03x17 - S-P-- SPECIAL B-- BOY T-I-- TIME

[bunniefuu]

Well, that took longer than I thought.

Sorry, bud.

The Lafayette Gazette is running

a piece on girls' basketball,

and they wanted Coach Kenneth's take.

You don't know any Phil
Jackson quotes, do you?

Hopefully, no one else will either.

"I've been waiting for 20 minutes."

What? Oh, is someone not
happy with their service?

Wait. Is this because I
haven't fixed the headrest yet?

I ordered the part!

You don't know I didn't.

Hey, babe. Why are you still here?

"Ask Phil Jackson."

His Highness is feeling
that he's not my sole focus,

but he has my full attention.

I don't even notice, for example,

that my power forward is in
the back without her seat belt.

Thanks, Olivia.

We're gonna get yogurt.
I'll text you later, JJ.

All right. Take care.

Oh. Hello, Melanie.

Um, bye, JJ.

"Bye."

"I love you."

Yeah? Kind of early for that, no?

R...

"Car."

Y-O-U-R.

Your c... Your car.

Your car!

He said he loves your car!!

Hey, just a heads-up.

I've got someone coming
here to study tomorrow.

Ooh, is it a boy?

- Yeah.
- Wait, really?

Yeah. There's a hot new kid in my class.

He got kicked out of his last school.

He sounds like trouble.

I know, right?

Dylan's bringing home a boy.

Already?

I mean, I knew this day was coming,

but I figured by that
time, I'd be threatening.

You know, jacked, with a bigbeard
and a scary dad handshake.

Andhe's a bad boy?

What? Do I cut an apple with a Kn*fe?

- Do we have a shotgun?
- We own a Shop-Vac.

That thing's loud.

Oh, hey, darling. Thanks so much

for your help with my
bank-loan application.

I sent it in with some creative
interpretation of collateral.

I'm talking to you, "Banksy original."

Oh, yeah? I'll leave you alone now.

What's wrong, darling?
Did Saturn blow up?

Today's the anniversary for the time

you said you were gonna
take me to a water park

for Special Boy Time,

but then something came
up and we didn't go.

Huh. I didn't know it
meant so much to you.

It's too late to make up for it now.

And, in a sense, there
were water slides that day.

"Ray's Cheeks. Must
be this sad to ride."

A word, Ray?

Hey! Stop pulling on it!

The doctor said you gave me long ear!

He loves your car!

He said he loves your car!

Hey, Izzy.

Slight miscommunication.

JJ was saying, "I love your car."

The "I love you" was mybad.

Oh. Okay.

Uh, that seemed... big.

Huge.

Okay.

Uh, we're cool.

Bye!

"That was my first 'I love you.'"

I understand.

I'm sorry.

"I don't throw it
around, like some people."

Is this about my multiple marriages?

You know I'm sensitive about that.

"What are you notsensitive about?"

Is this about me being
sensitiveabout everything?

You know I'm sensitive about that.

It was an honest mistake.

"And you've been making
a lot of them lately.

You and I need to have a conversation."

Did you talk to my second ex-wife?

You're starting to sound a lot like her.

And you don't have
the ass to pull it off.

What are you doing kicking up drama?

Mom's a great lady.

I'm sorry. I'm just up...

...to no good.

Ooh.

I reallyhated that.

I don't care about Special Boy Time.

Here's how it works.

I guilt Mom about something
that happened 10 years ago.

She wants to make it up to me now,

but she doesn't want to take a day

to bring me to a water park,
so I get something else.

That's actually pretty good.

Hello, private SAT tutor.

You had to go and Ray it up.

I've been guilting Mom about
Special Boy Time for years,

all to get other stuff.

She has no clue.

This kid has been guilting
me about Special Boy Time

for years to get other stuff!

I am sick of it!

How does it even work on you?

Ah, it used to be cute.

You know, thisis a special boy.

Thisis a needy man.

What is that even doing in here?

Did he put it over our wedding photo?

I don't know, but I am done with it.

Son, I am gonna crush you.

I'm glad you came to me, JJ.

A relationship with
an aide can be tricky.

Sometimes, you need a forum
to air your grievances.

Do Ineed to sit in the damned forum?

How long have you guys been together?

- Three years.
- Three years?!

And how many aides have
you had before this?

- "None."
- None?!

Do you say everythingthat way?

Everything?!

Guys!

It's not meant to be a long-term gig.

Sometimes, you need to make a change.

"It's not like that."

And your loud insensitivity aside,

JJ is leaving for college in six months,

and I'll be moving on then.

You are kind of
crowding the forum, dude.

- Take a page out of Randy's book.
- Randy?

Randy!

Reveal yourself!

Hi, I'm Randall.

That's right.

He hates being called "Randy."

Randy, meet the guys.

Dude, whatever. Have your little talk.

