02x20 - Paige Is Wrong

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bizaardvark". Aired June 24, 2016 - April 2019.*
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"Bizaardvark" follows two 12 year-old best friends, who post funny songs and comedic videos about their everyday lives on the Internet.
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02x20 - Paige Is Wrong

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, guys! We're here with Bernie
to do the Frozen T-Shirt Challenge.

We're gonna take these shirts,

drench them in water,

roll them into a ball, and freeze them.

The first person to put on
their frozen shirt wins.

- Drench it in water first.
- All right.

It's a little cold.

- Ready?
- Now we gotta freeze them.

- All right.
- Here we go.

You ready?

Yup.

Three, two, one, go.

Oh, it's so hard.

Okay.

Ah!

Haha! I'm... Ooh.

- You almost...
- Ooh!

- What the heck?
- Ah!

No!

Go! Go, go, go!

- No!
- That's a thumb! It's a thumb!

Oh, it's so cold!
Come on, guys, hurry up,

so I can take it off.

Ah!

- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- No! No! No! No!

Yes! Yes!

Oh, it's right here.

Yeah!

So, in conclusion,

I am the reigning champ.

I don't wanna put this on, it's so cold.

I did it.

♪ You could spend all day ♪

♪ On a swing eating a baguette ♪

♪ But why do boring things like that ♪

♪ When there's the Internet? ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- ♪ Let's go make some videos ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ You could watch Dirk
doing crazy dares ♪

- ♪ Saying, "Here we go" ♪
- Here we go!

♪ He'll do anything you want ♪

♪ Just don't try this at home ♪

♪ Or watch Amelia teaching ya ♪

♪ How to look your best ♪

♪ Making over people is
her never-ending quest ♪

♪ You could watch... ♪

Do you have constant foot odor?

♪ You could watch us make
ridiculously funny videos ♪

♪ Like the one with evil pop-up books ♪

♪ That punch you in the nose ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

And I... I missed it.

Welcome to Vuuugle!

Paige, you know
how I feel about confetti.

It's just fancy littering.

Sorry, it wasn't for you.

Uh, my cousin, Tessa, just flew in

and is gonna be here any minute.

You're right. Jade,
that new girl at school,

is awful.

All right, guess I'll stop talking.

That would be nice.

I was in the middle of something.

You wouldn't believe
what Jade did today.

She stole all the water in the school.

I doubt she stole all the water.

Are you accusing me of exaggerating?

You weren't there

when thousands of thirsty children

marched through the school,

begging and screaming
for even a single drop of water.

So in this scenario, you just stood by

and watched thousands
of people die of thirst?

You weren't there, you don't
know the things I've seen!

Jade is a bad person.

But how do you know?
Have you ever talked to her?

I don't need to talk to her.

Judging people is my superpower.

Some heroes can fly,

some are invisible.

I can tell when someone is a bad person.

Oh, yeah. That's the superhero
movie everyone's dying to see.

The Adventures of Judgement Girl.

Hey, you attach Emma Stone, it's a hit.

Well, you're right,
she is a national treasure.

Mm-hmm.

Look, you shouldn't
judge a book by its cover.

I guarantee if you give
this Jade girl a chance

and actually talk to her,

you'll see she's a good person.

Ugh! Fine.

But only to show you how awful she is.

Then I can hear you sing
the "I Was Wrong Song."

- That's not a thing.
- Oh, it's a thing, sister.

♪ I was wrong ♪

♪ I was wrong ♪

You figure out the rest.

- Paige!
- Tessa!

Oh, sh**t. Um... Ha...

Welcome to Vuuugle!

Uh, Frankie ruined it.

Ah, it's so nice to see you!

Tessa!

You ready for your tour of Vuuugle?

We, uh, have a slide,

- a guy with a horse face...
- Where's Bernie Schotz?

Uh... probably in his office.

Take a left at the furnace,
go down to the basement,

then follow the sound of crying.

Sweet!

I can't wait to meet the smartest,
most successful agent alive!

She got the "alive" part right.

Hey, you know who else would be
really good as Judgment Girl?

- Hm?
- Anna Kendrick.

She would be good.

Aw. I thought that would be cooler.

