03x06 - Action!

Episode transcripts for the 2014 TV show "Red Oaks". Season 2 premiered November 11, 2016.
"Red Oaks" is a coming-of-age comedy, set in the 1980s, about a college student enjoying a last hurrah during the summer between his h*m* and junior years of college.

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03x06 - Action!

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ♪

NASH: I can't believe it.

I'm in shock.

What am I going to do?

Where am I going to go?

I'm an unemployed
-something tennis pro.

My only marketable
skills are my backhand

and facility for risqué banter.

I can't even type.

[SNIFFS] Maybe you could sell boats.

Is that supposed to be a joke?

Here, take this.

No, thank you.

GETTY: Take it. That's a Montecristo.

That's the finest cigar
you're ever gonna smoke.

I've been saving it for
a special occasion.

But you can have it.




All right, boychik.

Hey, boss.


What can I do for you?

I'm quitting.

I beg your pardon?

I got another job.

Another job?

- But the season's almost over.
- I know.

But I want to get my foot in
the door for next summer.

Your foot in the door? Where?

Windybush. Yeah.

I'm the new assistant pro.


So, that's my notice.

♪ ♪


BOTH: ♪ Dun-da-da! ♪

- Oh, my God, you guys!
- WHEELER: You like it?

It's... So, it's-it's a...
it's-it's a tooth.

It's beautiful.

Is it sugarless?

Ah. I'm just kidding.


- Come here, guys.
- Mm.

So, what do you want to do tonight?

Um, I don't know. What are my options?

We could go out to a
nice dinner somewhere.

Yeah, we could h*t some bars.

Or we could drive out to the
burbs and take a big poop

through Dr. Ron's moonroof.

Well, you know, as
tempting as that sounds,

I think I'm gonna go with option one.

- But only if I pay.

- No way.
- Absolutely not.

Uh, you guys are both unemployed.

- Yeah, we're not destitute.
- I got a job interview Monday.

Hey, that's great. Where?

Wedding videographer in the city.

Also, I think I might start

teaching tennis at a club
downtown for some extra cash.

Yeah. I'm gonna grab my wallet.


Is he gonna be okay?

I don't know.


I can't believe you
guys baked me a cake.



- Mmm.
- You gonna eat any actual cake?

No, no, frosting is the best part.



You're amazing, you know that?

You know how many people say
they're gonna do something

and then never do it?

You actually did it. You made it happen.

It's just community college.

So what?

That's a big deal.

Proud of you.

Nobody's ever looked at me like you do.




Give me some of that sweet frosting.


Mm! Almost forgot.

You stay right there. I have
a big surprise for you.

Don't move!



WHEELER: Let it go to answering machine.

- Okay.

- Don't want to k*ll the moment.

WHEELER [RECORDED]: Sorry we're not in,

but leave a message and
we'll get back to you

- at some future juncture.
- [BEEP]

FOX: Hi, Wheeler? It's Beryl.

Uh, I'm sorry, I got your
number from the registrar.


I'm so sorry about the other night.

I hope that, uh, you can call me back

and we can talk about it.

I need to see you again, Wheeler.

I need your sperm.

I'm sorry if I sound desperate.

- I really wanted this to work.

The whole episode has left me

feeling very emotional, and, um...

♪ Dun-da-da! ♪


FOX: If we could just meet,
I'm sure that we could

work something out.

Maybe you can go back to
trying the turkey baster.

WHEELER: f*ck!

- Which way she go?
- I don't know.



Hey! What are you doing here?

Oh, my God. Nigel sent me.

Nigel? Why?

He wants to see you.

♪ ♪

I watched your reel.


It was solid.

Not exceptional, but interesting.

Especially the, uh,
promotional video you sh*t

for that ridiculous country club.

Okay, okay. Okay.

NIGEL: You're clearly a fan of Truffaut

and Rohmer and La Nouvelle Vague.

DAVID: Oh, yeah, big-time, big-time.

It shows. But that's fine.

That's how you discover your own style,

by copying your idols.

Your take on the Lucky
Chow spot was interesting.

A bit unrealistic given that the
budget is next to nil, but, uh,

we can discuss that next week.

We can?

I realize a dog food commercial

isn't the sexiest of assignments,

but everyone has to start somewhere.

After all, Coppola got his
start making soft-core p*rn.


Thank you.

You're welcome, David.

♪ ♪


Oh, my God, Sam.

I hardly recognize this place.
You have transformed it.

I-I mean, I'm serious.

