05x05 - Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzgy

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Guess what? I'm buying a Laundromat.

DALE: So, there's a secret back room

at the Laundromat where you gamble?

[whoops]

- [laughs]
- Give me a sense of how illegal this is.

Who says it's illegal?

Well, why is it a secret?

Okay, it's illegal.

What do you know about these
backroom slot machine places?

We look the other way.

[chuckles]

What's going on?

Are you Connie Tucker?

Well, this sucks.

ADULT SHELDON: In astronomy,

a syzygy is a rare event

when three or more
celestial bodies line up.

You may also know it
as the stars aligning,

which was probably coined

by someone who couldn't spell "syzygy."

If you want to win Scrabble,
remember this bad boy.

My father's idea of the stars aligning

was having the house
completely to himself.

I was at school,
Missy was at a friend's,

Georgie was working,

and my mother was on her
way to a church retreat.

♪ There was a God who had a son,
and Jesus was his name-o ♪

♪ J-E-S-U-S ♪

♪ J-E-S-U-S ♪

♪ J-E-S-U-S ♪

- ♪ And Jesus was his name-o. ♪
- [horn honks]

- [whistle blows over TV]
- ADULT SHELDON: For my father,

it was sweet, Southern syzygy.

S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y. Syzygy.

[doorbell rings]

[sighs]

Balls.

Hey, Billy. Sheldon's not here.

- Is Missy?
- Nope.

Good. I need to talk to you alone.

[sighs]

Balls.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

[grunts]

You mind if I watch the
game while we talk?

- That's fine.
- So, what's up?

I would like your permission
to ask out Missy.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay. Uh...

[TV turns off]

Well, I appreciate you coming to me.

I wanted to do this the right way.

Uh-huh.

You know, Billy, this
sounds like a big step.

I'm not sure Missy's really
ready for dating yet.

She went out with Marcus from school.

They went to the movies.

Yeah, that is... meaningful.

But they broke up, so now's my chance.

[exhales]

Does Missy know anything about this?

- No.
- Great.

Let's build on that. [exhales]

You don't want to be the rebound guy.

What's that?

That's the guy after
the guy she really liked

and before the next
guy she really likes.

- What?
- You and Missy are friends.

You go to school together.

That could make things complicated

if it doesn't go well.

- I didn't think about that.
- If she turns you down,

you're gonna have to
see her all the time.

But if it goes right, I get
to see her all the time.

[sighs]

I just think you ought to take a minute

and figure out if it's really worth it.

Hmm. I-It's like football.

You can go for it on fourth down
on your own -yard line,

but if you don't make it,
it's game over.

You're not just a football coach.

You're a coach of life.

ADULT SHELDON: You probably
think of quantum physics

as a white-knuckle rush of adrenaline,

like the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland.

But the reality can be
a little less exciting,

especially when you're stuck.

[clock ticking]

[lights humming]

We'll get this.

Perhaps a set of fresh
eyes could be helpful.

If you're going to suggest Dr. Sturgis,

I should remind you we
have a complicated history.

And your graviton research
is mediocre at best!

You're not qualified

- to judge my work.
- All right, that's it.

- [grunts]
- [bystanders gasp]

[Sturgis grunts]

We'll get this.

Hey. You ready for dinner?

Do I look ready?

No.

How was your day, dear?

Well, I ran out of quarters.

Then I had to break up a
fight over a dryer sheet.

Then washer number
three overflowed again.

Oh. Well, I had a nice day.

I got to pet a horse.

Come on, let me take you to dinner.

Dinner's not gonna fix this mess.

Yeah, I was counting on margaritas

to do the heavy lifting.

This is not what I signed up for.

I need to get some help in here.

Well, so, do it.

Great. I'm taking Georgie.

Georgie? No, he's my best employee.

- He's my grandson.
- Well, so what?

Sheldon's the smart one. Take him.

Do you want to go out with
somebody who's happy and fun

or some cranky, old woman
who smells like mop?

All right. All right. Take Georgie.

Thank you.

I'm gonna go get myself fixed up.

I think you look beautiful
just the way you are.

- Go to hell.
- Okay.

- Triplets left, man in motion.
- ANNOUNCER [over TV]: Play action.

- Here comes a pass.
- ANNOUNCER: He's got Jefferies deep.

- And that'll move the chains.
- See there?

Now I know where Sheldon
gets his brains from.

Congratulations.

You're the only person to ever say that.

What's gonna happen next?

You gonna get me a beer.

Yes, sir.

[door opens]

- [door closes]
- SHELDON: I'm home.

In here.

Watching the game with Billy.

Do you have the number
where Mom's staying?

Everything okay?

I need help navigating a
situation with Dr. Linkletter.

You should ask your dad.
He's really smart.

You're the first person
who's ever said that.

Yeah, try me. I might surprise you.

Dr. Linkletter and I are stuck
on a science problem.

I know Dr. Sturgis could help,

but I'm hesitant to suggest that

because I know they have
a professional rivalry.

Well, the way I see it,

y'all are on Team Science, right?

