02x08 - "Frankie's Cheating Teacher

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guys! Paige and Frankie here

with a Bizaardvark Challenge,
featuring a special guest:

my dad.

Hello.

I'm so excited, I'm finally in a video.

Yeah. He's been asking me
for two months.

We are here to do the Egghead Challenge.

I have got a dozen eggs.

Half of them are hard-boiled
and half of them are raw.

Now Frankie and her dad are
gonna take turns choosing eggs

and cracking them on their heads.

Hopefully, the ones that
they chose are hard-boiled.

What? I-I thought you
guys made music videos.

No, we're gonna... We'll
put music over this later.

- Go! Your turn first.
- Go ahead.

- No, please.
- No, no, go ahead.

Okay, here we go. Okay,
here we go, and...

- It's all over your...
- You're up. Your turn!

- Now, your turn.
- No, I don't have to go.

- You already lost, right?
- It's your turn.

No. No, no, no. You've got...

- No cheating!
- Stop, I'm not!

I can look at the egg!

- That's cheating!
- It's cool time, let's go.

- Ha!
- Oh!

- Here we go.
- Okay.

- Oh!
- Oh! Why? Why? Why?

Why? It's like it's on this side!

- Okay, okay...
- You have such bad luck!

- Just, come on.
- No, this is a yolk.

- It didn't break.
- You have to hit it harder!

- Oh! You are such a cheater!
- Oh! What...

It didn't break on my head. No! Paige!

- Woo!
- Oh! Finally!

Yes! Hard-boiled.

- Hard-boiled.
- How do you...

It's like it cooks on her head.

- Hey! Yes!
- Oh! Okay.

- Come on, Frankie.
- This is the one!

- Nope!
- Ohh!

- I'm so good at this!
- How are you so lucky?

- Here we go.
- Okay, round five.

All right, come on.

Yes! Yes!

It's finally got her!

So disgusting! How am
I gonna get this out?

- No!
- We have one more for someone else here.

Yes! Yes!

Aww.

Bizaardvark.

♪ You could spend all day ♪

♪ On a swing eating a baguette ♪

♪ But why do boring things like that ♪

♪ When there's the Internet? ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ Let's go make some videos ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ You could watch Dirk
doing crazy dares ♪

- ♪ Saying, "Here we go" ♪
- Here we go!

♪ He'll do anything you want ♪

♪ Just don't try this at home ♪

♪ Or watch Amelia teaching ya ♪

♪ How to look your best ♪

♪ Making over people is
her never-ending quest ♪

♪ You could watch... ♪

Do you have constant foot odor?

♪ You could watch us make
ridiculously funny videos ♪

♪ Like the one with evil pop-up books ♪

♪ That punch you in the nose ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

And I... I missed it.

The beauty of "Romeo and Juliet"

lies in the symbolism

and the metaphors used to...

Okay, who's bored?

All right, let's make
Shakespeare more fun.

Okay?

I need two people up here

to act out the death scene.

Ooh!

Get up here, ladies.

All right, here's your fake poison

and your fake poison.

And... die!

- Ohh!
- Ohh!

Bravo, ladies!

All right, see you tomorrow, everyone.

Hey, you want to finish your
dad's video during lunch?

It's so cool he asked us
to help him make one

- for his online dating profile.
- Totally.

I'm so happy he wants
to start dating again.

You know, last night I walked
in on him dancing with a lamp.

In a land
where loneliness reigns supreme,

only one man can save love.

Hi, ladies. I'm Dr. Douglas Wong.

Isn't it time to stop dating a zero...

...and get with

Dr. Hero?

Message me, unless you can't handle

being with a guy this fly.

Dog lovers preferred!

- Nailed it.
- Love is easy.

This pain is unbearable!

It's a nightmare that will not end!

Dirk?

You okay?

Yeah.

Just having some minor back issues.

Do you want to talk about it?

Nah.

Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow.