I would actually, I would
actually consider eating here

if you offered any healthy options

or I could somehow unsee that d*ad rat

you found drowned in the toilet.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks.

Why are you taking that down?

Grand opening is canceled.


The hood isn't up to code.

I get estimates.

It's gonna cost four grand to replace,

four grand that I don't have.

What about Terry?

We had a falling out. I'm on my own.

Oh... Sam.

All right, look, Judy,
just do me a favor.

Just don't say "I told you so."

♪ ♪

and Ma aren't home right now.

Leave a message and we'll call you back.



It's me again.

Please, just pick up the phone.

[SIGHS] Okay, I... guess you're out.

Or you're still too pissed to talk.

Or your mom is just
erasing these messages

before you get them, in
which case, hi, Jolene.

Look, I'm really sorry.

I know I screwed up, but
it's not what you think.

Okay? And-and it's just
way too complicated

to explain over the phone,
but I swear to God,

I can explain it if you just
give me a f*cking chance.

Just... just please call me back.


REBECCA: Hello, Nasser.


Where's Rabbi Ken?

Well, he's at a Temple
Beth Shalom camping trip.

Making sh'mores, no doubt.

I'm glad to see that you haven't
lost your sense of humor.

Just my job.

Actually, that's what I wanted
to talk with you about.


Ken and I spent last winter
visiting friends in Palm Beach.

We're, uh, members of a
newly reopened club.

I was talking to them last night
and they happened to mention

that they still haven't found
a full-time tennis pro.

I-I hope you won't be upset
with me or think I'm meddling,

but I phoned the general
manager and I told him...

what a lovely man you are,

and what a wonderful job
that you had done for us

here at Red Oaks.

And he said he would be very
excited to talk with you.

- You did that for me?
- Mm.

This is his number.

Just give him a call.


What a hauntingly beautiful name.

Like "Brigadoon."

Rebecca, I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

Bartender, Harvey
Wallbangers for everyone!

Or just another one for me.


This one's all spit and ice.

- Here we go!

May I borrow your phone, please?

Andy, is it? We never talk.

- Turns out to be a nice day.
- Yeah.

Yeah, maybe too nice.

Everybody's probably at the
shore or at a barbecue.

Not everyone.

Well, you better hope not.

'Cause if this thing goes belly up,

you can kiss your inheritance good-bye.


I wasn't counting on it.

Hey, I'm-I'm proud of you.

You took a risk. It's not easy.

Hey, you see the new exhaust hood?

Yeah. How much that thing set you back?

Four grand.

Well, not me. My new partner.

Rode to the rescue at the th hour,

like Yul Brynner in The
Magnificent Seven.

Really? Who is it?


Hi, everybody.

- Hey.
- Hi, baby. Mm.

- Hey, honey.
- Mazel tov. Mm.

Oh, I want you to meet
my lady friend Shirley.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- It's a pleasure, Judy.

Oh, hey, it's, uh, it's noon.

- Well, showtime, Sam.
- JUDY: Ooh.

- Here goes nothing.

♪ ♪

♪ Well, I got me a cowboy hat ♪

♪ To stick a feather in ♪

♪ Then I found a T-shirt... ♪


♪ And now I'm trying to act ♪

♪ Like I'm Willie Nelson's twin ♪

♪ I'm just a woman
trying to be an outlaw ♪

♪ I heard Waylon Jennings say ♪

♪ That if I really try ♪

♪ I'll go to Willie Nelson's house ♪

- ♪ When it's time to die ♪

♪ And I don't think... ♪



Okay. What?

- What?
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

You are so big.

Yeah, he likes to eat.

- He does.
- Hey!

Hey, Ricky.

Grab an apron, put a bib on the kid.

Get over here. I need your help.

- Got to be kidding me, this guy.
- Mm.

- Yeah.

- Thank you for coming.
- Well, yeah.

Thank you for calling.

You want this? go ahead.

There you go. Isn't that something?

- Look at that big piece.
- I know.

Um, do you want to have dinner tonight?

Tonight? Oh, God.

- I mean, I'm...
- No, it's not...

I-I would love to have dinner, but, um,

- Ricky has a date tonight...
- Mm-hmm.

...and I don't have anybody
to look after Leo, so...

Well, we can, you know...
We don't have to go out.

We could, you know, eat at your house.

I mean, I don't know,
I'd kind of prefer it.


Yeah, that'd be nice.


- SHIRLEY: Does she talk to you?
- Oh, is she speaking to me?

Yeah. No. -I thought you meant,
like, some spiritual thing.


Um... she's not talking to me.

No, she's not talk...

