NEWS ANCHOR: (ON TV) If you're
joining us now, this is the update...
- (PHONE PINGS)
- (SIGHS)
NEWS ANCHOR: ... on the story which
is still dominating the news today.
The FBI's dramatic raid on...
KENDALL ROY: Oh, man!
There's so much good sh*t
on the Waystar raid.
Look at that.
Manifested.
You glad you're not
on their team, huh, G?
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.
Totally.
- What's up?
- Uh, no, nothing. Um...
Your dad just wants to see me, uh...
uh, like, right away in his
apartment, like, right now.
Okay.
GREG HIRSCH: Um...
Sure.
You should go.
- Yeah?
- KENDALL: Yeah.
It means you have weight, bro.
You're an asset.
(SIGHS)
I just... I have like... this...
I have this, like, stupid worry
that I'm gonna go over
and there will be, like,
g*ons and stooges
and rough-jacks there
to administer a b*ating.
Well, honestly, he'll try to
turn you against me.
Right?
- GREG: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- And that's fine.
Because you're not
gonna turn against me.
No, no, no. No!
- No way!
- Are you gonna turn against me?
No way, man. I'm sturdy!
- I'm a sturdy... birdy.
- That's right!
Say it three times before
the cock crows, brother.
(PHONE PINGS)
Cock-a-doodle-do!
KENDALL: Okay, knuckle up, Big Bird.
- JESS JORDAN: Ken?
- Yeah?
So, they say it's super-high importance.
- Scheduled for five minutes.
- Sc... What is?
What the f*ck?
(SCOFFS) You think they're...
They think they can fire me?
- No.
- Yeah, okay. All right.
Hey, guys! I'm gonna need
the command pod.
- Can you clear the room?
- GREG: Yeah.
♪ ("SUCCESSION" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
AUTOMATED VOICE: Please speak
your name after the tone.
Little Lord Fuckleroy.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Please hold while we connect you
to your conference.
KENDALL'S VOICE: (ON PHONE)
Little Lord Fuckleroy.
AUTOMATED VOICE:
... is now joining the call.
- Hello, hello.
- GERRI KELLMAN: Hi, Kendall.
You're on with, uh, Frank, Carl,
Siobhan, Roman, Karolina, Hugo,
- and, um...
- Wow! Holy sh*t!
g*ng's all here, huh?
It's like the f*cking...
Sergeant Pepper of
broken corporate America.
Conference call jokes are
just the best jokes, huh?
So, now I'm thinking
maybe I should terminate
and dial back in with my own counsel.
- It's just a conversation, Ken.
- KENDALL: Oh, hey, Shiv!
Thanks for the letter.
First-rate composition.
Really f*cking horrible.
I didn't say anything that wasn't true.
KENDALL: Oh, no?
Well, I hope it was worth it.
I don't know if me and you
come back from that.
Yeah, okay, well, sure, Mom.
- (KENDALL FAKE LAUGHS)
- Excuse me.
You sure you picked
the right side, Shiv?
- GERRI: Excuse me! Excuse me!
- KENDALL: Yeah, Gerri, what?
- Kendall, we have a situation.
- KENDALL: Yeah, you do have a situation.
- Don't you?
- Uh, Frank, Karl, can you talk? Um...
Frank is going to speak now.
- Hey, Ken.
- KENDALL: Hey, Frank.
Yeah, the temperature of the DOJ
investigation, the raid here,
it's caused serious
blowback from investors.
Yeah, thank you for that, Kendall.
KENDALL: Hey, accountability's a fucker.
The Feds find your nipple clamps, Karl?
Specifically, Josh Aaronson
and his four percent holding.
That chiseling little f*ck.
FRANK VERNON: He called Gerri
direct and he's thinking
of switching to Sandy and Stewy.
And noisily.
His fingers on the big red button, Ken.
We've talked to him about what we can do
and he's playing hard to get.
But...
he was interested in time in
the room with you and your dad.
Together?
No.
Yeah, his thing was, I guess,
to know how this goes.
He wants his pound of flesh, all right?
GERRI: Uh, Kendall,
he just wants to make sure
that the family business
can still function.
Yeah, well, obviously,
I can't meet jointly with Dad.
It's just a half hour
in a lawyer's office later.
Kendall, we are four days out
from the shareholder meeting.
KARL MULLER: Kendall, it's about
control of the company, all right?
The vote is on a razor's edge.
We need his four percent.
Unless you think that any of us
would have a bright future
with Sandy and Stewy
in control of the firm.
So, um, he's suggesting in four hours...
No, no, no. No!
You don't railroad me. No.
I need to run this by my team.
Me and Dad together,
the optics are janky as f*ck.
Come! Behave appropriately!
KENDALL: Oh, hey, Dad!
Come on, when have I ever
not behaved appropriately?
This just doesn't work for me.
So, f*ck you and God bless.
KENDALL'S VOICE: (ON PHONE)
Little Lord Fuckleroy.
AUTOMATED VOICE: ... has left the call.
SHIV ROY: If he doesn't go,
how bad is it?
Well, I'm hearing that the raid
was just a warning sh*t.
So, things should settle down now.
I think I need more people.
More protection.
Dad, you have two former Deputy AG's
and the ex-head of Fraud
at Main Justice.
These are the Harlem Globetrotters,
the Westchester Judge-f*ckers.
The Raisin owes me everything.
And now I need a bit of f*cking cover,
the forgetful c**t's gone AWOL.
