01x06 - Be Prepared

Episode transcripts for the 2021 TV show "The Wonder Years". Aired: September 22,2021 - present.*
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Coming-of-age story of a 12-year-old Black boy in Montgomery, Ala., in the late 1960s.
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01x06 - Be Prepared

Post by bunniefuu »

ADULT DEAN: Growing up in the ' s,
I was surrounded by


images of the ideal
middle-class, suburban life,


and I wanted nothing more than to have

my own big, fat slice
of that American pie.


♪♪

Can you blame me?

Those smiling white people
made happiness and prosperity


look so damn appealing.

It only seemed fair... if other families

got to have these cool,
middle-class experiences,


who said mine couldn't, too?

Hey, Dad. Can we go to the beach?

Sharks.

My dad. That's who.

Hey, Dad, can we rent
a cabin in the woods?

Bears.

Hey, Dad, can we get a dog?

Fleas.

But I was not going to
give up that easily.


I was on a mission
to find my own version


of the suburban middle-class dream,

one my dad couldn't possibly say no to.

And I got this one for archery,

and this one was for canoeing.

- What's that one for?
- Camping.

We went on this super cool trip
to the state park.

We didn't shower or brush
our teeth for two whole days.

- Cool!
- Whoa!

Yeah. And I chopped down a tree
with a hatchet by myself.

[Chuckling] Oh, man.

The Dixie Scouts. Of course!
It had everything...


the great outdoors, terrible hygiene,

and the unsupervised use
of a lethal w*apon.


Couldn't get more
all-American than that.


Hey, Brad. Cool uniform.

And it appears the ladies love
a man in uniform.


That clinched it.

Is my sink done leaking?

Yep.

[Groans]

Third time's the charm.

- I think you mean the fifth.
- [Door closes]

Hey, Dad.

Can I join my friend Brad's
Dixie Scout troop?

The Dixie Scouts?

So you want to join the white troop?

Or as I call them, the junior Klan.

No, but, Dad, it's not like that.

Brad's father is the Scoutmaster.

I'm sorry, did you say Scoutmaster?

The man in charge is called "master"?

Listen to yourself, son.

But, Dad, all my other friends
are doing it.

Yeah, your white friends.
I'm not letting you

join in with those East Montgomery boys.

Well, what's the harm in it, Bill?

Well, for starters, I don't like

how the white Scouts
stole all their rituals

from African tribal rites of passage.

My dad was of the opinion
that if there was


something of value in American culture,

it was definitely stolen
from Black people.


["Ed Sullivan Show" playing]

Elvis Presley? Ha!

Everything he does,
Big Mama Thornton did first...

except better.

Coca-Cola? [Scoffs] Please.

They'd be nowhere if Africans hadn't

domesticated the kola nut. [Chuckles]

Santa Claus?

You know the real Saint Nicholas
was a black Moor.

Are you sure about that, Bill?

I thought the Scouts

got their rituals from
the Native Americans.

And where do you think they got it from?

I shouldn't have been surprised
that my Dad


didn't want me joining Brad's troop.

Like a lot of men from his generation,

he didn't think we needed
to mix with white people


to have a better life.

But that didn't change the fact
that I really wanted this.


Lucky for me, my mom was there
to save the day.


Well, you want to be a Scout,

you can join the troop
your brother belonged to.

That's right.
We got a perfectly good troop

right in our own neighborhood...
a Black troop.

I forgot all about it.

[Chuckles] Yeah, I'm not surprised.

You were on the road
with your band back then,

and I used to take Bruce
to all his meetings.

Well, I'm here now,

so I'll take Dean, get him signed up.

You don't have to worry
your pretty little head about a thing.

Ask for Deacon Loren at the church.

He's the troop leader.

Right.

Now you don't have to worry
about one little thing.

[Water dripping]

Let's go, Dean.

[Door opens]

♪ Oh, oh, oh and I know ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Through the highs and the lows ♪

♪ I'mma find my way home ♪

Sorry, men. Troop is no more.

- BILL: How come?
- We had to shut it down

when the older boys got drafted
to Vietnam to fight.

Guess I did too good a job
teaching those boys

how to run through the woods
and sh**t. [Chuckles]

Well, my friend Cory

and a few others
would like to be Scouts.

Maybe we could start it up again?

No, not with me.

I'm too old to be sleeping
out there on that hard ground,

and eating all of those
weenies and beans out of a can

gave me the gout.

