03x10 - The Cruikshanks

[bunniefuu]

Listen, I...

What I'm saying is if you deliver it
and it goes on my door...

and someone steals it, that's your fault.

So, I have to spend a hundred bucks

so I can get another f*cking beard trimmer
I already paid for once? Great.

Good business, guys. Thanks.

- Everything okay?
- Barely.

I moved into
this sketchy neighborhood,

and someone's stealing my mail.

Hmm.

I think it's the landlady's kid,
'cause he's a shifty little f*ck.

I didn't know you moved.

Since the split, Arya stays in one place
and then Denise and I rotate in and out.

It's gotta have fringe benefits, right?

You got your own place,
your little babe lair.

Please, I wish. I haven't gotten laid
since the divorce.

Oh, sh*t. Really?

Story of my life, dude. I used to k*ll it.

I thought I'd be the shark in the ocean
on a feeding frenzy,

but it turns out I'm just a sad, little,
dickless eel that gets no p*ssy.

Too bad,
I'd like for that eel to get some.

Yeah. Hey, I wanted to talk to you
about that sh**t.

sh**t went great.
I mean, Arya was awesome.

Well, she can't be in it.

What? No, I mean, she is in it.

We sh*t her stuff already. So...

Well, it's non-union, right?

Plus, if it turns out to be a big turd,

people are gonna see it,
and that'll hurt her career.

Yeah, but it's so not a turd,
it's really...

It's also weird you didn't ask us
if she could be in it.

Do you think that's weird?
She's a kid.

You don't negotiate with a teenager

and just get her
in your thing on the side.

I was just trying to be proactive.

I figured that's what the big sh*ts do.

They just go and ask and then beg
for forgiveness later, but...

Listen, I don't want to be that guy
and stress you out,

but she can't be in it.

And if she's in it, we're gonna sue you

and go through all that
and nobody wants that.

Then don't be that guy,
be the guy who says,

"This is awesome, and I'm supporting you,
Gus."

Fruit by the Foot. Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, what a little nugget I found.

Haley, I know you're scared. We all are.

You have to tell me what you saw
before someone else gets k*lled.

They threatened my family.
What if I'm next?

All right. So...

With Arya out... Uh...
What do we got to work with?

- Nothing.
- Well, don't say nothing.

Let's stay positive here.

She witnesses the m*rder,
so without her scene,

- the ending makes no sense.
- Yeah.

Hold on.

f*ck.

Okay, uh, Mickey's here,
so we gotta wrap this up.

What are... What are my options?

What might be cool is we could take
what we have and turn it into a trailer.

You realize this was supposed
to be a seven-part mini-series,

not a two-minute trailer?

This could be for the best.

Show people the good parts.

What do you mean "the good parts"?
You're saying there's bad parts?

- I mean, you know, the script is great.
- Mm-hmm.

You did a really great job,
but execution-wise,

- Okay, no.
- I don't thin we...

You need to stop talking,
or I'm gonna burst into tears.

Yeah.

Okay. Um...

- Let's do the trailer.
- I think that's gonna be good.

Pretty soon, this passion project
is gonna be a 30-second commercial.

I mean,
that's not such a bad idea, either.

- Hey. Sorry.
- What is happening in here, guys?

I was just having a talk.

Movie magic? How's it going?

Uh... It's great.
It's going really great.

What's going on?
I sense some tension in here.

No, there's no tension.
We're just talking about the movie.

- So, I'll see you guys later.
- Okay.

- Bye!
- Bye.

- Have fun in South Dakota.
- Yeah.

- f*cking...
- Yeah. Let me get that. You got it?

- Yeah.
- Yep, okay.

What do you think? I'd say we got about
five good minutes, tops.

Oh! I was thinking three.

Maybe we can squeeze
three and a half out of this thing.

- You okay? You seem kind of anx-y.
- Anx-y?

Yeah, it's my cute way of saying anxious
so you don't think I'm being judgy.

