04x02 - Don't You Wanna Be Obama?

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "Ballers". Aired June 2015 - October 2019.*
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"Ballers" is a look at former and current football players, their families, friends, and handlers.
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04x02 - Don't You Wanna Be Obama?

Post by bunniefuu »

Kane is in the building, n*gga...

Now tell me how you love it
You know you at the top

When only heaven's right above it,
we on

'Cause we on

Who else is really trying to f*ck
with Hollywood Cole?

I'm with Marley G, bro

Flying Holly Grove chicks
to my Hollywood shows

And I wanna tell you something
that you probably should know

This that
Slumdog Millionaire Bollywood flow

And...

My real friends never hearing from me

Fake friends write the wrong
answers on the mirror for me

That's why I pick and choose
I don't get sh*t confused

Don't like my women single
I like my chicks in twos

And these days all the girls
is down to roll

I hit the strip club
and all them b*tches find the pole

Plus, I been sippin'
So this sh*t is movin' kinda slow

Just tell my girl to tell her friend
that it's time to go

SPENCER: Reggie, don't be insecure.

There's nothing wrong
with telling a man you miss him.

REGGIE: I ain't said
I missed you, Spencer.

I said I noticed you and your
cue-ball partner have been missing.

We ain't missing. We're here in
your hometown of sunny SoCal,

we're expanding our ASM footprint.

I see that. We got your
invite to the Surf Classic.

Did you like the board?
Pretty original, right?

I say black people don't surf, but
Vern thinks he found his true calling.

I bet you Vern looks like
Kelly Slater on that thing.

sh*t, he ain't no Kelly Slater.

He look like he ate Kelly Slater.

- Hey, Reg! Who you talking to?
- Spencer.

VERNON: Hey, you tell him
we coming out there?

You guys coming to the tourney?

No, we coming to check out
our five mil investment.

Remind Vernon that it's me,
and have a little bit of trust,

and you guys be good silent partners,
with an emphasis on the "silent."

Yo, man. f*ck that, man. You know
trust ain't one of my specialties.

Reggie, everything is gonna be fine.

I just signed a big Coke deal

that I'm gonna leverage
into a sponsorship

with the Surf Channel
and an acquisition of the WSL.

Yo, man, relax. Chill, man.
I'm just f*cking with you.

We're coming out, 'cause
Vernon getting his number retired

at General Carver High.

(CHUCKLES) That's amazing news!

Well, wish him congratulations for me,

and tell me when you guys get in.
I'll pick you up.

- (CAMERA CLICKING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

Don't you f*cking love this energy?

Holy sh*t, who needs Miami?

This reminds me
of my f*cking childhood.

Except my childhood I spent mostly

laying in bed, black light on,
Skynyrd on the turntable.

(CHUCKLES) Well, I'm glad chaos
was your creature comfort

because I, unlike you,
never grew up high and traumatized.

Well, you better get used to it
because Lance is having a meltdown.

LANCE: Ryan, you little m*therf*cker,

this is not a proposition
from Wittgenstein.

All right, lads,
this is a simple f*cking request.

Find Parker. Get him on the f*cking
phone so that I can speak to him.

I gotta go. Some grownups here.
All right. f*ck you!

- (GREETING IN GERMAN)
- Hey.

What's going on, Lance?

Yeah, we got a big problem.

- Parker's missing.
- JOE: What do you mean?

Like "Face on a milk carton" missing,

or "I just don't want
to call my wife" missing?

I got a text from him yesterday,

telling me he wiped out,
skateboarding.

I call him today to check how he is.
Kid won't take my calls.

We've got a global campaign
worth millions.

Coca-Cola's sponsoring him.
He's gotta surf! He signed a contract.

We've got commercials,
banners, soda cans,

but he's got to f*cking surf.

The whole deal is predicated
on the kid f*cking surfing

- at the f*cking Classic.
- Let me ask you a question.

Does he typically abandon you
in times of crisis like this?

We got like a father-son relationship,

except he'd like a different father,
I'd like a different son.

- It's complex.
- JOE: Why don't you let us intervene?

We are uniquely qualified to deal with
very talented and delinquent people.

Because he's talented,
and I'm delinquent.

Do you know what?
That's not a bad idea

because if I catch up with him,
that surfboard is going up his ass.

