03x05 - Nubbin But Trouble

[bunniefuu]

[Animal howls]

Marty: [Mumbling] Nubbins, Nubbins,
Nubbins. Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins. Nubbins,
Nubbins, Nubbins. Nubbins, Nubbins,

Nubbins. Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

[Object shatters]

Charlemagne: Who's there?

♪

[Object clattering]

♪

Homeless Jerry, is that you again?

I just took a goofer, so I
don't have long to play.

[Object clatters]

♪

Pepper?

♪

[Teacup shatters]

♪

[Crib creaking]

Shazbot.

Surprise!

[Snarling]

[Screaming]

[Snarling]

Aah! Aah! Aah!

[Laughs] Eat it!

♪

♪

♪

Evie: I mean, I've just never seen

this many bites on a single body before.

It... It's just these
tiny consistent bites.

I don't...

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

What if a small shark,

- riding a dog like a horse...
- No.

- Hear me out.
- No.

[Door opens, closes]

Hey, Evie.

Oh, uh, Denise, I...

you probably shouldn't be here.

Is it a bad time?

I'm just here looking for
some fermentation buckets.

- Are you using them to breed sharks?
- No.

My dad's starting a brewery.

And he asked me to get the supplies.

I really should be
dealing with this right now,

but I'm curious.

Where is your dad starting a brewery?

In the tool shed.

Okay, see, he can't do that.

That's illegal.

Oh, my God!

[Gasps] A Marty Nubbins doll!

[Exhales sharply]

Is that the Marty Nubbins

of the "Nubbin's Family Power Hour"?

Sure is.

What is a Nubbin?

It was a '70s puppet show for kids.

It was all about unity.

Didn't matter if you were
young, old, white, black,

a fish or a chicken, a bear, or a pimp!

We're all different, and that's groovy.

[Laughs] And they're all here.

Marty Nubbins, Groovy Gordy,

Convoy Cathy, Peace Bear,

and Jive Turkey.

Oh, yikes.

It was the '70s.

Ohh.

Both: Ohhhhhh!

♪ Doesn't matter who you are ♪

♪ To us, you are a shining star ♪

It's the "Nubbin's Family Power Hour"!

Ha! Ha!

Keep it in the family.

Boop!

[Both laugh]

Yeah! [Both laugh]

Oh, I love it so much.

I want to take 'em all home.

How do I choose?!

How do I choose? How do I choose?

I'm gonna take Marty! [Laughs]

[Screams]

[Gasps] Oh, my God.

Evie: Did you know Mr. Cantrell?

♪

This is free now, right?

♪

[Liquid bubbling]

Hey, Dad.

Oh, sweetheart, you're just in time.

Did you get that, uh,
fermentation bucket

- I asked about?
- No.

Denise, please understand

that if I don't ferment this stuff,

it's going to turn into jet fuel,

and you don't want to be
the one responsible

- for blowing up the house, do you?
- No.

But I did get a puppet.

[Giggles] Ha-ha!

[Giggles]

You're really milking this whole

"works in mysterious ways"
thing, aren't you?

Crafty.

[Insects chirping]

[Footsteps approaching]

♪

Mm...

You're gonna sleep in there tonight.

♪

♪

Aah!

♪

[Mumbling]

[Breathing rapidly]

[Trash can lid clangs]

[Shudders]

[Insects chirping]

♪

[Trash can lid rattles]

[Trash can lid clatters]

♪

[Sighs]

[Liquid bubbling]

Stan. The hell is this?

Freedom, Barret.

I am no longer a sl*ve to big liquor.

It used to be if I wanted
a beer, I used to have to drive

all the way down to the liquor store

like some kind of wild animal.

Not anymore.

Now I got everything I need

right here on the premises.

I, uh... I even gave my product a name.

Miller Beer.

I think they already have that.

Yeah, well, they're damn sure gonna
have to change it, aren't they?

Well, you can brew a batch for yourself,

but if you brew to distribute,

that's against the law.

Yeah? Well, this is all for me.

11 barrels?

Listen here, there, Judge Judy.

Sure, I may drink
a little more than you,

but that's only because
I find it impossible to stop.

Still, I don't know
what to tell you, Stan.

You know, we can let you keep one,

but we're gonna have
to confiscate the rest.

[Scoffs]

We'll be back.

[Groans]

Oh, buy a vowel.

- Time for some liquid America.
- [Vehicle doors open, close]

[Engine starts]

[Slurps]

Hmm, that's interesting.

Little oaky with a... a bite at the end.

- Heck of a bite.
- Denise: Hey, Dad,

can you help me with something
inside the house?

Absolutely, but... there's
only one problem.

- [Glass shatters]
- What?

That beer also made me blind.

What? Dad?

♪

- Take me inside.
- It's okay.

- Take me inside.
- Come on.

I'm sure this is just a temporary thing.

Just a 24-hour bout

of complete and total blindness.

But... it's funny, though.

I can feel my other senses
getting sharper.

