02x01 - Lesson One: Think Quick!

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Tick". Aired: August 2016 to April 2019.*
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In a world where superheroes have been real for decades, an accountant with zero powers comes to realize his city is owned by a super villain. As he struggles to uncover this conspiracy, he falls in league with a strange blue superhero, "The Tick".
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02x01 - Lesson One: Think Quick!

Post by bunniefuu »

Arthur...

Arthur.

Arthur!

Help, Tick!

We're part
of a plan that's bigger

than the both of us.

Maybe destiny is real.

Oh, she's real, chum.

I think I got to do this, Tick.

Oh, God.

Oh, I had a flying dream.

No surprise there.

You've got a flying life, fella.

I think it means something.

Indeed.

Yesterday you bested
your nemesis.

Today you wake anew, ready to
begin following the hero's way.

- I think you're right, Tick.
- What?

- I'm in.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Fantastic!

And I shall be your teacher,
stern but fair.

Together we shall explore
the rigors of extreme learning.

What is this?

Oh, you found another one.
Great.

Wait. What? Tick.

Tick.

Wha-What happened?

I don't know, but I like it.

You've-you've changed again.

Everything's changed, fella.

The Terror's been uprooted,
The City is free,

and you are finally ready.

We shall commence
training immediately.

Ok-Okay.

I have been itching to hone
that danger reflex of yours.

- Arthur.
- Tick?

- Arthur.
- Tick.

- Think quick.
- What?

We'll be working
on that one a lot, chum.

In the Netherlands this morning,

Superian delivered
the frozen super-villain

into the custody
of the World Court.

Meanwhile, authorities in
The City are still on the hunt

for The Terror's accomplices.

- Hey, dumb-ass.
- What?

Mm.

Let me help you with that.

Aah!

I'm taking your go-kart.

The
World Court Council in The Hague

will put The Terror on trial

for nearly a century
of crimes against humanity.

Trial?! What are they gonna do
next, unfreeze the motherf...?

The council is also considering
a motion to thaw out The Terror

- in accordance with due process.
- Ugh!

I-I still don't understand.
So you're molting?

Is this like a superhero thing?

- Must be if I'm doing it.
- Thanks.

Oh, wonder what it means.

I wish I knew.

The mystery of me is an onion
with many leaves.

Yeah, well, we should probably
try to figure that onion out

at some point.

Hey, what's with
the crazy outfit, man?

We need you in your wingsuit.

Tick, look, I-I'm gonna do
this superhero thing with you,

but I need to do it my way,
which means going to work.

Not the pretend job again.

- It's a real job with real money.
- Money is just paper.

Look, Fishladder & Sons
is reopening today.

Part-time superheroes.

I'm bringing the suit with me,

okay, right here
in this briefcase.

That way, if anything happens...

"If" is always "when"
in evil's book, fella.

Tick, I-I need you
to understand.

I don't really
have savings per se.

Um, coffee. Coffee.

You like coffee, right?

Love it. Love it.

Right, so, no job...

no money, no coffee,
no apartment...

Then no coffee.

And let the sky be our roof.

- Now, Arthur.
- What?

- Think quick.
- Okay, Tick, I really have to...

Aah!

Solid landing, chum.

That's a good start. Ah.

There's another one.

See, when destiny jumps
off the bridge, so do you.

You leap, then you look.

Okay, Tick, I'll be back
by 6:00, all right?

Jesus. God, can't you knock?

And give up
the element of surprise?

- Yes. Give that up.
- Where's The Tick?

Overkill. How we doing?

- Let me k*ll people.
- Still in the woods, eh?

I'm not in the woods.
I'm in a complete shutdown.

You can't just take
m*rder away from me.

Apparently I can and I did.

If Overkill can't k*ll people,
then he's over, man.

Overman. I like it.

I don't need a new name, you
big, blue jackass. -

- I need lethal capacity.
- Hello?

Is Overkill there yet?

He has been on a tear
all morning.

Oh, uh, Dangerboat, yeah.