But you don't know how
good you have it with me.

Wait six months. You'll see.

"Maybe we should see now."

Oh, Randy. You just slid
right in there, didn't you?

You shouldsee! Take Randy for the day.

"Works for me.

Take the day off."

Today? You want to give
me this day off, right now?

Okay.

Today is my day off, dummy!

Oh, darling.

I feel so guilty,

I couldn't sleep at all last night.

Ugh. That's the last thing I wanted.

Darn it!

There's got to be some
way of making it up to you.

We can find a way. We must.

Let's go to a water park.

Let's brainstorm and come
up with several ideas.

No, darling. You've reallywanted to go.

So pick a day, and let's go.

A water park sounds great, Mother.

Why don't we go today?

Music to my ears.

Which, unlike yours,

don't instantly become
infected when submerged.

Music to my... hair.

Which, unlike yours, doesn't
get this big when wet.

I'll be waiting in the car.

I'm looking forward to it.

I'm looking five-ward to it.

I'm looking five-ward...

three it.

Hi. I'm Kai, here to see Dylan.

Hey, Kai.

I'm Dylan's dad.

Come on in.

Please.

So, Kai, is it?

What are your intentions
with my daughter?

Dad!

Let's go study.

Okay.

You guys go study.

I will be right here...

the whole time.

Aha!

Okay, okay, is this about the banana?

Look, we were out of apples.

What are you doing?
You're ruining everything!

I am intimidating him.

You bring a bad boy into my house,

I'm gonna show him my vacuum.

Look, this kid is trouble, and
I am going to check him out.

Fine! Do it while also
showing him you're normal.

I can do that.

Yeah. Head back in the game.

Those were not there a minute ago!

What is going on?!

No, I'm good. I'm good.

"Just a note to say...

I still love your friend's car."

"Inside joke. Funny story."

No need. It's your business.

Um, I just need a stamp.

I actually have a couple on me. Um...

American flag or Gregory Hines?

"No stamps.

We'll chase down Izzy's friend's car

and toss it in.

It'll be fun.

Let's"... P-R... "practice."

This is from JJ.

"More energy. Toss it."

Got it.

Um... this is from JJ.

I'm not really into capers.

"Fine.

How about we go see a movie
about a caper instead?"

Now I'm excited.

Here we are, in the parking lot.

Last chance not to
enter Great Wolf Lodge.

Here we are, in the lobby.

Last chance to not go
into the water park itself.

Here we are, at the
entrance to the water park.

The real and final...

...incontrovertible point of no return!

- Why are you making me do this?!
- What is wrong with you?!

- Just give up!
- Fine! Let's go!

Okie-dokie. Have fun!

No! We don't want this!

Tell me what you were
trying to squeeze out of me!

A private SAT tutor!

Nerd alerrrrrrrrrrrrt!

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

That was awesome!

- Again!
- Out of my way!

- Out of my special boy's way!
- Yeah!

So, Kai,

you were gonna tell me about yourself.

Uh, you're not gonna vacuum me?

No, no, no.

Nothing to worry about
there. I'm normal.

Do you smell weed, Kai?

- No.
- How do you know?

Hey, is that a Martin?

Uh, yeah.

Why? Do you... Do you play?

I'm kidding. You don't have to...

We'll get to your
intentions in a moment.

In the meantime, key change?

Oops.

Guess I don't like movies
about capers, either.

Huh?

What?

"You followed me here?"

You?

I followed The Rock here.

Hey, what is this?

Oh.

It's for Izzy, huh?

Ooh!

This is some good stuff here.

You know what you should do?

You should track her down

and then throw it in her friend's car.

Hmm?

"Say good night"... R-A... "Randy."

Good night, Randy!

Shhhhh!

Good night.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ah!

I am reborn!

I am a special boy!

Oh, hey, Dylan.

Your dad's awesome!

Kai wants to hang out
with you more than menow!

You're ruining everything again!

How can I ruin everything twice?

Things either stayed ruined

or I fixed them and
then ruined them again.

I at least would like
some credit for the middle!

- Denied!
- You asked me to fix it. I did.

He was actually starting
to open up to me.

Kai Haskins was opening up to you?

- Yes.
- New plan.

Go back in there and pump Kai

for info I can use to make him like me.

Okay.

I'll catch you at my next screw-up.

3... 2... 1.

- Aaaaaaaah!
- Oh!

Oh, my God!

Did we just see someone die?

Where'd they go?

Are they in Hell now?

I've always dreamed

of being old enough
to ride the Wolf Tail.

Now I'm too old and finally ready.

Don't worry, my special boy.
I'll be right here with you.

15... 14...

Stop! I'm not ready!

Oh! Hello?

- Mom?
- Yeah, just a second.

I'll go somewhere a bit quieter.