She's definitely not
talking to me right now.

I mean, I just... I don't know why

I'm having this conversation.

I don't even know you ladies that well.

- SHIRLEY: That's okay.
- GAIL: That's all right.

- We've been there.
- Yeah.

You know what, you got
to give the girl space.

That's right. You really do.

And it's like that old saying, you know,

"If you love somebody, set them free."

Who said that?

GAIL: Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Also Sting. Mm.

- Thank you, ladies.
- Oh, Wheeler, of course.

Aw, can you believe our
David was ever this little?

SAM: No, I do not believe that.

Mm, well, he was.

Well, I will take your word for it.

Oh. [GASPS] Thank you! Mmm!

- Mmm. Mmm.

- Mmm, yeah, okay.



You seem happy. Are you happy?

Yeah, I am.


SAM: Yes, I see.

- I like Gail. She's nice.

She is. She's nice.


- Everything okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Be right back.

He's coming back.


Yeah, he's coming back.



Had many customers?

Fair number.

♪ ♪

Sorry I called you a f*ck.

Sorry I called you a r*cist.

I'm not one.

I know.

I'm just a little
overprotective of my sister.

I promised my mom I
would look out for her,

not let her get taken advantage of

by any slick-talking sandwich maker.

I'm not taking advantage of your sister.

Hand to God.

Terry, I really care for her.

Yeah, I noticed.

[LAUGHS]: Yeah, I guess so.



Oh, you smell like oregano.

Yeah, it's my new aftershave.
"Greek Spice."


Oh, man, I miss you, buddy.

Come on.

SAM: I'll show you around, partner.

TERRY: I like the way that sounds.

- Yeah.

♪ Running down these city streets ♪

♪ When the future's calling me. ♪


Come on.


Huh! Boychik! [LAUGHS]

Hey, how was the Labor Day Luau?

- Poorly attended.
- Oh.

But the staff after-party was
one for the history books.

Oh, yeah?

I had a little ménage à trois

with a lusty lady greenskeeper,
who shall remain nameless,

and Skip.


Uh, that's, uh... that's awesome?


Uh, do you know if
Misty's working today?

Uh, she was earlier.

Cool. I'm gonna try and find her.

DAVID: Still won't return his calls.

NASH: When does the poor
bastard go back to school?

- DAVID: Tomorrow.
- Hmm.

Hey, why don't you pop
up to the pro shop?

You're welcome to any of
our unsold inventory.

Have you tried a stress ball yet?

Oh, David, they're a lot of fun.
Come on.



- Misty, wait!
- Screw you.

- I didn't cheat, I swear to God!
- Whatever.

That woman on the phone
was my professor!

Like that makes a difference!

Come on.


♪ ♪



Excuse me. Is this seat taken?

And then, on Sunday,
Skye made reservations

for brunch at Tavern on the Green.

Tavern on the Green?

Doesn't sound like Skye.

Well, I think she knows
you like it there,

so it'll help soften the blow.

Oy. What's happening now?

We're meeting her new beau.


Wonder what this guy's gonna be...

cheesemonger or fry cook?

As long as he's not an actor,
I'll be happy. -[CHUCKLES]

Mr. Getty, Mrs. Getty.

- GETTY: David!
- FAY: Oh, look at you.

Taking along a few souvenirs, I see.

Yeah, Nash said they were
gonna be thrown away,

so I figured, you know...

We should grab ourselves
a couple of those.

I'm sorry the video didn't
convince more people to vote no.

GETTY: What are you gonna do?

People want change.

Although why, I couldn't tell you.

So, where are you off to?

- Back to the city.
- FAY: Oh, hot date?

I'm prepping for a commercial sh**t.

What does, uh... What does that entail?

Uh, going over the script,
writing a sh*t list.

And this is something that
you're-you're making?

- DAVID: I'm directing, yeah.
- Oh.

You're directing? Look at this.

- Good for you.
- Thank you.

So, are you guys gonna
become members at Windybush?

- Over my d*ad body.

Yeah, well, we'll see.

First, we're going on a
nice, long vacation.

We are?

Nice. Well, I guess instead of
"bye" I'll say "bon voyage."


- Listen.

You keep in touch, huh?

- Yeah, I was planning to.
- Yeah?

Yeah, well, you still owe me that favor.


I always knew that kid was going places.

[SCOFFS] Yeah, right back to a
shitty one-bedroom in the city.


So, what's all this about me
and you going on a vacation?

Oh, yeah.

First thing Monday morning,
I want you to get on

your little, uh, travel computer...

