03x10 - R-O-- ROLL M-O-- MODEL

[bunniefuu]

[ Sighs ] Dude, why does

your mom make us shop at

my rival grocery store?

They steal my best workers --

[ Cans clattering ]

"And they stack stuff

where even very" C-O--

"coordinated people

knock into them."

Dude, JJ, I love

when you let me save face.

Oh, JJ, exciting news.

"Open bag of cookies

or a stranger you can

mold in your image?"

Ah, both.

Yeah, your special-needs

Mother Teresa has a new cause.

You're gonna help me.

It's a father and his son,

who's disabled --

they're new to town.

They're going through

a hard time.

The kid's having trouble

making friends at school.

At my store, people mind

their own business and shop.

The kid wants to be

a stand-up comedian,

except because he's in

a wheelchair, he said --

[ Flatly ]

"He said sit-down comedian."

Oh, it was new to me.

Anyway, make his day.

Tell him his dreams

will come true.

Be his role model,

except spelled --

"R-O-L-L."

Well, I'm sorry if you've heard

every great joke ever.

"Getting in other people's

business is your thing.

I don't --"

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!

Maya: Owen, this is JJ.

Hi, JJ.

It's a "wheel" pleasure.

[real]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ] "A wheel pleasure."

Good one, Owen.

[ Normal voice ]

You know what?

JJ will be

the first to tell you

that you can go anywhere.

You could go anywhere

in the world.

I --

**

For example, to produce.

Colin.

You look well.

**

-- Captions by VITAC --

**

Welcome, everybody,

to the Annual

It's Been Here A Year So Now

It's Ours Luggage Giveaway.

You guys will go first.

Like lions in the jungle,

I wait until my pride

has had its fill.

Let's go over the rules.

Don't die!

Go!

[ All shouting ]

**

[ Luggage clattering ]

[ All shouting ]

**

Suckers!

I wanted

this year-old banana.

**

Roar.

Behold, my prize!

Cool box, Dad.

"Great corners."

Perhaps I can turn it

into my study.

So sad. Not the box,

what's inside it.

Again, behold...

It's just kind of more awkward

than it is heavy.

Yeah.

Yeah, stunned silence.

60 inches of

HDR 4K UHD...

stuff for me.

A Jimmy.

I always knew

I was special.

I just -- I just

wasn't sure how,

but I'm a guy

with a big TV.

"World's Best Garbage Fights"

is gonna look incredible, Dad.

Hmm.

Seeing the big TV in here

kind of makes everything else

look, well, worse.

Okay.

Why don't we clean the place up

a little bit, you know?

Make it worthy of the TV.

Biggest helper gets the box.

-Wait, wait!

-Hands off my study!

Maya: Get off!

Ray:

Forget that you lost it --

why even take

my graphing calculator?

You've got a machine

that, upside-down,

spells "hell"

and "boob-less," Ray.

I'm not supposed

to show that off?

Whoa!

Girl: Guys, wait up.

Where did those girls

come from?

Is this school hot

at night?

Dylan: [ Stammers ]

No, Ray. No.

Let's go home.

I'm starving.

Dylan, when you see

a group of girls that hot

walk through a door,

you also walk through

that door.

**

I was thinking

balloon drop.

Maya: Oh, it's your

new mentor, JJ.

Oh, JJ, you remember them.

Owen's got a birthday

party coming up,

and he's a bit worried that

no one's gonna show up.

So we're just

brainstorming ideas.

I'm gonna pop out of a big box

and perform a comedy act.

He's got this k*ller bit

about if classic movie quotes

were said by people

with disabilities.

Go on.

Take it away, Owen.

I'm not walkin' here!

[ Laughter ]

'Cause he's not.

Anyway,

in addition to CP,

JJ also has a condition

whereby he scowls

at delightful things.

Just a moment.

JJ.

He's nervous about

his birthday party.

Tell him you love the popping

out of the box idea.

"I told you

I'm not mentor material."

All right, well,

can you just tell him

that he's hilarious?

That you had

to leave the room

because you peed your pants

laughing?

JJ, you had people

who helped you.

What would they think

if they knew you couldn't

be bothered to help others?

"They never lied to me.

You didn't.

You were honest.

You made me

believe in myself.

Do that for him."

[ Wheelchair clicks ]

[ Sighs ]

Right. Let's hear some more

great comedy.

Houston, we have

a mobility problem.

[ Chuckles ]

Nah, I'm right.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Angelic music plays ]

Ray, be cool.

Yeah, this is when

that happens.

Excuse me, what are all of

these attractive people

gathered here for?

It's a support group

for teens.

Whatever you're struggling with,

we're here for you.

