03x17 - Toysrn'tus

[bunniefuu]

Dre: Growing up,
we didn't have many choices.

If you were bored,
you went outside and played

with water g*ns or balls.

If you were hungry, it was Mickey D's

or, in my case, McRuby.

And it wasn't just food and toys.

It was our choices of what
we could actually be in life.

See, limited choices

limited what we could
imagine for ourselves

and, thusly, what we would become.

But nowadays, things are different.

Children have tons of
choices about everything...

Water g*ns,

burgers,

even role models.

And each choice they make
is an opportunity

to help them form their identity...

Tell the world who they are.

But what happens when the world
makes a choice for them

that goes directly
against that identity?

Diane: Thank you, Janine.

Rainbow: Yes, thank you, Janine!

This white doll is beautiful!

[Laughs]

Do you still have the receipt?

♪♪

The receipt?

Why? Why? Is there... Is
there something wrong?

This is a GirlStory doll.

- Yeah.
- It's celebrating women throughout history.

- Yeah.
- This one is Winnie the Wartime Doctor.

Oh, yeah. She's like you,
Bow, except a real doctor.

Okay, um, Janine, I'm a real doctor.

Dre: Mm-hmm. And that is a doll.

You're a doll! [Laughs]

It's... It's... It's a lovely doll.

But, you know, we're just dealing

- with numbers here, Janine.
- Uh-huh.

We have enough white dolls.

You know, the black/white
ratio is just...

- Just a little off.
- Yeah.

You have a black/white ratio for dolls?

With everything, Janine.

- Literally with everything.
- Yeah.

You know, I'm constantly aware

of how many black people
are in a restaurant,

how many black characters
are in a movie...

Yeah... and it also affects
the way that we buy cereal.

Nobody really eats the
Count Chocula, but...

Yeah, but I still buy it.

Yeah.

I-Is Count Chocula even black?

Janine, his last name is Chocula.

♪♪

I gathered you kids here
to announce that, sadly,

my Spades partner, Earnest Woodbine,

- passed on today. Oh.
- Diane: Aw.

And now I need a new partner.

Didn't you say he d*ed today?

Don't you judge the way
I mourn, little boy.

Winning was very important
to Earnest and me.

Why don't you just partner with somebody

that's already in your Spades group?

For some reason, they're put off by me.

This is my house [bleep]

[Laughs]

Haters, all of 'em.

But that just means that
now there's an opportunity

for one of you to become my new partner.

"Opportunity" feels strong.

Diane, you're out.

You're smart and mean,

but your mole-like vision concerns me.

- Well, okay.
- Yeah.

Jack, you're out.

You know why.

Yeah, I do.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Zoey...
- I don't care.

Sure, you don't. Mm-hmm.

And... Junior!

I know. My ears are too big,
and I tend to ramble,

and people think my mustache is dirt.

♪♪

Unh-unh-unh. See, it is that
laser beam of self-reflection

that makes you the perfect partner.

You are the key to me b*ating Doris.

Who's Doris?

She's the Cobra Kai to my Daniel-san.

And I swear on Earnest's
clogged-up dead heart

that that witch will not take our title!

Hey, hey! Where y'all going?

Unh-unh. You losers are
our new practice partners.

Get in here!

♪♪

Good news, guys!

The Boxable people loved your pitch.

Yes. I knew they would,
'cause it's so simple.

"Boxable... Come on."

Not yours, Josh.

They hated it, and they hated you.

They said you reeked of desperation.

Aw. Boxable? Come on.

But, Dre, yours was a slam dunk.

The artwork was beautiful,
casting was perfect,

but it was your tag line
that gave us the chills.

"Boxable... The gold
standard in shipping."

Good call on the gold, Dre.

Pewter was not the way to go.

Every day I learn from you.

Man, no time for modesty, all right?

- I k*lled it.
- So good.

You're off probation, Dre.

I've been on probation?

Only since I hired you.

♪♪

If we have to return Winnie,
why don't we get something

that I actually want,
like a sword or a bear trap?