...book us a first-class
cruise to the Caymans.

Can we afford that?

Well, you can ask my
banker when we get there.

Since when do you have a
banker in the Caymans?

Oh, since I started
squirreling money offshore

where the feds wouldn't find it.

♪ ♪


And it never occurred to you
that I might one day be upset

when I ran into your
illegitimate love child

at the mall?

It's not a love child if you're just

giving people some of your sperms.

Are you trying to tell me

that you're only doing
this for the money?


I don't believe you.

I think you felt sorry for them.

Maybe a little.

God! See, that's your problem.

Big heart, shit for brains.

Honest to God, I have never
met someone so smart

with less common sense.


Is this how it's gonna be
for the rest of our lives?

Every few months, you go
off, do something stupid?

'Cause I'd kind of like to know
what I'm getting myself into.


Did you just say "for
the rest of our lives"?


Meaning, like, together?


This baby comes out bald, I
might have to get him a wig.

I don't know if he'll come out bald,

but he won't have a lot of hair;
not as much as you, not yet.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

I trust you. Ho-ho!

Look at these bad hombres.

- Hi.
- Wow.

- You're...
- Due in October, yeah.

I put that in there. With my ween.


Have you come up with
any names yet or...?

If it's a girl, we're thinking Glinda,

and if it's a boy, Merlin.

But nothing's set in stone.

Can I...?



♪ ♪

Hey, babe, we got to motor.

Can't be late for Lamaze.


I'll keep an eye out
for your commercial.

Oh, cool.

And your movies.

I'm so proud of you.

Sayonara, fellas.


MISTY: Hey, guys.

Where have you been? -Took a
little spin around the links

for old time's sake.

Oh, is that a euphemism for making love?


No, it's not.


Dude, Nash, come on.

We have a shitload of
packing still to do.

- Packing?
- Yes, didn't I tell mention it?

We're, uh, rooming
together in Palm Beach.

Where our door is always open, boychik.

Thank you, Nash.

- Wheeler.
- Take care of yourself, man.

Oh, you, too, buddy. You, too.

- Nash.
- Misty, my dear.





Ah. Strong shape.

- Tut-tut!

You ready, buddy?

- Hop-ho! Ho!
- Hey-yo!


♪ Every time I see your face ♪

♪ It reminds me of ♪

♪ The places we used to go ♪

♪ But all I've got is a photograph ♪

♪ And I realize ♪

♪ You're not coming back anymore ♪

♪ I want you here to have and hold ♪

♪ As the years go by ♪

♪ And we grow old and gray ♪

♪ ♪


His face is saying nothing, but
his eyes are saying everything.

Okay, so let's start with,
uh, putting the track down

and we'll take it from the...

- Yeah, what is it?
- Dog's here.

Hmm. Can it act?

Yeah, it's the Dustin Hoffman of dogs.

Great, great.

Well, I'll be over to talk
to the owner in two secs.

- Any questions?
- Mm-mm. -No.

- Let's do it.
- Okay.

Okay, so...



- How's it going?
- Good, I think.

- Are you excited?
- I'm nervous and nauseous.

But that's probably 'cause I
haven't eaten anything yet.

[WHISPERS]: Psst. Don't tell anybody.

Eat something, silly.


What? What is it?

Let me fix you.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah? Thank you.

Hey, do you and Noah want
to grab a drink after wrap?

I think I'll probably need to
unwind a little bit, so...

I would, I would love that,

but, um, I've got to
go look at apartments.

Oh, are you guys moving?

Just me.

Noah decided to move back to Nebraska.

He got a job as a track coach
at our old high school.


Wow. Are-are you okay? I mean...


But I will be.

MAN: David, you want to see a frame?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, in a sec.

Are you okay? You sure?

- I'm fine. [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah?

Yeah, I think that
they're waiting for you.

Yeah, I think so.

- I'm gonna... go on over, okay?
- Yep.


DAVID: Okay, let me take a look at this.

Oh, yeah, this is great.

Uh, well, I'm not so much of a fan

of the, uh, the negative space.




MAN: Roll sound.


Lucky Chow spot, take one.




♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh, new sensations ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh, new sensations ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Talking 'bout some new sensations ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Talking 'bout some new sensations ♪

♪ I want the principles
of a timeless muse ♪

♪ I want to eradicate
my negative views ♪

♪ And get rid of those people
who are always on a down ♪

♪ It's easy enough to
tell what is wrong ♪

♪ But that's not what I want
to hear all night long ♪

♪ Some people are like human Tuinals ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh, new sensations. ♪

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