02x20 - Ken and the CEO

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, Damona.

I come bearing a delicious
treat for you and...

Well.

Now I'm glad I didn't
bring you that baby bird.

You can't be coming up in
here with muffins for me.

- Well, why not? I just wanted you to...
- Shh!

[Softly] If people start
seeing you giving me muffins,

they're gonna know we back together.

Well, what of it?

Let's love out loud!

People are gonna start asking
questions and getting involved,

and I just don't want anything
to mess this up this time.

All right, fine. We'll keep it a secret.

But for the record, I don't think

anyone's gonna read
anything from a muffin.

[Sniffing]

Hello.

Guess who just flirted
their way out of a ticket.

Ooh! Get it, Allison!

Nope.

"Oh, no, officer."

"Was I a bad boy?"

[Laughs]

Come on! That actually worked?

Yep. Just had to promise
never to do it again.

Yeah, the speeding or the flirting?

Wouldn't you like to know?

[Laughs]

[New Zealand accent]
How's it going, mates?

Hey!

- Evans!
- Ken!

Oh. You guys go.

So, how's my favorite doctor?

Great. How's my favorite CEO?

Oh, I'm sorry. I was
talking about Dr. Tuttle.

[Both laugh]

Oh, boy. Gosh.

Well, Charles, how is my favorite boss

and dashing New Zealander?

And for the record, I was
talking about you.

Yes. Well, hello, Pat.

Oh, Charles, I don't
think you've met my wife.

I don't... I don't
think he's interested.

Surely, you mean your granddaughter.

[Laughter]

He's saying that you look
young, and you look old.

It's... ah, that's classic ribbing.

Hi. I'm Allison.

Allison, come in!

Oh! Oh, oh.

I've heard such good things about you.

I'm not surprised.

Must take a special lady

to be married to a
goofball, like this guy.

[Laughter]

Yeah, it's funny.

Literally everyone says that.

Nice to meet you.

So, what brings you around?

Well, I'm on my annual
State of the Clinic tour

and thought, while I'm here,
I might as well get a checkup...

have Ken look under the old bonnet, eh?

Oh. [Chuckles]

I'll be happy to give you an exam.

Excellent.

I get to be examined by a doctor

who's married to his
great-granddaughter.

[Both laugh]

Ken, could I ask you a favor?

[Sighs] I can't teach you
how to flirt with cops.

Either you have it or you don't.

Ken.

Okay, okay.

Start with biting your finger.

No, Ken. No, I... no, it's...

I-I recently put myself
up for a promotion.

Yeah, regional chief administrator.

Yeah, it's more money,
more responsibility,

and access to the secret
executive dining room.

There's a secret executive dining room?

No, there isn't. There's no such thing.

Carry on, everyone.

Now, Ken, if you could just, you know,

put in a good word for
me during the examination,

I'd appreciate it.

Why me?

Well, you know, you and
Charles have always had

this corporate bromance going,

and, for reasons I'll
never quite understand,

he seems to like and respect you.

But during a physical?

That's so awkward.

I-I know, but just if...
you know, if it comes up.

It won't.

Well, then make it come up!

Look, Ken, lately, I've
been on kind of a roll.

Everything just seems
to be coming up Pat.

You know, I'm thinking of
buying a house, settling down.

I might even file my taxes this year.

So this promotion could
be really great for me,

so... please.

[Sighs] Okay, but if you do get it,

you're buying me lunch in
that secret dining room.

There's no secret dining room, Ken.

[Whispering] You've got a deal.

Where's the orange juice?

Sorry. I used it for my marinade.

Oh. I see.

You're making dinner for your boyfriend,

and I get vitamin C deficiency!

What are you making?

Chicken wings.

For your boyfriend? Bad idea.

I wouldn't do that, girl.

I tried to tell her
there's nothing romantic

about food you eat out
of a batting helmet.

What's for dessert... chewing tobacco?

No. It's a Korean superstition.

You cook chicken wings
for your boyfriend,

and he will fly away from you.

Okay, that's ridiculous.

I'm telling you, it's bad luck.

Superstition is there for a reason.

Play it safe.

Get some thighs!

Ooh! Allison!

Look what I found in Damona's trash.

Oh, Clark, please.

I know you and Connor
are trying to save money,

but let me buy you a fresh one.

What? No. No.

I think Damona and Pat are dating again.