Or a doll that you can relate to.

- Hello.
- Hi.

We'd like to make an exchange.

Oh. Ooh, Winnie.

Well, that's a surprise!

She's our best-selling GirlStory doll.

She invented the tourniquet.

- Oh, wow!
- But you know what? No worries.

We have tons of other dolls
for you to choose from.

Like right here, we have Cassandra.

She's a pioneer woman.

Uh, we're actually looking for a doll

that's, um, you know, err, like...

- Has hands?
- N... Oh.

Oh, all our dolls have hands.

Well, mm, except for a few

of our differently abled dolls.

Uh-huh. Oh, look at that.

Oh, and this is Polio Patty... love her.

Got to be careful when
you move her, but...

Okay, well, we could dance
around this forever,

uh... Patrice.

Oh, it's pronounced "Pat-riss."

- "Pat-riss."
- "Rhymes with mattress?

- Oh.
- G... Oh, that's... Okay.

Um...

where are your black dolls?

[Chuckles] Okay,
why didn't you just say so?

Well, kind of thought I'd just see 'em.

I got you, girl!

Okay. Come on, ladies. Follow me.

We're taking a hike.

Oh. Oh, so they're, like...

separate area.

Ladies, allow me to
introduce you to Sassy Sadie

and equally Sassy Selma.

Uh-huh, okay.

So, let's see here.

Sassy Sadie... "Little Sadie Crawford"

left home with nothing but
the clothes on her back

"and a desire to be free."

- So, she's a sl*ve?
- Not anymore.

She escaped and eventually
learned to read... sort of.

So, she's a runaway sl*ve.

Who can read.

Okay, so [clears throat]

you have dozens of disabled...

Ooh, differently abled.

Fine, differently-abled, and hundreds

of amazingly successful white dolls,

but only two black dolls.

- African-American.
- Uh-huh.

Let's see what the
other one is, shall we?

Mm. Selma... the Civil Rights leader

who marched on Selma.

And that doesn't feel lazy to you?

Well, she's also a mother of .

, seriously?

So, you think we just keep having kids,

just kids on kids on kids?

Easy, Mom. You're on your fifth.

[Clears throat] Okay, well,
these are basically the same doll,

just wearing different clothes!

Oh, that's not true.

Yet they both have lanterns!

But for different reasons.

Oh, come on.

This is unbelievable!

You know what sounds
unbelievable right now?

A nice cold Orange Julius.

Okay, no, I'm not done.
I'm not done, sweetheart.

I am just a little girl,

and it would be
embarrassing for both of us

if I had to drag you out.

Well, let me tell you I have not
even begun to be embarrassing.

In the words of the great Maya Ang...

Hey! Oh, you are strong!
I will be back! Ow!

Hey. How was your day?

I, um...

went a little bit crazy at GirlStory.

She recited Maya Angelou's
"Phenomenal Woman"

all the way out to Sunglass Hut.

- In her Maya Angelou voice?
- You know it.

That store only has two
black dolls... two.

And they're not doctors.

One's a sl*ve, and one's a Selma.

Selma! I'm outraged!

You know, you look so cute
when you're outraged.

Oh, come on.

That is the one thing that reminds me

that you're black...

This, and when you send your food back.

I'm sorry to complain,
but I wasn't expecting garbage.

That's how we made this baby.

Seriously, this is not funny.

Well... This is a big deal.

The images that we see
affect who we are...

- Mm-hmm.
- And who we aspire to become.

I mean, it's bad enough we
didn't have role models

growing up, but we made it past that.

We made it through.

- But we have role models now, Dre...
- Mm-hmm.

Doctors, lawyers, movie stars.

Our kids seeing themselves reflected

in our culture is important.

Yes, I know this, Bow.

Do you think I need to
see Viola Davis snot-cry

every episode of "How To
Get Away With m*rder"?

I don't, but the kids do,

to see that they can be
whatever it is they want to be.

- Right.
- Except now, Jack wants to be an actor.

You're innocent! I know it!

Whatever, Dre. Images matter.

