08x04 - Like Hell

[bunniefuu]

This restaurant's
supposed to be incredible.

Yeah, I hope you know
what you're ordering,

'cause I'm gonna hit
the ground runnin'.

- I know the drill.
- All right.

Uhp!
You just passed a spot.

I can do better than that.

OK, what was wrong
with that spot?

It's too tight.

Yeah. That's why the
Hummer's backin' into it.

That's all right.
Uh! Here we go.

Here we go, here we go.

And it's a moped.

That's selfish!

OK, honey.
All right. Oh. Oh.

That woman's
getting into her car.

Oh. OK.

Oh, come on.

Gotta put the baby
in the car seat.

Unbelievable.

We never had car seats,
and we're fine.

- Nope.
- You know?

Come on, lady.

I'm gettin' too much heat.
I'm outta here.

I can't believe
we're going around again!

You know what? Clam it. OK?
Thank you.

- I will find us a spot.
- Like the one you just missed?

Because your giant head
was in the way!

You know what? I'm not even
hungry anymore. Just take me home.

Fine. You know what?
You wanna go home?

You can go home.
But you're walkin', sister.

Fine.
Let me out.

Get out!
Out you go!

Go!

- Happy anniversary!
- Same to you!

I'm just sayin'.
I've delivered to hot people.

I've delivered to naked people.

They're never the same people.

You know, one time I delivered
to a guy with Spock ears.

You always gotta
steal my thunder, huh?

- Hey, Deac.
- Oh, hey, man.

Hey, who had this locker before me?

Uh... Gomez.

Yeah, well, uh, judging
from the pictures he left up,

he liked the big girls, huh?

Yes, she did.

Oh, hey, uh, I'm havin'
a barbecue this Saturday.

I'd love for you and
the family to stop by.

Oh. Cool, man.

Here's the where and the when.

What's up with the new guy?

Oh, he's havin' a
barbecue this Saturday.

He just invited me.

Oh, suckin' up to the veterans.
I like his style.

Question is,
will I be in the mood

to eat more Sauerkraut
than people should?

Magic -ball says...

- Jared, my man. What's up?
- Hey. Not much, Doug.

That was, uh...
That was weird.

So those, uh, tips I gave
you on the flushing route--

They help you out, or...

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.

Ah! See what we got here
in the old chips department.

Ooh!

Barbecue.

My magic -ball says...
that was hard to watch.

Oh, good, honey, you're here.

Listen. For the new tiles
in the bathroom--

Do you like the ash
or the gray?

Hmm. I'm gonna say ash 'cause
it sounds like a bad word.

Ash.

Thanks for the input, buddy.

All right. Um, I guess
we'll just figure it out

on Saturday when we
go to the tile place.

Whoa, whoa.
We can't go on Saturday.

Why not?

'Cause Jared, the new driver,
he's havin' a barbecue.

Oh, OK.
What time is it?

- I don't know.
- Where is it?

- I'm not sure.
- When will you know?

Can't say.

What keeps me
from cheating on you?

The thing is, he's invited
almost everybody else but me.

It just-- I don't know.
It doesn't make sense.

Oh. Well... maybe the guy
just doesn't like you.

What?!

OK. Carrie, do you
realize who I am at work?

I mean, people fight to sit
next to me at the lunch table.

I mean, everybody thinks I'm--

And I'm a little bit
embarrassed to say it--

Delightful.

OK.

You know what it is?
I got it.

He's probably-- he's
probably afraid to invite me

'cause he thinks
I'm gonna say no.

That's, uh... yeah.

I'm like the pretty girl who
doesn't get asked to the prom.

Wow. That's one
rough high school.

Honey, come on. So one guy
at work doesn't like you?

What's the big deal?

Because it bothers me, OK?

Believe me, I wish I
could be more like you,

just let it roll off my back.

What do you mean?

Well, you know... nobody
likes you at work,

and you don't care.
It's... you know.

What?
Everybody at work likes me.

- How-how 'bout Michelle?
- Ah. Michelle's a bitch.

Javier?
Marcy?

The guy in the wheelchair?

OK. You know what?
Everybody at work likes me,

and you just lost your ash.

Ash.

Hi, guys.

Do you need somethin'?

Nope. Just sayin' hi.

Oh.

OK.

Hi.

Oh, and I finally...
I saw that movie.

- Oh, it took you long enough.
- Oh, I loved it!

It's hysterical, right?

Yes. Especially when
they stole the car--

- Ha ha!
- That was so funny!

What's up?
Ha ha!

Oh, I... I better
get back to work.

Uh, yeah, us, too.

Hi, Carrie.
Oh, Lisa, thank god.

What's the matter?

Let me ask you a question.

Um...
Around the office.

Am I, uh...
Am I liked?

I like you a lot!

I know. I know you do. But,
um... what about everybody else?

Oh. No, they don't.

Doug was right!

Well, it's not your fault. I mean,
you're always so busy working,

you probably don't
have time to be... nice.

You know what? If that's
all people care about

around here, I can play
the nice game.

There are a million things

I could do to show
everybody how nice I am.

Huh!

Well, what can I do?

Um... w... well,

you could help me file
these credit reports.

Oh, come on. Get serious.
That's not gonna do it.

I need somethin'... somethin'
flashy. You know what I mean?