He's here.
Do you need something?

I was just wondering...

have you ever seen
The Princess Bride?

- Uh, the movie?
- It's so good, isn't it?

I was thinking
of watching it again

one of these nights.

So you're saying I should
unwish my no-k*ll wish

because you only k*ll people
who deserve it?

That is exactly what I'm saying.

Still sounds m*rder-y.
I don't like it.

What do you think, chum?
Do you like it? -Uh, wh-what?

Tell him I can't be
an effective force for change

unless I maintain
lethal capability.

Okay, uh, you know what,
everybody, um,

I-I really got to get to work.

Sure. O-Okay. So what night
do you want to come over?

You know what, Dangerboat?
It's-it's-it's just that, uh,

things are a little crazy
right now.

We're still sort of trying
to settle into a schedule

between patrol and my job,

- so maybe I can get back to you on that one?
- As you wish.

Okay. Uh, I'm getting another call.

I should take that.

That's what Westley says
to the princess.

- He says, "As you wish."
- Okay. Okay, bye.

Hi, Mom.

Hello, honey.

What are you trying to do?

Turn me into a g*dd*mn Buddhist?

Boots, shoes, it's not
about the footwear, man.

It's about the path.

- Do you have guests?
- Uh, I wouldn't say guests.

Mom, I'm actually running
a little late for work.

- Say hi to Arthur.
- Walter said to say hi.

How are his feet?

Great. Okay. It's just it's
my first day back at work.

I need to k*ll.

You need a hug.

What was that? Don't do that.

Hug fight!

- Get away from me.
- Hug fight!

I'm making dinner tonight,

a family dinner,
and Walter and I want to know

if you and Tick will come.

I called Dot.
She's not picking up,

but I'm sure she'll come.

I just want us
to sit as a family

- and-and eat and share...
- You know you want it,

come on.
and know we're all okay.

- No k*lling!
- No hugging.

Yeah, I think we're okay, Mom.

Who knows what we are?

Who knew you were flying around
fighting crime?

I sure didn't.

That's a big thing
to not know about your son.

That's a big secret.

I don't want secrets
in this family, Arthur.

I don't.

Okay, well, that's fine
because now you know everything.

So what time is good
for you two tonight for dinner?

How about we get
off the phone now

a-a-and then we can be
over there at 8:00?

That's great, honey.

Evening patrol's at 7:00, fella.

Fine. Let's, uh, make it 8:30.

Okay, I really need
to go, Mom, to work.

- Okay.
- Okay. I love you. Bye.

So this is how it is?

Yes. That is how it is.

Then I'll come with you
to this workplace.

We're a team.

Together,
we'll balance those books

and be free all the faster.

I'll be back at 6:00.

Why don't you make
another pot of coffee

and try not to break anything?

Hmm.

Hey, uh, Kevin?

Buddy? What-what
are we looking at here?

We're being watched.

Some kind of sophisticated
surveillance drone.

Very cagey.

I think they might
be coming for us.

Uh, I think we're probably okay.

All right then, uh, good talk.

Ooh, who's a good boy, yeah?

To understand
the pro-thaw argument,

we spoke to noted professor
of legal ethics.

Dr. James McCandliss.

McCANDLISS:
Only by raising The Terror

to 98.6 degrees
can we avoid being lowered

- to his level...
- Here you go.

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, can I get
a large latte?

To understand
the pro-thaw argument...

Ooh, who's a good boy, yeah?

We spoke to noted professor
of legal ethics.

Dr. James McCandliss.

McCANDLISS:
Only by raising The Terror

to 98.6 degrees can we avoid...

Here you go.

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, can I get
a large latte?

What the hell was that?

I... I don't know...
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

- I'm so... I'm so sorry.
- What are you, crazy?

No, I, um, uh,
let-let me get you new ones.

Can I get... can I get
two more of those, please?

- I'll cover...
- I just bought these shoes.

Um, they're awesome, but I can...
You, do you want a scone?

