02x07 - All the King's Horses

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Graves". Aired: October 2016 to December 2017.*
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Former President Richard Graves has the epiphany, twenty years after leaving office, that his policies have damaged the country for decades. This, as his wife, the former First Lady, has political ambitions if her own.
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02x07 - All the King's Horses

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Graves...

Getting sh*t was the best thing
that could've ever happened to you.

Don't tell me you haven't
thought of it. The Oval.

My son is gonna be
the first Jewish president.

You got to get your music out there.
I mean, you sound amazing.

How bad is it if someone
text breaks up with you ?

Honestly, the worst.

Becky Keegan ? Becky and I were,
God, best friends in high school.

Totally.

You were horrible to me
in high school, Olivia.

Bullied me so badly
I had to switch schools.

Guess what, I got Dalton to take
a paternity test,

so that should uncomplicate
things real fast.

- What are you doing ?
- We're having a f*cking baby.

- What's her name ?
- I don't know yet.

How does it feel to know that you were
married to the president responsible

for building the last American nuke ?

- You're way too much in your head.
- Where else am I to go ?

Margaret Graves is not one of you.
She thinks she's better than you.

You don't really have
the stomach for the Senate.

Is that really what you think ?

Welcome to tonight's
New Mexico Senatorial Debate.

I'd like to start with jobs.
Mrs. Graves, what do you plan to do

to get the state's economy
back on track ?

Thank you. And you're
absolutely correct.

People in New Mexico are hurting.

I don't need statistics
to tell me that.

I just need to sit with small business
owners who've been hurt

by the policies of my opponent.

The people of New Mexico
really don't need

the same old policies of DC.

Am I taking crazy pills
or have you been taking sexy pills ?

Senator North, your rebuttal.

Well, when it comes to economics,
I believe in helping those with needs.

Ah, you typical Democrat.

Thinks the government needs
to teach us how to please ourselves.

You'd be amazed what I can do

with a big, powerful,
legislative branch.

Holy sh*t.

Yeah.

... which begs the question,

is President Graves to blame
for this nuclear standoff ?

While many are calling it
nothing but posturing

saying there's no way Ahsan will just
walk away from the UN nuclear talks,

others say we have no one to blame
but ourselves. Ahsan is a dictator

and we're the ones
who gave him a country.

And even if it were
almost three decades ago

and the Graves Administration
couldn't have known

what kind of strongman he'd become,
Amir Ahsan is a mad man

and now he's a mad man
with nuclear weapons.

This has been a special report
from MSNBC News.

Come on.

I don't know what do you want.

- Becky.
- Honey, honey, honey.

- Let me give it a try.
- Thank you.

Oh, boy. Yeah. Daddy's got
all sorts of things for you.

OK. Well, then, great.
Thanks, Dad.

Oh. I got you.

Oh, my...

Okay. She hates me.

Oh, no.
She doesn't hate you.

Well, if it isn't straight hate, then
she's already developed mommy issues

that have taken me years to cultivate.

It's like everything I do
just makes it worse.

Honey, you're tired.
You need a break.

Why don't let me take her for the day ?

- Are you serious ?
- Yes, I'd love to.

Oh, dad. Oh, geez...

- Where's the baby, honey ?
- Daddy's got her. I just...

- What's the matter ?
- I can't do this.

I mean, Mom, anything I do
just makes her more unhappy.

Sweetheart,
don't be so hard on yourself.

Every new mom needs help.
We'll get whatever you need.

Day nurse, night nurse, nanny.

Pass her off to somebody else,
the way that you did with me.

Just nannies day and night.

- I need to be able to figure this out.
- You need to be patient.

You know ? We still have a few
minutes before we have to get up.

What did you have in mind ?

Something to get us
in the mood.

Politics and friends.
The news is always fair.

Leading up today, an update on the
President Graves assassination attempt.

Wait, wait. Hold on a second.

Martin Treadwell
will be sentenced next month

for his latest attempt on the former
commander-in-chief's life.

Treadwell was stopped by Isaiah Miller,
an aide to former President Graves.

Miller was sh*t, but later fully...

