04x06 - Artemis Through the Looking-Glass

[bunniefuu]

Training with Dad?

Yeah.

[Young Jade] So...
nothing's changed since I left.

Why are you here, Jade?

Why am I here, Artemis?

I know, I know. Mom warned,

I shouldn't make contact
unless it was an emergency...

Life-threatening emergency for Lian!

And only because Will's not a match

for her blood or tissue type.

I already told her Lian is safe
and asleep upstairs.

So you'd better have
a damn good reason for...

Will could be home any minute,

so unless you want to see him,

maybe we should take
this conversation elsewhere.

Or I could just leave,

which likewise solves the problem.

[exhales] Fine, fine.

I have two defectors
from the League of Shadows

seeking asylum.

Each one claims the other
is a plant, a mole.

I need your help to sort it all out.

You know I left the Shadows years ago.

Couldn't help if I wanted to.

And I don't want to.

[Artemis] The Shadows tracked me here.

Here, the house
where your daughter lives.

[sighs]

What do you need?

[theme music playing]

[knocks on door]

[computer] Recognized...
Robin-D-one-two...

[Wonder Girl] Hurricane Amy just
doubled in size and keeps growing.

Flash flooding in Florida,
stranded citizens...

- We suspect Weather Wizard.
- Or global warming.

The Outsiders are headed into the storm.

[both] You coming?

Uh, I'm still really javelin-lagged

after the trip back from Mars.

I... I wouldn't be much help right now.

Think I'm just gonna crash
for a few hours.

Crash?

Um... crash.

You can handle this, right?

Uh, sure.

We gotcha covered!

Thanks.

He's been sleeping a lot, hasn't he?

Yeah.

Come on. Mission time.

[Looker] I telepathically read them.

They both seem sincere.

Is it possible
both are telling the truth

to the best of their knowledge?

Anything's possible. That's the problem.

Orphan says the Shadows are
trained to thwart psychic readings.

You think that's happening here?

[sighs] I'm no Miss Martian.

I can't be sure.

Is there anyone else you can call?

Why are you here, Jade?

It's been a while.

Thought I'd check up on you.

[sighs]

I've hit a rough patch.

Thought you could
raid the fridge for me.

[Lawrence] No. She can't.

You thought you could
make it on your own, little girl.

- I can.
- Then prove it.

Fine. If you're gonna
get all angry about it,

I'll just go.

You know, you're not
the only one who's angry.

We're all mad here...

Mad as hatters.

[sighs]

So, obviously, the beast and I

are out for our nightly jog.

You, on the other hand,
are just sitting alone...

in the park... at night.

That's, uh... odd, right?

Not at all.

It's the ideal spot for my meeting

with an international assassin.

Ooh, is he a handsome
international assassin?

What makes you think it's a "he"?

Strangely, I'm even more jealous now.

[Artemis chuckles]

You have nothing to be jealous of.

I hate to interrupt this tender scene...

[Holly barks]

Aren't you going to introduce us?

Uh, of course.

- Holly, meet my sister, Jade.
- [Holly growls]

I think she might have meant me.

[sighs]

Sister Jade, this is Jason Bard,

my uh... boyfriend.

Wow! I'm your boyfriend?

That's the first time
you've said that out loud.

Calm down before I take it back.

The boyfriend, huh?

- Let's see... dog lover?
- Check.

- Ex-m*llitary?
- Check.

College professor?

Erm... W-Working on that.

I'm a private detective now.

Ooh, a private d*ck.

[clears throat]

So, how'd you meet?

My, um, ex fixed us up

when she dumped me for [inhales] her ex,

and I moved to Star City
from Gotham to get my degree.

Artemis always got
my hand-me-downs, too.

Okay, that's enough.

She really is an assassin.

Escape while you can.

And your little dog, too.

- [Holly growling]
- Bye, girlfriend. And girlfriend's sister.

- Run!
- [Jason] Running!

I like him.

- I'm happy for you.
- Thanks.

I know it's been hard since...

It just goes to show...

second chances are possible.

[Artemis] What did you learn?

[Jade] My sources
all have the same intel.

The Savage kid's on the run
and being hunted.

Meanwhile, no one's
even heard of this Onyx.

In my business, that means
you're either a nobody or a ghost.

A nobody's never making it
off Santa Prisca alive.

And a ghost...

you don't want anything
to do with one of those.

Well, Looker read
both defectors psychically

and sensed no deception
from either of them.

But Orphan tells me Shadows are trained

to thwart psychic reads.

Who's this Orphan?

She's on my team.

She's a kid, but she escaped the Shadows

and has Batman's seal of approval.

[scoffs] And if the Bat says she's cool,

- you're just supposed to...
- Yes.

Well, she's right about Shadow training.

Don't suppose you'd be willing
to just k*ll them both.

That would solve your problem.

Fine. Fine. Get me in with them.

I know what questions to ask...

and what responses to look for.

[Black Spider] Closing in on target now.

[Lady Shiva] Remember,
we want Cassandra alive.

