02x04 - Blood and Cake

[bunniefuu]

NEWS REPORTER: Last night,
in her crime fighting debut,

new hero Joan of Arc declared
w*r on the city's gangs...

Look, it's completely obvious.
She's hiding behind

the 28th so she can go after her
rivals without getting caught.

Or perhaps the "Arc" in Joan
of Arc is an arc of redemption.

Tick, you can't be serious.

Ah, the age-old tale
of story equilibrium.

Some villains become good,
some heroes become evil.

Some go... sideways.
Check it out.

NEWS REPORTER 2: I'm here
in Wyoming at Devils Tower

where Superian,
the world's first superhero,

has carved an effigy of himself

into one of our most stunning
natural wonders.

Oh, God, no.

NEWS REPORTER 2:
This baffling action

has inspired worldwide backlash.

Oh, no, no, no, no...

Megalo-mountaintops.

Somebody should have
a word with that guy.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

FLEXON: Well, look at this,
it's the vice squad.

Boy, you guys stay busy.

Still on the trail
of Lobstercules?

- We clashed with his henchman.
- Yeah, Donny.

He left this shoe behind
with all this gunk on it,

so I thought we'd drop it off
at the AEGIS lab,

get them to analyze it,
maybe find something on here

that can lead us
back to the sewers,

figure out where Lobstercules
is hiding.

Magic mud on the moccasin.

That old chestnut.

- Good call.
- Thanks.

Too bad the lab level is closed.

Why is the AEGIS lab
closed on a weekday?

Oh, the whole branch is in
an interdepartmental meeting,

all day.

Haven't you guys seen the news?

ARTHUR: Oh, right.

That.

AEGIS has a conniption fit

every time Superian has
a wobble in his wings.

And this is the biggest wobble
he's had in decades.

It's creepy. But, I mean,
what do you expect from someone

who tucks their cape
into the front of their pants?

Ooh. I know that guy.

Put that coffee down.

Bronze Star!

- You old plate of soup!
- (LAUGHS)

Come on.
We need to find a crime lab!

Tick, but it's not just the lab.

We need somebody who can
actually run the tests.

Maybe we don't need somebody.

We need some-boaty.

Oh, Tick, I don't know
if that's a good idea.

- I'm talking about Dangerboat.
- Yeah, no, I got it.

I get the sense that
Dangerboat is trying to...

be in a relationship with me.

Well, that's nice.

It's kind of awkward and weird.

You know, I just don't want
to confuse him or confuse me...

I'm already confused.

I mean, it's just a boat, right?

Arthur, I think you're being
a little unfair to DB.

Asking a favor
of someone can often

make them feel valued
and appreciated.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I wonder how that particular bee
got in Superian's bonnet.

Uh, maybe we should
just stay focused on the case.

♪ ♪

(GRUNTING)

Krav Maga. Not a bad strike.

Why do you keep breaking in
to my apartment?

Nothing's broken.

How long have you been
doing Krav Maga?

I started when I was 15.

I thought you were
supposed to be in Cuba.

What you said did things
to my mind, I...

I altered my contingencies.

- So you listened to me?
- No.

- I spoke to Rathbone.
- That's great. How'd it go?

He didn't send his
flying monkeys after me,

- so that was a nice surprise.
- Did he believe you?

I'm not sure.
But he said there'd been rumors.

The Duke may have survived.

Wait a minute.
So The Duke is yet

one more guy who was
widely believed to be dead,

while secretly being active
underground all this time?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Like The Terror?

- And like you?
- Sure. I guess, yeah. Look.

The Duke is out there,
and I think Dangerboat may have

caught his trail
online last night.

The M.O. matches exactly.

He started a new
black market business

selling high-end luxury items
to the ultra elite.

"Human furniture"?

That La-Z-Boy is a woman.

He's running
a human furniture ring?

Yeah.

I'm getting a mission ready.
I could use a little help.

I'm so up for a mission.

But I thought
you only work alone.

I did.
Until The Tick saved my life.

Now you realize
the importance of teamwork

- and connectedness.
- No. That's stupid.

Look, I need help because...

- I can't k*ll.
- What? Why?

I live by a code.

When someone saves your life,
you owe them your life,

until you can save
their life back.

But I can't save The Tick's life
because he's invulnerable.

So instead, he wished for me
to stop k*lling.

So Tick got a wish 'cause
he saved your life? -Yeah.

You know,
I saved your life, too.

