08x08 - Car Periscope

[bunniefuu]

( Theme music playing )

Hey! Hey!

What are you doing?
I'm standing here!

- I was here first!
- I don't care, I'm getting the cab!

- What? You upstream me?
- Everybody upstreams, you idiot.

You don't stand there like a cab gas.

That's etiquette!
We need some rules!

Come on, come on!
You got it, you got it,

you got it, you got it, you got it.

All right.
We'll do 30 seconds and one more.

- What?
- Last one, last one.

- This was the last one.
- No, last one, last one.

You said one more,
I did one more.

Okay, all right.
How is your shoulder?

- You seem like...
- Shoulder feels good.

- I swear. Great job, you're fantastic.
- Great. Thank you.

- Tomorrow?
- Tomorrow. 2 o'clock, same time.

- Beautiful.
- Just bump me out.

- Nice. See you.
- See you. Thanks.

- Boy oh boy, my shoulder feels fantastic.
- What are you doing?

This new trainer,
completely cured me.

He massages it, he gives
you exercises for it.

I don't like trainers,
not into them.

I don't like being told
what to do.

Yeah, right.
That's why you married Susie?

Yes, that's--

'Cause she doesn't
tell you what to do.

All right, I got the point.
I got the point.

No wonder why you don't like
being told what to do.

What I was saying was I don't like trainers
'cause I don't want more people...

- You don't want more people telling you what to do.
- Yeah, that's what it is.

I stink.

We really gotta get going, man.

Where the hell
are you taking me?

I'm taking you to an inventor.

What do they invent?

I have no idea
what he's invented

or what he's about to
invent or what's going on.

So what, he's pitching us
his inventions?

My cousin, all his friends
say this guy is brilliant.

- I'm an inventor.
- You're not an inventor.

I have a million ideas
for things.

That doesn't mean
you're an inventor.

- I just don't know how to implement it.
- What have you invented?

A ski that comes in two pieces.

You screw it on, okay?
Like a pool cue.

- Wait a minute. A ski that you screw on?
- A ski, yes yes.

So you don't have to carry
these big giant skis around.

- Where do I buy that?
- Like I said, I need the implementer.

Okay, you're an idea man.

Go with me on that one.
You're an idea man.

I'm an idea man who comes up
with inventions.

No, there are no inventions
in your world.

( Chuckles )
Well, that's an invention.

The ski that comes
in two pieces is an invention.

- That's an invention.
- If you implement it.

Well, we have a difference of
opinion on implementation.

All right, we gotta get going.

Literally a couple more balls

and then we gotta go
to the inventor.

Jeff: - There we go. - This is
where I lost my virginity-- On this block.

- You're kidding me.
- Yeah, Great Jones and Lafayette.

- You did not. You're lying.
- Yeah, right in that building over there.

- Shut up. You did not.
- Yes, Susan Fleschner, swear to God.

- Susan Fleschner?
- Yeah, right in that building.

- That's unbelievable.
- I know.

The mirrors, which are
at a 45° angle--

There's a mirror on the bottom
and a mirror on the top, right?

That's how it works.
And you just--

You push a button in the car
and it comes right up.

- A car periscope. That's great.
- A car periscope, exactly.

- You know what?
- What?

I've actually thought of that.

I swear.
I've been in cars

and I wanted-- You know,
I'm stuck in traffic

and I'm thinking there
should be a periscope.

You thought of--
You actually thought of--

Yeah, I honestly did.
It's a great idea.

- But you just didn't know what to do with the idea.
- No, of course not.

Anyway, so what I did was, I
have a crude prototype, right,

I mean, kind of like this that
I'd mounted in my own Volvo.

I mean, I'd love for you
to test-drive it.

But what I'm looking to
raise money for is this.

Here we have a fully
articulated antenna, okay?

It's locked up into the car.
You push a button on the dashboard.

It comes up.
Then a camera at the top

sends a live image to a
screen, onto the dashboard,

just like if you put the car in
reverse-- You know, you see that picture.

- Fantastic.
- And let me ask you this question,

- Yes, sure.
- Can you see over SUVs?

