06x01 - Pops the Question

[bunniefuu]

DRE: No matter how you grow up,
summer is a season of change,

and this summer was no
different for our family.

Junior moved on from his gap year...

JUNIOR: What's good, NYC?

- ... and was now out on his own...
- What's good, Chi Town?

... managing social media for Migos.

What's good, Sam Peterson's Bar Mitzvah?

Jack and Diane were
headed for th grade,

so they were finally done
with those school uniforms

that made them look like
tiny black missionaries.

Mm-hmm!

Ooh!

Looking good, Diane.

- I didn't ask.
- Eh...

Sprinkle in a few
earth-shaking life events...

[RUMBLING]

Earthquake! Everybody up!

Babe, I'll get the kids!
I'll get the kids!

I'm coming!

Babe, the Clippers signed Kawhi!

And Paul George!

Ah! Everybody up!

I'll get the emergency champagne!

♪

This is our year!

This is our year!

Yep, the Johnson family was
finally ready to settle down

after a crazy summer.

POPS: Ha-ha! Great news, y'all!

I'm getting married.

Oh! My God.

What's that you say about
getting married, now?

I'm getting married!

What are you talking about,
you're getting married?

I didn't even know you
were seeing anyone.

What are we, friends?

Mom, i-is Pops dying?

Mm, no, sweetheart. He's fine. Right?

Either way, I'm gonna
need a black dress.

I'm fine. Diane, Jack, I'm fine.

In fact, it's the best
I've felt in years.

Well, congratulations, Earl.

Well, thank you, Ruby.

Mm. I had no idea you
would react that way.

What are we, friends?

Now, who is this girl

whose life and credit
you're about to ruin?

Her name is Lynette, and
I gotta tell y'all...

[INHALES SHARPLY] she's the one.

And how do you know?

'Cause every time I see her,

Anita Baker's "Sweet Love"
plays in my head and my heart.

Hmm. Do you also smell burnt toast?

Because that could be a stroke.

What's your con, old man? Hmm?

What is she?

The heiress to Tommy
Bahama or something?

[GASPS] Better yet,

does she need one of your kidneys?

Better not. Those kidneys are mine.

It's the only thing I
won in the divorce.

Thank you very much, Johnnie
Cochran and Associates.

- Huh.
- I know y'all got questions,

but you'll just have
to wait 'til you meet

Lynette Friday at family dinner.

- RUBY: Mm.
- [TAPS COUNTER] Everybody be there.

Excuse me. I have to change.

I'm late for something called
"tapas." [CLAPS HANDS]

You know, it's great that
he's finally found love.

What he found was a
-year-old yoga instructor

with low self-esteem whose name is Love.

Dad, that's the best-case scenario.

It's probably one of those
twins Zoey hangs out with.

[GASPS]

Guys, Pops will be Pops.

All we have to do is get
through this dinner.

- Okay.
- Oh.

- Baby.
- Yeah?

Can you make sure we have some
Martinelli's in the house

just in case this girl
is too young to drink?

Mm. She may not be old enough,

but if she's with Pops, she drinks.

[LAUGHS] Hey, Quavo.

Yeah, I'm home.

You know how I do.

Keeping it juicy. [LAUGHS]

[REFRIGERATOR DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS] Oh, sorry, Quavo.

Yeah, no, I'll catch you on
the flip side. See you later.

Sorry, guys. That was
one-third of the Migos.

The Quavo third.

But can we go back to how
you're "keeping it juicy"?

And then never go back there again?

[LAUGHS]

I like you guys. You keep me grounded.

So, it has been a hot minute.

How are things going in the real world?

Well, uh, here on Planet Earth,

we make sure people don't wear shirts

that make them look
like the Kool-Aid Man.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, you sweet, stupid baby.

Your little jabs...

you know, they don't
hurt like they used to.

You know you're talking to Diane, right?

I'm cool, Jack.

You know, hanging with rappers,

it helps you to develop a thick skin.

Too bad your mustache didn't
get the memo, Longhead.

