02x14 - A k*ller Robot Christmas

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bizaardvark". Aired June 24, 2016 - April 2019.*
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"Bizaardvark" follows two 12 year-old best friends, who post funny songs and comedic videos about their everyday lives on the Internet.
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02x14 - A k*ller Robot Christmas

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, guys! What's the best thing to do

with your friends over the holidays?

Lip sync!

We're gonna listen
to our favorite Christmas songs

and make cool videos.

And you guys can sing along!

Let's do it!

♪ You could spend all day ♪

♪ On a swing eating a baguette ♪

♪ But why do boring things like that ♪

♪ When there's the Internet? ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ Let's go make some videos ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ You could watch Dirk
doing crazy dares ♪

- ♪ Saying, "Here we go" ♪
- Here we go!

♪ He'll do anything you want ♪

♪ Just don't try this at home ♪

♪ Or watch Amelia teaching ya ♪

♪ How to look your best ♪

♪ Making over people is
her never-ending quest ♪

♪ You could watch... ♪

Do you have constant foot odor?

♪ You could watch us make
ridiculously funny videos ♪

♪ Like the one with evil pop-up books ♪

♪ That punch you in the nose ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

And I... I missed it.

So, are you guys excited

to come to Vuuugle's
holiday party later?

Yeah!

And are you excited
to open some presents?

Yeah!

Let me try something.

Are you excited about the way
corporate America

has turned the holidays
into one big money grab?

Yeah!

They're nine. They say "yeah."

See you guys later!

Yeah!

It feels so good to give back
to our community,

and give those kids a holiday
party they're never gonna forget.

Don't you just love the holidays?

Of course. There's a TV channel

with a log on fire

24 hours a day.

That's the only thing you like?

What about all the Christmas miracles?

It's a log! On fire! Twenty-four seven.

Poof! Miracle!

Frankie, I'm serious.

The holidays aren't just magical
'cause we get two weeks off of school.

Magical things can happen.

Paige... Sweetie...

normally, your
childlike wonder's endearing,

but Christmas miracles aren't real.

It's just something
parents tell their kids,

like, "Your goldfish is just
taking an upside down nap."

I can't believe how many
donations we're getting.

I know, Tiffany. It was so sweet of you

to organize the Vuuugle toy drive.

Are you kidding?

I love the feeling of inspiring
others to give.

Put a toy in the basket!

Thanks for donating!

No way! A puppy princess cowgirl doll?

I mean, uh... whatever.

You guys know what I like by now.

But you know what I really want
for Hanukkah this year?

A kiss... from you.

I'd rather get you the action figure.

It's a doll.

Everybody, I have
an exciting announcement.

Christmas at Vuuugle is canceled!

What? Why?

Well, I started reading an inspiring
book with this great hero,

named Scrooge. He ruins Christmas.

But, in the end Scrooge learns that...

Ah-ah-ah! No spoilers!

Liam, we invited a bunch
of kids to the holiday party.

They're huge Bizaardvark fans.

They're gonna be crushed.

Really? You've known me
for almost two years,

and your argument
is, "What about the kids?"

Oh, Paige. Bah, humbug.

He can't cancel Christmas.

I know! It makes me so
mad I just want a kiss!

Uh, no.

I have an idea.

I've taken a couple coding classes...

Hey, good for you! STEM for life!

Paige, let her finish.

I think I can re-program Liam's robot

to make it so he can't see what happenin'

inside Vuuugle. Then we
can still have our party!

- Oh, yeah!
- Awesome!

Put a toy in the basket, punk!

Gosh, everyone is being
so generous this year.

Okay. I wrote some code to
re-program Liam, but I need to find

his reset button to install it
in his robot.

So, get Liam in here, and talk
to him so he stands still.

Okay. Get Liam in here, distract him,

we kiss... on it!

Liam!

What?

Do you ever wonder why we never
just get together and talk?

It's because I don't like you.

Ahh! Uh... Well, what if we just
talk about everyday subjects?

Uh, for instance,
do you like cups of dirt?

Nobody likes cups of dirt.

Ahh! Well, uh, do you like
having a mustache?

I don't have a mustache.

Uh-uh, do you like spinning
around in circles for no reason?

Yes, kind of.

Wheee!

Bernie, I really need to leave.

Wait! Liam...

do you ever feel... lonely?

Actually, Bernie, yes, I do.

And perhaps, this is the one time
I'll try to connect with you.

You see, just like you, I...

Thank goodness!
That was about to get boring!

"Just like you, I" what?

That should do it.

The robot is officially re-programmed.

Liam won't see anything that's
happenin' in the lounge,

and we can have our party!

But won't he be suspicious
that his camera is turned off?

No, I re-programmed him so all he'll see

is the same footage of the lounge
over and over again on a loop.

He'll think it's what's
happenin' in real time.