Well, son, we tried.

- Dad, you could do it!
- Wait, what?

Yeah, you could be the Scoutmast...

Scout leader.

You already know a lot about it,

like how the Scouts stole
all their ideas from Africa.

Is that so, Bill?

I didn't know that,

and I was a Scout for years.

True, I'm acquainted with the history,

but you know how busy I am
with the college and the band.

Don't worry. You'll figure it out.

You're good at everything.

Welcome to the Scouts, Bill. [Chuckles]



Look, Ma.

Bruce's old uniform fits like a glove.

Well, it fit about as well
as Bruce's old baseball glove,


which I had to attach
to my arm with duct tape


to keep from falling off.

Mm, it looks good,

but it's gonna look even better
after I take it in.

- Or cut it in half.
- [Chuckles]

Can't wait to fill
this baby up with merit badges.

So which one should we do first, Dad?

"We"?

Yeah, Dad's taking over as troop leader.

- You?
- Yeah, me.

Where are you gonna find
the time to run a Scout troop?

Well, I thought maybe

you could help me out
with the paperwork...

and making snacks...

and maybe lead a few meetings
if I have band practice.

Where am I gonna find the time
for you to run a Scout troop?

Looks like somebody's
not getting her Kissing badge.

Dad's gonna be a great leader.

He's smart. He can figure out anything.

Oh, you're right about that.

Your dad is the smartest man I ever met.

And what I don't know

is all explained right here in the book.

I couldn't wait for
my first troop meeting,


and we had a great turnout.

My dad had a full slate
of activities planned.


You all ready to get these merit badges?

- ALL: Yes!
- Let's have some fun.



Keep stacking that wood, son.



How's that leak coming?

Just need to put in
the washer, Mr. Williams.

Excellent.

You're one step closer
to getting that Plumbing badge.

I finished trimming the bushes.

Good work, Norman.

Now clear the weeds
out of that flower bed

and you'll have yourself
a Gardening badge.

[Door opens]

- Oh, man.
- [Door closes]

We are never getting

the stinky-boy smell out of this house.

Bill, why is there a young man

painting our front door?

He's working hard to earn
his Home Repairs merit badge.

You sure he's not just

checking items off your Chore Chart?

Ooh, is there a Laundry badge?

'Cause I don't feel like
doing my chores, either.

Lillian, merit badges...

"Encourage boys
to try out new activities

that may result in new skills."

I'm sure that is not

what these little boys signed up for.

Yeah, Dean said we'd go out
camping and canoeing,

not digging up other folks' weeds.

Whoa. [Chuckling] Whoa, whoa.

Looks like somebody doesn't want
his Good Citizen badge.

[Door opens, closes]

COACH LONG: Hey, Bill.

Come to get Cory. How's it going?

Ah, you know.
Just over here, men being men.

- All right, now.
- [Both laugh]

What's up, Dad? Hey, Mr. Williams,

I'm almost done baking those cookies.

Now, I remembered not to use walnuts,

'cause you said it makes
your tummy hurt, right?

You know what, Cory?

I'm just gonna go ahead
and give you that Cooking badge.

And First Aid, too. You could
have just saved my life.

- Congratulations, son.
- Thank you.

Hey, Bill.

These boys need to be
outside, in nature...

hiking, fishing,
sleeping under the stars

like I did when I was a Scout.

ALL: Yeah!

Hey, Dad, you could take us camping.

Well, I wouldn't want to
step on Bill's toes,

but if you need my help...
or rather, my expertise...

DEAN: He doesn't.

He can take us, right, Dad?

Of course, son.

[Laughs] Bill Williams.

What you know about camping?

It's just like going on the road
with my band,

except more marshmallows,

but if you want to
spend time with your boy,

I guess it'd be okay if you came along

as my assistant.

Well, I... I see it
as a co-leader situation.

Ah, let's not get hung up on titles.

We're doing this for the boys, right?

Of course. Titles are just words.

Just words.

Like, uh... "Eagle Scout."

" / Cherokee."

Just words.



Just words.



Spending a weekend in the woods
with a bunch of -year-olds


was definitely not
my dad's idea of a good time,


but there was no way he was
gonna let Coach Long show him up.


So before our trip,

he broke the bank at
the sporting goods store.


- The man came to play.
- Uh, Bill?

