02x09 - In the Woods

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪
(BURBLING)

(HIGH-PITCHED WHOOPING)

(WHOOPING, LAUGHING)

TICK: So round.

So perfect!

Ah...

why do the best things in life
pop so easily?

You've really never seen
these before, Tick?

Circles? Seen plenty of them.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, would you mind
getting that?

- Ah.
- Bubble duty beckons.

There you go, little guys.

Hello? -MAN (OVER PHONE):
Urgent message for Arthur.

Urgent? Got it!

(PANTING): Arthur!

- It's urgent!
- What?

- Hello?
- (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

- Hello?
- Hello. Yes. Is this Arthur?

Yeah, speaking. -This is AEGIS.
You made the Flag Five.

- I beg your pardon?
- You made the Flag Five. -What?

- Really?
- What?

Tick, we're in.

In what?

We made the Flag Five.

Chum.

Your dream came true!

(HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER, SHOUTS)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
it's the Flag Five Ready Room.

I am in the Flag Five
Ready Room.

TICK: You are ready to be
in the Flag Five Ready Room.

The Tick and Arthur.

Welcome to the big leagues.

Sage! Bronze Star!

BRONZE STAR:
Whoa. I kind of forgot

about the whole "flag thing."

Right? Looks like the Fourth
of July threw up in this mug.

I know. It's so perfect.

- Hey, boys.
- (GROANS)

God, I can't believe
they'd let you on the Five.

TICK: She has a checkered past,

but has done enough good
to confuse the issue.

- And me.
- Yeah, Arthur.

I'm starting to hear voices
in my head and everything.

What do you say we call a truce
and not ruin our big day?

Fine. But I am watching you.

Heroes.

Please take a chair.

RATHBONE: We call to order

this first assembly of the...

TICK: Whoa. Heh!

These chairs are cool!

(WHISPERS): Tick, Tick, we said

this was a professional
environment. Be cool. Thank you.

- Oh.
- RATHBONE: Now, we call to order

this first assembly
of the newly ratified Flag Five.

- Hmm.
- Joan of Arc,

Bronze Star,
Sage The Supernumerary,

The Tick...

and Arthur.

Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.

Now, being a member
of the Flag Five not only comes

with great responsibilities,
it also comes

with some damn fine privileges,
which you will find

in your manuals.

Your Ready Room,
right here at AEGIS,

your Flag Five Fortress...
Your HQ...

An impressive array of vehicles,
weapons and technology,

and also, coupons...

for several local
businesses and eateries.

SAGE: 30% off dry cleaning.

I could use that.

Oof.

- What is this?
- HOBBES: Oh.

Just some initial concepts

designed to make you more
visually cohesive as a team.

To put the "flag" in the five,

- as it were.
- SAGE: Well, is that...

is that a "5"
on the Blind Eye of Thirdarra?

Nah, but that-that's
just blasphemy.

I look like
a crossing guard for justice.

I look great.

And, of course,
there's the Flock Flare.

Oh, my God, Tick.
Don't you know what this is?

- Nope.
- (ARTHUR EXHALES)

It's the Flag Five Flock Flare.

Flantastic!

ARTHUR (SIGHS):
The righteous wristwatch signal

that calls the team together
in times of trial.

Oh, my God, I've only ever seen
these things in photos before.

From this day forward,

you five heroes will become one.

So...

heroes...

stand with me
and raise a glass...

to the new Flag Five!

OTHERS: To the new Flag Five!

(TAKES DEEP BREATH)

♪ ♪

That hero walk felt good.

- Hey.
- (GASPS)

There you are.

Let's go get
your paperwork started.

(WHOOSHING)

I been looking for you boys.
We need to talk.

(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER P.A.)

(SNIFFS) Mm-hmm.

I've been trying
to get Lobstercules on board

with the plan all morning,
but it's a no-go.

Maybe you can chew her ear
a little bit.

How is biting her
gonna change her mind?

Gentlemen.

Such excellent cake. (CHUCKLES)

I couldn't resist.

Oh, man, you guys get cake.

♪ ♪

FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Scanning.

Agent Doctor Hobbes.

Access granted.

(WHIRRING)

♪ ♪ Hello, Overkill.

Cake?

I know why you all have come,

but I cannot agree
to your legal strategy.

