01x13 - After Hours

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Even Stevens". Aired June 17, 2000 - June 2, 2003.*
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Seventh-grader Louis, struggles to fit in at school and in his picture- perfect family.
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01x13 - After Hours

Post by bunniefuu »

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

(SLURPS)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

(expl*si*n)

Ren, you said if I wanted
to borrow something,

I had to ask.

-(REN SNORING)
-Well, so...

can I borrow your laptop?

(MUTTERING)

Huh.

You sure?

Mm... hmm.

Oh, yeah? Thanks, Ren.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAWN MOWER WHIRS)

Oh, God.

No, no, no, no, no.

Not today.

Chocolate mess?

Louis.

(GRUNTS)

-(GROANS) Oh, hockey sticks, Ren.
-Oh, I'm sorry.

Where have you been?

I got a late start.

I've never been late
for anything ever.

Do I need to remind you that Monday

is Lawrence Junior High School's
th anniversary?

Our Diamond Jubilee,
a very proud day, sir.

That's right. We'll be
visited by dignitaries,

honored guests and people
who can help my career.

-Oh. (CHUCKLES)
-And the whole shebang hinges

on a certain display...

Seventy-five years of Lawrence history,

-which you volunteered to design.
-I know, sir. I'm working on it.

Well, all I see
is an empty display case.

(CHUCKLES) Mr. Wexler...

it's in all of these boxes.

Yep, the greatest moments
of our school's history.

It's all organized
in chronological order.

All I need is a couple
hours after school to set it up.

Hot-diggity. Because I've been
called out of town this weekend

on some, uh, principal business.

Uh, it's a...
very important conference.

I have to take a plane
and everything.

Well, Mr. Wexler,

you can just hop on that big silver bird
and rest easy, knowing that

that Ren Stevens has your back.
(CLICKS TONGUE)

Carry on, then,

um, and if there's any problems
in my absence,

Coach Tugnut's in charge.

Tugnut?

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Oh, I'm late for gym.

-Coach Tugnut, I'm so sorry. I...
-You're late.

I know. I was with Principal Wexler.

Don't drop names with me,
Miss Stevens.

I know all about Mr. Wexler's
important principal business.

Gets to take a plane and everything.

-And he left me in charge.
-Uh, no disrespect, sir,

but why isn't Vice Principal Mason
in charge?

Come with me, Missy,
and I'll explain.

Vice Principal Mason is out sick.

The Dean of Students has jury duty.

The Guidance Counselor
had a nervous breakdown,

and the Wood Shop teacher
lost another thumb.

-(GASPS)
-So,

according to the official
chain of command,

you're looking at the top dog. (BARKS)

I know this must be
a very big day for you,

so if I could just, you
know, go in there, and...

The only place you're going to go
is to the stragglers' bench

where you can sit out the period
with your, uh, friend over there.

Friend? I haven't even said
two words to the...

Grab some bench.

No talking.

Candied yams.

Excuse me?

Those were the two words
you said to me.

We are really not supposed
to be talking.

It was before Easter break

and I was behind you
in the cafeteria line.

Then I asked what, if any, vegetables
they were serving that day

and you said...

-"Candied yams."
-Right!

My name's Chloe.
It's so good chatting with you again.

I know we're going
to be great friends.

Hey, you want me to do your toes?

It's nontoxic.

Uh... uh... We're really
not supposed to be talking.

-(WHISTLE BLOWS)
-Penalty!

Illegal use of the mouth.
Fifteen yards and detention.

What?

I can't... No. I have a display to...

Thee o'clock... Thataway.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYS)

Don't bother.

He's been sleeping since .

First-timer, huh?

Yeah. Thanks to you.

I should be setting up
my display right now.

Chewie, you're out of line!

Sorry. I should have warned you.

Just don't make eye contact with it.

Come on. I saved you a seat.

Just stay close, okay?

Where am I?

CHLOE: That's Muke.
He's not supposed to have dairy.

And this is Stubs, who'll ask
you to shave him, but don't.

My people!

-And that's Lou...
-CHLOE: I know who that is.

-People...
-(REN CLEARS THROAT EMPHATICALLY)

Whoa!

You must get this all the time,
but you know who you look like?

-You look a lot like Ren Stevens.
-Louis.

Oh, this... this is unbelievable.

You sound like her, too.

-You even have her punch.
-What happened to your chin?

Oh, That's... that's a sports injury.

Please. He tripped over the remote
when Dad was watching football.