Two. Two scones.

Can I get two scones, please?

Arthur. Okay.

They said you came in.

All right.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

Yeah, you know,
back and ready to work.

Ah. Well, okay.

Uh, so let me just sit here,
and we can talk about it.

Talk about it?
What, what do you mean?

Maybe about whether
you've had any, I don't know,

newsworthy moments recently?

Any dangerous, violent,
wildly public encounters?

Maybe you could tell me
what's in this briefcase here.

Uh, now don't...

Arthur, if I open this,

am I gonna see some kind of...
bunny outfit?

No, you won't.

Good, good.

It's more of a moth outfit.

Moth-inspired.

I'm sorry, I just,
I-I th... I thought,

'cause of the helmet
and the goggles,

that people wouldn't
put it together.

I'm no specialist here,
but perhaps if you chose

a superhero name that was
different than your actual name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.
That's-that's a good point.

Here's where we have
a little problem, or not.

It's a choice, really.

Here at Fishladder & Sons,

we're simply not insured
for your kind of hobby.

Hobby? It's not a hobby.
I'm-I'm trying to help people.

People also need help
with their taxes.

You know?

What I'm saying, Arthur,
is you have to choose.

You can stay here and be part
of the Fishladder team,

or you can be...
whatever that is.

But you can't be both.

But enough about Arthur.

Let's talk about you.

Arthur's sister.

Or Dot.

Shouldn't you be out

in your cool
white-and-red Dot-mobile?

My ambulance? Uh, yeah.

I, um... I called in.
I took a sick day.

Not that I am.

I don't know. Um, yeah, so,

I called in, and then I just
don't know what I'm doing.

So I decided to just
come talk to Arthur.

Siblinghood. I grok it.
More coffee?

Well, he's at
his workaday-Joe-job,

working on his secret identity.

He'll be back at 6:00.

Arthur?

Hey, guys.

- Arthur's back!
- Oh!

Hey.

I decided to, uh, fly home.

Good gravy, you're back.

- Early.
- Yeah, well, uh, Fishladder's

apparently doesn't like their
employees being superheroes.


So... I quit my job.

Right on!

- Yes, Dot, I quit my job.
- Okay.

Don't hit me, please.

No, man, shake my big blue mitt!

You're in it
all the way now, chum.

No secrets, no safety net.

All right, let's get on patrol.

I, uh, I just flew
halfway across town.

I need to hydrate first.
Can I meet you downstairs?

Copy that.

Um... Arthur?

Is he... is he hitting you?

No, no. No, no, no.

Well, yeah. I mean, he is,

but, you know,
he's honing my danger reflex.

It's fine, it's different.

Look, Dot, um...

You should know that Tick and I

are gonna be
superheroing together

- for the foreseeable future.
- Yeah, I know. Tick told me.

And I don't want to hear from
you about why that's a bad idea.

It's not.

Arthur, you were right.

I really think you are supposed
to do something important.

Are you, are you feeling okay?

You don't really sound
like you right now.

- I had this really weird day.
- Arthur!

Kevin says
we're losing daylight.

- I should go.
- Yeah, I get it.

Uh...

Oh, God.

Sorry. Been a little jumpy.

You surprised me.

Did you break into my house?

Thought about waiting outside.

Didn't want
to attract attention.

Have you been drinking?

No!

Yes.

Well, our first patrol was
a bit of a bust, I'm afraid.

Not one single wrongdoing
being wrong-done.

Yeah, I'm just glad we made it
to the bank before they closed.

- More paper, huh?
- Yeah, well, now that I'm unemployed,

this paper is gonna have
to last us for a while.

You know, Arthur,

you lost your job, your way
of life, because of us.

I thought I'd be happy about it,

but I just feel
all crinkly and hot inside.

Oh, Tick, come on, no.
Don't feel crinkly.

This was all my fault.

The second I decided to tell
those cops my real name,

all of this was bound to happen.

I just hope destiny
hasn't forgotten about us.