- What?!
- Yeah, yeah.

Think about it.

Pat broke up with Megan,
Damona broke up with Eric,

and when they were
dating, every morning,

he used to bring her a zucchini muffin.

I'm pretty sure [Sniffs]
that this is zucchini.

Taste it.

No! You taste it.

No, I can't. It might not be vegan.

Well, I can't,
because I don't eat garbage.

Look, if you're so curious,

why don't you just ask Damona
if they're back together?

No!

No, if she's not telling
me, then there's a reason.

I'm not gonna violate her privacy.

Now, help me figure
out her e-mail password.

Well, blood pressure's perfect.

Exam checks out fine.

I got to say, Charles,
you're in great shape.

That's because of my
sunny disposition, Ken.

You know, B-positive
isn't just a blood type.

[Both laugh]

You know who enjoys
a good blood-type pun?

Pat Hein. That's who.

[Laughs]

Great guy, huh?

Yeah, he's a... great kiss-ass.

I'm surprised you didn't come across him

when you were checking my prostate.

He's right up my bum, Ken.

Okay. W-Well, you know
what else he's up for?

Regional chief administrator, uh?

That's about as likely to happen
as a kangaroo having twins.

I thought they didn't have
kangaroos in New Zealand.

Well, doesn't mean I can't use
them in my metaphors, does it?

Come on, Ken. Help us get
out of Australia's shadow.

So, why isn't Pat gonna get the job?

Because I'm thinking of letting him go.

What?! Why?

I just can't stand him, Ken.

Well, he's so stiff and proper.

[As Pat] "Ah. Lovely
to see you, Charles."

[Normal voice] Who talks like that?

It's like he's always on a fox hunt.

So you think Pat
has an odd way of talking?

[Snaps fingers] Bingo, bongo.

Pat just doesn't have
the warmth, you know?

I want Welltopia to have a family feel.

But Pat, he's like that weird uncle

that no one wants to get
stuck sitting next to.

And then you find out years later

he's not even related to anyone.

Well, you can't fire him just
'cause of his personality.

No, but I can
because of the numbers.

Yes, there was a little
dip in your clinic's

patient-per-day ratio last quarter.

How big a dip?

Well, tiny,

but just enough to spin it
into a Pat-free environment.

Sound good? Same page?

Hey, I'll see you tomorrow
at the clinic meeting.

Bring it in.

Oh, yeah. There it is!

Hey, Mr. Evans? Mm?

Would you taste this?

Ooh!

Zucchini!

Mmm!

These wings are b*mb, Molly.

Thanks.

It's actually a recipe from

Snoop Dogg and Martha
Stewart's cooking show on VH .

[Cellphone chimes]

Oh, my God.

- What is it?
- A while back,

I applied to this summer
artist-in-residency program.

I just found out I'm a finalist.

Jae, that's amazing!

So, where is it? Cal Arts?

Actually, no, it's the Rhode
Island School of Design.

Oh.

So, there's a chance
you could be spending

the summer in Rhode Island?

It's still a long sh*t.

Anyway, they said one of the pieces

in my portfolio didn't go through.

I'm so sorry, Mol.

Would it be cool if I
went home and re-sent it?

Totally. Go. It's fine.

- You sure?
- Yeah, of course.

Thanks for dinner.

I loved the wings.

[Sighs]

Just saying...

you could've made hot dogs.

Tallyho, Ken!

That's an old fox-hunting greeting.

[Door closes]

So, did you talk to Charles?

Do I have a sh*t at this promotion?

You know what a different
kind of promotion is?

Switching careers.

You ever think about teaching?

God, no! No!

I love it here.

I plan to be here

until the janitors find
my dead body in my office.

So, back to Charles.
What'd he have to say?

The bad news is... you're
not gonna get the promotion.

And the other bad news is...

he's thinking of letting you go.

What?

Why?

Look, he thinks you're not warm enough,

you're too socially formal,

and you have an odd way of talking.

I have an odd way of talking?

Me? Really?

[Australian accent] No worries, mate.

Put another shrimp on the barbie.

Put a koala in your billabong.

Okay, that's more Australian stuff,

and he's actually pretty
sensitive about that.

[Normal voice] Well,
thank you very much, Ken.

I mean, I ask you to put
in a good word for me,

and now my head's on the chopping block.

Well, isn't this a fine didgeridoo!