Did you unplug
my alarm clock last night?

Well, I unplug a lot of things.

Well, then this is all your fault.

Except for the part
that's your fault.

Ren, this doesn't have to be
a negative experience.

-(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
-Yeah, Ren, get with the program.

I don't want to "get with the program."

You two are nothing but trouble.

I just want to do my time,

get out of here
so I can finish my project.

Whatever.

(SNAPPING FINGERS)

Let the games begin.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

LOUIS: All right, bring her in.

(HAMSTERS SQUEAKING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Be swift, Kevin.

(ALL CHEERING)

Come on!

CHLOE: Come on, Kevin!
Come on!

GIRL: Go, Green!

Faster, Green!

Come on!

Go! Go!

(ALL YELLING)

Come on!

(YELLING CONTINUES)

That's it, Green.

Wait!

French fries.

Tugnut!

Go! Get them out!

I trust everything is going smoothly.

Excellent.

Oh, Coach Tugnut, sir.

I just wanted to apologize
for how I acted this morning.

(CHUCKLES) You hear that, people?

That's called remorse.

I like it.

Go on.

And in the future,
I will always be prepared

and on time.

Something wrong?

No, sir. I'm just really nervous
about this... this project

because, um... well, there's

a very important person
coming here on Monday

and I only have an hour to get

it... done.

So, you've learned your lesson?

(SQUEALS) No!

Eww, eww, eww!

Eww! Eww! Eww!
Eww! Eww! Eww!

You are out of order, Missy.

(PANTING, SQUEALING)
I... I... Kevin... the alarm clock...

-They're bad people!
-Okay, that's it. Everyone out.

Except for you.

I don't care what you have to do.

Now you've got a steaming plate
of double detention.

Well...

Keep an eye on her, Peters.

(REN WHIMPERS) But it wasn't me.

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTS)

-Louis!
-LOUIS: Don't come in.

Louis, you are ruining my...

-Uh... uh...
-What are you doing?

Um, I just wanted to see
how it would look.

Don't worry, it's, um, it's nontoxic.

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Well, I just came in here to let
you have it, but, um...

what's the use?
I'm doomed.

It's Friday afternoon,
the school is closed

and I'm never going to finish
my display case by Monday.

Right. So, uh, so, let me help you.

Oh, you help me? Why?

Your whole life is dedicated
to destroying me.

You followed the code.

What code?

You didn't squeal to Tugnut

about what was going on
in detention today.

Oh, so that's your code:
"Don't squeal"?

Right. That and some stuff about
cleaning up after hamsters.

-But the point is that we owe you.
-Okay, the school is locked,

so how could you possibly help me?

Well, it's really easy, actually.

We sneak in,

you finish your business
with the project

and we sneak out
and nobody's the wiser.

That is the most ridiculous,
knuckle-headed...

-(PHONE RINGS)
-I have to go get that.

But in the meantime, just...

draw yourself
a little nontoxic brain.

Hello.

WEXLER: Hello, Ren.

Oh, hi, Principal Wexler.
This is so great.

I... I wanted to talk to you
about something.

Ren, you'll have to speak up.

My fellow principals and I

are discussing some very
important educational issues.

Extra cheese on those nachos.

Oh, sir, it's, um...
it's about the project.

You see, um...

I got detention today and, um,

well, I didn't have time to finish it.

You finished? Ah, great.
That's a load off my mind.

No, no, sir, you see,
I... I wasn't able to.

WEXLER: Ren, I can't hear you.

Too much educational stuff going on.

But I want you to know
that I'm very proud of you

and I know that Mrs. Bushwick
will be very impressed.

It's going to be a glorious day.

(BOINGS)

(LAUGHS)

Where's my nachos?

(SLAMS THE PHONE)

(SIGHS)

Louis!

Ready?

LOUIS: (OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)
Unit One to Unit Two, come in.

Louis, I am right next to you.

Yeah, but, uh,
I always wanted to say that.

(CLATTERING)

Someone's coming.

Oh, relax.
It's probably just some friends.

I asked some guys from detention...
(CLEARS THROAT) ...for some backup.

Hey, you, is this where the top
secret mission is?

-What are you doing?
-Shh. Shh.

-(WHISPERS) Why are you talking so loud?
-Shh.


You wore jeans, too.
I can't believe it.

This is your backup? Chloe?

Where is everyone, huh?

Louis, they're detention-heads.

They're not known
for their reliability.

Oh, and you are?

Honey, I can miss one dinner
at your mother's house.