[Black Spider] Oh,
she'll be a special delivery!

Handled with care.

As for whatever other packages
might be on the porch...

[Lady Shiva] Do whatever
damage is necessary.

But bring Cassandra back.

[Black Spider] Roger that, boss.

[siren wailing in distance]

[thuds]

[fluttering]

[Young Jade] Wasn't sure you'd
remember our little meet-up code.

"Mad as hatters"?
Of course I remember! [chuckles]

Plus your weird love of these
freeze-dried Chicken Whizees.

Blech! I'm happy to give you those

and whatever else I could scrounge.

Thanks, sis.

It's called "Soh Dah" in Vietnamese.

The English title's Dumb Luck.

Thought you might like it.

You stole this, didn't you?

Like you didn't steal this?

You're family. It's not stealing.

Not sure Crusher would agree.

When's he gonna be back?

He said hours.

No worries.
I'll come back tomorrow night

with enough money for you to restock.

- Promise?
- Of course.

We're all mad as hatters here.

[computer] Recognized...
Tigress-B-zero-seven.

Okay, Spoiler, I'm here to relieve...

Yeah, I came for my shift
to relieve her,

but she wouldn't leave.

- Any problems?
- No.

They've been quiet.

Good. You're relieved.

You can go. You can both go.

You coming?

Orphan, really, I've got this covered.

[sighs] Good luck.

[computer] Recognized...
Spoiler-B-two-eight.

Orphan, go.

Or I'll call Batman.

Fine.

Just don't tell anyone
what you see here tonight.

[computer] Bypass authorized.

[doors hissing]

Put the sword away.

I know you probably learned

all about Cheshire from the Bats.

But she is my sister,

and another defector from the Shadows.

[Cheshire] [chuckles]
It's like an epidemic.

She's here to help. We can trust her.

- More or less.
- [sighs] I need her...

for the mission.

[dramatic music playing]

[sighs]

As part of his ever-expanding
multimedia campaign,

King Brion of Markovia

released yet another video statement

across social media today.

[Brion] If you are a meta-human...

feeling persecuted, unsafe,

unwanted...

then I welcome you here.

Markovia welcomes you here...

with open arms and sanctuary.

[Tod] King Brion's open border
meta-human policies

have caused unrest within his country.

Hundreds of frightened non-meta
citizens are fleeing Markovia.

Faced with the resulting
refugee crisis at her border,

Queen Perdita of Vlatava
had this to say...

- [Cheshire] First question...
- You're Jade Nguyen!

Cheshire! The one who got away!

[Cheshire] Yeah, yeah, you've
been trained to k*ll me on sight.

[Onyx] No!

I mean, yes, but...

you're the one who gave me hope...

hope I could escape!

Screw hope. Let's get to it.

I know who Savage is.

But who are you, Onyx Adams?

How'd you end up a Shadow?

Or let me guess...

broken parents, broken home?

[Onyx] I think that's your story.

I was raised by my maternal grandfather.

And he was a hero.

Will Everett, the Amazing Man.

I'm supposed to know who that is?

Yeah, well... [exhales]

I was recruited into the Shadows

at age by Sensei.

Sensei? Sensei himself?

He promised he could train me

to be the best version of myself.

And for a while, I believed him...

Why did you leave the Shadows?

It's not just the Shadows.

It's the Light.

It's everything my father touches.

Because he k*lled your sister?

Because he took your arm?

Because he's without anything

resembling human emotion and feeling.

He took me from my mother
when I was four.

He told me she was dead.

Then shortly after he k*lled
my sister Olympia, who raised me...

I learned my mother was alive and well.

She had a husband,
and two more children,

my half-brother and sister...

Vandal cheated me out of my childhood,

my family,

so he could turn me into his puppet...

his one-armed puppet...

for his little cult of personality.

It was good at first...

on Infinity Island.

We were like a family.

It was tough love...

Still, I felt like
I was part of something.

But when the Shadows
moved to Santa Prisca...

When the Great One and Sensei were
replaced by Deathstroke and Lady Shiva,

I realized I was just being used

as little more than a w*apon.

Why Tigress? How did you find her?

Shiva sent Manta Troopers out
a few weeks ago.

That's how we knew Tigress was leading

the Justice League's covert unit.

That felt right.

Like she was the one
I should reach out to.

Besides, she's Sportsmaster's daughter.

I thought she'd understand.

How? Are you kidding?

She still goes by Artemis Crock.

It took me
three minutes on the internet.

Wait. You've gotta believe...

The other one says
you're a plant, a mole.

Meanwhile, your body
language underscores

all you say all too perfectly...

textbook counter
interrogation tradecraft.

You've used every Shadow trick
in the book to deceive me.

I don't trust you.

[sighs]

Look, I've been a Shadow since I was .

I don't know how not to
manipulate my responses.

But I swear to you I want to learn.

I just want to learn
how to be a human being again.

And I should trust you?

I came here for protection.

I mean, I understand,
your sister called you in

because it takes a Shadow
to know a Shadow.

But, [scoffs] really,
why are you even here?