Wow, Bernie Schotz!

I'm Paige's cousin Tessa.

I'm a huge fan.

What?

I mean, why?

I mean, how?

I mean, cool, cool.

I watched your online commercial
for Bernie Schotz Entertainment

like 20 times.

Your confidence is inspiring.

Yeah, I'm a pretty cool guy.

I have so many questions.

Like, what are your plans
for the future?

Well, I was thinking about
having soup for lunch.

Okay. That's... okay.

I was actually talking about
the future of your company.

It could be massive.

Just think of all the stuff
you can put out there.

Movies, TV, toy...

Toilets!

Toys.

Pfft, obviously.

That was a test.

You passed.

But it is time to take things
to the next level.

Bernie Schotz Entertainment is no more.

Say hello to Bernie Schotz
Entertainment and Other Stuff!

Or Bernie Schotz Enterprises...

Enterprises! I said it first.

Hey, you're a pretty smart kid

and I could use some help around here.

How would you like to be my assassin?

You mean assistant?

Yeah, sure,
I could use one of those too.

Look at her, completely hydrated.

It's disgusting!

Just go talk to her.

I bet she's way nicer than you think.

Nah, not interested. And there's
nothing you can do to make...

Hey, Jade, it's
me, Frankie! I have glasses!

No.

Aah! That's a really good impression.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me?

Uh, yeah. I'm Frankie.

So...

you like a lot of water, huh?

I know, right?

I'm so sorry about this
giant water bottle.

The little girl I mentor gave it to me.

I feel like if I don't use it

then I'm giving up on her.

Aw.

Aw!

Thanks for talking to me.

I'm new here and haven't
made any friends yet.

Oh, yeah, my first day
here was really hard too.

Aw, they're bonding!

Paige, just come out.

Hey. Uh, I'm Paige.

Just dropped something back here

that took your whole
conversation to find.

Oh, hey, I like your jacket.

Thanks, I got it for like five bucks at

a thrift store and I zhushed it up myself.

Ooh, zhushed. I've never said "zhushed."

I like it. We should say that more.

Paige Olvera, I zhush you to
seven years on the Planet Zhush.

Not if I use this Zhush!

Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush!

You guys are so funny!

Hey, I know we just met,

but do you guys wanna come over
to my house tomorrow and hang?

Well, I'm free.

How about you, Frankie?

Sure, why not?

Great, I'll see you guys later.

Haha! I was right!

You were wrong!

Jade is nice.

Hey.

Remember when we said
we'd rob that house

if we ever found two idiots
we could pin it on?

Well, I found them.

- Zhush!
- Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush! Zhush!

What's up guys? Paige and Frankie here.

As you know, doing things blindfolded

can be tough.

But not when you spend
all day practicing.

High five, Paige.

Well, that was a waste of nine hours.

Today, Frankie and I
are going to play...

We're gonna take turns

being blindfolded,

and then we're gonna
try to make as many baskets

as we can.

Are you ready?

This is gonna be a mess.

Go!

Close! Close, close. Close. Lower.

sh**t lower, lower.

No! So close, so close.

Um, a little bit, like, less.

Follow the sound of my voice.

- Ahh!
- You... I don't want to hit you.

- Ye... Nope.
- Yes! Yes.

So I completely failed.

Let's see if Paige does any better.

To the left.

Ooh! You hit the hoop this time.

- I did? Okay.
- Just a little less aggravated.

Aww!

Whoo!

Whoo!

- Nope.
- Whoo!

Woohoo. No.

Woohoo! Oh!

- Blindfolded!
- I'm ready to start

my professional basketball career

with blindfolds on.

I can play with my eyes open.

- I'm the opposite.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.

I can make a lot of baskets
with my eyes open.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Nope.

But not blindfolded.

I feel like such a dork.

Invite new friends over,
and I forget my key.

Classic Jade.

Nah, I think it's fun

'cause it feels like
we're breaking the rules,

but we're not.

Oh, sorry, give me a sec. I'm
just gonna go turn off the alarm.

Make yourself at home.

The kitchen is...

downstairs.

Wow!

This house is so cool!

I know, it's so fancy.

- Huh!
- Hey, Jade, what should we do first?

