02x09 - Love and Basketball

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

Hey, dude,
your shoe's untied.

-So, what?
-So, you'll trip.

No, dude, it's just an urban myth.
Everybody says it...

Now I get it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS)

Dude, those are the coolest sneaks
I've ever seen.

You see that guy's shoes?

TWITTY:
Oh, yeah, yeah, the Quazees.

Man, everybody's got those.

Is that what they're called. Quazees?

We got to get some.

Forget it, dude.
I've been trying for three weeks.

Every store's sold out.

We missed the boat on the whole
Quazee thing.

Our ship has sailed, man.

We're stuck on the island
with the Professor and Mary Ann.

Sorry, little buddy.

What's up?

What...?

How did... how did Tom
and Angela Wolf hook up?

-Oh, Quazees.
-Yeah.

So I was thinking--

Ren, how could we get
more stores and companies

to buy ads in our paper?

And then, I hit a great idea.

That's so great, Ren.

Congratulations.

Why don't you let me
tell the plan first

and then you can give me
congratulations?

Another great idea.

What do you think about...

a pizza party for all
the local merchants

who have supported us
in the past?

Huh? Doesn't that sound cool?

Uh, Ren, I may have another
idea, if that's okay.

Really?

Well...

that sounds great, Ruby.
I mean, in the interest of

democratic procedure
and all fairness...

If you guys really want to have fun
and raise money,

how about we put on
a fashion show at the mall?

(ALL GASP)

A fashion show?

Well, gee, that sounds
really complicated.

I mean, we need
clothes and models.

I already checked it out.

I have six different
clothing stores at the mall

willing to donate stuff.

Everything from beachwear
to formal wear

and nothing tacky
or cheesy, of course

and they're all willing to donate
ten percent of anything they sell.

And here's the fun part:
we get to wear the clothes.

Who wants to be
a supermodel?

Wait a second, guys.

You know, this really does
sound fun, Ruby,

but it also sounds
very time-consuming

and our main responsibility

is to get the paper out
every Monday.

I know.

We can get the paper out
after we're supermodels.

And if there's still time,
we could eat pizza.

(SCREAMS)

Now, where'd you get
the shoes, Tom?

Yeah, nobody can
get those shoes.

(SIGHING)
Well... I'm not really proud of this.

I... I got them from
a rather shady character.

Oh, yeah?
Keep talking, Tom.

Hey, enough of that.

Alright, I'm going to write
down his name

and phone number, but...

you can't say
you got it from me, all right?

Uh-huh.

LOUIS:
Have a good day, Tom.

-"Scabby."
-"Scabby."

-You should let me talk to this guy.
-Shh.

-Uh, Scabby?
-Yeah.

Yeah, are you the guy
with the Quazees?

Don't talk.

Is this a secure line?

Uh... I... I think so.

I mean, I'm in a phone booth...

Didn't I just say don't talk?

Well, but then how am I
supposed to answer...?

Yes or no.

You know where
the South Creek Mall is?

-Yes.
-We do.

Yes.

No.

Well, once, but I didn't
know it was wrong.

Hey, ask him if
he's got the ones

-with the red Q's on the side...
-Shh!

Fine, fine, fine.

No, that's just my friend.

Yeah, his name...

his name is, uh...

Pancho?

No. Frenchie Von Richter.

-Frenchie Von Richter.
-His name's Frenchie.

Von Richter.

Yeah, yeah, he'll
be coming with me.

Uh, yeah, about ...

We'll be there.

My name? My name is...

Lars... Lars...

My name is Lars.
Lars. Yeah.

Lars.

Lars, uh...

Lars Honeytoast.

Yeah, Honeytoast. Yeah.

Yeah, okay, see ya.

Honeytoast, huh?

-Good job, bro.
-It's what I had for breakfast.

RUBY:
And... one and two

and you're so gorgeous.

Three and four,
don't hit the floor.

Five and six,
and work those hips.

Seven and eight...
that was great.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Ren! You're here!
So, what do you think?

