02x07 - Frankie and Amelia's Fun Friend Weekend

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bizaardvark". Aired June 24, 2016 - April 2019.*
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"Bizaardvark" follows two 12 year-old best friends, who post funny songs and comedic videos about their everyday lives on the Internet.
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02x07 - Frankie and Amelia's Fun Friend Weekend

Post by bunniefuu »

- What's up, guys? I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

And we're Bizaardvark.

Are you sick of your parents

driving you places
and cramping your style?

Well, what if the way you
got places gave you style?

- Nice! Unscripted.
- Thank you.

Check out our new video, "Flying Shoes."

♪ Woke up to a funky b*at ♪

- ♪ Got a new outfit ♪
- ♪ Looking so sweet ♪

- ♪ My shoes are muddy and old ♪
- ♪ Oh no ♪

♪ And I got a hole in my right big toe ♪

- ♪ Shoe repair? ♪
- ♪ I ain't looking for a fix ♪

- ♪ Let's hit the shoe store ♪
- ♪ Time for new kicks ♪

♪ I heard they make shoes for flying ♪

♪ What? No way!
Let's go buy 'em ♪

♪ We want flying shoes ♪

♪ We want shoes that can fly ♪

- Can we see your flying shoes?
- ♪ Everything came to a halt ♪

♪ He said, "Follow me, 'cause
we keep 'em in a vault" ♪

♪ Led me and Paige
to the back of the store ♪

♪ To a room that said "Flying
Shoes Only" on the door ♪

♪ He punched in the code ♪

♪ And to our surprise ♪

- ♪ There were two pair left ♪
- Both: ♪ Just in our size ♪

- ♪ One was all silver ♪
- Paige: ♪ One gold and white ♪

- ♪ We had our flying shoes ♪
- ♪ We were ready to take flight ♪

♪ We got flying shoes ♪

♪ We got shoes that can fly ♪

Liftoff!

♪ 'Cause you know we on fleek ♪

- ♪ Let's do a flyby ♪
- ♪ Our friends are gonna freak ♪

♪ You wish you had these shoes ♪

♪ Now what should we do? ♪

♪ Let's pull a uey
and hit the drive-thru ♪

- ♪ What do we want? ♪
- ♪ Two chocolate shakes ♪

♪ Our shoes are acting funny ♪

♪ There's a problem with the brakes! ♪

- Screech!
- ♪ Into the face ♪

- ♪ We can't see! ♪
- Paige: ♪ Crash into each other ♪

♪ Then we crashed into a tree ♪

♪ We don't need no flying shoes ♪

♪ Just some shoes that are fly ♪

♪ Let's return these flying shoes ♪

♪ 'Cause we're too young to die ♪

Looks like these have been used.

Just normal wear and tear.

From the... street.

No problem. We can take these back,

assuming you still have your receipt.

Receipt?

Noooo!

♪ You could spend all day ♪

♪ On a swing eating a baguette ♪

♪ But why do boring things like that ♪

♪ When there's the Internet? ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ Let's go make some videos ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ You could watch Dirk
doing crazy dares ♪

- ♪ Saying, "Here we go" ♪
- Here we go!

♪ He'll do anything you want ♪

♪ Just don't try this at home ♪

♪ Or watch Amelia teaching ya ♪

♪ How to look your best ♪

♪ Making over people is
her never-ending quest ♪

♪ You could watch... ♪

Do you have constant foot odor?

♪ You could watch us make
ridiculously funny videos ♪

♪ Like the one with evil pop-up books ♪

♪ That punch you in the nose ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

And I... I missed it.

Bernard. Bernard. Bernard.

Grandma? Wh-what are you doing here?

I have a surprise!

I'm so proud of you for finishing

that wilderness class
I signed you up for,

I'm taking you on a camping trip

so you can show off your skills!

Really? When?

Tonight! And the whole g*ng is invited.

Dirk, Fake Girlfriend,

Braids, Hangs With Braids.

Count me in, Grandma!

I love camping!

I'll text my mom
and see if I can go too.

It's so exciting!
I've never been camping.

Look, I'm gonna pass. I'm not a camper.

Fresh air makes me feel
like I'm choking.

I'm out too. I've heard
the WiFi in nature is terrible.

Let's get packing!

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Text me.

- Looks like it's just you and me.
- Yup.

Me and you.

- Ah! This is so awkward.
- I know.

When... when our friends
are around, we're fine,

but when it's just the two of
us, we have nothing to say,

and we just bury ourselves
in our phones.

I'm sorry. What'd you say?

Frankie...

we need to be better friends.

We're around each other all the time.

What if we get paired up
for a science project?

Or we find ourselves
on the couch, alone,

after everyone else has gone on a...