So, I can join

and none of them can leave?

No, they're free to leave

any time.

But they might not leave.

I guess.

Awesome.

Yes, I could use

some support.

What? Ray, no.

We don't n--

Are those pizzas

for the group?

Sure are.

My parents just d*ed.

Meat lover's, please.

**

Wow! I feel like

I walked into a catalogue

for slightly fancy homes.

Nah, it's just

a couple little things

to bring the room

up to par with the TV.

I wall-mounted it

over the mantle

for optimal viewing angles,

installed drapes

to reduce glare,

cool sound bar.

Feels like a lot of work

for a TV.

Kenneth, it's a lot of work

because of a TV.

Thanks to Big TV,

this room

has never looked better.

I mean, now the dumpiest

thing in here is...

is me.

Thank you, Big TV.

I know what I must do.

**

Hey, bud.

Aww, little JJ.

[ Laughs ]

"I was thinking about" H--

"helping that kid.

I think my mom's wrong

how she's handling it.

And people did help me."

Hey, buddy.

[ Chuckles ]

You had me at

"Mom's wrong."

[ Laughs ]

Well, who's that?

"Me and the right kind

of role model.

The first wheelchair-user

in space."

The first what now?

"Willy O'Groat.

You've heard of him."

[ Chuckles ]

You think I would have.

[ Laughs ]

I-I just thought those guys

had some pretty specific

physical requirements.

So he brought the chair

up there or...?

"Didn't need to.

Zero gravity."

Ah.

"We ran into him

in a diner."

Uh-huh.

He had the helmet there

with him.

That's convenient.

"Uh, he told me everything.

Well, his aide did."

Huh, he's non-verbal, too.

What a perfect person

for you to run into, JJ.

**

Mm-hmm.

[ Water running ]

"Willy O'Groat."

What about The Commander?

"I miss him.

I'd like to visit him."

Oh, well, he has d*ed.

He has taken his place

among the stars.

"I'd like to pay my respects

to his super-model wife."

Well, she, too, has passed.

Soon after he.

Broken heart.

Such was their love.

"I'd like to visit

his grave."

Inaccessible cemetery.

Ironically.

"You're sure?"

"I'd hate to think

that something

that made me believe in myself

was fake."

"That the person I trust most

played me for a fool."

Houston, we do have

a mobility problem after all.

A-And that's why

I switched lunch tables.

It's made

all the difference.

Maude:

Good for you, Tara.

That was

a real breakthrough.

So, so brave.

The same thing

happened to me.

That was so brave, too.

Yeah.

Um, I've noticed

the redhead

hasn't been brave yet.

Dylan: I don't get it.

Why not just get

a cheese pizza

if you're gonna pick off

all the 'ronis?

[ Muffled ] Wait.

Is that, like, your problem?

Eh?

Nice, right?

[ Remote clicks ]

[ Whistle blows,

up-tempo music plays ]

[ Rhythmic drums ]

[ Remote clicks ]

What?

[ Drums continue ]

No, I-I -- You're right.

I guess it is a shame

to watch something so trashy

on a -- on a TV this nice.

[ Remote clicks ]

Announcer:

Passes to Johnson.

He sh**t,

and he sticks the 3.

[ Drums continue ]

Forget. And then --

Woman: Nice.

Woman: [ Singing opera ]

Okay, that's enough TV

for now.

[ Remote clicks ]

Jimmy!

Tell my son I love him.

Tell the TV

I don't need him.

"If the astronaut was fake,

how many other lies

did you tell me?

List them."

List my lies?

Do you ask Kobayashi

to list every hot dog

he ever ate?

I don't catalogue my lies.

"My 9th birthday party --

I was new at school,

but tons of kids came.

Was that you?

Was I even pen pals

with FDR?"

[ As FDR ] "Dear JJ,

if I can be president

in a wheelchair,

so can you.

Also, please stop

telling your mom

her food tastes

like farts."

"I trusted you.

You betrayed me."

[ Normal voice ]

You know what? I worked

very hard on those lies,

so I think I deserve a little

bit of recognition just --

Mm, weird angle.

You know,

I'm just trying stuff.

JJ, look, I'm sorry.

Just tell me how I can

make it up to you.

"There's nothing

you can do for me,

but you can stop Owen's dad

from doing it to him."

Oh, thank you, darling.

I'll call him right now.

Please, can I keep lying

to your brother and sister?

Oh, God. Thank you.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Dylan, success.

I got a girl's name.

Don't you mean number?

I'm not Michael Fassbender.

Her name is Tara,

and it's not fake.

I shouted it,

and she flinched.

Maude: Everyone,

let's gather back up.

So, we have some new faces.

Would anyone care to share

why they're here?