I think perhaps, we have been
insufficiently rigorous,
journalistically, on the President.
You think he'll respond well
to a little bit of pressure?
Well, every time I call
Michelle-Anne, she tells me,
"Be Patient!
The cavalry is coming!"
I need leverage.
I have Connor, again.
See? See?
I'm in a corner.
Everyone wants a piece.
Everyone's out of their box.
Everything's coming up f*ck.
I want you on fire-watch, okay?
Yeah, okay, Dad. Absolutely.
And, uh, watch the negotiations.
Karl's a smart bastard
but, uh, he likes to be liked.
- Not good.
- Got it.
Okay, so can we strategize?
I got potential gold here.
But I need your read on how to deploy.
Roman, could you please
put your footwear on?
Uh, see, for this to work,
we need, you know, boundaries.
- And...
- What, I can't take my footwear off?
Well, it's just...
What, I can't masturbate in
a time and place of my choosing?
- See that?
- You are building...
- That will k*ll us.
- ... a police state here, Gerri.
I found tattoo man.
- "Tattoo man"?
- ROMAN ROY: Yup.
Funny little story.
So, about fifteen-ish years ago,
Kendall's bachelor party in New Orleans,
we did this, like...
ironic bar crawl thing
on Bourbon Street.
And we got chatting with this, you know,
friendly hobo.
And there was talk of,
you know, various...
disgusting endeavors like, you know,
"Would the hobo eat
a deep-fried deck shoe?"
(FAKE LAUGHS) You know, stupid,
whatever, bullshit.
Before we settled on a rather...
indecent proposal which was to...
get the homeless man to have
Kendall's name tattooed on his forehead.
What?
Yeah, we got Kendall's initials
tattooed on a rando.
And you think this is a good
idea to dredge this up?
On Kendall? Woke-ahontas?
Using a poor's forehead as a Post-It?
It's f*cking k*ller, are you kidding me?
Well, I'm not so sure.
Okay, well, we can talk about it
over lunch, maybe?
Uh, not today, Roman, I have a date.
f*ck off! With who? Montgomery Clift?
- The Ghost of Christmas Past?
- GERRI: Laurie.
- Who?
- Laurie.
He's ex-DOJ.
He worked the Arthur
Anderson prosecution.
I want to see if there's
a back channel there.
ROMAN: Laurie?
And you said he wants to
back-channel you
in the parking lot or...
Yeah, so, the thing is, I'm dating.
I am dating and that
needs to be understood.
Okay, I get it. Yeah, yeah.
You're drawing a line.
Or otherwise, you know...
Laurie will knock my
jolly old block off.
If he can...
find his sword stick and fire up
his motorized bath chair.
All right.
GREG: Good morning!
LOGAN: Ah!
Greg.
Drink.
- Uh, alcohol?
- Uh-huh.
Um...
sure, I...
It's early but I...
Yeah, I think I'll actually have
me a nice glass of rum and coke.
Kerry!
Can we bring, uh, Greg some Coca-Cola?
No, it's fine really.
- Uh, she doesn't have to...
- LOGAN: No, no, no.
What Greg wants... (EXHALES)
... Greg must have.
Thank you. Like, so kind.
Ridicu... I don't know.
Uh...
You and Kendall have been
hanging around a lot.
Correct?
I am, um...
It's purely social, you know.
The thing is your position at Waystar...
could become complicated if you
get too associated with him.
Hmm?
- You can see that?
- (GROANS)
Strong. Wow.
Nice and strong. Strong one.
Strong for a man.
The FBI, as you know, have been
poking around our offices.
Greg...
you've probably never done this before.
And we're all, all very, very concerned.
I don't want to see you hurt.
We need our lawyers
all working together.
One big happy family.
Joint Defense Agreement.
Big strong umbrella.
Keeps you dry.
That... it's interesting.
It's very interesting.
I think I would have to
speak to my lawyer, uh, Pugh,
who is often unavailable during daytime.
We have the paperwork
ready for you to sign.
Right.
So, okay, I guess...
um...
my question would be...
what's it worth?
In terms of the "me" of it all?
What do you want?
GREG: What do I want?
I mean...
What can I get?
That's not the way it works.
Well, maybe it is.
Look at you. Shaking
like a f*cking leaf.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
LOGAN: Listen.
You have some leverage.
Just a little.
So, why don't you f*ck off
and think about what you wanna
ask for to come on side
and I'll see what I can do.
Okay?
Fair.
Fair deal. Not a deal.
But a plan.
Shall I chug... chug this or?
I can...
I can chug it.
(GROANS)
Good. Thank you, Logan.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Oh, good.
I don't know how you did it
back in the s.
Different times. Different times indeed.
Better times?
Not... Not for all.
KENDALL: Yo, what's up, Ancient Grains?
(CHUCKLES) Just wanna see
where your head's at.
KENDALL: Yeah, you don't railroad me.
- Not going, Frank.
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Jess.
- Yes?
- Rabbit-cam, for the kids.
- Great.
FRANK: Ken, say this all
blows up the way to intend,
your dad's gone. You're going to need
the big beasts
in your corner afterwards.
Uh-huh?
Well, Josh Aaronson is a lock for me.
He's always been a lock right back.
That's not what he says to people.
FRANK: Look, it's smart
to do this. You know it is.
It's smart for now because you
can't have Sandy and Stewy win.
Right? That just nukes everything.
Yeah, but they'll settle...
in the end, right?