It's happening!

You're right. You know, we...
we never actually try

to hang out, just the two of us.

It can't be that hard
to become better friends.

- Yeah.
- All we have to do

is find something
we both have in common.

Yeah. How about we just, um,
we take turns listing things

we like alphabetically until we
find something we both like?

- Okay. I'll go first.
- Okay.

"A." Amelia.

Well, this is off to a great start.

Okay. "V."

- Violets.
- v*olence.

Did you say "v*olence"?

No, I said, "Violets."

Pretty purple flowers.

Ah! All those words are
the opposite of "v*olence"!

"W."

Wing Time Willy's.

Did you just say, "Wing Time Willy's"?

Home of the Hundred
to do the challenge! Yes!

I've always wanted to do the challenge

but I've never had a partner.

Me neither. Paige can't
handle spicy food.

- She sweats from her ears. It's gross.
- Ugh.

Amelia, will you do Wing Time Willy's
Hundred Hot Wings Challenge with me?

Honey, I'll do anything

where the prize is getting
my picture on a wall.

Now let's go scarf down hot wings

until our mouths burn
and we taste our own blood!

I dig this side of you.

Oh! I can't believe I'm going camping!

Do you think we'll see bears? The
baby ones are okay to hug, right?

Actually, don't tell me.
I want to be surprised.

Well, it looks like we're all packed.

Let's make like my fourth ex-husband
and get outta here quickly.

Dude, I gotta tell you something.

I'm not really a camping expert.

You made that up?

Wait. You still have that supermodel
girlfriend, though, right?

Yeah, don't worry about that.

I never went to the wilderness
class Grandma signed me up for.

Remember that Irish dancing game
that was at Vuuugle for a while?

Give up on that game now, laddie!

Your footwork is rubbish.

You'll never b*at
Seamus O'Tierney's top score!

And I should know. I'm Seamus O'Tierney.

I couldn't let that Australian
guy talk to me like that...

...so I became obsessed
with b*ating his top score.

Every day Grandma dropped me
off for wilderness class,

but I went to Vuuugle instead.

Ya call that dancing?

It's like you're digging
a hole in the floor!

And finally, it paid off...

Look at him.

Congratulations, Bernie Shotz!

You've earned your pick
of any maiden in the lounge.

Eh, it's just dudes.

I have to stop this trip
before we get to the campsite,

or Grandma's gonna know
I wasted her $500.

- So, what are we gonna do?
- Not a problem.

I took Grandma's car key
and threw it out the window.

With my arm strength, it's probably in
the next town. We're not going anywhere.

Ah, Bern-Man, why did you tell me that?

If someone asks me what's going on,

I'll have to tell the truth.

You know the three pillars
of the DareMeBro Code:

Take all dares, never lie,

and the world is flat.

Wait, what?

L-look, if Grandma asks you about this,

just tell her a different truth.

That way you're not lying.

I can do that.

Hey! Frick and Frack.

I can't find my car key. Do you
have any idea where it could be?

Uh... I cry when I see bunnies!

Huh?

And there's, uh,
there's lots of bunnies in the forest

and no car, so we can't go camping.
I'll start unpacking.

Hey, Grandma Shotz. I found your key.

It was laying just outside the window,

literally inches from the house.

I've been having rotator cuff issues.

Great work, Braids. Let's hit the road.

Nothing's gonna stop us from camping!

Oh, by the way, the car stereo
is busted, but don't worry.

from my trucker days.

♪ Peeing in a cup, peeing in a cup ♪

♪ Such a long trip ♪

♪ Shoulda brought a bigger cup ♪

Woo! Camping, camping, camping!

These girls have one hour
to eat a hundred wings!

No napkins. No leavin' the table.
No drinks.

Does imported sparkling pomegranate
iced tea count as a drink?

No drinks.

That cost $80!

All right, Amelia, we need to win this,

so don't do that thing
where you eat all dainty.

Are you eating the bones?

Nibble.

Oh! Too spicy!

Ooh! Hot, hot!

Okay, one last wing!

Eat through the pain! Eat through it!

Amelia, that... was amazing.

I know. I can't believe we...

...did it.

You know, maybe...
we're better friends...

than we thought.

Hey, do you wanna sleep over tonight?

Oh my gosh. Yes, I'd love to.

This is gonna be the most epic
weekend of our entire lives.

We have nothing else in common, do we?

Nope.

- Hey, guys! I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

And we're Bizaardvark.

Today, we are doing
the Cotton Ball Challenge.

Yeah, so basically,

we're gonna put some
sticky stuff on our noses,

- put our hands behind our back.
- Behind our back.