- Oh!
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay. Well, I'm feeling very anx-y, then.
- Mm-hmm.

No, I don't know. I'm just...

You know, it's stressful going back,
seeing the family.

I mean, I love 'em. They're great.
They're the best.

- But...
- But...

They just can be
a bit much sometimes.

I mean, as a heads up,
my dad's gonna seem maybe angry

or mean, but he's just quiet and reserved.

And my mom,
she can get a little loud sometimes,

especially after a few drinks.
But, you know, fun loud.

I don't know. They're great. I love them.
Seriously, they're the best.

That is the nicest sh*t talking
I've ever heard.

Relax, it's gonna be fine.

I know, I know, I know.
Honestly, I just want you to like them.

Okay.

I mean, they are a bit conservative,
so I don't want to be like,

- "Tone it down, Mickey," but...
- No, I get it.

I will not bring up abortion...
until after dinner.

- Okay, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

- Can you do me a favor?
- Mm-hmm.

Can you tell me if my house has a smell?

Everybody's house has a smell.

No, no, I know. I just...

Because I grew up with it,
I don't know what it is.

- Okay.
- And I can't identify it.

- It's like one of those things.
- I'll take a big whiff.

Okay. So, I, uh...

- I think my parents must be asleep.
- Okay.

- So, we can just turn in now.
- Sure.

- You gotta tell me. What's the smell?
- Oh.

It smells like laundry detergent,
ham and Shalimar.

- Does your mom wear Shalimar?
- She did, good nose.

- Gussie? Is that you?
- Ah!

- Oh, my gosh. Hi, Mom.
- Yay! My sweetie!

Hello.

- You look wonderful.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

- Dad. Hey.
- Hey, buddy.

Good to see you. Mom, Dad, this is Mickey.

- Nice to meet you.
- Mickey!

- There we are.
- Mickey, I'm Vicki. Oh.

Look at us. Mickey and Vicki.

- We should be a singing duo.
- Oh, we could do that! Yes!

- How was the drive?
- It was good. Good drive, I would say.

- Took 212?
- Mm-hmm.

Took 212 to 14 West.

- Oh, that's good. That's smart.
- Yeah, yeah.

You two must be starving, huh?
I'll warm up some cheese potatoes.

- Cheese potatoes?
- Yeah, yeah.

South Dakota put
their two favorite foods together.

My cholesterol is about 500,
but I don't care anymore.

- Oh.
- Hmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

- This is delicious.
- I know, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Everybody loves Mom's cheese potatoes.

- She's the best cook.
- Good to see you eating, Gus.

This guy was so skinny, I was afraid
he'd fall through his own assh*le.

Hon...

Oh, my gosh.

Uh, so, Mickey,
Gus tells us you're in radio.

Oh, yeah. She's a big-time producer.
She is k*lling it.

- Oh, well, that's very impressive.
- Thank you.

So, how about you, sweetie?
How's your job?

It's good. Witchita is going great.

And I just finished my movie,
which is very exciting.

I hope you put our money to good use.
Mom tells me that Arya's in it, too?

Oh, Arya? Yeah, she's in it.

Honey. Honey, where did we see her?

What was that movie with, you know,
the cop from that show?

Come on. Help me out here.

Which cop show guy? David Caruso?

No. The one where they're
always investigating everything.

You know, that one on Channel 4.
The one that Beverly hates.

The sex crimes one?

Oh, no, she loves the sex crimes one.
Ooh!

Oh, gosh. This is gonna bug me.

Does Arya have another job lined up?

You better have another job lined up, too.

You never quit a job
unless you have a job.

- Am I right, Mickey?
- Totally right.

If you're still hungry,
I have some more food.

We could sit over here.
We could be comfortable.

- Yeah.
- Mmm!

- Wow! Now what are these?
- Well, these are my boy's favorite.

- As I recall.
- Yes.

These are called pickle wheels.

- Yum, yum, yum.
- Oh, yeah.