But also it's smart for tomorrow
because it would be fun if,
if... your dad has to step away,
you get to show Aaronson who you are.
When and where?
Change of venue.
It's all last minute.
Josh's daughter is sick,
so he requests that
you go out to his island.
Uh-huh?
FRANK: It's a bonus, right? Discreet.
There's a suggestion you convene
with your father for ten minutes
on the tarmac at the other end.
Just to, you know,
agree on approach, flush
out any awkwardness.
I'll let you know.
Thank you.
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(PHONE PINGS)
Um, okay, we're actually being asked
to hold for just one second.
Okay.
♪ (MUSIC SOFTENS) ♪
Sir, you're this way.
No, for the Judas.
I'll take this one.
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
(PHONE PINGS)
Um, okay, you're... We're good.
KENDALL: Just make sure
the rabbit has water.
JESS: Yeah.
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(PHONE PINGS)
They've asked us to take off first.
Uh-huh.
He doesn't want to wait
at the other end.
- SHIV: Hey!
- Hey.
So, Dad would like a host out
criticizing the administration.
You wanna tell Ravenhead or Cyd?
Well, that's not really
how it works, Siobhan.
We'd have to handle a pivot
like that very delicately.
Well, I know that, Tom.
But I thought I was
talking to my husband,
so I could be a little more direct.
Okay, well, as I say, it's
a very complex situation, so...
What's, uh...
- What's this?
- SHIV: Uh-huh.
Just, um... just ranking the facilities.
Tom, that's not...
That's not gonna happen.
No, no, no, I know. But, uh...
if it does, I'm leaning towards
FCI Otisville as my number one.
Otisville? That's the...
- the prison in Maryland?
- No.
No.
Cumberland is the prison
camp in Maryland.
Shiv, Otisville is upstate.
You know, the Jewish jail?
Yes, right.
Right, sorry.
I just keep hearing a lot of
really good things about it.
Kosher vending machines
and sturdy bunks and...
Tom.
It's an "if".
A really big f*cking "if".
You know they're calling me
Terminal Tom,
down on seven?
'Cause I've got cancer of the career.
So, who tells mark we need to
send a sh*t across the bow?
You know, Ravenhead has
his own battalions.
He, uh...
- He values his independence.
- SHIV: He's a little bitch.
Once he gets it,
he'll do what my dad wants.
What? White Pride FM
gonna pay him mil a year?
Well, he's not gonna like it.
But you'll handle it?
I mean...
Yeah, I'll do it. But...
But in terms of, you know, optics,
I should probably not
take orders from you.
Much.
Because of...
Because of corporate governance.
Corporate governance?
Yeah, like, you know...
Like in terms of the org chart.
And my... masculinity. I... You know.
If you carve out from me,
it undermines me.
But it undermines me
if I look at the wall
and the org chart suggests
that you're being
- f*cked in the ass by your wife!
- SHIV: Tom.
I would like you to handle
Ravenhead, yeah?
Sure, I'll talk to him.
And can you thumb-screw Greg?
We need him under the Joint Defense.
Sure.
I'll check in later, yeah?
Where is he? Where's his car?
KERRY: I'm trying him now.
(PHONE BUZZES)
- Yeah.
- KERRY: Uh, Kendall,
I have Logan for you.
We're holding on the tarmac
for the catch-up.
Yeah, hey, so look,
I think it's pretty obvious
what we need to say,
so I'm headed straight
to Josh's compound.
Tell Dad, "Meep-Meep!"
It's from Road Runner.
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
SHIV: Hey! There he is!
- Hey!
- Hi.
Look at you, sis.
So, what can we do for you here?
Well, I wanna be a good little boy,
and I wanna be useful.
But I think I need me some pie here.
Okay, so shall I go? Or will you?
You know, we're very excited about
the idea of working
more closely with you.
Great. Okay, politically,
a lack of real-world experience
has sometimes been leveled at me.
- (SHIV CHUCKLES)
- Ah, now, even with the rumors,
the Raisin is likely gonna win again.
So, I'm looking to make my move in four.
Therefore, I wouldn't be uninterested
in coming in
and hitting...
three-four major achievements
and then getting out.
Okay, all right, Connor.
Cards on the table.
We were thinking of
offering you Gourmando.
- Gourmando?
- SHIV: Uh-huh.
I really don't see myself
at a food network.
You could do, uh, a wine tasting show.
(CHUCKLES) You really think that
me spitting out rioja on camera
is going to help me win the rust belt?
But, Connor, I just don't
think we can give you
a high-level executive role
in the current climate.
Look, sis.
I don't like having my boot on
the old man's throat, but I do.
I got me some juice.
- Well, up to a point.
- CONNOR: Oh, no, no, no, no.
I can pull out the old megaphone
anytime I want and I can say,
"Hey! Guess what?
I recall my father was a nasty,
r*cist, neglectful individual.
What was it that they
used to say around here?
No Blacks, no Jews, no women
above the fourth floor".
You already have our attention, Connor.
- Good.
- I just thought
a lifestyle network
or, you know, a stock situation
would be easier for you to manage.
Remember... remember
when you had that, uh,
play post office?
And you used to stamp all the
mail that came into the house?
Yeah.
This is a little bit like that.
Isn't it, Shiv?
Let's stay civil, Connor.
I just don't think I wanna
deal with you, Shiv.
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Hey, hey! There he is!
- Josh, what's up!
- Hey!
Kendall! (GROANS) How are you?
Good to see you, man.
- You okay?
