06x18 - Soup Town and a Little Blonde Mongoose

[bunniefuu]

Hurry up! We have to go!

I'm sorry. I wanted to
wear my Eagles T-shirt.

I can't find it anywhere.

Oh.

Come on, you know it looks
better with boobs in it.

Well, you could say that about anything.

Let's go.

Bye, Christy.

Bye.

Are you okay?

No.

I am very, very sick.

Well, off to serve people food.

Honey, you look like
you're in The Addams Family.

But I put on lip gloss.

Was it gray?

I think you have a fever.

I gave lap dances
when I had chicken pox,

I can power through
this... No, I can't. Oh.

Poor thing. Ready?

She's gonna be okay, right?

- Are you gonna be okay?
- You bet.

Okay. Love you. Have fun.

I mean, bye.

You're gonna stretch my
shirt out in a weird way.

Yeah, like you did with my thong?

That was a joke. That
was funny. You laughed.

Then in '80, I saw The Long Run tour.

That was the first album
Timothy B. Schmit was on.

People were freaking out,
shouting, "Where's Randy?"

Then when Schmit came
out and started singing

"I Can't Tell You Why," it was like

a hippie angel was ju...
You're not even listening

to my great Eagles story.

I'm sorry. I'm having
this weird feeling.

A-Are-are you
gonna throw up, too?

Oh, God, can you do it out the window?

I just had the van detailed.

It's not that. I keep
picturing Christy alone

on the bathroom floor and I get sad.

Or is it worried?

Maybe I'm just hungry.

No, it's definitely an emotion.

Oh, my God.

I want to go home and
take care of my daughter.

N-Now? We're almost to San Francisco.

I know the timing's not
great, but I got to go back.

Oh.

Do I got to go back?

What are you... Are
you suggesting I tuck

and roll out of the
van and hitchhike home?

No. Actually, I was thinking
that we could pull over

at that diner and-and I'd wait with you

until an Uber came and
pay for your ride home.

Oh, that's reasonable, let's do that.

Christy!

Oh, honey.

Mama's here.

I skipped the concert

and rushed home to take care of you.

Oh, no.

Now I'm hallucinating.

How does so much stuff come
out of such a teeny person?

You're like a clown car.

I haven't had corn in weeks.

How does it do that?

Oh, boy, here it comes again.

Hair's up, let it rip.

False alarm.

I'm calling it. Time of empty: 3:17.

Ah.

I can't believe, when I was drinking,

vomiting was a regular part of my day.

Yeah, mine, too.

It was like sleeping or
eating or shoplifting.

I actually used to choose my drinks

based on how I thought they
would taste coming back up.

That's pretty much the only reason
to drink créme de menthe.

Barf that up, you're minty fresh,

and go right back to making out.

- You know what else I don't miss?
- Hmm.

Having a dent in my
forehead because I passed out

on a gas station toilet seat.

Gas station? La-Di-da.

I remember throwing up in my own pants.

Aw. And it was such a shame

because you had just stolen them.

You want me to get you some water?

Uh, water feels risky.

But I think I'm ready
to leave the bathroom.

- All right, let's do this.
- Ah.

Lean on me. I got you.

Thanks. You're a good mom.

What? Oh! Sorry, sorry.

I'm sorry. Oh, God.

It's just you've never said those words

in that order without other
really mean words in the middle.

Well, it's true.

This has been miserable,

but... you found a way
to make it kind of...

Oh, oh, boy. Go back, go back.

Go back, go back.

Maybe after you puke you
can finish that compliment.

What? I'm in the middle of something.

Where are you? The
meeting's about to start.

Christy's sick, so I stayed
home to take care of her.

Why do you lie for no reason?

Goodbye, Jill.

Bye, liar.

This is so much less
stressful than stealing it

from a Days Inn.

What are you doing?

I thought you could watch from bed.

But we don't have a cable thing up here.

Huh. Back you go.

You know what you could do...

What? What could I do?

You could leave the TV,
go get the DVD player,

and I could watch that.

Great idea.

A movie marathon of the
two DVDs we own coming up.

Yay.

Dirty Dancing first,

then Sheena Easton's 7 Minute Stomach.

Mom?

Yeah?

- You know what I want?
- What?

Can I have some rainbow sherbet?

We don't have any.

The store does.

Right, right. I'm on it.

'Cause I'm a good mom, and
that's what good moms do.

I'm just gonna take ten
bucks from your purse.

I'm just gonna take the whole purse.

I'm gonna take your car, too.

I'm sorry, what am I getting again?

