like that.

When I was younger, he was really cool.

I know an assh*le when I see one.

After my mom d*ed, he just...

He couldn't deal.

Oh, I thought we were
talking about the cat.

You really are Charles Lee Ray.

But my friends all call me Chucky.

Now, let's talk about that bitch Lexy.

[CHILLING MUSIC]

♪♪

[THUNDER BOOMING]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪♪

[GASPS]

Charles.

[THE EXOTICS' "COME WITH ME"]

BOTH: ♪ When you see me
start to look at you ♪

♪ And, babe, you know
I'm gonna be lonely ♪