06x09 - University of Dre

[bunniefuu]

DRE: My son is quite the character.

He chose to go
directly into the workforce,

but what he wound up doing,
you wouldn't call it a career.

- Yeah! What's up, guys? Klay Thompson!
- [Laughter]

- [Camera clicks]
- All right!

And with all his various jobs,

he's had varying degrees of success.

♪ Here comes success ♪

Hey!

Stop!

Through it all,
Junior's been making his way,

learning the lessons that hopefully lead

to what he'll do
for the rest of his life.

♪ Well, here comes my car ♪

- [Indistinct talking on TV]
- Hey, guys.

I figured out what I am gonna do
for the rest of my life.

- Okay.
- Ohh!

I'm getting into...

comedy!

Or maybe he hasn't learned anything.

Comedy?

Amazing!

- Yup.
- Mm!





And I'm gonna produce a show
for unknown comics.

- Mm!
- Unknown?

Amazing!

Yeah. And we're gonna be using
non-traditional venues,

like empty swimming pools,
karate dojos, parking lots.

And the best part is, anyone can come.

- Ohh.
- You hear that, Bow?

- Huh?
- No quality control.

- Hmm.
- Amazing!

I'm putting on a show tomorrow night,

and I'd love if you guys could come.

- Well... Yes. Yes.
- Of course! Yes!

We would do anything to support you.

Thank you, guys.

But make sure that you get there early,

because I hear
tickets are gonna sell out.

[Laughter]

They're not gonna sell out.
They're free. Right?

[Laughter]

Mwah. So proud of you, sweetie.

- Thanks, Mom.
- So proud of you, son!

[Both laugh]

What is up with that kid?

"Parking lot comedy"?

It's like he's just
pulling words out of a hat!

This is Migos all over again.

There's no future in this.

It ain't real.

None of it's been real.

But, Dre, we have to
be patient with him.

Yeah, I know.

- But I would've figured it out by now.
- [Scoffs]

Do you know what I could have
done with us as parents?

At least been a high-ranking
deacon in a mega-church.

They make bank, Bow.

I mean, private planes,
Chardonnay, shrimp.

Junior ain't got no shrimp.
Can I get an amen?

Are you done?!

Uh...

- Yeah. I think I am.
- Okay.

We said we would
have his back, all right?

So, we are gonna go to the comedy show.

- Why?
- And then,

we are gonna sneak out
when he's not looking.

and on the way home,

I'm-a get you some Chardonnay
and some shrimps.

Can you also call me...

"Reverend Johnson"?

Will you finally call me "Dr. Johnson"?

You know I just can't give you that.

What?

[Cellphone chimes]

Look at God.

Emily's slumber party got canceled.

She's saying her house
is getting fumigated,

but we all know
her dad cheated on her mom.

Perfect timing, Mr. Copeland,
because I did not want to go.

What do you mean you didn't want to go?

Diane, sleepovers are the most
magical time in a kid's life.

Um, what's magical

about getting
four hours of garbage sleep

on a stranger's floor?

Okay.

Sleepovers are so much more than that.

I loved them as a kid.

Oh. I have an idea.

Why don't you have
the sleepover at our house?

School is where you plant
the seeds of friendship.

Sleepovers...

Sleepovers are where
those friendships blossom.

Your future best friends
are gonna be made

while you're watching scary movies

and braiding each other's hair

[Whispering] and telling each
other your deepest secrets.

Okay.

Since it'll make you happy, I'll do it.

But only if you stop
doing that weird dance.

Sorry.

- Okay.
- [Normal voice] So sorry.

♪

[Whispering] Sleepover!

Mom!

All right. American Express
is relaunching the Green Card.

Oh, the O.G.! [Chuckles]

Okay, you can just say "original."

- Copy that.
- All right?

And if we get their account,

they want to focus
on advertising to millennials.

Now, I say we pitch them a campaign

that showcases their Green Card
as a milestone for growing up.

- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.

Like, when you go from
crashing on your buddy's couch

to having your own place.

Ah. Like we all have definitely done.

Or when you take that step

from having a job to having a career.

With the Green Card, you can
start living your life...

express.

- Wow.
- Ooh!

Outstanding, Dre.

That is the best idea
you've had all year.

And, uh... I'm not just saying that

'cause I accidentally called you
"Charlie" yesterday.

Oh, I'm not offended.

Mistaken identity is how
I got into the Soho House.

I've got a long history
with American Express.

When I bought my fish fry truck,
American Express was there.

Mm.

When I couldn't pay my fish guy,
American Express was there.

