02x08 - Funeral

[bunniefuu]

I, uh, brought Mom a toilet
because I broke hers.

Is she here?

She ain't here, honey.

Where is she?

Welcome to the Denver
International Airport.

Chip, I'm out of town and
I need you to take Meemaw

to her doctor's appointment.

Esther, do that little dance you do.

A 5, 6, 7, 8!

(CRUNCHING)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Sorry for your loss.

Tell me a little bit about your mother?

Oh, she's um...

She was, uh...

A complicated woman.

No, just her size.

Oh, her size.

She's petite.

Actually, we have a really
great option on mothers.

Uh, the Mother Casket.

It comes very, very highly rated.

Whose rating it, ghosts?

18 gauge steel.

Painted lilac finish.

Hmm.

I guess I'll take that one.

Your mother's gonna love it.

Chip, Martha!

There's only one of them. Which
one is that, which one is that?

I can't tell from this far away.

Oh, God.

Uh, it may be Logan.

Yeah, it may be Logan or
it may be Cody, right?

Does he have a black eye?

Yes, it's a black guy.
They're both black.

- Hey.
- Hey, what's going on?

How you doing?

All is well. What's going on?

Where's my other brother?

Logan? Oh, he's driving in from L.A.

Coop, that one's Cody.

Yeah, Martha. So nice to see you, Cody.

Good to see you.

It kinda sucks, you know,
Grandma dying and all.

Yeah, it's rough.

It's rough.

- Martha.
- Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Um, what happened to your eye?

This? Collateral party damage.

Oh.

- Should we go?
- Let's go.

(ORGAN MUSIC)

Oh, look at these.

They're so beautiful.

Who are these from?

Ken!

Oh, will you put them up by Meemaw?

- Okay.
- Thank you so much.

So beautiful.

(GASPS) Oh, Logan.

So sorry for your loss.

Thank you, oh.

Hey, Mom.

Oh, Cody.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you, Cody.

Oh, so nice of you boys to make it.

I know how busy you are
with your DJing schedule.

What happened to your eye?

Hey, Dale?

Where's the family?

Who cares?

He's under stress.

Hey, Barbara.

Uncle Jim.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How are you doing?

Good. How are you?

Little Dale. Christine's boy.

Right, right, Dale.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

How you been?

Well, I'm... I'm doing okay.

You're Chip's brother.

Yeah. Yeah, Chip's brother.

How you been?

Oh, well, getting audited
over at the school.

Uh, gonna have to do some budget cuts.

You know, I was gonna maybe pick
your brain about bankruptcy.

And, uh, I just thought,
maybe, you know,

there's Uncle Jim.

He knows about this kind of stuff.

I don't. I've never been audited.

I've never been bankrupt.

Okay.

I'm going to go say hi to your mom.

Okay, sure.

Hey, Dorothy. Hey, Walt.

Guess who?

Jim?

My brother, I'd know those hands.

- My little lady.
- Welcome.

Long time, no see, huh?

Where's Sherry and the kids, Jim?

- Cabo.
- Oh, God.

Yeah, Quizno's franchise owners.

Big deal, I had to slip out.

- They're still there.
- Oh, God.

Yeah, I know, it's just very
bad timing, this whole thing.

Yeah. I was out of town.

- Really? Where were you?
- I was up in the mile-high city.

My God.

I got some things going that
are pretty exciting, Jim.

- I'm excited about them.
- That's good.

I wish Mom was here for them, though.

I know, it's just very emotional
for both of us right now.

It's... listen, is Herb Whatsits

still handling Mom and Dad's financials?

Of course, he's sharp as a tack.

Is he here today?

I think so.

Yeah, there he is over there.

Are you sure this isn't his funeral?

Oh, Jim.

So silly.

Oh, Martha?

- Yeah?
- Could you get Lambchop?

I don't want her peeing there.
That dog pees everywhere.

I've seen it.

You know, I don't think she has to pee.

I think she just misses
her Meemaw, probably.

Yeah, okay.

How are you doing?

I'm good, keeping myself busy.

You know, we've got, you
know, people coming over

to pay their respects and
that's always a nice thing.

Yeah.

You know.

I, uh... remember that guy?