Well, it looks like you guys
did a lot of work

but none of it for the newspaper,
like we all agreed.

Well, actually,
we all kind of decided

we should, uh, skip this week's paper
because of the fashion show.

I'm sorry, I'm...

I'm the editor in chief,
and I didn't authorize that.

Come on, Ren, is it really that big
a deal if you miss one issue?

We have not missed an issue
since I have been editor.

Well!

It sounds to me
like you're against this

because it wasn't your idea.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

That's ridiculous...

'cause I just want the paper
to come out, and that's all.

I mean...

You know what?
If you guys think

that this fashion show
is more important

that's fine.

'Cause I'll do the paper myself.

Which I'll do...

if that's how you really feel.

Fine.

Here I go.

Off I go, alone...

to do the paper myself.

I'm more than happy...

more than happy.

LOUIS:
Do you realize this could be

the afternoon that changes
our lives?

TWITTY: Why, 'cause we're getting
new shoes?

Cause we're getting
the shoes-- Quazees--

the shoes that say,
"You see these guys

wearing me? They're cool."

Whoa! Hey, are you saying
we weren't cool before, man?

No, that's not what I'm saying.
Of course, we were cool be...

But now, it's official. Now everyone
knows, man. It's out in the open.

People don't have to waste time
getting to know us. They look at our feet.

Hey, wait a second.

Scabby told us to go
through the side door

and meet him in the basement.

Is there a basement here?

I didn't even know.

You watch for people.
I'm going to get the door.

Okay.

No, you watch for people.

Twitty?

Twitty? Twitty?

Is it this way?

Here's the elevator,
here it is.

Hey, but why does this...
why does this Scabby guy say

we have to come in
the basement anyways?

-Huh?
-Maybe he's allergic to sunlight.

Did he mention anything
about sucking our blood?

No!

Come on, man.

-Come on.
-No, you go.

Yeah, it's not as...
not that bad.

How-- How bad do we really
want these shoes?

What?

Well, we can't just walk
out of here, you know?

We got to stay four, five minutes, right?
That's reasonable.

-Yeah.
-We got to wait...

-(PIERCING CREAK)
-(SCREAMING)

Do you think it's been
five minutes yet?

What? I... Oh, at least, right?

MAN:
Hey!

Hey!

You guys, uh,
Frenchie and Honeytoast?

Yeah, Fr-- Frenchie
and Honeytoast.

That's us, that's...

Sorry, I got confused

'cause our friends
call us Lars and, um...

-Von Richter.
-Von Richter.

-TWITTY: Yeah.
-I see.

You guys aren't, uh...

wired...

-What?
-Are you?

No, I don't even
know you, man.

(LAUGHS)
Sorry, Tickles. I'm sorry.

Hey, just a precaution.

I'd do this to
my own mother.

Relax.

Yeah.

Hey, can I ask
you a question?

Why do people
call you "Scabby?"

You don't want to know.

-You know what? You're right.
-I don't...

I've lost interest in the question.
I'm sorry.

-I don't...
-Okay!

You got the money?

You got the shoes?

Yeah, yeah, you,
you g-- got the shoes?

-Got the shoes?
-Got the shoes?

Okay.

Here's how it's going down.

My associate works upstairs
at Sneaker Circus.

Now, as far as
the public is concerned,

they're all sold out of Quazees.

But...

he's got a secret stash

that he sells only to me.

-Okay.
-Primo.

But...

I have to go up there alone

so that the other customers
don't see.

Otherwise, it turns into
a whole big scene, right?

Right, yeah, we don't want...
we don't want a scene.

-Especially a whole big one.
-Yeah...

Guys, good, good!

We're not so different, huh?
You're old pros at this, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, guys, have a seat.

-I'll take your piggy.
-Oh.

Oh!

You know,
you really scared me

during the beginning.

Money.

Right. Right. Yeah.
Right, we got it. It's, it's...

We got that stuff, too.

Yeah, it's all here.
You can just, you can count that.

I'll be right back.