Whoever puts all the cotton balls

into the other bowl first wins.

This is why the Internet was invented.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah, yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Okay.

- Ready, set...
- Wait. No. Hold on.

- Ready? Wait, no.
- Hold on.

My hair.

No. Stop. Gotta get...

Gotta be standing straight.

- Ready, set, go.
- Okay, ready?

Oh! Ah! Okay.

Ponytail timeout.

- Hold on.
- Look at... look at...

We gotta resume.

Look at all these ones
that you got... Wait!

Mine's over here!

I got it!

I'm good.

I didn't cheat.

But I got them all in there.

Me too, but I got it first.

- I win.
- How did you get them all in there?

With my no

We're not leaving here until you pick
all those up and put 'em in that bowl.

You didn't say how.

This is ridiculous! Paige, Bernie, and
Dirk are gonna come back from camping

with fun stories about
how much they bonded.

And... and what are we gonna have?

- Nothing.
- Yeah.

Except our picture on a wall of winners

and endless indigestion.

You said this weekend was gonna be epic.

We-we... we burped our feelings.

We wiped sauce on each other.

We have the foundation of a friendship.

Now... we must build on that foundation.

Time is not on our side,

but... I'm sure if we show
each other stuff

we like to do,

we'll find something else
we're both into.

I knew we had something else in common.

I love karaoke. Wh-what kind
of songs are we gonna do?

- Songs?
- Yeah.

Why would I waste it on songs?

I bought it 'cause it does this.

Amelia.

Amelia.

Amelia.

Seriously?

- ♪ So much pee ♪
- Dirk: ♪ Eee... ♪

♪ Eeee ♪

♪ Shoulda brought a bigger cup ♪

Okay, okay, so I've been rubbing
these weird-looking plants

all over my skin to give myself a rash.

I think I can get this trip
canceled for real this time.

Bern-Man, just tell your
Grandma you wasted her $500.

What's the worst she could do to you?

Ahh! I stubbed my toe
on this stupid branch!

Uh-oh, look at this rash.

I must've come into contact
with something poisonous.

According to my wilderness expertise,

we should end this trip immediately.

Oh, hang on. I brought
a plant remedy field guide.

A what whaty what what?

These leaves should cure that rash.

You know, I really think the
hospital would be the safer option.

Nah. Hey, Braids!

While you're at it, can you cure the
rash on his lower back and legs?

Grandma!

What?

It's working!

Yeah. You can see
the rash fading already.

Okay, the rules of New
World Pioneers are simple.

If you roll a six or lower, you
get a dozen bushels of wheat,

which you can either eat, store or trade

for three donkeys
and/or seven otter pelts,

only if you roll a nine or
higher on your next three turns.

- Got it.
- Okay.

Game over, I win!

Okay, good bathroom break.

- Everyone ready to keep hiking?
- Yeah!

Yeah.

Um, who is this?

Oh, this is Wolftooth.

He lives in the woods.
I invited him to hike with us.

Okay. What do you do
in the woods, Wolftooth?

Bury stuff.

Mmm.

Uh, Bern-Man?

This dude looks like he could hurt us.

I know! We're totally
not gonna make it to the campsite!

So, umm... that's a, uh...

a nice a*, Wolftooth.

Yeah, I had a bigger one,
but it got stuck...

somewhere.

Ha-have you, umm, ever thought
about being a lumberjack?

Actually, that was my dream,

but my parents wanted me to go into
the family's accounting business.

Accounting? But you don't
want to chop numbers.

You want to chop trees.

That's what I told them.


So, what you're saying is...

- trees are my path...
- Mm-hmm.

- ...the sky is my future...
- Mmm.

...and the a* is my true spirit!

I think you're ready to live your dream.

You're right.

I'm gonna find the nearest
lumberjack school and enroll.

My new life begins now!

By the way, I was planning

on stealing your stuff and
leaving you all in the woods.

You can all thank Paige
your camping trip continues.

Okay, if you're not gonna look for me,

then it's technically not hide-and-seek.

Amelia, let's just give up, okay?

We tried everything, but besides wings,

we don't have anything in common.

Maybe our friendship just is what it is.

Raccoon!

- Hey, kids! I'm Dirk!
- And I'm Bernie.

And today, we're gonna be telling you

a magical kids' story

- one...
- word...

at...

...a time. We'll work on it.

- Here we go!
- Okay, the title will be...

"Trucks and Waffles."

- Once...
- there...

- was...
- a...

waffle...

- who...
- liked...

trucks...

- So...
- he...

- bought...
- a...

- truck...
- and...

- went...
- to...

the syrup.

- Sorry.
- You said two words!

- I know, I'm sorry. The...
- town...