Of course.
This periscope

is going to be on every
single car in the world.

Everyone wants to see
where the traffic is.

Everyone wants to see what's
going on ahead of them.

Remember these?

Do you know a kid once
stabbed me in class?

- These things are dangerous.
- Guess what,

With the pencil side, thank God.
That side--

I wouldn't be here
looking at your invention.

You know what? I could make
circles for, like, four hours.

- Really?
- I love these so much, yes.

- The perfect circle. The perfect circle, come on.
- Compass.

So that's--
That's basically it.

- Hey, I have an idea for something.
- Yeah?

You know,
when people go skiing,

- the ski's, like, really long, right?
- Yeah.

I'm thinking like a ski that
you screw in like a pool cue

so it's easy to carry.

What do you think?

- Well, it's an idea. It's an idea.
- Yeah.

But that's not really
an invention.

Where do we come in on this?

Well, so what I'm
looking for is $250,000.

- $250,000?
- Seed money.

- That's basically it.
- ( Phone ringing )

Excuse me one second.

Well, you know what?

You know, it's pretty--
I mean, I like it, but...

It's a great idea,
but really who is this guy?

Why should we trust him?

This could be a big, elaborate
con game for all we know.

You think it could be
a con game?

You know, look at "The Sting.
" That's elaborate.

I never saw it.
I saw "The Sting II."

You didn't see "The Sting"?

- No, but "The Sting II," Jackie Gleason--
pretty good. - You saw "The Sting II"?

What kind of idiot sees
"Sting II" and not "Sting I"?

I don't remember back then,
but I'm just telling you

I didn't see "Sting I".
I saw "Sting II".

You must be the only
person in the world

who saw "Sting II"
and not "Sting I."

- And didn't see "Sting I"?
- Yeah, I would bet that you are.

All right, look, here's
what we'll tell him,

"We'll think about it."

- It's a great idea.
- It is, I gotta say.

- Hey.
- So what do you think?

- We'll think about it.
- Yeah yeah, we're gonna think about it.

A little bit of investment
is gonna go a long way.

- Sounds exciting.
- It's a very exciting project.

- Thank you.
- I'm very-- I'm really excited about it.

- Thanks. Very nice to meet you.
- Yes, same.

- ( Sniffles ) Hi.
- Hi.

- Gaby.
- Hi Gaby. Jeff.

- Jeff, hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hi. Larry.

- Larry, hi.
- Hi.

Oh, I'm Ira's wife.

Jeff: - Oh, okay okay.
- ( Gaby chuckles )

- Did you guys like the invention?
- Sure, yes.

- Hey honey.
- Hi baby.

Yes? Good good.
Thank you.

- Very clever.
- Yeah, isn't it so cool? He is so talented.

Yeah, we're gonna be thinking about it.
We'll talk to you soon.

- Okay, sounds great.
- I think we can make a lot of money with it too.

- I hope so. Nice meeting you. Take care.
- Okay, take care.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you.
Bye.

- Ira: Nice job.
- They're sweet, right?

Okay, can I tell you something?

Any questions I had
about this guy

were just answered.

Without a doubt.

He's smart.
He's good-looking.

He can have anybody.
He chose her.

That tells you everything
you need to know.

This guy's got integrity.

I trust him now.

- I trust him completely.
- I trust him.

- You trust him too?
- I do, absolutely.

You know what?
We need to test-drive it though.

- All right, let's go tell him.
- We gotta test the prototype.

Susie: You two are a
couple of schmucks,

- you know that?
Jeff: - What?

This looks like an eighth-grade
science experiment,

this thing.
That's what it looks like.

- It's not what it's gonna be.
- What is it gonna be?

No, there's gonna be an antenna
with a camera attached

and you'll see it on the
screen in the front.

Yeah, and how much money
is that gonna cost?

I don't know.

I don't trust him.

Oh, we're never gonna
get to the party.

Look at this--
Standstill traffic.

What's all this?
What's causing this?

Oh hey.

Oh!