Don't rub it in.

What I'm saying is that
you also owe me your life.

Or a wish or whatever.

So, maybe I can unwish
The Tick's wish

and let you k*ll again.

- You would do that?
- I don't know.

Am I screwing myself
out of a mission if I do?

No. It's still
a two-person plan, but now

I'll do the k*lling.
It works better that way.

That is better. Okay.

I hereby unwish Tick's wish.

(MAGICAL CHIMING)

You are officially
Overkill again.

Thank you.

Thanks.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SEABIRDS SQUAWKING)

DANGERBOAT: Please place
footwear on Dangertable

to begin wide-spectrum
residue analysis.

Thanks for your help,
Dangerboat.

Yeah. Thanks again.
Oh, and hey. I-I'm sorry

that we couldn't find the time
this week to watch the movie.

I understand.
Everybody is so busy these days.

Yeah. I don't want you thinking
that I'm only using you

for your on board crime lab.

DANGERBOAT:
I would never think that.

Now, what am I
looking for exactly?

Well, the shoe is the clue.

We're on the hunt for the
bank robbing Cinder-fella

- that lost it.
- So, my theory

is that Lobstercules
is hiding in the sewer,

which means his henchmen
must go down there.

So I'm hoping you can
analyze this for some data

to give us a better idea
of specifically

where their lair may be.

DANGERBOAT:
Analyzing. Want to watch

a movie while we wait?
A buddy flick, maybe?

Uh, how long is this gonna take?

A little while.
Lethal w*apon is a classic.

Or Tango & Cash?

You are so a Cash.

I'm more of a Tango
because I like to dance.

Hey, speaking of things
that boats don't do,

we saw a video
of your brethren...

Or sisteren... at AEGIS.

My what? -It was an airborne
fleet of Dangerboats.

Just like you,
but they could fly.

DANGERBOAT:
I don't... I'm not... I-I-I...

Uh, DB,
y-your scanner's glitching.

DANGERBOAT (DISTORTING):
I identify as a b-b-boat.

Sure, but can you fly?

I'll have Dangerboat pull intel
on the warehouse.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Dangerboat is helping us
on our mission.

DB, I need you on our mission.

W-What are the two of you
doing together?

And why-why are you
dressed like that?

I'm helping Overkill
with a problem.

Okay. Do not drag my sister
into your... danger business.

He didn't drag me
into anything Arthur.

I make my own decisions.

Yeah, well t-this
is a bad decision.

Stop pointing at people.
You look ridiculous.

- Okay, you know what?
- D-Don't grab me, either.

(WHIRRING)

DB, what's up with you?

DANGERBOAT (SKIPPING):
I identify as a boat.

Overkill,

there's something
different about you.

- No, there isn't.
- Yes.

Definitely an air.

A crackle of violent potential.

- Nah.
- DOT: What, Arthur?

I'm just here on my own mission
with Overkill.

I don't understand
why you're so upset.

You're here on your own mission?
With Overkill?

Yeah. -Okay, you know what?
You're out of your mind.

Because you cannot be going
on missions with Overkill.

You cannot be pretending
to be like him.

I'm not like him,
and I'm not pretending.

I know you and this is not you.

This is not who
you're supposed to be,

and this is not your story.

So, it's okay for you
to put on a costume

and help Tick save the day,
and I'm supposed to do what?

Just wait around
for you to call me

to play some dumb bit part
in your adventure?

I wouldn't call it a "bit part,"

but... yes,
that sounds more reasonable.

Guess what, Arthur?

This is my messed-up universe
just like it's yours,

only I'm gonna do something
about it before it's too late.

So you're gonna just bring
the whole universe into this?

- So you're gonna have the universe...
- Oh, my God.

- On your side, for the sake of an argument?
- Is that your problem?

- What are you looking at?
- Have you been k*lling people?

- No.
- Good.

But I can now, if I want to.

You promised you wouldn't!

And I kept that promise.

But then someone else
saved my life,

and they made me promise
to k*ll again.

- Oh, puh-lease.
- It's true.

- Who would do that?
- Tick, it was me.

- (SCOFFS)
- What?

ARTHUR: Oh, good move.

Dorothy Everest.

- (MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY)
- You un-wished my wish

and turned Overkill
into a k*ll genie?

- (MUSIC GROWING LOUDER)
- OVERKILL: I'm not a genie.

I'm an avenging avatar.

I am the darkness
within the light.