Uh, I have an idea.

How about we play a game

called "How much of my mom's jewelry
can I fit on my body at once?"

Wait a minute.

That's not fair! You got a head start.

Well, then jump in on the fun, guys.

Oh, hang on a sec.

Just gotta grab this.

Yeah, I'm almost done.

Have the car outside in five.

Don't be late,
or I'll break your other arm.

Aw, shucks!

That was my mom.

I forgot. My family's donating

a bunch of stuff to charity this weekend

and I haven't packed up anything.

I guess we'll have
to hang out another time.

Well... maybe we could help.

You guys are so nice!

Grab a suitcase and start stuffing.

It's all going.

Hey, how about these books?

You know, you can't judge them
by their covers.

Nah, no books.

This charity really wants gold.

And laptops.

Yeah, Paige, you're donating wrong.

Hey, can you guys go look out
the window for a sec?

Why?

We're on our phones all the time,

when was the last time
appreciated nature?

Wow, Jade. You are so deep.

I feel like we're a part of
something really special right now.

Yeah.

Hey!

Jade, I'm gonna hit up
your kitchen real quick.

Cool.

That's weird.

Jade's not in any of her family photos.

And there's a hole
where the TV used to be.

And she's stuffing money into her...

Oh, my gosh! She's robbing the house!

Oh, my gosh!

We're robbing the house!

Aah!

Oh...

And that's...

how you draw a puppy.

Yeah, that's great,
but I asked you about

your business plan
for Bernie Schotz Enterprises?

Tessa, come here.

I wanna teach you something.

What do all the greatest
companies have in common?

A coherent plan of action

that takes into account
current economic trends...

I'm gonna stop you right there

because you are very, very wrong.

It's that they all threw huge,
awesome launch parties!

I really think we should have a product

before we spend a lot of
money to throw a party.

Party.

Glad we're on the same page.

Jade's a bad person. Frankie was right.

She does have superpowers.

What do I have?

A braid and a small carbon footprint!
That's nothing!

Hey, uh, Frankie, I think we should

- head home.
- Listen, Paige.

I want to apologize.

Oh, oh. No need. I'm ready to move on.

In fact, I think we should
move on out of here

- and go home.
- No, no, no. Please, please, please.

Don't rush me.

I want to speak slowly, so I...

choose the right words.

Gah...


You were right. Jade is a good person,

and the fact that I didn't listen

- to you about it is representative...
- Yup. Totally.

- ...of a bigger issue in our friendship.
- You're right! Hey...

Yes, I think we should go home!

Uh... I mean, she made us
feel so comfortable.

Like her stuff is our stuff.

Like, like this.

And, and, and this.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Touching everything.

Ooh! Have you seen this craft table?

You could see your
fingerprints in the clay.

Gah!

Or you can roll it up into a ball
and throw it out the window.

Look, my point is,

I need to listen to you more.

And to remember this moment
of personal growth,

let's post a photo
for all the world to see.

- No!
- Oh.

Sorry, I sneezed.

Achoo!

Oh, no. Honey, we've been robbed!

Thanks for your help, dummies.

What?

Paige, what's going on?

Jade's a bad person,

and she was just using us
to rob this house.

Haha! I was right!

Oh, we're gonna be in so much trouble.

I know.

Oh, hey. You know who else would be

really good as Judgement Girl?

- Hm?
- Scarlett Johansson.

Ooh, Scar Jo! Yes! We should
start writing the script.

We'll have a lot of time
to work on it in prison!

Hey, guys! Have you ever flung your shoe

into a basket and yelled,
"Yes! 100 points!"?

Nope, no one has.

It's a really weird thing
to do out of context.

Well, today we will. We are playing...

We are going to use our feet

to fling as many shoes

into these baskets

- as we can.
- Each basket is worth

a different amount of points,

and the person with
the most points at the end wins.

All right, let's get started.

And for absolutely no reason at all,

we've invited Horse Face Guy
to cheer us on.

That's nice. Okay.

Oh.

Oh!

- So clo...
- Oh... Oh!

There we go. That's why
Horse Face Guy's here.

- Oh! That makes so much more sense.
- To fix the baskets.

Of course.

That's nice.

Ohh!