That's why your job is so important,

and I do not say that enough.

No, you don't.

You normally say the opposite,

and it's normally followed up with,

"You know, I save lives.

And you, Dre, you promote
empty consumerism."

Well, not today. Dre, I'm proud of you.

You effect change
in a real and tangible way.

Yes. I do do that, don't I?

- Don't get ahead of yourself.
- I...

I save lives.

You make ads.

I'm a doctor.

[Laughter] Unbelievable.

Hey, Dre, good news. Hmm?

Boxable wants to fast-track
your campaign for this summer!

Great. We're not doing it.

- It's garbage.
- What?

I can't do the spot with
an all-white family.

- Oh, my God.
- Buckle up, everyone.

Time to board the S.S. GuiltTrip.

I feel like this is
gonna be about Katrina.

No, but that is a story
that needs to be told.

No, uh, well, maybe.

Boxable is looking for
the gold standard.

Who's to say that black people

can't be the gold standard?

Dre's right.

What make you think we don't
wanna open up a box of presents

and laugh about how good life is?

[Laughs] Oh, life.

This is my snifter,
'cause I like to drink cognac

when I open boxes and make valid points.

- [Sighs]
- Stevens: Okay, Dre, the gold standard...

It suggests success, dependability,

shirts tucked into pants.

Dre, it's just one commercial.

It's not just one commercial.

In the beginning,
it was almost every commercial.

A-And things... They got better,

but we can't assume that
progress is permanent.

White is the default,

unless someone chooses to
move the ball forward.

Please don't let him say that he is
the one to move the ball forward.

And I am the one to
move the ball forward.

Damn it, Dre!
Now you're back on probation!

You know what?

I am gonna recast this ad

and give the world a
different "gold" standard.

No, no, no! The client
loves what we have!

Yeah, white people love white people.

And vegetables.

Oh!

I was hoping you would be off today.

Oh, we don't get days off, or benefits.

- How can I help you today?
- Okay, um, I love

that you're teaching young
women about their history.

- Guilty.
- [Laughs]

- What I don't love...
- Uh-oh.

Is that with all the black history,

that you choose to focus on
our oppression and struggle

when there are so many role
models to choose from...

Josephine Baker,

Dorothy Dandridge, Shonda Rhimes,

Misty Copeland, Michelle Obama.

Ooh, I know her.

And you know what?
These are amazing suggestions,

and at GirlStory,
we take customer feedback

very seriously.

- Okay, so...
- I would just love it

if you could just write those
down here in this book,

and I will personally make sure
that your concerns are heard.

- Great. I'm gonna write it down in the book.
- Thank you.

Hey, wait a minute.

Are you telling me that my complaint

about a lack of diversity
is actually gonna go below

"Not enough icing on the
cinnamon rolls in the café"?

Well, ma'am, you know what?

We take the complaints in the
order that they were received.

Give me this.

Oh, God, my book!

Yes. Boom, we have solved that problem.

My complaint is now number one.

Okay, so why don't you
read that right now?

- Ma'am...
- Uh-huh?

You know, if you just left the page in,

your complaint would've
been heard eventually.

Well, I want you to hear me now.

And do you hear me loud and clear?

- Do you like wine?
- Oh, my God.

I want you to know, GirlStory,

that you have made a powerful enemy!

I'm a doctor! I save lives!

♪♪

Bye!

Ace of clubs.

Ooh. Nice one, Zoey!

Ruby: Oh, Junior. Come on, now!

There are no compliments in Spades!

You're terrible at trash-talk!

[Grunts]

No, please don't give up on me!

I can be bad.

Oh, my God. Can you?

Yeah.

- Oh.
- [Chuckles]

Oh, no. That's gonna bring ants.

Ooh, we're gonna have to
practice more than I thought!

But we're hungry!

And we're supposed to
be at school today.

Oh, you're at school.

Ugh! [Laughs]

Again!

But my tummy...

Again! Come on!

Dre: Bam! There you have it.

The new gold standard.

- Oh.
- Right?