All right, well, good night.

End it now!

My body's on fire!

You know what?

I'm up.

What's going on?

I think my back hurts

from sleeping on your floor
the last few months.

Well, what are we gonna do?

We can't get a new floor,
and you can't get a new back.

Those are clearly the only two options.

Hey!

Since you live here now,

why don't we just get a bunk bed?

Bern-Man, that's a great idea!

I'll sleep peacefully tonight
knowing we solved that problem.

Ahh! It's like a lightning storm

in my body!

♪ Dr. Hero, he's a hero doctor ♪

♪ He still has most of his hair ♪

- I don't know, uh...
- Dad.

Every second your profile
doesn't have a video on it

is one more second
no one's gonna contact you.

Someone just messaged you.

First of all, burn.

Second, what did she say?

- "Hi."
- Ohh!

Do I just write back "hi"?

No!

You've got to be more real, like, uh,

"I'm a doctor. I make honey money."

No, that's not how you do it.

You have to ask a question about her.

Okay, got it.

"You ever seen a dead body?"

Why would you send that?

It's called small talk, Paige.

I'll fix this.

If you could be any animal,

would you be a sea otter?

- Again with the sea otters?
- Well, you never want to talk about them.

Oh, she's writing back.

"I'm more of a flamingo,

and yes, one time in a dumpster."

Okay, red flag. I do not like flamingos.

Okay, this has been fun.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to go...

test this in the garage.

Ohh, I think your dad needs
to meet someone in person.

Ohh, yeah.

Ooh, what about back-to-school night?

There's gonna be single moms there,
plus, my dad's already going.

That's perfect.

We're just gonna ignore what's going on

- in your garage, right?
- Yeah, 100 percent.

Just picked up the latest
issue of Fun Bed magazine.

I really should renew my subscription.

Now, more than ever, it's
important to be informed.

Remember, we're looking
for something cool,

but also practical.

Obviously. We're two grown men.

Whoa, a hamburger bed!

I can wear my red pajamas
and be the ketchup.

Oh, my.

She's glorious!

Yacht Bed!

Two mattress decks,

a video game center,

satellite TV.

Surround sound speaker system.

A mini fridge.

A giant horn!

She's the one.

Pricey, but...

you pay for luxury.

We're gonna have to tap into
some of your DareMeBro money.

Uh...

what DareMeBro money?

Your channel has millions of viewers.

You must bring in tons of cash.

I do, but I spend it all on my videos.

I mean, my cannon budget alone

is a hundred grand.

And then there's that guy in Indiana

who dares me to send him
500 bucks a week!

Yeah, yeah. I get how business works.

Look, if we're gonna buy this yacht bed,

we're gonna have to find
another way to get the money.

I got it!

We'll check the couch
cushions for spare change!

He's my hero.

Frankie, I appreciate it, but I
don't think back-to-school night

is a place for me to meet someone.

Oh, totally, Dad. I get it.

Wow, Dr. Wong!

Tell me more about how you like

to take women you just met
on luxurious vacations.

Frankie! I need to talk to you.
Excuse me.

I don't really need to talk to you,

I just can't keep lying to Connor's mom

that her kid has a future.

Oh, Dad, this is my teacher, Ms. Bates.

Uh, spoiler alert,
I'm a mediocre student

and there is room for improvement.

Have at it.

Hey! Okay.

I've been scouting all the moms,

and I'm leaning towards
Sky's mom, the hair stylist.

This doesn't just happen, you know.

You know what, I like the way you think.

Just because we're setting up my dad,

doesn't mean we can't
get something out of it.

Who else is there?

Hmm.

Oh, what about Tara's mom?

I hear she's a lot mellower
since she got out of prison.

You know what, I just heard
myself say it. Forget it.

Ooh. What about Heather?

Doesn't her mom smell like soup?

Heather has a car.

Don't we all smell like soup?

Oh, Dad, I have someone
I want you to meet.

