02x08 - A Hard Day's Night

[bunniefuu]

[Owl hooting]

[Thunder rumbling]

- Kevin: Over here!
- Oh, my God.

Hey. Wha...

Oh, my God. Stan, what are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing?

Well, why are you wearing your uniform?

[Grunts] I got to go meet somebody.

And on your best day... [Grunts]

You wear your best suit.

[Shovel scrapes]

[Thump]

[Thunder rumbles]

♪

Evie: Ohh.

[Casket creaks open]

What are... Oh, don't.

I'm sorry, Claire.

I'm so sorry.

- Don't, don't, don't!
- [Bones cr*ck]

- Ohh!
- [Flesh squishing]

Ohh, dude.

♪

Damn it.

The minute you came back for me,

I knew you were gonna try
something like this!

You should have said something.

You should have said something!

Why didn't you tell me?

Because this isn't your business.

I'm going to get Claire,
and I didn't want you

trying to talk me out of it

like you're trying to talk
me out of it right now.

Well, for good reason!

What happened to Claire
and what happened to me

are entirely different!

I wasn't supposed to be there!

Claire d*ed of natural causes!

You are messing with nature!

Nothing that has happened
since Claire d*ed

has been natural.

Nothing.

What if it was your daughter?

Or... Or... Or whoever you care
most about in the whole world?

Maybe... Maybe that's not your daughter.

Maybe she gives you a pain in the tail.

No, she's all right.

Okay. Terrific.

What if Grace was taken from you?

You found a way to get her back.

[Thunder rumbles]

Are you telling me
that you'd let anything,

anything stop you from
going through that door?

Of course, I wouldn't.

[Sighs]

Stan.

♪

If you go through that door,
am I even gonna know you?

No, I mean, if... if Claire doesn't die,

then you stay the Sheriff.

I don't know.

I mean, what am I gonna do?

Am I just gonna poof back
to my old life?

Maybe.

Maybe you go to sleep and you wake up...

you wake up in your own bed.

I-I-I don't know how all this times out.

Hmm.

No. [Sniffles]

No, we're not gonna know each other.

Give me your hand.

What are you doing?

[Thunder rumbles]

[Chuckles]

You go ahead and look me up if...

if you remember.

I think I'll remember.

Me, too.

Even if...

Even if it's just

a constant nagging
in the back of my brain.

Ah.

That'd be funny.

[Laughs]

Stan!

Go get her.

♪

[Door creaks]

♪

[Thunder rumbles]

[Birds chirping]

[Sniffs]

[Exhales sharply]

[Telephone rings]

Sheriff's Department.
Deputy Drinkwater speaking.

Evie: [British accent]
Yes, hello, old boy.

I was just wondering
if you would tell me

the name of the Sheriff
you have working there.

Is it Stan Miller?

Evie? Is that you?

[Dial tone]

Hmm.

[Telephone rings]

- Deputy Drinkwa...
- Leon, it's Evie.

Hey, um... [Sighs]

Am I still the Sheriff?

I think so.

Am I still the deputy?

I guess.

Oh, good.

That explains this cop-like mustache.

- Huh.
- Bye.

Uh, bye.

[Click, dial tone]

♪

[Scoffs]

I knew she'd snap eventually.

I can still smell that sandwich.

[Birds chirping]

Hello, Evie.

Are you...?

[Chuckles] Did you need something, dear?

Claire. Claire.

Claire Miller.

[Chuckles softly]

Uh...

Is Stan around?

Sweetheart, Stan is dead.

He's been gone for a year now.

♪

Right.

sh*t. sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

sh*t! sh*t! sh*t! sh*t!

sh*t! sh*t! sh*t!

sh*t! Oh, sh*t.

sh*t. sh*t.

Uh, I'm... I'm sorry, Evie.

I couldn't help noticing

you've been standing
on my porch for the last hour

saying, "sh*t" over and over again.

Right. I'm so sorry.

Why don't you come in?

So, to sum up, uh,

last year, you d*ed,

Stan got fired, I became sheriff,

a bunch of other stuff happened.