See what I'm
dealing with, fellas?

That is one stubborn shellfish.

Look, Lobstercules, Tick and I
are taking care of your babies.

TICK: And they are

an absolute delight...
So musical.

Do you think they would enjoy

- violin lessons?
- ARTHUR: They should be with you again.

Let Flexon introduce them
as evidence,

and I swear, I think you have a
chance of getting back together.

LOBSTERCULES:
You think I don't want

to be with my children?

But how can I trust this place?

Because that's the rule of law.
That's what AEGIS stands for.

I mean, look what happened
when... when you told them

that you could talk, okay?

You got a lawyer and now
a chance for your freedom again.

My boy Arthur makes good points.

Tick, friend, what do you think?

Ah, Lady Lobster,
all I can think about

are their cute little faces

and their unforgiving
love pinches.

- (SIGHS)
- Your little ones

are so wonderful,

and they miss you so much.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Lawyer, you may move forward
with your coercion defense.

Hot damn!

We got a motion!

- All right!
- The babies are gonna be

so happy to see you again.

- (BEEPING)
- Sorry. Hello?

Where are you?

- Dot?
- It's his sister.

Uh, I'm at AEGIS. Why?

I need you to leave there
immediately

and meet Walter and me
on our boat. Do you copy?

You found Walter?
Wait. We have a boat?

DANGERBOAT:
Arthur, I am the boat.

Please, we need you.

(SIGHS) Copy that.

Okay, we're on our way.

(VEHICLE WHIRRS BY IN DISTANCE)

(CHUCKLES):
Where the hell have you been?

I've got plans to run by you.

I was just at the big show.

And it was glorious.

I have no idea what that means.

It means I'm done
with this petty crime sh*t.

Man, this superhero stuff
has gone straight

to your head, made you nutty.

You're not hearing me, Frank.

Pretty damn sure
that crime doesn't pay

as much as the Flag Five.

Look.

Newly designed super-ship.
Plush headquarters.

A freaking satellite.

And if you become the leader
of the Flag Five,

they actually hand over
the keys to AEGIS.

(SCOFFS) This is gonna bite you
in the ass,

unless you're a real hero now.

Hmm.

I'm moving up in the world.

You can come with me.

I, um...

I don't know.

Hey.

Is he coming with you?

Yes, Frank, he's coming with me.
(SCOFFS)

- Mm.
- I've got an important role

in the new paradigm.

I'm her sidekick.

(CHUCKLES)

Thanks, boss.

But where you're going,
I don't want to be.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

John... Wu?

Yes.

Walter is... not a Walter?

No.

My feet don't feel so good.

I'm sorry, Tick.

So... so this whole time,
you've been hiding

this-this secret agent past,

pretending to just be... boring?

It's like you're this whole
other person.

God, what about Mom?

- Mom deserves to know the truth.
- WALTER: I know.

I know. -Guys,
you need to pull it together.

Like we said,
Overkill is in serious danger,

and it's all wrapped up
in AEGIS.

I'm sorry, I just need
another minute to process

this whole "Walter" thing.

Walter is a Wu.

Please, guys.
Overkill needs our help.

Look at him.

TICK: What is that?

It's the extraction pod
that trapped Overkill

at the Duke's lair.

It's signature AEGIS equipment.

The Duke must be working
with someone inside the agency.

Told you not to go in there.

You know, wait for us, we said.
Let us help you, we said.

I mean, what were you
even doing in there?

Look at that... that looks like
one giant expl*si*n.

How do you even
get out of there alive?

DANGERBOAT: Arthur,
your sister used her ability.

- I'm sorry, her what?
- Okay, you know what?

Let's all just try to focus.

Rathbone suspected that there
was a mole in AEGIS.

He was right. We have proof now.

Okay, so what do you want
Tick and I to do about it?

WALTER: We have to meet Rathbone
somewhere safe

and give him our evidence.

Now, if I try to make contact,

I'm afraid the call
will be intercepted.

But Flag Five team members
can contact Commander Rathbone

on his secure hotline.

You want me to call
Tyrannosaurus Rathbone

- on the Five-Alarm Flagphone.
- Yes.

Will you do it, Arthur?
Will you call?

My-my-my first day as a member
of the Flag Five.

Literally my-my lifelong dream

and-and you want me
to call Ty Rathbone

and-and say... what?