We got you. Just do
what I do before big games.

What's that?

Bang my head against a f*cking locker.

I love moving day!
Especially with you, babe.

- Huh?
- Mmm.

That goes through there,
in the master.

All right, ma'am.

Oh, uh, uh, fellows,
that's going to the master, too.

Wrong. That goes in
the guesthouse with TTD.

- Yes!
- What T need with that?

That's a $40,000 mattress!

Come on, man.
Let a n*gg*r rest in comfort.

You gonna rest in peace,
you keep talking.

If you really think that sh*t that
you f*cked all your little ho's on

is coming into my bedroom,
you lost your mind.

In all fairness to Rick,

I never saw him
with another girl on that bed

- till he met you, Amber.
- TTD? Shut the f*ck up.

I mean, there's nobody
before you, babe.

That's as accurate as me saying
there was nobody before you.

But you best know
there's no one after me.

You damn right.

And I don't want
nor need anybody else,

so you know what? TT,

- mattress is yours.
- Oh, yeah!

You know I'm gonna take care of it.
Mmm!

(TTD CONTINUES GRUNTING)

So disgusting.

- Can you even see your d*ck?
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

TTD: I can see it when I pull it out.

It's Spencer, babe. I gotta take this.

Where you going with my cereal?

Don't pitch me on Cleveland

'cause at this point
I just might take that sh*t, J.

JASON: No, no.
I have an inspired idea.

I just need your approval first.

All right, good. Lay it on me.

How about I call our boy at the Rams?

sh*t, I don't know about that.

Chuck is not gonna go to bat for me
after what happened in Miami, man.

JASON: Buddy, the past is the past.

If he wants to be a great GM,
then he needs to be opportunistic.

sh*t. Let's hope he has
short-term memory loss.

Look, you're not
a charity case, all right?

You'd fit perfectly
into their offense.

- I'm not looking for a handout.
- We're not begging.

We're gonna call him up,
like gentlemen.

Like dons.

What? You always know what to say,
don't you, Jason?

All right. But you make the call.

I'm trying to keep some distance
between me and rejection, baby.

You got it, buddy.

(TASTE PLAYING)

SPENCER: Dealing with this sh*t is
just like dealing with Sizz or Ricky.

JOE: Yeah, that's why
you're gonna be great at it.

I love your optimism, buddy.

It's not optimism.
That's reality, pal.

This is what you were
put on the planet to do.

I have football
pumping through my veins.

That's what we should be focusing on.

- Yeah. We'll do that after we...
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

One second.

(CLEARS THROAT) Hello.

Spencer. Jayda Crawford.

Jayda. Jayda...

Jason Antolotti's friend?

Quincy Crawford's mom?

Ah!

That Jayda.

- (CHUCKLES) Yes. How are you?
- I'm great. Thanks.

I spoke to Jason,
and I really appreciate you offering

to set aside some time
to meet with me.

Of course. Look, any friend of Jason
is a friend of mine.

It's nice to be referred to
as more than "Q's mom."

I bet it is, but, trust me,
you haven't seen anything yet, Jayda.

Nothing surprises me anymore.

I'm gonna be up
in your neck of the woods later today.

What's your evening looking like?

Wide open.

How about we meet at the Viceroy
for drinks, how's 7:00 p.m.?

Perfect. See you then.

- Ciao.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(JOE LAUGHING)

Did you just f*cking say "Ciao"?

- g*dd*mn, I did, didn't I? (LAUGHS)
- Yes, you did! Holy sh*t!

Wow!

Listen, are you thinking about
messing with that high school kid?

Come on. You know me.

Yeah, I know you better
than you know yourself.

You can't resist temptation.

All right, I promise you I'm gonna
steer clear of that kid, okay?

- Okay.
- All right.

Even though he is
once in a generation.

JOE: Oh, f*ck.

(CLICKS TONGUE)
Oh, sh*t. Another hook.

Can you pass me another ball, please?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Actually, act like a real boyfriend
and put it on the f*cking tee for me.

Charles. How's life on the high perch?

Stressful. Very stressful.
And it only just begun.

You sound like a lifer already.

But good news. I got
just the thing that's gonna lower

- your blood pressure.
- Fantastic. I'm all ears.

Goff tore it up last year,
but he needs another w*apon.