(GIGGLES)

LOUIS:
Hey, hey!

If you could, could you get me
the ones with the red "Q's?"

Y-- Yeah, could get me ones
with the blue? The blue "Q's?"

You got it.

(LAUGHING)

LOUIS:
All right.

That guy...

Wait, wait, wait.
He didn't ask us our sizes.

Oh, no, that's cool, man.

He could probably tell just
by looking at us, you know?

-You think?
-Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I mean he probably
does this all the time, right?

Yeah.

That guy's not
coming back, is he?

No, I seriously doubt that.

REN: (TYPING)
The Lady Wombats

beats the Bakersfield Bullfrogs

to eight to...
what, what is that?

Is that a "one"?
Is that a sent--

What is that? What...?

(SIGHS)

All right, it's going to be a "one."

That's what it's going to be.
It's going to be a "one."

That's fine. Print.

What are you doing?
That's my sports page.

You cannot do that.
Please, don't do that. No...

Hey!

Hey.

How's it going?

Going great.
Couldn't be better.

Hey, I was just on my way
to the fashion show, and I...

Oh, really? Great.

I really hope
you have a great time.

'Cause I can't make it.
You know, I have a paper to write.

(GRINDING AND SPUTTERING)

I know you didn't get your way
on this thing

but it'd be nice if you came
to the fashion show

and showed your support.

I mean, lighten up a little.

Lighten up?

Ha! Lighten up?

That's great.

You know what?

This paper doesn't mean
anything to you.

But it happens to
mean a lot to me.

At least I stick
to my commitments.

Well, so do I.

My column.

(SIGHS)

You know, Louis, this probably
isn't a burn, man.

You know, you know, I say

Scabby is in Sneaker Circus
right now

you know, just negotiating
the finer points of our deal.

Yeah, well, maybe if
his name was Honest Bob

but his name is Scabby.

You know, Lou, not everybody's
out to rip us off, okay?

Hmm.

He ripped us off.

(GROANS)

"Out of business."
No, he probably just put that up

'cause he doesn't want us
to come by his office.

You know why?
This is his office.

Yeah.

What do we tell the kids?

And they all want their shoes,
and you didn't come.

This is not fair.

TWITTY:
We know you're in there, Scabby.

-I'll get him.
-(POUNDING)

-Hello!
-Oh.

You guys have reading problems?

No, actually,
I'm right on grade level.

Although I did have a little trouble
with comprehension.

LOUIS:
No, no, he's...

you're talking about the sign.
He's talking about the sign, man.

Oh, yeah, I can read that.

Good, 'cause I got
a report yesterday

about somebody running
a sneaker scam up here.

That is exactly
why we're here.

Okay, that's it,
up against the wall.

What? I'm just...

Not like that.
Assume the position.

Turn around, you clowns,
and spread 'em.

Okay.

I can't believe this.
The second time today it's hap...

(CACKLES)

It tickles. I'm sorry.

I'm not enjoying this.
I'm doing my job.

I-- I know, I'm not either.

Bye, Jennifer.

Jennifer, hope
you feel better. Bye.

You'll be the most gorgeous
patient there.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Bye. Hope you feel
better, bye.

Okay, people, okay,
people, don't panic.

Jennifer's going to be all right.

She just has an upset stomach.

But now we have no one to model
the evening gown.

I'm trying to find
somebody else.

I can do it.

Yeah, if you grow nine inches
in the next two minutes.

I'm just trying to help,
because Jennifer got sick.

Girls, calm down, okay?

I'm not going to let
a bad tuna wrap

ruin the show.

Jennifer had a tuna wrap?

No wonder she got sick.

We had tuna wraps!

Oh, my gosh.

Boys, boys, all right,

stop fighting
over the blue sweater.

One of you will wear red.
It'll be fine, okay?

Ruby, I think
I'm going to barf.

-Me, too.
-I-- I can't do this.

(SIGHS)

Hey! How's it going?

Great, just great.

Uh, how's
the paper coming?

It's going great.

It's going to be
a smaller issue.

