01x12 - Win, Luthor, Draw

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Powerless". Aired: February 2017 to May 2017.
"Powerless" follows the the staff of an insurance company, that specializes in products for ordinary humans who are poised to be victims of the battles between superheroes and supervillains.
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01x12 - Win, Luthor, Draw

Post by bunniefuu »

Oh, my God. It is such a beautiful day.

Oh, I didn't realize you
could see the river from here.

[SIGHS] What's that up in the sky?

Is it a bird?

Is it a plane?

Oh, it's a little man.

Land dwellers, feel the
wrath of the Sea Troll!

[expl*si*n BOOMS]

You seriously can't tell the
difference between a bird and a plane?


As many of you know, Alma is
retiring after 40 years here.

- Yeah, Alma!

There is no shortage to the anecdotes...

the wonderful anecdotes
from that time...


Anyway, here is a $25 gift
card to Burrito Gigante.

- Ohh.
- That's about one burrito

for every seven years you worked here.

One Gigante burrito.



She's been here that long
and that was her sendoff?

- What, no dinner? No party?
- If it helps, I stole a bunch of pills

from her desk, but I
could put them back.

That's a good start,
Wendy, but this is...

- Unacceptable?
- Yeah!

And you're gonna do something about it?

We've been working together
for such a short time,

and yet, you know me so well.

Van, I wanna talk to you
about this whole Alma thing.

Oh, come on.

It was 20 years ago. We were snowed in.

She taught me things.

BOTH: What?

No, we need to give her
a proper retirement party.

Just have Corporate throw
down a little cash and we...

Let me stop you there.
You know what happens

when you ask Corporate for money?

They ask you, "What
happened to the other money?"

And then suddenly, all of
your lavish sushi lunches

turn into regular sushi lunches.

Have you ever had regular
sushi? It's just okay.

Okay, come on.

We're supposed to be a family.

And we should look out for each other.

Which is it? We're a family
or we look out for each other?

So you're saying you don't
wanna do something extra

- for your oldest employee?
- No.

- Oh.
- Look, I am trying to climb the corporate ladder.

I've already stepped on those rungs.

You do not get to Gotham
by helping people below you.

That's why you suck up.

- This is...
- Unacceptable, I know. Get out.


I wanna eat at Lavish Sushi today.

Jackie, what is wrong with Van?

Raised by his nanny, doesn't read books,

still quotes "Borat."

Okay, a boss is supposed
to care about his employees.

At my father's flower shop,

any time someone
celebrated an anniversary,

he would give them a
big gift and a cake.

Wow, I wish someone
would give me a prize

- for not k*lling myself.

Where I grew up, there
was a sense of community,

of the greater good.

Oh, my God. You grew up in a cult.

- No, Kansas.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

At least the sex is good in a cult.

Let me do you a favor.

You're never gonna get far in life

unless you look out for yourself.

No, that's not true.

My dream is to be the
next Archibald Stylus.

He runs the Wayne Foundation and
all they ever do is help people.

Yeah, he's also the d*ck who turned
my corporate Christmas present

into a donation in my name.

Your gift gave an impoverished
woman a cell phone and a goat.

Screw her. I want a bathrobe.

Hey, you know who wants a bathrobe?

My wife! [LAUGHS]

It is so forced.

He's not even married.

Ugh, I can't believe I have to
retest these motion detectors.

When did Chinese orphans getting
paid less than a dollar a day

stop taking pride in their work?

What the hell is that?

Oh, it's for my grandma.

She met a guy online
that lives in Metropolis.

Oh, you better watch out. She
might be getting catfished.

Oh, she's definitely getting
catfished, because it's me.

What? It makes her happy.

Plus, I always avoid the sex questions.

Anyway, I mean, she has arthritis.

So it's hard for her to take selfies.

I control it with my brain. It
senses when I'm at my most confident

so it always takes the perfect selfie.


See? Like that.

Holy crap. Ron, this is amazing.

You could do something
really special with this.

I am. I'm giving it to my grandma.

No, no, no. You can't be serious.

Don't I look serious?


[LAUGHS] Well, I hope the
surprise is that someone

found my blood pressure pills.

ALL: Happy retirement!


Oh, is this for me?

Of course. It's the least we could do.

You are part of the family, Alma.

That's why we all chipped
in and got you a gift.

- Did you?
- I don't remember that.

- I don't have any money.
- I didn't put in no money.

It's heavier than it looks.

- Is it a retirement diamond?

I don't know what it is,
but it's definitely not that.

Oh, yeah, well.

It's not, right?

They are olives from the town
in Italy that you grew up in.