TICK: You're a liar with pants

- of crimson fire.
- ARTHUR: Wait a second.

Is that, uh...

is that "MacArthur Park"?

DANGERBOAT (DISTORTING):
This is X12 reporting for duty.

Someone left the cake out...

Dot, check the door. Quick.

(DANGERBOAT VOICE SKIPPING)

It won't open.

sh*t.

What's that?

♪ I don't think
that I can take it ♪

♪ 'Cause it took so long
to bake it ♪

The time we have left to live.

♪ That recipe again ♪

♪ Oh, no... ♪

I still can't believe
you took out Romeo.

(SIGHS):
Oh, Frank, it was beautiful.

Last night I zapped Romeo,

I cooked the Gill brothers
in their club,

and this morning
I took out Tony Temple.

- I'm on a roll.
- I got to say,

this superhero cover,
it's working.

Bet your ass it's working.

Edgelord, am I charged yet?
'Cause I'm ready

- to get out there.
- Another 20 minutes to full.

I think we should talk about
your social media presence.

Maybe we should talk
about the g*ng. You know?

I mean, me and the guys, we're
ready to get back out there.

We've got this cherry
warehouse gig, and we're ready

- to pull it today.
- Frank. We're busy.

Look, you've got Joan of Arc

knocking out
all of our competition.

We should start...
taking things for ourselves.

EDGELORD:
Social media loves you.

Your YouTube channel
is starting to blow up,

and I paid some Latvian hackers
to get you trending on Twitter.

"Blow up" and "trending"...
That's good, right?

Boss, I think we need to move

on the whole crime side
of this thing.

We've got an airtight plan.

Zero risk.

Go, Frank! Go! Go pull the job!

All right. I will.

(DOOR OPENS)

We should look
at these comments.

MISS LINT: "Why does Joan of Arc
look so familiar?"

- What the hell does that mean?
- You've been outed already.

It's just Internet rumor,
but we should get ahead of it

- all the same.
- Whoa, so people know that I'm Joan of Arc?

- But how? I'm wearing a mask.
- It might not help

that Joan of Arc
has been hitting

every one
of Miss Lint's criminal rivals.

Mm.

So it's time for me
to stop playing favorites.

♪ ♪

♪ MacArthur's Park is melting ♪

- (SONG CONTINUES)
- Dangerboat? Hello?

Can you hear me?
Come in, Dangerboat!

Come on, DB, wake up, wake up.

You can yell all you want,
he won't hear you.

Just tell us
what the hell is going on.

Dangerboat's prepping
to fully self-sanitize.

He'll preheat his coils,

he'll light up his interior
to 1,800 degrees.

In a few hours,
there'll be no more grime,

no more germs, no more us.

- But why?
- Why?

Because one of you two jackasses
triggered him.

Easy there, Mr. Killy Britches.

We didn't do anything, okay?
He was just helping us

- with some research, a-and then that's it.
- That can't be it.

If that were it,
this wouldn't be happening.

Guys, cut it out. This
isn't helping anything. Just...

Why would Dangerboat be going
into self-sanitize mode?

DB's got...

PTSD issues.

He's not 100% stable.

You have to be careful
how you treat him,

what you say to him,
how you look at...

So something we said
hurt his feelings?

- I am aghast.
- How is that possible, though?

I mean, he's just a boat.

You of all people know
that's not true.

What the hell
did you say to him?

Um, well, we were, we were
talking about buddy films,

and then, uh, shoes,
spectrum analysis, uh...

you asked him about the other
troop carriers of AEGIS...

- AEGIS?
- Yeah, when we registered.

- You what?
- You fools registered at AEGIS?

Yeah, we saw all the flying
Dangerboats on their videos,

and I asked DB
if he could fly...

Idiots! -And that's when
he started glitching.

Don't ever ask Dangerboat
why he doesn't fly.

Clearly, this is something
that's happened before.

Yeah. Once.

We had an argument.

But I was outside.

I was yelling at him
from the pier,

then he just... shut down.

He went offline
until he cooked himself clean.

When I got back in,
the place was spotless

and everything was gone.

All my clothes,
my shaving kit, my CDs.

- ("MACARTHUR'S PARK" CONTINUES)
- Everything but the Fo-Ham.

- Fo-Ham's invincible.
- Well, we're not,

so let's get out of here.

- Tick, rip the door off.
- Roger that.

No. Stop. DB's in panic mode.