See? Don't even feel it.

Shh.

Gotta take this.

[BEEP]

Hey. Cardi B!

Yeah, Junior J. here.

He is out of the house one summer,

- and he thinks he can disrespect me?
- Mnh-mnh.

You got that Diane look like
you're about to do a m*rder.

Go get my kit, Jack.

I don't think that seems...

Get my kit!

Oh. No need to... say anything else.

♪

I hear your dad's getting married,

so I got him two tickets to Disneyland

for Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge.

Now, whether he takes me
or I take his fiancée...

and it can happen if I focus...

someone's gonna be
drinking some blue milk.

You're probably gonna have to
take somebody else, Charlie.

I doubt my father's getting married.

Oh, no, Dre.

I owe Jabba too many credits
to just be venturing alone

in the wild frontiers of Batuu.

Hey, there he is!

We, uh, we heard the news.

Old Sex Factory Johnson

- snagged himself a young bride, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

And with no money, to an American woman.

- I mean, the degree of difficulty...
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Wow!
- Okay, guys...

just calm down, all right?

As soon as she drags him to
a Ty Dolla $ign concert,

it's over.

My pops is not the
marrying type, all right?

He needs his freedom.

People can change.

Unh-unh. Not my pops, man.

Well, hey, maybe your dad just needed

the right circumstances
to change, right?

L-Like after a breakup,
where she changes her number

and... you change your body weight.

STEVENS: Change can be hard...

unless we're talking
about climate change,

which is not real, okay?

Summers are supposed
to be hot, everybody!

I knew a guy who wouldn't
change for anything.

Unless he got angry.

Then he'd rip his shirt off, turn green,

and wreck a city block.

Charlie, are you talking
about the Incredible Hulk?

Absolutely not.

Talking about this drunk Irish guy.

Love Fitzy.

See, you gotta have your
white friends, Dre.

It's all about balance.

I don't have to worry about
any of that, all right?

Because the day my dad changes

is the day he starts
feeding the homeless.

Outstanding, Dre.

N-Now that we have solved your problem,

we can move on to mine.

Connor is in Iran.

Not again.

Oh.

Those idiots could say all they wanted,

but after years of
life with Earl Johnson,

I know that man better
than he knows himself.

[POPS LAUGHS]

Hey, Dre, Bow, this is Lynette.

Thi...

Lynette! Hi!

Isn't she lovely?

- Hold up, um...
- Huh?

[WHISPERING] So, Lynette's
mama is also named Lynette?

- Okay, stop it, sweetie.
- Oh, okay.

- Oh, it is so great to finally meet you!
- Oh...

Look at this! Okay!

All right. Oh!

[ANITA BAKER'S "SWEET LOVE" PLAYS]

Oh, my goodness!

I am so blessed.

♪ Hear me calling out your name ♪

He hasn't kissed me since "Motown "!

What the [BLEEP] is going on here?!

As the night went on,
the surprises kept coming.

There was Lynette, Lynette's
grown-man son Doug,

and a Pops I'd never seen before.

- He made her a plate.
- Yes.

- You comfortable?
- Mm-hmm.

I have never seen that man

put anything on a plate for anybody.

That is so sweet.

- Yeah, you would think that.
- Oh, go away.

So, Lynette, you know,
Pops has been real quiet

about this whirlwind
romance you guys have.

We don't know anything about you.

Like, zero.

Do you have a job?

Oh, Earl didn't say?

No.

I'm a judge in the L.A.
County Court system.

A judge?

Here, in our... our home?

Okay, uh, well, will you excuse me?

I need to dispose of nothing.

[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING RAPIDLY]

I'm sorry... I just
can't get over the fact

that you're engaged.

- RAINBOW: Oh!
- Tell me...

how did you meet?

Well, we met at a party,

and Earl overheard me saying
that I had been divorced.

And I said, "So, you in the club?"

Aah! That is exactly the way he said it!

Oh, and we started talking,

and I must have mentioned
going to this coffee shop.

Then, one Monday,

there was Earl, reading the paper.