- Yeah, good.
Good, good.
Thanks for coming out.
Are you kidding?
You just had to say the word.
- (JOSH SIGHS)
- How's Kitty?
She's, uh, good. Better. It was dumb.
She had a fever this morning.
- But, um...
- f*ck.
... I just didn't wanna
come into the city.
I hope that's okay?
How's your, uh... Iverson?
- Yeah, great. Great.
- Yeah?
I just bought him
a f*cking giant rabbit.
So, now he's, like, Googling
where he can buy
the world's biggest carrot.
(BOTH LAUGH)
- That's f*cking hilarious.
- It's good.
(LAUGHS) Hilarious.
- Come outside. Take a look.
- Yeah.
- KENDALL: Nice spot.
- JOSH AARONSON: Yeah.
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
So, where's the big man?
Ah, it's all good.
He... he had to take a call.
He sent me ahead.
It's all good?
I don't know. Sure.
It's all terrible. It's all good.
You know. Whatever.
(CHUCKLES) Right?
I don't know. I guess
that's my whole question.
We should probably wait for the old man.
But yeah, look, it's a f*ck-pie.
But end of the day,
it's not that complicated.
Like, I'm better than my dad.
But my dad is still better
than Sandy and Stewy.
Yeah. My other option is,
I... just get out.
Well...
the comet is coming.
- Mm-hmm?
- I think a single acquisition.
We buy in an oven-ready UI.
Machine learning, social media,
super app dinges.
- We buy GoJo.
- Uh-huh.
- It's a little overpriced.
- KENDALL: I don't know.
Great UI, shitty content,
meet shitty UI, great content.
Mm...
You know, I like you.
Outside of all this, I really...
- I really like you.
- I like you too, pal.
Big f*cking nervous breakdown
of a party for my fortieth.
- You gotta come.
- Yeah, who's going?
What, you need the list?
You, me, and Henry Kissinger!
f*ck you! I know everybody.
It's gonna be the b*mb.
JOSH: Oh, cool, yeah, yeah.
- KENDALL: We should hang more.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Hey!
Captain, my Captain!
Josh!
How's your daughter?
JOSH: I think she will be fine.
Hey, thanks for, uh,
coming all this way.
Oh, not at all. I know what it's like.
JOSH: Yeah, thanks.
So...
Hmm?
- Hello, son.
- Hey, Dad.
- Grab a seat.
- Hmm.
So, uh... (CHUCKLES)
(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry for all this.
Look, I know you're pressed for time.
I just wanted to, uh, check in.
As an investor, but, uh,
you know, also as a...
as a friend.
You know, I guess I have concerns.
Let me tell you, hand on heart.
Whatever the turbulence
in the short term,
there is nothing
that's a significant issue.
The core business is the core business
and the volatility is priced in now.
So, it's all upside from here.
Safest option, back me, sit tight,
counting your gold in your castle here,
and I'll make you whole.
Okay?
No, it doesn't work like that.
Can we take a walk?
(CHUCKLES) Look at this
f*cking New York wiseacre.
No, seriously, come on.
It's so beautiful,
it's disgusting. I mean...
A walk?
- JOSH: Yeah.
- How far?
Come on, Dad. Let's walk it out.
JOSH: Yeah?
Shall I send the cart for you,
or shall we walk?
Sure! Let's walk.
Good, good. Nice! Love it!
f*cking King Kong come
out to dance with me.
I'm honored.
Uh, I'll be right back.
(LOGAN CLEARS THROAT)
Okay, here they come.
- f*cking tattoo man!
- HUGO BAKER: Mm-hmm.
- And thank you for coming.
- Hey! Hey, man.
- Hi.
- ROMAN: How, uh...
How you doing? You look great.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
Good to see you again.
What? Oh, yeah, no. Good to...
Good to see you too.
It's good to catch up, um...
You never call!
- Hugo, do you wanna?
- Yes.
So, we wanted to make an offer
to Mr. Albescu.
LAWYER: Is this an NDA situation?
Sorry, but, uh, I'm not trying
to be a d*ck here.
But, uh, I'm looking. And, um...
Yeah, I'm just gonna say. You're the...
You're the guy, right?
Is it there?
After a four-year period, he had the...
insignia, the design removed...
- Huh.
- ... in order to
improve employment potential
and social acceptability.
Mm-hmm. Well...
that's a shame.
I mean, I think you really
had something there.
It was really working for you.
Uh, sorry, can I just?
Do you mind?
Okay.
- Hugo? Could you?
- Yeah, uh...
- So...
- Excuse me.
... you can sort of see it, right?
- See, it's clearly three digits.
- HUGO: Hmm.
ROMAN: I can make out the "R" here.
But I don't really see...
Like, does that look like a "K" to you?
HUGO: No, no. We should... No.
Okay, um...
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
So, do you have any, um,
photos of it from around then?
We'd arrange payment
if you had any photos.
Yeah, I'm not super proud of what I did.
So, wouldn't want any
photos of it out there.
Right, that makes sense.
And not wishing to...
uh, make this too transactional, but...
how much for the photos?
I really...
uh...
It doesn't feel good.
It would feel like going backwards.
Yeah, that makes sense.
But there's gotta be a number.
- Right?
- Uh...
I...
I'm just gonna say a million dollars.
Million dollars?
(CHILD GIGGLING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
She's feeling better, huh?
Yeah, isn't that amazing?
She was in bed an hour ago.
So, Josh, why don't you tell me
what you want.