What... What... What you doing
with all that stuff?

Now, you know I could survive for a week

with just a Kn*fe, a canteen,

and two sticks to rub together.

Well, you enjoy your sticks.

I believe that if
you're gonna do something,

you should do it in style.

This tent had all
the bells and whistles...


literally, it had a bell.

Not sure why. Maybe to scare away bears.

Anyway, it was amazing, and I
couldn't wait to put it up.


I think we put A-
where C- should go,

- and where's B- ?
- Be cool.

It's just letters and numbers.

We'll figure it out.

Y'all still working on that, huh?

Now, don't you worry, Bill.

If it rains, you can put
that pretty box over your head.

[Chuckles] Yeah, well...

if you hear a bear
in the middle of the night,

don't come running to ring my bell.

[No sound]

It's at a frequency only bears can hear.

Yeah, bears don't work like that.

Who wants to go chop some firewood up?

- ALL: Me!
- Come on, y'all.



I'll stay and help with the tent.

Thank you, son.

I refuse to believe
that this grinning idiot

is smarter than me.

[Chuckles]



I think that's supposed to
be a skylight.

Well, it's a door now.

Hey, Dean. You won't believe it, man.

We were chopping down trees, right?

And a copperhead
came up from under the log!

Then Mr. Long cut it in half
with the hatchet!

But, listen, the head
was still wiggling.

Then a hawk flew down, grabbed it,

and carried it away.

If it wasn't for my dad,

we'd all be dead from that snake.

And Norman would have been
carried off by the hawk.

[Chuckles]

Well, uh, the boys
are exaggerating a bit,

but, uh, I did work up an appetite

saving all these lives.

[Laughs] You know,
some of y'all start a fire.

And the rest of y'all,
sharpen up some sticks

so we can roast some hot dogs. Come on.

Actually, I know you
told me to get hot dogs,

but I did a lot better than that.

Freeze-dried beef stroganoff.

What you feeding us?

Beanies and weenies would have
been a whole lot easier.

Cliff, this is the food of the future.

The salesman told me
this is what the astronauts use.

All we got to do is add hot water

and we'll be eating like kings.





Come on, guys.

If you close your eyes,

it's just like eating at
a fancy restaurant in...

whatever country
beef stroganoff comes from.

In that moment, all I could think about

was what my mom and sister were
having for dinner back home.


Ooh. [Laughs]

Mama, no.

I couldn't possibly have one more piece

of Dean's favorite cornbread.

Not after I ate two helpings

- of Dean's favorite short ribs!
- [Laughs]

Girl, well, I hope you saved some room

for a big piece of coconut cake.

Mmm!

It's Dean's favorite.

[Both laugh]

[Playing "Reveille"]

At : a.m., Dad decided to wake us up

with a Scout bugle call that he told us

was a tradition stolen from the
Matabele warriors of Zimbabwe.


[Clattering]

["Reveille" continues]

All right, men, grab your notebooks,

'cause I want you to explore the area

and identify native plants

so you can earn your Nature badges.


- Oh, man.
- Oh, man.

Or I saw on the map
there's a crystal-clear lake

with a swimming dock
not too far from here.

Who wants to get their Hiking
badge and their Swimming badge?

ALL: Yeah!

Okay, now we're talking.





Walking sticks? Seriously?

That salesman clearly
worked on commission.


Hey, you sure you know
where you're going?

We're almost there.

Let me see.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We been off this map at least a mile.

Impossible.

My lensatic compass tells me
the lake is just up ahead.

Well, my / Cherokee blood

tells me it's back that way.

Are you still spewing that BS
about being part Indian?

I didn't believe you in third grade

when you made it rain,
and I don't believe you now.

Let's go, son.

[Birds chirping]

Almost there.

You said that minutes ago.

Look, I don't care
about the lake anymore.

Can we please just
go back to the campsite?

[Breathing heavily]

Fine. Uh, let me see here.

Admit it... you're lost!

You have no idea where we are.

[Laughter]

I know exactly where we are.

[Indistinct conversations]

- See ya, Lisa.
- Bye.

- All right.
- Good meeting you, Sharon.

NORMAN: Dean, where you been, man?

We ran into these Pixie Scouts,

- and they were really nice.
- Yeah.

CORY: One of them didn't have
nobody to talk to,

so I told her about you.

She wanted to meet you.

She was wearing a two-piece. [Chuckles]

All right, it's getting late, men.