Oh, I haven't had
these since I was a kid.

Thank you, Emily.

Of course. But it wasn't just me.

It was a group effort.
We all helped out.

I don't understand. Why did
you do this and not take credit?

It's called caring for other people.

Fine. Don't tell me.

Is this stupid thing still happening?

Oh, ha, there's that Van wit.

Looks like we're moving
on to the roasting part

of the retirement party.

- Get back to work!
- Sorry.

Well, thank you everyone.
And I'll think of you all

working away here when I'm
holding my new grandbaby.

Land dwellers, prepare to
taste the wrath of the sea!



Don't worry, everybody. I'm...

I'm fine.

- Oh, whoa!
- Aah!

- Oh!
- Oh, ah!

- Ohh.
- Oh!

Due to the Sea Troll's
transmorphic beam,

mm... Alma's right arm was
turned into a squid tentacle.

Now, because we care for her very much,

the cafeteria has taken
calamari off of the menu.

And we are passing around a card.

Evil spells, buried under
rubble... ah, sea monsters.

"Get Whale Soon."

- Mm.
- Okay, this is BS.

Van used her as a human shield,

and he's just giving her a card.

I hear Alama's gonna have
to spend eight hours a day

with her arm in a salt water aquarium.

We need to do something for her.

Like get her a castle?

No. I was thinking maybe
something a little more.

Oh, like one of those little
divers that makes bubbles?

No, I was thinking of something
a little less aquarium related.

I actually think she
looks sexier with that arm.

She'd be huge in Japan. [CLICKS TONGUE]

Van, I am not leaving this
room until you do right by Alma.


I want to give her a ton of money.

She's a hero. Did you see

how she flung herself in front of me

to stop the Sea Troll's blast?

Wow, I'm so glad you feel that way.

I'm gonna need verbal confirmation

that that is what you saw.


You do not get to the top
of the corporate ladder

- by getting sued.
- Oh, my God.

So this is just you
protecting your own ass?

Are you wearing a wire?
Legally, you have to tell me.

Okay, you know what?

Just write me a check.

Then you'll keep quiet?

- No, it's for Alma.
- Then she'll keep quiet?

- Sure.
- Well played.


There have been att*cks across the city,

as the Sea Troll continues
his destructive search

for Blackbeard's sword.

In unrelated news, the
Natural History Museum

is opening a special exhibit
of pirate treasure this week.

Okay. I was up all night working.

And I turned this into this.

Tada! Streamlined it. Made a
few tweaks. What do you think?

Uh, I think Grandma's gonna lose
this controller in the couch cushions.

That's not for Grandma. I made
you a market-ready prototype

- so you can sell this.
- Hey, hold up. I told you I wasn't interested.

But you could make a fortune. You
can finally get out of this place.

Why would I wanna do that?

Oh, I don't know. So you're
not stuck here for 40 years

with nothing to show for
it but a jar of olives?

Hey, I love olives.

And Teddy, I think you might be
projecting your fears onto me.

There's no projection.

- I've been here the next longest after Alma.
- Really?

Man, you are very well preserved.

- You don't even look like you h*t puberty.
- Thank you.

Wait... Ron, I want you to become
rich and famous so you can come back

and get me out of here and
save me from the death olives.

I don't know what that means.

Look, Ron, has it ever occurred to you

that this relentless
contentment that you feel

is really just deep, deep,
deep denial of your dream?

No, I'm gonna have to deny that.

- Whoa.
- See?

Everyone wants something.

I mean, I guess I've always
wanted to climb Everest.


And with this invention,
you can make enough money

to pay for a bunch of people that
look like me to drag you to the top.

Okay. Well, maybe I
have gotten complacent.

You know what? I'm in.



Whoo! Look at those handsome men.

- I can see why your grandma's into you.
- Oh, yeah.

Ooh, where did this treasure
trove of treats come from?

Well, Van wrote a check because
he didn't wanna get sued.

Then I got Wayne Security
to provide matching funds.

I wish I'd been in an emotionally
scarring and horrific accident.

- I know, right?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God! You guys,
you shouldn't have!

Yes, they got you a
"Get Well Alma" banner.

- Oh.
- Oh!

Poor, old, sweet, heroic Alma.

You know, she threw herself
right in front of me.

Yes, you have firmly
established your alibi, sir.

Good. Wow, this is a impressive,

glittering pile of crap.

- Well done, Emily.
- Well, it wasn't just me. It was a team effort.



Oh, my God, there she is.

She smells like day-old fish sticks.

Hey, Alma! Looking good.

