01x21 - P-R-- PROM

[bunniefuu]

- Ray, taste this.
- I don't want to taste it.

- No, you must, Ray, please, Ray.
- I... I have food of my own.

- Please, just for Mommy. Show Mommy.
- Don't do this, don't make me do this.

Come on, try a little bite. One
little bite for Mommy.

If you love me, you'll taste a bite.

Come on, taste it, taste it.

It's disgusting, isn't it?

- Somebody said it.
- I heard it, too.

The word.

Them.

Who gets to tell 'em off?

Whoever finishes their drink first.

Come on, dude!

Done! Whose booth? My booth.

Is this your first
DiMeo sensitivity speech?

I'll do you proud.

Why, hello there.

Starting quiet, good.

Get them to come to you.

Ooh, a little sass now.

Making it his own.

Wagging his finger...
Yeah, wish I had that.

Yeah, that's right. Hand in their face.

They don't get to talk, you get to talk.

He's coming back, efficient.

[Chuckles]

So, they're never gonna
use that word again, right?

They're having their driveway re-tarred.

Sorry. Sorry! So sorry about that.

Who is this?

No one told me Daniel
Craig uses a wheelchair,

or that his best friend
was Mr. Ryan Gosling.

Told you Mom would think we look hot.

JJ, I know you sh*t
me down when I offered

to trick out your wheelchair for prom

with a special disco-mode option.

I respect that.

This button is party-mode.

"No, no, no, no!"

Why not?

"I get too much
attention at these things.

I want to blend in."

Well, good luck blending
in, 'cause I'm afraid...

Boop, boop...

Your gorgeous-mode buttons still work.

Mom, you're embarrassing me!

[Giggling]

Darling, are you sure you don't
want Kenneth to help you tonight?

Kenneth: Oh, he won't
need me speaking for him.

He won't be talking much at all

once he gets to the bleachers.

[Laughs]

You know, under the bleachers?

Lafayette prom night?
It's make-out city!

Bone up on your French!

Kissing, that is!

I'll have what they're having.

[Chuckles]

Who is this for?

Oh, do seventh-graders go to prom now?

I'm working refreshments.

Now they tell me I'm just
lining up cups of punch.

There's a month of studying
Tom Cruise in "Cocktail"

I'll never get back.

♪

Dang!

Ugh, balsamic vinegar and egg nog?

- It's really more about the throwing.
- Yeah.

♪

Hey, aren't you the guy that got stuck

in the school mascot costume?

[Laughs]

I'd like to think of myself as the guy

who got out of it.

"Why is she smiling at that?"

I've heard about this.

I think it's called an aneurysm?

I'm Riley Mullins.

No, I've seen Riley Mullins.

I just had a bit of a
makeover over spring break.

I lost the headgear and
got laser eye surgery.

[Whispering] Dude, this is
her first day of being hot.

She doesn't realize
she's out of you league.

- What's that?
- Nothing.

I'm the best you can do. Let's go.

[Chuckles]

Well, I'm gonna go stand behind a bar.

"And I'm gonna go blend in
with an -pound wheelchair."

Good luck!

♪

You ready?

Oh, sorry, JJ.

Hey, everybody, JJ's here.

JJ selfie.

Go, JJ, go, JJ! Go, JJ!

Make some room, JJ dance circle!

All: [Chanting] Go, JJ! Go, JJ!

Go, JJ! Go, JJ!

Go, JJ!

♪

Why is that boy staring at me?

Ugh. He's just judging
you by your cover.

Hey, she has a great personality!

It's so loud in here.

We should go find a quiet spot.

Maybe... under the bleachers?

Oh, I don't know.

I... Apparently at this school,

"under the bleachers"
is kind of a thing.

I know.

- All right, then.
- [Chuckles]

One moment, my lady.

Quick question. How do you make out?

Think of your tongue as a toothbrush

and just brush her teeth.

Thought so. Thanks!

What were you thinking, giving me this?

I was thinking it was a nice gift.

Don't worry. I won't
make that mistake again.

[Floor creaking]

Sorry, I-I forgot this.

Look, I know it's not my
place, but come on, guys.

Don't argue. Didn't you have plans?

Go, you know, have fun.

We are. This is our night.

Fight night. It's the best!

We don't like arguing
in front of the kids,

so when we feel one
coming on we write it

on a bit of paper and we
stuff it in the bottle.

You have a night all to yourselves,

and that's how you choose to spend it?

Yeah, it's fun, isn't it?
Yeah, we yell, we throw things.

Jimmy has this cute little
vein he pops out on his neck.

Stop it. Your vein is the cute one.