"Oh, hey! It's Arthur.

"Rem-Remember that rogue agent
you've been looking for?

"Well, now he's been kidnapped

"by another traitor
from your agency.

Can you just solve
this whole mess for us?"

Rathbone got him into this mess.

And I helped.

Chum. Overkill is in trouble,

and it looks like AEGIS is, too.

Okay.

Okay, fine. I'll make the call.

DANGERBOAT:
I'm hugging you, too, Arthur.

Thanks.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

HOBBES: Now, let's bring you
back online

and reboot those eyes.

Ah, hello.

Hobbes.

Yes, it's been a while.

I'm sure you're very confused.

Maybe you were expecting

to see the Duke
resurrected somehow.

Bu the Duke was always
a fiction.

The man you decapitated
in Florida

was a mercenary that I hired.

His name was Gary.

You m*rder*d my whole squad.

(GRUNTING)

- You're the AEGIS mole.
- Mole?

No. I'm not a mole.

I am AEGIS.

Or at least
what AEGIS should be.

And what's that?

- A human furniture store?
- (HOBBES LAUGHS)

No. Human furniture
was just R and D.

A crude beta test of a
technology I've now perfected.

Whatever you're up to, Rathbone
won't let you get away with it.

Rathbone is a fool.

He thinks superheroes
are here to save us.

He thinks they're fun;
This isn't fun.

Overkill, you have no idea
what you represent.

I remember the day
they brought you in here.

Straight sh**t, so broken.

If you hadn't been a category,
you would have been dead.

Then Rathbone had me
rebuild you.

New eyes. New hands.

(CHUCKLES)

But then he went too far.

OVERKILL: He went too far?

AEGIS was founded
to protect humanity

and to police the genetic chaos
that Superian unleashed.

But then Rathbone recruited you
to be an agent.

He brought the chaos
into our own house.

You were the first
of what is now

an infestation of categories

into what was once
a proud human institution.

Categories are human.

Human, please.

You're one DNA blip away
from Lobstercules.

What?

You gonna turn us all
into lamps?

That's the plan?

I think you'll find
my new technology

is much more versatile.

(SIGHS) Are you done
villainsplaining?

- Yes.
- Good. (LAUGHS)

Now, listen to my plan.

It's simple, Hobbes.

You're dead.

When I get out of here,

I'm gonna k*ll you so hard.
(GRUNTS)

I'm not the one
you're going to k*ll.

- This will hurt.
- (HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING)

(SCREAMS)

Overkill, are you online?

Yes.

Tell me how you found the Duke.

5-1-1...

3-7-3.

(LINE RINGING)

I'm calling, and I'm praying.

Flag Five member, I read you.
What is your caution code?

God, sorry. I didn't know
the whole face thing

- was gonna happen.
- The what?

Son, you do comprehend
the purpose

of the Five-Alarm Flagphone,
do you not?

Yeah, no, I-I-I do, sir.

I just... I have something
of an emergency.

Is there a secure place that we
can talk away from the office?

You still haven't given me
the proper Flagphone call signs.

Now, what is your caution code?

ARTHUR: I'm sorry, sir.
I haven't had time

- to get familiar with...
- Son.

What the hell is going on?

Well, uh, it's a long story.

Um, apparently...

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Incoming transmission.

- It's my mother.
- This about your mother?

No. No, no. I'm sorry.
It's not, uh...

it's about my sister
and my stepfather.

My mother's just on
the other line right now.

- Then you take that call.
- What?

No, sir. It's-it's just my mom.

It is not just apple pie,
it is not just baseball,

and it is definitely not
just your mother.

Now, you take that call pronto

while I wait here
on helmet-hold.

- Okay. Um...
- Mm-hmm.

Hello?

Oh, hello. Arthur?

- Hi, Mom.
- I was wondering if you

heard anything
from Dot or Walter.

I'm really starting to worry.

No, no, I haven't heard
anything.

Look, Mom, I really have to, um,
prepare for a meeting right now.

Can I call you back later?

Oh, okay, sweetheart.

I'll see you soon.

Bye.

Okay. Bye.

(LOBSTER BABIES LAUGHING)

Wow!

- (GASPS) Oh!
- Joan! Joan!

Sorry.

DANGERBOAT: What?

Ouch. Quit it.

