02x04 - The Book of Jenesis

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Second Jen". Aired: October 2016 to present.
"Second Jen" follows two young Asian Canadian women experiencing the ups and downs of being independent after moving out of their parents' homes for the first time.
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02x04 - The Book of Jenesis

Post by bunniefuu »



Jen-esis! Mo-wgli!

It's me, Karen, from, like,

your most-cherished memories.

If I die and all that flashes
before my eyes are

Karen memories,
know that my soul departed

in extreme indifference.

So, I brought you some
backup bridesmaid dresses.

I know there were some sizing
issues with the originals.

Don't fret.

I had a problem with one of my
several wedding dresses, too,

way too loose on the hips.

Oh, eat a hotdog, Karen!

And, I wanted to invite you
to a super cool

underground warehouse dance party rave.

Neat-oh!

No, I wanted to invite you, not you.

You two can do things separately, right?

(GASPS) Or are you
like those twins who can

see through each other's eyes?

- JEN: No!
- MO: Yes!





How come I'm not invited?

Well, it's sort of a hip,
sort of raw, sort of

badass thing, and you're, you know, you.

That's true.

I can be badass. This ass is bad a lot.

Oh, it's okay, Jenny penny.

There's a fundraiser at
St. Peter's Church and

when I thought, who can I
invite to volunteer,

I obvi thought of you.

Why didn't you obvi think of me?

Because it's you. (SNICKERS)

That's true.

I can go to a church-y thing-y.

I was raised Catholic.
Plus, I'm not a bad person

just because I steal people's
lunches, and transit passes,

and EpiPens.

Yeah, and I'm not some goody
two-shoes just because

I arrive oddly early to things,

sometimes days in advance.

Okay, okay, Mo.

You can come to the fundraiser.

And I can come to the rave?

No, I still want to continue
enjoying the respect of

my very cool peers.

So, when you say volunteer,
you mean paid volunteer?

(LAUGHS)

(WHISPERS) She's not joking.



Mine looks like something
you'd bury a medieval nun in.

At least you're not gonna
spend all night

picking shrimp tails
out of your cleavage.

Well, I'll definitely need
something cooler for tonight.

When Karen sees how badass I am today,

she'll totally take
me to that rave dance.

Why do you want to go to a rave anyway?

Don't you normally spend
Friday nights writing

your Wuthering Heights
erotic fan fiction?

I'm just tired of being
seen as a straight-A,

straight-laced super kid.

It's better than being
seen as a bad person.

Mo! You're not a bad person.

Thank you!

You just do really, really bad things.



(SIGHS)

Oh!

I am surprised, Mo.

I really thought this would
be more of a Jen thing.

Well, I didn't peg you
for the religious type.

Oh, I'm not religious.

I'm an unaffiliated spiritual deist.

I just have so much to give. You know?

Of course, you know:
You've seen my house.

Oh...

Mo, those are for the disadvantaged

members of society.

Hey, I am a -foot-tall woman of colour

with a low chin to jaw ratio.

Also, I ate breakfast
out of a birdfeeder.



(COUGHS) Fireball.

It's like Valentine's
Day spit in my mouth.

(PHONE RINGS)

Baby bra!

It's your badass older
sister calling and

I need you to hook me up.

Hook you up with who, like a therapist?

No, not a "who", a "what".
The weed, Eric.

I want to purchase some and I
don't want it to be laced...

- Whatever that is.
- Go get it yourself.

There are, like,
dispensaries by your place.

Oh, I thought those were vegan cafes.

Also, I don't smoke weed,

so I'm probably gonna tell mom and dad.

Eric, no!

What kind of millennial are you?

Why aren't you on the weed?

Are you drunk?

Let's just say, that a lot
of people left a lot of

kind of booze at my last party. (LAUGHS)

You're day drinking left over liquor?

Don't answer; I'm disappointed.

'Kay, bye!

No! (GRUNTS)

Oh-kay.

Egh! Malibu...

Tastes like grade vomit.



(SIGHS)



Great job, Mo-Mo!
Now, all we need you to do

is assemble the tables and the chairs,

take out those clothing care packages,

and... decorate.

And, what are you gonna do?

- Supervise!
- Cool...

Then I'm gonna supervise
these cookies into my mouth.

Oh, I knew this was more of a Jen thing.

Oh, come on!

I just carried boxes of cookies

and boxes of clothes
up flights of stairs.

God is dazzled.

And honestly, who else
is there to impress?



Hi, Diego!

Oh my God.



Let's go, people.

These clothing care packages
won't assemble themselves.

Hi... You must be Diego.

And you must be an angel.

Oh, damn, that's a good line.

That's what we call
the volunteers here, angels.

Too bad; I'm rolling with this.

It's nice to meet you.

Jennifer, as in St. Jennifer.

Like the patron saint of disasters?

And fevers!

Yeah, maybe just call me Mo.

(LAUGHS)



Dear sir or madam, I got
your email from Craigslist

and thought that you might be
able to provide me with some...

(WHISPERS) marijuana.

Spell check.



Your favourite game is Chrono Trigger?!

That's so cool!

Oh... (LAUGHS)

Sorry, I'm not good around...

