[birds quacking]
- Oh, mind your head.
- Okay, thanks.
Bye.
- Bye.
[Mark Morrison's
"Return of the Mack"]
- We probably won't
see each other again, right?
- It's unlikely.
- Great.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Well, I tried to tell you so ♪
♪ Yes, I did ♪
♪ But I guess
you didn't know ♪
♪ As the saddest story goes ♪
♪ Baby, now I got the flow ♪
♪ 'Cause I knew it
from the start ♪
♪ Baby, when you
broke my heart ♪
♪ That I had to come again ♪
♪ And show you that I'd win ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You lied to me ♪
♪ All those times
I said that I loved you ♪
♪ You lied to me ♪
♪ Even though you knew
I'd die for you ♪
♪ You lied to me ♪
♪ Yes, I cried,
yes I cried ♪
♪ Return of the Mack ♪
♪ There it is,
return of the Mack ♪
♪ Come on,
return of the Mack ♪
♪ Oh, my God ♪
♪ ♪
- You had sex.
- Yeah, boy!
Whoo!
Yes.
Come on!
[punchy music]
♪ ♪
[Paul Williams' "Braces"]
- Do you have the hairbrush?
- Uh, I have my hairbrush.
- Oh, come on.
I'm gonna be late for work.
- Weren't you supposed
to start, like, an hour ago?
- Oh, my God.
Did the clocks change?
- Yeah, last month.
- Oh, pathetic.
Oh, there it is.
[phone chimes]
- ♪ Don't be shy ♪
- [chuckles]
Well, well, well,
when it rains, it pours.
- What?
- ♪ Oh, Danny boy, ♪
♪ The pipes,
the pipes are calling ♪
- Dan?
No, you cannot see him.
- I can't help it if these boys
are obsessed with me.
- He's hot, but it's a bit naff.
- Yeah.
- What's he saying then?
- Nothing.
- Oi!
- He just asked if I was around
for a drink this afternoon.
- You freak.
What'd you say?
- I said I might be, yeah.
Hey, oh, don't.
- [grunts]
- Ugh.
- "LOL, yeah."
- Mm-hmm.
- "Keen, keen, keen.
Where and when?
I'm free all day."
- It's a casual,
afternoon drink,
and if we have sex--if...
- Oh, my God.
- We have sex...
- Oh, my God.
- It means nothing.
- Actually come on.
- Afternoon sex
is basically an errand.
♪ ♪
- Fine, do what you want,
but use protection.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not childproofing
this flat.
- Okay.
- Do you really think
it's a good idea?
- It's fine.
I don't like him.
He's just my friend.
- So you're not gonna
sleep with him then?
- Oh, no,
I definitely will, yeah.
- Right.
- Honestly, I can stay to
the end of the shift
if you can't cover.
- No, it's fine.
It's fine.
I can handle this lot.
[chuckles]
Go do your thang, girl.
- Ugh, I've messed it up.
I shouldn't have drawn
his teeth.
- I don't like him.
- Oh, Humphrey Bogart?
- Yeah.
- Oh, right.
You know he's in the film
you're about to watch?
- He wishes.
- Okay.
- Don't you think
it's just hard to be friends
with people you've had sex with?
- Well, we've had sex.
We're friends.
- Well, yes.
But that's--that--
that's different.
That's, like,
a different vibe, you know?
Plus it was only one time,
barely even remember it.
If anything,
I try to block it out.
- Oh, my God,
I've written "Cabaslanca."
- No, no, please, please,
please don't do that.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- We can't.
We can't.
We can't break it.
- We can't.
- No, no, no!
- It's exact money.
- It's so tiring.
- It takes us so long to--
- It's such a tiring thing.
[indistinct chatter]
- Hi.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, hi.
- What are you doing,
pretending to read again?
- Yes, that's good.
Oh, so good to see you.
Hi, you look great.
- Thank you.
- Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, it's fine.
No, no, no, it's fine.
Yeah, no,
haven't been here for long,
so it's fine, good.
- So how are you?
What's going on?
- I'm great.
No, yeah, I'm great.
Just came from work.
- Oh, how's the cinema biz?
- Great, it's booming.
- Yeah?
You running the place yet?
- Yes, finally, no.
Actually, they let me
use the photocopier now
because I make this,
like, monthly newsletter.
- Very cool.
- Yes, it's actually
mainly just to tell them
not to download p*rn
on our Wi-Fi.
- Really?
God.
- No, it's all right.
That was--that was a joke.
- Oh.
[chuckles]
I mean, that's not a bad idea.
[chuckles]
- [chuckles]
No, yeah.
How's your work?
How's the café?
Still in the café with
the dusty cakes in the window?