I suppose.

And people on the same team
don't have to get along

- to work together.
- Like you and Mom.

No.

A quarterback and his receivers.

He doesn't throw it to
the guy he likes best.

He throws it to the one that's open.

- So smart.
- So, I should ask Dr. Sturgis

what he thinks about the dark matter

being a Bose condensate?

Do you want Team Science to win?

Thank you. This has been helpful.

What's a Bose condensate?

I'll tell you at halftime.

You fancy yourself a bit of
an entrepreneur, don't you?

I like to think so.

And now that you're
not in school anymore,

I bet you're wanting to take
your career to the next level.

[scoffs] What kind of entrepreneur
would I be if I didn't?

Well, this is your lucky day,

because I have quite the opportunity.

How would you like to manage
a business all on your own?

That'd be amazing.

Be your own boss. Call the sh*ts.

Hell, yeah. What is it?

Managing a Laundromat.

No way.

Oh, now, come on.
You're perfect for this.

I'm a salesman.

There's nothing there to sell.

You got a bunch of bored people

with their pockets full of quarters,

you can't sell them something?

Then you're not the entrepreneur
I thought you were.

That ain't gonna work on me.

And this is why you're
management material.

Nice try.

The place is wall-to-wall girls.

Why didn't you lead with that?

ADULT SHELDON: My brother
went to the Laundromat,

excited to meet the female customer base

my meemaw had promised.

♪ Girls, girls, girls ♪

♪ Girls, girls, girls. ♪

You said "girls."

MEEMAW: They were girls once.

Not in this century.

Listen, I need you to help me with this.

I don't want to run this dump.

Then why'd you buy it?

[exhales] I'm retired.

I thought it might be fun,
get me out of the house.

And you picked a Laundromat?

It seemed like a better opportunity

at the moment.

What happened? You get
tricked by a con man?

No.

It's all right. Happens to
a lot of people your age.

Come with me.

Hey, uh, how's bachelor
life treating you?

Good.

Mary makes this parenting
thing seem hard.

I'm great at it.

So, you finally gave it a sh*t.

Good for you.

Make your jokes, but
I'm even helping out

- kids that aren't mine.
- Really?

Billy Sparks got a
little crush on Missy.

Uh-oh.

- Danger zone.
- What?

[chuckles]: Why?

Getting in the middle of your
teenage daughter's love life?

What could possibly go wrong?

I can't win with you.

I'm not even gonna tell you
how I helped Sheldon.

- It may be better you don't.
- Fine.

I used a sports metaphor
about science, and it worked.

- I'm sure it did.
- It did.

- I'm sure.
- You should be.

- I am.
- Good.

It is good.

Are you just gonna keep
having the last word?

No.

Thank you.

[sighs]

Just say it.

You're welcome.

A secret casino room?

Yeah.

The cops shut me down.

That is so cool.

Very cool.

I got a room full of slot
machines I can't turn on

and a room full of washing
machines I don't want.

Let's get this going again.

I can't. I'm on their radar now.

- That sucks.
- [sighs]

This is not how I saw this playing out.

Hey, you took a sh*t. That's impressive.

I guess.

I mean, most folks your age

have someone cutting up their food.

That's enough.

Well, I still think you're a badass.

[chuckles]

Thank you.

- We should probably get back out there.
- Oh.

[chuckles]: I ain't working for you.

But I'm rooting for you.

So, how'd it go?

I had Dr. Sturgis present
his ideas to Dr. Linkletter

like you said.

And?

John, I must say,

that might be the stupidest
idea I've ever heard.

[chuckles] Big talk coming from the man

who thought the whole
thing could be explained

with classical field theory.

Oh, no.

- Then what happened?
- Well...

Why on earth would you bring
this crackpot into my lab?

You didn't mention me, did you?

Because we're all on Team Science,

and don't we want Team Science to win?

- Okay, good.
- But then...

"Team Science"?

And where did you get that
bit of clichéd nonsense?

My dad.

[exhales]

What did you say to Billy?

Uh...

What did Billy say to you?

He asked me out. And he said
he talked to you about it?

- Well, yes, but...
- Why wouldn't you warn me?

He asked me out in front of my friends.

I didn't tell him to do it.
I-I told him to think about it.

Well, he thought about it,
and then he did it,

so thanks a lot.

[sighs]

Wayne was right.

You told Coach Wilkins?

- A little.
- His wife is my teacher.

Do you have any idea how bad this is?

I'm putting it together.

[exhales]

I didn't tell him to do it!

[door slams]

♪ ♪

[clock ticking]

You see it, right?

That Dr. Sturgis was correct

and I need to eat crow
and go back to him?

Yes.

Let's just give it another moment.

- Morning.
- Mmm.

Morning.

- [chuckles]: What's this?
- _

You've been doing such
a good job at home,

I thought you should be recognized.

[chuckles]: Oh.

- Thanks.
- Mm.

How'd everything go last night?

Not bad. Not bad.

Glad to hear it.

You lying sack.

- What?
- I know Billy asked Missy out

and it all went south.

