04x08 - Desert Eagle

[bunniefuu]

MAN (ON TV): He's been eight
under after that awful start.

- (DOOR OPENS)
- OLDER ELLA: Hey, Mama.

- Ella.
- Hey, Mom.

- Look at you.
- Zacky.

- Hey, Mom. How are you?
- Your skirt is too short.

- Pretty color, but I don't like that.
- (CHUCKLES)

LEN: We're here.

We brought the whole brood.

- I hope that's okay.
- Sarah, you remember Hagar.

- Right?
- Hi, love.

You look... you look really pretty.

(DUCK QUACKS)

- (BABY WHIMPERS)
- Do you mind if I breastfeed in here?

She's so fertile. She's
got one on the way.

That's so weird.

I didn't know that you could
actually, like, breastfeed

and get pregnant at the same time.

- I can.
- She can.

- ZACKY: You know, Lila can.
- (LAUGHTER)

(ECHOING): Lila can.

Yeah, Lila can. Lila can.

- ZACKY: She can do anything.
- EMMA: She can do anything.

- (DUCK QUACKING)
- Oh...

I want to to nurse!

(CACKLES)

Oh, my God.

How the f*ck are your boobs
still looking like that?

I don't know. I never wear a bra.

LEN: People don't wear bras anymore.

I wear a bra.

ZACKY (HIGH-PITCHED): Yeah,
Lila can. Lila can.

- (GIRL SCREAMS)
- (DUCK QUACKS)

Stop it!

Oh, I almost forgot. We
got you a little gift.

You got me something?

ZACKY: Come on, Mom.

(ECHOING): Lila can. Lila can.

(SLOWED DOWN): Lila can.

- It...
- Do you like it?

- Drink it.
- Uh, I don't want this.

- Try it, Sarah. You'll like it.
- ZACKY: Come on, you'll like it.

- (DISTORTED): Drink it, Mom. Drink it.
- Just a sip.

ALL (CHANTING): Drink it! Drink it!

Drink it! Drink it! Drink it!

- (CHANTING CONTINUES)
- ZACKY: Lila can.

- (DISTORTED): Lila can. Lila can.
- (DUCKS QUACKING)

Lila can.

(BIRDS CHITTERING, TRILLING)

(SCOFFS)

(SIGHS)

(GEESE HONKING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

I feel like I'm too big for this table.

Stop taking my food.
You have your own food.

I have sand on mine.

(SARAH SCOFFS)

Someone is really grumpy.

Oh, my God.

Please do not describe my behavior.

That is really f*cking annoying.

That's, like, Getting Along .

What's wrong with you?

Nothing.

I'm just tired.

- What?
- Do you think about Lila all the time?

You want to f*ck her without me?

- What?
- You want to f*ck her by yourself, don't you?

- What are you talking about?
- No, you do, you want those

sweet, bouncy tits all to yourself.

- What is wrong with you?
- Nothing.

You're f*cking doing the thing
that we said we would not do.

- (SIGHS DEEPLY)
- You're acting jealous

and you're just poking it with a stick.

Please don't do that.

- Moshe?
- Mm-hmm?

You could ask me, um...

any questions if you wanted to.

About...

I don't know, about anything really.

About...

you know, about my
transitioning, if you want.

What's to ask? Come on.

It's great. Good for you.

Hey, Moshe?

Dad?

I'm-I'm not gonna come back to
Israel, I don't think, so, uh...

And I'm-I'm pretty sure that
there's not a -hour flight

in your future.

What do you think, I'm too
old? No, no. I mean, well...

You know, I think this is, uh...

I think this is our only
chance to, uh, actually...

I, um...

I think I know what
you're looking for here.

- You do?
- Mm.

There was nobody around
when you were little.

There was nobod... there
was no... nobody around

who could teach you how
to be a man, you know.

So... so maybe if you
had a father in your life,

well, not Haim,

but if you had a real
father in your life,

maybe you wouldn't have
turned out, you know...

the way you did.

I'm really sorry, my child. Very sorry.

(SIGHS)

That's not what I thought
you were gonna say.

(CHUCKLES)

Ah, well...

I'm certainly glad that we had this...

little chat, kiddo.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

JOSH: So, Nitzan?

- Hmm?
- Is the g*n loaded?