So it's pickles and cream cheese
and you wrap it in meat.

- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.

How have I gone my whole life
without having a pickle wheel?

- It's another South Dakota delicacy.
- Right? Yummy, huh?

- How about some wine?
- Uh, I think we're good. Thanks, though.

- Mickey, want some wine?
- Mom, we're fine.

Well, let her answer, ding-dong.

You know what?
I'm fine, I'm actually sober.

Oh. Okay. Neat. How long?

Oh. That's not
a really polite thing to ask.

Oh, it's okay.

Oh, okay. When was it? I guess it was
sometime before we met, right?

- No.
- What?

I wasn't sober when we met.

Oh. Uh... Basically, it was around there,
though, right?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

- Well, you don't mind if I...
- No. Go right ahead.

Okay, all righty. More for me.

Here we are gabbing about our jobs.
How's work for you two?

Yeah, must be tough being a principal.

Gets tougher every year.

Last week a kid called me a fascist.

Yeah.
But he has his hobbies and that helps.

You know, fishing and hunting.

- Want to see my g*ns?
- Oh, Dad.

It's midnight. She doesn't want
to be looking at g*ns.

Show me those g*ns!

- This is a bolt action. Here. Hold that.
- Okay. All right.

Put it up against your shoulder...
Yeah. Like that.

- You ever held a g*n before?
- Unh-unh.

Could have fooled me. You're a natural.

Oh, yeah. He's right. You look so poised.

Does that feel weird, Mickey?

No, I like it. I get it, I 100%
understand the appeal of this thing.

I guess I didn't take you as a hunter.

Oh, I eat steaks. So that's k*lling a cow.

I wouldn't sh**t a white tiger,
but there's a lot of birds I don't like.

Come up in October. sh**t some pheasant.
Me and Ken go every year. Shotgun.

Ooh, yeah. Pheasants suck.
Tell Ken I'm in.

Oh, you can tell him yourself.

Him and his family are dropping by

- early in the morning.
- Ah.

Oh, and Caroline and Andrew are coming
the night before the party.

- The party?
- Yeah!

Oh, my God, I can't wait for that party.

- Forty years?
- I know. Can I just tell you something?

It flew by. Just flew by.

Yeah, for me it felt
exactly like 40 years.

How long have you two known each other?

Oh, what's it been, Mickey? Eight months?

Well, in 39 years, you're gonna know
what I'm talking about.

- Oh, aren't they a lovely couple?
- Yes, they are.

Oh, my God. Just lovely.

- Ooh, I like being in here.
- Yeah?

It's like traveling back in time to see
how little teenage Gussie lived.

Oh, yeah. If these walls could talk,
they'd say...

"This boy loves jacking it."

You know, I really like your parents.
A lot.

Oh.

That's nice to hear. I could tell they...

I could tell they really liked you, too.

I can see it in their eyes.
It was very sweet.

Yeah, I don't know why you're so worried.

Your dad's not scary. He's sweet.
So's your mom.

Yes, that's true.

It's just, you know, they're sort of
naturally repressed people.

They were in
good first impression mode too, so...

But whatever, I mean, believe me,

the fact that you like them
and they like you

makes me very happy.

I mean, you liked my dad.

Yeah, but I got how he wasn't always
the best dude to you and stuff. Yeah.

But you gotta learn to forgive.

Resentment is like holding
onto a hot coal.

Eventually,
you're the one who gets b*rned.

Hmm.

- Is that something they say in AA? Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

Another one is,
"Resentment is like drinking poison

- and hoping the other person dies."
- Huh.

Yeah, and "the only difference between
a flower and a weed is judgment."

- I like that weed-flower one.
- I finish strong.

Yeah, that one was really good.

It's just... my brother Ken
is going to be the tough one.

He's Mr. Expert. He'll tell you

- everything you're doing wrong...
- Hey.

- Hmm?
- You want to have sex?

Oh. Um...

Yeah, okay.