Then Stan dug up your eyeballs

and went through the time travel
cabin to try to stop you from dying,

which I guess was successful.

But now Stan's dead,
and I do not know what to do.

Thoughts?

[Chuckles]

Oh, Evie, your job is so very difficult.

Well...

The stress must be enormous.

[Laughing] Okay. I see what...

Oh, man, you can cut the bullshit, lady.

Mom, I just perfected "Diamond Dogs."

Do you wanna hear?

Oh, no, no!

It's not a great time, Denise.

Why don't you... Why
don't you go upstairs

and keep practicing "Diamond Dogs"?

But I just perfected it.

Then learn "Suffragette City."

Oh. Okay.

[Footsteps fade]

Oh, and you sit back down.

You're not going anywhere.

And if you think that
you're gonna gaslight me

after the year I just had...

I know about you.

I know what's in that
sewing room upstairs,

and I know that Stan...

What?

Stan was not supposed to die last year.

You were.

♪

You have a bad heart.

How did Stan die?

It was late. I was out.
I was running errands.

It was the bloom of the black flowers.

Yeah, I know.

Every year, five black flowers

bloom in Willard's Mill,
and if they're not destroyed...

Portal will open,

and the Land Of the Dead shall corrupt

the Land Of The Living.

For time without end.

See?

I read that in your sewing room

when Stan was alive and you were...

Okay. I get it.

[Sighs]

I had just reached the final flower

when I heard shouting in the distance.

Galasum, benedictus...

[Stan screams]

I knew it was Stan.

But I destroyed the flower.

Aah!

I reached Stan

just in time to see Ida Putnam,

the guardian of the portal, k*ll him.

- [Body thuds]
- No!

- [Growls]
- Stan!

♪

But you d*ed of a heart att*ck.

Why didn't you still
have a heart att*ck?

Maybe by drawing Ida away from me,

Stan changed the course of events.

I-I don't know.

You can't mess with time.

♪

Well, I-I have to.

I'm sorry.

The plan was to save you, but...

♪

Well...

Then you'll need this to k*ll Ida.

[Exhales sharply]

You can do it.

Thank you.

Kevin: You know, the modern
conception of cemeteries

dates back to the early s.

The states intervened

and took the power of burial
away from the churches.

Sorry. I'm just practicing.
I've got a...

- Field trip coming through?
- field trip coming through later.

Yeah.

Well, see,

the church taught the
theory of Predestination...

that everything is a part of God's plan,

and if you're a serial
k*ller, then great!

That must be what God wanted.

[Sighs]

What you're doing now,

is this an act of your own free will

or is it part of some much bigger plan

and you're just a puppet?

Because you know that
whatever you're trying to do,

it's not gonna turn out exactly
the way you want it to.

And it kind of makes you wonder

if it was ever your idea to begin with.

I got an idea.

Why don't you grab your shovel,

jump on in here, help me dig up Stan,

look the other way while I grab
those eyeballs of his,

and then, uh, you and I can fill
this thing up lickety-split

before those little kiddies come

and have their nice day
walking over dead people?

[Shovel scrapes]

Okay.

♪

[Door creaks]

♪

[Tires screech]

[Siren chirps]

Damn it, Stan. Where are you?

Excuse me.

Not now, Leon.

That's a pretty authentic uniform, miss.

You mind telling me where you got it?

That's right. You don't know me yet.

Hello, officer.

No. You called me Leon.

How do you know my name?

I did? I don't remember that.

Well, I should be going.

No, you don't.

[Sighs]

[Whispers] It's okay.

I know who you are and why you're here.

Wait. You do?

I do.

How else would you know my name?

Why else would you be dressed like that?

You're a stripper! I'm from the future.

[Laughs] What?

Who hired you? Gordy?
That son of a bitch.

- [Laughs]
- No!

Oh, let me guess. You're
really just a "student."

Ugh!

[Body thuds]

- [Handcuffs click]
- Wait. First of all,

I just want to apologize
for hitting you.

Head down, please.

But I-I really am sorry.

[Sighs]

Assaulting an officer while
impersonating an officer.