Look at me. Look at me.

The worst things already happened
and you're okay.

- Yeah. That's right. I am.
- You're here.

I'm here.

Oh, God.

Oh, I got to go. Margaret needs me.
It's the debate tonight.

- Tell me you're gonna be okay.
- Yeah. Of course.

Okay...

I'll see you later.

- Jeremy Graves ?
- Yeah.

Hi. Registered letter.
Just need a signature.

Margaret Graves is a phoney.

She claims she is one of you,
but her wardrobe

costs more than an average
American's yearly income.

She has even turned her back
on her family roots.

And as Richard Graves
was building nuclear missiles

and helping dangerous strongmen
acquire their own,

Margaret Graves stood behind him
every step of the way.

So who is the real Margaret Graves ?

Vote Jerry North for Senate.
He'll keep us moving forward.

He's just trying to throw
you off your game, doll.

By tomorrow, all anyone
will be talking about

is how you eviscerated
that socialist in the debate.

There comes a time,
in every campaign,

when things just sort of slip away.

And in one thirty-second ad,

Jerry North has managed
to undercut our entire... you.

You mean we're done,
before the debate even happens ?

No, but winning it just became the
only way you don't lose this election.

Walt ! Would it be okay if I worked in
a couple of originals into the set ?

It's your funeral.

Hi.

Who's that ?

That's the reason
why mommy's in therapy, honey.

What are you doing here, Olivia ?

Teach me how to be a mom.

Why would I help you ?
You made my life miserable.

Look, I don't know
what I was doing in high school.

I was in bully denial,
which is a thing.

I'm so sorry.

I appreciate your apology, Olivia.
Thank you. But I don't know.

Please. I mean, seriously Becks,
I have no idea what I'm doing.

And I'm not gonna say
that it's not my fault

but it's kind of not my fault. I mean,
you know I didn't grow up normal.

It's probably why I spent so much time
at your parents' house with you guys.

It was the one place where I felt
like I was part of a family.

And now, knowing how horrible
I was to you in high school,

it's not lost on me that some
of the worst times in your life

are seriously some of the best
times in mine. But I need help.

I'm asking for help.

Taking care of a kid
is easier than it looks.

- Really ?
- No.

- What's your daughter's name ?
- She doesn't have one yet.

You'd really like her though.
She thinks I'm awful too.

We'd have that in common.

- That's mean.
- Yeah.

What you looking at ?

Boo. Peek-a-boo.

Well, there's a smile.

This is your little toe,
wiggly, wiggly, wiggly.

Peek-a-boo. No ?

I have to say, sir, you are a natural
with that baby.

It's so endearing to see
this side of you, sir.

So, we have another request for
a statement regarding President Ahsan

pulling out of the nuclear talks
in New York, sir.

And I really think
we should respond this time.

Take everything off the list
we have to do today.

I'm gonna spend my day
with my granddaughter...

- That's sweet.
- Yeah. We're gonna babysit.

We're babysitting ? Isn't
there like a local teenager

who could do that, sir ?

Yes, you. Don't be an assh*le.
Here, feed the baby.

What ? I'm not...
I've never fed a baby before.

Just put it to her lips.

- There she goes.
- Oh, that's actually pretty amazing.

- Richard ?
- Yes.

Since you're with the baby today,

could you spare Isaiah
to help me in my team ?

His debate knowledge
would be beyond helpful.

Oh, please, sir. Please.

He's free. I can only take one person
who's likely to sh*t their pants today.

Thank you so much, sir.

There you go.
There, that's it...

Richard ! We need to talk.

Maggie, today is your big day.

It's your debate.
You really need to focus.

It's very important.

Okay.

Attagirl. Wow, you've drank
the whole bottle !

- Rocking slowly left to right.
- Okay.

Put the bottle in there.

Olivia ! Olivia !

I'm sorry. That is very much my bad.

Hey, Jerums. Make it quick.
Just k*lled my third pillow baby.

- The paternity test results came in.
- Oh. Who's your daddy ?

- I can't open it.
- Open it, Jer.