Are we done cleaning up already?

Record time.

And with two less people.

Well, you know why.

Jill, be kind.

Because the two less people
are Christy and Bonnie.

I'm uncomfortable talking about them

behind their back.

Well, I'm not, and I'll say it again.

Everything's easier without
Christy and Bonnie. Whoo!

That's not fair. They help.

You get that they're not here,
so we're being honest, right?

Okay, I'll play.

Have you ever noticed how
Bonnie takes, like, one chair

and just leans on it until
we've finished all the work?

And then Christy stops
helping to yell at Bonnie.

And then we all have to stop to referee

and validate their stupid feelings.

And then everything's about them.

Ooh, this is fun.

Hey, if putting chairs
away is better without them,

think how great the bistro's gonna be.

Wait. Christy and Bonnie are the ones

that make us go to the bistro.

We can go anywhere.

You're right. How about
Mexican? Or Italian.

There's a Greek place around the block

where the waiters dance.

Okay, we'll go to the
bistro, but we don't have to.

Freedom!

Okay, this one's for cough,

and this one's for fever.

My kid has both. I
don't know what to do.

Yeah. My daughter has the flu,

but I don't want to give
her anything too strong.

She's so tiny.

This is the first time
Declan's ever been this sick.

I feel completely helpless.

Yeah, it's so hard to see your child

lying in bed, suffering.

And they don't understand
what's happening.

No. You should've
seen my daughter's face

when I told her she
couldn't go to school.

You know, you sound
like such a good mom.

Counting me, you're the third
person to say that today.

Hmm.

I'm going with this.

It says "pediatrician recommended."

I'm gonna go with this.
Christy loves purple flavor.

Hmm.

They say it gets easier
when they get older.

Oh, fingers crossed.
Mine just turned two.

How old's yours? 41.

Do you guys wait for
me to pick something up,

and then call?

You know we can't see you, right?

How's Christy?

She's keeping down crackers.

If that holds, we'll try some toast.

If that stays put, we'll
show applesauce who's boss.

Well, aren't you the good mom.

That's the word on the street.

I got to tell you, if I'd known

taking care of your
kid was so rewarding,

I would've jumped in much sooner.

Yeah, too bad the joys of motherhood

are such a well-kept secret.

Totally. Someone should

put that on Facebook.

- I got to go.
- Tell Christy I said feel... hello?

Hey. Hey. How was the concert?

- Ah, it was okay.
- Just okay?

I feel bad talking about
it 'cause you weren't there.

Honey, I made a choice
to put my child first,

and it's been deeply fulfilling.

I don't regret missing the show at all.

I went backstage!

What?!

Yes. I'm sitting next
to Joe Walsh's dentist.

He totally hooked me
up. I met all the guys.

That's... great.

Yeah. Joe Walsh let me
noodle around on his guitar.

That's what he called it. "Noodling."

We hung out till 3:00 a.m.

Don Henley asked me if I wanted
to split an egg roll with him.

I was like, "Yeah."

It was so awesome.

I-I-I-I... Sorry.

Don't be. I'm... actually fine.

Really? You're not mad that I had

the greatest night of my
life, and you weren't there?

No. Would I have loved
to share an egg roll

with Don Henley? Absolutely.

I bet he'd take the smaller half.

But my daughter needed me,
and I was there for her.

So I had the greatest
night of my life, too.

Mom... I puked on my pillow.

Got to go.

- I have a picture of me and the guys.
- Don't push it!

And because of that I had

to empty the entire refrigerator.

The meat had spoiled,

and the cheese had spoiled.

And I didn't think the
lettuce had spoiled,

but it did spoil.

Darn it, I got to pee.

I'll finish the story when I come back.

Can't wait, sweetie.

Oh, my God, she thinks that's a story.

I lost seven years of my life in prison.

I can't afford to sit through this.

What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

Our apex predator is missing.

What?

I saw this show on the
Nature Channel last night.

I didn't want to watch it,
but my nails weren't dry,

so I couldn't touch the remote.

Turns out there are these
things called ecosystems,

and when one piece is missing...

- whole thing goes to hell.
- I see where you're going.

Not a clue.

Well, in India they have rats.

But not too many,
because they have snakes

that eat the rats.

But not too many, because
they also have mongooses

that eat the snakes.

It's gross but it's beautiful.

What does this have to
do with Wendy accidentally

unplugging her fridge?

She's the rat, and she's
telling endless stories

because our snake's
been home for three days

taking care of our
little blonde mongoose.