Of course it's loaded.

It's a g*n.

I just didn't know if it was
just to scare people off, or,

I don't know, I don't know what...

It is to scare people off.

Is that semi-a*t*matic?

What is it? a*t*matic?

What's-What's the situation?

It's called a "Baby Desert Eagle."

Oh, Baby Desert Eagle. Oh.

You know this kind?

No, I don't know that one, but,
uh, the Toddler Desert Eagle

is, um... I know that one.

- (LAUGHTER)
- That one's a... that's a... that's a good one.

It's a little bigger. You know.

(CHUCKLES)

So...

you're not packing heat?

- (LAUGHTER)
- No. Mm-mm.

My w*apon of choice is self-loathing.

(LAUGHTER)

SHELLY: He's a, he's a schmuck.

MAURA: He's a schmuck.

SHELLY (STAMMERING): A-And,
as I... You've known him

for two minutes; you
think he's gonna know you?

He doesn't know you.

Who knows anybody anyway?

Well...

Well, we know each other.

I don't know if we do, Shell.

I mean, I'm learning things.

My God. What else could you be learning?

I might, um... I think, might be...

(SIGHS)

- (SIGHS)
- Come on. Who else are you gonna tell?

I might be...

I'm...

That I might be heterosexual.

I mean,

a... heterosexual woman.

(CRUNCHING)

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about that
I... since I transitioned...

I am...

very attracted to, uh...

To what?

I am m-more turned on
by the thought of a man

and, and a woman together.

Can't... imagine you with a man.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, you should.

'Cause I'm seeing one.

Really?

Yeah.

How do you feel about that?

As if I care.

W-Wha... I just want you to be happy.

If only you'd known
then what you know now.

There you are, been looking
all over for you two. Come on.

The Dead Sea is waiting.

All right, we're coming, we're coming.

LYFE: Hey, Ali!

Get out here!

Hey, you okay?

ALI: I don't know.

Good morning. Sabah al-khair.

- Morning.
- Ah, the best part of waking up.

Some weed in my mouth.

Mmm. This is the good stuff.

ALI: Lyfe, I have to go.

I can't stop thinking about my family.

What about them?

ALI: They're probably
wondering where I am.

I totally ditched them.

I don't want them to worry.

LYFE: You got to do what you got to do.

Yeah. If only I knew what that was.

LYFE: Do you want me to go with you?

No, that's okay.

I'm gonna go by myself.

But thank you. Really.

TARIK: Where do you need to go?

Um... I guess I need
to go to the Dead Sea?

Hussen is going to Qalandia.

Really? Can I get a cab from there?

Yeah, let me ask. Hang on.

(SHOUTS IN ARABIC)

(BOTH SPEAKING IN ARABIC)

- He says yes, but hurry up.
- Okay, yes. Thank you.

Tell him thank you,
I'm coming. Thank you!

It was nice meeting you. So
nice to meet you. Thank you.

(SIGHS)

Okay. Where's my bag?

- Okay.
- Give me a hug.

Okay.

(BIRD SINGING)

Thank you for waiting. Hi.

- Hi. You're going to Qalandia?
- Yeah.

- Come in.
- Thanks.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(NITZAN AND GUY SPEAKING HEBREW)

- GUY: Okay.
- So, um...

You guys are, like, homies, right?

- We are not h*m*.
- JOSH: No, I-I...

- You calling us h*m*?
- No, I said you...

- I'm kidding, Joshy.
- (CHUCKLES) Sorry.

Yes, we're homies. We know, we
know each other from the army.

- Oh.
- The, uh, yeah.

We were para, paratroopers together.

- Paratroopers?
- Lebanon w*r.

Jesus. How old were you?

- Eighteen.
- Hmm.

When you go to college, we go to w*r.

That's, uh... Israel for you.

You, you didn't go to college?

No, I went to college.

Studied philosophy.

Yeah, no, you do the army,

after the army you
do the-the university.

And the army's more important.

Know why?

Hmm.

'Cause you realize not
everything is about you.

Yeah.

Everybody seems real patriotic.

And you got a whole
country full of people

who know how to sh**t a g*n.

You know how to sh**t a g*n, huh?

- Me?
- Yeah.

- No, I'm, I'm...
- Yeah.

I don't know how to sh**t a g*n.