Are you one of the heroes now?

They're either telling the truth,

or they're both very good.

I still say our best bet
is to k*ll them both.

We're not k*lling anyone.

Then my job's done.

You need to get better
at covering your tracks

if you're going to live in the
same house as my daughter...

Or maybe Lian needs both
Crock sisters living in that house.

[Tigress] You know,
just to keep her safe.

[sad music plays]

[music ends]

[sad music plays again]

[Cheshire] If you're
not going to k*ll them,

you'll just have to trust your gut.

I hate to admit it,

but no one's got better instincts.

[sword clinks]

[Tigress] How the hell...

[suspenseful music playing]

[Black Spider] Aww, now why'd ol' Rictus

have to break up that tender scene?

I was so enjoying seein'
Cheshire's softer side.

- [metal clanks]
- This is as soft as I get.

[Tigress] Orphan, Cheshire!
Take down Black Spider!

Alive!

Ah!

Rictus.

Do you really believe
you have what it takes

to bring down
the daughter of Vandal Savage?

[gasping]

[Rictus] Shh.

No need for words.

Leave the banter to the Spider.

[Black Spider]
Don't ya just love my balls?

Hot, sticky web balls! Comin' at you.

Someone's overcompensating.

Tigress, what are you doing?

Trusting my gut!

Come on out!

Grab your gear!

You need to help me protect Cassandra!

Are you crazy? She's the mole.

You want to prove yourself?

Back me up!

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

Freeze!

Ah!

[Black Spider] Yoink!

I remember when the only thing

more disarming than my webs...

was your disarming smile, Chesh.

[Cheshire groans]

[Black Spider] Now you just look sad.

Ah-ah-ah.

Hasn't anyone ever told you
not to play with g*ns?

Hasn't anyone told you?

Duh... Oh-oh.

Ah!

[grunts] Ow!

Finally remember why I was your boss?

What I remember
is how you betrayed us all.

For a guy. Cliche much?

[grunting]

[computer] Not recognized.
Access denied.

[chuckling]

Well, crap.

The legendary Crock sisters
working together.

Quite the family reunion
we have here today.

Lady Shiva. Let Orphan go.

No.

Since you refuse
to surrender what's mine,

I'm taking what's yours.

If you want this "hero" back alive,

you'll bring that...

to Santa Prisca.

Leave your metas, your team
and the various bats at home...

or this "Orphan" dies.

Uh-uh.

I mean it.

[whooshing]

You have hours.

[groans]

Damn it!

Take me back to Santa Prisca.

- Look, you don't have to...
- I didn't come here

to trade someone else's life for mine.

That's something my father would do.

I still think
this is some kind of setup.

She can't be trusted.

So if she's going, you'll need
someone to watch your back.

Or you want to come along
to s*ab us in the backs.

Enough. You're both coming.

You can't be serious.

Don't take these two, take your team!

You heard Shiva.

I can't risk Orphan's life.

Orphan? You mean Lady Shiva's daughter?

What?

Oh, the Bat didn't tell you
that part, did he?

Listen, when I was a Shadow,

Shiva was raising her own daughter

to be the ultimate assassin,
the ultimate w*apon.

She wouldn't teach her to read...

even had the girl's vocal
chords severed as an infant...

so that her only language
would be body language...

the language of Shadows, of death.

I recognized those scars
on Orphan's throat.

She is Cassandra Wu-San,

Shiva's daughter.

No wonder Shiva and my father
get along so well.

All the more reason
to get Orphan back safely.

Please. Shiva was bluffing
to lure you to Santa Prisca.

She won't k*ll her own daughter.

Can you be sure?

My father m*rder*d my sister.

Those people can justify anything.

Bad as Crusher was,

I never worried he'd k*ll one of us...

Can you promise me
Shiva won't k*ll Orphan?

I never thought I'd go back.

But I'm still in.

So am I.

Then we're going.

And I could use your help.

Forget it.

You're all mad as hatters, here.

Let me out. Now.

[computer] Bypass authorized.

[hydraulics hissing]

- [young Artemis] Promise?
- [young Jade] Of course.

We're all mad as hatters here.

[pigeon wings flutter]

[door creaks open]

You gave Jade all our food.

Then you'll be training
on an empty stomach.

And training hard.

Follow me.

We'll work on
your boxing skills tonight.

One-armed boxing.

[Lawrence] Artemis!

[computer] Recognized,
Halo. B-Three-One.

[Halo] Good morning.

Ready for my guard duty shift... [gasps]

Santa Prisca,

here we come...

[sad music playing]

[Artemis] The unicorn
looked dreamily at Alice

and said,

"Talk child."

Alice could not help her lips
curling up into a smile as she began,

"Do you know, I always thought

unicorns were fabulous monsters, too!

I never saw one alive before!"

"Well, now that
we have seen each other,"

said the unicorn,

"if you'll believe in me,
I'll believe in you.

Is that a bargain?"

Lewis Carroll.

Through the Looking-Glass
and What Alice Found There.

[Kraig sadly chirping]