- No.
- Mm-hmm.

Then on Tuesday, with the
paper and my coffee.

Then Wednesday, and Thursday...

And Friday, I said,

"Girl, you ready for
something stronger?"

[LAUGHTER]

We've been in love ever since.

That's so beautiful.

Hold on.

Man, you don't even drink coffee.

- I don't.
- [LAUGHS]

RAINBOW: Aww. Good move, Pops.

Everybody, hey-hey.

Hey, Mama.

- Hey, Ruby.
- Mm.

This is Lynette.

This woman right here? This is Lynette?

Yep.

Uh-huh.

The woman you're gonna
marry? This is her?

That's me. [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Look at you.

- Come here, girl.
- Ohh!

Come and give me a hug!

Come on!

- [LAUGHS] There you go!
- [LAUGHS] Oh.

Let me guess... you
drink Sauvignon Blanc?

Let me get you a house pour.

- Okay.
- [LAUGHS]

That's so nice. [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Well.

You can just charm anybody, can't you?

I'm just trying to keep
up with you, Earl.

- [DOOR THUDS]
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Um... I think we're okay.

Just... don't let her inside the garage.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE]

What?

Well, that went way too well.

What are you up to, Ruby?

I'm genuinely happy for Earl.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm happy that old dog
is finally slowing down.

- Mm.
- Can't keep up

with them young women anymore.

[CHUCKLES]

Had to go find himself a
knock-off Ruby Johnson.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

So you're really okay that
he's getting married?

Please, Rainbow.

I could have been married
four times over by now.

- Now, you know that, right?
- Okay.

And let me tell you something...

- Charles S. Dutton...
- Uh-huh.

... bought me an above-ground hot tub.

Okay? So, I am fine.

- Okay.
- Lynette!

- Hey...
- Got your wine, baby!

- Where...
- H-Hey!

- Where... Where is...
- Here you go, baby!

Where is the hot tub? Wait...

- You know how he is.
- I don't.

So, then, Takeoff, he says to me,

"This is how you make
it in the rap game."

Y... You know what? You know what?

I... [SCOFFS] I can't
even finish this story.

I signed an NDA.

But, uh, I can tell you what happened...

on a yacht.

- Okay.
- Right?

But again, I just asked if you
could point me to the bathroom.

Oh! Right. Uh, my apologizes.

This way.

Nah, this isn't right.

If Junior had a good yacht story...

or if Junior had any yacht story...

he'd find a way to spill it.

Come on, Diane.

Now that Junior's signed to the NBA,

we should be nice to him.

Maybe we can see the
yacht on his Instagram.

Wait.

Hold up.

Look... he's wearing the
same shirt in every post.

There's no way he was hanging
out with the Migos all summer.

Looks like Icarus flew
too close to the sun

in his Gucci wool.

You're right. That's
what I was thinking.

That Icarus.

I mean, his album was fire...

You don't have to know, Jack.

Got a call. Sorry I was late.

Quavo was pitching me new interjections.

He was starting to feel "Unh!"

But he was getting tired of "Yuh!"

You know, "Whoo!" is kind of D.O.A.

So... it's no big deal.

Now that we're all here, son,

got something I've been
meaning to ask you.

- Ha! Here it comes.
- What...

Of course you needed money.

Finally, it's all starting
to come together.

Here, take this hundred, Pops.

Hey, man, just take the money.

[CHUCKLES] Um...

I was gonna ask you if
you'd be my best man.

[GASPS] Oh!

Oh.

Uh...

Yeah, sure, I could... be your best man.

RAINBOW: Okay. Okay.
I got this. All right.

To the happy couple.

If love were rocket fuel,
we could go to the moon.

Ohh! [LAUGHS]

POPS: Listen, y'all, I just
want everyone to know...

I'm happier than I've ever
been in my entire life,

and it's all down to the
love of a good woman.

A good woman?

Oh, hell no.

[CHUCKLING] Okay.

Uh-huh. Okay.