Let's go ahead and head
back to the campsite.

But I didn't get a chance to swim!

I don't think I've ever been
so angry at my dad.


I knew I shouldn't let it out,
but I couldn't help myself,


so I turned to him and summoned up

all the -year-old eloquence
I could muster.


This stinks! You stink!

You ruined this trip for me

because you don't know
what you're doing!

You shoulda just let
Coach Long be the leader!

I stood there,
waiting for my dad to whoop me


for being so fresh
or drown me in the lake...


Wait a minute. Nobody brought
that hatchet, did they?


There's no telling
what this man might do.


But he did nothing.

Coach Long is right.

It'll be dark soon.
We should head on back.

You lead the way, Cliff.





I could tell my dad was feeling terrible

about what I said at the lake.

I was feeling pretty lousy myself,

and he obviously needed my help
putting up that tent.


But you know what?
I was cooking a marshmallow,


and those things go
from brown to black real quick.


[Breathes sharply]

It looks like your father
could use a hand.

It's not my fault

he doesn't know what he's doing.

He's really bad at this.

Bad?

[Laughing] He's the worst.

[Chuckles] Always has been.

Now, when we were around your age,

a bunch of us
would go out into the woods,

and your father would stay home

and practice his saxophone.

And he would yell at us,

"Y'all can waste your time
chasing those squirrels,

'cause I'm gonna stay home and practice

so I can play at the Blue Note
in New York City."

And I'll be damned
if he didn't play there

before we graduated college.

[Chuckles] And I'll be honest...

I couldn't believe when I heard

he volunteered to be the troop leader.

Then why'd he do it?

Well, if I had to take a guess,

um...

he wanted his son to do something

that was important to him,

and if that meant
looking a little foolish...

well... he was man enough
to let it happen.



- [Chuckles]
- [Distant laughter]

Boy, how many times I told y'all

about playing catch with the hatchet?!

Hold up.



When you're , it's hard to process

the first time you realize

your dad isn't good at everything.

Or in the case of my son, when he was .

[Scoffs] Stupid "John Madden Football."

Like that proves anything.



[Insects chirping]



[Sighs]



[Book thumps]

[Sighs]

[Chirping continues]



There were so many things
I wanted to say to my dad


in that moment...
that it was hard to realize


he wasn't the perfect man
I thought he was.


That I was ashamed of the way

I embarrassed him back at the lake.

That I was grateful he was willing to

leave his comfort zone
and do something he hated


so I could do something I loved.

All these thoughts
swirled around in my head,


until finally, I said...

Dad...

I haven't BM'd in two days.

Is that a bad thing?

I think you'll live.

Just don't tell your mother

or you'll be gulping down castor oil.

That stuff is almost as nasty
as my stroganoff.

[Thunder rumbles]

Oh, y'all see that lightning?

Mnh-mnh.

Grab your things and get to the car.

[Gear clattering]

We do not play with God!

Come on!

Come on, now!

[Thunder rumbling]

[Tent poles clattering]

[Thunder crashes]



Well, men, it looks like
it's not letting up.

Now we can't earn any more badges.

You know, there's one more badge

I remember seeing in the book
that we can still get

before your parents expect you home.

[Thunder crashes]

[Jazz music playing]







You hear that?

The bass player lays down a melody,

and the cat on the piano responds.

It's called "antiphony."

Straight from traditional African music.

Thanks to my dad's quick thinking

and a $ bill he slipped to
the maître d',


that was the night we all got
our Music Appreciation badges.


Who's ready for another round?

ALL: Me!

It was also the night we ordered
our first drinks from a bar.


There's no alcohol in a Roy Rogers,
but we didn't know that.


We were convinced we were wasted.

Maybe it was all that cigarette smoke.

[Cheers and applause]

Or maybe it was because

none of us had BM'd in two days.

Ladies and gentleman,
I see a familiar face out there.

If y'all make enough noise,

maybe we can convince Mr. Bill Williams

to come and join us for a number!

- [Cheers and applause]
- Yeah!

Yeah!

Go, Mr. Williams! [Chuckles]

[Blowing soundlessly]

[Cheers and applause continue]

[Music begins]



This was also the night I realized that

my slice of
the middle-class American dream


might not look like other people's...

but I had a cool cat for a father,

a man who would do just about
anything to make me happy...


and that was enough.

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