Oh I don't know how to thank you guys.

We'd love to get a quick photo.

The Gotham office was very impressed

with this display of generosity.

You're with the Gotham
office. Which floor?

- 96.
- Oh!

That's where the fruit
is cut fresh every day.

Yep, so who's responsible for this?

Well, really, it was team effort.

Yeah, and I am the leader of that team.

I'm Vanderveer Wayne. Nice to meet you.

Generous fella and fruit lover.

- Well, let's get a photo.
- Yes, great!

Let's get it with you.
Now, don't crowd Alma!

For... get out of the...
Please, look at her.

She's malformed. Let's do a handshake.

- Oh, okay.
- [GAGS]

- There we go.
- He just took all the credit

for everything you did.

Even with your "Sound
of Music" upbringing,

that has to bother you.

Look, I didn't do it for the credit.

Look how happy Alma is.
That's why I did this.

- There we are.
- Excuse me.

Is this Wayne Security?

Oh, my God. You're Archibald Stylus.

You owe me a bathrobe.

- Archibald.
- Whoa.


This is Vanderveer Wayne.

He's responsible for all of this.

Ah, I was so touched by your amazing

outpouring of generosity
that the Wayne Foundation

is honoring you with
the key to the city.

Well. Do I have to do anything?

[CHUCKLES] Just come to our awards gala.

Ah, maybe let me take you out to lunch.

Yes for the first one.

- No to the second one.

Generous and a great sense of humor.

I can see why that woman
took a b*llet for you.

And she did so quite willingly.

- BOTH: Mm.
- Quite willingly.

Yes, of course.

Emily, isn't that your personal hero?

- Yep.
- The man you dream of working for?

- Yes.
- Right here,

showering Van with praise
for something you did?

- Yes.
- Well...

it's a good thing that you
don't care about credit,

because otherwise this
would really bother you.

Hey, did everybody see the newsletter?

I mean, it's silly,
really. It's just a pamphlet

with my face on it that every
person in the company sees.

Yeah, right before they
spit out their gum in it.

Yeah, a lot of very important
people chew gum, Emily.

And they're the key to the fruit floor.

Jackie, I want it framed
and put in the lobby.

I will hang it right next to the picture

of you meeting Vin Diesel
in the Dallas airport, sir.

I'm still surprised that
our similarity of names

didn't lead to more of a conversation.

Ooh, did you see?

I even made the crossword.
Look, ten down, ten down.

"Large multi-person
vehicle." Three letters.

It's bus. "Vanana" is not a fruit.

Oh, Emily, I think you might
have a blood sugar problem.

Jackie, could you get us both
a couple of "vanana" smoothies?

Did it ever occur to you that
a lot of people in this office

chipped in for Alma and maybe
they'd like Corporate to know?

- She's talking about herself.
- Mm.

No, I am not.

I have always said the only
applause a truly good person needs

is the b*ating of their own heart.

Wow, what an odd thing for
someone to have always said.

Everyone in this office
chipped in. I mean,

Wendy made a basket.

Okay, I think I know
what you little piggies

are rooting around for.

Yes, I can get you a table to the gala.

No, Van. That is not good enough.

Is there free food and booze?

God, I sometimes forget
how poor you people are.

- Yes, there will be.
- Uh!

Okay, I think we have
a little more respect

- for ourselves...
- We're in!

- Oink, oink, oink, oink.


Open bar? Sounds like a challenge, mmm.

Who are all the squares
in the VIP section?

Oh, just the greatest
philanthropists in the world.

- More like philathro-stiffs.

- Admit it, this is k*lling you.
- Not at all.

The important thing is, we
helped what's-her-face with the

squid thing. [CRUNCHING, CRACKING]

You just ate a toothpick.

This room is full of the most
successful businessmen in Charm City.

We're gonna pitch them your drone.

Or we can figure out which
door these tiny burgers

are coming from and cut
them off at the pass.

Ron, okay, I know you're nervous.

But I had this dream that
one day I come to work

- and you're not in your cubical.
- Am I in the bathroom?

- No, you just got up and left.
- Oh, no, that seems out of character for me.

Okay, fine. You gave two weeks notice,

we had a cake, it was
emotional, I cried.

Now stop stalling. I
have a perfect opener.




Excuse me?

Could we have a moment of
your time to pitch you an idea?

- Sure.
- Eh?

So, this drone, it reads your
brain's electrical impulses

so it can sense both
your mood and attitude

uh, to take the perfect selfie,

as it will read my confidence.

Wow. That's amazing.

If that really works, I will
write you a check right now

that will change your entire life.