I'll see if I can give it to you
and we can f*ck off.
Low blood sugar.
You want me to run back
and grab you a banana,
or a power bar, or something?
'Cause I'd really like to get into this.
Okay, let's go.
(SIGHS)
Okay.
I've lost ten percent
of my four percent on this.
Three-hundred and fifty million dollars.
Ideally, I'd like to get it back.
So, uh, I guess it comes down to
are you or Sandy gonna get me that back?
Stick with us.
Stick with the value proposition.
This is the industry vision,
- right here.
- KENDALL: That's right.
Uh-huh.
But how does that work?
After what you've said,
how the hell does that work?
Well, you know, Beatles put out
some of their best sh*t
when they were suing each other.
Right?
Yeah, good band.
KENDALL: Uh-huh.
Great band.
Good band.
Right.
Knock-knock!
Oh, hey, Tom!
Terminal Tom calling!
The ghost at the feast.
The shame sponge.
- No, no.
- (TOM CHUCKLES)
I just got my clock cleaned
by Ravenhead.
- No?
- TOM WAMBGANS: Yeah.
But it's cool. It's just the job.
I only mention it to amuse.
Cool.
That's funny. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, now I've been sent down
here to apply the thumb screws.
GREG: Oh, no.
Oh, courtesy pastries, huh?
Yeah, I think I'm...
I think I'm being courted a bit.
So...
Well, I guess I'm...
I'm considering my options.
Good.
Good. You know, Greg, honestly,
you can probably ask
for whatever you want.
- GREG: Yeah?
- Uh-huh.
GREG: Well, um...
All due respect to ATN.
And you.
But I... I feel that
where my heart is, is parks.
- Okay.
- GREG: Really.
I think ex... experience
economy is maybe where it's at.
Let's game this out!
- Come on, let's game it out.
- Okay.
- So, I was thinking of asking for Operations Director.
- Yeah.
- Then k*ll Ray.
- Yes, Ray's an assh*le.
And then, maybe, I think,
you know, start hands on.
No, exactly, yeah.
Get it in at a tier two park.
Ask for deputy at,
like, Brightstar Buffalo,
so I'm home on weekends.
- Easy-peasy.
- Right!
Perfect!
So, I guess you've already gamed it.
Yeah.
But, thank... thank you.
(CHUCKLES)
An amusing notion has
just occurred to me, Greg.
- GREG: Yeah?
- Yes.
(CHUCKLES)
You're gonna be running a theme park.
Um...
And here's me, going to jail.
And you're gonna be
living in a magical castle.
And I am going to be down in a dungeon
somewhere, sucking off ogres
for phone cards. (LAUGHS)
No, I mean, who even knows?
This probably won't work...
Greg what do you know about, um...
Nero and Sporus?
Nero and...
TOM: Sporus.
- Spor...
- TOM: Greg, yeah.
Sporus was a young sl*ve boy.
He was Nero's favorite.
And, uh...
you know what Nero did to him?
"Nero and Sporus". I don't...
This is not IP I'm familiar with.
Well, Nero...
pushed his wife...
down the stairs.
And then he had Sporus castrated
and he married him instead.
And he gave him a ring.
And he made him dress up
like his dead wife.
Wow!
Plot twist! Didn't see that coming.
Yeah, I bought a book on
the Romans to read in prison.
- It's a big book.
- Well, is it a good book?
TOM: It's a decent book, yeah.
I'd castrate you and
marry you in a heartbeat.
(CHUCKLES)
(CLICKS TONGUE)
- Are you okay, Tom?
- Hey!
See if you can wrestle me
into the ground, Greg.
- No.
- TOM: Come on.
- I don't want to...
- Come on. Let's...
Come on, let's fight like chickens.
- GREG: No, I...
- (IMITATES CHICKEN) Come on!
Come on! Come on. Let's have
a little punching match.
- No, no.
- (TOM CLUCKING)
Come on! Fight me like
a rooster, you weakling!
- Please, Tom! Stop!
- Come on!
- Stop. I don't want to, man!
- Why are you such a cock?
I don't want to!
I don't wanna do it!
(MOCKS) "I don't wanna do it! I don't
wanna do it! I don't wanna do it!"
Neither do I, Greg!
It was a joke, you idiot.
You're so hard to riff with.
I mean that is a big career
obstacle right there for you.
Big!
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Come on, man.
Yeah, I guess the, uh...
the actual easiest thing
for me would be, uh...
you know, Kendall,
probably isn't too late for you
to backpedal on all your sh*t
and just, you know...
say you were wrong or
just fuzzle it up, you know.
Just back off and cool it down.
Hmm?
No, that's not possible.
I wasn't wrong and that
destroys my reputation.
You should listen to him, son.
Is this what this is?
- What is this?
- What?
I've been brought out here to be
roughed up by the two of you?
- Is that what this is?
- No, no, no, no, no.
"Things just got out of hand.
You were mistaken.
Things went too far".
No, no way.
Maybe just quiet down
a little bit, all right?
You've made your point, all right?
Maybe just, you know...
we could just close up the outrage shop.
Leave it for the DOJ to investigate.
Are you guys trying to f*ck me here?
- Ken...
- KENDALL: I see this!
Whoa, hey.
Easy. Easy, friend.
- All right.
- Let's go.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
You okay, son?
Some of those dr*gs you do
can make you paranoid.
Is that right?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Hey!
- FRANK: Hi. Hi.
Any updates from Dad?