[Inhales deeply]

Sense of smell.

Uh... hearing.

Perfect now.

Dad, w-why don't I help you
to your armchair?

I don't need my eyes to see.

I can see with my ears, like Jesus.

- cr*ck a nut.
- What?

cr*ck a nut.

♪

[Nut cracks]

That was an almond. cr*ck another.

[Nut cracks]

Pistachio.

You're not even trying to challenge me.

I'm evolving.

I'm getting stronger. I'm...

I'm becoming more than
I've ever been before.

♪

Hmm.

- [Crashes]
- Oh, no!

[Objects clattering]

[Groans loudly]

♪

[Inhales deeply]

[Hums]

You changed your shirt.

I-I did.

H-How d... How did you know?

I could hear the different thread count

screaming at me like a thousand sirens.

Hmm.

I made you a sandwich.

[Sniffs]

Cracked pepper turkey
on whole wheat toast.

Yeah! How did you know?

Denise, is one of those slices of toast

the heel of the loaf?

Yeah.

But I figured you were blind

and... and you wouldn't notice.

- I'll throw it away.
- It doesn't matter, sweetheart.

We're in the presence
of great danger now.

I can feel it.
It's vibrating inside of me.

Put the sandwich down, go downstairs,

lock up the house,
and seal everything up.

Namaste.

♪

[Door closes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Grunts]

Aah!

Eccles says time to die.

♪

- What are you?
- [Spits]

[Snarls]

[Grumbles, growls]

Ow!

[Grunts]

Bad move, bitch.

- [Snarls]
- [Screams]

I'm gonna bite your ding dong!

[Screaming]

[Thuds]

I haven't forgotten
about your ding dong.

Ohh.

[Screaming]

[Spits] [Groans]

[Grunts]

You're wasting your time

'cause you're already dead, bitch.

[Snarls]

Yeah, yeah. Really scary.

[Marty screams]

Your time is up, Stan Miller.

Tonight, we come for you.

[Laughs evilly]

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

[Exhales sharply]

[Panting]

Ugh.

The heel of the bread.

What am I, a dog?

♪

[Record needle scratches]

Bobcat: Kon'nichiwa.

Hello.

Kon'nichiwa.

Hello.

Kon'nichiwa.

Hello.

Kon'nichiwa.

Hello.

Kon'nichiwa.

Hello.

Kon'nichiwa.

Hello.

Kon'nichiwa.

[Speaking Japanese]

I am very sweaty.

Where is the airport bathroom?

[Volume increases] [Speaking Japanese]

I am very sweaty.

- Where is the airport bathroom?
- [Muffled screams]

[Speaking Japanese]

- [Record needle scratches]
- Very sweaty.

- Where is the airport bathroom?
- [Laughs evilly]

- [Needle scratches]
- Where is the airport bathroom?

- [Needle scratches]
- Where is the airport bathroom?

Sayonara.

- Where is the airport bathroom?
- [Muffled screams]

- [Needle scratches]
- Where is the airport bathroom?

[Snarling]

- [Needle scratches]
- Where is the airport bathroom?

- [Needle scratches]
- Where is the airport bathroom?

- [Needle scratches]
- Where is the airport bathroom?

- [Needle scratches]
- Where is the airport bathroom?

Marty: [Mumbling]
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.
Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins.

[Groans] Ow!

[Grunts]

Gonna need some... Ow!
help to k*ll these bitch...

Ow!

♪

[Grunts]

♪

Darksome night and shining moon,

harken to thy blackened rune.

East then south, west then north,

here come!

I call thee forth!

[Laughs evilly]

k*ll, k*ll, k*ll, k*ll!

- k*ll! k*ll!
- k*ll! k*ll!

- k*ll! k*ll!
- k*ll! k*ll!

- k*ll! k*ll!
- k*ll! k*ll!

- k*ll! k*ll!
- k*ll! k*ll!

- k*ll! k*ll!
- k*ll! k*ll!

[All laugh evilly]

So, after you chewed through the tape,

then what?

[Shouting] I told you!
I can't hear anything!

Leon, what are you drawing?

We already know
what the puppet looks like.

Oh, I'm just coloring.

- Sure.
- [Door opens]

- [Door closes]
- Denise: Kevin!

- Hmm. Nice kitchen.
- I told you learning a language

- is dangerous!
- Stan: Hey, Kev-o,

uh, Denise tells me
that you were att*cked

by a one-armed puppet.

- What?!
- Aah!

Stan: Stop screaming.

My ears are very delicate.

- I can't hear you!
- Ow!

Bobcat Goldthwait made me deaf!

- Who?
- [Electricity crackles]

Now what the hell is going on?

♪

The phones are dead.

There's no reception.

Do you think they took out a cell tower?

♪

[Glass bottles clinking]

♪

Sheriff!

Come out and play-ay!

[Clinking continues]

Sheriff!

Come out and play-ay!

I want everyone to stay calm.

And get low.