Wexler put me in charge.

For once. It's Terry Tugnut's
chance to shine

and I'm not going to let
anything go wrong.

You got...
You got to turn it that way.

Hurry up.

REN: I cannot believe I'm doing this.

-LOUIS: Come on.
-REN: I cannot believe this.

-Is that it?
-REN: Yeah.

LOUIS:
So, how much time you need?

An hour... maybe more.

Really? To slap together
a little display?

You obviously don't know me
very well

but I've never slapped together
anything in my life.

Really?
I love slapping things together.

Some of my best parties
just kind of happen.

Please. Please!
Please, okay?

Tugnut's lurking, so we got
to come up with a diversion.

Like what?

-Well, I've been studying Tugnut.
-Wait a second.

You're flunking math
and studying Tugnut?

What would any out of shape,
-year-old gym teacher

want more than anything else
in the world?

I don't know, self-esteem?

Jumbo-Sized Crinkle Fries.

These babies right here.

These things are unbelievable.

(SNIFFING)

-Mmm.
-Right?

Jumbo-Sized Crinkle Fries.

Come to papa.

No...

(SNIFFS)

(CELL PHONE DIALS)

MAN: Happy Spud Hut.

Home of the
Jumbo-Sized Crinkle Fries.

Oh, good, you're still open.

I got it bad this time.

-I'm trying to do something.
-Ouch!

(GASPS)

Wait... just...
Now what do we do?

Heat sensitive, light sensitive
and motion sensitive.

You trip one of those bad boys,

you'll have Johnny Law
down here in a heartbeat.

I'm going to have to disarm them.

Louis, how are you going
to get through those lasers?

Well, I never told this to anybody...

but I'm wispy.

Is that my old ballet outfit?

Shh!

Wispy.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Nice form. Nice form.

(GRUNTS)

Louis, you wispy little boy wonder
you did it!

Okay, so, if we just stay focused
and organized, we can do this.

It's all in chronological order.

So, find me the box
that says " - ."

(MOTOR REVVING)

Louis, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just cooling off.

Will you turn that thing off?

Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

Ah! Louis!

(YELLING)

Louis!

Louis, turn it off!

My bad.

That's it.

I let the whole school down.

Come on, Ren,
we can still make it work.

Listen, Spunky, don't you know
when something is over?

(SIGHS)

Yeah, I know
when a friendship's over.

All I ever did
was try to be nice to you.

Wait, Chloe...

Look...

I just have this little thing

with needing everything
to be perfect all the time.

LOUIS: It's not that big of a deal.

I'll take the fan.
I'll walk down the hall.

I'll blow everything
back the way it was

and we can all go to,
uh, eat dinner or...

What a dumb idea!
I cannot believe that you honestly...

I tried to offer my help...

CHLOE: All right! Hold it!

Louis, just pick up all that stuff
and get it down here.

We got a change of plans.

Ren, we're going to do your display

but just forget order;
forget perfect.

I'm thinking...

different.

-LOUIS: Ren?
-REN: Yeah?

-Is this good?
-REN: Yeah.

(SNIFFS)

-CHLOE: Up here okay?
-REN: Mm-hmm.

Jumbo-Sized Crinkle Fries.

Oh, that's... that's Tugnut.

Wait.

That felt good.

Uh-oh.

(WHIMPERING)

And our special guest

is from the first
graduating class of ,

Mrs. Barbara Bushwick.

Oh, Principal Wexler,
this display is incredible.

No boundaries, no borders...

It's years of Lawrence Junior High
in a sensory splash.

Makes me feel like a girl again.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Bushwick.

And we all owe a big Wombat thumbs up
to Ren Stevens

for a job well done.

Thank you, Mr. Wexler

but I couldn't have done it
without the help of my crew.

These two?

Yeah. Sometimes people
can surprise you.

Are you the hamster boy?

Who wants to know?

Eleven jelly beans on Lucky Larry.

I got you covered.

Don't worry about it.
You and me.

(SNORING LOUDLY)

Tugnut!

Tugnut, get some rest. You look like
you've been up all night.

(GROANS)

-Mrs. Bushwick, we have snacks.
-Oh, snacks.

-Enjoy yourself.
-TUGNUT: Stevens...

I spent the whole weekend
straddling a laser beam.

Oh... I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

Don't play nice with me.

I know you three
had something to do with this.

And I'm going to get
to the bottom of it.

Bet you a bag of French fries
he doesn't.

ALL: Um...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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