- Yeah?
- I went to see him.

Oh, that's great, Mrs. Baskets.

Denver.

And you were right.

There was a sexual vibe.

Did I say that?

You did, and I had a
terrific time, Martha.

That city, it's like, you know...

So high, so technically,
I guess, you know,

I'm part of the mile-high club.

Well, that's great.

I know, I had so much fun
I got caught up in it.

I forgot about my kids, I
forgot about my house.

I forgot about my mom.
I should've been here.

I was supposed to take
her to that appointment.

And, um... I just feel
like I k*lled her.

You didn't, Mrs. Baskets.

It wasn't your fault.

Well, Martha, I hope you're right.

- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- I'm sure I'm right.

Are they here already?

When I die I'd like to be
scattered in the Pacific Ocean.

You mean like your ashes scattered?

Or your body parts?

Martha, Martha, Martha, looking
beautiful like always.

Chip, what's up, baby?

Cod.

Hello.

Yo, man, can I talk to
you outside for a sec?

Naw, whatever you got to say, you can
say it in front of Martha and Chip.

Come on, man, this ain't the place.

(SIGHS)

All right, fine, man.

Oh... Oh.

Was that weird?

I just needed a little space.

No, not that. I think
something's going on

with Cody and Logan.

They're not speaking in unison as much.

God, if I had to spend
that much time with Dale,

I'd be angry, too.

Ain't enough whiskey
in the whiskey salad.

Hard to get drunk.

Maybe you should go check on them.

I mean, you do cheer
people up for a living.

Where's Logan?

Huh?

- Where's Logan?
- Oh, man, he bounced.

Everything going okay with you guys
and the Chemical Brothers tour?

Mm-hmm, it's cool, it's cool.

No, what's new with you?

Oh, I was homeless and saw a guy
get cut in half by a train.

Uh-huh, mm-hmm.

Other than that, not much going on.

Right, right. Tight. Tight.

To be honest, Chip,

the Chemical Brothers
fired us a few weeks ago.

What?

Yeah, man. Logan hooked up
with one of their girls,

they weren't happy about it.

Man, oh man, that's
not relatable at all,

but I understand.

That's a bummer.

Plus a lot of guys want to
punch Logan in the face.

And since I got the same face as him...

that's been difficult.

Oh, God, yeah, of course.

Yeah. Plus I haven't
seen Logan in a month.

Shacked up with this girl,

and now he's talking about going solo.

Well, maybe... maybe...

he could talk to Mom about it.

Uh-uh. Mom can't know about this.

All right? Grammy's death,
this would k*ll her.

Now, how would that look?

I mean, we're the Basket brothers.

I mean, us falling apart?

Oh, naw.

It don't even look right.

Yeah. Well, we got to
nip this in the bud.

Yeah, we need to.

Hey, Dale, can we borrow your van?

We got to go get Logan.

Does the place you're going have booze?

Oh, yeah.

I'm driving. Look out.

You can hold that. Thanks.

All right, let's go.

Bye, guys.

Martha, could you start
picking up everyone's trash?

- Um, sure, Mrs. Baskets.
- Thank you.

Thanks.

I'll meet you guys in there.
I've got to make a phone call.

What do you want to drink?

Whatever you're having.

That will be two mimosas on the rocks.

No ice, no ice, Dale.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Hi, Penelope, it's Chip.

Hello?

Can you hear me? Penelope, it's Chip.

Chip Baskets.

Chip-oo!

Oh, how nice to hear you.

Well, listen I'll just get
right to the point, Penelope.

Do you remember my DJ twin brothers?

Sure.

I was hoping to maybe find them a gig

with maybe an established DJ or a band.

You know, an opening act situation.

Um, and I thought since you
were in the music business,

that maybe you had some connections.

I know it's stupid, Penelope.

No, no, no, it's okay. I'm
looking at my contact here.

- Oh really?
- I have a lot of friends

IN MUSIC: Basement Jaxx, Twin DJ.

Uh, Sneaker Pimp.

Oh, God, Penelope, if you could do this,

it would be really, really helpful.

Uh, so thank you very, very much.

It's so nice to hear you Chips. Really.