(SCOFFS) Radio silence, so...
either everything going to plan or...
- they've stabbed each other to death.
- Uh-huh.
And where are we at with
the Sandy and Stewy negotiation?
KARL: Oh, um...
Pardon me.
Momentarily broken.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, they're just grabbing
a quick bite while they wait on
- the turnaround of the document.
- SHIV: Uh-huh.
But in terms of the temperature?
Uh, it's attritional, huh?
- Yeah.
- SHIV: Oh, great.
But just so I'm clear,
we're hung up on what exactly?
Well, the last, um...
break-out session was
some specifics about
the non-disparagement clause.
We're still on that?
I mean, don't we have bigger
things like the stand-still?
KARL: Maybe, but...
what we're really trying
to scope out here
is if actually there is a deal space?
Sure, but do we have time?
Or do we just send
one of you two big-hitters
down there and...
bang some heads together?
Pull 'em out of the weeds, huh?
Uh...
It's an option. Sure.
SHIV: Great!
Okay, well, I need big news
or vibrations...
- let me know.
- We absolutely will.
SHIV: Thanks, guys.
JOSH: Ah, it's good, yeah?
KENDALL: Yeah. It's great.
Your dad's okay?
Yeah, he's fine.
So, uh, come on.
What do you have on him?
You know, I'd really...
rather not say.
Legally.
I mean, I guess it's difficult, right?
I mean, if you have jack-sh*t
you look like a fake.
If you have really damaging
sh*t, you make me
maybe want to run away, right?
- Well, he's implicated.
- Uh-huh.
Hey.
- Just riffing.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
KENDALL: Pitching our vision.
Well, shall we?
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah?
(KNOCK ON THE DOOR)
- TOM: Hey.
- Hey!
Yeah, so, it's a no on Ravenhead.
- SHIV: Oh?
- Yeah.
He just doesn't see how
he can accommodate the pivot.
Huh.
- Well, that's unfortunate.
- TOM: Yeah.
Yeah, he was fairly unpleasant
about it all.
Uh-huh? But I heard that...
Greg's a lock.
- Yeah? He signed the JDA, so...
- TOM: Uh...
- You nailed that.
- TOM: Yeah.
That's about my level.
Tom Wambsgans, minion
wrangler and sh*t-eater.
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
You doing okay?
Is it the seniority thing?
- No.
- SHIV: Or the...
you know, the...
prison possibility?
(SIGHS) I just...
I just keep thinking about, you know,
you know, when we get home,
uh, before dinner
we have that very first glass
of cold white wine.
- SHIV: Uh-huh.
- On an empty stomach,
you know that very cold glass of wine?
I f*cking love that!
I just love that and I...
And so I did a bit of research
and I got deep into
the prison blogs again.
- Oh, honey!
- You know, about "toilet wine".
And turns out you can make it
from fruit and ketchup
but you have to "burp"
the wine back as it ferments.
And I thought, "What if I forget
to burp the toilet wine?"
But the truth is I'm not gonna get wine
of any temperature in prison, Shiv.
There are no fine wines in prison.
You don't get to choose what you eat.
You don't get to say what you do.
You know, like, like...
What... How late can I read?
When is "lights out"?
I'm f*cking...
I'm f*cking terrified, Shiv.
Hey!
Hey, it's...
I mean, uh...
I don't know what I can say to you.
(PHONE BUZZES)
Oh.
Yeah, I gotta...
It's Dad.
No. Sure, sure, sure, sure.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
- SHIV: Sorry, honey. I...
- No. No, no.
- Hey, Dad.
- I've just spoken to Karl.
Uh, Greg's in by the way.
Tom got him to sign.
Karl's not happy with
your level of input.
Oh? (CHUCKLES)
Okay. Well, f*ck him, right?
I don't need another toothache.
Well, you okayed me to go
in there and kick some ass.
- And I barely...
- I gave you a destination.
I can't walk you there, okay?
Okay, Dad, but if you give in to Karl,
then everyone starts to carve me out.
There's a line.
- And...
- Nothing is a line.
Everything everywhere
is always moving forever.
Get used to it.
Okay.
LOGAN: So, Josh...
where are we on this?
You know, I have a wife
at home. (LAUGHS)
Uh, thank you.
Uh...
Well, uh...
help yourself.
Uh, I hear you on the fundamentals.
You know.
I mean, f*ck Sandy and Stewy.
That's just financial engineering and...
I can do that myself, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
But this...
this still feels off.
I mean, Ken, it feels like...
I mean, you want your dad to go to jail?
Well, uh, that's not for me to say.
JOSH: I mean, it kind of is, though.
Like if you were a judge,
you'd want him to go to prison?
I believe the traditional
whistleblowing process
would be subverted.
- So, that's why I...
- JOSH: Uh, but Logan,
the reputational hit?
I mean, optically,
maybe you become...
a punchline.
One of those big guys
who aren't coming back.
When is this gonna end?
I'm hearing separate planes.
I gotta say...
I don't like betting on blood feuds.
It ends with me in control...
slapped wrists,
and a payout.
That stuff...
sea mist.
Vapor.
JOSH: Here's the disconnect.
See, I think that...
end of the day...
you work for the shareholders.
For me.
But I think that you think
that I'm some dipshit who had
a lucky night at the casino,
who acts all fancy,
and then makes you eat f*cking
rodents for my pleasure.
Right?
But I have a g*n at your head.
And I need to know if this is
gonna be a functional situation.