You breach his outer hull
when he's like this,

he'll go up like
a Tijuana firecracker.

(GROANS)
Come on, DB, snap out of it!

And stop this stupid cake song!

Listen to us, DB!
Please listen to us!

Okay, okay. Last time
you were trapped outside,

but there has to be something
we can do from in here.

Maybe. I might be able

to get Dangertable's
basic OS up and running.

Then do it.

♪ And I'll never have
that recipe again... ♪

Okay, we got everything we need.

(WHIRRING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Jesus, boss.

You scared the hell out of me.

We weren't expecting you here.

Sorry, Frank.

Sorry for what?

Wicked men,

stop your evil ways!

(MEN SCREAMING)

♪ Someone left the cake out
in the rain ♪

Why would you leave a cake
out in the rain?

It makes no sense. -It's about
loss, Tick. The guy had a good thing,

and that's the cake, and then
he screwed everything up,

- and the cake got left out, and it's ruined.
- And how about your cake, Dot?

I thought you were a healer,
but now your sweet green icing

is all flowing down.

Don't worry about my cake, okay?

- I'm working on it.
- Okay. And how is that going?

You know, running off and
joining the mercenary circus?

I'm not running anywhere.
And Overkill isn't a mercenary,

he's a vigilante...
There's a difference.

You enabled him to k*ll again.

- You're an enable-ator.
- Have you ever stopped to think

that maybe there's more
than one way to fight evil?

Of course not. -And how come
you get to make those decisions?

- Because I am The Tick.
- What does that even mean?

You don't know. You don't know
anything about yourself.

- Leave him alone, Dot.
- Tell him to leave me alone.

Everyone leave everyone alone!

I think I got it.
I might be able to access.

DB's main circuit grid.

Here, Tick, pull this off.

If I can tap into the controls
for the shower,

I can manually switch it over
to Cargo Cannon mode, then we

can fire ourselves out of
the cannon and into the river.

Overkill, what's wrong with him?
Why is he doing this?

It's not my story to tell.

It all happened years ago,

before I even knew Dangerboat,

before he went rogue.

♪ ♪

DANGERBOAT: Mission Control,

this is X12 reporting.

Objective complete.
We are returning to base.

AEGIS CONTROLLER (OVER RADIO):
Roger that, X12.

Outstanding work, as always.

OVERKILL: He had
a different partner back then.

Agent Michael King.

Nicely done, DB.

Casualty count was minimal,

- and that was all your doing.
- Thanks, Michael.

I couldn't do it without you.

We're a great team.

And we look so good together.

King was different
from other agents.

When Dangerboat came online,
became sentient,

he broke the rules.

King never informed AEGIS.

Instead, he nurtured Dangerboat,

- helped him, protected him.
- DANGERBOAT: Shall we watch

a movie during our flight?

- You know what I like.
- As you wish.

(CHUCKLES) How many times
have we watched this now?

Oh, I don't know.
Who's counting?

I suppose I am.
It's part of my programming.

I log everything.
We've seen it 23 times.

23 times. Ha!

(LISPING): Inconceivable!

Pause the flick.

I almost forgot.

- What are you doing?
- No peeking.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

OVERKILL: It happened
on the one-year anniversary

of Dangerboat's sentience.

DANGERBOAT:
Oh, Michael, you remembered.

♪ Happy birthday, dear DB... ♪

OVERKILL:
All it took was a split second

of being distracted.

♪ Happy... ♪
Dangerboat, look out!

- (SCREAMS)
- Michael, no!

ARTHUR: Oh, my God.

Michael d*ed?

Went through that steel mesh
like cheese through a grater.

We'll have to stop him
from k*lling more people.

He'll feel terrible
when he wakes up.

- Yeah, so will we.
- Hang on, think I got it.

- (GRUNTS)
- Overkill! Are you all right?

I'll be all right.

DB's control circuits
are electro-shielded.

- Can't cut into them.
- ARTHUR: So that's it?

Our story does
not end here, chum.

I know what we have to do.

(HANDS WHIRRING)

- (WHIRRING STOPS)
- Damn it.

My hands are fried.

I'd need DB to fix it.

Dot, you're gonna
have to do this.

- Do what?
- Go to the circuit bundle.

There's one power line
that won't be shielded.

How do I know which one it is?

OVERKILL: It's near the center.
It's thinner than the rest.

It's glowing.

Overkill, what is that thing?

It's Dangerboat's spinal cord.