- I gotjust the guy for you.
- Really? Who you got?

- The one and only Ricky Jerret.
- No, siree.

Hey, J, you ever heard that phrase
"Fool me once, shame on you.

"Fool me twice, go f*ck yourself"?

- That's this.
- Look, I feel you,

but don't stand on ceremony.

The guy's a great value.
He's got plenty of tread left,

and don't tell him I told you this,

but I could probably get you
a friends and family discount.

Oh, okay. You know what?
I'll think about it, then.

Just for you, though. Not for him.

Oh, good looking out, big guy.

Talk to you soon. Bye.

Hey, can you get me
another basket of f*cking balls?

Sorry, babe.

Are you really considering
signing Ricky?

Hell, no.

Not for nothing,
but, uh, I'm a pretty good listener.

What?

You know, if you want to talk, or...
I don't know.

In case you haven't noticed,
Joe, I'm not much of a talker.

You just need to listen to Parker.

(SIGHS) Okay.

(DOORKNOB RATTLING)

(WHISPERING) What the f*ck?
What are you doing?

Never announce yourself
when the perp is on the run.

(SCOFFS)

Okay, I don't know
if this is the best way

to introduce ourselves
to the SoCal surf community.

(THANGS PLAYING)

Yo, I think two bald guys
just broke into your crib.

Yo, dudes,
you ever hear of a doorbell?

My bad. Uh, ding-dong.

Damn. That was a real G move.

We're Lance's new partners.

- Bosses. Technically.
- I figured.

I seen your pic around, big man.
I know who you are.

Grab a drink or smoke or something.

- We'd love to.
- Yeah.

Did you make sure
the bottle's not too hot?

Yes, Daddy.

You gave her six ounces, right?

Of course, man.
I wouldn't cheat her out of her lunch.

Plus the doctor said there's no such
thing as overfeeding her right now

- as long as it's breast milk.
- (BABY COOING)

Well, don't be thinking about using
them chubby titties of yours,

- all right?
- Nah!

Are you gentlemen looking
for something special?

Yeah, we are.

We're not a couple,
if that's what you're thinking.

I'm hetero as f*ck, and available.

You want me to post that
somewhere for you?

- Throwing shade. I like that.
- Damn.

RICKY: That's the one
Bubba Watson uses, right?

Won the Masters, wearing it.

What you think, T? You think
they'll let me play with a Chrono?

I'm gonna say a big "f*ck, no."

Besides, you're retired anyway.

Yeah, we'll see what Chuck
gotta say about that. It's nice.

Ha! You got a better chance
of playing for Belichick again.

Why is it every time
sh*t goes bad, it's an "I,"

but when sh*t is popping,
it's "we" again?

I don't know, but we should do
something nice for Chuck.

We should send him something
to welcome him to LA,

congratulate him on his new job.

Finally opened your mouth,
and something good comes out. Good.

All right, so what we gonna do?

I don't know.
Depends on how bad you want the job.

sh*t. That's like asking a death row
inmate if he craves parole.

This one says, "Please hire me."

Do we get a deal if we buy two?

Can you focus, please?

This is nice. You know what?
Box this up. Ship it to him.

- Say it's from both of us. Thank you.
- All right, all right.

Just need your credit card.

Yeah!

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, no, no, no. I get high on life.

If you're trying to build a bond
between us, you're failing, man.

Come on, Joe. Let's take a hit.

All right. Big Man says take a hit,
Little Man takes a hit.

(COUGHING) Holy f*ck!

That's the force of Skywalker, brah.

Yeah, no sh*t, huh?

Whoo! May the Force
be with you, pal.

All right.

Well, I don't get high when I work.
There you go.

So what's the problem with Lance
and how can we help?

Yeah. I mean, we love Lance.

He's a weasel
who's only in it for himself.

- Yeah. Weasel, brah.
- That's a little harsh.

JOE: Yeah, a little bit,

especially since he landed you
that massively awesome Coke deal.

For who, Coke?

That's the problem.

Let me show you something real quick.

This is the Coke campaign
we did down on the beach.

You see, this

is what the ad lackeys turned it into.

Looks like a dope image to me.

Yeah, if my skin were that color.

What? Give me that thing!

I don't know.
I don't see a big difference.

Yeah, no sh*t. Maybe you color blind.

