01x03 - Starstruck

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- Who is that?
- An interesting development.

I'm Kathryn Janeway,
your training advisor.

I'm a hologram based on one
of the most decorated captains

in Starfleet history,

programmed to assist
the "Protostar's" crew

on their journey back
to Federation space.

Ugh. She's hideous.

Why is her forehead so smooth?
Ugh!

You're no summer peach
either, Tellarite.

[laughs]
Jankom Pog likes her!

What's a Freder...
Fred Erasion?

What Starfleet crew
doesn't know the Federation?

Where's your captain?

Right here!
I am the captain.

And I order you to return us

- to Tars Lamora...
- We'll have to forgive her.

She's delirious. Her brain's
sick with space... flu.

- I'm in command of this ship.
- [gasps]

- Uh...
- Huh?

Quite a vote of confidence.

I'm only here to offer advice

and maintain the "Protostar's"
lower-level functions.

Everything else is up to your crew.

But I believe there is something

you aren't being truthful about.

Uh... [chuckles]
I can explain.

- Huh?
- You see...

It's obvious
you're Starfleet cadets.

No uniforms, no clue.

I can spot greenhorns
a parsec away.

- Greenhorns?
- Yes! We are cadets.

Can you remind us what the
Federation does again? [chuckles]

For my crew. Not me.

The United Federation of Planets.

An interstellar union of
different worlds and species,

with shared principles
of universal liberty,

rights, and equality.

Equality?
That sounds nice.

Starfleet is the Federation's
representatives

for deep space exploration,

on a mission to maintain
peace and freedom,

to explore strange new worlds,
to seek out new civilizations.

To boldly go where no one
has gone before.

Ha! This Federation biz sounds,
uh, actually pretty good.

Is such a collective possible?

It is.
Shall I help you plot a course?

- No!
- ALL: No?

[laughing] Okay.

Well, were we listening
to the same pitch just now?

I like to boldly go.
Or at least I think I do.

I sense an aversion in Dal,

but I cannot clearly read his mind.

Perhaps if I get
a little closer... oh.

Read it clearly now. I will
not be probing any further.

We don't need her help.
We can plot our own course.

Which way is Federation space?

Here, in the Alpha
and Beta Quadrants.

Then we want to go
all the way over...

[gasps] This place.

I must caution you, that
little red dot represents a...

Just tell us how
to get there, Holo-nanny.

You're the captain.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[huffs]
He's not the captain.

Hey, Janeway,
does this ship have a brig?

She said starboard side.

But which side is that?

Dal, why are we lying
about being cadets?

The kid's not wrong. We just
kidnapped the boss' daughter.

We're floating blindly
through space

in a ship we don't know
how to fly.

- This is bad.
- The Federation could give us

adequate protection
from the Diviner's tyranny.

[groans]
Are you all crazy?

- Did the oxygen levels drop in here?
- Oxygen level's optimal.

Let me tell you how
the galaxy really works.

- This oughta be good.
- The Federation?

It's just another name
for someone else in charge.

Yeah,
Janeway sings a nice song,

but I can tell you from experience,
people in authority lie.

They try to sell you
the good life,

but it's a good life for them,
not us.

Besides, how much protection
are they gonna give

to a bunch of fugitives
who roll up in their stolen ship?

Take it from me, if it sounds
too good to be true, it is.

You're in charge.
Do you lie to us?

- Yes. He lies all the time.
- [laughs]

But I lie for us.

Don't think of it as lying to her,

think of it as playing pretend.
[chuckles]

This used to be a Federation ship,
but now, it's our ship.

And as long as we control it,
we're in charge.

Dal has a way with words.

Listen to them
at your own peril.

Don't listen to her.
She's got space madness.

You mean space flu.

[chitters]

[chuckling]
Hey, Murf found starboard.

C'mon Zero,
let's take her to the brig.

- Uh, it's okay, kid.
- What do we do now?

You heard the cap.
It's our ship.

Let's see what she's got to offer.

Disappointing.

I dunno, this is one of
the nicer prisons I've been in.

I meant Gwyn's mind.

Her resistance to my telepathy
must be inherited.

I had hoped to gain an insight
into why her father desires

to obtain this ship.
It's quite the mystery.

I don't need to read her mind
to know

she's picturing herself
blasting me out of an airlock.

That sound about right?

Wow.
Didn't we just do this?

Oh that's right... but last time
I was in there,

and you were out here.
[chuckles]

Wait, is this soundproof?
Can she hear us?

- You're an imbecile.
- Well, there's your answer.

My father will come for me.

No matter how far you try
to run, he'll hunt you down

and make all of you pay
for taking his daughter.

[sputters] What's a guy
in a t*nk gonna do?

Swim at me?
[laughs]

You laugh, yet your mind
is reeling with pure terror.