You know, it's just going to be
a gossip column, but...

thank you for that.

It's okay.

So, I guess the,
uh, fashion show

was a better idea
after all, huh?

No, it's a disaster.

I-- I'm dying here, Ren.
I-- I can't do this.

I'm an idea person,
not an organizer.

Oh, come here.
It's okay, I'm here.

-Look, what happened?
-Jennifer got sick,

and now Carla and Marla
are nauseous.

The twins are fighting
over red sweaters

and blue sweaters, and I have no one
to wear the evening gown.

What is this? Oh, my...!

Oh! Stop!

Mosh, Stosh, up!

Red, blue. Go.

Carla, Marla, you guys are not sick,
Jennifer's allergic to cilantro.

We're not dying!

Thanks to Ren!

All right, now what's the deal
with the evening gown?

Well, actually,
it's just your size.

Oh, really?

LOUIS:
Oh, there's Scabby.

That's the guy
who ripped us off.

Like I'm going to fall
for that one.

-Look, a diversion.
-Where?

Oh!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to Lawrence Junior High's

first annual Fashion
Extravaganza.

I'd like to thank all
the merchants who contributed

to these fabulous fashions.

Don't I look gorgeous?

TWITTY:
In here, let's find a disguise.

(TECHNO SONG PLAYS)

(APPLAUSE)

(WHISTLING)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

-What are you guys doing here?
-Um, what?

We're just trying to blend in.

Blend in?!

Just act natural.

Turn, turn, turn.

(APPLAUSE)

Turn!

-Ren?
-Yes.

Okay, what are you doing here?

What? The security guard thinks
we're the troublemakers.

Gee, I wonder why!

(YELLS)

(GASPING)

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you.

There he is.

Hold it, Scabby!
Yeah, got him.

We've got some
unfinished business.

-That's right.
-Hey, who are you guys?

-Frenchie and Honeytoast.
-Yeah.

Undercover mall security,

as you can see
in this picture.

We've been tracking you
for awhile, buddy.

Now, you go over there
and assume the position.

Go ahead, we don't have
time to play games.

Come on. Now, frisk him,
Honeytoast.

You frisk him, Frenchie, yeah,
that's your job.

You're right,
it's my... my job.

Very ni... very nice.

Come on, turn around.
Un-- Unassume it.

Now, we want the Quazee money
for, uh, evidence, right?

TWITTY: Yeah.

Hey, no problem.

Hey!

Maybe we can, uh,
work something out.

What do you guys need?
We got, uh...

sponges, cat food, hmm?

Fanny packs.

We got designer jeans...

marionettes.

I don't see
any Quazees in there.

All right, I'm sold out
of Quazees.

No offense, but you guys sounded
like a couple of suckers.

I figured I'd take your money
and run.

Well, you didn't run
fast enough, bucko.

Grab him, Boyd.

Him, Boyd.

No, Boyd, I really didn't... Him.

-Yeah, he's the real criminal.
-Yeah, Boyd.

GUARD:
I'll bag the evidence.

Hey, how'd you guys
get up here so fast?

It's the sneakers.

Oh. Where'd you get those?

Got them up in Chico.
They just got them in this weekend.

-Chico!
-Chico!

LOUIS:
So, how do you feel, man?

TWITTY:
Quite cool.

And you?

-Couldn't be cooler.
-Yeah.

Oh, hey, Tom.

What's happening?

Oh, well, not your shoes,
that's for sure.

Wait, maybe you
haven't noticed

but we're
wearing Quazees.

Yeah.

Well, maybe you guys
haven't noticed

but nobody wears
Quazees anymore.

"Midnights" are
all the rage now.

(SCOFFS)

Well...

Oh, man, n-- now
we're going to have to go

get those Midnights
and then we're going

to have to go to the mall
and buy them.

No, no, we are not going
to follow the trend anymore.

We are going to be
the guys that set the trends.

-Yours on the right eye?
-Yeah.

Let's go.

(GROANS)

Hey! What's happening?
All right!