[Nubbins chanting "k*ll, k*ll, k*ll"]

- Kevin.
- What?!

[Muffled grunts]

Shh.

[Whispering] I want you to go up there,

look around, and tell me what you see.

[Nubbins chanting
"k*ll, k*ll, k*ll" in distance]

Turkey: Gobble! Gobble! Gobble! [Gasps]

What do you see?

I think they're surrounding the house!

[Normal voice] Stop screaming.

Ow!

♪

Groovy Gordy: Groovy! [Screams]

[Glass shatters]

Kevin!

[Both grunting]

Take your felty paws off me.

Damn you!

[Both grunting]

Aah!

♪

[Slow-motion] I got 'em!

♪

[Slow-motion] Wait.

[Groovy Gordy snarling]

- Aah!
- [Grunts]

♪

[Groans]

You ain't got the guts, pig.

[g*nsh*t]

Ah!

Oh, man.

Thank God you got him
with one b*llet because...

[g*nshots]

Stan: [Normal voice] Ow!

[g*nshots]

[g*nshots]

L-Lee?

[g*nshots]

[g*n clicks]

Because my g*n's in the car.

[Glass shatters]

[Nubbins chanting "Nubbins,
Nubbins, Nubbins"]

Lock all the doors
and barricade the windows.

[g*nf*re]

They must be using a sil*ncer!

[g*nf*re continues]

[Laughs evilly]

Peace Bear has a machine g*n!

[g*nf*re continues]

[Nubbins chanting
"Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins"]

- [Footsteps]
- Evie: What the hell?

They're inside the house.

Game over, man!

They're in the ceiling.

They're trying to crawl
through the pipes.

Evie, you gotta go shut the drain down.

Come on.

- Be careful! Oh!
- Hah, ha.

- Get that... Get that thing.
- What are you doing?

Ow. I can't see.

[Garbage disposal whirring]

No, wait! Wait!

What? [Grunting]

Aah!

Who wants to die today?

♪

Here's Cathy!

♪

I'm gonna cut your ass.

We're gonna need more weapons.

There's two live hand grenades

in the trunk of the squad car.

What?!

They're just rolling around back there.

I didn't tell you because I didn't...

How long have I been driving around

with live grenades in the car?

Do you want to hear the story or not?

No.

I'll go.

No. I'll do it.

♪

[Nubbins chanting
"Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins"]

[Leon screaming]

[Nubbins chanting
"Nubbins, Nubbins, Nubbins"]

Oh, my God. Leon, are you okay?

Convoy Cathy bit my big rig.

♪

[Whimpers]

♪

Aah.

♪

[Whimpers]

They've all gathered.

They're up to something.

Eccles says we ice these b*tches.

10-4, good buddy.

Why don't we make them
some poison pancakes?

Ugh.

Least I don't exploit women for profit.

Oh, because I'm Jive Turkey, I'm a pimp?

- You are a pimp.
- r*cist.

Guys, guys, guys.

Can we talk about this later?

Let's open the portal.

How am I gonna get my g*n
outta that car?

♪

I have a Civil w*r musket
in the back hall!

Why?

I worked my way through clown college

doing Civil w*r reenactments!

I didn't know you went to clown...

Don't go there.

Get it!

Nubbins: No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

- No matter who you are...
- You only got one sh*t.

Great.

To us, you are a shining star.

No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

No matter who you are...

Oh, something's coming out...
out of the ground.

Maybe I should take the sh*t,
Evie, on account I'm...

- Blind?
- Well, I wasn't going to go there, no.

- Nubbins: To us, you are a shining star.
- [Laughs evilly]

Okay. He...

No matter who you are...

Wait a minute. What am I thinking?

Leon, in addition to your
loose hand grenades...

do we still have that keg of Stan's
expl*sive beer In the trunk?

[Mumbling]

Terrific.

No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

Rise, omnipotent ruler.

Nubbins: to us, you are a shining star.

[Marty laughs evilly]

Nubbins: No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

No matter who you are,

to us, you are a shining star.

- No matter who you are...
- It doesn't matter who you are,

- to us, you are a shining...
- to us, you are a shining...

[g*nsh*t, expl*si*n]

[Marty screaming]

[Laughs]

♪

- Yes!
- [Laughing] Evie!

What do you know? I can see again.

- Hey!
- I heard that!

That loud expl*si*n must have
brought back my hearing!

- Say, Kev-o...
- Huh.

Can I have a look-see
at your... your musket here?

Sure. What a wonderful gift.

Thank you, Kevin.

- Thank you.
- What?

He said, "What a wonderful gift!"

♪

No, no, no.

No, I-I think he was...

Never mind.

[Muffled speaking]

[Marty screaming, thuds]

♪ Oh, it doesn't matter who you are ♪

♪ To us, you are a shining star ♪

♪ It's the
"Nubbin's Family Power Hour"! ♪

♪ Bop! Bop! ♪

♪ Keep it in the family! ♪

Boop!