03x03 - House Moms

[bunniefuu]

Frankie, have you ever
considered that we're living

in the golden age
of online animal videos?

No, I have not.

Huh.

Thought we were gonna
talk about that for a while.

Hey, guys, can we eat cereal for dinner?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Why are you asking us?

'Cause you two are, like,
the moms of the house.

Moms of the house?

Yeah, we are not the moms of the house.

If anything, we're, like,
the cool older sisters.

Like, we got moves.

Oh!

I probably should have stretched first.

Besides, if anyone's the mom
of the house, it's Grandma.

Dinner time!

Well, that didn't help our case.

Hey, guys, we'd love to stay and chat,

but we've got a video to prep for.

It's gonna be edgy and cool, like us.

That's right, son!

Not like either of you are my son.

Although, I'd be
very proud if you were, so.

Yeah!

It's an early-morning sh**t,

but we're gonna do our hair tonight.

You know why? So we can
snooze an extra 10 minutes

like the teen slackers we are.

Yeah!

Why are you yelling at us?

Are we grounded?

We're not... We can't ground...
That's not...

We're going to bed!

What the...

Your weapons will never pierce my armor,

for I am Sir Skillet,

the fiercest knight in House Colander!

Well, thy house is about to crumble,

for I am armed with a cata-pot!

- Hey! Hey!
- Come on!

Do you boys have any
idea what time it is?

Some of us have to work in the morning.

Retreat!

Oh, man, Paige!

We are the moms of the house.

And why did we get matching robes?

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

- Hey, sis.
- Hey, Wills.

I was just listening to the
most relaxing ocean sounds.

But the real ocean's right there.

Yeah, but that one has seagulls,

and I don't trust them.

They know why.

Ooh! Check out the new
video I just posted.

I made a lot of changes since I
switched from Perfect Perfection

to Imperfect Imperfection.

Hey, y'all! Amelia here

to talk about three of the
most important things in life,

nails, hair, and how your
nails look next to your hair.

Um... it doesn't seem
like you changed anything.

Are you kidding?

It looks totally different!

My channel's wallpaper
used to be watermelon pink,

but now, it's flamingo pink.

That's a five-shade jump!

I guess that's a good start, but...

And I even created a whole new logo

for Imperfect Imperfection.

I'm pretty sure that says,
"I'm perfect. I'm perfection."

Hmm.

I guess it autocorrected
'cause it knew me.

Amelia, you promised your fans
you'd change your entire brand.

Imperfect Imperfection is
supposed to celebrate the flaws

that make us all unique.

So... bubble gum pink!

Why don't you do an episode with
someone who embodies imperfection?

Where would I find someone like that?

What about that train wreck?

Bernie?

Aw!

He does seem imperfectly imperfect.

Come on!

Ugh! Gooey!

I don't know.

I know where this is going.

Apparently, I did not know
where that was going.

You're right.

Bernie is walking imperfection.

I'll ask.

Be gentle.

He looks like a crier.

Bernie?

Do you wanna be on my channel?

Are you serious?

It's all I dream about every night!

Thank you, Amelia.

Coo, coo. Coo, coo.

Told ya.

Hey, guys!

Sorry. Was the game too loud?

Huh? No. No, no, no. It's fine.

It's not fine.

If they think we're the
moms of the house,

just imagine what it'll
be like all summer.

Dinner! Dinner! Dinner! Dinner! Dinner!

Coming!

I have an ouchie!

Rodney won't share.

This food stinks!

I like it, but I wanna ruin your summer.

We cannot let that happen.

We have to prove to those kids
that we are cool not-moms.

- How?
- What if we play video games with them?

But we don't play video games.

How hard can it be?

Follow my lead.

Wassup?

Uh...

Oh, sorry. You might not have
understood my friend there.

What she meant to say was,

"Wassup?"

Are you guys okay?

Yeah!

Uh, I see you guys are k*lling the hot,

new game we all like to plizzay.

Yeah, it's Alien Renegades IV.

Sweet! A-Ren IV!

Nobody calls it that.

Toit. Toit.

Do you guys wanna play?

Do we?

Does an alien renegade four times?

Help.

Oh, it's starting. It's starting.

Whoa! Whoa! What is that?
A pineapple? A penguin?

What kind of ecosystem we in here?

Is it two buttons to jump?

Uh-oh. Why is that alien next to me?

Nice alien! Nice alien!

Ah! It's eating my face!

Which two buttons?

The alien is eating my face!

- Which two buttons?
- My face!