I'm an American... I'm an American Jew,

we don't do g*ns.

- Well, what do you have against g*ns?
- Nothing.

I mean, except that they
k*ll innocent people,

like, all the time.

(LAUGHS)

Guy.

Pull over.

- No, no, no, no, no. No, no...
- Uh... Everybody,

- No. No.
- ... we need to stop for five minutes.

- Dude, just shh...
- Joshy needs to do pee pee.

Joshy. Come on.

JOSH: All right.

Okay, let's go.

NITZAN: Come.

- Come on.
- Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(NITZAN AND GUY SPEAKING HEBREW)

I'm gonna take a little walk here.

Well, be careful.

- Don't get dehydrated.
- MAURA: No.

I'm well aware of my hydration.

Thank you.

SARAH: God, why is Josh being
such a d*ck on this trip?

I'm so... irritated

by his, like, "You're taking advantage."

It's like f*cking patriarchal bullshit.

What, because, like, you're the
guy, you're taking advantage?

Like, like, I'm not even here,
like, I don't even have a say?

Like, like, like, Lila and
I are, like, these, like,

these, like, outlines and
you just, like, take your d*ck

and f*cking put it in us?

You're... I mean...

Hold on. Just to be
clear, this is all for you.

- I'm just saying yes to every...
- (LAUGHS)

f*cking sexual
inclination that you have.

Whoa, okay. Wow.

I didn't realize I was,
like, torturing you.

No... you're not... it's not t*rture.

I'm just saying, you wanted this.

Why are you mad at me?

I'm talking about Josh,

and the, like, "You're a love addict,"

and, I mean, I'm
sorry, but that's, like,

that's such bullshit.

Like, love is addiction.

I mean, it's a f*cking oxymoron, really.

"Love addict" is not an oxymoron.

What you mean is that
it's redundant, right?

Okay, whatever. I...
that's not the point.

If I'm an addict, then
everybody's an addict.

I mean, love is, like, uh, getting high,

- that's what love feels like.
- No, it's not. No, it's not.

Love is not being high all the time.

I don't want to be f*cking
crazy high all the time.

Sometimes, I just want to hang out

and watch TV and love our kids.

God!

Most unsatisfied person I know.

(WEAKLY): Okay, I like TV.

NITZAN: Joshy, you ready?

Feel like you guys are taking
me out to k*ll me, or something.

GUY (LAUGHING): Don't worry about it.

(HORNS HONKING)

ALI: How long does this usually take?

I have to meet up with my family.

HUSSEN: You never know.

We do these checkpoints twice a day.

When I was a teenager,
when they built the wall,

my mother would get so nervous,

she'd smoke Marlboro Reds in the car.

And then you'd have to convince
her to roll the windows down.

ALI: So she never got used to it.

HUSSEN: No, she didn't get used to it.

I think she still talks about
it as if it were completely new.

'Cause she...

she knew it before it was like that.

- So, for her...
- Yeah.

It's an offense to her memories.

(ALI CHUCKLES)

ALI: So we leave the car here.

We just leave it and we go on foot?

HUSSEN: Yeah, we walk through.

When we get to the Israel
side, I'll show you how

to get a taxi to your family.

Oh... Okay.

(HORN BLARES, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MAURA: Why are you here?

YOUNGER MAURA: I can't believe the way

Moshe talks to you.

And who is he, anyway? Not family.

No.

He's no one.

YOUNGER MAURA: Do you
remember when you thought

if you weren't trans you
wouldn't hurt anymore?

You know, you abandoned me.

MAURA: I had... I had to choose.

God was making me choose.

YOUNGER MAURA: Just because
you hear God's voice

doesn't mean it's God's voice.

Look at you.

You're here,

and Ali's alive.

MAURA: We are here.

I'm here.

(SOFTLY): I'm here.

(LOUD BUZZER SOUNDS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

It's so crowded. Is it always like this?

It can be, but it's totally random.

(LOUD BUZZER SOUNDS)

(MAN ON P.A. SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

- See you on the other side.
- What?

I'll see you on the
other side. Don't worry.

(MAN REPEATING INSTRUCTIONS OVER P.A.)

- (LOUD BUZZER SOUNDS)
- Sorry.

(PEOPLE SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

MAN: Passport.