Yeah, I don't think destiny
could ever forget about you.

Thanks.

Hi. Uh, I'd like
to deposit these.

Oh, hey, it's The Tick
and Arthur.

I saw you guys on TV.
Nice going, you know?

- Oh, thanks.
- Thanks.

- Arthur Everest.
- Yeah, that's, uh, me.

Letting it all hang out, huh?
I like your style.

Oh, thanks.

I like his style, too.

Okay, nobody move!

Everybody stay wicked still,
this'll be over in a heartbeat.

Evildoers,

you face The Tick.

- Enough.
- Aah!

Holy chowder.

We got company.

Arthur, think quick!

Get out of here!

Hey! Stop right there.

Hey, sport.

'Chout.

Whoa...

Tick. What is that thing?

I don't know,
but I've almost unwrapped it.

Show yourself, you crusty fiend!

Okay.

Hi-yah!

Ha, ha!

Come back here.

Arthur, he went
into the ladies' room!

Onward! Quickly, chum!

He's escaping.

What? But in the s...
In the sewer?

It was like déjà vu,
but it wasn't.

For a second,
I was sure that this guy

was just about to spill
hot coffee on everyone.

So what did he do?

When you knocked it
out of his hand?

Oh, he looked at me
like I was crazy.

You're not crazy.

You're just processing.

The Terror shook all our cages.

I'm more than shook.

When I woke up this morning,
everything felt different.

I didn't want to go to work.

I wanted to go shake
The Terror's cage myself.

I wanted to go fight somebody.

I want to be the kind of person
who can actually do something

about the way things are.

I know exactly how you feel.

What are you talking about?

You're Overkill.

You're, like, this...

international super danger man.

Not anymore.

What?

My effectiveness,
as an operative,

it... it's been hamstrung,
because of the warrior's code.

I've lost one of my central
capacities, and I... it...

Doesn't matter. It's my problem.

- I'll deal with it.
- Oh, come on.

You can tell me.

No. I've been trained to lock
my problems in a mental glacier,

under a thousand tons
of solid mind ice.

- Mind ice.
- Yeah.

Sounds healthy.

Come on, fella!

Yeah, just give me a minute.

You know, we just ran through,
like, two miles of sewer.

More like five.

Oh, but did you see

all the spikes and claws
and scratchy bits?

That super-villain
was magnificent.

We must continue the hunt.

Yeah, we will, we will, okay?
Just tomorrow.

It's late, and I'm tired
and hungry and...

Oh, no.

Well, Joan, I think you can see
where this is going.

Those little shits.

I am sure Joan will understand

when she hears about
our cool new nemesis.

Who-who are you?

Impressive tussle back there.

Homely invader, you face
The Tick and Arthur.

Easy, big fella. I'm with AEGIS.

Agent Commander Ty Rathbone.

Ty... Ty Rathbone?

I wanted to put the old eyeball
on you two.

See what all
the hubbub is about.

Hub-hubbub about us?

Not many go against The Terror
and get to tell the tale.

Not many people are us,
secret agent man.

Seems like you two are putting
up your superhero shingle

in this town. Is that correct?

Oh, we got shingles, pal.

Tick, Tick, this is
Tyrannosaurus Rathbone.

He's the most decorated agent
in AEGIS history.

He's... I mean, you're,
you're the Ty Rathbone.

You're damn right.

City's been freed
from The Terror.

It's open season.
Criminals and crusaders

will be flooding in
from all over.

Means we're reopening
the local AEGIS branch.

Means we're reinstating
The Flag Five.

There's gonna be
a new Flag Five?

Son, you can bet your severely
leotarded ass there is.

You two boys want
to give it a sh*t,

you come by the office tomorrow,
first thing.

Yeah, uh, definitely.

Definitely, we will,
we will be there.

And get yourselves
a new front door.

City's about to start jumping
like a gerbil on a hot plate.

"Gerbil on a hot plate"?

No mi gusto.

Tick, I think that maybe...

I think that we've made it.
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