Really beautiful to hear your

nice little voice.

It's nice to hear your...
your voice, too, Penelope.

(PENELOPE CHUCKLES)

I miss you sometime.

You do?

Yes.

Sometime I think of
your stupid joke and...

I miss you.

Huh, okay.

Well, I mean, you have my number now,

so you can, you can, uh...

you can call me any time
you want if you like.

I have a new cellular phone. It's pink.

You take good care, yeah?

Okay, yes, so you'll just
maybe call me and let me know

if you get in touch with anybody.

Yes, I'll, I'll, um...

I'll text some DJ I know and
I'll call you back, okay?

Okay, great. Uh, thanks, Penelope.

I'll talk to you right away.

Oh, look at that. Who
am I holding there?

(LAUGHING)

I have no idea who that is.

Oh, oh, no.

Hey, what are you doing up there?

Exactly. What are you doing up there?

Oh, you know mom used to let her
eat on the table with her...

- No way.
- For company.

Oh, come on.

Oh, it not gonna hurt anything.

Are you kidding?

There germs all over the place now.

You know what Dad would do if
he saw this thing up here?

Kick that thing right out of here.

You know, that's right, Dad would've
kicked the dog out of there.

Like he kicked us *

Oh, he spanked us all
the time for no reason.

No, he only spanked us
when there was a reason.

And there were a lot of good reasons.
I think you...

you're a little cloudy in your memories.

For instances, look here. This
is all of us in front of the car

Yeah, on Mom's birthday he got Mom
flowers and he got himself a new car.

♪

- It was horrible.
- It was great!

- Oh my God, that's was the worst.
- Camping.

Dad was so cheap he wouldn't
even pay for a cabin.

You know, I don't like what
you're insinuating about Dad.

In fact, I think you're
making a lot of this stuff up

just to... cover your own problems

in your own family.

You know what?

It's been a long day, Jim.

I'm gonna take you back to the hotel.

(LOUD MUSIC)

That's such great news. Thanks so much.

Okay, bye.

Did you find Logan?

Over there with them.

You never know, but that's the
reason I don't make corn muffins.

(LAUGHING)

Hey, uh, listen, do you
guys happen to have a video

of you, I don't know, DJing
or whatever it is you do?

Naw, we did have a joint
YouTube account, but

Logan deleted it.

Mimosas!

Cheers, guys.

- Cheers, Bro.
- Chin-chin.

Oh, I'm gonna get fried tonight.

- Hey, Dale.
- Yeah, buddy?

Can you help me make a
video of these two DJing?

Is that possible?

What are you talking about?
We're in a bar right now.

DJ with what?

If we can get a video
e-mailed out tonight

of you guys disc jockeying
or whatever it is,

there maybe a slot open on
this future tour, maybe.

That's it.

That sounds good and all, I mean,

but I don't know if Logan's down.

I'll-- I'll work on Logan.
I'll work on Logan.

- You sure?
- Yes, I promise.

All right, then, Bro,
I'll take your word then.

Okay, so, what do you need?

I mean, what kind of things do
we need to get this thing going?

We need two computers.

- Computers?
- Yeah, computers.

Well, I can get you a laptop or
two if that's what you need.

I'm never gonna remember
the combination.

Let me try this. Um...

Here, take this one.

- This one?
- I'm just gonna, let's see.

You know what? Just try grabbing it.

Just give it a good, tight...

- Dale?
- Chris, God!

Why aren't you at your AA meeting?

I don't drink.

Well, maybe you should,
loosen your ass up.

Oh, I was just getting
things ready for the audit.

Okay, why don't you want, a parade?

Um, this is my brother, uh...

Cody, nice to meet you, honey.

You, too.

Okay, we'll just take our leave.

Um...

I forgot to disconnect myself.

Uh, don't forget, I own the joint,

so nothing about this
in the comment box.

Well, listen, thank you
for bringing me back.

Thank you for everything you did today

for the tribute, and for
Mom and everything.

It was nice, wasn't it?

It was very nice.

Whiskey salad was amazing.

I haven't had that in...

Yeah.

Can't remember the
last time I had that.

It's too bad we had to get
that whole thing about Dad.

You know, I mean, I know he was hard.