My entire life? Uh,

that's a lot of my
life to change. I mean,

that must be a very big check.


I'ma just head over to
the tiny burger door.


And now, the Wayne
Foundation's unsung hero,

- Mr. Vanderveer Wayne.

Friends and colleagues,

I believe co-workers
should stick together

harder than Alma's
disgusting calamari arm

would wrap around the neck of a seal,

dragging it to the depths to drown it.

- Because I care about people.

Can you believe people
are buying this crap?

Now, there's someone who deserves
to share this key with me,

and not just because I found out
it really doesn't open anything.

I mean, nothing! Nothing.

But without her,

none of this would be possible.

Now, she thinks I've
forgotten her, but I haven't.


Why don't you just
come up on stage, here?

[LAUGHS] Van, that is so sweet,

but I didn't do it for the recognition.

That's great... because

I wasn't talking about you.

Ehh! I was talking about Alma,
the one who saved my life.

- Oh, my.


- Oh, my life!

Whoo! Oh! Oh, sorry sweetie.

- Oh, my.

Some people, huh? Am I right?

Don't, you know... listen,

I know you can't clap anymore 'cause
of that disgusting calamari arm,

but I have always said

that the only applause a good person
needs is the sound of the b*ating

of one's own heart.

Van, that is the most beautiful and

personal description of
giving I've ever heard.

Hey, that is my line! Me!

I did all of this! It was all me!

Okay, that [BLEEP] piece of
[BLEEP] only got off his ass

when he was afraid he'd get sued!

I mean, he used her as
a human [BLEEP] shield!


But really, it's all about Alma, right?



Everyone, take cover!

- It's the Sea Troll!
- Oh, thank God.

- Unbelievable!
- A super villain

attacking the gala at a
natural history museum?


- Ah!

- Oh... how nice.

Everybody surrender to the Sea Troll.


Come on, hide!

All we want is ***.

And your valuables.

I don't think by valuables they
mean your BFF necklace from Claire's.

[SIGHS] I feel really
ashamed of my behavior.

I've done far worse. I
once bet my dentist $20

that he didn't have the b*lls
to sh**t a lion on safari.

He did. He did.

Look, if you wanted credit,
you should've just taken it.

No, but that's wrong.

A good person shouldn't need credit.

Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Why do you think that Superman
has that big S on his chest?

Do you think that Batman puts
that bat logo on his boomerangs

'cause it helps them fly? No.

They wanna brand themselves

so that people know who it
is to advance their careers.

Crimson Fox is here to save you.


Case in point.

Look, if you wanna run
the Wayne Foundation,

you had better step into the spotlight.

Do you think that Beyoncé
would be selling our arenas

if she had remained one
of Destiny's Children?

Maybe you're right.

And I don't wanna end up like
what's-her-face or the other one.

Exactly. There you go.

You want credit for the
things you do and that's okay.

I took credit for something
I had nothing to do with.

- That's okay, too.
- No, actually, it's not.

- Oh, yeah.

So it has a few glitches, all
right? We'll work on it together

- and we'll get them next time.
- Will you stop it?

Just stop it, Teddy. I lied to you.

I don't wanna climb Everest,
and the drone knew it.

Well, why didn't you just tell me that?

Well, it seemed to make you so
unhappy to think I was happy.

So I pretended to be
unhappy to make you happy

because seeing you happy makes me happy.

Oh, my God. I can't take
it. I'm over here, Sea Troll.

I have your sword. Take me!

I mean, sure,

there's times at work where
I'm frustrated or bored.

I mean, I'm not a
robot. HR tests for that.

- Yeah.
- But I don't mind.

'Cause I get to work with you.

Wow, Ron.

You are such a weirdo. Bring it in.


Kathy, I heard about your hysterectomy.



Van, what was that?

You inspired me.

I realized that they
threw an entire gala for me

because they thought that
I cared about someone.

Can you imagine what I could get

if I pretended to care
about a lot of these people?

- That's... that's not exactly...
- Just take the win.

Hey, Ryan! I love the new perm.

So it seems all that press you
embarrassed yourself in front of

actually caught something else.

"Unsung Hero Saves
Philanthropist Vanderveer Wayne."

Are you gonna tell the paper it was you?

Well, maybe I will.

Doesn't make me a bad
person to want credit.

Oh, hey, Jackie.

Thanks so much for driving me to
the doctor every day last week.

Don't mention it.

Okay, I know you can't hear it,

but my heart is applauding you.

Stop it, or I'll cut it out of you.

- Gimme a hug!
- No.

Oh, come...



Ha. That's funny.
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