That is obviously very old footage.

It was taken this morning.

Oh, no! She caught you.

Say something cool.

Well, when I cried...
I was thinkin' about you.

It is so cool your fans brought
donations for the toy drive.

What can I say? Some people
just have the holiday spirit.

And some people were just using
that hand to pick their nose.

Hey! Horse Face!

You haven't donated yet!

Oh I can run, too!

When do we get
to eat the Christmas cookies?

Ramona, we told you, those are
for the end of the party.

- You understand?
- Yes.

Okay.

When do we get to eat
the Christmas cookies?

I'm telling you right now
I'm gonna lose it on this kid.

Attention, everyone!

Not only did I re-program the
robot, I gave him a makeover.

Now, he's a holly-jolly Santa robot.

Complete with arms
for handin' out presents.

Ooh.

A candy cane dispenser.

Ooh!

And an ornament launcher

for those hard-to-reach
branches of the tree.

- Ahh!
- Ooh!

Aw, you guys switched it up on me.

Christmas is officially uncanceled.

You're welcome.

All right. Let's bring out Party Bernie.

Time to practice my cool lean.

Ahh! I deleted some of Amelia's code!

Okay. Don't panic.

Nobody saw. Just lean
back in a cool way.

sh**t, I deleted more!

Ho, ho, ho!

Yay, we're getting presents!

What's happening?

I just got here! What is happening?

Destroy! Destroy!

We gotta get outta here!
Kids, run for the exit! Go!

Locking all doors!

Okay, new plan! Uh, hide! Go!

Everybody, just stay calm.
The robot is slow.

If... If we stay out of reach,
it can't hurt us.

Candy cane launcher!

It can hurt us!

Is this the kind of Christmas miracle
you were talking about, Paige?

I know you're being sarcastic,

but I appreciate that you were listening.

Ahh!

Peter!

- Henry.
- Henry!

Whatever your name is, come with me.

He's out of candy canes. Now's
our chance, att*ck him!

Switching to ornament launcher!

Ah!

New plan! Don't att*ck him!

Somebody call for help!

Oh, no! The virus hacked my phone.
I think it must have control

of the Vuuugle wireless network!

I can't access my selfies!

I can't access my selfies!

I will ruin your Christmas!

Whoa!

Oh! That was crazy, I... I can't
believe my jolly Santa robot

turned into an evil Santa robot!

More like ho-ho, oh-no, am I right?

She didn't hear. Try it again later.

Uh, are we safe?

This disgusting room
looks like it should be condemned.

Oh, yeah! This is your
first time in my office!

Those computers! They're the answer!

They're so old they're not
connected to the network.

Which means, they can't
be infected by the virus!

I can use them
to get into the robot's system

and stop it from attacking!

So you do or you don't want the tour?

Aah! What is that?

Is the Internet crying?

My grandma says this is how
her computer used to work

in the old days... 1997!

Well, it's going too slow.
It's gonna take hours

to get onto the network.

Ooh, we're never gonna
get out of here alive!

More like ho-ho, oh-no, am I right?

It wasn't funny the first time.

Keep it in your back pocket, Schotz.

It'll hit eventually.

The robot found us!

Hey! Have you guys donated
to the toy drive yet?

- Now? Now is not a good...
- Donate!

- Uh...
- Here.

Thanks. And be careful.

There's a k*ller robot out there.

And you said I was paranoid for
putting in all these extra locks.

Hey. When are we gonna get to
eat the Christmas cookies?

Ramona, now is not the time!

Is anyone else in here
thinkin' about cookies?

Yeah!

Ah, I walked right into that one.

Ramona, I am pretty sure
there are cookies

in our recording studio!

Anyone else wanna talk about cookies?

Are the cookies
through this escape door?

- No!
- Wait... Escape door?

Oh, that's right! It... It
leads to the alley out back!

We could use it to get out!

But w... we need the key.

- You still haven't picked up the key?
- Oh, this again?

The key is behind the
reception desk in the lounge.

But how do we get it when there
is a k*ller robot out there?

Don't worry. I have a plan,

and it's guaranteed to keep us all safe.

If we hold hands
and believe hard enough,

a Christmas miracle will save us all!

All right, I want everybody
to close their eyes

and picture a key blowing in here

on a magical snowflake...


Okay, snowflakes, I'm doin' this myself.

I'm going out there.

If I don't make it back, tell my story.

You know, the one about the time
I puked on the roller coaster

with the loops? It's a very funny story.

Huh. The robot's gone.

Ahh! Got the key.

Hello, freedom.

- Ahh!
- Destroy! Destroy!

Ahh-hah, this is exactly why

I don't believe in Christmas miracles!

You get me!

What? What's going on?

I sense you don't believe in the
spirit of Christmas, either.

What, you only att*ck people
who love Christmas?