- bought...
- syrup...

syrup...

"drove," uh...

butter...

butter...

truck...

truck...

waffle...

friends...

syrup...

syrup...

waffle...

syrup.

- Do that, kids. Yeah.
- Do that.

Thank you, guys, so much for watching.

- We're gonna go buy some waffles.
- Okay. Oh wow.

Go, go, go! Where is it?

- Go, go, go! Go, go!
- I don't see him!

Why did my dad pick tonight

to do a 12-hour surgery?

Don't worry. I grew up on a farm.

- I know how to scare off raccoons.
- Okay.

- Human sacrifice!
- Wait! No, you go.

- No, you go! You go!
- No, it's fine, you go. Go ahead, go ahead.

Good evening. I assume you girls

don't speak raccoon, so I'll
communicate telepathically.

- No, you go.
- Please. No, you go.

- No, no, go ahead. Go.
- Frankie!

My name is Wallace,

and I seem to have wandered
off from my family.

Can you tell me where I am?

No, I can't go.

Hmm, perhaps you'll
be able to understand me better

if I speak in a gentle, soothing voice.

Okay, zero for two.

What if I stood like a human?

That should ease your fears.

- It's gonna att*ck!
- Get on the island!

Go! Go, go, go, go!

Oh! I see we're
climbing onto things now.

What fun! I bet I can get up there too!

Finally! My first campsite.

First smell of pine.

First reaction to pine.

All right, I wanna see
my survival expert at work.

Let me see you set up a tent.

Now, hang on. In wilderness class,

I learned that the most
important part of camping is

identifying trees.

Yup, there's one
of those triangle trees.

Very common for this area.

Oh.

Bernard, the tent!

Oh. Uh, right, okay.

So, the first step is
you need to skillfully

and carefully take
the tent out of the bag.

Clearly, these are defective tents.

These tents are so easy to put up.

Bernard, what is going on?

Umm, I...

Dirk, what is going on?

Bern-Man used
your wilderness class money

on an Irish dancing arcade game

and wouldn't stop because an old guy
said he couldn't b*at his score!

Bernard, is that true?

Yeah, Grandma, it... it's true.

I wanted you to take that class

so you would grow up
and learn some life skills.

Instead, you wasted my money.

I am very disappointed in you.

- He's got your cell phone.
- Well, what's a raccoon gonna do with...

Don't post that, raccoon!

Oh! Amelia, how are we gonna
get out of here? I'm scared!

You listen to me, Frankie
middle-name-unknown Wong!

We will make it out of this house alive.

- We will?
- Yes.

Before today, did you think we could
eat a hundred wings in an hour?

- Yes.
- Well, we did.

So here's the plan. You and I are
gonna climb off this island together

with our heads held high and our
hearts filled with courage!

- You with me?
- I'm with you!

- Ready?
- Ready.

Bernard! We're surrounded by scorpions!

Go find someone who can save us!

Use your lucky feet, laddie.

It's what you've trained for.

No! I'll save you!

Dirk, turn your flashlights
on and off like a video game!

On it!

Paige, play an Irish dancing song!

Uh, are we talking
more hornpipe or slip jig?

I'll just go with what feels right.

And, Grandma, heckle me!

Are we talking insult your
manhood or general appearance?

I'll just go with what feels right.

You walk like a duck.
You sleep in a baby bed.

I've lost you in a poker game. Twice!

Bern-Man, that was legit!

Totally! Now what's your
plan to get us out of here?

Okay, so according
to my wilderness expertise...

Darn it, that doesn't work anymore.

Hang on.

These are emperor scorpions.

We studied them in class.
They don't sting!

Whoa. Emperor scorpions?

I didn't know we were
in the presence of royalty.

It's an honor, sir.

Grandma, I'm sorry I lied to you.

Thank you, Bernard.

I am so proud of you.

I thought you were disappointed in me,

and I didn't save you.

I'm not disappointed.

What you did took courage.

You don't need a wilderness class

to prove to me that you're growing up.

Thanks, Grandma.

I just found out there's no such
thing as lumberjack school.

Well, it's official.

It's the raccoon's house now.

Yup. My dad is not gonna
be happy about that.

And remember how we didn't
want to go camping,

but now we're
literally outside, camping?

Even better, we're "glamping."

- And thanks, Amelia.
- For what?

For saving me back there.

What are friends for?

- How crazy was today?
- So crazy.

We ate a hundred wings,

we met the actual Wing Time Willy,

and then a raccoon tried to k*ll us.

I know. We were stuck on the island,

and we were like...

and then the raccoon as like...

I can hear
you, and that is not how I sound.

Just for that, I'm posting

that unflattering photo I took of you.
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