- 10!
- Yeah!

sh**t for the stars.

Oh!

So close!

Oh! Aw.

Ahh!

Thank you, Horse Face!

You are my biggest fan.

Oh! Oh, oh!

Oh, oh!

If I could do a back flip
right now, I totally would.

Whoo!

Oh!

Whoo!

And when you dominate at Shoe Fly,
there's only one thing you can do.

Dance!

What are we gonna do? We gotta hide!

I think we should come clean.

Are you crazy? They don't
even know we're up here.

- They're upstairs.
- No, you're upstairs!

Sorry, bad habit.

I... Oh, no.

They're coming.

Let's jump out that window and
hope the cactus garden moved.

No, wait, Frankie!

We're innocent.

I'm sure if we tell them
the truth, they'll let us go.

Hello? We're in here.

It's okay, we're not who you're after.

But you're in our house.

And you're wearing my wife's pearls.

I know how this looks.

But this girl
tricked us into robbing you.

As soon as we realized, we stopped.

Because we're good people.

Like you.

Well, thank you
for being honest with us.

The truth is, all this stuff
is just material possessions.

The only thing in this house
that I can't replace

is the clay made from
my grandmother's ashes.

♪ I was wrong, I was wrong ♪

Big finish, girlfriend.

♪ I was wrong! ♪

Can you please get these
girls out of my house?

This party is great, Tessa.

Well, the party was your idea.

I just took care of the...

everything.

Yeah, it was my idea.

Hey, who are those people?

Oh. I invited investors
from the business community.

I wonder why they're not mingling
with the people I invited.

Is one of them a mannequin?

It's pronounced magician.

Excuse me, what are these
crushed up chips in a bag?

Those are snacks I made.

I mean, who can eat a full size
chip without hurting themselves?

Literally everyone who's not a baby.

And also, most babies.

I'm sorry. I have a very
important magic show to watch,

so... do you have a point?

Well, your chip bags
are the only things here

with the Bernie Schotz logo on it,

so I assume it's the product
you're launching?

Uh... This isn't good.

Or is it?

It's not.

I'm not looking to invest in a
company that sells broken chips.

Seems like a joke business to me.

And the only jokes I like are money.

No! No, wait, I can fix this.

Thank you for coming, everyone!

I just wanted to clarify
that the broken chips

are a smart, delicious, and safe snack.

But they are not what Bernie
Schotz Enterprises is all about.

So what is your company about?

Uh...

Let me answer that question
with another question.

Uh...

Help?

Come on.

I mean, what...

What Mr. Schotz meant to say was,

he made a video to show
the potential of his company.

I did?

He did.

Here it is.

Bernie Schotz Entertainment

used to just focus on Vuuugle stars.

But now, the company is taking
things to the next level

with Bernie Schotz Enterprises.

He will conquer sports,

concerts,

fashion...

And toilets!

Saved it.

Thank you, everyone.

We hope you'll join
the Bernie Schotz team!

Yeah.

I had my doubts,

but I am confident that Bernie Schotz
Enterprises has a bright future.

And I must admit, your crushed
chips are a safer way to snack.

I think we can do business.

Ow!

Tessa.

I couldn't have
pulled this off without you.

This party was a huge success.

You really saved my butt.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So, you wanna keep working
for Bernie Schotz Enterprises?

Bernie, come here.

I'll be honest.

You're not as smart
as I thought you were.

But working for you will get me
out of violin lessons, so...

I don't know, I guess let's grow a
business together or something?

Your confidence in me

is inspiring.

Hey, man!

Hey, coz. Where have you two been?

Let's just say you're looking at a
couple of straight-up criminals.

'Cause we just did
some hard time in the slammer.

Jail? How long were you guys in there?

15 minutes. Then they caught the real

criminal, my mom came to pick us up.

But those prison guards
ain't gonna forget us.

'Cause they all had kids
who were Bizaardvark fans.

Oh, well.

- Hey, wanna get a drink?
- Yeah.

What's this party for, anyway?

No idea. This is a weird place.

Did you see that?

She took the last drink

right as I reached for it.

What a terrible person.

Frankie, I'm sure if
you got to know her, you...

Eh, you're probably right.
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