03x16 - Black Vortex, Part 3

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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03x16 - Black Vortex, Part 3

Post by bunniefuu »

[Quill] Okay. The good news is,
we saved the shrunken Kree home world,

which is expanding back
to its normal size.

The bad news...

[computer] Self-destruct
in two minutes.

is fairly self-explanatory.

[alarm blaring]

This is it, everyone.

[clicks]

Peter, wait.
Did you see that mirror

in the weapons vault?

You mind, Gamora?

I'm trying to spend my
final moments in this galaxy

with some mid-'70s
one-hit wonders.

They may not have to
be your final moments.

That mirror is called
the Black Vortex.

Thanos said it was an
indestructible prison.

Drax approves of indestructible.

Yeah, well,
Rocket don't approve of no prison.

I am Groot.

Good point, bud.

Ain't a prison in the
galaxy I can't escape.

The thing is, this prison
isn't exactly in the galaxy.

[alarm continues blaring]

[Quill] I don't know, Gamora.

This thing looks,
like, super evil.

Self-destruct in 15 seconds.

Who am I to judge?

Everyone hold hands so
we don't get separated.

I am Groot!

[yelling]

[yelling]

[yelling]

[groaning]

Huh?

Okay.

What am I doing back
here in the cockpit?

Of my ship that blew up?

Guys? Hello?

Anybody else feel weird?

Wow. Okay.
I gotta lay off the midnight snacks.

Oh, creepy...

but cool.

Hah!
I suddenly feel very flexible.

♪♪ [upbeat]

And speaking of flexible...

[chuckles]

Ah! [chuckles]

Oh, hey, Mr. Quill, do you want to go
careening into a black mirror prison?

Oh. Oh, no!

[laughs] Sweet!

I'm all Drax-jacked,
without even working out.

[laughs, grunts]

Whoa. [groans]

[blowing]

[yells]

[murmuring]

[grunts] Oh, there.
Well, that's more like it.

[groans] Well,
mostly more like it.

[alarm blares]

Am I melting?

[computer beeping]

Yep, I'm melting.

Holy krutack, I'm melting!

Okay, uh, I, uh,
gotta cool the place down.

Aw, turning to steam.
Stupid science!

Eh. Huh? Okay.

Look, there's gotta be
some explanation for this.

[automated voice] Warning.

Ship is on collision course
with unidentified sun.

Re-correct course or suffer a
27-million-degree fiery doom.

Not the explanation
I was hoping for!

[automated voice] Warning. Ship on
collision course with unidentified sun.

Prepare for incineration.

[laughter]

Ah! Man,
those are some graphic graphics.

I gotta turn this ship around
before I'm Star-Lord soup!

Oh, come on!

Does everything have to
be a taffy pull right now?

[grunts]

Oh snap, my arm! My arm just...

Huh. Didn't even hurt.

Hah! Now I know how Groot feels.

Okay. Easy there. Easy there.

Oh, easy. I need both my arms
to turn this boat around.

[grunts]

[annoyed grunt]

Come on. Give me a hand here.
Preferably mine!

Really?

[grunting]

Let's go. Let's go!
This sun isn't getting any cooler!

Please be a nice arm. Come back.

I... I promise I'll do
more bicep curls, okay?

Whoa! [groans]

Get back here!

[yells]

[groans]

[sighs]

Yeah. Very funny.

Ha-ha! Thought you could
get the upper hand!

[blows raspberry]

Hey, that joke was a classic!

Ow! Ow!

Oh. Give me a break here.

We're melting, remember?

[groaning]

Ow!

You know,
if you're gonna struggle,

I'm just gonna keep
you at arm's length.

Which is no good when
it's your own arm.

[groaning] Come on!

[grunting]

Ooh, wait. Right there.

Now left. A little lower.

Higher. Higher.

Dang it, it moved! Lower again!

[bell dings]

[knuckles cracking]

[blow lands]

[birds chirping]

Oh, a wise guy, huh?

[Gamora on comm link] Quill.
Quill, do you read me?

[groans] Gamora?
Hang on, I'm here!

Gamora, where are you?

For that matter, where am I?

We're inside the Black Vortex.

It's a prison dimension
that can take on any form.

Would "any form" include being made
of putty and careening toward a sun?

Listen carefully, Quill.

You need to get a flower.

Now is not the time to
brighten up the cockpit!

[sighs] Focus, Quill.
I mean a Groot flower.

Oh.

Groot's branches seem
to be functioning

as some sort of divining rod.

Follow it,
and it will bring us all together.

That sounds improbable,
but so is being made of clay,

so I'll give it a sh*t.

Hurry.

Yeah,
that's not gonna be an issue.

Okay, branch,
guide me out of here.

Seriously? You think you're gonna
stop me from grabbing that branch?

Hah! Yeah, nice try.

Too bad these Element
Blasters only work for me.

Oh right! You are a part of me.

[grunts]

[straining]

Okay. This is gonna hurt
me more than it hurts you.

Probably.

This ends now.

We can either blast each
other or melt together.

Your choice.

[distorted grunting]

[grunts]

There's gonna be a
play at the plate!

Here's the slide.

And he's safe!

[grunting]

Okay. No way out below decks.

Well, maybe I can eject
through the canopy.

[groans] This is like trying
to escape from inside a S'more!

Quill! How's it going?

Not great.

I'm about to melt like a
candy bar in my pocket.

To be continued.
I hope. Gotta go!

Okay, look, I get it.
You're mad. I got the branch.

But we're running
outta time here!

If I melt, so do you!

[yells]

Aah! Help me out here.

What exactly do
you want from me?

Hey! Watch it!

Oh. Oh, wait, I get it.

We're on the same team.
You're trying to help!