Here, I'll show you. [Clears throat]

How ungrateful can you be?

It was a gift for no occasion.

Oh no, the occasion
was, "Congratulations,

your fingers are the size of sausages."

Have you see how big? Size
of a bloody napkin ring!

What did I say? A-dorable.

- Uh...
- Oh, don't judge us.

Are you sure you don't want me to?

Because I am, and in this
argument, you're right.

Do you know, I quite like
you being here, Kenneth.

Would you like to stay and
judge the rest of our arguments?

I don't what to say except...

Judge Kenneth court is now in session.

♪

"Hi. Are you okay?"

No, my ex dumped me three days ago,

and now she's dancing with some new guy.

Ha, you've realized the truth
I've preached for millennia.

Prom sucks.

Caroline: I'm with you.

I can't believe I thought I'd have fun.

Now I'm stuck here for three hours.

"Why do we have to stay here?"

Ooh, a prom revolt! I'm in.

Are you in, the tall girl?

Oh, no. Is this some sort of misfits

coming together kind of thing?

Because I'm cool, just FYI.

Okay, she just mimed
spanking him. I'm in.

"Let's get out of here."

Lead the way.

By the by, I am Erebus of Nighthollow.

You're not gonna question that?

This group is awesome!

♪

I have a confession.

Oh, it's a prank.

Lure me here promising a kiss,

then cue the guys in Reagan
masks throwing tomatoes.

Fool me twice, shame on Ray.

No. Uh, the truth is,

I didn't bring you down here to talk.

[Notification beep]

Oh, I forgot!

I'm spending the night at
Lori's and I forgot my backpack.

My mom's outside with it. sh**t.

I'll be right back.

Oh, she's perfect.

I'm so sorry.

I'm such a ret*rd!

Perfect may be an overstatement.

Young man: Kiss or leave, nerd!

Why be tied down, Curtis? You're young.

What are you, a sophomore?

- I'm a junior.
- Ooh, tick tock.

Marry that chick. Now scram.

I've got customers.

Hey, Ray. Where's the girl?

Riley? I'm gonna go back
and meet her in a second.

Things are on track.

I mean, there was one tiny
thing that kind of bumped me.

What is the Reagan-face kids again?

What? No!

It was more like she was
being self-deprecating,

and then she used this dumb word.

She said...

What?!

Get over here!

Stop, that's not her!

Well, she's here, so she'll have to do.

Ew, who still says that?

[Growls] I know! I-I hate her.

Zero-tolerance. That is strike one.

Don't. No, do not give
her a second chance.

Stop convincing yourself
that that's okay.

What would Mom say?

She'd go off on her,
but she has that luxury.

Mom's physically satisfied by Dad.

I don't have Dad.

What happened to you, man?

Look, you know I'm right, Ray.

You can't let this go.

Okay. I'll tell her it's wrong.

She'll see the light, apologize,

and then it's back
to "Who's your daddy".

She is.

You love him because he's your brother.

You love him because he's your brother.

I've reached my verdict.

Jimmy does not have to hang
out with Maya's cousins.

- No!
- Yes!

Sorry Maya, I was really
swayed by Jimmy's point

about how hard they suck.

So hard! Thank you!

The fact that Maya would not
be able to keep a dog alive

is not a reason she shouldn't get one.

The court rules Maya can get a dog.

Yes! I'm gonna have a
dog for a little bit.

The court orders Jimmy
to be a more tender lover.

- Boo!
- Ha, ha! In your face.

Boo!

The court, in its infinite wisdom,

rules in favor of myyyyy friend Jimmy.

Yeah, I think you're
having a bit too much

bloody fun with this.

Is Kenneth having too much fun?

The court rules... no!

[Laughter]

Wow. This is like, so much better.

No one's asked me, "How's
the weather up there?"

in almost five minutes.

So, what's the plan, JJ?

"Go hang out somewhere else."

I like it. We'll have our own gathering.

- "Non-prom!"
- Yeah.

You know, I didn't
think you guys were cool.

But you kind of became my best friends.

"Feels fast for that."

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Let's go. [Sighs]

[Chanting "non-prom"]

Non-prom pride!

We don't care what anyone else thinks!

All: [Whispering]
Non-prom. Non-prom.

[Whispering louder]
Non-prom. Non-prom.

Riley: Ray! I'm back here.
Follow the sound of my lips.

Man, this girl has got it goin' on!

Before we return to the main event,

I have something to say.

Earlier, a word was spoken
that kind of threw me.

You said "ret*rd."

What? Uh... Oh.

I didn't mean it literally.