You're also not gonna pretend
to be somebody you're not.

Right on. Look, I'm proud
to be a black man.

I just don't want to be
the Great Black Hope.

You feel me?
I just want to be one of the boys,

not a black surfer,
but the greatest surfer, ever.

Right? I'm from Laguna.
You feel me? Not the 'hood.

If they want to market me,
they gotta do it for real.

I don't want to be Obama, bro.

JOE: Whoa. I gotta stop you
right there, son.

You don't want to be Obama?
That's... I'm f*cked... I don't...

- Don't you want to be Obama?
- Joe. Joe.

- Hey.
- JOE: I would.

I understand where you're coming from.

What happens if I'm a no-show
at this tourney tomorrow?

Well, Coke has you under contract,
and you would be in breach.

Can they sue me or something?

We get sued all the time.
We're getting sued left and right.

I mean, I'll go so far as to say

that you're not a man
until you've been sued.

And divorced.

And accused of at least one homicide.

- No more Skywalker for this guy.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

Look, I would just want you
to do what feels right.

- Yeah.
- JOE: Right is might.

Right is...

Might?

All right, fellows.

In anticipation of this upcoming draft
and pending free agency,

I wanted to take this time
to outline our approach.

It's gonna be a little bit different
than it's been in other years

because, this year,
we gonna steal from the past

and combine it with the future.

Like Eastern and Western medicine.

- Like colonoscopies and acupuncture.
- (ALL CHUCKLING)

Okay. All right. Settle down now.

All I'm saying is,
I want us to be different.

But most of all,
I want us to think different.

- Wasn't that an Apple commercial?
- Exactly.

And now they possess
the world's biggest market cap.

(WHISPERING) You're losing them.
Get to the football part.

All right,
so we're gonna focus on value.

And here comes the Moneyball pitch.

I'm happy with where we are
defensively, personnel-wise.

So we're gonna continue to focus
on the offensive side of the ball.

Goff's come into his own,

so let's get Goff a comfort blanket.

You know, somebody
like a Whitten or a Gronk.

- Gives McVay more flexibility.
- Exactly.

I also want to look into finding
another possession receiver.

Be really nice to find somebody
who can work the slot,

- like Doug Baldwin.
- Ricky Jerret.

Excuse me?

Word on the street is,
he's considering un-retiring.

I worked with him in Green Bay.

I like him.

That's a good idea.
He'd be cheap as dirt, too.

Yeah, uh, Coach McVay has
expressed interest in Kisan Teague.

- Um, he's a running back.
- I'm aware,

and Coach wants
to move him to the slot.

Jerret's a great value.

And he's got experience.

Yeah, but is he still in shape?

I mean, you know,
have his skills deteriorated?

Only one way to find out.

Put him through the paces.

Work him out.

So thank you guys for coming,
but, uh, where are the Coke peeps at?

I'm sorry. They couldn't make it
on such short notice.

We're Samuels, Harris & Hartwick,
the agency handling their account.

SHH.

(JOE LAUGHING)

(JOE SHUSHES)

Like, "Shh!"

- That's the name of your firm, right?
- That's right.

That's what you said?

I'm the "S," from Samuels.
Founding partner.

(METAL CLANGING)

Sorry. I got it. Sorry.

Coca-Cola empowers us.

They leave the granular details to me,
if you have any questions.

- Or concerns. I...
- LANCE: Sorry, mate.

I didn't know there was
a meeting scheduled today.

JOE: We came and looked for you.

Well, I was in my flotation t*nk.
You needed only to rap on the lid.

Is there something wrong
with your eyes?

Yeah, so let me jump into this
really quickly, guys.

We're aware that Parker's image
has been manipulated.

It wasn't manipulated.
It was finished.

Splitting hairs did not
save the rabbit.

Either way, this is not an accurate
representation of Parker.

We disagree.

I don't have a f*cking clue
what you Aryans

are chatting about right now.

They changed the skin tone
of Parker to fit this campaign,

- Lance, and it's not cool.
- (SCOFFS)

It's a couple of shades,
from caramel to beige. Come on.

Does your client know about this?


Our client has no clue
what shade Parker is, was, or will be.

We could make him Oompa-Loompa orange.

- (GRUNTS)
- We like how Parker looks.