And I'm sure you're gonna say,
"Yes, it is going to be
a functional situation".
But I'm gonna need to hear you say
that it's a functional situation.
So, can you work together?
- Uh-huh.
- Sure. Absolutely.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, f*ck. This is tough.
This is... It's f*cking tough,
I gotta say. 'Cause...
I don't really believe you.
I mean, I kinda don't.
It'll be okay.
It'll be okay...
because he's a good kid.
- He's a good kid?
- LOGAN: Yeah.
He's a good kid.
(CHUCKLES)
- Okay.
- LOGAN: Yeah.
He did what he thought was best.
I think he went too far, but...
he's a good kid.
Yeah?
He's a good kid...
and I love him.
LOGAN: I mean...
there'll be a big number.
We'll pay, he'll mew and cry
and... and I'll get it.
It'll all be okay.
And...
maybe...
it'll be him one day.
It's in his blood.
He learned it all from me.
And maybe...
maybe he's the best one of all of them.
So, yeah...
it'll be okay.
Wow!
Well...
So, that's nice to hear?
Right?
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
JOSH: Huh.
So, I guess...
for me to come your way,
I have a little wish list.
A little EPS-juicing.
Some stock buyback.
You know...
let me in. Hmm?
Sounds good.
I'd consider that. Absolutely.
(PHONE RINGS)
I'd appreciate that, Logan.
Uh, I should take this.
I want to make sure
we get back a little easier.
(LAUGHS) City boy, huh?
Well, you're a bit far from
your nearest coffee and bagel.
(LAUGHS)
Yeah.
Hello? Yes.
Uh, yes.
- Uh-huh.
- (SIGHS)
JOSH: Sure, sure, yes.
(WAVES LAPPING, BIRDS SQUAWKING)
What?
JOSH: Okay. Good.
Okay?
Look, shall we head back? They'll, uh...
They'll send some carts for us.
Uh...
You good? You wanna wait here
or we can walk up to the...
You wanna... You wanna
rest up, old geezer?
I'm good.
JOSH: Good, let's do it.
(JOSH CLEARS THROAT)
Nice speeches.
Yeah.
Well, you'll say anything to get
f*cked on a date, won't you?
You know, Greg's with me now.
He tell you? Huh?
(SIGHS) You're on your own now, son.
KENDALL: We'll see.
Retire now, effective immediately,
maybe I go easy, row back.
You'd scuttle the fleet in a month.
Dad, you're the silverback, but
I put you in the ground that day.
And you don't get to come back.
Do you understand?
You know something, son?
I'd sooner get f*cked by a spic
in a shower block
than see you have it.
(SIGHS)
And I got the Raisin under my thumb,
I've got the family,
I've got little Greggy.
I've got the f*cking
tattoo man in the t*nk.
You're high and dry.
Face it, son.
You lost.
You guys good to keep going?
'Cause, uh, I have visitors
coming and, um...
You sure you're okay?
'Cause I'm gonna run ahead.
- You go! You go! I'm great.
- I could send a cart.
Okay.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Hey, Josh!
Uh, I think this feels like
it's going to the ocean.
No, no, this is the short way.
Uh, anyway, I know where we are.
Yeah.
Stop staring. I'm fine.
Hey, it's pretty rough, though.
So, you wanna wait for the cart?
I mean, there's a lot of bumps.
Oh, bumps! (LAUGHS) I've walked bumps!
You sure? I don't mind calling.
LOGAN: Oh, not for me.
Not on my account.
Right, Ken?
(PANTS)
We're good.
He's all good.
- Let's walk it out. Right, Dad?
- Yeah.
- (PANTS)
- He's fine. He's a bear.
I'm gonna run up ahead.
Can't you even f*cking tell me
you need a breather?
I'm fine.
Right.
You've lied so much you don't
even f*cking know anymore.
Your brain's scrambled egg, look at you.
- I b*at you. Pipe down!
- What's that? I can't hear you.
You're f*cked.
Uh-huh, look at you.
You're years old
and you've pissed off
your f*cking boyfriend,
the President, and he's
sending the Feds on you
and you're wriggling,
but you're in too deep.
Everyone knows.
And now you're trying to counter
but you've put Shiv in there
and she's a f*cking dipshit.
I hear no one respects her.
Everyone's digging her out.
And you're losing control,
and everyone hates you.
Let's just close the deal with Josh.
He f*cking hates you too.
Your anti-Semitic f*cking
bagel and gold bullshit!
Oh, f*ck off!
You don't even know what
you're saying half the time.
It's like you're f*cking losing it, man.
(PANTING) You got water?
Ask your f*cking iPhone.
JOSH: Listen. I'm gonna call the house.
'Cause, this is the quick way
but sometimes it takes longer,
so I'm checking.
- KENDALL: Okay.
- All right.
(CONTINUES PANTING)
(GROANS)
Just catch your breath, okay?
Catch your breath.
Get me something...
in case I puke.
Yeah, I know where I am.
We don't know where you are.
Yeah, so, we're not lost. You're lost.
(PANTS HEAVILY)
Dad, come on.
(CHOKES AND GROANS)
JOSH: You okay?
Yeah, yeah. Tell him. Yeah.
- All good. All good.
- (PANTS)
(LOGAN GROANS)
Hey, listen to me. Are you okay?
Are you having a f*cking
heart att*ck here?
f*ck off!
I know what heart att*cks are
and this isn't one. (PANTS)
You... (GROANS)
I think we need a cart and a doctor.