Have you ever had sex in this bed?

No. Should I go get a bottle of champagne
to crash on the headboard?

Hey, um...

- I'm just a little worried about my...
- What?

...family waking up, so can you
make the moans sound like snoring?

- I'm getting in my head now.
- I'm sorry.

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.

- Make whatever sound you want.
- Okay.

Wake up!

- Oh!
- Hmm?

Hi, sweetie!

- Finally!
- Hey.

He has risen.

Ah, come here. Good morning.
Good morning, Ken. Kelly, hi.

- Hi.
- Kelly, Ken, this is Mickey.

Hi. Hi.

Sorry if Nina woke you guys.

Ah, no, it's fine.
We had to get up anyway, so...

I must be wired differently than you.

I cannot sleep in like that.
I'm up at 5:30 every day.

- Coffee?
- Thank you. Good morning.

Good morning.

Now, you must not get much sleep
at all though with this guy.

- Have you heard him talking in his sleep?
- Shut up.

Oh. Yeah, I mean,
I've heard him once or twice.

I thought it was cute.

Remember when I had you come in
and he was talking in his sleep?

And he was walking around going,
"The campfire goes here!"

- Sweet. Aww.
- That.

It was funny.
He was dreaming about camping.

Maybe I was dreaming about
building a warm fire for my loved ones.

- I don't know.
- Oh, yeah. It was probably that, Ken.

- We don't need to...
- All right.

Okay, he loves you.

Of course I do, I'm teasing him.
I'm glad you're here.

- That's nice.
- Thank you. Thank you.

That's very sweet.

What have we got planned?
What are gonna do today, guys?

We can't sit inside all day.
Who's up for some Cornhole?

- Cornhole? Is that a game?
- Oh, is it.

Should we team up and make this real?

- Yeah.
- All right, Dad, you go with Kelly.

And then Mom, Gus.
And then you want to double up?

- Yeah, let's do it.
- Mickey and me could be a team, too.

Well, no,
I was trying to make it more fair.

So it's people that are good at it
with people

- that are less experienced or whatever.
- Yeah.

Mom would be the experienced one,

- then you're... whatever, the rest.
- Okay.

- I'll help you out.
- Gotcha. All right, yeah.

- Little thing!
- Man!

♪ The footprints over the snow ♪

♪ The fabric of all the lonely ♪

♪ Covering only the fables and hands ♪

- Why would you even try it?
- You did that to me two rounds ago.

♪ F-f-freezin', yeah ♪

♪ My, my, my heart like a kick drum ♪

♪ My, my heart like a kick drum ♪

♪ My, my heart like a kick drum ♪

♪ My, my love like a voice ♪

Ah!

- Oh!
- That's how you Cornhole!

- That is how you Cornhole!
- Oh, yes!

- Team Ken and Mick! You're good!
- Yeah.

- We'll get 'em next time.
- Yeah. It's okay.

I'm not that competitive,
I don't even care, so...

That's fine, yeah. Good game, everybody!

All right, losers pick up.

Ugh.

What the f*ck?

Ah, yuck! Gross.

♪ Though the mountains may fall ♪

♪ And the hills turn to dust ♪

♪ Yet the love of the Lord will stand ♪

♪ As a shelter for all
Who will call on his name ♪

♪ Sing the praise and the glory of God ♪

♪ Though the mountains may fall ♪

- Hey, you're really getting into this.
- Oh, yeah, it's a good song.

♪ The love of the Lord will stand ♪

♪ As the shelter for all ♪

♪ Who will call on his name ♪

Listen to this angel.

♪ Sing the praise and the glory of God ♪

♪ Da ♪

- Whoa. What the f*ck?
- f*ck!

- What?
- The drain's all blocked up.

I thought you were out for the day.

Yeah, it got super hot.

Has this ever happened before?
You should ask Mickey.

No. No one likes getting a panicky call
when they're out of town. I'll fix it.

You can really fix this?