[bell dings]

And if I melt myself,
we can ooze on down the road

before the ship burns up!

[sighs] Oh, welcome home, buddy.

Okay, here goes nothing.

Oh, man.

Now I know how the candy
bar in my pocket feels.

[Rocket] Yo, Groot.
Quill. Gammy! Drax!

Anybody? Where the flarg am I?

[Gamora on comm link] You're
inside the Black Vortex.

It's a prison dimension
that can take on any form.

[sighs] Gamora. You're a sound
for sore ears. Where are you?

I'm not sure, but I think I
know how we can find each other.

Do you have your Groot branch?

Heh. You kiddin' me?

The creature ain't been
born that could wrestle this

from my cold, lifeless paws.

Make sure they don't.

If you follow the flower,
it should bring us back together.

Good ol' Groot. Still helpin'
out by openin' a branch office.

Huh? I'm starting to feel funny.

[screams]

I don't know what's going on,

but this place is
seriously flarged!

Okay, branch, do your stuff
and find me a way outta here.

[sniffing]

[screams]

Whoa! Hey, slow down!

[screams, groans]

[groans]

Easy, boy! Heel!

This rug burn is fryin' my fur!

Ah! A bear!

I ain't no bear!

[bird chirping]

Ah! A rodent!

And I certainly ain't no ro...
Ho-ho-ho!

[screams]

Hello, exterminator?
I need help!

Exterminator?
Hey, listen half-a-lady,

you got it all wrong!

[tires screeching]

[footsteps approaching]

Wait, I know this.

Oversized hammer...
Naw, it can't be.

I am Ronan, the Exterminator!

And you are accused of
being a bothersome pest.

[whimpering]

[yelling]

[grunts] Stop!

[growling]

[yelling]


[hammer blows landing]

Hah! Ya missed me!
But I ain't gonna miss you!

[whimpers]

Okay. This ain't normal.

Huh? [chuckles]

I will cleanse you, vermin.

You're gonna have
to catch me first!

[crash]

[groans]

Wah! [screaming]

Yeesh, take it easy, will ya?
[screaming]

[grunts, groans]

Not sure I wanna know
where I pulled this from.

[grunts]

Resistance is futile, rodent!

I will bring the
hammer of justice

down on your head.

Ain't my head I'm worried about.

And I ain't no rodent!

[yelling]

[grunts]

[yelling]

[grunting]

[yelling]

[crashing]

Heh. Not bad for pullin'
stuff outta thin air.

- It's like I'm in my own Pocket Dimension Storage Vial.
- [sniffing]

I think I actually got
the hang of this place!

Rocket, have you found Drax yet?

Not yet. This crazy branch
is getting' me nowhere!

Oh, so ya finally
decided to do your job.

I suddenly feel very
light on my feet.

Fine friend you
turned out to be.

[thud]

[bird chirping]

No more trash for me, Ma.

I'm full. [babbling]

Now where'd that no-good branch go?
Huh?

Heh. Show-off.

Hey, come back here!

[chuckles] Seriously?
Big house, tiny rake?

Like I'm dumb enough
to fall for that gag.

- [thud]
- [groans]

[groaning]

[sniffing]

Now what do you want? Whoa.

[crying out]

Uh-oh, I'm bein' tailed.

Let's see if this cartoon
stuff really works.

[bell dinging]

Whew.

[thud]

[groans] Seriously,
what's up with gravity in this place?

Whew.
Looks like I'm outta the woods.

Even though, you know,
I'm still in the woods.

[screams]

[whimpering]

Okay tall, dark, and shadowy.
Enough already!

Ow!

Only one guy I know
with a head that hard.

Drax! I found you!

I would argue that your random
blunt instruments found me first.

Why you gotta be so krutackin'
literal all the time?

- Anyway, it's good to see your ugly mug.
- [sniffing]

I possess no such
drinking receptacle.

[yells] Skip it!
How'd ya find me?

It appears that this Groot branch
somehow led me to this strange place.

[both sniffing]

Why didn't ya just
tell me it was you?

I got kinda spooked by your shadow
followin' me around like that.

[laughing] Timid
woodland creature!

A shadow cannot harm you.

[laughs]

[Ronan] Excellent.

Huh?

[both scream]

I now have two vermin

to exterminate from this world.

Ronan! I shall exact my revenge!

[grunts]

[airplane whirring]

[crash]

[laughs]

Sorry, Drax,
but that's hysterical!

[laughs, groans]

I will take these pieces
of foliage as proof

that I have cleansed this
world of your presence.

[birds chirping]

[both groaning]

These tiny spacecraft
are perplexing.

I do not understand this world.

We gotta get those branches back!
Shake it off!

And no, that's not a metaphor.
This means w*r.

[grunts] Yoink! Hah! Too easy!

[groans]

Rocket was in front of you,
then you were in front of him.

I still do not understand
how this world works.

Or why I suddenly have
this spear in my hand.

Whoa!

[babbling]

[groans]

[chittering]

- [clatter]
- [cat yowls]

[groans]

[crashing]

Sorry!

[squealing]

[yells, groans]

You idiot!
We're on the same side!

Sorry, I thought it was my turn.

Eh, don't matter.

What's important is we
got those branches back.

[Ronan] But not for long.

[growling]

Rocket?

Yeah?

I hate to express concern,
but does it bother you

that we are headed for a certain demise
off a cliff of undetermined height?

Nah,
this is exactly what we need.

[growling]

Now, Drax, whatever you
do, don't look down.

Why?
What will happen if I look...

[growls]

Oh...

I thought I told ya
not to look down.

Sorry, I still do not
understand this world.

Hmm. Hmm?

Mmm!

[groans]

What do we do now?

Simple, my friend.

We iris out.

♪♪ [cartoonish]
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