[laughs]
Good one, Zero! Let's go.

[soft suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

All I have to do... is wait.

♪ ♪

What is the status of the riots?

We have regained control of "The
Unwanted" with minimal losses.

Minimal?
[grunts]

♪ ♪

Losing the "Protostar"
and my daughter is not minimal!

Agreed. Shall "The Unwanted"
continue to extract chimerium?

Yes. Exhaust them so they're
too tired to rise up again.

And I'll need every speck
of chimerium for trade

to get my ship back!

Prepare the "REV- "!

[groans] What sort of
mess hall has no mess to eat?

I'm starving.

If you need sustenance, Cadets,

the food replicator
uses matter conversion

to create any meal
you dare dream up.

Uh, Jankom's
a little light on credit.

As a cadet, you should know
the Federation has moved

past traditional currency.
It's free.

What? Blood truffle biscuits,
sweet radish pie,

and don't skimp
on the sour gravy!

Oh!
Come to Poggy!

[eating very loudly]

Go on, Rok! Try it out!
What's your favorite food?

I don't know.
I'll just have what you got.

Dream big, Kid. You should
order whatever you want.

[eating very loudly]

Nutri-Goop? That slop they
fed us back in the mines?

- Why?
- It's the only food I've ever had.

I appreciate a gal
who knows what she likes.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Check out the bunk room!
Looks cozy.

I suppose communal sleeping quarters

could accelerate team bonding.

♪ ♪

Uh.

[squeaks]

Ah, Murf, you've settled in.

I look forward to sharing
this experience with you...

from over here.

Perhaps we could be
bunk mates, Dal.

Dal?

♪ ♪

Huh?

Whoa!
Look at the Captain's quarters!

Oh man! Whoo!
[laughing]

[screams into pillow]

Ugh.
This bed is kinda lumpy.

I mean, it's kinda lonely in here,

and I mean come on,
who needs all this view?

Curse of being a captain, I guess.

I can still read your mind.

How 'bout now?

♪ ♪

[scoffs]
Back to mock me, girl?

[sighs]

♪ ♪

For so many years,
you watched them take us...

how they treated us...

why didn't you stop them?

My father told me... I thought
you were criminals.

We're not criminals.

The only crime we ever
committed was getting caught.

♪ ♪

[metallic clanging]

Jankom's just checking
under the hood.

This shiny girl has two
warp cores! [chuckles]

Just one'll take us to warp nine,

if it don't break us
into a bajillion pieces!

If those are the warp cores,
what is this?

Huh?
Jankom Pog has no idea.

Red alert. Red alert.
Red alert. [alarm blaring]

Didn't touch anything!
Wasn't me!

No, that wasn't you, Jankom.

There seems to be
a bigger problem.

[dramatic music]

Relax, I'm sure this is just
a routine systems check.

- Pull it up on screen.
- Oh, that does not look routine.

- It's beautiful.
- What exactly am I looking at?

Your course has led us
into a binary system

where the gravitational pull
of an orbiting white dwarf

is in the final moments
of tearing apart a red giant.

A dying star.

What a rare and exciting way
to meet our doom!

This right here is why
we shouldn't be in space!

For the record,
I tried to caution you.

Perhaps you'd like my help
to change course, Captain?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
I see what you're doing.

But this is my ship.
I control it. Be gone.

[sighs]

- "Your" ship?
- I said "our." Didn't I?

You just couldn't hear it
over all this noise.

Zero, get us out of here!

Attempting to change course.

[engines sputtering]

Okay. Appears like we're
still heading straight into it.

Why aren't we
changing course, Z?

It's not me. We are falling into
the dwarf star's gravity well.

- Then warp us out of here.
- Okay.

Doing what you told me to do.

Just a friendly reminder:

using a warp drive
inside a gravity well

may result in unpredictable
and dangerous side effects.

Right, I knew that!

I meant divert all the power
to the impulse engines!

[stammers]
So many buttons!

If you divert all power,
you'd be deactivating...

Victory for Jankom Pog!
Oh wait, where'd the lady go?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Huh?

♪ ♪

Hmph.

Even at full impulse power,
the star's gravity

is so strong,
we are being pulled into it.

I've never been
inside a star before!

Dal, I really think we need Janeway.

We need to be faster...
uh, lighter.

Ditch all non-essential cargo!

Why are you looking at me?
Jankom Pog is essential.

- That's debatable.
- [groans]

I mean, dump everything
not bolted down!

[dramatic orchestral music]

[soft suspenseful music]

Ejecting escape pod .

Ejecting escape pod .

Ejecting escape pod .

Please tell me there are
more escape pods onboard.

There are no more
escape pods onboard.

Qu'vatlh.

Would you like
the vehicle replicator

to create a shuttlecraft?