Is that a crime?

Yes!

Paige, the robot hates Christmas.

If you and the kids change outta
your holiday sweaters and act like

you hate Christmas too,
he'll leave you alone.

No. Sorry, Frankie.

These kids believe in
holiday magic, and so do I.

Trust me! All they want right
now is a Christmas story.

When are we gonna get
to eat the Christmas cookies?

Ramona, I am going
to wrap my hands around...

this book.

Twas the night before Christmas!

And all through the house...

not a creature was stirring,

not even a mouse.

This is pointless! It's goin' too slow.

Hang on. I have an idea.

Agh. Rough day with
computers for the Bern-Man.

Wait! What does that tube connect to?

I always assumed it was a theme
park ride for the rats in here.

In the old days, businesses used
tubes like this to send messages.

Vuuugle under att*ck, send help.

I'm stuck.

I don't know where this goes.

But it's our only hope!

Man! If it doesn't reach anybody,

we're gonna die at the hands
of an evil Santa robot.

Yeah. Maybe.

And, if the robot escapes Vuuugle,

it'll probably destroy the world.

Yeah. Maybe.

So, since this is the end and all,

we might as well kiss, right?

Yeah. Maybe.

Ah. Well, can't blame a guy for tryin'.

Wait, what?

That's right, Bernie.
Given the circumstances,

I'm... considerin' it.

I mean, yeah, sure.
If that's what you wanna do.

Now Dasher! Now Dancer!

Now Pran...

You can't hide!

Which part of "you can't hide"
did you not understand?

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

- ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
- What the...?

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

- ♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
- Stay here.

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

It's the holidays!

Let's all hug and believe
in miracles and stuff!

I thought we had a connection.

Not cool!

- It's the key to the secret door.
- What about you?

It's too late for me! Save yourself!

Ahh!

I said... Christmas is canceled.

Liam! You're out of your robot!

And you're real! And... And you're here!

And you have legs!

You owe me 10 bucks, by the way.

How did you know to come help us?

Oh, I... I received
this emergency message.

I... I have no idea who wrote it, but...

they saved a lot of lives.

It's a Christmas miracle!

Frankie, you believe!

It is a Christmas miracle!

Hey, kids. Come out, it's safe.

Hey, Liam. Since you're here,
why don't you join us?

We can enjoy what's left of Christmas
together as a Vuuugle family.

Paige... Frankie.
Because it's the holidays...

no.

Look what I have!
My famous holiday fruitcake.

- Try some!
- Mm. You know, we've been through a lot,

- we're not in the mood.
- I said...

And I said, we've been through
a lot, we're not in the mood!

It's the holidays,
you don't have to be so mean!

Hey, get away from those toys!

Hey, guys. Um... we're
so sorry for giving you

- such a horrible Christmas.
- Mm.

- Can I say something?
- We know, you want your cookies.

No. I wanna say thank you.

Not only has this been the
most exciting Christmas ever,

but we got to spend it with our heroes.

We love you guys.

Aw... sorry, Frankie.

I know you hate emotion.

I love the holidays so much!

Okay, Bernie. I've thought about it.

Since it's the end of the world,
I guess... we can kiss.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

I mean...

cool, cool.

Guys! We just k*lled the
k*ller Santa robot!

Oh, thank goodness!

Oh...

Mwah!

Wait, wait wait wait, hold on!

Let's not rush to conclusions!

Are we sure that the robot

didn't just download another virus?

Come on, I need a Bernie miracle!

Aww! Every day is worst than the last!

Hey, guys, Bizaardvark here

with Bernie, Amelia,

- and Horse Face Guy.
- Here at Vuuugle,

we have a Christmas tradition,

where we all hang out in our
pajamas in the middle of the day.

And then Horse Face Guy
gives us our presents,

and we try and guess what they are.

Knowing Horse Face Guy,
this is gonna get weird.

Let's see what he's got
for us this year.

It's heavy, and it's cold.

Ice? Is this ice?

It's ice!

Thank you so much, Horse Face Guy,

it's the most thoughtful gift ever.

It smells like nothing,
sounds like nothing,

and it feels like nothing.

Let's see what it is.

It's a horn!

I'm guessing it's rocks.

Why would he get you rocks?

Bunch of kazoos!

It's really small, it sounds like small.

- Oh, puzzle!
- It's a puzzle!

He got you a puzzle!

- It's so pretty, I don't know where it is.
- It's a coastline.

- It's another box!
- It's another box!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'm gonna assume there's another
box inside the other box.

- No, he wouldn't do that.
- He would do that.

- So, we bought a little something for you.
- So generous.

Woo!

- A new pair of shorts!
- Do you like 'em?

Yeah, yeah!

Oh my gosh, that's a great outfit.

Happy Holidays!

Ho, ho, ho!
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