Stevens: Outstanding. Love it!

Oh, h-hold up.

Why are the DeBarges the
new face of Boxable?

Charlie: Oh, I'll tell you why.

'Cause our boy Dre here's colorstruck.

He's got that Beige Rage.

I do not. What is that?

It means he has a clear preference

of light skin over dark skin.

I've always seen it

[voice breaking] and it's always hurt.

♪ You know I'm proud
to be black, y'all ♪

♪ And that's a fact, y'all ♪

♪ And if you try to take what's mine ♪

♪ I take it back, y'all ♪

♪ The world's full of hate,
discrimination, and sin ♪

♪ People judgin' other people
by the color of skin ♪

♪ I'm fresh out the pack ♪

♪ And I'm proud to be black ♪

That was candy.

And damn it, Charlie.
You always forget to dribble!

This time, this time, this time!

Go!

Kobe! What are you... No!

Maybe those wasn't the best examples.

Stevens: Now that I think about it,

let's take a look at some
of those past campaigns

that you've run for us.

Ooh. I wouldn't know they were black.

- Gluten-free.
- Curtis: Yeah.

Ooh. That's milky right there.

You know what? Y'all sound ridiculous.

All right, I do not have a preference

for light-skinned people,
as I am a dark-skinned man.

[Laughs] Wait, wait.

So you think you Team Dark Skin?
What the hell would you call it?

- Well, I personally think you're...
- No, no, no!

- No, you got that kinda like
- Stop it, stop it, stop it.

I am not a colorist.

Well, why don't you walk us
through your casting process?

Fine. I did the exact same
thing I did with the first ad.

I auditioned a few black families,

and I chose who I felt was
best to sell the image.

So in order for me to sell something,

I have to have a keen nose,
green eyes...

Straight hair, paper lips, and no ass.

He's right, boss.

The reason you like this family

is because they look closest to white.

No way.

Lupita Nyong'o was on my free-pass list.

I don't have a preference
for light over dark.

All right, so,
we got four black coffees,

and one iced caramel
macchiato with extra cream.

♪♪

- Oh.
- Oh, there it is.

- Stevens: That's interesting.
- That's just sad.

- Extra cream.
- [Slurping]

It's the Michael Jackson of coffee.

[Door closes]

What's going on over there?

Oh, Dre, in every great movement,

someone has to stand up

and be a voice for those that
cannot speak for themselves.

These dolls can't speak, Dre.

I speak for the dolls.

- "Shonda not slaves"?
- Yes.

"Black Toys Matter"?

Yeah.

"Welcome to Misty Nope-Land"?

Yeah.

It's hard being
a one-woman revolution, Dre.

I'm spread a little bit thin.

Yeah, no, I hear you, Bow.

Change is hard. It's so hard.

You know, I thought I
was gonna heal the world

with positive images of black people.

Turns out, I'm infected.

- What?
- I got that Beige Rage.

Okay, I don't know what the
hell you're talking about, Dre,

but instead of whining,
you need to take action

against the injustices that you see.

You want a big change, make a big move!

Come on, Dre!

Is that the guy that is the captain now?

No, that's Akon.

This is a real miss, Dre.

You've jeopardized the whole campaign.

What the hell happened to the DeBarges?

Dre, this was supposed to be
your "Do the Right Thing,"

- but it is your "Chi-Raq."
- Uhh!

Well, clearly I'd blown my sh*t.

I hoped Bow was having better
luck with her revolution.

Rainbow: Burn, dolls, burn!

Burn, dolls, burn!

Black toys matter!

Sweetheart, put the sign up.

- I really don't want to.
- Up, up, up so they can see your face.

No, my babies! No! No!

No! No!

Yeah!

Ooh, ooh. Oh, no! Oh, God.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Oh, no!

I-I don't have any benefits!

[Screaming]

We're not gonna get
cinnamon rolls, are we?

No rolls, no rolls!

Junior, I hope you brought your A-game,

because that grand prize has got
my name written all over it!

What's the grand prize?