[Door closes]

Kudos on the wings, Mol.

I got quite a boneyard going.

Really?

I thought you were above food

that comes in a batting helmet.

No, I said it wasn't appropriate
for a romantic dinner.

But I'm a single man now, and
these are working just fine.

[Doorbell rings]

I can't.

I'm taking you out to celebrate.

I got the R.I.S.D. fellowship!

- Oh, my God! Aah! Ho ho!
- [Laughs]

Congratulations!

I'm so proud of you.

So, when does it start?

June st.

Oh.

Well, I guess we'll just
have to make the most

of our time together before you leave.

Actually, it starts June st,

but I have to leave in a couple weeks.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Uh, I have to find place,
uh, there's orientation.

[Chuckles] Orientation?
It's Rhode Island.

You get off the plane,
you've seen half of it.

Plus, we have plans.

What about camping in Yosemite?

Uh, I don't think I'm
gonna be able to. I'm sorry.

But this summer was our
last chance to be together

before I go to college.

I know, but then this came up.

When did you apply for this?

- Two months ago.
- Two months ago?

And you didn't tell me?

How could you be so selfish?

Selfish?

Oh, so it's okay for you
to leave to go to Stanford,

but when I do the same
thing, it's selfish?

Stanford was a pre-existing condition.

I'd already applied when I met you.

So I have to put my life on hold
while you get to pursue yours?

You could've at least
told me you were applying.

Where does this leave us?

What's going on with you?

Ugh! Why'd you have to eat
those stupid chicken wings?!

I was hungry, and we were out of grapes.

Hey.

[Groans]

Hey, Pat. Everything all right?

Uh...

Eh, Damona, would you still be with me

if I was... unemployed?

Oh, no. Please don't tell
me you're starting a band.

No.

I got wind that Evans is
thinking of letting me go.

What? What are you talking about?

Yeah, apparently, he
doesn't find me warm.

Put another way, he finds me cold.

That's crazy!

Eh, is it?

I mean, I know I can be a little
stiff and awkward at times.

You know, I did play the
Tin Man in high school...

without a costume.

[Sighs]

Well, he doesn't know you like I do.

You're one of the warmest people I know.

[Sighs]

I mean, I wouldn't be with you

if you were what people say you are.

People? What people?

Evans. I was talking about Evans.

Uh... you know what?

You just got to show him he's wrong.

Let that warmth out.

- Yeah, I can... I can do that.
- Yeah!

Show him the sweet, kind
person I know you can be.

All right.

Show him "Labor Day Pat."

I do let it rip on Labor Day.

[Both laugh]

You're right, Damona. You
know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna reset my personality to sauna.

Ooh!

You know, 'cause they're warm.

- I got it.
- Yeah, all right.

Thanks.

Oh, by the way, I am
thinking of starting a ska band,

but only as a hobby.

No.

Well, Grandpa, I hope you're happy.

Your stupid superstition was right.

Jae is going to Rhode Island.

Well, you can always take
the ferry out to see him.

It's across the country, Grandpa.

Eh, I'm not from here.

Sorry. I should never have
put that stuff in your head.

It's okay. I know it's not your fault.

[Sighs]

This isn't just about
chicken wings, is it?

I just feel so helpless.

And it's not just about Jae.

I'm still waiting to
hear back from Stanford,

Jae's gonna be in Rhode Island,

so who knows what's
gonna happen with us?

It's like everything's
changing around me,

and I have no idea how
to control any of it.

Molly.

You can't control most things in life,

especially when you're .

It's a time of big changes.

It's the age when I
started growing my mustache.

I'm kidding. I was .

Look.

The only thing you can control

is how you react to
the things you can't.

[Sighs]

Thanks, Grandpa. I needed that.

You're welcome.

So, you were really
when you grew a mustache?

Yeah.

But it wasn't gray until I was .

Okay.

There's been a break in the case.

I saw Damona coming out
of Pat's office at ,

reapplying her lipstick...

despite the fact that
the brand she favors

is long-lasting.

That doesn't mean anything.

She could've smudged it eating oatmeal.

[Clack]

Why must you sh**t down
every lead I bring you?!

You know what? You're off the case.

It's not a case.

Good day, everyone.

What a choice day for
our little meeting.

Shall we gather 'round?

Wait. Where's Pat?

Good morning, everyone.