When the fish oil got too hot
and I hit a pothole

and my truck burst into flames,
guess who was there.

- American Express.
- Nnh-nnh-nnh. Maybe.

I blacked out due to smoke inhalation.

Listen, this American Express account

is very important for Stevens & Lido...

and also to me personally,

because I recently started gambling,

and it turns out, I'm terrible at it.

So let's celebrate.

Martinis at the club... on me. Come on.

Hey, hey. I can't tonight, all right?

I'm being forced to support
my son's comedy show.

It's his latest career left turn.

I was so much more focused at his age.

It's true, Dre.

The day that you stopped slinging
rocks on the street corner

and got into the world of advertising

was the day that probably
saved your life.

I never sold dr*gs.

Is that what "slinging rocks" meant?

I thought... I thought
"rocks" were basketballs, no?

Okay, look, I don't have
high expectations for tonight.

Until Junior does something impressive,

I'm just gonna go along for the ride...

you know, sip on
a low-alcoholic Mexican beer

and sit back and wonder

why all those comics hate their parents.

After all, how could Junior's show

be any more lame than he'd been?

[Indistinct conversations]

Wow. [Gasps]

Wow.

Junior totally transformed
this butcher shop.

Oh, my God! Look at the lights, Dre!

[Chuckles]

Look at the people!

I know.

Is our son impressive?

Oh, Bow.

You will always be

that simple, simple girl
from the commune, won't you?

- [Scoffs]
- Those are twinkle lights, all right?

He strung up 1999 around the room.

All right, I don't get any of this.

This... is not for me.

Not for you?

Baby, this is you.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I remember a young boy
with child-bearing hips

and dreams big enough
to fill an empty warehouse.

- [Up-tempo music plays]
- You came back from Howard

with the idea you could bring
go-go music from D.C. to L.A.

[Laughs] You couldn't.

It was the worst thing to happen
to this city in 1992.

- [Siren wailing]
- And, yeah,

I know what else happened that year.

[Laughs]

Dre, you've got to see it.

- See what?
- You will always be

that simple, simple boy
from Compton, Dre.

[Laughs]

- Come on.
- Really?

Junior is following in your footsteps.

- Mm-hmm.
- He got into Howard.

- Okay.
- He worked at Stevens & Lido.

And you both hate
small talk from baristas.

And how is your day going?

- Venti.
- Venti.

He's turning into you.

On purpose.

Was Bow right?

Did my son want to be like me?

Was my son just trying to
re-create his father's glory,

like Jesus or something?

Nice sweater.

- Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.

Great Andres think alike, right?

They do...

son.

My son wanted to be just like me...
and I didn't hate it.

Ooh, ooh!

Hello, Junior.

- Dad.
- You know, um...

Son, I just wanted to say you weren't...

running away from college
when you dropped out of Howard.

You...

You were running...

to me.

I was?

Yes.

Think about it. All right?

You are on a trail
that I blazed for you.

All right? You are doing exactly
what I did when I was your age.

I guess I am.

And maybe the reason
you've been so hard on me

is because you actually
don't like yourself.

Oh, no. I love me some me.

- Oh, okay.
- All right?

But you...

you are my true heir.

And it's time for me to school you.

MORGAN FREEMAN: The University of Dre.

Integrity...

perseverance...

dopeness.

We take boys and turn them into men.

We take men and turn them into Dre.

Do you have what it takes?

University of Dre.

Do you have what it takes?

ALL: Yeah!

♪

I am committed
to doing whatever it takes

to help you get to where I am.

Well, I've got another show
tomorrow night, if you're fr...

- Uh, shh.
- ...free.

Shh.

Don't say another word.

I'm there.

No.

We're there.

♪ Back to life ♪

DRE: The next night,
we went to Junior's show.

I was ready to step in

and make it the best it could be.

But Junior was already k*lling it.

It caught me off-guard.

But to these people, he wasn't my son.

He was his own man.

And that man was cool as hell.

What's up?

You guys look cool enough
to know where the coatcheck is.

Charlie, it's me and Junior.

Oh, snap!

It is y'all!

Where's the coatcheck, though?

Eh...

Back home, Bow and Diane were trying

to make slumber party magic.

Hello, ladies!

Hi!

I made you some cookies,
and I brought some napkins,

because we are generally not
a house that eats food upstairs.

But it's a special occasion,
so, you know, made an exception.

[Laughs]

Hey, Diane, can I talk to you for a sec?

- Yeah.
- Okay. We'll be right back.

Have fun.

[Girls talking, giggling]

How's it going?

Oh. Pretty good. Everyone dug the pizza.