( Car Horns honking )

- All right, you're not gonna believe this.
- What?

We've got a garbage truck
at 12,00.

You go to your left.
Go to your left.

- What, seriously?
- Really?

- Go to your left!
- All right, I'm going.

Susie: - You really see something?
- Yeah.

Jeff and Larry: - Oh!
Susie: - Oh my God!

Larry: - Look at this!
Jeff: - Yeah!

I see the garbage truck.
Unbelievable. Wow.

- We're moving.
- Yeah!

I'm willing to admit I'm wrong.

This might really be
a real thing.

That was unbelievable.

It's so great to see you here in New York.
It's like a treat.

- Thank you.
- You know, Wanda's place in L.A. is haunted.

- That's why she's out here.
- Oh, stop it. What are you doing here?

No no, I'm here because
L.A. was haunted.

But now New York is haunted.

- Why? 'Cause he's here? Right? I know.
- Yeah yeah.

And you look fantastic,
by the way.

- Thank you.
- Fantastic.

- Larry, can I say something?
- What?

- You look beautiful too.
- Thank you, Jeff.

- No, really beautiful.
- I got this fantastic trainer-- Terry.

I couldn't even hold a glass a few
weeks ago 'cause of my elbow.

He fixed my elbow. He fixed my shoulder.
The guy's great.

I'm looking for somebody.
Why don't you send me his information?

- He's gonna change your life.
- All right.

You know, life that
sorely needs changing.

- Oh, stop it.
- Well, email me his information.

I will.
I will email it to you.

I'm still at the same
email-- ihatelarry.

- Yeah.
- ( Laughter )

I'm gonna go mingle.

- We'll see you later.
- All right, you mingle.

Well, that'd be a nice
thing for you to do.

I happen to be
in top physical shape.

( Laughs ) Top physical shape?

- Yes, I am.
- As compared to what?

- How is everybody doing?
Susie: - Hey. Hi.

- Hey, Henry, how are you doing, pal?
- How are you doing, Jeff?

- What an apartment. What a beautiful space.
Jeff: - Oh, beautiful.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Hi Henry.

- How are you doing, Larry?
- Good. How's your dad, by the way?

Well, you know,
he's getting up there.

- He's in his mid-'80s.
Susie: - Uh-huh.

- And he's got good days and bad days.
- Mm-hmm.

I actually
moved him in with me.

- Really?
- Wow.

- Yeah, he lives here, in the back bedroom there.
- Oh, wow.

- You know who his dad is, right?
- No.

- Judge Horn.
- Your dad's Judge Horn?

- Judge Carter Horn.
- Oh my God, I love Judge Horn.

That was my favorite show.
I used to race home to watch that.

- Oh my God.
- Thank you.

I would laugh for hours about him
screaming at the defendants--

"You're not prepared,
young lady!

Where are
the pictures?"

Judge Horn, wow.
That is something.

Yeah. Anyway, thanks
for stopping by.

- Thanks for having us, man.
- You guys have everything you need?

- Yeah, we're all good.
- I'm gonna mingle a little bit.

- I'll circle around.
- Go mingle.

- Judge Horn, huh?
- I loved him-- Loved him.

You know what? I should go say
hello to him, shouldn't I?

Yeah, that would be nice.

I always think of nice things

but I never act on them.
What is that?

It's like you with inventions,

You think of inventions;
You never do the inventions.

- I don't implement.
- Yeah.

I could do it right now.
By God, I'm gonna go into that room and do it.

- Okay.
- Go.

I am going to do something nice

- right now.
- You don't need no implementer. Go.

- I'm going. I'm doing it.
- It's about time.

He has to announce it.
He can't just do something nice.

- Oh, shut up.
- He has to announce it.

"Woman."

Double letters go
for the "w."

Eight, nine, 10, 11, 12,
13, 14, times three-- 42.

Hey.

Judge Horn.

Yeah.

Larry--
Larry David.

- Hi Larry.
- Nice to meet you.

- Hey, how are you doing?
- Oh, hey.

- What do I do?
- Yeah, whichever you want.