I meant, like, "dumb."

Oh. So you're sorry.
Great. Apology accepted.

I wouldn't say I'm sorry. I
didn't intend it as offensive.

It's not my fault that,
in today's culture,

people get upset by anything.

Should we censor
ourselves simply because

some unseen P.C. "they" might get upset?

That seems un-American.

Your argument is so pretty.

I'm captain of the debate team.

This is kind of my thing.

[Whispering] What's
your counter-argument?

Uh... my family gets really mad

when they hear that word.

My brother has cerebral palsy?

I didn't know that.

Does he have a developmental
disability as well?

No. He... He's cognitively typical?

Then that doesn't seem to apply.

But still. My family says...

But what do you think?

I think I think what... they think?

I think.

Consider my logic...

"A," my intention was benign,

"B," language is evolving,

and "C," that's a good thing,

as it robs a hurtful word of its power.

You really say words good.

You want to take a quick five?

All right. Sounds good. Good call.

I've never had teachers'
potato chips before.

"They're better."

[Chuckles] They really are.

"C-plus"?! C-plus this, Mr. Leonards.

JJ, you throw one hell of a non-prom.

What else should we do?

[Gasps] Ooh, maybe we
could put on some music?

- [Beep]
- [Upbeat music plays]

Oh, I love this song.

Caroline, Is there dancing at prom?

Well, yeah, but...

So there's no dancing at non-prom.

JJ, permission to expel
Caroline from non-prom?

"I'm not your leader.

And also, permission denied."

Damn it.

Guys, it's okay.

If music is that big of an issue,

I can just go hang
out by myself, I guess.

That's very thoughtful of you, Caroline.

Goodbye!

We found these fireworks
on a hike in the woods.

I don't hate fun, so I
wanted to set them off.

What's wrong with that?

You were a father.

And you were a mother, but not mine!

All right. All right. I've heard enough.

The court rules in favor of Jimmy.

- Why?
- Precedent.

This court has been
consistently pro-things

that make loud noise and are awesome.

- That is true.
- Oh. Bottle's empty.

Time flies when you're
screaming at your wife for sport.

Oh, no. That can't be it.

Fight about something else. Come on.

We've had our fun.

Nah. Come on, Jimmy.

But there's so much
stuff you haven't covered.

The way she... She always loses things.

And... and... and...
And her lousy driving.

Do I detect a new opponent?

Judge Jimmy.

Do I get to use Kenneth's gavel?

I'd say so.

I'll allow it.

Let's do this thing. Bring it on, Maya.

Let's see what you got.

Oh. Yeah, I got one.

You do sometimes help yourself
to our food a bit too readily.

Oh! I see!

'Cause your cooking is such a prize?!

Are you calling me fat?!

- No.
- You know what?! Burn in hell!

Yo, I'm out of here!

[Door opens, slams]

Agh. That would've been the
perfect time to bang this.

No. See? Too late.

She made some really good points.

She wants to kiss you,
Ray. How right can she be?

"You guys see a tall girl?"

I mean, I guess I'm pretty
tall. What do you need?

Wait. Actually. We need you
to weigh in on something.

His little girlfriend said the "R" word.

Oh. I see.

Just because JJ has a disability,

we should force him to be arbiter

of all things disability.

Nice.

Look who's so sensitive now.

A real champion of the movement.

He still wants to kiss her.

♪

"Then kiss her."

- Really?
- Really?

"I hate that word, but
Ray deserves this one.

He's a good brother.

He has his whole life to educate people.

This is his one chance to kiss a girl."

Insulting, but accurate.

That's, like, the most generous
thing anyone's ever done for me.

I'm gonna be kissing her,

but I'm gonna be thinking of you.

So you got your permission.

It looks like the only person left
you need to ask if it's okay...

is you.

Oh, let me check.

Uh, he's good with it.

[Door opens, closes]

Sorry. I... forgot my phone this time.

Don't know what's happened to my memory.

Perhaps I've eaten
it like everything else.

I didn't mean any offense.

I mean, you saw Jimmy and
me going back and forth.

[Sighs] I-I-I think
it kicked up a few things

that I've been feeling.

Clearly, your situation is different.

You know where you guys stand.

But us... Where are we going?

Where are we? What are we doing?

I don't know. I mean, uh...

I thought we were just, you know...

A-Are we really having
this conversation?

Oh, you think it's early?

Mm. It's not a timing question.

- It's coming up on a year.
- A great year.

I mean, we have a lot of fun.

[Scoffs] "We have fun."

This could all go away... like that.

JJ's last aide... Oh.
Yeah. I heard about her.