That's a new one.

Look, I know this sounds crazy,
but we have to find Stan Miller.

Oh, I don't think we need to
bother Sheriff Miller on this one.

If there's one thing
Leon Drinkwater knows,

it's how to handle an
uncooperative stripper.

In fact, I...

Aah! Aah!

Leon!

[Hisses]

Aah!

Oh!

Aah!

No! No!

- Aah!
- [Body thuds]

[Growls]

Aah!

Evening, officer.

[Head thuds]

Aah!

[Breathing heavily]

[Grunts]

Oh, God.

Oh, Leon.

Leon, I'm sorry.

[Dog whining]

[Exhales sharply]

Um, this isn't as bad as it looks.

I'm not really a stripper.

It's just what he said.

That's illegal!

Take me home, Pepper.

[Grunts]

♪

- [Blade scrapes]
- Stan: Hey, there, pretty lady.

What are you doing out here
all by your lonesome?

Stanley.

What are... What are you doing here?

Not for nothing, but what
are you sporting there?

It's my cloak.

I didn't even know they
made cloaks anymore.

W-Would you say there's
a-a large market for cloaks,

or are you the primary client?

Can we talk about this later?
I-I've got to...

Destroy this flower
or a portal will open up,

and the Land Of The Dead will...

Both: Corrupt the Land Of the
Living for time without end.

♪

Why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what?

That you're the victim
of a -year-old curse

and it's my job to k*ll demons
and keep you alive?

I'd have told you.

Right away. First date.

Oh. Our first date.

Don't remind me.

What was wrong with our first date?

Please.

You took me to "Dirty Harry."

You love Clint Eastwood.

Oh.

I only said that to get you to like me.

[Laughs]

I do like you.

I like you, too.

Come here.

♪

That was some movie, though, huh?

Hmm.

That and the orangutan movies,

those... those are...
those are his best work.

"Dirty Harry" should
have had an orangutan.

That would have been mint.

[Ida growls in distance]

W-Wait here, Stanley.

No.

Claire, you can't go.

There's something you don't know.

You've got a bum ticker.

N-No, I don't.

Yeah, you do.

You do.

But we're gonna get it fixed.

I promise.

But in the meantime,

you go ahead and stay here
and deal with all this bullshit,

and I'll go k*ll Crazy Whatshertits.

No, no. Don't, Stanley.

She's dangerous.

If you're not careful, she'll k*ll you!

Don't you believe it, sweetheart.

♪

[Metallic thud]

Aah!

Galasum, benedictus...

[Stan screams in distance]

Evening, officer.

[Grunting]

♪

Aah!

Ohh!

♪

[Roars]

[Screams]

♪

[Body thuds]

♪

That's... That's your game?

You become a giant and kick my ass?

[Hisses]

Pretty good game.

Not gonna lie to you.

♪

Ida, sweetheart.

Claire! Claire!

[Growling]

Evie: Hey.

You're under arrest!

I'm just kidding.

I'm not the Sheriff yet,
so I don't have that authority.

But I can do this.

[Screeches]

Claire: Stan.

♪

Okay.

Oh.

Oh. Stan.

♪

Oh, no.

Some things, you...
you just can't change.

I tried.

I tried so hard.

Of course, you did.

But we'll have our time again.

You promise?

Do you want me to let you
in on a little secret?

Please.

When the minister says,
"Till death do you part"...

Uh-huh.

Don't you believe it.

Claire.

♪

Stan.

I'm...

I'm ready to go back now.

♪

You okay?

About as okay as I get.

♪

[Brakes screech lightly]

♪

[Wind whistles]

♪

Leon?

♪

Leon!

Anybody?!

♪

What do you suppose happened?

The flower.

♪

I never saw her destroy
the final flower.

The portal opened.

And the Land Of the Dead

shall corrupt the Land Of the Living

for time without end.

My God.

[Paper thuds]

We got to go back.

Oh!

[Crackling]

The cabin!

Hello, Constable.

This is not good.

[Laughs]

Oh, sh*t.

[Laugh echoes]