How do you feel about minestrone?

Actually, I already met someone.

Ms. Bates and I totally hit it off.

We're thinking about grabbing coffee.

- Oh.
- If that's okay with you.

- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
- Great.

I'll go tell her it's a date.

You were right, Frankie. This was
the perfect place to meet someone.

What the heck just happened?

My dad's going on a date
with our teacher?

- Hey, guys! I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

And we're Bizaardvark.

We're here with Dirk and Bernie

to do the "Don't Laugh" Challenge.

Oh, no, this is gonna be hard.

Do you like my hair?

This act is dead. This act is dead.

Get it? 'Cause I'm small
and the whistle's big.

Hi...

My name's Fred.

You like me?

- I don't like you, Fred.
- She won.

You lost. You lost.

How you doing?

Yes!

Oh!

- I think you lost.
- Did I?

I did not laugh.

- They went out again last night?
- It's been three dates!

She's been to my house.

She has a first name.

It's Dana!

Are we even allowed to know that?

I just don't want anyone else
to know about them.

I just want my school to be my school

and my home to be my home.

It's starting to mess with my head.

All right, class,

instead of studying The Scarlett Letter,

I've written a book of my own

called A Romantic Evening
With Frankie's Dad.

Twenty-six chapters,

excruciating detail.

Um...

Don't mind Frankie.

She just got this weird cough
that's going around.

So.

Okay, time for a quick
writing assignment.

Write about other romantic dates

Frankie's dad and I could go on,

and please incorporate
the following words or phrases.

"Snuggles."

"Kissing."

"Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,

mwah, mwah...

No. No more "mwah, mwah"!

Uh...

Yes, Frankie, No More Mwah Mwah.

That is actually the original title

of The Scarlett Letter.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Moving on.

can anyone tell me what letter
Hester Prynne wore on her dress?

An "A."

That's correct.

And "A" is also the key

we'll be singing in...

♪ School and home, school and home ♪

♪ Everywhere Ms. Bates will roam ♪

♪ Tests in bed, dad at school ♪

♪ It's the end of being cool ♪

No, no! Stop singing! Stop singing!

Stop singing!

Stop si...

Uh...

Nope, sorry. I can't go
with you on that one.

Frankie?

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah. I'm... I'm good.

Well...

if you ever want to chat,
we can talk here

or we can talk at your house.

I'm always around.

So, Mr. Schotz and Mr. MeBro,

you're looking to borrow
money from our bank

so you can buy a yacht?

Correct.

We currently have a small ship.

But if we don't make this upgrade,

I don't think I'll be able
to sleep at night.

Great. So, how often do you
plan on using this yacht?

Oh, at least eight hours a day.

Plus, weekend naps,

and obviously the
occasional pretend time

with pirate att*cks,
mermaids, and what have you.

I see. And what interest rate
were you thinking about?

Oh. Our interest rate... is very high.

I need to stop sleeping on the
floor as soon as possible.

Gentlemen, do you happen
to have a picture of this

yacht that you're hoping to purchase?

Yeah.

Oh, I see what's going on.

You two are idiots.

You saw the giant horn, right?

We're done here.

And, uh, just out of morbid curiosity,

what's in the briefcase?

We're making tacos later.

Five dates, Paige.
They've been on five dates.

- I know this is awkward for you.
- Everyone knows.

The entire school.

I mean, look at them.

They're all making fun of me.

I really think this is all in your head.

I mean, how would anybody even know

that your dad and Ms.
Bates are together?

And now,

in front of all the popular kids,

who determine who's cool

and who gets made fun of...

I now pronounce you,

teacher and dad.

You may now

laugh at Frankie.

No! I object!

I object!

That's it.

I can't take this anymore.

- Frankie, what are you doing?
- I need to break them up.

What? How?

I'm gonna snoop around her desk

until I find something that will make
my dad want to end things with her.

