02x16 - Daddy's Girl

[bunniefuu]

Are you sure you have to go?

Yeah. I'll call you later.

Okay.

Ho ho ho.

What's wrong, kerry?

What are you, blind? Her boyfriend
didn't even kiss her goodbye.

Stiffed at the door.
Rejected, shut down.

- The heisman!
- Nice.

Guys, knock it off.
You're so insensitive.

These things happen to everyone.

So it has happened to you?

The heisman? Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, dad, look who
got a letter from mom.

Both: ooh...

The nice stationery,
the perfume...

I wonder what it is.

I wonder what a lonely
woman who cast out

The best thing that
ever happened to her

Could possibly want.

Cate, would you do the honors?

Dad, it's your letter.

No no no, begging always
sounds better out loud.

All right. Okay.

"Dear jim, I love you."

All: oooh...

- "I'll always love you."
- All: oooh.

- "But I'm seeing
someone else."
- Oooh.

Oh, she's seeing someone else.

Sorry, dude.

In a letter, mom?

48 Years together,
and you tell dad

You're seeing someone
else in a letter?

Uh-huh. More humane?

Right.

Well, is that why you sent the
picture of the two of you in a hammock?

Look, I really don't think it
matters one way or the other,

If I think he's
cute. We're not 16.

Well, I don't know... A four.

Look, mom, he's not
half as attractive as dad.

What the hell is that?!

Look... Look, mom, I'm
gonna call you back later.

Yeah, okay. Bye.

Hey, dad. How are you doing?

Fine.

Are you sure?

You've been awfully quiet ever
since you got that letter from mom.

Come on, your mom
can do as she chooses.

She's a big girl.

Granted, she wasn't quite
as big when I married her.

You see, I knew
it... You're angry!

No no, I think you're
the angry one.

You know, split-ups
are toughest on the kids.

Hey, honey. What...
What's all this?

I'm just highlighting kerry's
hair so kyle will notice her.

Why is she doing that?
Her hair is beautiful.

Mom, it's okay.
She can't hear us.

It is.

I know.

It's okay. I kept the music
on. She can't hear us.

Hey, bridge. Go talk
to your grandpa.

What?

I just want you to know I know
what you're going through.

If you're gonna talk about this,
I'm gonna get up and go to my room.

Mm-hmm.

How do you know I was bluffing?

Mmm, the part about getting up.

- So talk to me.
- Kerry: bridget!

I think your sister
wants you, darling.

I am going to k*ll you!

Look at me! You said you
were gonna highlight my hair.

I look like dolly parton.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Look, kerry.

Now just calm down. It
really doesn't look that ba...

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Just
sit down. Sit down and...

Oh, my. Oh, my, you know, you
really do look like dolly parton.

- Mom!
- Come on, she's
the queen of country.

Whoa, papa bear,

Somebody has been
sitting in my chair

And she's still there.

- Nice.
- Nice.

Now look, kerry, I will call
sylvia at the salon immediately.

She is great with disasters.

It looks fine.

Oh my god, that's kyle.
He can't see me like this.

Relax. I'll take care of it.

Okay, tell him I'm sick
and I'll call him later.

I said I'll take care of it.

Look!

Rory!

Rory, is there anything you wish
you could say to your father?

I miss him.

And what do you think your
father would say to you?

He'd say, "rory,

I think you should have that
d*ck dale classic stratocaster

With the custom-fitted
whammy bar

Featured in quentin
tarantino's 'pulp fiction.'"

Nice try.

Very nice try.

Bridget, you've
been awfully silent.

- I'm kerry.
- Oh.

Sorry, the hair...
It was an accident.

There are no accidents, kerry.

I can't believe you
just called me bridget.

Don't just sit there,
kerry. Thank him.

Girls.

You know, I hate this.

Today I was reading an article
and I couldn't understand it.

It's like being blonde
has made me stupider.

More stupid.

Girls.

All right. So, are
we normal yet?

Who's to say what's normal?

You at these prices!

You didn't have much
to say either, cate.

How are you doing?

I'm... I keep busy.

No, doctor, she burns herself
out doing everything for us

And grandpa and c.j.

Cate, it's time to
take care of yourself.

Mm, and how do I do that?

Treat yourself. Do something
you've never done before,

Something impulsive.

Well, you know,

Paul always wanted
to go skydiving

For our 25th
wedding anniversary.

But I'm not gonna go jumping
out of some damn airplane.

Well, what's your skydiving?

I don't know...

- Singing, I guess.
- Singing?

- She's a great singer.
- Kiss ass.

Bridget!

I mean, I do. I sing
in the church choir.

But ever since I was a little
girl, I always had this fantasy

About singing, you
know, like a real singer.

Tell me about that
little girl's fantasy.

It's the same as any little
girl's fantasy, you know?

A smoky bar, a
sequined cocktail dress,

A brandy snifter filled
with singles on the piano.