And it turns out Emily loves
m*rder podcasts, too.

- Ohh!
- Mm-hmm.

And we've been talking a lot
of smack about Jhene Irwin.

[Gasps] I'm so excited,

'cause this is the best night ever.

- Is it? Okay.
- Come here. The best night ever.

Oh, God! This is so great.
Oh, my God. I'm so proud of you.

Go in there. Go in there, Go, go!

All right, guys, Have fun.

[Laughs]

Have fun! Bye!

So, you want
to cr*ck open the Ouija board

or braid some hair?

Is your mom really gone?

Yeah.

Good. I'm out.

Wait, what?

I'm sneaking out to meet my boyfriend.

His dad works for Red Bull.
He's met Rob Dyrdek.

Later, losers!

♪

So...

Jhene Irwin... the worst.

[Chuckles] Right?

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

Hey, man. The crowd's getting
a little restless.

We should do something.

My opener is stuck in traffic.

Okay, well, you know...

you got to do something.

Hey. You want me
to get on stage and do 10?

Nah.

Good.

'Cause I only got five.

Plus, the Shannon Sharpe
impersonation...

it is... slightly r*cist.

- Ooh! I got it.
- Hmm?

We'll raffle off a free brisket

for everybody who signs up
for the e-mail list.

Okay. Okay.

You go get the brisket,
and I'll start the e-mail list.

- Gotcha.
- Okay.

Father and son working together.

Got to say, it felt nice.

[Both chuckle]

[Snoring]

How is she asleep?

It's not even 9:00.
My grandma's wig is still on.

[Both chuckle]

- You know what?
- Hmm?

We should prank her.

[Gasps] Yes!

We should burn her clothes
in the backyard.

I was thinking we just
put her hand in water...

you know, so she pees her sleeping bag.

Oh, okay. Yeah,
that's... that's cool, too.

[Chuckles]

This is going to be hilarious.

Yeah, and in 20 years,

when I text you an emoji
of a glass of water,

we'll both remember this exact moment,

when we became best friends.

Oh. What are you guys up to?

Standard sleepover stuff.

Going to humiliate a classmate,

sacrifice the one
for the friendship of the two.

Right, Savannah?

Savannah?

All right. Well, have fun.

[Chuckles] Oh, my gosh.
Does he live here?

Yes. He's my twin brother.

That's so weird.

He's so weird.

Am I being weird?

Yes.

What are you doing?

Liking all of Jack's photos
on Instagram.

♪

[Jamaican accent] You understand me?

That's what it's like being Jamaican.

[Laughter]

Son, he's funny.

Yeah, he's a big get.

He got fired from "SNL" and "Kimmel."

Hey, Junior?

I'm Jasmine Smith.
I run the Dynasty Typewriter.

Yeah. I love your room.

You guys put on
some of the best comedy shows.

Well, we actually need someone to
run our venue during the week,

so if you're available, we should talk.

Thank you.
I'll definitely give you a call.

Great.

Dad, did you just see that?

We took the show to the next level,

and I got a job offer.

Well, when you put on a great
show, people take notice.

If I go to work with Dynasty Typewriter,

that could open so many doors.

I'd be meeting the best comedians,

maybe take the show on the road
and find new talent

and bring it to the masses.

Well... yeah.

That... That's one possible future.

No, no, no. I think I found my thing.

I-I-I got to go call Mom.

My son's big night
ended in a huge opportunity.

So, why did it feel like
I had been punched in the gut?

[Laughter]

Grandma, you are not gonna believe it.

I got an offer
to run Dynasty Typewriter!

Ohhh!

That's great, baby!

[Chuckles]

Hey. Is it great?

'Cause I have no idea
what any of those words meant.

It is. I'm happy for him.

Oh, really?

Then why do you sound like you did

when I told you I sh*t your daddy?

Damn, Mama.

Yeah, what's wrong?

No, I am really happy for Junior,

but part of me doesn't
want him to take it.

You know, I-I only just
found out he was on my path,

and I'm not ready for him
to leave just yet.

Mm.

We had a whole thing going.
We were connecting.

And maybe I'm selfish, but...

I like this new era of Dre and Junior.

Hey.

- But this is Junior's life.
- Yes.

Now, you got to make
all of your decisions

on your own, didn't you?

Well, now it's his turn.

He gets to choose.

Okay?

Now, if you'll excuse me...

I met a man at Junior's comedy show,

and we exchanged some innuendos.

[Chuckles]

He put me in his phone
as "Lady Sausage,"

so we're off to a good start.

[Chuckles] Oh, yeah!