- [chuckles]
Yeah, yeah, still there.
But it's all chill.
I've just been sort of,
yeah, mainly focusing
on my music really.
- Sorry, what music?
- My music.
You know about my music.
- Yeah, sorry, no, sorry,
when you said--yeah, your music.
- Yeah.
- Yes, I love it.
- Yeah, I know, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- What kind of music is it?
- Ooh, at the minute,
I've been trying
to move away from dub,
but, like, it's impossible.
- Right.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, I know you.
- All right, where is it?
Oh, bugger, oh, dear, hang on.
There we are.
Aww, oh, look at that.
- It's nice.
- Nice?
Oh, piss off.
That's f*cking romantic,
that is.
Side-by-side burial plot.
She's gonna lose her mind.
- I thought you said
she wanted a new watch.
- Yeah, but that was a trap,
see if I take the easy route.
Anyway, stop distracting me.
I'm trying
to find you something.
- You're the one who started
showing me burial plots.
- Ooh, yeah, here we are.
Now, the script
is a piece of sh*t,
but the money is outrageous.
- What's the part?
- Todd Emery,
an unlucky in love optometrist,
who falls in love
with a blind girl.
Rachel McAdams already attached.
- Okay, this might be
a crazy idea,
but how about we try
and find something for me
that's actually good.
- What?
Like a little indie film?
- Don't know, maybe.
- Why?
You putting on weight?
- Ugh, forget it.
- Are you unwell?
Let me see.
- Nothing's wrong with me.
- What's going on with you?
Why are you doing this to me?
- And so kind of
long story short,
it wasn't their cat,
so I had to give the money back,
but they asked me
to stay for dinner.
[laughs]
- [chuckles]
- That's my Saturday.
What?
- I missed you.
- Ooh, okay, Dan.
- Jessie.
- Oh.
Before this happens,
I just want to say
I love being friends,
and I would love to continue
that friendship.
- Yeah, great, me too.
- Yeah, so obviously
we can go back to my house,
but I just want to warn you
there is a weird smell
in my room at the moment,
but I feel like
if you know the context
of the smell,
then it kind of feels weird...
- Jessie.
- At least weird when
you smell it.
- Jessie, wait, I--ugh.
This is awkward.
Uh, you know I'm
in a relationship, right?
- No, you aren't.
- Yeah, I am big time.
- Ooh, so--who?
Who's--who?
- Claire.
- Claire.
Claire.
Oh, wow, Claire from the café.
Oh, Claire.
Oh, Claire with the...fringe.
She's got a fringe.
- How'd you know
she's got a fringe?
- Oh, you know,
anyone who follows her
on Instagram knows that.
She's--it's been
a big transition for her.
Really big year, so that's--
no, no, no, I--
that's so cool
'cause you and Claire
both have fringes.
- Why are you being like this?
Like, you literally just said
that you just wanna be friends.
- I don't--no, no, no, sorry,
no, and I stand by that.
I totally stand by--
I wanna be your friend,
but I just feel like you
sort of getting into
a proper relationship
is sort of a step too far
and quite rude and ultimately
uncalled for, so...
- Well, look, I mean,
we're pretty much
open anyway, so...
- Oh, oh, okay,
cool, cool, dude, nice.
[laughs]
This is not honestly.
- Why are you lashing out at me?
- I am not lashing out.
The way I'm reacting to this
is entirely consistent
with my personality.
- Jessie, come on.
- Oh, sorry, my ride
is two minutes away.
Um, give my love to fringe.
- It's Claire.
- Yeah, whatever.
You do you.
- [sighs]
Do you know what I mean?
It's like...
- I'm telling you
I think it's cancer.
I don't have long.
- Cathy, you don't
have eye cancer.
- How do you know?
You're not a doctor.
I've got all the symptoms.
Look.
- That's not a--
you're just twitching your eye.
That's not a symptom.
- Thank you.
- No worries.
- It was delicious by the way.
- Wow, I'm really glad.
- Thank you.
- No worries.
Have a good night.
- Thanks, you too.
- No.
- What?
- You can't f*ck civilians.
- She--
[sighs]
I should fire you.
- Oh, you're not gonna fire me.
I "Star is Born"-ed you.
- You can't call
people civilians.
- To you, that's what they are.
These girls know
lots more about you
than you know about them.
It's not normal.
- God.
- All I'm saying
is there is a reason
actors date other actors.
It's just easier.
- Wow,
you're a true romantic, Cath.
- Well, it's easier
for everyone.
I mean, half the time,
these poor people
don't know what they're
getting into with your lot.
I mean, look at
Reese Witherspoon's husband.
- What about him?
- He d*ed.
- No, he didn't.
- He didn't?
Well, who am I thinking of?