Actually, that's my fantasy.

Shrink humor.

So how come you
never pursued it?

Well, my dad is a
very practical man.

And he just thought that
kind of stuff was frivolous.

Grandpa stopped you?

Mom, you always tell
us we can do anything.

Honey, I have to say that.

Well, that's 10 more sessions.

Now come on. No, it's just
really a very silly fantasy.

It's not like something
that I would ever actually...

Cate, go skydiving.

Cate.

Yeah, dad?

Dad, I like to sing.

Don't you think I
have a nice voice?

Well, sure, honey, but, uh...

Grandma, you like
him. You know you do.

You're so gonna marry him.

- You will marry him. I bet you do.
- C.j.

Is paco there right now?

Oh, he isn't? Why
are you giggling?

Ha ha. You're naughty,
grammy. I didn't know that.

Not now, mom. C.j.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, grandpa.

I forgot you and grandma
were kind of a thing.

Oh, you were on the
phone with laura?

You should have said hi for me.

Come here, c.j.

I'm worried about dad.

He seems happy.

I'll take care of that.

No no no.

This is what he does.
He's burying his feelings.

Oh.

He's only happy on the outside.

He won't talk to me or the kids.

He just won't open up.
He needs a man to talk to.

So, c.j., Can you
make some calls?

Hey, I'm a man.

I have manlike qualities.

I don't know if
you've noticed it,

But he kind of hates my guts.

Oh, c.j., You love
him, don't you?

Go talk to him.

Take him somewhere.
Show him a good time.

It's too cold to
feed the pigeons.

- Then take him
to a ballgame.
- I don't know.

- I'll pay you.
- I can make it work.

Ay-ya-yay!

Grandpa, hot babe at 9:00.

That's not 9:00.

More like 8:15, you idiot.

Oh, here comes
the dreaded friend.

Listen, you were
in korea, right?

- I need you to dive
on a grenade for me.
- What?

I need you to be my wingman.

Oh, they've got wings
here. I love wings.

Not wings. Wingman, all right?

I need you to talk to the
buddy while I make my move.

Maybe throw in I'm an astronaut.

Gotcha.

- Hey, girls.
- Hey, ladies.

He's 32, broke, unemployed. You'd
better get him before he gets away.

He's...

What's wrong with you?

I don't wanna be here. I'm only
here because cate made me.

Well, she paid me.

Well, then, you're buying.

Can I see your i.d.?

Have you got any scotch
older than that line?

This is happy hour.

We don't serve grumpy people.

Well, who d*ed and
made you owner?

My husband.

Sorry.

I'll have beer today.

Wow, gramps, it's like
sam and diane-osaur.

One beer for the skipper.

What's gilligan gonna have?

Uh, I'll have a light
beer, mrs. Howell.

One draft, one light.

Oh, boy.

- What?
- Light beer.

Only sissies drink light beer.

You know, light beer is
what's wrong with this country.

You know, when the angry
old man primaries come up,

You should run on that platform.

Hey, go ahead and make
fun, but real man, real beer.

Mm-hmm.

Ahh!

I've got to go to the bathroom.

Kerry, I know you're...

Mad about your hair.

And I know I probably should
have "read the directions"...

But until sylvia gets
back from vacation,

I have a little
surprise for you.

This is so sweet
of you, bridget.

'Cause I've always
wanted to look

Like an irish setter!

No, you don't. You look
more like howard stern.

Guys, have grandpa
and c.j. Gone yet?

Yeah, mom. What's up?

Well, I'm going out.
Don't stay up too late.

- Mom, what's going on?
- Yeah, you look all nervous.

Well, I am kind of nervous.

Yesterday, I took the plunge

And I signed up to sing in an
open-mike night. Tonight's the night.

- Mom, that's great.
- Mom, that's awesome.

I wasn't gonna say
anything 'cause it's personal,

But I'm really scared.

- Don't be scared.
- You're gone be so great.

You know what? Why don't
you guys come with me?

- No, I'm busy.
- I'm not going out.

I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that.

Get your coats now!

Mom, I can't go out
looking like this.

Oh, sweetie. Now!

Oh, thank you, kids.
Thank you so much.

It means so much to me.

Well, paul, guess
who's going skydiving?

Okay, so in summary,
you get low,

You cram the nose
bone up into the brain.

Kills them instantly.

So anybody wanna buy me a drink?

Get lost.

Okay. I'll come
back at last call

When you're a little
bit more yourself.

- Ay-ya-yay.
- Smooth.

Yeah. Well, I think if anyone

Should sympathize
with me, should be you.

Are you comparing striking out
with bar chicks with my losing my wife?

Look, I'm trying to
do a good deed here

And get a senior citizen
hammered, all right?

It's not like I don't
have my own stuff.

I'm 32 and I got
nothing, zip, zero.

32? 32!

- Here we go.
- You've got your whole
life ahead of you.