I don't know. Can you?

No way. We should call a plumber.

Are you mad at me?

I'm just...
It just sucks dealing with this.

Yeah, but like, outside of this,
you've been acting really weird around me.

You always seem kind of cranky,
and we haven't had sex in, like...

Can we talk about this
when I'm not covered in bile?

f*ck!

What?

Oh, it's just like...
It sucks dealing with this, f*ck.

- Hi, come on in.
- Hey.

Hi. Randy's here.

- Hey!
- Oh. Hey, Chris.

- Hey. Uh...
- What's up?

Oh, I told Chris about the blocked drain.
He said he'd come over and take a look.

- Yeah, yeah. Somebody call a plumber?
- Yep.

Well, you could've asked me, Bertie.

Yeah, but you know,
you were out for the day,

and you did just literally say
you couldn't fix it.

Yeah, well, not everybody has
a drain g*n thing.

- But...
- Uh, it's a drain snake.

Yeah, well, I would've figured it out.

Um... You know, I can go and...
You can borrow this, if you want.

It is pretty easy.

This thing just comes out
and then it will grab the hair...

No, no, no. Stay.
Uh, we can fix it together.

- We'll use the, uh, the snake. Cool.
- Okay.

So, Mickey, what'd you think?
Thank you, Father. Did you like it?

Don't grill her about this stuff.

Thank you, Father.

- I thought it was nice, very peaceful.
- I saw you took communion.

Was that bad? Gus told me I shouldn't.

No, it's just, you know,
Catholics think that the bread and wine

is Jesus' actual body and blood.
So I just wanted you to be aware.

That's why I want to try it. It's like
Anthony Bourdain eating a cow's brain.

I liked that you tried it.

Me, too. It's good to try everything once.

Oh, and what about Father Tom?
Isn't his sermon good? He's so smart.

You think he's cute.
Your mother has a crush on our priest.

- I don't. Stop saying that.
- You said he was handsome.

Just 'cause you asked me.
I mean, he's okay. He's no Jimmy Smits.

So, Gus,
you get to church much in LA or...

Oh, yeah. No, I try to.

Dude, come on. Do you even believe in God?

All right, all right. Let's not have
the Spanish Inquisition.

- We'll see you at home. Okay?
- Okay, yeah.

I want to show Mickey a few spots
around town

so I'm gonna give her a quick tour
and we'll be back.

- All right.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- See you.

- I've never seen you go to church.
- Yeah. I was lying.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

- All right, all fixed.
- Beautiful, thank you.

- Yeah.
- Uh, yeah. Thanks, Chris.

Well, I think I'm gonna take off.

All right, cool, yeah.
I'm gonna shower now that it's fixed.

- Okey-dokey.
- Cool.

- All right, have a good day, bud.
- Yeah. See you, dude.

All right, see you.

Hey, does he know about us?

- It seemed like he was jealous.
- Oh, no.

I think he's jealous of how quickly
you fixed the drain.

Which was amazing, by the way.

The way you were like...

- It was incredible.
- Thanks.

I just...

I don't think we should be hooking up
while you guys are still together.

Okay, but... what are you saying?

Well, if you break up with him,
then it wouldn't feel so wrong.

I want to break up with him.
It's just really, really hard.

But I like you so much.

I know. Me, too.

Uh...

Okay.

- I'm gonna go try and return this.
- Oh, okay.

- See you.
- Bye.

Over there is where my first job was.

- Aw!
- Yeah.

Hey, uh, Mickey, thank you so much,
by the way,

for pretending to like church
for my family.

- It meant a lot to them and me...
- No. I genuinely liked it.

- Oh!
- Why? You didn't?

No, I did not.

I think your family could handle it.
You should give 'em more credit.

I know you're all
buddy-buddy, best friends

with the Cruikshanks now, so sorry to...

What does this mean?

What? I don't know,

it's just like you're super into church
and g*ns and Cornhole.