- Is it over?
- Oh, I can't feel my legs.

Sweet hang sesh, bizoys!

Well, we're officially moms.

What are we gonna do?

Not give up, that's what we're gonna do.

We have to go bigger. Like...

Like, what's the craziest
thing we could do

to prove to those kids
that we are not the moms?

Throw a huge party
and not check with Grandma.

Yes! I'll go check with Grandma!

Even I disappoint myself sometimes.

We're gonna throw the biggest,
craziest house party ever.

Un-mom-like high five!

Wassup!

I owe you big time for
scoring me front row seats

to the International Mud
Wrestling Championships.

Yeah, I just thought you'd enjoy a
night of messy, human brutality.

Aw! It's like you've read my soul.

All right, you and Paige are in charge.

All the emergency numbers
are on the fridge.

All right, stay out as late as you want.

I always do!

Let's get this party started!

Woo-woo!

Hey, hummus and veggies in the house!

Healthy snacks?

Paige, that's what a mom would offer.

What is this?

"What is your dream job?"

"What is your shirt made of?"

Did you make conversation starters?

Okay, before you get mad at me...

"What is your dream job?"

Professional paper thrower!

Now, get rid of this stuff!

Doorbell.

Good. The guests are here.

It looks like the flyers
I put out on the beach

for our Mega Outrageous
Malibu Summer Party worked.

Uh, can I help you?

Frankie, you advertised a MOMS party.

- What?
- Why did you write it like that?

I made an aesthetic choice.

Wrong house. Bye.

This party is lame.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
It is lame, because...

Because... this is just the pre-party.

Yeah, yeah, wait till
you see the real party.

There's gonna be an ice cream cake.

It's gonna be two feet tall.

Can it be six feet?

I don't see why not.

What about loud music?

Oh, there's gonna be loud music.

Irresponsibly loud.

And there's definitely gonna be
some kind of scooter thing

that does not belong in a house.

Wow!

We would have totally been
into this party without that,

but now that you've promised
it, we'll be expecting it.

Hi, Bernie.

Is this the soundtrack to
Princess Puppy the Movie?

Hang on. Let me finish this set.

♪ Princess Puppy ♪

♪ She's got puppy power! ♪

Yes!

G-rated movie, hard-rated biceps.

So, what's the deal, Lil Will?

Is this your room?

Are you being punished?

Yeah, I've turned this basement
into the ultimate man cave.

I've got maximum privacy.

That only happens 15 to 20 times a day.

Amelia is excited
to have you on her channel.

She's doing a segment about a
being a guest at a fancy dinner.

Nice! I've got two outfits that I
think are perfect for a fancy dinner.

Now, I like the astronaut suit
because the sleeves are missing,

but the cowboy outfit
has got a sheriff's badge,

and that's an unexpected twist.

You're fun.

Either one will be great
for Amelia's new brand.

Uh, wait. What do you mean "new brand"?

Amelia's show now celebrates
people's flaws and imperfections.

That's why you're a perfect guest.

Flaws and imperfections?

You know, like intense upper-lip sweat.

Nervous gas.

Trouble dealing with reality.

I don't think she
noticed the sweat or fart thing.

You have so many issues,

but you're not bothered by any of them.

It's so... refreshing.

See you tonight.

Wait. So the only reason
Amelia wants me on her show

is because she thinks I'm uncool?

No! No, I'm cool. Right, Horse Face Guy?

I'll take that as a "yeah."

I feel totally comfortable

with how out-of-control
this party has gotten.

I, too, feel very chill

with how quickly it escalated.

And I'm not questioning at all

where the guy in
the gorilla costume came from.

I've never seen anyone with
moves like you, Gorilla Guy.

Don't be sad.

That's just a guy in a gorilla costume.

You're a real horse.

Keep it cool. Keep it cool.

Keep it cool! Keep it cool!

You know, the louder you say it,

the less cool you seem to be keeping it.

'Cause this is not cool!

The music is too loud!
There are too many people!

And, apparently, nobody here
knows how to use a coaster!

No!

Fight your mom instincts.

We just need to get through
this one party and...

Zane, how much of that
cake are you going to...

...leave behind?

Because I bet you can
eat that whole cake.

That's a dare from your
cool buddy, Frankie.

Sweet!

I've already had 17 brain-freezes.

Ah! 18.

Good save. Look at us, staying calm.

No, Rodney, be care... less.

Be totally careless.

I wanna see how fast
that bad boy can go.