Oh, us?

Nah. We're good.

Not so good that it's weird

that we're here.

She's really the one

with all the problems.

I mean, I can think of

some problems.

I lost my calculator,

and I cannot deal,

and, you know,

my younger sister

is just so much

cooler than me.

I cry in my sleep

and don't know it.

[ Whispering ]

Seriously?

Just a ginormous mess.

Wow.

Thank you for sharing.

I validate your feelings,

but you are great

just the way you are,

and we are thrilled

that you're here.

Really? [ Chuckles ]

That's so nice.

**

I'll take my touch

before I share,

if that's okay.

[ Laughter,

indistinct conversations ]

Jimmy.

[ Rhythmic drums ]

Jimmy.

Jimmy!

[ Drums stop ]

I said, did you see last night's

"World's Best Garbage Fights"?

Bet it looks pretty sweet

on that new screen.

Yeah, yeah.

I saw it.

Yeah, it's like the trash

is in the room with you.

[ Sighs ] I missed it.

Which episode was it?

I said I saw it, Rod!

Break's over!

[ Accordion plays sour note ]

Oh, hey, Dylan, about

the whole teen group thing --

I was thinking if I wore

softer, more inviting clothes

I'd get more touches.

Can you tell

this is Mom's?

No.

Ray, about the group,

they seemed to get

a lot from it.

I don't feel right

taking advantage of them.

That's very noble

of you, Dylan.

Ooh, that puts your wardrobe

on the table.

Whatcha got

soft-pants-wise?

You're not listening.

It's over.

You're not

going back, either.

The heck I'm not.

I don't know where you

suddenly got a conscience,

but this is working.

I'm going back.

I don't expect you to get it,

Ray,

but I'm strong,

and it's my job

to look out for the weak.

It's over.

Look out for me.

I'm wearing Mom's sweater

so some girl

will touch my arm.

What could be more weak?

Oh, thanks for coming over,

Corey.

No, thank you.

I'm grateful to have

as much time

with my mentor

as possible.

I already did everything

you told me to last time.

I know. Very cool,

very cool. Yeah.

Uh, but, now if you could

just undo it all.

Wait, what?

Tell Owen that JJ's

not a comedian

and don't manufacture

victories for him.

So don't bribe kids to

come to his party?

No.

They'll come on their own.

And the ones that don't,

you don't want them anyway.

We'll be there.

I guess you're right.

I mean, the whole

"write a letter

and pretend to be FDR" thing

was obviously dumb.

Owen saw through it

right away.

"Bra-freaking-vo."

[ Slowly clapping ]

But everything else?

No, just no lies.

And I shouldn't tell him

that the Lakers

want to come to his party

but they all got sick?

It was real when it happened

to you, actually.

**

Maude: Let's take a seat.

[ Quietly ] I told you not

to come back here, Ray.

[ Quietly ] You came

here to stop me?

Let's go.

I'm staying.

I am this close to finding out

Tara's last name.

Whoa, I forgot to think of

something to share.

Uh, uh, disease,

parents' divorce,

motorcycle accident --

I'm on fire.

Maybe I was on fire...

Okay, who'd like

to kick us off?

You found it.

Which piece should

I rip off first?

I'll see you in

upside-down 7-7-3-4.

My parents got a divorce

because of my disease,

and I have

a motorcycle --

Liar!

His parents

are not divorced,

he can barely ride

a bicycle,

and the only reason he came here

was to meet you girls --

who, please explain to me why --

are truly all hot --

Her parents aren't dead.

I've seen them,

and they are beautiful.

Please go,

and don't come back.

[ Door clicks ]

And a lot of them came from

the same modelling school.

What school?

What schooooool?!

[ Loud music plays ]

Sounds like

a rocking party.

Omar, get over here.

Bring the crew.

Thanks for coming!

Are we early?

Where is everyone?

It started an hour ago.

Nobody came.

This is a huge disaster.

Why are you blasting music?

So Owen won't notice

there's nobody here.

What do I do? Owen's gonna

see this at some point.

Do you mean

he's not here yet?

Well, great.

That means we've got time.

Not really.

Oh...no.

Owen: Okay, who's ready

for some comedy?

Drum roll please!

[ Imitating drum roll ]

Sure is a good thing

we were honest.

Omar, dude, turn around.

Unbelievable.

I was surrounded

by a group of beautiful girls

giving me a sh*t,

and you had to ruin it.

I ruin it.

I told you not

to go back there.

Look, you've done a lot to me

over the years, Dylan.

I've had

a lot of ice cream cones

slapped out of my hands,

been lured into

a lot of pits,

but to follow me there

just to sabotage me --

I didn't go there for you!