Mittens. Same.

I'm , I still need an idiot string.

(LAUGHS)

I was gonna say cool girls.

I can't believe we both
like video games and

Norwegian Forest cats.

And, we both hate Men In Black one,

but love Men In Black II.

They were finding the characters
the first time around.

And, we're both religious!



Yeah!



- (PHONE RINGS)
- (LAUGHS) So bad.

Yello?

Jen, I think Karen Was right - I'm bad.

I've already broken
most of the commandments.

I've lied, I used the
Lord's name in vain,

and I stole cookies from disadvantaged

members of society!

You are a -pound minimum wage worker

with chronically inflamed adenoids.

You are a disadvantaged
member of society.

You feel me.

What'd you lie about?

Hey, I haven't seen you at mass here.

What church do you go to?

Ah... all of them.

Well, stick with it.

You know, for a hot second,

I was struggling with
being bad, but now...

let's just say it's o'clock somewhere.

It's o'clock here.

It's : , actually.

Sambuca, tastes like the inside of

an old Chippendale dancer.
(DISCONNECTED SIGNAL)

Hello?



It's really nice to meet
another young person

who's not afraid to have
God in their life.

In my life, in my heart, in my house.

God is basically stalking me.

People hear "Catholic" and they think of

all the stereotypes.

But, I'm a big supporter of
LGBTQ rights and pro-choice.

That is very cool.

For me, the church has always been about

helping out others.

- Community.
- I like that.

Kindness, generosity...

- Honesty.
- Agh!

(PHONE RINGS)

Mo! I am being so bad.
I'm eating unborn cookies!

Also, I'm going to make a booty call.

Enough out of your mouth.
Listen to my mouth!

I think Diego might be converting me.

Or, is it reverting me?
It doesn't matter,

because once he finds out I'm a liar,

he's gonna drop me like
Cain dropped Abel.

Who's Diego?

Just this perfect Catholic guy.

If a good person was here,

they would tell you to be honest.

I'm basically Catholic.
Both my parents are Catholic.

Mo, religion is not a race.

Tell that to the American news media.



(KNOCKS)

You emailed me?

Hey! You're the nurse
from Karen's clinic!

Come...

What are you doing selling drug stuff?

Well, I got kids by fathers;

you do the math.

Anywho... What are you looking for?

I got uppers, downers, ravers,

casuals, organics, free-range.

I'm after some reefer, cannabis, dope,

grass, Maui Wowie, little ganja.

Okay, there is a dispensary
directly across the street.

I thought that was an improv theater?

It also is. But, I did get
out of bed this morning.

So, I've got sativas, indicas, hybrids.

I've got some Champagne Kush,

Bullrider, Fort Collins Cough,

Mendo Purps, a little bit of White Fire.

I have some Alanis.
I'm out of Morissette's.

I got some Wilfrid Laurier,
I've got some Baby's Breath,

I've got some Grandpa's Diapie.

And, my personal favourite, Placemat.

Awesome! Which one's weed?

Are you a narc?



Mo, why is Jen CC'ing me
on all of her drug emails?

And why did she start
that hashtag "rave ready"?

I'm a devout Catholic, Karen.

Not gossiping gives me
a real pocket rocket.

If you are going to
pretend to be religious,

you might want to avoid
the term "pocket rocket".

Who's pretending?

You, to impress the
world's cutest Catholic.

Why would I do that?

Dude doesn't even seem that Catholic.

So, I think tomorrow I'll
start off with an intro.

Something like,

"This one goes out to a
very special someone.

You know who you are."

Ever since you came into my life,

my world's a whole lot brighter.

♪ WHEN I SEE YOU, MY HEART FREEZES. ♪

♪ WHEN YOU TALK, MY SOUL RELEASES. ♪

♪ WITHOUT YOU, I'D FALL TO PIECES. ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU... ♪

I love you, too.

♪ I LOVE YOU, JESUS. ♪



- God damn!
- Sh!



I gotta ask - Why the sudden dark turn,

lamer Bobbsey Twin?

Everybody just thinks
I'm a goody two-shoes.

But there is more to
me than punctuality and

extraordinary scheduling.

Okay... You don't like labels.

"Good", "bad'; that's what those are.

You think I like labels? "Nurse", "mom".

- "Drug dealer".
- No, that one I like.

Listen, nobody's just one thing.

You're not good or bad. You're both.

That's really wise.

Yeah, I'm crazy stoned right now.

I'm kidding. (LAUGHS)

I'm pregnant, which
is like being stoned,

except absolutely awful.

Okay... (GRUNTS)

My kids are in the van
with the window cracked.

But, if you're not done dipping a toe

into the dark side...

Try one of these.

But just one!

I don't want to be responsible for you

seeing your worst future
in household objects.

Or your best future,

'cause that'll eventually
disappoint you.




This sucks. I don't feel anything.



Oh, there it is.



(PANTING)

Burn off the gummy calories.

Burn off the gummy effect.

(LAUGHS) Right, Mo?

(PANTING)

Oh... You're the goody two-shoes.

Oh, God.

This dress is a prison for my flesh.

I'm 'a Cinderella this bitch.