You guys are the coolest!

Amen to that!

You hear that, Frankie? Two
little kids think we're cool.

Mission accomplished.

Ah! It's out of control!

- Oh, my gosh!
- Rodney!

My favorite knee!

Just try not to put too much...

- I think I ate too much cake.
- Zane, are you okay?

Why did you make us go
to such a crazy party?

We're just kids, man!

Which one you want? Leg or puke?

- Leg.
- I don't even know why I asked.

Hey, here. Drink some ginger ale.
It'll calm your stomach.

That's a pretty nasty scrape.

Can I put some of this on it?

It'll help, but it might sting.

Pain is all in the mind.

I don't feel any...

Make it stop!

I hate you! You monster!

All better. Thanks, friend.

My stomach feels a little better, too.
Thanks.

No, no, don't thank us.

We messed up. We shouldn't
have thrown that party.

We've just been freaking out
ever since you called us moms.

We did that?

When?

What's wrong with being a mom?

I love my mom.

I love my mom too.

If I could pull her out of
my hair right now, I would.

There's nothing wrong with being a mom.

Yeah, so how ever you wanna view us,

mom, sister, cousin, great aunt,

we're here for you.

Thanks, guys.

I choose great aunt.

All right, you party animals,

it's been a long night.
You boys need some sleep.

Night.

Grandma just texted.

She's on her way home early.

Everybody up!

This house isn't gonna clean itself!

I want you downstairs in 30 seconds!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Hey, y'all, welcome
to Imperfect Imperfection.

In the past, I've done videos

about throwing the perfect dinner party,

but today, I'm gonna show you what to do

when one of your guests
is really, really not perfect.

He's here.

Great.

So, to celebrate all of our flaws,

let me introduce my very
flawed guest, Bernie Schotz.

Lovely to see you, Miss Duckworth.

Couldn't remember if you
liked roses or tulips,

so I brought both.

What is happening?

I'm just excited to have an elegant
dinner with my dear friend.

I'm talking too much.
Please, lead the conversation.

Okay, I don't know why you
haven't tripped over yourself

or broken anything yet,

but let's bring out the messy food

and use this expensive glassware,

and I'm sure the real Bernie
Schotz will make an appearance.

Okay, Bernie,

that's a big plate
of red, sloppy spaghetti.

Dig in,

and don't worry about being perfect.

Ooh! Yum!

This reminds me
of my last trip to Italy.

Okay, those were obviously
just random words.

What did you say? "Ice cream,
donkey, suspender teeth"?

He actually said, "The sun in
Tuscany shines like gold."

And his pronunciation was flawless.

I don't know what your game is, Schotz,

but I ain't playin' it!

I'm parched.

Bernie, will you please pour me a drink

from that easily-breakable, glass
bottle of sparkling water?

My pleasure.

This dinner is perfection, by the way.

My viewers don't want perfection.

They want flaws, and messes,

and for me to say, "That's okay.
Flaws are fine."

They want the real Bernie Schotz,

who eats like this!

Amelia, wait!

So, I guess I'm dining alone.

All right, Grandma said she'd
be here in 30 minutes.

Time to suit up!

Let's mom this joint!

Just to be clear,

Dads can also clean.

The domestic duties in the
home should be equally shared

between men and women.

Obviously.

All right, everyone, party's over!

You don't gotta go home,
but you can't stay here.

What the heck is going on?

Guess we shouldn't have spent
30 minutes picking out aprons.

Who's responsible for this?

We are.

Whatever punishment you think
we deserve, we'll take it.

We'll talk about it in the morning.

What are you all still doing here?

Make like my 7th husband and disappear
in the middle of the night.

♪ Princess Puppy ♪

♪ She's got puppy power! ♪

There you are. What are you doing?

Well, since Bernie became perfect,

obviously, I'm Bernie now.

I've seen enough body-swap
movies to know how this works.

Amelia, you...

Embarrassed myself in front of my fans?

I know. Nobody is ever gonna
watch my channel again.

Yes, they will.

Have you seen all your comments?

People love the new video.

Really?

Turns out, your fans love seeing

you be the imperfect one for a change.

Look at all the likes I'm getting!

No wonder Bernie has no biceps.

These things weigh, like, a pound.

I guess I'm Miss Imperfect.

I'm okay with that.

I'll let Bernie know he can't
be on my channel anymore

since he's Mr. Smooth now

Guys, I had a little problem
with the spaghetti.

♪ Princess Puppy ♪

♪ She's got puppy power ♪