I wanna know if your dad is Dad
or if I'm gonna have

to start calling him "my dad" when
we talk, which is gonna be so weird.

Look, I-I-I just... I don't...
I don't think I wanna know.

Why not ? Oh, are you worried that
it's not gonna be either of them ?

Well, I hadn't thought of that yet,
Liv. So, thanks for nothing.

Sorry.

And time and time again,
it's small business owners that suffer.

- Senator North, your response ?
- Okay. That's, uh, that's good.

Oh, for God's sake, what now ?

Margaret, everything you're saying
is reasoned and well expressed,

and every time you open your mouth
you drop another three points.

Okay. I'm answering the questions
calmly and reasonably.

Isaiah ?

Well, familiarity matters, ma'am.
And while your answers

are in fact concise and believable,
you do read just a bit uncomfortable.

Exactly.
Well said, mini Graves !

Yeah, see, you can't reason
your way out of the fact

that Bonnie Clegg is
going around telling the world

that you disowned
your hillbilly family,

nor the fact a large percentage of New
Mexicans already think you're a phoney.

Now, it's our job
to make you their phoney

and they can't see it coming,
Margaret.

- Tap into their fear.
- Oh, my God.

Did... did somebody come
to work today ? Tap into their fears.

Why the hell
the two of you are so insistent

on changing her
to someone that she's not ?

Margaret Graves is a beloved
fixture in this country...

Holy sh*t ! Your saccharin soliloquy
just gave me instant tooth decay.

- I'll be fine.
- Okay. Enough.

I do not like how this man
is running this campaign, Maggie,

I'm sorry, I have to tell you.

Things are different
now, they have to be.

Richard never won on the high road.
Get on board or don't.

I need a moment.

Hello ?

Hey Isaiah, it's Robert Hayes
of Serious XM.

We got that Sammy Vega song you sent,
we're really loving it here, man.

Oh, great. Thank you.
So glad you like it.

She's got the cutest little nose
She's got the cutest little eyes

And the cutest little feet

Her fart smells stinky
But her smile is sweet

"Her farts smell stinky,
but her smile is sweet."

Such silly little songs.

Yeah, it's just that, um,
I'm not a very good singer.

They don't care. Oh, and also,
I find the older they get,

kids eat more
when you make their food fun.

Okay. "Make food fun."


Oh, another fun thing,
At some point,

you'll leave the baby carrier
somewhere and go into a panic.

Yeah, I've already done that,
two times.

So, I took an old iPhone
I had laying around,

taped it inside the baby carrier,
it's like a GPS for the baby.

Genius.

Hey, can you go back and do that
again but, like, only slower ?

I'm just moving my hand.
Maybe we should take a break.

No, I need all of your tips, Becks. And
that one where you hypnotized the baby

and it's quiet, yeah,
that's the best one.

OK. You know you can't trick your way
into being a good parent, right ?

I'm trying to give you some tips.

Parenting is pretty much just
hard work and instincts.

But that's what I'm trying to tell you,
I don't have any instincts.

I'm sorry. I can't do this.

I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Bravo ! Bravo !

Okay. We'll play some
Lynyrd Skynyrd next time.

- Still no name yet ?
- No.

Well, baby's first bar.
Mom's gonna be proud, huh ?

- What do you do, you go shopping ?
- Yeah. Liv needs a little help.

Hey, I love that song you played.

Really ?
Well, I think you're the only one.

You are way, way too much
in your head.

- Remember telling me that ?
- Yes.

Where else am I supposed to go ?
Remember that ?

"Be authentic," you told me.

But Sammy, do it while you're young,
at the start.

Don't wait 'til the end.
It gets complicated in the end.

Babe, this night gonna be huge.

I really hope this goes well
for Mrs. Graves.

- I really hope this goes well for you.
- What ?

I've been thinking, since this morning,
after the Treadwell news,

you went from being an assistant
to an American hero, right ?

You know, I really don't like
talking about that, Katie.

It's the Isaiah Miller origin story,
the first Jewish president.

- I wanna put you on Jeremy's show.
- Oh, Katie, slow down, please.