That was different. She's not you.

Please. Don't flatter me.

I'm in this. Deep.

And I'd like some reassurance
that you feel the same way.

Uh, you know what? Just... forget it.

Kenneth.

You know, it all sounded
different in my head.

I-I should go.

Oh, baby, no! Come back!

You been working on your argument?

Enough talk.

Riley, it's your lucky day.

Take me.

[Laughter]

Dylan: Don't do it, Ray.

Ray: Go away, Dylan.

Maya: You really think this is acceptable?

You go away, too, random British
lady who could be anyone!

JJ okayed it.

Jimmy: Yes, JJ, who's intelligent

- and shouldn't be called...
- No. It's not about JJ

and that not being an
accurate description of him.

What about people who
do think a different way

or at a different pace?

Should we reference them in a nasty way

when we do something dumb
'cause we think it's cute?

Wait. Am I forming my own opinion?

Well, it's a hell of a time to do that!

Just kiss her. She's so hot.

- Shut up.
- You shut up.

Uhh. No! I can't do it.

Look, what you said upset me.

I was always told that word was wrong,

and... and I never thought about why.

And now I have.

So thanks... I guess.

You can say whatever you
want, and that's cool,

but no tongue that says
that word can brush my teeth.

Wow.

It's not the most logical
argument, but that passion...

You really made me think.

Then think. I mean, we're in no rush.

We got all the time in the world.

Are there any singles in
here lookin' to mingle? Whoa.

Who are you? Riley?

I sit behind you in science.

Riley Mullins?

You are crazy hot with straight teeth.

- I am?
- Uh... I guess.

Does that matter?

Come on. My ex is three piles down.

Let's go make out next to her.

Sorry, Ray.

This just seems easier.

If it helps, you really made me think.

It doesn't. At all.

♪

Oh. Hey.

"For someone who hates prom,

you sure seem to like it."

[Chuckles] I mean, yeah.

I like the idea of it.

I love dancing.

I'm just kinda self-conscious.

♪

"Go. It will be fun."

[Scoffs] Well, I don't see you in there.

♪

"Caroline, would you like
to go to prom with me?"

[Chuckles]

Okay. W-What is this?

And why did Jimmy have
so many sleep masks

for me to choose from?

Kenneth, it would mean the world to us

if you would do us the incredible honor

of promising to be a part of our family

for a long, long time.

I know we play a little
hard-to-get sometimes,

but we've really fallen for you.

As a symbol of our commitment,

we'd like you to have this thoughtful,

but clearly man's, ring.

[Gasps]

♪

Huh. Cool.

What? "Huh. Cool." That's it?

We just gave you a fireworks proposal.

How are you not moved to tears?

I mean... it's cute.

But Jimmy [chuckles] you
were looking for an excuse

to sh**t off these fireworks.

And you want to get rid of this ring.

Hang on.

You barge in, hijack our night,

we bloody propose to you,

and you can't even pretend to be moved?

I've waited years to
set these suckers off.

We finally do it, in your honor,

and I don't even get to see them

'cause I'm looking at your unmoved face.

Oh, look at you. Veins
poppin' out for me.

Such irrational anger.

I'm a DiMeo.

- Ugh, I'm going to bed.
- Me too. Give me this.

[Fireworks whistle, explode]

It fits. [Chuckles]

I accept!

♪ When it drops, ooh ♪

♪ I can't take my eyes up off it ♪

Hey, tall girl! Hey,
how's the weather up there?

[Laughter]

Hey. Get your head out of the clouds.

[Laughs]

♪ And under the lights
when everything goes ♪

I feel everyone's eyes on me.

♪ Nowhere to hide when
I'm getting you close ♪

"Wait here."

♪ When we move, well,
you already know ♪

♪ So just imagine, just
imagine, just imagine ♪

Jimmy: If you're hearing this...

JJ has come to his senses
and hit the button.

Let's hear it!

All: JJ! JJ! JJ!

Dance circle!

♪ And ain't nobody leaving
soon, so keep dancing ♪

♪ I can't stop the feeling ♪

♪ Got this feeling in my body ♪

♪ I can't stop the feeling ♪

♪ Got this feeling in my body ♪

♪ Come on ♪

Excuse me?

Is this where I'm supposed to come

for the free telescope giveaway?

Hello?

Oh, no. Not again.

♪

Damn it, Ray. When will you learn

there's no such thing
as a free telescope?

Okay.

Well played, Reagans.

You guys... You guys always find a way.

All right. All right. All right.

You've had your fun now.

Nice work.

See ya next time.

Missed. Missed.

Missed. Missed me.