05x07 - Nemesis Rising

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GHOSTLY VOICE: Malik...

Malik...

Malik!

My son...

Argh!

Noooooo!

THUD

HE STRAINS

How pathetic.

I was just...

Playing at being a helpless little breather?

Well, yeah. I need to fit in.

Being a vampire does have its advantages, you know.

Makes packing a doddle.

Well, looks like you're all ready for your new life in Breatherville.

Mummy tucking you into your coffin at dusk,

late-night snacks that don't fight back.

Are you sure you'll be all right here without me?

You may be the Chosen One, Vlad, but I can take care of myself.

What about Malik?

I can certainly take care of him.

GROANING AND RATTLING

Renfield?

Have you got that-that-that-that... that thing under control yet?

- Not exactly, Master.
- Oh?

I thought I had pinpointed a weakness,

which I'm endeavouring to exploit.

So you failed miserably?

Completely and utterly, Master.

HISSING

Oh, oh. What's happening to me?

HEARTBEATS AND HIGH-PITCHED RINGING

My vampire senses seem incredibly acute.

My ears, my...oh, my eyes, my eyes.

It's our malevolent friend, Master. Inducing sensory overload.

And that...and that smell!

That smell is quite the most disgusting thing ever

- to as*ault my olfactory orifices.
- Really, Master?

I think it's a rather exquisite bouquet. Yes, it's a mixture

of dung beetle pate with a... with a ripe maggot sauce.

It's making me feel quite peckish actually...

Ah-ah-ah!

SQUEALING

Well, if you're so ravenous - eat that! Or construct a cage...

build a box, just do anything you can to contain it!

RENFIELD MUTTERS UNCERTAINLY

GHOSTLY VOICE: Malik! Malik! Come to your mother!

So what have you got for me?

IF I knew more about the particular thr*at...

Just trying to keep my big brother out of the basement.

New house rule.

- So what does it do?
- Huh!

Low volt UV beams kick in with a motion sensor...

It won't k*ll a vamp, but it'll deliver a lot more than a tickle.

Hmm. How deliciously sneaky.

You must be the most useful breather I know.

Aww! Other than the ones you use as drink dispensers?

HE SIGHS

Open vortex!

I command the vortex to open!

So, how long have you been staying with the Count?

Er...not long enough. It's REALLY cool here.

And how long has Sally been your mum?

Duh! Since I was born.

Asan, do you have to ask questions all the time?

Sorry, it's just... I miss having my family to talk to.

HE SNARLS

What are you doing down here?

We're collecting stuff for Mum's sculpture.

- You're not allowed in the basement.
- They're not the only ones.

I heard them messing around. It's lucky I did.

Vlad wouldn't be very happy if anything nasty happened

to his breather half-sister, hmm?

Just as well you were here, then.

Bye, then! Catch you later.

Hurry, you haven't got long.

What's the deal with your brother and the...the mirror?

Beyond the mirror there's a lake.

His mother's in a crystal at the bottom of it.

Huh! This just gets cooler and cooler.

And last but not least...

this represents my personal philosophy,

which is that life is like a great big bowl of ice cream,

so grab a spoon and get your share.

WIND CHIMES TINKLE

What do you think?

Yeah.

You all right, Vlad?

Is it your exams?

Don't worry, I'm sure someone with your talents will pass

with flying colours.

Huh, my talents...flying, right.

Actually, there is something...

OK. Well, let's sit down with a cup of tea, yeah?

I'm actually rather pleased with that.

Hm!

Right - it's show time. Pass your hand through the motion sensor....

- This had better be good.
- Well, it's one of mine, it will be.

Oh! Nice. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Whoo!

Oh, the CCTV will beam up all the action to the control room.

Well, come on, follow me.

And...

HE LAUGHS

..as I have rigged the whole corridor...

you won't miss a thing.

Impressive. Are you sure you're not part vampire?

Are you worried about coming to live with George and me?

No, it's not that. Really.

It's just...things have been changing a lot recently.

Well, you're growing up, Vlad. Change is nothing to be frightened of.

Maybe.