There you go.
How are you doing?

- That's a tough decision for me.
- ( Chuckles )

- Right?
- Yeah, I see people struggle with it every day.

People are confused when they
shake hands-- Lefty, righty.

What, righty--
You go backhand, right?

- Go up normal--
- They go like that.

- Right, and then I have to go like that.
- Yeah yeah.

Sometimes I wish I had one arm when
I'm cuddling in bed with a woman,

'cause the other arm gets
in the way all the time,

so, you know,
could be an advantage

in that situation.

Yeah yeah.

Hey, could you do me
a favor, Larry?

I got something to do.
And he's a pleasure to play with.

So why don't you sit down and take my place?
I appreciate it, Larry.

- What?
- Thank you.

All right, fine.
I'll play a little scrabble.

Yeah.

My father was a huge
huge fan of yours.

He used to watch you
all the time.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

A lot of kikes liked the show

jigaboos too.

What's the matter?
Are you not gonna play?

- Are you gonna cheat me too?
- Hey, dad, dad, easy.

Are you all right?
What's going on?

- 217 to 67?
- What? Oh, I--

- Can I talk to you outside for a
second, Larry? - Yeah, but I wasn't--

May I talk to you
outside for a second?

What a great pleasure
to meet you.

Outside the room.

What are you do--
How could you do that?

Do what?

Taking advantage
of my father at scrabble?

I didn't play him.
I wasn't playing him.

- You weren't playing him?
- No, I--

- Who else was there, Larry?
- I took over for a one-armed man.

There was a one-armed man
playing him.

A one--
A one-armed man?

Yes, he had a work uniform like
he was fixing an air conditioner.

Larry, Larry,
I'm having a party.

We don't have any maintenance
people up here doing work.

Excuse me, did you see
a one-armed man?

No. A one-armed man?
No.

Did anybody see-- Did anybody
see a one-armed man?

There was
a one-armed man here.

Larry, there's no
one-armed man.

Look, you took advantage
of my father, okay?

And then now you're coming up
with some fictitious person

- who did it instead.
- Oh, your father.

Oh, poor poor sweet,
innocent dad.

You should hear some of the racial
epithets this guy was using in there.

- It's disgusting.
- My father has dementia, Larry.

- Oh, that's an excuse?
- Yes.

That racism is in there somewhere.
It's like a drunk--

What, they're saying these things because
they're drunk? No, it's in there.

Larry, I'm not gonna listen
to this anymore, all right?

You abuse my father in scrabble--
A game he loves, okay?

I didn't b*at him.
The one-armed man did it.

- I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, Larry.
- Fine.

- Because I'm getting really upset here.
- Fine, I'm leaving.

You know what?
I'm gonna find that one-armed man

and I'm gonna bring him to you.

You'll see.
You'll see.

So a one-armed man

playing scrabble
with a r*cist judge?

What did he say
that was so r*cist?

- I can't even repeat it-- Disgusting.
- Really?

So I told Henry and he says,
"no no, he's got dementia.

It's not racism.
It's dementia."

All right, now get to
your left a little bit.

Yeah, Henry's using
the dementia

as an excuse for the racism.

- There's a fine line there.
- Dementia has nothing to do with racism.

I know. My grandfather
had dementia.

He wasn't a r*cist.

He thought I was his dead
sister, but he wasn't a r*cist.

Did you look like
your great-aunt?

- You know what? I actually did.
- Really?

I swear to God,
I looked exactly--

- ( laughing )
- I looked exactly like her.

She was the belle of Brighton.

This thing is so great.
I mean, it's unbelievable.

Three blocks ahead I see
we're heading for trouble.

Three blocks ahead there's
a guy with his truck.

- Let me take a look.
- All right.

Oh my-- Jeff,

it's the one-armed man.
I swear to God.

He's crossing the street.
Check it out.

I see one arm. Are you sure
that's the right one-armed man?

- That's him.
- Okay, he's going down the street over there.

I want to track him down.

Stay in the right lane.

- Stay to your right.
- Okay.

Damn it, where is he?

Right down there!