[Vocalizes "First Call"]

Mama was right.

I couldn't make Junior's choice for him,

but I could give him another option.

[Chuckles]

I haven't seen the Pros and Cons Board

since you were deciding
whether or not to grow a Mohawk.

[Chuckles]

Mr. T left a void.

[Chuckles]

You know,
this Dynasty Typewriter thing...

I-I don't know.

I like working for myself,

but there are a lot of reasons
to take this job.

Well, I'm not gonna make
your decision any easier, son.

I think you should come
work with me at Stevens & Lido.

You know, we're starting
this American Express campaign

geared towards millennials,

and clearly, you know
exactly what they want.

Really?

I talked to Jasmine,

and she offered me
creative control, benefits,

and I'd be making twice what I am now.

- Ooh.
- So...

We can't offer you any of that.

But we can offer you a parking space.

Ooh.

On days you drive to work with me.

Dad... where's this coming from?

Well, Junior...

I like working with you.

I want this to keep going

and take your career to
the next level at the same time.

I don't know.

I've got to think about it.

Okay.

You think about it.

You know, it's, uh...

It's your choice to make. I get it.

You know, I'm just gonna go in the house

and look at some of these, uh...

old baby pictures of you...

in particular, the ones
from the day you were born.

Did you know, uh,

I cut your umbilical cord
with these hands?

Ah.

Don't worry about that.

♪

[Car engine revving]

You're really good at this.

Thanks.

I'm good at pretty much
everything I try.

My mom says I'm like an ant,

'cause I can lift
more than my own body weight.

Want to see me do push-ups?

Yes, please.

[Video game beeps]

[Whispering] Hey.

How's it going?

I thought you said
I was gonna make best friends.

[Normal voice] Oh, no.

But Savannah is obsessed with Jack,

- [Sighs]
- Sophie needs a CPAP machine,

and Emily's...

Never mind about Emily.

This whole night has been a bust.

Oh, Diane, I'm so sorry.

But the important thing is,

you put yourself out there
when you didn't want to.

Taking a risk like that...

oh, it'll pay off.

I promise.

- Thanks, Mom.
- You're welcome.

I really do appreciate you trying,

but I think I'm just gonna
hold this L and go to bed.

What? No!

Sweetheart, don't lose faith
in the sleepover.

These girls are duds.

And we're gonna get a whole new crop,

and we're gonna run it back!

[Chuckles] Sleepovers!

[Snoring]

This is the worst sleepover ever.

- I've been to worse.
- [Gasps]

What?! I thought you were asleep!

I was pretending to be asleep
so I could prank everybody.

Wait, you pretended
to be asleep for hours?

That's totally something I would do.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'll lie in wait for days, like a snake,

and then I strike.

[Chuckles] That's so cool.

Thank you.

Oh, and your fake snore is top-notch.

- Thanks. [Chuckles]
- Mm-hmm.

Want to go tell Savannah
that Jack still wets the bed?

Yes. Yes, I do.

♪

- Hey, Dad, Dad.
- Yeah?

You know... after we talked last night,

I walked away knowing that my
future is with Stevens & Lido.

That's great, son.

But then I re-read
the e-mail from Jasmine

and was reminded

that I'd be getting
a percentage of the door.

- Oh.
- So I went to bed

knowing that this was gonna be
a really difficult conversation.

Mm.

But then, I thought to myself, "Hmm.

Maybe if this is so hard,
am I making the wrong decision?"

- Uh-huh?
- So I changed my mind

and realized that my passion
is with advertising.

- Okay.
- But then I had a dream.

I take back the offer.

Wait, no! Dad, Dad, wait.

What?

I'm gonna go with you.

I feel like we work
really well together,

and I want to see where this goes.

Me too, son.

Good.

'Cause I don't think I'm ready
to step off your path just yet.

Hey.

It's... It's not just my path anymore.

It's our path.

If I hold my arms out to hug you,

will you let me?

Only one way to find out.

♪

- Dad?
- Yep?

This was in my dream.

[Inhales sharply]

Mine, too.

- [Rare Essence's "Lock It" plays]
- Come on! Go-go with it!

People paid money for this?

♪♪

I want to throw a bottle at Dad.

This song has been on for 45 minutes.

It's been eight songs.

They just all sound the same, baby.

[Chuckles]

I'm starting to rethink my path.

Hoo. Hot mess.

Let's go. Come on.

Ow!

Babe...

Whoo!

My knees ain't what they used to be.

Oh, mine either, but keep going.

Ah!

I can't.

Whoo!

♪ What? I feel it ♪