- Always a pleasure, Cath.
- I don't mean to scare you,
and I'm not being dramatic,
but I will say this.
Dating someone like you
will most likely
ruin a girl's life forever.
- Wow, okay.
- Or worse, yours,
or by extension mine, so...
- Yep.
- Just a few things
to think about.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- I'm gonna skedaddle.
Oh, and listen.
If you think
about eating bread,
call me, and I'll talk you down.
No bread.
Say it.
- No bread.
- Got it.
- f*cking hell.
- So you're on a corner?
You're on a corner.
- f*ck off.
No, I don't want to cancel
because then
that's how they get your money.
They do the cancellation fees,
and--no, not you.
I mean, like,
the fat cats higher up.
You sound lovely.
You sound great.
So I don't just--if you come
around the block,
and I'll meet you on the corner.
I'm on the corner
if that is any help.
It's just--yeah, okay,
I'll see you then.
Great, I mean, super excited
to meet you, man.
I mean, this is gonna be great.
All right, good-bye.
[grumbles quietly]
- Jessie.
- [laughs]
Wow, hi.
- I just--I saw you
through the window.
- Cool, yeah, nice.
- It's been a while.
- Yeah, just waiting for a car,
so...that's why I'm here.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, are you following me?
- No.
- 'Cause obviously
I'm not following you...
'cause, you know...
- Jess!
you were the one that came
to say hi from the window.
Oh, God, hi.
- Ah, you forgot your book.
- Great, thank you.
- That's all right.
- Dan, this is Tom
Tom, this is Dan.
- Hey.
- f*ck off.
It's--you're that dude from--
from what's it called.
Mate, I'm such a big fan.
- Are you?
- Yeah.
Hey, look, I know
it's a bit awkward,
but I'll get a photo with you.
My brother's--like, he'd freak
if he knew I was with you.
- No, that's cool.
- You sure?
Jessie.
- Oh, oh, great, great.
Okay.
Didn't know this one
had a camera.
- [chuckles]
This is mad.
How do you two
know each other then?
- Okay, great,
well, there we go
because my car's here actually,
so good to see you, Tom.
Good to see you, Dan.
It's me, so...oh, my God.
Literally insane.
- Jessie--
- Sorry, can I get a photo?
- What?
- Yeah, of course.
- Loved you in "The Avengers."
- I wasn't in that.
- Yes, you were.
[indistinct chatter]
- Okay, so I got, like,
half a pint left in the pub,
so I'm gonna bounce, all right?
Oh, actually, hey,
do you want a little drink?
- No, you're good, mate.
- You sure?
All right.
Hey, this was nice, right?
- No, it wasn't.
- Yeah, true.
[chuckles]
All right, man, see you later.
- Can you take a photo?
- Oh.
- No.
- No, no, no.
- I can take yours too.
- No, it's all right.
- Oh, my God, okay.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey--say hi
to your girlfriend for me.
- What?
- You--whoa.
- I don't have a girlfriend.
- Yes, you do--
stop ruining
my cool moment with the window.
- Can we just get a drink?
- No.
- Wait, so you broke up
on your birthday?
- Yep.
- You said that you broke up
on New Year's Eve.
- That is my birthday.
- Oh.
I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.
- So do you combine parties,
or do you--
you just do another thing
on another day?
- Are you sorry
about me breaking up
or about my birthday
being on New Year's Eve?
- Mainly the birthday--yeah,
mainly the birthday thing.
- Yeah, me too, actually.
- Oh, really?
It's probably 'cause--
[chuckles]
we--well, I nearly made
"The Daily Mail"
the morning that you--
well, that we--yeah.
- sh*t, I'm so sorry.
- No, no, no, it's fine.
It was funny.
It was quite funny.
They thought I was
the cleaner, so you're safe.
I mean, the speed
at which they assumed that
was pretty offensive.
- Well, that's ridiculous.
I mean, if anything,
you left a real mess.
- Oh, my God.
[gasps]
Oh, yeah, I--okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- I didn't even
put a towel down.
That was a bold move.
- My bed looked like
a Jackson Pollock painting.
- Shut up.
- I had to burn my sheets.
- [chuckles]
No, you didn't.
- No, I didn't.
I put them in the freezer
as a keepsake.
- [laughs]
Sorry, I just have
to make a quick call.
Hello, Metropolitan Police.
I need--yeah,
okay, no, I'll hold.
[chuckles]
- Who played the titular
Father Ted?
- Dermot Morgan.
- Worth five points.
- What?
- Quiz.
- And the answer
is Dermot Morgan.
- Oh, you got it right!
- I love pub quizzes
in a healthy way,
not in a psycho way.
- Yeah, me too.