I can't turn down that block.
It's one-way.

All right, go down.
We'll make a right.

We'll head him off at the pass.

- ( Tires screech )
Jeff: - Go go go.

( Honks Horn )

All right, make a right.
Make a right.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Beautiful!
Look at that-- Beautiful.

So he should be
anywhere up here.

This is it.
This is the block.

- Anywhere up here.
- Where the hell is he?

It's him! Hey, look out!

Wait, hey!

He went down to the subway.

sh*t.

That was him.

( Phone ringing )

Sorry.
Sorry about that.

Hello.

- Hey, it's Terry. How's it going?
- Oh, hey Terry.

Listen, I'm sorry to do this, but
I gotta cancel today's 2,00.

Oh. Okay, fine.
But I'll see you tomorrow at 2,00.

I don't have my book
in front of me,

but we can definitely
work something out.

What do you mean,
work something out?

I have a 2,00. I don't get it.
What are we working out?

Listen, I'm spotting somebody
right now at the gym.

I gotta run.
Take care. Bye.

Larry, as your
business manager,

I cannot advocate you putting
your money into this.

An automobile periscope--
It's nutty.

I don't like my clients
to invest in inventions.

I had a client--
He threw away millions

on a two-part ski that would
come together like a pool cue.

- What?
- Millions of dollars he lost on a nutty idea like that.

Are you serious? That's my idea.
I had that idea.

People's legs
would snap like that.

I don't think so.
They could perfect that.

And you'd be carrying it
like a pool cue.

I mean, I love your exuberance

and your enthusiasm
for inventions,

but it shows that in this area

your judgment is not good.

All right, can I
tell you something?

I believe in this inventor.

Why?

Have you done a background check?
I mean, inventors--

- He has-- He has character.
- ( Phone rings )

- I know it when I see it.
- I'm sorry.

Yeah, send her in, sure.

- Is it okay if my wife comes in for a moment?
- Sure.

- Hi honey. How are you?
- Hi. Good.

- Sorry to interrupt.
- Britney, this is Larry. Larry.

Larry, nice to meet you.
I'm just coming by

to make sure that you're
okay for the Hamptons.

- All good.
- 4,00, the car will be downstairs waiting for you.

- Okay. - All right? Can't wait.

- Love you.
- You too.

Nice to meet you.

That's your wife?

Yes.

Oh my God.

I don't think we can
work together anymore.

What are you
talking about? Why?

She's beautiful.

Yes, thank you.

I don't like what that
says about you.

What does it say about me?
It says I have good judgment.

It says you're a very
superficial man.

- Superficial?
- No depth.

You can't Judge me because
I have a beautiful wife.

Eh, I think I can.

I can't trust you with my money.
I'm sorry.

- Larry, come on.
- Sorry, Nathan.

I'll--
I'll be in touch.

Sorry-- Sorry
it didn't work out.

- So moist.
- Yeah.

Very moist.

- I'm really full.
- You ate a lot.

- That was good.
- Gaby, How could you not? It's so good.

I don't want to be pushy
or anything like that,

but I know that
you drove the car

and I just wanted to know
how you felt about it.

Well, you know,
we drove it and...

All right.

( All laughing )

- Oh my God.
- Oh my God, oh my God.

- That is-- Oh my God.
- Can I honestly say

you are the first inventor
I've ever handed a check to?

Larry: - Me too. Me too.
- ( Laughing ) Oh my.

- You won't regret this.
- I don't think we will.

I gotta tell you something--
We had so much fun

using the prototype,
you have no idea.

We love it.
We just love it.

- Is the car outside?
- Let me show you where it is.

I'm gonna get him into the
prototype, get him his keys back.

All right?
We'll be back.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Oh yeah, okay.

- I'll meet you outside.
- I'm gonna just have a little bit more.

- Thank you for your trust.
- You're welcome.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Okay, guys. It's so good.

You know, I was
actually planning

on taking that dish
home with me.

Oh yeah.
Well, not now.

( Both laughing )

We could get you another one.
I'll pay for it if you want.