Oh, this was a metaphor.

Yikes. 102.7.

102.7.

All of today's hits with
half the commercials.

I made you some soup.

No soup for me.

When I say I made it, I
don't mean I microwaved it.

I mean I... made it.

I did everything but... the chicken.

- You know what I really want?
- Soup?

- A bath.
- Honey, I don't know.

Maybe we should wait
till your fever breaks.

- Bath.
- Soup.

Can I take a bath in the soup?

If it makes you feel
better, I haven't had a bath

or a shower or a full night's
sleep in the last three days.

Why would that make me feel better?

I don't know. It's just an update.

Now take a nap.

But I don't want to.

Take a nap, take a nap, take a nap.

Okay. Oh...

I'll take a nap in the bath.

- Hey.
- Hey. When did you get here?

Couple of minutes ago.

So, uh, what's going on?

I made soup.

Did any of it get in the pot?

Ooh, sarcasm. Just what I need.

Why are you here?

I haven't seen you for a couple of days.

I miss you, although
this short interaction

has fixed that.

I'm sorry, I'm exhausted.

I'm making 27 cups of tea a day,

soup that nobody eats.

I'm sleeping on the floor next to her

in case she needs me.

I finally got a look under the bed.

I think I know how Christy got sick.

Well, is there anything
I can do to help?

Yeah.

You can eat my damn soup.

Actually, I just had a cheeseburger.

Eat it!

Damn it!

Huh?

What's happening?

You left the tub on.
There's water everywhere.

I told you no bath.

I just washed those.
What are you doing?!

I'm helping.

Stop it!

Now you got your PJs wet.

God, you're driving me crazy!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was just try... try...

trying to help.

I know you were. It's okay, it's okay.

Let's, uh, let's get you changed
and get back to bed, okay?

Mommy loves you.

Just... stay still, don't move.

Ooh!

Oh, come on.

- I'll get it.
- No, I'll get it.

Just put these on and get back in bed

and don't do anything else.

Uh-huh.

Oh...

I got the door. Keep eating.

- But I hurt.
- I said eat.

Hey, we just came by
to see how it's going.

It's going great. Really great.

Why are you wet?

'Cause it's going bad.

Really bad.

You poor thing.

One time at the hospital,
I had 14 patients...

Oh, shut up, Wendy.

Yeah, baby, get that rat.

Mom? Can I take a bath?

Oh, my God. I'm coming.

No, you sit. I got this.

Wendy, take care of Christy.

Tammy, why don't you
go make Bonnie some tea?

Coming up.

Oh, hi, Adam.

Why didn't anyone tell me he was here?

What you doing?

I tried.

I tried to be perfect
and then I yelled at her.

I yelled at my sick child.

I'm a monster.

Bonnie, even the best mom in the world

is gonna lose it once in a while.

No one told me being a
parent would be this hard.

Really? I don't even have
a kid and I know that.

I mean, just look around the airport.

People are losing their minds.

It was going so well. I
don't know what happened.

You stopped taking care of yourself.

When was the last time
you went to a meeting?

Or had a manicure?

Did you dig a shallow
grave with those things?

Christy needs me.

If I leave her now, I'm
exactly who I used to be.

If you left to score
coke and didn't come back

for four days, then, yeah.

But a manicure's okay.

Or a meeting.

It's hard to be there for someone else

if you're falling apart.

You going to a meeting is
you taking care of Christy.

You could go to a
meeting, then a manicure.

I don't want to put on my pajamas.

And you can't make me.

That's it. I'm done having children!

Froot Loops.

Oh, or do I want Lucky Charms?

Oh, can I get both?

You know how you get when
you have too much sugar.

Come on. I was sick for a week. Please?

- Okay, but just this one time.
- Yay!

Ooh, you know what else I
really want? Canned ravioli.

I thought we were done throwing up.

Please.

- Fine, but that's it.
- Yay!

Declan's mom? Christy's mom.

Oh, hi.

What's going on?

Declan's cold turned
into the stomach flu

and then into an ear
infection and now it's strep

and I can't stop crying

and I am just failing so
hard at this mom stuff.

Where is Declan now?
He's with my husband.

Okay, text him and tell him
you're gonna be a little late.

- Why? - Because you and I are
gonna go get our nails done.

- Oh, I don't, I...
- You can't take care of your son

unless you take care of yourself.

I'm too tired to argue.

Kids will do that to you.

By the way, I'm Bonnie.

Mackenzie.

Can I at least get my groceries?

No.

Mom?

Mom?

I lost my mom.