I love 'em.
I mean, people say
I'm quite competitive
when I do it, but I don't
think that--Zsa Zsa Gabor!
- Way too loud.
What was that?
- I'm sorry.
- Just a reminder
that teams need to pay
the five quid to participate
in the quiz.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
- Question nine--
name three members
of the cast from the film
"The Outsiders."
- C. Thomas Howell,
Patrick Swayze,
Ralph Macchio,
Emilio Estevez,
Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe,
Matt Dillon.
- How do you know that?
- Oh, I used to be a virgin.
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
- Okay...that's gross.
- It's gross?
- No, you can't say that.
- I can say that.
- That--well, okay.
- Okay, no, no, no.
- What?
- Okay, I have a good one.
A very good one.
- Okay.
- Okay, I--the options are...
- Give it to me.
- Either you can k*ll a
chicken
with your bare hands
or you can live
with the chicken for a year.
- Live with the chicken.
- No, sorry.
It has to live inside.
- Why can't it live outside?
- Because the chicken's
paying rent.
Do you want to be
that kind of landlord?
- [sighs]
- Really?
- Yeah, k*ll it.
- Yeah, cool, I'd do the same.
Um, this is where I live.
- Oh, looks nice.
- It is.
Yes, it is.
It's very nice.
It's--the ninth of it
that is ours is pretty cozy.
- Right.
[chuckles]
- So...
I'll see you later.
- Actually, probably not.
I'm away for a bit now.
- Oh, oh, cool.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, where are you going?
- Prague.
- Wow.
Can't just make up
a country, Tom,
just so you don't--
say, "Okay,
I'm going to Prague."
Great.
- Well, yeah, I am.
- Yeah, okay.
[chuckles]
Well, it's good.
- Could I use
your loo, actually?
- Yes, totally.
- Yeah?
- No, of course, yes.
- Cool.
- Should have said
something earlier, yeah.
- Should we be winding a bit--
- Quiet.
- Yeah.
- Okay, just bit a quiet.
- Where have you been?
I've been texting you--
Hey, I'm Kate.
- Tom.
- Yeah.
- Nice to meet you.
- Tom.
- Tom's here
to use the bathroom.
- Okay, cool, great,
yeah, love it.
It's great up there.
- It's down there?
- I can show you.
- It's up on the--
- Just on the left.
- Just on the left, yeah.
- Okay.
- Up.
- What the f*ck?
- Shut up.
- What's he doing here?
I thought you were supposed
to be with Dan.
- I was with Dan, and then Tom
was there for some reason,
and then Dan
is now going out with Claire,
and Claire has a fringe now.
A lot has happened,
lot has happened.
- Oh, my God.
When it rains,
it absolutely pisses itself.
What the f*ck?
We're out of f*cking tea.
Will he have whiskey?
We have ice cream.
What's the vibe?
- That's the thing.
I don't know what the vibe is
because he was like,
"Do you wanna go for a drink?"
And then we went for a drink.
And then he was like, "Oh, I'll
walk a little bit
of the way with you."
And then he's walked
all the way here,
and then now he's in here,
and he's upstairs
in the bathroom,
and I don't know
what that is as a vibe.
- Okay, so the vibe is that he
has made some bullshit excuse
to come over to our house
because he's in love with you
and you are going to have sex.
- Stop it.
Stop it.
Shut up.
- [gasps]
You're going
to go to the Oscars.
- Shut up!
[indistinct arguing]
- You're insane!
[indistinct arguing]
- Have you seen how hot he is?
- I know.
Just calm down.
- You don't understand.
- You're gonna embarrass me.
You're gonna embarrass me.
- This is the best thing ever.
That's why I'm freaking out.
- [sighs]
What are you doing?
[indistinct arguing]
- You are making this hard.
- I'm gonna do whatever--
- I don't care--hey.
How is everything up there?
- You were right.
It's a real party in there.
- Oh, thank you.
- I'd better be off.
- Oh, are you sure?
Because--
- Yeah, no, of course,
yeah, please.
- It was lovely to meet you.
- It was lovely
to meet you, Tom.
- I'm sorry.
- It was great to see you, pal.
- You too, yeah.
[chuckles]
Um, I'll show you out, sorry.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll just--
I'll see you around.
- Yeah, totally.
- Good night.
- Night.
[soft jazz music]
♪ ♪
- "Pal."
- "Pal."
- Yeah, it's not great.
- Oh.
♪ ♪
- f*cking "pal."
♪ ♪
01x02 - Spring
Watch/Buy Amazon
Follows Jesse a millennial who lives in London and struggles to pay bills while working two jobs.
Follows Jesse a millennial who lives in London and struggles to pay bills while working two jobs.