Frankie, this is crazy.

We can't just look through
a teacher's...

C minus!

I worked hard on this!

What kind of monster is she?

I'll be right there.

I just left something in my classroom.

Ms. Bates!

Hide!

Hide better!

Hi, there, Max.

I can't wait for our
date tonight, either.

Just the two of us at Lombardo's.

I love you too, baby.

She's cheating on your dad!

No.

She's cheating...

on my dad.

Okay, I feel like we said the same
words, but you said them wrong.

This is exactly what I need
to break them up.

We'll just... We'll go
to Lombardo's tonight,

film Ms. Bates with this Max
guy and show it to my dad.

Yeah!

I can't wait to go in there

and give that two-timing cheat
a piece of my mind!

- You're just gonna do the filming.
- Oh, thank goodness.

All right, we just need
to find Ms. Bates,

film her with this Max guy and
prove to my dad she's a liar.

There she is.

I don't know why I gasped.
We knew she'd be here.

And that must be Max.

Hey, what a small world.

Oh-h-h-h-h!

Drop the act, Dana!

Yeah, that's right.
I know your first name.

I know it, too!

But I'm still gonna call you Ms. Bates
because that's more appropriate.

We know you're cheating on my
dad, and now we have proof!

What?

Cheating teacher. Is there anything sicker?

Yeah, and you can tell
that slimeball Max,

I don't like his stupid face.

Why doesn't she like my face, Mommy?

Frankie, Paige,

this is my son, Max.

- Hello.
- A pleasure.

This is Max's favorite restaurant.

So, wait. Who...

Who was the guy in the suit
who kissed your cheek?

The owner, and an old friend.

Ohh.

Well, I'm so glad
this is all in my head.

No? Okay. Run. Run!

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Pay careful attention to my form.

And you're gonna want to do

about 50 of those a day!

I can't believe this video
hasn't made us any money yet.

Is it possible that not as many people

have access to cannons as we thought?

Nah, dude. People have cannons!

I don't understand. Who
wouldn't want to buy this?

It's a great value at $19.99...

...99.

This is so frustrating.

We need that yacht bed.

Why is finding money so hard?

Your walls are filled with money?

Yeah. It gets chilly in here

and money makes the best insulation.

All of our problems are solved!

Oww!

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dr. Wong.

Hi, Douglas.

I took bread from the restaurant.

Dana, we should probably talk.

Frankie, I'll deal with you later.

Girls, would you mind keeping
an eye on Max for a moment?

- No problem.
- I'm not great with kids, but you...

Okay.

So, Max...

you like dinosaurs?

Yeah. I like the blue ones,

the ones with scales,

and there's this one
in a movie that flies.

Look what you've started.

My mom gave me this robot

and it's not even my birthday.

She's been pretty happy lately.

Maybe it's... because of your dad.

You're right.

I guess my dad has been
pretty happy lately, too.

Dad, can I talk to you for a second?

Come on, Max, we should probably go.

No, I want you to hear this, too.

And Paige, you can also stay.

Never planned on leaving.

Dad, I messed up.

It's just, you dating Ms.
Bates has been hard for me,

but, I mean, seeing you two just now,

I realize I've only been thinking

about how this is affecting me,

not how happy this is making you.

I'm sorry.

To you, too, Ms. Bates.

Thanks, Frankie.

Thanks, kiddo.

And I'm sorry I haven't been
checking in with you more.

This is new to me, too.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

Sorry we couldn't afford the bed.

Aw.

Come on, Bern-Man.

You couldn't have known
that you were gonna break

all 27 bones in your hand.

Or that the doctor would charge you
extra because he didn't like you.

Well, what are we
gonna do about your back?

You still have to sleep on the ground.

Luckily, we still had enough money left

to buy these noise-canceling headphones.

- Good night, Bern-Man!
- Good night, Dirk!

It's like I'm sleeping on razors!

Bernie! Help me!