No f*cking doctor! Not in front of him!
I don't want you f*cking dying here.
You tried to f*ck me!
We need to get you back, okay?
Let's just get you back.
(PANTING)
- (LOGAN SCREAMS AND GROANS)
- KENDALL: Dad!
Hey, Josh, uh, we need
to get my dad back.
JOSH: f*ck! f*ck!
- You okay?
- Yeah. (WINCES AND GROANS)
I'm gonna get a doctor.
- Come on.
- (LOGAN GROANS)
(GROANS)
Okay?
(WINCES)
You know, I'm all right. (PANTS)
Take it easy, right here.
Take it easy. Sit down.
(WINCES) Oh, f*ck!
- JOSH: Okay?
- Yeah.
- Sit down. Sit down.
- (GROANS)
(PANTING AND GROANING)
JOSH: Where the f*ck are you?
- We need a doctor.
- KENDALL: Okay?
JOSH: Okay.
- Yes, yes, thank you.
- Too much sun.
He'll be fine. Just a bit too much sun.
(SIGHS)
We're good. Hey, listen, man.
- You know, I think, I think...
- I think, maybe,
why don't you just think about
your dad right now, huh?
Right, Ken?
(SIGHS)
WANDA: ... but I could get talking
about Margaret's school bus story.
What do you think, Mark?
MARK RAVENHEAD: I like
"Pedo Daycare". It's strong.
Oh, no, don't let me interrupt.
You carry on.
I'll just wait in the corner.
- Uh...
- (SCOFFS)
Let's end there. I think
we're pretty much done.
Great!
- SHIV: Hey.
- Um, just so you know,
Mark only discusses editorial
with Cyd or Logan.
That's just been long-standing...
Oh, no, that's fine. It's not editorial.
Oh.
SHIV: Thanks, Wanda.
- Hey!
- MARK: Hi.
- It is editorial, so...
- Yeah.
I have a line for you on the President
that we'd like you to start
rolling out immediately.
We're open to suggestions, but, uh,
we just feel like
our general ideological sympathy
has maybe let them off the hook
on too many specifics.
Right? Like big tech.
Middle East.
Green subsidies.
We'd like a branded
nightly segment, like...
"Is he losing his grip?"
"Is he losing his grip?"
You know he's a friend, right?
But with a question mark, like, "Is he?"
Oh! Oh, with a question mark!
Well, thank you for giving me
discretion on the punctuation.
Shiv, I have a perspective.
Okay?
And a reputation that I've
built up over a number of years.
But this is something my dad wants.
So, one, he has a great antenna
and you should trust his hunches.
But two...
in a sense, this conversation
is already over.
It's just a question of how many times
we scream the word "f*ck" at each other
before you do what we want.
What if I go public with
this full-court press?
Incredibly embarrassing for you.
Yeah, but...
the thing about us, Mark, and
you should know this by now,
we don't get embarrassed.
After me. Thanks.
Hey! How're things looking?
Conference call with lawyers
before they head back in.
Sandy and Stewy. No progress.
It's not good.
And how was the date?
Did you f*ck him or tug
him off between courses?
Enough, okay?
- GERRI: Seriously, I mean it.
- Enough. Stop it.
Seriously, stop flirting with me.
What do you want?
You're gonna f*cking die.
- GERRI: Oh, God!
- ROMAN: I know.
Don't use this.
No! Come on... That is a magic b*llet.
He's gonna love it.
Dad's gonna give me my bedtime bath.
Bank the photos. By all means.
But don't spread it around.
Yeah, it's great for Logan.
It's bad for Kendall.
It's bad for you.
"The Tattoo Brothers"?
Oh, okay, so, what? You, uh... you care?
"How does this advance
my personal position?"
You need to think about that / .
You should get that
tattooed on your head.
Here.
Keep the photos. Our little secret.
Oh, did you hear about your dad?
No, what?
LOGAN: Uh-huh. I'm sorry.
I don't control them like that.
- He has editorial freedom.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PHONE)
Oh, come on, come on!
That's just rumors.
Watch the show!
I'm sure it won't seem so bad.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
OVER PHONE CONTINUES)
You want to hear what it sounds like
when the President loses his temper?
(GIGGLES)
(CHUCKLES)
Look, let me investigate. I...
You know Mark.
He's very tenacious, very independent.
I don't know, but if I wasn't so tied up
in this f*cking investigation,
I could focus on keeping
ATN on message. Hmm?
ROMAN: Hey, I hear
you tried to k*ll Dad again?
It was just heat exhaustion.
Uh, that's not what we're hearing.
We're hearing that you took an
old man out to die in the sun.
We went for a hike with Josh.
You tried to assassinate
our dad with the sun.
Do you have a fetish
for nearly k*lling Dad?
Like, "Just the tip"
but for like k*lling Dad?
Well, look, it's in hand.
The vote.
Josh is a lock.
Uh, well, no, actually. He's out.
What are you talking about?
- He's with us.
- ROMAN: No! He's out.
Frank just got off the phone.
Apparently, Dad's little
freak-out gave him the shits.
Weak leadership, fractured at the top.
You let him f*cking shrivel,
he saw that.
And now he has, quote,
"Zero faith in the post-Dad leadership".
It's not my fault he's an old man
who can't climb a f*cking hill.
We're about to lose the company
at the shareholder meet,
all because you wouldn't give
our dad a timely f*cking Evian.
Good day!
♪ (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