Larry: It's not the money.
I did order it.

Gaby: Mm, that's so good.

( Laughs )

You know, it's so wonderful

that we're gonna be working
like this together,

- don't you think?
- I know.

Larry: I know.
I'm so happy.

( Larry and Gaby giggling )

You're so funny.

( Larry gibbering )

- Oh, I'm feeling faint. I'm feeling faint, hold on.
- Are you?

- I just need a shoulder to rest on for a second.
- Oh, lie down, rest.

- I just need to rest for second.
- Oh my God, God forbid.

It's all right.
It's okay.

( Grunts ).

Why don't you go
meet up with them?

- Okay, thank you.
- Okay? You're welcome.

I'm so full.
( Chuckles )

Hey hey.
Bye.

Bye.
Love you too.

- Henry.
- Great to run into you again.

- What a surprise.
- Total surprise. Total surprise.

Um, who was that?

Oh, that was my girlfriend.

She seems lovely.

She is--
She is the best.

I can tell.
You guys--

I'm gonna marry her
if she'll have me.

- Really?
- Makes me feel so good.

Henry, I like myself
when I'm with her.

Larry, it's so clear
that I misjudged you.

And I can see now

you are a man
of great character.

You got that right.

I just would like to apologize

for my behavior at the party.

Henry, I don't mind
telling you it stung.

Are we all right?

We're fine. We're cool.
We are so cool.

- Thank you.
- All right.

- Thank you. Um...
- Okay, all right.

Anything else?

I was wondering
if I could ask you

to do me a huge favor.

Sure.

My dad goes to the park
every day to play scrabble.

I think it'd be wonderful
if you showed up...

Oh, here you go.

H-a-d--

- "Had."
- Had?

Four and one--
Five and two is seven.

Had? That's all you
can think of-- Had?

I guess I'm just not
a very good player.

- I'm doing the best I can.
- Oh, I can't believe that.

I'm sorry.
I'm just not that good.

C-o-o-n.

co*n?

co*n.

Okay, that's not a word,
all right?

- Oh, it is.
- No no.

That's a racial epithet.
That's not a word.

Oh no?
Just look around you.

They're all over the park.

We're surrounded,

and after I put
half of them away.

Okay, Judge.

You know what?
I'm gonna give you "co*n."

That's big of you.

Let's play some scrabble.

I'm ready.
I'm waiting.

Huh? Let's play.

Hey.

Hey.

- Uh, hey.
- Hey, Lar.

What are you doing, Terry?

I-- This is
a little awkward.

We're working out.
He's great.

This is my time.

- Look at me, Larry.
- Yeah.

Who would you rather run
around the park with, huh?

Why did you give her my time?

Just-- To be totally
honest, Larry,

she's paying me
a little bit more.

Oh, that's great.

- It's nothing personal.
- I have more to lose. I have more to lose.

This is my time, Wanda.
This is not your time.

Why don't you guys
figure this out?

Let me know what you decide.

I-- Sorry.

This is-- Yeah.

Why are you imposing
on my time right here?

Imposing on your time?
I recommended him to you.

Larry, 2,00 is
my only open time.

It's my only open time too.

I don't know
what to do here, okay?

I'm sorry.

We're clearly
at an impasse here.

What do you want to do?

I don't know.
What do you want to do?

- I got an idea.
- What?

- You know Judge Horn from TV?
- Oh yeah.

He's an impartial third party.

Why don't we let him decide?
He's neutral.

Yeah, let's do it.

Whatever he decides
we'll abide by.

Yeah, he's a Judge.
Okay.

- All right, we'll tell it to the Judge.
- Okay, whatever he says goes.

- Whatever he says goes.
- That's it.

- That's it.
- All right.

Wanda: Hey Judge.

No, don't worry
about Wanda, Terry.

We-- You know, we kind of
worked things out.

Good.
Thank you.

All right,
so same time-- 2,00?

Yeah, tomorrow 2,00.

- Great. I'll see you tomorrow.
- All right.

Look forward to it.
Okay.

- Hey hey hey hey.
- I know, I know.