Darlene told me everything.

Oh, man, how did she find out?

You know how gossip flies
in the teachers' lounge.

Fine. Everything you said is true.

Shouldn't have gotten involved.

Well, I'm-a let you keep the mug

- as a goal to work towards.
- Mm, gee, thanks.

How'd the thing with Sheldon go?

[exhales]

All right, give me the mug back.

Gladly.

_

[scraping]

MEEMAW: years old,
scraping Tootsie Roll out

- of a clothes dryer.
- GEORGE JR.: Hey.

What do you want?

I want to help you out.

Oh, I knew you'd come back.
Listen, I got most of it,

but there's this one chunk
in there that won't let go.

I'm not here to work.

I'm here with the answers
to all your problems.

And what is that?

How to get your back room
up and running again.

I'm listening.

I was thinking about Chuck E. Cheese.

Oh, God.

Hear me out.

Your payouts were in cash.

That's illegal.

When you play games at Chuck E. Cheese,

you win tickets.

Those tickets are traded
for prizes. That's legal.

You just need to do the same thing.

People play your machines.

Now the credits they win

get exchanged for stuffed animals.

Then you buy those stuffed
animals back for cash.

No laws broken, and
you're back in business.

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Why?

Because I don't run a carnival.

Grown-up people don't-don't gamble

to win a teddy bear.

You're not getting it.

I'm getting that it's dumb.

I'm trying to help you.

If you really wanted to help me,

you would stick your head
in there and start scraping.

ADULT SHELDON: Eventually,
Dr. Linkletter admitted

we could use the help of Dr. Sturgis,

and Team Science was back in action

scoring goals against Team Ignorance.

Look at me, talking like a jock.

Oh, I see you came around to my idea

for distinguishing massive particles

from axion particles.

Well, it did provide an
excellent jumping-off point

for me to cr*ck the actual problem.

Seems the actual problem
is your inability

to recognize a brilliant idea
when it's handed to you.

Is that so, you pedantic little gremlin?

How dare you!

Well, it's all just simple...

ADULT SHELDON: My father was right.

They were bringing the
best out of each other,

like steel sharpening steel.

Although I suppose,
based on your premise,

we could calculate the
stress-energy tensor for each.

ADULT SHELDON: It turned
out their antagonism

was the key to their success.

... find an experiment
to distinguish them.

While derivative, I'll admit your
point does have some merit.

Of course it has merit, you... you...

- [whispers]: Big, pink Sasquatch?
- [whispers]: Good.

You big, pink Sasquatch!

[growls softly]

Bink's the name.

- Dr. Bink.
- GIRL: Dr. Fink?

BINK: Bink. With a "buh," "buh," "buh."

How you doing?

Fine.

Things okay at school?

Why? So you can go tell your friends?

[sighs]

I just want to know how you're doing.

Let's see. Billy feels bad.

I feel bad for turning him down.

Everything's awkward and terrible now.

Does that answer your question?

Hey.

Thanks for letting me come by.

Sure.

- How's he doing?
- I don't know.

He never tells me anything.

Well, Missy talks.

It is not an improvement.

[chuckles]

Billy!

Mr. Cooper's here!

How you doing?

Oh, do not look under that rock.

But I appreciate you asking.

Tough week, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, I been there.

- You have?
- Oh, yeah.

Darcy Lockhart, eighth grade.

Shut me down on the school bus.

- That sounds awful.
- Couldn't even leave.

Just had to sit there.

I asked nine stops too early.

What did you do?

I felt bad for a while,

but then I asked out Maggie Gormly.

She said yes?

Absolutely not.

And would you believe I did
it on the bus a second time?

What a dope.

Well, I'm never asking
anybody out again.

You will.

At least the worst part's over.

- Doesn't feel like it.
- Hey.

You got rejected, but was
it the end of the world?

No.

And that is extremely
valuable information.

A lot of guys don't learn
that and stop taking chances.

And honestly, you dodged
a b*llet with Missy.

The girl is mean.

Thanks.

[chuckles]

ADULT SHELDON: My father didn't
always get the credit he deserved.

The advice he gave me actually
worked out pretty well.

Of course, I never told him.

Talked to Billy.

Why would you do that?

No, it was good.

Stay out of my life.

ADULT SHELDON: He may not have
been the world's greatest dad.

But maybe we weren't the
world's greatest kids.

I guess I'll just sell the place.

If I take a bath, so be it.

Oh, I don't know. I got a realtor
friend, might be able to help.

You mean like your cop
friend who shut me down?

Yeah, that wasn't great.

Mm.

What about Georgie's idea?

That dumb Chuck E. Cheese thing?

Dale, come on.

Well, actually, I think
it's kind of brilliant.

You think that grown-ups
are gonna gamble

for some stuffed animals?

Yeah, that you're buying back from them.

Well, a teddy bear's only
worth a couple of bucks.

It's worth whatever you say it's worth.

They win a hundred bucks,
then it's worth a hundred bucks.

[knock on door]

It seems I owe you an apology.

Come on in.