Oh my God, I look gorgeous!

Time to booty call.



So, what's everyone's favourite saint?

Look, I've never boinked anyone;

that's gotta be like a
million Pope points, right?

Well, it's nice to meet a young lady

who keeps her pocket
rocket in her pants.

(LAUGHS)

You feel me.

(CLAP)

Diego, you found a nice Catholic girl.

I'm impressed.

Oh, well, um...

I was gonna do this, but
when we're done setting up,

Mo, would you like to lead us in prayer?

Oh! Ah!

- Uh...
- Yeah, seriously.

(AWKWARD LAUGH)



Booty... Booty.

Booty, booty, booty,
booty, booty, booty.

(LAUGHS) Okay.

(KNOCKS)

Hello, booty call!

Ah...

Oh my God. Jen, are you okay?

Speaking of getting it on...

Wow, you have, like, no pores.

Ah...

Thank you?

Let's get you home.



Okay, we're gonna bring you down now.

I hear you, but I don't
understand you because

all your words turn into
rivers of dragons.

Yeah, you've shaken hands with my girl,

Mary Jane, tonight.

I just remembered the ocean's a thing.

It's big, too big.

I'm guessing you don't
partake in the green too often.

I don't partake in anything too often.

My mom won't let me.

And now, I won't let me because issues.

But, I'm tired of being seen
as this uptight goody-goody.

Well, I don't see you that way.

Crap, did I do a weird kiss?

No.

Did I pass the highness onto you?

That's impossible.

Because the highness
was in us all along?

I should go.

That was bad. Wasn't it, Mo?



Jen, I haven't led a
prayer since church camp.

What if I do it wrong and
they're not blessed properly,

and then, they all end up going to he...

Mo, I don't want to be bad anymore

'cause I'm not bad, or good.

I'm both. I'm bood!

Great, I'm having a metaphysical crisis.

I'll rescue you;
that's what bood people do!

But do you think the
ceiling mold looks like

an old man's face because I do.

♪ (ORGAN)

A reading from the book of...

Revelations! Oh, wow.

"The fearful and unbelieving
idolaters and all liars...

shall have their part in the
lake which burneth

with fire and brimstone."

♪ (ORGAN)

Okay, um...

Here's a nicer one. Book of John.

"God is greater than our hearts...

and knows all things"?

♪ (ORGAN)

I think what John is saying
is that it doesn't matter

what we call ourselves,
or what others call us.

We know our own truth and that truth is

made up of a lot of things.

Faith is made up of a lot of things.

Goodness is made up
of a lot of things...

And that's okay.

(APPLAUSE)

(GASPS)

Jen, you came.
You really are a good person.

Turns out I'm fine.

- I got this.
- What?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Ah! The word of God...

We're not gonna need that.

See, my drug dealer
once told me it's up...

to you... Even you, sir.

To decide your truth!

Screw the rules! Do what you want!

Can I get an, "Amen"?!



So, I may not be as church-y
as I led you to believe.

Yeah, I figured that when
you described the Beatitudes

as a real "pocket rocket" of a chapter.

(LAUGHS)

Well, look...

I don't go to church.
I don't go to confession.

I don't even know
what I believe in, just that,

someone or something must
be watching over me,

if I have a friend willing
to rush across town

tripping absolute balls...

just to save me.

Well, you know what my favourite
part of Catholicism is?

Forgiveness.

What, do I have cookie on my face?

Um...

♪ (ORGAN)

Do you want to go
smooch in the parking lot?

- Yep!
- (LAUGHS)



Hey. How you feeling?

Listen, I wanted to
apologize for earlier.

I've never done a booty call before.

Well, yeah, the call part's
not usually done in-person.

Well, that's good to know.

Listen, I was wondering if maybe
when I'm lucid we could...

- I'm seeing someone.
- Oh!

Well... congrats!

It's my ex. We're getting back together.

Look, I wasn't planning this.

And if I was still
single maybe we could...

Oh, don't worry about it.

I mean, there's plenty
of booty for me to call.

I'd love to still try
hanging out as friends

if you're up for it?

- Definitely.
- Thanks, Jen.

You are a... really good person.

Yeah, I've been told.

(LAUGHS)

Why?!

I can still hear and see you.

'Kay, thanks. Bye!



Ugh! (GROANS)



I can't believe I got
excommunicated from a church

I'm not even a part of.

It's kind of a miracle.

Jennifer Wu, that was a
one-of-a-kind Versace dress!

Yeah, but it wasn't me.

It cost me thousands of dollars!

Wish I'd known that
before the candy weed.

Karen, I want to be there
for you on your big day,

but I gots to be me.

And this dress, wasn't me.

I could have returned it!

Yeah, I'm not feeling mine either.

Can't go strapless with these.

It's like supporting a
family on a single income.

Fine! You can choose your own dresses!

But just make sure
that they are tasteful,

and elegant, and midnight plum.

Just say purple.

And the wedding is in months,

so don't dawdle.

You know, I have to admit,

that was pretty badass
back at the church.

So, if you still want to rave...

Actually, I don't
think raves are for me.

Yeah! That's what I said originally!



Oh! So good.
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