Hey, can you look at
me, please? Thank you.

(MAN CONTINUES SPEAKING OVER P.A.)

(g*nsh*t)

What was that?

(g*nshots)

- (MEN CHUCKLE)
- Uh, no earmuffs?

Dude,

you have too much estrogen around you.

- All right, that's-that's true.
- Get that enough.

Well... ready?

- Opa...
- But just a second.

What... what hand do
you masturbate with?

- Both?
- Okay.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Hold it with both.

Whoa.

- Huh?
- Huh?

NITZAN: Looking good.

You like it? Huh?

- It's not... It's not terrible.
- Okay.

JOSH: f*ckin' A.

- GUY: Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

Let's sh**t a g*n.

- NITZAN: You know who you look like?
- Huh?

Clint Eastwood.

- (LAUGHS)
- Shut the f*ck up.

- Look.
- Shut the f*ck up.

Let's do this sh*t.

(g*nsh*t)

- Whoa, whoa!
- Hey, hey!

- Joshy! Oh!
- NITZAN: Josh, Josh, Josh!

- Put the g*n down.
- Joshy! What are you doing?

You don't do a pirouette
with a g*n like this.

- What, are you crazy?
- Drop it. Drop it.

SHELLY: You crazy kid!

I'm sorry, Mom.

- He was about to k*ll me!
- Mom, I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- You pointed the g*n right at me!

Mommy, Mommy, I'm
sorry. I didn't mean it.

- What's going on?
- He pointed the g*n right at me.

- What is going on?
- NITZAN: I didn't tell him to twirl

- with the g*n in his hand, you know.
- What is going on?

- He did it on his own.
- No, you go back...

You go back to the bus. And
get that g*n out of here.

- What's going on?
- I didn't mean it, I...

I freaked out. I might...

- You tried to k*ll me.
- I did not!

I just got mixed up.

I didn't mean to do that. I did...

- I freaked, I just...
- MAURA: All right, all right.

- Give them space.
- What happened? I heard Mom screaming.

- Come on. Give them space.
- SHELLY: He tried to k*ll me.

- SARAH: What?
- JOSH: I... I didn't!

I ruined 'em, and now
they want to k*ll me.

- MAURA: No, no, no.
- JOSH: I don't.

Mom, I was actually
trying not to k*ll you.

- MAURA: Relax, please.
- JOSH: I swear.

I f*cked up. I'm a f*ck-up, okay?

SHELLY: I don't want you to say that.

I just want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy.

- I love you.
- Okay, okay, if you want that...

- If you want that...
- What?

you have to stop.

You can't do that.

The kissing me on the lips
is like an as*ault!

What's wrong with kissing on the lips?

It's too much, it's just
too much... it's weird.

And the Mario.

- I can't do Mario anymore.
- MAURA: Who is Mario?

- SARAH: He's the driver, right?
- Mario's the person that she...

the character she does when
she can't deal with reality.

- That's not true.
- That is true!

SARAH: What? What are you talking about?

You have no idea what it's
like to be me in my body.

To try to erase yourself.

To be anxious because of your kids.

It was like... fingernails
on a chalkboard...

when they would call me Mommy.

And those two times that I was in

those two mental hospitals...

Wait, I thought she was in Fresno.

SHELLY: It was a relief

not being a mother.

SARAH: Do you hate us?

SHELLY: No, I don't hate
you, but your Moppa's not

the only one who's suffered.

SARAH: Mom, I... What
are you talking about?

I said it in my show.

- I wasn't there.
- Yes, exactly, exactly.

You weren't there,
but your sisters were,

and your Moppa was,
and I loudly exclaimed

that I had a secret.

And none of you asked me about it.

You never asked me about it.
Strangers asked me about it.

You know, people from Denmark...

- Yes, yes.
- Scandinavian people...

Your secret... your secret.

You were talking about me.

No. No.

I was talking about me.

SARAH: What was it?

I mean, I'm sorry that we didn't ask.

I didn't... I thought... I didn't...

We just figured it would be rude.

I was ten years old.

SHELLY: Then there was this
teacher, this Mr. Stenger,

who said that he saw my talent, or so I,

I thought. And then, when we were alone,

the things happened,
and so I stopped eating.

(JOSH GASPS, SOBS)

SHELLY: I was...

molested.