I know he was hard on everybody.

But he was always fair.

No, no. You've got it wrong again.

I thought you were off that.

You're back on it?

He was a mean drunk.

Oh.

He was selfish and he was cruel.

Well...

And especially to Mom.

The older she got, the
meaner he got towards her.

He only got mean when he drank.

Oh, come on.

He was so bad.

And that's the reason that I got
mom her own separate burial plot.

Wait a minute, what do you mean?

Mom already has a burial
plot, it's next to Dad.

It's already paid for.

I don't care.

I didn't want her spending eternity
with that cruel, mean man.

Oh...

I wanted her to rest in peace.
You know what that means?

Yeah, I know what that mean.

- R.I.P?
- R.I.P., yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, now you know if you
thought Dad was so fair

and you liked him so much, why
don't you take that plot?

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay.

Hey, we're here.

Yo, what's she doing here?

Come on, man, leave her out of this!

Okay, guys, let's get
these computers hooked up

so we can get this
audition tape out, okay?

What, for the traveling rodeo?
Huh, Chip?

No. Have you ever heard of a
band called the Sneaker Pimps?

Because I haven't.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's for them.

Sneaker?

Oh, man, here we go.
What's the point, man?

This dude is uptight all the time.

The Chemical Brothers let us go.

The Sneaker Pimps gonna
do the same thing

with this attitude.

Are you kidding me? Look at my eye.

You know what? Forget it,
man, I'm out of here.

Yo, if he's out of
here, I'm out of here.

- Let go of me!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on one second, this
is not about you guys.

This is about our mother
who lost her mother.

Our grandmother, Meemaw.

So you two need to figure out
whatever's going on because

brotherhood is really important.

So, Cody, you want to say something--

Bro, it's Logan.

I, I know that.

You're Cody or Logan?

- I'm Cody.
- Yeah.

Just... just, just say something to him.

Okay? Do you have
anything you want to say?

I'm sorry

that the Chemical Brothers punched you

instead of me.

And I'm sorry I put the Chemical
Brothers in a headlock,

made them kiss each
other, say "I love you",

then I bunched their heads together.

I can't believe we almost let the
Chemical Brothers come between us.

They not even real brothers, but we are.

- I love you.
- I love you.

Makayla? Makayla. Come here, Sis.

I'm sorry.

We shall never hug like that.

Ditto.

Okay, guys can we get to disc jockeying?

- Yo man, let's get to DJing.
- Yo man, let's get to DJing.

- Let's do this.
- Let's do what we do.

- Ah-ha!
- Come on, guys.

Okay guys, I'm recording.

♪ B-b-b-b the Basket Brothers ♪

(TECHNO)

♪ B-b-b-b Basket brothers ♪

Hey, how are you?

I miss her, too. I miss her, too.

I miss her, too.

And so we meet, then, to say goodbye

and to reflect upon the
life of Esther Roosevelt.

A loving mother,

grandmother and child of God.

It's okay, Mom.

- Now I'll read from the...
- (BELCHES)

Book of Revelations.

So I looked and behold, a pale horse.

How are you doing, sweetie?

And the name of him who
sat on it was death.

You look like Wednesday.

From the Addams family.

- It's a good look.
- You look like crap.

Well, I feel worse.

Feel like there's a hurricane
going on inside my stomach.

With death and the wild
beasts of the earth.

I am reading the wrong one.

That one's a little
graphic and I apologize.

I think what I'm trying
to say, ultimately,

is that she lived a good life.

So now why don't we bow our heads

and take a moment of silence.

(PHONE RINGS)

Give me a break.

Hello?

Hi.

No, it's a good time to talk.

Okay. I can let them know.

Guys.

- What's up, Bro?
- The Sneaker Pimps?

- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah?

They saw your video.

- Yeah.
- And they want you to open for them.

You serious, Bro?

Bro, good talking.

Good talking, Bro. You're a lifesaver.

And in his name we pray. Amen.

Okay, let's put her down under.

(SOBBING)

- Mom, it's okay.
- Mom, it's okay.

Sorry.

Where's Dale?

Coming, Mama.

It's okay. It's okay.

(SOBBING)

(BELCHES)