♪

[LYNETTE AND POPS HUMMING]

- DRE: Yeah, look at them.
- RAINBOW: [CHUCKLING] What?

- He's drunk.
- What?

Dre, Pops asked you to be his best man.

- That is what you've always wanted.
- I know.

Every time you blow out
your birthday candles,

that's exactly what you're wishing for.

That's exactly it.

The man I know would have never
asked me to be his best man.

Mm-hmm.

[HUMMING CONTINUES]

I don't even recognize this guy.

He's not the settling-down type.

Baby, he loves, then leaves.

The Pops I know would
never allow himself

to be caught giggling.

Hey, what you staring at?

You never seen two
people dancing together

to music that's not playing?

You know, this is crazy.

I'm trying to find out
what your game is.

Well, I'll tell you. It's simple.

I'm in love, sweet love, Dummy.

♪

"A good woman."

[CHUCKLES]

Hey. Unh.

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

- Yo.
- [CHUCKLES]

Is it me, or is this all
kind of out of nowhere?

Exactly.

And how is it that we're the
only two that notice this?

I don't know!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I mean, they barely know each other.

And they're so different.

- Yeah.
- I mean, my mom's a judge.

- My pops is not.
- [CHUCKLES]

- No, he isn't.
- Uh-huh.

Oh, we all know his type.

s, never really settled down...

Oh, he has never settled down.

- ... rolling stone...
- Oh.

... going where the wind takes him...

Oh, and the wind is blowing.

... probably running a credit scam,

has multiple IDs,

always has a bag packed in the trunk...

Uh, I mean, you know, who don't
have a bag packed in the trunk?

... first-name basis at the strip club

and the track...

Well, the track. But, you know,
he don't really throw money...

... new girl on his arm
every single night.

Mm. Never faithful.

Well, hey, hey. Hey, hold on, man.

He's faithful to your mama, all right?

Dude is in love.

Hey, bruh... he fixed her a plate.

Oh, so I'm supposed to
ignore all that other stuff

because he put some olives on a plate?

There were also meats, Doug.

What is your problem, man? He's changed.

- Sure he has.
- No.

He has.

He's dipping your mother to
music only they can hear.

He's giggling.

He's saying nice stuff about
me in front of my family.

Bruh, he's changed.

Whatever.

I don't think you hear me, man.

He's changed.

Look, man...

I'm not gonna be talked to like that.

I talk how I wanna talk
in my house, Doug.

Because my pops has changed.

- Oh, he's changed, huh?
- Yes, he's changed.

- Oh, he's changed, huh?
- He's changed!

- Changed, huh?
- Yeah!

- My father has changed!
- He's changed? Changed?

- What's going on?!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey,

- hey, hey, hey, hey!
- That's enough of that, now!

- He's changed!
- DOUG: Oh, he's changed, huh?

Order! Order! Order in the dining room!

Yes, Your Honor.

My pops has changed.

I'm sorry about these boys, Lynette.

Guess next time,

we'll just have to get the
boxing gear out of the garage.

[GASPS] Stay out of the garage!

It's a mess in there.

♪

- Hey.
- Mm?

Hey. What was that?

I haven't seen that version of Dre

since you got banned from Little League.

You need to go apologize.

I can't admit fault.

- What?
- Lynette's a judge.

Anything I say in front of her

can and will be used against
me in a court of law.

That's not how this works, Dre.

Oh, so, what? Are you a lawyer now, too?

Could've been.

- He started it.
- He...

He was acting as if Pops was a deadbeat!

Dre, you call your dad a
deadbeat all the time.

That's how you labeled
his Netflix profile.

Because he was a deadbeat.

That's all I knew my whole life,

a-a-and now he's turned into this guy?

Isn't that a good thing?

No!

I always thought Pops
did the best he could.

Now it turns out he
could have did better.

He just decided not to.

And I don't get why.

Just talk to your dad.

Okay.

♪

On my time.

If that's what I decide.

But not because of you.

Okay.

I had that idea on my own.

'Course you did.