I'm like, "Who is this person?"
I'm surprised. That's all.

You're weirded out that
I'm getting along with your family?

Because before we got here,
you're so concerned

that we weren't gonna get along.

And now that we are,
you're pissed about it?

I admit, it does not make sense.

I'm being weird here. It's fine.
You're right.

You know, right there is where I smoked
my first cigarette with my friends.

And then, right there

is where I immediately threw up chili
in front of my friends.

Look, I get it. You've got
your own history with your family,

but try to see them through my eyes
and you'll see how great they are.

Yeah. You're right, you're right.

And when we get back to the house,
just relax and try to enjoy 'em like I do.

You're very smart. Thank you.

- You're the smartest person I know.
- I know.

I mean, your friends are all idiots.
Ruby can barely speak.

- Give me the Super Soaker.
- No, it's mine.

- No, Dad bought it for me.
- He bought it for both of us.

No, he didn't.

- Oh, my God! Look at you!
- Oh, my God.

Why does this make me laugh so much?
This part right here...

I'm just glad this is a video before
I hit puberty and all hell broke loose.

Otherwise, you would have seen...

one big zit and a tiny little boner.

I'm glad we have evidence of this.

We can show it in court
for what a jerk you used to be.

I wasn't a jerk.
I called "no take backs."

You'd had your turn with it, Gus.

Hello, Cruikshanks.
Roll out the red carpet!

Oh, my God. Lina-bean. How's it going?

Good. Hi.

- Hi, hi. Hello. Hi, Dad.
- Hello, my little girl.

Hello, good to see you.

Hello. Hi, good to see you.

Oh, we missed you.

- We missed you.
- Okay. Yeah, right.

Caroline, this is Mickey.
Mickey, Caroline.

Hi! I've heard so many great things
about you.

Oh, good. So everybody's been getting
the payoff money, then?

Took care of it.

Oh, I see we pulled out a family classic
for our new guest.

But I was just thinking,
since you're both here in the flesh,

maybe we could, you know,
get a little bit of...

- Nope! No.
- Oh, my... Come on.

Wait a second. What is this?

Ever since they were little kids,
they put on a show. It's a great show.

Okay, it was cute,
and now it's just weird. So...

Grotesque is what it is.

Grotesque? I love grotesque. Come on, Gus.

Come on. Come on.
Come on, please. Come on.

- Okay.
- What? Gus, you caved!

- I got the outfits, let me get 'em.
- Gus, I will help.

He's Gus! He caved!

♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ I'm about to lose control
And I think I like it ♪

I think we're seeing a dress rehearsal.

♪ I'm so excited ♪

♪ And I just can't hide it ♪

♪ I'm about to lose control
And I think I like it ♪

Whoo!

- Bravo!
- Thank you.

- When they were little, it was so cute.
- It was like synchronized swimming.

It was still sad, but it was like...
cute sad Gus.

You all just watched us perform a song
about the joy of the female orgasm.

So... congrats.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I gotta go saw some logs.

- Good night, everybody.
- Yeah, I'm exhausted.

I'll grab Nina,
make sure she doesn't wake.

Actually, everybody, before you go,

we have a little bit of news
that we wanted to announce,

and I was gonna wait
for Andrew to get here,

but I don't want to...

- like, overshadow the party tomorrow, so...
- Just say it.

- We're having a baby boy.
- What?

That's great!

That's awesome. Congratulations.

A grandson, how about that?

- Thank you.
- You're gonna be busy!

Gus, they're lapping us.

I know. It's like pump the brakes, guys.
You're making us look bad.

Well, it doesn't have to be that way.
How about catching up a little?

Maybe we could expect
some grandchildren, Gussie?

Oh...

No, don't hold your breath.

What does that mean?

What? No, I just mean, like,

I don't even think we could handle that.
That's crazy. So crazy.

Why would you say that?

I mean, maybe in four years or something.

Gus, you just stepped in it, bro.

Stepped in it,
I don't think I might have...