But sometimes it feels like...

like I'm not exactly sure who I am any more.

So let me help!

I know it's selfish of me. You're just about ready to

leave home and... It's just I've missed out on so much.

I just want to be there for you. Whatever you need.

Vlad, you've got a mysterious parcel.

Ah! What's all that terrible kerfuffle?!

That-that-that-that, er, awful music?

What music?

- What-what-what-what?
- HIGH-PITCHED RINGING

Er, no, no, no, no... Nothing, nothing, nothing.

It's from Bali, see? The postmark.

Well, I... I hope you're not collecting for Vampire Aid.

We've...we've already given.

- You did say if I was ever in the neighbourhood.
- Talitha!

In the flesh, so to speak.

Oh, er, this is Talitha. We did a lot of travelling together.

Yes, well, perhaps she'd like to keep on travelling...

Full house, I'm afraid, every coffin...spoken for.

Dad, whatever happened to the famous Dracula hospitality?

Huh! It left long ago, along with the famous Dracula fortune.

Yes, you three.

Hi, I'm Talitha.

Sally...Vlad's tutor.

Interesting.

I'm Vlad's sister.

Ingrid Dracula. The first female on the Vampire High Council.

More power to you.

Yes, yes, head of catering, Buffy the Vampire Waitress, ha-ha,

ooh, ooh, terrifying, eh?

RENFIELD STRAINS

HE CACKLES

Get out of that, Houdini!

Ooh!

Ah!

Not quite there yet. Some fine tuning required perhaps.

So, staying long?

I was hoping to hang out for the big party for Vlad's th.

- Party? Who mentioned a party?
- You did.

Did I? Oh, yes, yes, yes. A small affair, the smallest.

Close friends and family only, I'm afraid. Vladimir, a word.

So, Talitha. You said you met Vlad when you were travelling?

- I went to Haiti.
- This is too much.

First it's your family, then Malik and the boy,

and now this phantasmagorical freeloader.

Why don't you invite the whole Vampire High Council to stay?

The sooner they find out you're half-breather,

the sooner we're all dust.

Now, I want that transcendental weirdo out of here now.

Dad, let me handle it.

- HIGH-PITCHED RINGING
- I know Talitha, I can trust her.

All right, all right, there's no need to shout, Vladimir!

- What?
- Oh, what, what, what? No, nothing, nothing.

I suppose cos you and Talitha went moon bathing together,

and she's a "free spirit", man?

- Yeah, there's more to it than that.
- Yes.

Anyway, according to Sally you were bit of a free spirit yourself

back in the day.

- Well, I-I-I-I-I suppose...
- My exams are almost over,

but I've got a lot of time for Talitha.

- So a reason to stay on perhaps?
- Well, I didn't say that.

Drinks for our guest - Ren, Ren... Where's Renfield?

Oh, no, no, he's otherwise engaged...

Ingrid, perhaps you could do the honours?

- Do I look like the maid?
- I'll go.

- Just soya for me.
- Oh, not another one.

You know, I remember a time when being a blood-sucking fiend

was all the rage. I mean, what is wrong with people?

If you're looking for drinks,

the good stuff is in the blood cellar, not the basement.

That's right. I forgot!

So... what do you think of Talitha?

She's a bit of an oddball, but seems OK.

She obviously got pretty close to Vlad on his travels.

- Perhaps...very close.
- What do you mean?

Well, having the Chosen One on your side could give someone

a lot of power, maybe even get them on The Vampire High Council.

Of course, now you've opened the door for females...

You think that soya-slurping, coffin-surfing little...

Ah, see, that's what she seems. But who is she really?

We've no idea.

Maybe you should check her out on the vampire register?

Blood cellar's that way, yeah?

She seems like a very... special person.

Er, she is. We can talk about stuff.

Vampire stuff.

It's OK. I get it. Good friends are hard to find.

Especially ones that you can talk to.

Listen, guys, Vlad and Talitha have a lot of catching up to do.

So let's leave them to it, yeah?

Who fancies a game of vampire hide and seek?

- Yeah!
- Er, no, hang on...