Oh boy, complaining
about 32 is like

Complaining about a
movie five minutes in.

Calm down, gramps. It's okay.

He's a little dizzy
from all the urinating.

When I was a young man
I was digging ditches.

- You were a ditch digger?
- You bet.

In all kinds of weather. My hands
were all callused and cut up.

- And I loved it!
- Of course you loved it

'Cause digging
ditches is... I don't know.

There's nothing positive
about digging ditches. It sucks.

I loved it because I was
working toward something.

I was building a life, a
family to come home to.

Now marriage gone,
home gone, work gone.

What's my legacy
after all these years?

A twin bed in my
daughter's basement.

I guess that trumps
your zip and zero.

So excuse me if I
don't get all misty

Over the plight of being 32.

There goes happy on the outside.

Oh, wow, it's crowded.

How come grandpa
didn't have to come?

I mean, get to.

Honestly, it makes
me kind of nervous.

I used to sing around the
house when I was a little girl,

And just once I wanted
a little approval.

- I just wanted to hear my dad say...
- Oh, hot guys right there!

Right, we're gonna
go get a table.

Hi.

- God, how do I look?
- Like kenny from
"south park."

Did you ever hear
that old saying,

"You wanna make god laugh,
just tell him your plans"?

Well, nothing worked
out the way I planned.

Legacy...

I don't even have a son
to carry on my name.

I love my girls, of course,

But it would have
been nice to have a son

To throw the ball around with.

You know, you do
have a grandson.

Yeah, there's rory.

You know, gramps,
those cracks hurt.

Do you ever think
that maybe, just maybe,

I would have turned
out a little better

If you had paid a little
more attention to me?

Maybe if you had
asked me to throw the...

I'm sorry. I can't even
keep a straight face.

And you call
yourself a grandson?

You call yourself a grandfather? You're
like the bad trees in the "wizard of oz."

My apples are rotten.

Hey! Stop it.

You two babies!

No wonder you fight...
You're exactly the same.

Now why don't you
just shake hands,

Make up and stop scaring
my lady customers?

Here, put something
in your mouth.

You know, I hate to say it,

But miss kitty may be right.

You're the one
scaring the ladies away.

No, about making up.

- Should we shake?
- Oh, sure.

Then, we put on dresses
and kiss each other.

You know what? You're not the
first guy to have his wife leave him.

- You might be
the oldest, but...
- Are you done?

'Cause I have to go
to the men's room.

There the old guy goes again.
Who had at 9:15 in the pool?

You know, that old
guy happens to be

The toughest guy I've ever met.

He dug ditches, all right? Why?

I have no idea.

You're lucky he's letting
me tell you to shut up,

Or we'd be taking this outside.

You wanna mix it up with me?

Okay, let's go.

Hey, you leave my
grandson alone.

Yeah.

I think that sounded a lot
more threatening in your head.

My wife left me and
I'm living in a basement.

So you wanna deal with that?

Okay. Okay, lighten up. Jeez.

That was cool, grandpa.

Yeah. Well, I always wanted
to stand shoulder to shoulder

- With my son
in a barroom fight.
- All right.

Oh, gee.

I didn't know he
was in a wheelchair.

You didn't? I did.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Man: yeah!

♪ My old man ♪

♪ I'm a chip off
the old block... ♪

- Catie?
- Oh, yeah.

I kind of brought you
here for another reason.

I thought you might
want to see this.

You know what that is up there?

It's your legacy. She's amazing.

- You know, life sometimes...
- Shh!

- My baby girl's singing.
- ♪ I'm forever walking ♪

♪ In daddy's shoes ♪

♪ I've got his misery ♪

♪ I got good company ♪

♪ I guess I'll always be ♪

♪ My daddy's girl ♪

♪ You spend a lifetime ♪

♪ Saying this is who I am ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Then you find yourself ♪

♪ Saying something
you don' t understand ♪

♪ You look in the mirror ♪

♪ And there you are ♪

♪ My old man ♪

♪ I'm a chip off the old block ♪

♪ My old man... ♪

That's my daughter.

Oh, she's lovely.

You do good work.

Speaking of work,
we close at 1:00.

Hey, I saw her first.

♪ I got good company ♪

♪ I guess I'll always be ♪

♪ My daddy's girl ♪

♪ Yes, I'll always be ♪

♪ My daddy's girl. ♪

Jim: that's my girl!

All right, mom!

That's my girl. All right.

Kerry: yay, mom!

Thank you, rory.
Thank you, bridget.

Kerry, we're dyeing
that hair back tomorrow.

Oh, can't we wait
like a week or two?

No.

Oh, dad, what are
you doing here?

Eh, my grandson brought me.

You sing like an angel.

Oh. Oh, dad, that...

That's just great
to hear. Thank you.

No no. Thank you.

For what?

I wouldn't know where to begin.

Oh, dad.