It's a $ gift card to Forever .

Hello, Ruby.

- Doris.
- Girl, look who she got

to take Dead Earnest's place.

You know she like young men.

[Laughs]

Come on, girl. Let's go.

I'm gonna k*ll her.

Hello, grandmother.

Hey, what y'all doing here?

Both: Vengeance.

You think you can just insult us,

starve us, flick lit cigarettes at us,

and we just take that lying down?

Well... We must break you.

We've been practicing.

Let's do this, old maid.

[Air horn blows]

♪ Try to be best,
'cause you're only a man ♪

♪ And a man's got to learn to take it ♪

Boom! Roasted!

We did it! In your face!

- Oh.
- [Chuckles]

We lost, didn't we?

Badly.

Next?

♪ And a man's got to learn to take it ♪

Aww, Myrtle. Only two books?

Good news is, you won't
remember any of this tomorrow!

[Laughs] That's how you do it!

[Both laugh]

♪ You're the best around ♪

Gloria. Guess what.

Cheryl slept with your husband.

[Laughs] Hell, girl. I'm just lyin'.

- Rodney did.
- Yeah, ain't that right, Rodney?

♪ Never stop, you can't give up ♪

♪ Until you reach the top ♪

Well, well, Ruby.

We both bid at seven, but only one of us

is walking away with the means

to purchase a crop top denim vest.

You can't wear a crop
top denim vest, Doris.

Who gonna stop me?

Oh.

[Laughs]

Well, I guess I'm gonna see you

in that crop top denim vest

in... hell!

♪ You're the best around
♪ Oh, you cheated!

♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪

♪ You're the best around ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪

Thank you very much.

Well, just got off the
phone with the lawyer.

Fortunately for you,
they're not gonna press charges.

- Oh, thank God.
- But there are some stipulations.

- You're not allowed near that mall...
- What?

Or any GirlStory franchise,

or within feet of
someone named Patrice.

"Pat-riss."

I set her on fire.

- What?
- She doesn't have benefits.

Well, I put the entire
cast of "Captain Phillips"

in a shipping commercial.

Did not go over too well.

Hmm.

Bow, why did you encourage me

to make change in the world?

Why didn't you stop me from
making change in the world, Dre?

You saw my signs.

You know what? We are no good
when we're on the same page.

One of us needs to be
clipping the other's wings.

Dre, when you walk into that store,

the messages are so clear.

There's something better.

- We're not as good.
- Mm.

I just really didn't want Diane
internalizing that message.

Yeah. I also did what I did for Diane.

Sometimes it just... it feels like

no matter how much progress we make,

it's one step forward
and two steps back.

Why bother?

Hey, you show me one revolutionary

who gave up their fight
because of one minor setback.

You're right.

Hey, come here.

[Sighing] Oh, man.

Until the world catches up,

we're just gonna have to keep
reinforcing the messages

that we want our kids to hear at home.

- Yeah.
- But not you.

You're not a good role model.

[Chuckles] Oh, God.

You set a lady on fire, Bow.

I didn't mean to.

[Both chuckle]

- Hey, sweetie.
- Hi.

So, I wanted to talk to you
about how I acted today.

Yeah. That was so cool.

I've never seen fire spread so fast.

- I used an accelerant.
- Whoa!

No, that... that is not the point.
That's not the point.

Here.

Come here, sweetie.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I didn't set a very good example today,

and, you know, I want you to know

that just because that doll store

thinks that we're only one thing,

that doesn't mean that's all we are.

Mom, I don't need some
doll to tell me that.

I have you. And you're a doctor.

And you're constantly
reminding us of that.

I am constantly reminding
you of that, Diane,

because I want you to know

that you can be anything you want to be.

So in that spirit... here.

- [Chuckles]
- Okay?

Go for it.

- [Chuckles]
- Okay.

[Laughs]

Nunchucks! Thank you!

Oh, and don't worry, Mom.

It is my solemn promise

that I will never use these on you.

Or anyone in the house.

No... No, I'm serious.

Thank you very much.