02x10 - YMCA

[bunniefuu]

Reporter: you are watching
cspan's continuous coverage

Of the longest filibuster
in senate history.

Rory, would you
change the channel?

You're closer to the remote.

I did it last time. Besides,

You're in your prime.

Is that a bug on the t.v.?

Yep.

Isn't it bad to sit that
close to the screen?

Well, some people would pick
up the bug and take it outside.

And some people build
rockets and go to the moon.

All right, all right,
I'll take care of it.

You missed him.

I put the fear of god into him.

Oh, hi, everybody.

Hi.

I can't believe you guys.

You're in the exact positions

You were when I
left this morning.

Actually, grandpa
had his hand in his pants

And rory had his
hand in his pants...

You're right. They are
in the same position.

Ah, I just love my
new job at the y.

The most rewarding thing
that could happen to a lifeguard

Happened to me today.

This woman was
swimming across the pool

And all of a sudden
she started to gasp

And wave her arms and yell, "you
look exactly like pamela anderson!"

Maybe she meant
you're a big fake boob.

Kerry.

You know, I think we should
all take a cue from bridget:

We could join the
gym and get in shape.

What? Wait, mom,
my family can't join.

I have friends
there. I like this job.

Why are you trying
to ruin this for me?

Why are you acting like
you're embarrassed by us?

Oh, I'm not acting.

And the locker
rooms are over here.

You'll need to bring
your own locks.

- Uh, sweetie?
- Don't call me sweetie. I'm miss hennessy.

And you are the smiths.

Well, excuse me, miss hennessy.

Look, bridget, I know
this embarrasses you,

But this is the
closest y to our house

That has a family plan.

And we also have
a jacuzzi and sauna,

But old people
shouldn't use a sauna

Because it can raise
your heart rate

And it gives everyone
else in there the willies.

Oh, really?

This is my granddaughter.

Dad.

Bridget, I'm sorry, but...

But I'm working more hours now

And I need a place for you kids
to hang out when I'm not home.

We have that place; it's
called the living room.

All right, family. We
are here to get healthy.

Is this a smoking
or non-smoking gym?

Dad, I brought you here
because I want you to be around

For a long long time.

And the rest of you, there's
lots of activities to choose from.

Well, I'm going to sit
by the pool and read.

Doesn't sound
like exercise to me.

Fine, I'll read with
ankle weights on.

Try swimming that way too.

All right, what
about you, smart guy?

My eyes are drawn towards yoga.

You? Yoga?

But, honey, that's
another bucks extra.

Okay, I'll join a g*ng.

What the hell is all this?

What happened to medicine
balls and punching bags?

Actually, I think they
keep them down the hall

In the room with
the stegosaurus.

I'll see you after class.

What'd I do? What'd I do?

Can I help you?

Yeah. Well, I'm having a
little trouble turning this on.

It's not quite like

The one we got at the
olympic training center.

- They're pretty confusing.
- Mm-hmm.

Press "start."

And now just put in
your age and your weight.

No peekies.

Is that too much for you?

It was too much
when I sat down on it.

My name's holly and I'm at
the front desk if you need me.

Uh, thank you, holly.

I'm gonna feel that tomorrow.

Bridget, watch me!

Hey, cut it out! Bridget?

Aren't you gonna do something?

Yes yes, I'm sorry. One sec.

Okay, all the blonde
girls out of the pool.

Do you know what chlorine
does to hair like ours?

It turns it green!

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Hey, what about me?

Oh, gosh, I didn't
see you there.

It's gonna happen a lot to her.

Excuse me, ladies.

Howdy.

Nice mat... Blue.

Oh, you're good.

Okay, class, let's get
some of the kinks out

And start with a sun salutation.

And up.

And swan dive over.

And now let's move into
the downward-facing dog.

Let's drop into cobra.

And release.

And cobra.

And release.

And cobra.

And release.

Now let's move back into
downward-facing dog.

And let's go into proud warrior.

Are you okay?

Are you having trouble
with your proud warrior?

Please go away.

Hey, how are the redwings doing?

Two points out at first.

Yeah, how the pistons doing?

They won three in a row.

Hey, what do you think
about that big trade...

Fellas, I'm trying
to work out here.

Working up a sweat, jim?

Oh, yeah... No pain, no gain.

That holly's a knockout, huh?

I suppose. I hadn't
really noticed.

Here she comes.

Ha ha! Got you.

Oh, that quality workout humor.

Hey, I'm joe... Bad back, ulcer.

Dave... Slipped disk,
high blood pressure.