Mom? No, stop the ride!

My emotional support person is gone!

Come back! I can't do this witho...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Some day apart, huh?

"I found that being
together took the edge off."

Couldn't make it one day.

We couldn't make it one day.

What are we gonna do next year, buddy?

I call that one "They
Love Me Till They Know Me."

They... are fools.

One second.

Wow.

I don't think I've
ever met a soul so deep,

and I once pumped gas
next to Jewel. I...

Kai? Deep?

No.

No, is... is dumb. Is pretty.

Is dumb.

But... you... you like him.

I mean, his face,

not the nonsense that comes out of it.

Plus, all three queen
bees in my class like him.

I get Kai,

the entire social fabric
of the grade collapses.

Chaos!

But Kai's heart is like
a brittle sand dollar.

He says so in one of his songs.

I-I guess my question is,

what are your intentions with Kai?

What are yourintentions with Kai?

First, you weirdly try to protect me.

Now you're veryweirdly
trying to protect Kai.

Who are you?

Who are you?

"Dad, don't be weird.

Dad, don't be his friend.

Dad, don't keep him from being
a pawn in my sick social game."

Uh...

I'm gonna peace. Later, Dylan.

Mr. D.

See, now I have ruined everything.

Okay, well, thank you. Bye!

Sorry, love. It was the bank
about my loan application.

How was it?

What do you think, Mom?

It was the Wolf Tail.

It tossed me around and laughed at me

as my life flashed before my eyes.

And you know what I saw?

The abyss within!

So pretty good, sounds like.

Oh, darling, come on.
Let's go get some lunch.

Have fun. I'm going thisway.

Would you prefer to go thatway?

Yes!

We'll find this kid.

Lucky for you, your dad
has spent half of his life

looking for decent guitar players.

Tell me what to do. I
don't know how to help you.

I don't think I know
how to help me, either.

I wanted you to be there,
and then I wanted you gone.

I wanted him to like you, then I didn't.

I-I want everything and nothing,

and I want to be able
to yell at you about it!

I can handle that.

What?

But, Dad, I'm being so unreasonable.

Look, we're obviously
entering a new phase here,

and it's gonna be
weird, but that's cool.

Weird is good.

Weird is us.

Forget Kai.

Let's go get milkshakes?

See, that makes sense to me.

Awesome.

This really cute guy,
Henry, works there,

and I want to hang out with him.

Don't ruin it.

I mean, you will.

Ah, but we get to find out how.

Ray, darling, where are you?

You're making Mummy very nervous!

Excuse me. Did you lose your child?

Yes! Thank you! My Ray.

He's about yea high, 16 years old.

He's very good-looking.

In fact, you're his type.

Come and stand here, and
I'm quite sure he'll appear.

Boom. Done. Less than a minute.

Bet me you could do it faster.

Cough it up... 11
gabillion killion dollars.

Ray, darling, I'm sorry I hurt you.

To be honest, I'm
quite surprised I could.

You didn't exactly come here to bond.

I didn't think you'd be fun.

Well, it was a work
call. You understand.

No, I get it. It's just...

JJ always has gotten
a lot more attention,

and it was nice to have a bigger piece.

Now that he's gone to
do his own thing, and...

I just hope that work
doesn't become the new JJ.

Oh, darling.

You know that is the
most honest and direct

you've been about what you want since...

- Ever?
- I mean, maybe even before that.

Yeah, well, the Wolf
Tail changes a person.

I love you so much.

But you know what? I
also really likeyou, Ray.

Work or no, I'm gonna make time.

You know, for your good andfor mine.

And if you don't, I will ask for it.

You're right.

I should stop hinting and playing games

- to get what I want.
- Yes, love.

But, just to be clear,

we're here because you
were alsoplaying games.

Yeah, but you're the only one

that has a chance of changing.

Hey, buddy. I, um...

I-I figured out what we need to do.

"Me too.

When I go to college, wherever that is,

I want you to come."

Oh.

Well, I'd watch that movie.

You and me in the big city?

We meet up with some gruff cab driver

who teaches us all about...

being gruff.

"Is your plan not my thing?"

JJ, as much as I'd love to
stick with you forever...

...I signed up to help
you through high school.

We did it.

It's time.

But I'm not gonna
leave you high and dry.

Next year's gonna be
full of changes for you.

You shouldn't have to deal
with splitting with me, too.

I'm gonna ease you in.

We're gonna help you find
the... the best aide out there.

Second-best.

"Kenneth?"

What, bro?

"I love you."

Well, I love...

your car.

Please welcome our
honorary King of the Wolves,

Ray DiMeo!

And his mom, the woman who
invented honorary wolf royalty

15 minutes ago and made us all do this,

Maya DiMeo!

Is it okay if other people dance, too?

Eh, in a second.

How about now?

You know, on second thought, no.