♪

So, "Walk It Talk It" is
a great encore, Quavo,

but "Stir Fry"...

- that is...
- Oh, my God. Is that Quavo?

Put him on speaker. I want to say hi.

Oh, uh... [CHUCKLES] can't.

You know, uh...

confidential rap stuff, secret lyrics...

codes, you know, remixes.

- Ohhh.
- You guys get it. [CHUCKLES]

- I get it. Understood.
- Yeah.

You got to keep it professional, so...

- Yeah, yeah.
- Uh-huh.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

So, Quavious, as I was saying, my...

[CELLPHONE BEEPS]

FEMALE VOICE: The affirmation hotline...

all good, all the time,

- just like you.
- [CELLPHONE BEEPS]

What gave me away?

You wore the same shirt in every post.

Like a real Icarus.

So, Junior...

looks like I got you over a barrel.

Any last words?

Okay, guys, Migos brought
me on for one tour,

and it turns out it was
a really short tour,

and I made this big deal
about going out on my own,

but when things went bad,
I didn't know how to tell anybody,

and I bought all this Bitcoin,

and, Diane, please, don't tell Mom.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, you sweet, stupid baby.

Unlike you, I don't lie to live.

I lie for fun.

And besides, your sad spin-out

was the lamest thing I've ever seen.

You're no thr*at to me.

And you should be able to
tell Mom about your job

when you're ready.

Diane, thank you...

- Oh, yeah, she not done.
- Now, we can agree

that I've done something for you,

and one day, I'll ask you
to do something for me.

When the time comes, you'll know.

You'll want to renew your passport.

♪

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

So, Pops...

[SMACKS LIPS]

... I think I like Lynette.

You know, if she becomes
a TV judge, I'd watch.

- TruTV keeps asking.
- Hmm.

But she's way too classy
for that. [CHUCKLES]

- But, see, what...
- Mm.

... what I can't wrap my
head around, Pops, is...

why does she get the best Earl Johnson?

How come you couldn't give that
to me when I needed it, Pops?

Oh.

I don't know.

Uh... probably 'cause I didn't know how,

and it wasn't like I had
anybody to show me.

This woman makes me feel different.

I mean, I feel younger, less grumpy.

I-I-I'm way more thoughtful.

Hell, I'm not even stealing
bags out the airport anymore,

and that's where I found
the engagement ring.

Not even Burbank?

As an officer of the court, she
frowns on that kind of thing,

so no go.

Look, I get it...

it's a lot, especially for you.

Got to be a lot to see
me change like this.

But I can't help it, son. I'm in love.

I'm not asking you to be happy for me.

I'm not. I'm just...

I am asking you to be happy with me.

[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Yeah, man, I...

I can be happy with you.

Okay.

Congrats, Pops.

Thank you, son. Thank you.

And I am honored to be your best man.

[SCOFFS] Honored to have you.

- Okay.
- Now, look.

W-We need to talk about
the bachelor party.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

Are we gonna go strip
club or the racetrack?

Or we can have strip
club at the racetrack.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Wait, wait, you... you wanted to come?

Uh, look, let me just run it

by my man Loose Craig right quick.

I just don't want to get
your hopes up, son.

Just hold that thought.

You my man, Dre.

You my best man.

[SCREAMS]

Diane. You okay?

I had a dream about chaos.

Oh.

That's nice.

No.

This time, it was a nightmare.

The world was... upside down.

The ocean, the sky, the land...

they were all jumbled,
and... there was no light.

Only darkness.

There was no Mom or Dad.

Zoey was a loser, and
Junior was a success.

Whoa.

That does sound disturbing.

You and I were all alone,

tumbling through the universe.

I was holding your hand, but I could...

I could feel you slipping away.

♪

Diane...

it's okay.

It's just a dream.

You're home, safe.

You'll always have me.

And even if we're not holding hands,

we're always connected.

♪

Thanks, friend.

♪

Wanna get some ice cream?

Yeah.

If Dad left us any.

[CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFLES]

[SIGHS]

♪