What's a vehicle replicator?

The "Protostar's" vehicle replicator,

located in the shuttle bay,

designed to quickly create
any means of transport...

Yes!
Make a shuttlecraft now!

Vehicle replicator activated.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [alarm chimes]
- Are we under att*ck?

Easy! Jankom doesn't
like gettin' jostled!

It seems diverting power

- deactivated our shields,
- What?

leaving us vulnerable
to space debris.

[groans]
This just keeps getting better.

[alarm chimes]

[gasps]
Where's our prisoner?

Again, it seems diverting power

- included the brig's containment field.
- Rok! Find Gwyn!

I... I don't want to.
I want off this ship!

- I don't have time to argue, Rok!
- Fine!

You're the muscle, kid.

Ain't any of us doing any better.

Divert power from impulse
and get us back our shields.

And brig!

I can't. Something else
is draining power.

- A vehicle replicator?
- A what?

Shuttle % complete.

There you are.

- I don't wanna hurt you.
- Listen to me.

We're all going to die
if we don't get out of here.

Why should I listen to you?
You never helped us!

You're a bad lady!
[snarls]

Shuttle % complete.

You're angry. I get that.

But I was only doing
what I was told.

- Just like you're doing now.
- [snarling]

- Get back here!
- Shuttle % complete.

♪ ♪

Shuttle % complete.

[growls]
Hey!

♪ ♪

Shuttle % complete.

♪ ♪

Shuttle % complete.

♪ ♪

Blast shield constructed.
Shuttle % complete.

♪ ♪

Disable...

artificial...

gravity!

Disabling artificial gravity.

Whoa, whoa!

Shuttle % complete.

[grunting]

For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

[dramatic music]

- Oh, no.
- And now, we're floating.

Okay, we can handle this.

[groans]

At least ask Janeway to turn
on the air conditioning!

Unless you all want roasted Pog
for dinner.

Murf, got any fantastic
last-minute heroics?

[trilling contentedly]

I believe Murf is eating a chair.

♪ ♪

- We're going down!
- Captain, we need you now.

If you don't act now, we'll die.

[overlapping chatter]
[alarms chiming]

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

Janeway! [sighs]
I need your help.

You know how to keep
a lady waiting.

How do I get my feet
on the ground?

All you had to do was ask.

Alright, cadets, let's get to work.

Huh?

Stabilize the inertial dampeners

to restore the artificial gravity.

And where's that?

The controls are on
the operations console.

- Ah, found it.
- A bit to the left.

Your other left.
That's the one.

Artificial gravity restored.

[both yelp]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

I am not going to let you
have this again.

- I got the prisoner!
- That's great, kid.

We've still got problems up here.

Zero, you should have enough
juice for the shields now.

♪ ♪

Shields are at %,
but dropping with every hit.

The Protostar's equipped with
a sufficient tactical array.

Why not use it to even the odds?

Ooh, Jankom Pog
gets to blow stuff up?

Technically it's auto-targeting,

but you get to push the button.

♪ ♪

Okay, she's back in the brig.

Oh, my gosh,
what is that river of fire?

Trillions of tons
of white-hot ionized gas

- about to explode.
- That sounds worse.

- What's the call, Captain?
- I don't know.

We've done
everything you've said,

and we're still fighting to get out.

That's it!
What if we stop fighting

and ride the shock wave?
Let it propel us free?

- Bingo.
- You were reading my mind.

Now that is another lie.

Uh, full impulse into the river of fire.

And do what Zero said.
Ready on my mark! Now!

♪ ♪

Whoo!

♪ ♪

[squeaks frightfully]

♪ ♪

[muffled cheering]

[laughter and chatter]

We did it! Whoo!
We did it! We survived!

Thank you.
You saved our lives.

I only nudged you all
in the right direction.

- You did the rest.
- Yes.

I guess I did know
when to ask for help,

which is what a natural-born
captain would do.

- You're welcome!
- [squeaky groan]

- Nobody thanked you!
- Of course he takes credit.

[sighs]
We're goners.

[soft dramatic music]

I must say, when
the Federation first formed,

it wasn't pretty.

A collection of species,

entirely unfamiliar to each other,

different languages,
different cultures,

but with one shared
aspiration... to be better.

[swelling orchestral music]

I've seen my share
of wayward crews

and I can tell you this...
you've got potential.

♪ ♪

- Huh?
- Oh!

Now that we're still alive,

how about you teach us cadets
some other things?

Like turning left or right,
for example.

That would've been helpful.

We've only just begun.

♪ ♪

I have tracked the
Protostar's" warp signature.

Take me to that ship!

[tense orchestral music]

♪ ♪

[rumbling]

♪ ♪

Chimerium Cloak activated.

♪ ♪

I am coming for you, my progeny.