Jim... You name it, I got it.

Bridget?

They're copying your every move.

They're like your mini mes.

I know. I thought
shaping eyebrows was fun.

Shaping minds is so much cooler.

Yes, your work with
privileged blonde children

- Is truly inspiring.
- Thank you.

Girls, this is my sister kerry.

But she's got red hair.

Do you guys, like,
have the same parents?

Because our dad has a new
wife and they have a baby...

- And it's chinese.
- Both: is it like that?

Yes.

Come on. "Hips, abs
and thighs" is starting.

You have to get up.

You're not helping.

And there I was in korea

Driving ted williams,
the splendid splinter,

Down to seoul
for a little r & r.

Hey, jim, how's the
workout going?

Uh, great. I figured
exactly how much weight

I can lift before
my back goes out.

She wants you.

No, she doesn't. She's
nice to everybody.

Of course, I have
been working out.

Hey, class is ending.

Man: oh! Aerobics class.

Hey, check out the hot blonde.

Come on, guys, let's
show a little class here.

Oh, I think that's
the new lifeguard.

Hey, I wouldn't mind getting a
little c.p.r. Action from here, huh?

I can't believe you...
You punched a guy!

Right in the face.

Dad, I don't approve.

I was defending your
daughter's honor...

Against a man half my age.

His mistake was
not staying down.

Tell me about it.

I'm just so embarrassed.
Everyone at work

Is talking about me;
my boss yelled at me.

You ruined my dream job.

God, and now everybody knows
you're related to the smiths.

Now, bridget, look:

That environment is no place
for a young girl to be working.

Oh, I know, I know,
it's dangerous.

Old men fight there.

The first rule of
old men fight club:

We don't talk about
old men fight club.

Bridget, you are not
going back to that job.

You're not my parent;
you're my grandparent!

You're supposed to give me
money and presents and be cute.

Cute? Cute?

Do you know who
you're talking to? I was...

Oh, drove ted williams! I know!

- All right, all right.
- I did. I did.

All right, that is enough.

Mom, grandpa is being
completely unreasonable.

I finally got my dream job... A job
where I get paid to wear a swimsuit

And sit on a throne.

Aren't you supposed to
keep people from drowning?

That's just such a
small part of what I do.

I'm not quitting
'cause grandpa said so.

Did you hear how
she talked to me?

I know. She was rude.

But she's right.

Bridget can take
care of herself.

She's keeping the job.

All right, all
right. Just spoil her.

You know, I'm the parent
and you are the grandparent.

Oh, yeah, I forgot...
My job is to be cute.

Look, it's just that being
a parent outranks you.

It's kind of like I'm the
prime minister of england

And you're the queen.

What did you just call me?

Dad, stay away from bridget.

Now what on earth makes you
think I'd interfere with her life?

All right, just don't
go looking for trouble.

I don't. Trouble finds me.

Ahh! Ooh!

Look, you just hurt
yourself talking.

Now don't start anything.

God, it's like some bad
science-fiction movie.

I bet she's put
pods in the pool.

Soon they'll hatch
and we'll be invaded

By an army of tiny
mutant bridgelets.

I hate girls like that.

They're so superficial.

Hi, I'm kerry.

Hi. I'm vic.

I'm bridget.

Dad.

You have a beautiful smile.

Listen, uh,

You ever give
private swim lessons?

Oh, no no no, but there is a swimming
class on thursday afternoons

That is perfect for your age
group... We call it "cocoon."

Actually, I was...

Hoping for a little
more one on one.

Mmm? Know what I mean?

Do I know what you mean, vic?

Because you're
being so subtle, vic.

Ha ha ha.

You know what, vic?
They know what you mean.

Girls, come here. What do we say

To the nice man that's
hitting on your lifeguard?

All: yeah, right, vic!

Hey, what's your problem, huh?

Oh, I don't have a problem.
You're the one hitting on me

Trying to be all
michael douglas.

Okay okay, sorry.

Michael douglas?

Michael douglas! All right.

That's some granddaughter
you got there, huh?

Yeah. What do you know?

She can take care of herself.

Damn it.

You sound disappointed.

No no no. It's just that...

I kind of liked it when i...

Thought she needed me.

So is that what
this is all about?

Well, I did kind of like
punching that guy in the face.

Dad, bridget can
take care of herself

Because I taught her.

And I could teach her
because you taught me.

All right. All right.

You're my rock, dad.

I don't know what I
would do without you.

I... I know I couldn't
have made it this far.

And like I said,

I want you to be around
for a long long time.