Actually, we love it.

Guys, you are selling Parker
based off his race.

I won't deny race is a component.

A black surfer is very unique.

Parker is his own
individual for sure, okay,

but take it from me, a man of color
who lives and works in a white world,

sometimes, we just want to be
recognized for our talents.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to be called

"the best Caucasian money manager
in the world."

That would really bum me out.

Yeah, I think we can sidebar this
for a little while, shall we?

SHH and Coca-Cola put a lot of time

and a lot of resources
into this brilliant campaign,

and I think we should really
respect their efforts.

This campaign will make Parker
a household name.

And he'll only benefit
from his association with Coke.

Let me be clear with you guys.

You're gonna change Parker's skin tone
back to its original f*cking color,

and I'm sure your client Coke
won't think it's too granular.

It's too late.

Then maybe you don't count
on Parker showing up tomorrow.

ASM recently acquired Sports X.

That makes you equally liable.

LANCE: Oh! Okay, then,
nobody's suing anybody.

Parker will be out there
on them waves tomorrow,

brown as you like,
carbonated if you want,

or I'll legally change my name

to Lance "f*ck Me in the Ass" Klians.

Okay? So, you two,

why don't we have
a quick chat outside?

Come on. Do excuse us for a moment
while we handle

this obviously delicate issue.

JOE: (WHISPERS) Sorry. Excuse me.

Guys, what the f*ck?

I'm the brains and the charisma.

You're the face and torso, evidently,
and, Joe, you cut the checks.

Now we're all clear
about our respective roles,

we can move on perhaps, yeah?

Because this deal long precedes
your tenure with Sports X.

Don't sh*t in the apple cart!

I don't give a f*ck
about the apple cart.

All I care about is doing
the right f*cking thing, Lance.

- It's how we're wired.
- Oh, well, not always.

But no, most of the time.
Most of the time.

Have you got any idea

how many hours I've sunk
into this deal with Coca-Cola?

They're one of the most
recognizable brands in the world.

We need them and others like them.

We can't f*ck this up 'cause you're
acting like a couple of amateurs.

If Parker don't show tomorrow, that's
$3 million flushed down the toilet,

two million of which belongs to us,
by the f*cking way.

And all because some
19-year-old surf diva

don't like the lighting
in a f*cking advert?

Come on. I've got news for you.

You turn out the lights,
we're all f*cking pitch-black.

Whoa!

Strasmore,
don't get precious about that kid.

It ain't about talent no more.

The world has changed.

If you look at that poster,
it hasn't changed enough for me.

Nothing to add.

(BROOKLYN LOVE PLAYING)

MAN: All right.

SPENCER: All right.

- Spencer Strasmore?
- Jayda, you found me.

(CHUCKLES) Well, you're hard to miss.

Ah, well, you have
quite the presence yourself.

You need to
when you're a public defender.

Can't have a thin skin, either.

Oh, I can imagine.
Would you like a drink?

Uh, Don Julio Blanco, rocks, please.

Oh!

I like your choice.

It's been one of those weeks.

Yeah. Amen. No, I feel you.

Jason tells me that, uh,
I should treat you like family.

He's sweet. Did he tell you that
we went to law school together?

- No.
- Ah.

He parlayed his degree into millions,

and I'm just trying to save the world
one perp at a time.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, both very noble pursuits.

You know, I want Quincy to find

- a school that checks all the boxes.
- Mmm-hmm.

If he has to go, I want him to exit
more evolved than when he entered.

- So what are the rules?
- NCAA says there's rules,

but, really, it's just hypocrisy.

Who's watching out for the kids, then?

Well, the parents, but a lot of times,
that's not even the case.

Well, that sounds perverse.

Look, I've seen your son play,
and he's pretty special.

He's gonna k*ll it anywhere he goes.

He's a rare one. You did good.

So how do I manage
this whole situation?

You know the expression
"The clothes make the man"?

Yeah, I'm looking at it.

(CHUCKLES) Well, in this case, um,

you know, these institutions,
they're gonna want you to think

that they will define
your son's career,

but the truth is,
Quincy is so talented,

anywhere he goes,
he's gonna define that institution.

Well, that sounds great,

but he's never gonna take advice
from his mother.

So would you do me a favor
and talk to him?

I would love to, Jayda, but I can't.