I went for me!

I wanted to talk about

my feelings.

You have feelings?

Yeah, they started coming in

about a year ago.

I hate it.

Everything is changing.

I'm fresh out of baby teeth,

and I feel stuff.

I could've really used

that group, Ray.

I wanted to have one of

those breakthrough things,

but you took that from me.

And you couldn't even wait

until the pizza came!

I'm starving!

Owen: And now the act

you've been waiting for!

Owen, with

musical guest, Sia!

I never promised

a musical guest.

I have no idea

where he got that.

[ Cardboard clanking ]

-Hurray!

-Yay!

Where is everyone?

Kenneth: "It's just us.

I'm sorry.

But it's not all bad.

I came."

But you don't go

to my school.

[ Exhales deeply ]

"But I am

a famous comedian."

You're a famous comedian?

But I've never

heard of you.

How is that possible?

"That's what I'm saying.

It's all possible."

But, like,

this specifically.

Say one of your jokes.

"No."

H-His -- His jokes are

a bit dirty for kids.

Nah, go ahead.

He's heard everything.

This makes no sense.

What should I do?

Should I turn off

the Cajun music?

I mean, I don't -- I mean,

yes, but I don't know.

Huh? Think you're better

than me, Big TV?

I think I really

messed up with Dylan.

Is there a one-sentence

explanation

for what's happening here?

[ Chuckles ]

Big TV thinks

it's better than me,

so I'm proving I'm better

by doing push-ups,

which Big TV can't do

because

it doesn't have arms!

Dad, do you ever seek out

the help of others

to work through

your issues?

Nah, I'm good.

Dylan,

I'm taking you back.

You know, Dr. Phil says

no one can make you

feel inferior

without your permission.

Dr. Phil.

Ah.

I remember him

from Old TV.

You're right.

I lost the second

I tried to compete

with Big TV.

Now it's time

to take back control.

Sounds like a good idea.

Uh, maybe just

bring it back.

Yeah, that seems

more reasonable.

Okay.

Maude: You're back.

She is.

Please let her stay.

I was the one pushing the lies,

and I'm leaving.

I'm not even gonna

ask out Tara before I go.

I mean, I wouldn't

have said yes.

Doesn't matter.

The point is,

I respect the group.

Okay,

but I wouldn't have.

Guess we'll never know.

[ Inhales deeply ]

Dylan could really use this.

What do you say?

I appreciate your honesty,

but given what's happened,

I think it would be best

if you found support

elsewhere.

I hope I can.

It was just nice to see

that someone cared enough

to listen.

I guess being a sibling of

someone with a disability

makes me feel like

my problems don't matter.

Whoa!

Breakthrough!

Well, you two take care.

Also, I'm the youngest,

so two people have already

gone through

whatever

I'm dealing with.

It's not important,

but it is.

It's mine.

All right! Two!

[ Laughs ]

Okay, then.

Of course you matter.

You're the baby.

Imagine being the middle.

I'm never the priority.

So I cook up romantic schemes

because I don't think

I deserve love just being me.

Whoa. I didn't even want one.

Cool!

I really need to ask you

to leave.

Yeah.

I think I'm good.

You, Ray?

Totally.

Yeah, I'm comfortable changing

emotional gears abruptly

due to my chaotic upbringing.

Bam! Breakthrough!

Thank you.

We're also kind of

obsessed with

having the last word.

Having the last word.

[ Gasps ]

Breakthrough jinx!

Breakthrough jinx!

Well, we just wanted

to say goodbye.

We've done enough.

This party really seems like

it's about to pop off.

Sure.

"I'm not a mentor,

and I have nothing

wise to say,

but you seem like

a good kid.

I think things

will get better."

So, now you're not

a comedian,

you're a fortune teller.

Listen, bub, he didn't even

want to be a mentor --

I'm cool. I'm cool.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Will things get better?

"They did for me.

I made real friends.

I'm graduating,

going to college,

and I'm making films,

which is my passion."

Why lie?

The real stuff is so good.

We raised him right.

You just got here.

Can I call you sometime?

"I'm not great

on the phone,

but yeah,

let's get together."

Can I not call you, ever?

Yeah, I'd like that.

**

I guess this is it,

Big TV.

You might be right

for someone,

but [sighs] you're

not right for me.

[ Rhythmic drums ]

No.

Old TV does not have

9 HDMI ports.

Dad.

[ Drums stop ]

Yeah. Sorry.

Sorry.

Thank you.

You know, it was --

it was such a nice box.

There will be other boxes.

Come on.

Free TV?

Wow!

I'm gonna have to rearrange

my whole living room

for this baby.

[ Rhythmic drums ]