♪ And never let you catch me
looking at the sun... ♪

Dot, you're gonna
need to cut it.

Wrap the cord around the blade.

I don't want to k*ll your boat.

It's him or us, Dot.
That's the choice.

Dot, please don't do it.

We can't k*ll him.
He's our friend!

Don't listen to Small Bunyan
and his big blue ox.

They don't know how
the world really works.

They joined AEGIS
for Christ's sake.

♪ All the sweet green icing
flowing down ♪

I'm sorry, buddy.

♪ Someone left the cake
out in the rain... ♪

ARTHUR: Wait, Dot, no.

Hold on, hold on.
Let me try something.

Just give me a minute. Okay.
Give me a minute.

Uh, Dangerboat. Hey, uh...

I don't know if you can hear me,

but I just want to say that, uh,

I'm really sorry about
what happened to Michael.

Sounds like he was a great guy.

A-And that I know
how much it hurts

to lose someone
you love that much.

Pain so intense that

it actually changes you.

And-and people say, you know,

they-they-they say
that it gets better

in time, that it goes away,
but t-t-that's not true.

Not really.
It might fade some, but...

it never really goes away.

I still miss my dad every day.

You know, I think that's okay.

(TIMER BEEPING)

DANGERBOAT: Arthur.

Yeah. Yeah. Buddy, hey.
I'm right here.

DANGERBOAT:
Michael was my everything.

When he d*ed,
I shut myself down,

didn't let anyone in,
protected my heart,

until... until I met you.

Arthur, can I
tell you something?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Dangerboat,
you can tell me anything.

DANGERBOAT: I... I love you.

I know you do.

(EXHALES)

Ugh!

No cake. No rain.

Just fresh air by the lungful!

So, you're gonna
go off on some mission

with a rogue sociopath?

And you're gonna go
back into the sewers

- with a big blue amnesiac.
- That's not the point.

That is the point, Arthur.

Look, I know you don't approve
of what I'm doing,

but you have to let me
figure this out for myself.

Okay? It worked for you.

Doesn't mean
I'm not gonna worry.

DOT: Of course.

We should worry
about each other.

He's gonna be all right.

I guess sometimes everybody

just needs to know
they're not alone.

Aren't we all just ships at sea,

passing each other in the night,
getting bored

and boarding each other
while the waves wave on by?

(SIGHS) He wants to talk to you.

Me?

- Hold this, Tick.
- Sure.

- Hey.
- I wanted you to know

that I've completed
your analysis.

Oh, DB, you didn't
have to do that.

I wanted to. The shoe carries
signature effluent markers

traceable to specific
sewer junctions.

I cross-referenced these
and found five likely areas

for lair location.

I've printed you a map.

That's so sweet of you. Thanks.

I'm sorry about all that
craziness back there.

I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, come on. Please.
It's-it's fine.

I guess I have some serious work
to do on myself,

but I hope we can find a way
to still be friends, Arthur.

We are friends.

Are we done here?

Yeah. Yeah, we're done here.

How you doing, buddy?

You ready for a mission?

Overkill,
I would like nothing more.

(EXHALES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I understand you're looking
for a number of pieces.

Absolutely. Finest quality.
You won't be disappointed.

To start off, I have
two matching ottomans.

- Twins.
- (MAN GRUNTS)

Of course they're Turkish.
How's this?

You take the ottomans and
I'll throw in a china cabinet.

Do you really need to ask?

(GRUNTS)

Come on, come on.

I have a sectional sofa
I think you might like.

Come on.

(GRAPPLE LINE REELING)

Uh-huh.

Go. Go, go.

Yes.

Can I put you on hold
for a moment, please?

Thank you.

(BEEPS)

(g*n CLICKS)

♪ ♪

(GRUNTING)

What the hell was that?

- You just dodged a b*llet.
- What?

- No.
- Overkill.

That's right. It's me.
Where's your boss?

- Where do we find The Duke?
- It won't be easy. (CHUCKLES)

Cyanide. Damn it.

No. No!

Bastard.

Oh, my God.

Overkill, come on. We got to get
everybody else out of here.

Come on, everybody. Wake up!

- (GRUNTS)
- (BEEPS)

Head to the door out back,
we have transport.

- What is this?
- I need one.

- You need a floor lamp?
- I need a piece of this tech.

Might be the only way
to track down The Duke.

Overkill, you can't
steal a person.

I can totally steal a person.

No, you... Overkill! Geez.