It goes against the rules
of my NFL registration.

But I'm here, for you.

- Talking, text, whatever you need.
- Great.

- I may take you up on that.
- Great.

Surf Classic's today.
You think we should go check it out?

Oh, that's
that surfboard invite we got?

- (DOORBELL RINGING)
- Yeah. Thinking about giving it a try.

Don't.

I don't even know
why I try with you, man.

- You just gotta sh*t on my dreams.
- No balance.

- What up, Chuck?
- CHARLES: What's happening?

Thank you
for the "Welcome to LA" watch.

What's up?
Just glad it fit your big-ass wrist.

Chuck.
What, you trolling the neighborhood?

Ha! Not exactly.

- Hell of a hood, though.
- Yeah.

Damn, what a house!

Be great to get me and the missus
something like this one day.

They're selling one four doors down.
It's for sale. 12.5.

- Oh, that's all, 12.5?
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Little out of my price range.

Not if you make
the right decisions, GM.

- You know, they make bank nowadays.
- Yeah.

It's funny you say that.
That's why I'm here.

This is business?

Jason didn't mention it?

No, not a peep.

CHARLES: Huh.

Hey, man,
how's your head feeling lately?

My head? Just a memory, baby.

All right. I wanted
to talk to you about playing again.

And since the last time
me and you went down that road,

things got a little funky between us,
I wanted to come do it in person.

sh*t, man, it's all good, all right?

And if I do come back,
I want to be like Marshawn Lynch,

you know, be in the right situation.

So if we talking about
playing in Cali, with you,

- then I'm interested. Yeah.
- Great. I'm interested, too.

Could be great for Goff.
You seen this kid throw?

Yeah, and he got
good pocket presence, too.

- He's good.
- Ooh!

But, you know, I'm new
with this whole GM thing,

and I like to do my homework,
so I can't be playing favorites.

- Favorites?
- Yeah, that's why I wanted

to come down here
and speak to you face-to-face,

so there'd be no misunderstanding

because, in order
for this whole thing to happen,

I'm gonna need to see you work out.

You need to see me work out?

- Like I'm a walk-on?
- You got a problem with that?

No, I ain't got a problem
with working out.

You do got a problem with it.
I can see it.

I got a problem with working out.
Yeah, you right.

See that? Okay. And you know what?

I'm gonna take
my poppy seed bagels and go.

Don't forget your cream cheese.

This was our cream cheese, Ricky!

n*gga, I thought
you wanted the damn job.

You're gonna need
a new job in a second.

(BOOGIE PLAYING)

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to
Huntington Beach, California.

It's finals day at the Surf Classic.

I am your voice, and today,
we are gonna crown our champion,

as we go right to live action.

Calm down.

- Jesus, f*ck, I am calm.
- Jesus.

On the inside, I'm calm.

We support our guys.
We fight to the death,

and we let our guys
make their own choices, right?

Our fate is our fate.

Yeah, yeah. That's great.

You know, sometimes,
I swear to God, honestly,

I would give my left nut

to be a chubby,
Third-World fascist dictator,

not give anybody any options.

- (PEOPLE CHEERING)
- (LANCE LAUGHING)

What's he so happy about?

Oh, there we go.

JOE: Oh, look at that.
SPENCER: Uh-huh.

JOE: Wearing the Coke hat.

(LAUGHING)

Top of the morning
to you pair of ugly pricks!

Thank God the boy
has got more brains than you, eh?

- Mmm.
- And we know he's got more talent.

Don't we?

Let's see if he brought it.

- Still overdressed.
- Overdressed?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(CROWD CHEERING)

JOE: Yeah! Wow!

Yeah. Perfect wave.

Perfect ride!

And that is a perfect day
in our world.

- Beautiful.
- (LAUGHING) Very nice.

Very nice.

(CHEERING)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

ANNOUNCER:
Third place goes to Lyon Brown!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Comrades, good to see you.
What a day. What a day.

In second place, Peter Smith!

Well done. Irrelevant, but well done.

And our champion today,

in first place, Parker Jones!

(ALL CHEERING)

(CHEERING IN ARABIC)

God is great!

(BLACK PLAYING)

Yeah!

That's right!

Yeah!

(SIGHS)

He really brought it, huh?

Is he black enough for you now?
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