So go jump on one of
those exercise bikes

And pedal like holly's watching.

Excuse me.

Could I have a word
with you, buster?

Gramps, can I talk to you?

Sure, rory.

It's kind of embarrassing.

It's something I would
have talked to my dad about.

Come to think of it, I wouldn't
have told him either. Never mind.

No no no no. Come back here.

Come on, come on.

Okay, what's up?

Well...

I've got this... Friend...

Who keeps showing
up when he's...

Not wanted.

Ask him to leave.

- I can't.
- Why not?

He doesn't have any ears.

I mean, he shows
up all the time...

He's there in the morning;
he's there in the shower.

I mean, I understand why he's
there when missy klienfeld walks by.

But hunter and I were
having cheeseburgers,

And he was there too.

Oh, yeah yeah.

You know, when I was your age, my
friend was always showing up too.

We were like hope and crosby.

Who? You do realize

- I'm talking about my...
- Yeah yeah yeah.

We're talking
about the same thing.

Now what you're going
through is... Is perfectly normal.

How can this be normal?
I can barely walk.

Calm down.

You see, this is what
happens with a boy your age.

Uh, well, in time it will pass.

It's a phase.

Eventually you get married,
they go away completely.

So it's normal?

That's good.

Thanks.

So what am I supposed
to do in the meantime?

Well...

Uh, try to avoid any
situations where your friend,

You know, would
want to... Ta-daa!

Yeah, you know I'm
always telling you

To stand up straight,
don't hunch over,

- Take your hands
out of your pockets?
- Yeah.

Yeah, well, hunch
over and put 'em back in.

See, cleopatra had dark hair,

And audrey hepburn,

And jackie kennedy onassis.

Wow. I never knew so many
famous women had brown hair.

See, it doesn't matter
what color your hair is.

What's unforgettable is you.

Hi, bridget.

I'm sorry, do I know you?

She's in your swim class.

I have a brown-haired
girl in my swim class?

Don't worry, sarah. That has
more to do with her hair color

Than it does yours.

Hi, girls.

Um, kerry, sarah,

I need to talk to
bridget for a second.

Yeah, I get bored
after that too.

Uhh! Nothing! See?

Oh-ho. I'm so proud.

You know, we could put that on the
fridge next to kerry's report card.

So, honey, uh, how
was work today?

It was great. So much better
since grandpa didn't b*at anybody up.

You know, we're gonna really
have to ease up on him a little.

Look, let's just say
someone was trying to hurt

One of those little girls
that follows you around.

No, anyone who comes near
one of my little chicklets

Would be so past-tense.

Well, that's how your
grandfather feels about you.

He really thought
he was protecting you.

Honey, everyone
wants to feel needed.

Don't shut him out.

He's one of the good guys.

Yeah, I know.

Um, mom, are you really
gonna put this on the fridge

Or are you just saying
that to make me feel good?

Holly: okay, let's
stretch to the right.

And a big stretch to the left.

I think you're smart
starting yoga so young.

Yeah, I'm here for
my osteoporosis.

- What's that?
- Um, bone loss.

Yeah, that's why I'm here too.

You're adorable.

If only I were younger.

Thank you.

You gotta be kidding me.

You can run but you can't hide.

Hey, gramps.

Yeah, hi, bridge.

Grandpa?

I need you.

You need me?

Yeah, don't throw a
parade or anything

But I was gonna go to
the mall but that car

Is making a
chugga-chugga-ping sound.

Well, maybe it's the oil.
Did you check the oil?

Oh, grandpa, there's plenty of oil. The red
light that says "oil" is on all the time.

The red light is on?

What are you thinking? Holy cow.

Do I have to do
everything around here?

I can't believe it.

Bridget.

There's nothing
wrong with the car.

I changed the oil yesterday.

You just sent him
out there for nothing.

Nothing? Actually
I drained the oil

And then drove around
until that red light came on

And it started making that
chugga-chugga-ping sound.

So I sent grandpa out there
to make him feel needed.

You are welcome.

Wait wait... Wait a minute.

You did what to my car?

Jim: oh, there goes a toenail!

What the hell did I do
with my other shoe?

Hey, aunt cate, it's
your nephew c.j.

Hi. Uh, sorry I missed you.

Listen, good news! Looks like I'm
gonna be heading out your way soon.

Yeah. In about...
Oh, one to six days.

I can't wait to
see you. Okay, bye.

Oh, I should have
told her about my van.

Hey, brother, you
got any change...

For the phone?

Come on, I saw that
dude give you a quarter!

Don't be tight.

Pay it forward.