- Come on, come on.
- He's all over me.

- I don't like it.
- He doesn't care.

I will get the hell out of here
if I see any touching at all.

- Oh stop.
- I find human contact repulsive.

- Okay okay.
- I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

- Want some?
- No, I'm good, thanks.

I'll have some.

I can't wait to see this movie.

It's gonna be great.

Yeah.

- I'm looking forward to it.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna use the bathroom
before the movie.

- I'll see you inside.
- Okay, yeah.

I'll hold your popcorn.

Eh, not necessary.

It's no problem. You want to go to the bathroom.
I'll hold your popcorn for you.

No no, I'll just take it into
the bathroom. It's fine.

You're gonna take your
popcorn into the bathroom?

That's disgusting.

Don't leave your popcorn
in the bathroom.

The people and the
skeevotz-- It's disgusting.

No no no, I hold on to it.
I actually-- I munch and pee.

- No no, you can't.
- You munch and pee?

Yeah, I like to munch and pee.

- Really?
- Why don't you want me to hold the popcorn?

- Because obviously there's a problem.
- There's no problem.

No, there's a little bit
of a problem there.

Look, it's my popcorn.
It's not necessary.

You don't want me to hold
the popcorn, right?

Because what, you think
I'm gonna eat your popcorn?

Eat my popcorn?
That's--

Are you worried she's
gonna eat your popcorn?

- Are you crazy?
- I'm really uncomfortable with this.

- What are you talking about?
- This is my wife.

- Yes yes, I know.
- Larry, this is my wife. And you're accusing her.

- I don't think I can be in business with you.
- What?

- This is really bad. You can take your check.
- Are you nuts?

- I'm a man of integrity.
- Yeah, I know.

Obviously.
I mean, that's why we--

Obviously?

What's that?

What the f*ck does that mean?

No, only that, you know,
he's a great inventor and--

Hold this.

What the f*ck
does that mean, huh?

What are you--?
Oh here, take the popcorn.

Here, you can hold it.
Hold it.

Take the popcorn.
Here, take it.

I don't want it.
Take it.

Arghh!

- Thanks for coming in, Larry.
- Pleasure.

I don't know how many other business
managers you're meeting with, but...

I'm seeing a few more.

All right.
Well, listen,

I just wanted to give you
a little bit of an idea

of what it's like
to invest with me.

I'm somewhat risk-averse.

I would never, for instance,
push you to something--

What was it? The-- Those
screw-together skis I heard about,

which was-- Everyone just
took an absolute bath.

- Oh, that ski idea.
- Yeah, it was unbelievable.

- How stupid was that?
- A lot of money lost.

But somebody came to me
with an idea.

I find myself saying it's
a multimillion-dollar idea.

It's a car periscope.

That's not gonna work.
I can't do it.

I have a personal issue
with the inventor,

so I'm out of that.

Oh, that is unfortunate.

You think that's
a multimillion-dollar idea?

Me personally-- I think
it's a billion-dollar idea.

Oh God.

And that's--
Ask around.

But as you make the rounds,
as you make the rounds,

I just want you to definitely
definitely definitely keep us in mind.

Okay, I will.

- And give a call--
- Who's that?

Oh, that's my wife Amanda.

That's your wife?

Yep, met in college--
20 years.

You're hired.

Hey! Hey!

- You.
- Oh sh*t.

I've been looking for you.

You got me in a lot of trouble
with that scrabble game.

What are you talking about?

What were you doing
in that apartment anyway?

None of your f*cking business.

Hey, what are you doing?
I was here first.

Are you upstreaming me?
You can't upstream me.

- Up what? What are you--?
- I was here first.

- What are you--?
- Taxi!

What are you doing?
Get out of here. Taxi!

- What, are you crazy?
- Taxi!

- That's my cab.
- Where?

Taxi!

- My cab.
- What? Hey.

That's my cab, buddy.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Man:
I told you--

Get your own cab!

( Judge Horn moans )

Dad!

Dad, oh my God.
Dad!

Who did this to you?

A one-armed man!

( Theme music playing )