And you'll give them the "You saved
his dad" exclusive, they'll love that,

and you'll get some super positive
exposure, it's a win-win.

- That's the opposite of slowing.
- Everyone in this room, Isaiah...

They're looking for who the next big
thing is and I really think it's you.

Come.

Oh, sh*t, sorry,
nobody's ever out here.

- Wait, hold up ! Farrah, right ?
- Yeah.

And it's awesome that after so many
months, you're still not sure.

What are you doing out here ? You've
come out to smoke or something ?

You'll just laugh,
and then I'll think

you're even more of an assh*le
than I already do.

- I meditate.
- No sh*t.

It's no big thing.
It just... it helps me.

I'm going to a retreat
this weekend actually.

Vinyasa, this amazing place,
we just meditate,

eat healthy, decompress.

Yeah.

You should try something like that.
I know you're literally sitting there

thinking what a load of sh*t it is,
but who knows ?

Maybe it'd bring down your
douche factor a little bit.

I thought you left,

but then Cooper told me you put
yourself in timeout on the porch.

I can't raise a child.
Wolves would do a better job.

Becks, I can't even get her to eat.

No one's hated my boobs before.

Olivia, maybe you should
just hire somebody to help you.

Why does everybody say this ?

I don't want that for her.

Nannies, and nurses, and babysitters,
and boarding schools...

I mean, she should have it
better than I had it, right ?

- Sam !
- What ?

No f*cking way !

Cooper had trouble
latching on too.

Let me show you
what worked for me.

Good job, Isaiah.

Isaiah Miller, way to take a b*llet.

- Thank you sir. I'm a big fan.
- Right back at you.

See ? It's already started.

And we're minutes away now

from the most anticipated
senatorial debate of the season,

a former first-lady squaring off
against a liberal icon incumbent.

- I can't believe he brought her here.
- I told you he was a genius.

- Well played, North.
- That son of a bitch.

- Put her right in the front row.
- What's going on ?

Oh, God.

No "oh, God." Do you hear me ?
She's just another face in the crowd.

Tell me that you hear me.

He's got a low center of gravity,
just sweep the leg.

We're about to take
the stage here in New Mexico.

Coming up next, the debate.

Margaret Graves is a phoney.
She claims she is one of you,

but her wardrobe costs more than
an average American's yearly income.

She has even turned her back
on her family roots.

And as Richard Graves
was building nuclear missiles

and helping dangerous strongmen
acquire their own, Margaret...

... family roots. And as Richard Graves
was building nuclear missiles

and helping dangerous strongmen
acquire their own, Margaret...

Debate night in America.

Welcome to tonight's
New Mexico senatorial debate.

So, we're going to start
with Mrs. Graves.

Why are you the right choice
for New Mexico ?

That's an excellent question.
I'm glad you asked, thank you.

I think this election
is about a very simple choice

between the America that we used to be
and the America that we're becoming.

An America that is more concerned
with being politically correct

than with being correct politically.

And that is why I'm in this race,
because Jerry North

and his government insiders
are scheming to take your jobs.

And it's about time these hardworking,

decent Americans
have someone in Washington,

someone who really hears them.

Senator North,
would you like to respond ?

I'd like nothing more, thank you.

Here's the bottom line.
Up until two months ago,

Mrs. Graves was eating filet mignon
on fine china.

Now, every time I turn on the TV,

she's chugging a beer
and eating roadside barbecue.

I'm surprised you haven't
bought a used pickup.

I'm surprised
that you're standing here,

stereotyping an entire group
of people.

You are an act.

You're exactly what is wrong
with this country.

- It's a question of trust.
- It is a question of priorities.

I don't even know who you are.

You're asking the voters to trust you.
Why should they ?

Everything you're saying is nonsense.

These are people's lives
that we're talking about here

and they deserve a senator who
they know will not change her mind

with every passing trend
or new opportunity.

Okay. I haven't changed at all.

Oh, my God.

And I am so proud of where
I came from

and I was the first lady
of the United States.

- Yes. But who are you today ?
- I'm whoever I have to be.

Senator North,
would you like to respond ?

I rest my case.
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