Ah, what a blessed day. [Chuckles]

Clark, my old friend.

How you feeling?

Uncomfortable.

[Chuckles]

Allison, thank you

for getting that coding
back to me so efficiently.

I-I appreciate it.

And I appreciate you.

Weird.

Bring it in here, Peggy.

It's "Susan."

Ah. Wonderful.

Pat, what are you doing?

I have a meeting to run.

Of course you do, Charles.

But before we start, I'd like
to quickly bond us all together

with a little trust exercise.

[All gasp]

You kind of let me down there, Peggy.

There you go.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry for reacting the way I did.

I was spinning.

I just don't want
anything to happen to us.

I'm sorry, too.

I should've told you about
the Rhode Island thing sooner.

It was just that... it
was such a long sh*t,

and I didn't want you
to worry unnecessarily.

I totally get that now,
and I appreciate it.

And, honestly, I am so happy for you.

You deserve this.

Thanks, Mol.

And, y-you know, I was
thinking, instead of Yosemite,

how about hiking the
Appalachian Trail in New England?

I'd love that.

[Chuckles]

And I love you.

I love you, too.

The peanut butter's broken, dude.

Yeah. The guy's coming.

Right on.

Hey, you know when you said,

"Why did you eat the chicken wings?"

What was that about?

Oh. [Chuckles]

My grandpa told me this
old Korean superstition

about chicken wings and
how they make you fly away.

Oh, God. My grandma says that
kind of stuff all the time.

She won't buy me shoes,
'cause she's afraid

I'm gonna "walk away"
and never see her again.

[Laughs]

You know what?

After you get off,

let's go get wings and
buy some new sneakers.

That's how much I believe in us.

Deal.

So, all in all, while
most things in this clinic

are "Zip-a-Dee-Do,"
there is still this...

this pesky issue with
the dip in the numbers.

Ah. Pat.

Can I see you in your office, please?

Yeah.

Charles, wait.

What's going on?

He's gonna fire Pat.

Charles, you can't...

It's okay, Ken.

Look, I tried being
warm, but I am who I am.

If that's not good enough for
you, then go ahead. Fire me.

All right. Come on.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Look. Look.

Charles, I know Pat
doesn't come off as warm

when you first meet him.

Yes, he says really weird things.

His cadence is slow.

He has an odd gait, strange hair,

and face never shows emotion.

Okay, I lost my train of thought.

Look, man, you can't just fire somebody

because you don't like them.

Ohh! What ever do you mean?

I mean, all I see is
a-a dip in the numbers.

Numbers! Numbers... right.

Our patient-per-day
ratio may be barely down,

but that's because Pat
gives the doctors more time

to spend with each patient,
and because of that,

our re-hospitalization rate is down

and our overall morbidity
and mortality rates,

because Pat knows how
important patient care is.

Yeah. And when the nurses union
needed more manageable hours,

Pat gave them to us

because he knew it was
the right thing to do.

I had a health scare last
month, and he gave me time off

and helped me find the best doctor.

He... He couldn't have
been more supportive.

Pat Hein is the most thoughtful,
caring person I've ever met.

That's why I'm his girlfriend.

That's right... We're
back together again.

The muffin never lies!

Look, the bottom line is...

You guys are back together?!

I know! Oh, my God!

Shh, shh, shh! Shush, shush! Not now!

Pat takes care of us so
we can take care of our patients.

It may not be a hug
or an ugly sweater...

but that is what real warmth is.

So, how did this happen?

I totally called it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

From a muffin. From a muffin.

You know what? Hey!

[Laughs] I can see it.

You guys are actually a family.

And, Pat, you're not the
weird uncle that nobody likes.

You're the weird uncle
that everybody likes.

Thank you for noticing, Charles.

In fact, you and I are quite similar.

Ah.

We're both handsome blokes

who prefer an odd turn of phrase.

Mm.

And at the end of the day,

we love the people we work with.

It's like that old Kiwi saying...

"Sometimes you meet someone
and think something of them,

and then you find out that others
think different things of them,

and then you change your mind

about what it was you were going to do."

Mm.

I say that all the time.

All right, carry on!

Oh, and, Pat, I'm sorry for the dust-up.

Oh, not a problem.

You know, hearing your kind words

and feeling the love of my colleagues...

well, that's better than any promotion.

I'm glad you feel that way.