Well, I'm sure it will be fine. Won't it, Malik?

Mm.

Come on.

I need you to hack into the VHC records for me again.

Bring up everything you can get on a Talitha.

'You really can't live without me, can you?'

Don't push it or I might do something you'll regret.

Now, get a move on before I turn you into a human haggis.

'Huh! Nice!'

OK, you guys hide. But remember, the basement is off-limits.

What's so good about vampire hide and seek?

This.

- Wow!
- Where do we go?

Well, that'll keep them busy.

I thought you could crash here. This is Ingrid's old room.

SCREAMING

Ah! Master Vlad...and, er... unknown fragrant friend.

I'm afraid this room is, er, closed at present due to

a little spot of re-engineering...

I mean, er, remodelling. I mean, er, redecorating.

- Re-decorating, yeah, that's it. Erm, have a good evening. Goodbye.
- What?

My chakras just went way out of whack.

I can see your aura, Vlad.

There's something wrong.

What? Everything's fine.

I didn't travel with you all that time without getting to know you.

What is going on?

Nothing, Talitha. Everything's good.

Why are Sally and George hanging out here?

I mean, it's cool but...they are...

breathers.

You know you can talk to me.

As you rightly predicted, Master, Plan E

didn't exactly go to plan either.

Well, then maybe it's time for Plan F. F for flee.

But where to, Renfield?

I've got another idea.

- All right, all right. Just get on with it, get on with it.
- Yes!

Right.

Ah, Italy. The blood - molto bene.

The garlic...not so bene.

We have a problem.

Problem? What problem? Have you been speaking to Renfield?

No, why would I want to speak to that imbecile?

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

Please, you were ranting?

I've checked the vampire records as far back as the Doomsday register

and there's no entry for a Talitha anywhere.

I think she's a fraud. We need to tell Vlad to get rid of her.

No, no, no, you may have a point but let's not be hasty.

If this new chum curbs Vlad's enthusiasm for leaving,

- I think it's best she stays.
- But what if she's...

Look, Ingrid, please!

I have more pressing matters to attend to, believe me.

BEEPING

Ah! The Scottish Highlands.

I think not - the midge bites are even worse than ours. Yes.

BEEPING

Ingrid.

You're toast.

Argh!

HE LAUGHS

So, you want to play games, do you?

- ECHOING:
- Malik! Malik!

Come to me.

HE GRUNTS

HE GRUNTS

The mirror, Malik. NOW!

HE GRUNTS

It's weird that Malik hasn't found us yet.

Yeah. I wonder where he is?

GRUNTING

GRUNTING

Open the vortex.

Open the vortex now!

What have you done? Why can't I go through the mirror?

Remember when I got these? That night market in Marrakech.

- Vlad, I can't help you unless you talk to me.
- It's no big deal.

I'm just going travelling again.

You travel light. You're packing up your whole life here.

- I'm just tidying up!
- Oh, so you're not running away, then?

- Vlad...
- OK!

OK.

You asked about the breathers. Sally...

Sally's my mother.

I'm half breather.

That can't be true.

Vlad...

You were right. I only came back here for one reason.

- To release your mother?
- Yes!
- The shape-shifting psycho?

- She nearly destroyed us the last time she was loose.
- Exactly!

Only Elizabeta has that kind of power.

The one who can control HER can control everything.

Control her? You really have lost it, Malik.

How long do you think it will be before The Vampire High Council

finds out about Vlad's little secret?

What, a month? A year?

We can't just sit back and wait for that to happen.

What are you saying? Elizabeta can't be controlled.

So, we use her as a w*apon. Keep her in the crystal.

Just the thr*at of unleashing her will make us invincible.

Like the Draculas used to be?

And will be again if you help me.

Just imagine the power.

I'm losing my powers, Tal.

They're all but gone. I feel so human, so weak.

You'll get a resurge on your birthday.

- It happens to all vampires.
- I'm not like all vampires.

If I don't know what's going to happen to me

or what's going to happen next, how can I move in with Sally?

- I don't want to be a burden.
- And if you stay?