TICK: Well, Not Walter,

it seems that we're all
wandering in the woods.

How do you mean?

You're living a lie.

Dot is secretly
turning vigilante.

I thought Arthur had been
bending the truth

to get us into the Five.

But now we have babies,

(CHUCKLING):
I've even started lying myself.

To be honest, I don't know

what Destiny is trying
to teach us through all this.

Maybe that the truth...
is precious.

I think you're onto something.

DANGERBOAT: Arthur has returned.

- Arthur!
- (ARTHUR SIGHS)

So... how'd it go?

- Did you reach Rathbone?
- Yeah. He said to meet him

at an abandoned AEGIS research
facility not far from here.

He said it'll be safe.

- We should get going.
- ARTHUR: Hey.

I set up the meeting, okay?

The moment we're done,
you're going to see Mom,

and you're telling her
everything.

He's right.

I will.

I promise.

(HORN HONKING,
ENGINE SPUTTERING)

MIRROR LINT: Bravo.

- (MISS LINT SIGHS)
- You made your choice.

When are you gonna leave me
the hell alone?

I wonder. Do you know why you
chose the name "Joan of Arc"?

'Cause I like the pun.

As a kid, in the orphanage,

you always loved that story.

Oh, yeah.

I did.

She had a gift.

She led an army.

She was fearless.

Do you know what else she was?

Toast.

She was a hero,

just like you.

You're gonna be so disappointed.

(METALLIC SQUEAKING)

(WATER DRIPPING)

Careful, creeping shadow man!

You face The Tick!

Stand down, hero.

It's me.

Commander Rathbone.

It is damn good
to see you again, Agent.

You have some information
for me, son?

I'm not a big fan of AEGIS,

but if Walter
and Overkill trust you,

I'll give it a chance.

I take it you're Dot.

- Yes, I'm Dot.
- Yeah, this is my sister, Commander Rathbone.

Do you recognize that, sir?

Yep.

This was the first stage
of an AEGIS mind control project

that was proposed
and rejected years ago.

Well...

I know what the Duke's
been working on.

Does it tell you
who's doing this?

Unfortunately, it does.

- I'll take it from here.
- Thank you, sir.

What?! No way.
We're coming with you!

I'm sorry, Dot,
but this is an AEGIS problem.

TICK: All right, then.

Call in the Flag Five,
and we'll help.

I will not make
giving AEGIS a black eye

the first act
of the new Flag Five. No.

This will be handled internally.

I want to protect
the good name of AEGIS.

Screw AEGIS!

What about Overkill?
He's been abducted. He could be

hurt or dying, for all we know.

Dot?

Once I have the mole
in my custody,

I will get our boy back.

I promise you that.

I'll see you all soon.

TICK: Walter, remember,

you weren't keeping a secret.

The secret was keeping you.

I'll remember.

I don't like this.

- I don't like any of this.
- Dot, come on.

We got the evidence to Rathbone.

Now we have
to let him do his part.

I mean, he's the commander,
for God's sake.

He can take care of himself.

- (LOBSTER BABIES MURMURING)
- Oh, sweetie, I...

Kevin, can you help me here?
Looks like...

- (KNOCKING)
- (GASPS)

(LOBSTER BABIES CHATTERING,
TOY WHEELS WHIRRING)

Walter.

Joan. We need to talk.

(HORNS HONKING, ENGINE REVVING)

(COMPUTER TRILLING)

You wanted to see me, sir?

Come on in, Hobbes.

- I want to show you something.
- Ah.

It's on my desk.

HOBBES: Ah, I see.

And, uh, may I ask where

you found this object?

Operatives of mine.

Operatives.

Interesting.

You were told
to discontinue your research.

That mind control
was against everything

that this organization
stands for, and yet,

- you continued?
- Well, my work is vital.

Your work? Your work is
a disgrace to AEGIS.

You're a disgrace.

- You are done here, Hobbes.
- You disgraced AEGIS the moment

you let a category be an agent.
Luckily...

- that problem is about to resolve itself.
- (RAPID TRILLING)

- (w*apon f*ring)
- (RATHBONE GRUNTS)

(BODY THUDS)

(SIGHS)

(RAPID TRILLING)

- (BEEP)
- HOBBES: Thank you, Overkill.

You may go now.

♪ ♪