- You feeling good and everything?
- Yeah, I feel good.

Good, you look really good.

So, um, I'm setting my alarm for nine.
What time are you gonna get up?

Is it, like, you're not talking to me,
or...

"Don't hold your breath"?

For what?

No, that's what you said
to your mom and your dad.

"Don't hold your breath"? That is so rude!

- Well, it was a joke.
- It was a mean and shitty joke.

Okay, maybe it was a bad joke,
but I didn't mean it, so...

- You said I shouldn't have children.
- In four years.

I said that because
I knew you would get upset.

- So I was like, "Well, in four years."
- Four years? What does that mean?

In four years...

we figure out
if we're having a kid or not. I just...

What? But why?

Why four years in this master plan
that you've concocted for my life?

You're making it sound like
way worse than what it actually is.

I just mean, like, in four years
we'll have a better...

- understanding of...
- Of?

Just say it. Will you just say it?

Your sobriety.

We'll know if you're sober or not.
I don't know.

So you don't think
I'm gonna be sober in four years.

And you don't want
to have children with me.

I didn't say that.

You told me that last week
you almost drank, okay?

So when I hear that,
it makes me scared about, like...

- "Okay, where's this going?"
- I get it.

"Is she gonna drink in a week,
two weeks or a year? I don't know."

How do you think sobriety works?

You think in four years
I couldn't fall off the wagon?

You think in ten years
I couldn't fall off the wagon?

You think in 20 years
I couldn't fall off the wagon?

There are no guarantees.

All I can promise you is right now

- I am trying as hard as I f*cking can.
- Okay.

So it doesn't make me feel very good
that now you're backing away.

You can no longer see a future with me

because I told you
I almost but didn't drink last week.

- Mm-hmm.
- That was a really shitty moment for me.

But you know what?

I felt proud of myself after that,
'cause I didn't drink.

And if you can't see that as a victory,
and now you're just nervous and scared,

"Oh, God, she's not the right person
to have a kid with,"

then what are we doing?
I can't look at you.

You are being such a d*ck right now.

You ask me to be honest all the time
and then when I'm honest...

If that's really how you feel...

then maybe we shouldn't be together.

What? Come on. I didn't...

You know, that's not what I...

Maybe we just shouldn't be
in a relationship then.

You're really gonna do this right now
while we're back at my parents' house?

You're gonna f*cking
start talking about breaking up?

You brought it up with your shitty joke.

I didn't bring up breaking up.
You brought that up.

No. But how you really feel about me
is grounds for breaking up.

Okay, come on. Let's just...
We're getting upset.

I think there's a lot of pressure
with families and stuff.

- Let's just relax, okay?
- No, I'm not relaxing.

Get out! I don't want to sleep
in the same bed as you.

I'll f*cking scream if you don't get out.

Randy, I think we should break up.

- f*ck!
- What the f*ck?

- What the f*ck?
- What?

I didn't know you were here.
I'm sorry, man.

- Yeah, I got in, like, 30 minutes ago.
- Jesus.

Did you just fart?

- Yeah, you startled me. I just farted.
- Ugh.

- I'm sorry. Good to see you. I'm just...
- See you.

You don't have to do that.
It's not that bad.

♪ I'm not calling for a reason, dear ♪

♪ And the reason is because ♪

♪ There is no reason I should call you ♪

♪ Because your love, my darling
I have lost ♪

♪ You and I used
To love each other, dear ♪

♪ Do you remember way back then? ♪

♪ But now, somehow
Our love has lost its power ♪

♪ We'll never get it back again ♪

♪ I'm not completely sure
I'm sorry, darling ♪

♪ When I get angry, then I'm glad ♪

♪ I'm happy that it's finally over ♪

♪ But when I'm not mad, then I'm sad ♪

♪ I've noticed that you
Never call me darling, darling ♪

♪ I understand the reason why ♪

♪ There is no reason
You should call me darling, darling ♪