It'll be open season on the Draculas.

If the Vampire High Council discover the truth,

they'll wipe out the entire clan.

Then you should go.

What? Really?

You think it'll be OK?

What's the worst that can happen?

This Talitha, or whoever she is, you really think she's a danger?

Assume she is.

I'm more worried about what we do with your mother

once we dredge her from the lake.

How to get her out is another problem.

We can't cross running water.

But I know someone who can.

Oh! If I may,

it is specially constructed of the rarest metals, with an inner casing

of lead and pure silver. Not only that,

it's held together with diamond screws -

- very difficult to get hold of...
- Very expensive!

But the piece de resistance, oh, my favourite bit,

is a little invention I made myself - no need to thank me -

- called Renfieldite.
- Ah, ha-ha!
- Ow!

I knew I could get the better of this if I just put my mind to it.

Yeah, oh, yeah, of course, Master!

Agh! Agh!

Sadly, I put your mind to it

- and subsequently it's a complete disaster.
- Yes, Master.

- Still...all good things must come to an end. We need to leave.
- The room?

No! No! The house, the country,

the continent, you imbecile. Come!

So, are we ready for our little fishing trip?

Mm-hm. This is going to be a surprise for Vlad, right?

It certainly is.

What happens now?

Hold my hands and take a deep breath.

Malik, make sure you follow right after.

Open the vortex!

Urgh!

Open the vortex!

SHRIEKING

Where is he?

I knew I shouldn't have trusted him.

So much for us working together.

But you're going to be a great help.

SHRIEKING IN DISTANCE

Ingrid, I'm scared.

What is this place? Why is it daytime and why aren't you burning?

There's nothing to be frightened of.

Just do exactly as I tell you.

What was that?!

It's fine, just don't put your hands in the water.

Now, get in the boat. Keep still. No sudden movements.

Erm, I don't think I want to do this any more.

SHE SNARLS

Do as you're told or I'll leave you here!

Get in!

Ready or not, here I come.

Oh, that reminds me, have you seen George?

- She must have found a good hiding place.
- Let's go and flush her out.

We can be home in time for breakfast.

Urgh!

I told you not to put your hands in the water.

Now, come on!

- ECHOING:
- Where is Malik? Where is my son?

That's what I'd like to know.

Open the vortex!

Thanks for your help, Malik. We make our first move and you've already

- let me down.
- I tried, I still couldn't get through.
- Yeah, right.

I don't understand. I've been through before - you were there.

- Maybe I should have dragged you with me like I did back then.
- Go on!

What?

I think you need to have a word with Mummy Dearest.

Open the vortex!

It's all true - promise.

Jumping through a mirror, a lake...

a talking rock?

And the slime.

- I don't understand.
- I do.

You're both leaving, right now. I was wrong.

Garside is more dangerous than ever.

Come on, Asan.

What's happened?

Vlad?

- You're not coming with us, are you?
- I can't right now.

I'm sorry.

- I understand.
- But, Mum - wait. What about the birthday?

- She's been really excited planning this whole big surprise.
- Sh, George!

All Vlad needs to know is that we'll be there for him.

Whatever he needs.

So, now you know the truth.

There's only one reason for your entry to be barred.

So, this is the secret.

The final betrayal. How could you?

- ECHOING:
- Listen to me, Malik. Listen to me! I did this for you!

- No! Noooo!
- Argh!

The world will come to dread what you have made me.

We'd better get back. Take my hand.

We have to stick together.

- ECHOING:
- Malik!

I suspected Malik might betray me, Ingrid.

What I didn't suspect was you being part of that.

We were just checking to see if Elizabeta is still zoned.

So, where's the crystal?

Beyond the mirror. See for yourself if you don't believe me.

Why should I? All you've ever done is lie to me. I trusted you.

- Oh, he sounds more like a breather every day.
- Well, I'm not!

I'm a Dracula, and it looks like I'll be staying at Garside

to keep an eye on the pair of you.

You couldn't even wait till I was gone, could you?

You had to ruin my one chance of happiness.

SHE SIGHS