Somethin' to get people
talkin' around here.

What-what's that one's
name over there?

The one with the frizzy hair
and the earth shoes?

- Dawn.
- Dawn. That's right.

I'm gonna ride her frumpy ass
all the way to niceville.

Hey.

I think I figured out

why the new guy didn't
invite me to his barbecue.

Great.
Now I can sleep.

Remember last week
at lunch when I said

anybody who likes
sourdough bread is a douche?

No.

OK, what's the point of Doug's
food roundup if no one listens?

Yeah, well, what about it?

When I said that, he gave
me, like, a look. You know?

Maybe he likes sourdough bread.
Maybe I offended the guy.

Uh-huh...

What?

Hello! Go ask him
if he likes sourdough bread.

What?!
I'm not gonna do that!

Come on!
You owe me!

For what?

All right, I'll owe you.
Just do it.

Oh, jeez.

Hey, um...

He's never had sourdough.

Dammit!

Well, it's gotta be something.

Hey, wait a second.
Does he know I live locally?

Does he know I live locally?

No.

He thinks you fly in from your
ranch to deliver packages.

I gotta figure this out.

You know what?

Just go over there
and ask him if he likes me.

Just do it, man!

I'm too old for this crap.

Take me or leave me?

Take me or leave me?!

Can you believe he said that?!

Doug, these pizza rolls
are incredible.

What's your secret?

Soak 'em in bacon grease.
Where does a rookie driver

get off saying he can
take me or leave me?

If anything, I should
be takin' or leavin' him!

All right, can we
please watch the game?

Hey.
If you care that much...

I could bring you to the
barbecue as my plus one.

Yeah.
I'm invited.

And he's even boardin' his
cat because of my allergies.

This-this is a nightmare,
you know.

My kid got stitches last month.
Didn't whine as much as you.

You know what?
I'm done. I don't care.

He doesn't want to invite me,
that's his problem.

OK? Anyway, Carrie and I
are gonna kick it

at the tile store
on Saturday, so...

I don't need to go to his
little party anyway.

We're not gonna have time.

- Well, good for you.
- It is good for me. Bad for him. OK?

He's not gonna have this floatin'
in his pool. Game over. I win.

Hey, me and Dawn
are back from lunch.

What'd we miss?

Dawn, my god!

You look amazing!

Carrie took me for a
complete makeover.

- Wow! I almost didn't recognize you.
- Incredible!

Carrie, that is so nice of you.

Yeah, yeah.
That's exactly what it is.

You know...

No one's ever done anything
like this for me before.

Thank you, Carrie.

Ohhh... ohhh...
Ohhh...

Precious angel.

OK.

All righty! Come on.
No more tears.

That mascara's not waterproof,

and we still need to show you off
to the guys in accounting.

OK?

Hey, man.

Oh, yeah. Hey.

I like your shirt.

Hey, you want half my sandwich?

No, I'm good.
Thanks.

It's prosciutto.
That's ham for rich people.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Right.

This guy's outta control!

Yeah!

Hi.

Make it fast, Heffernan.
I'm tryin' to get outta here, huh?

Yeah.
It'll just take a second.

It's about the, uh,
new guy-- Robinson?

Oh, yeah. Uh, do you know
if we're supposed to wear

a swimsuit
to this barbecue thing?

'Cause... I always end up
guessin' wrong.

Actually, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about.

Uh... see, I don't know
if it's been brought

to your attention or not,

but not everybody's
been invited,

and I think that's
kinda bad for morale.

So, who didn't get invited?

As far as I know, just me and,
uh... the recycling guy.

Oh, no, no. Teemu's goin'.
He's my ride.

Heffernan, what's goin' on?

It's just... this whole
thing's just drivin' me crazy.

I don't understand why
the guy doesn't like me.

- I've tried everything.
- Did you do the spoon trick?

Well, you know what helps when
you're feelin' a little down?

Delivering packages.

I know, sir, but look.

Do you have any out-of-town
runs comin' up at all?

Yeah.
Why?

- Send me away with Jared.
- What?

If I can get him
alone for a few hours,

I know I can make it
right between us.

Come on. Please?

I promise you
I'll work the next Saturdays.

Well, not this Saturday
'cause it's the barbecue.

All right.

Thank you.
Thank you, sir.

Let's see. Uh, I got some
computer junk goin' to Pittsburgh.

Hmm.
Not lovin' Pittsburgh.

All right.
Well,

I got somethin' that's goin' up
to a place on Lake George.

Oh, a lake.

Magic can happen.

Carrie...
I found this on my desk.

Is it from you?

Did I hear somebody
liked hydrangeas?

I think I did.

You are the best.

Ha ha.
Right back at ya, honey.

Hey, Carr. Thanks
for the salsa lessons.

Oh, de nada, baby.

Hey, Carrie.

Whoa! There she is.
Hey, didn't I tell you

that outfit would
look great on you?

You were right.

Thanks for everything.

Hey, where are those
earrings I told you to buy?

Oh, actually,
I don't have pierced ears.

I've always been kind
of afraid of doing that.

Well, that's OK.
At lunch, mama'll get you liquored up,

and pop, pop, we're done.

- I guess.
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, Jared, I believe
the lake is that way.

Actually, it might be this way.

Tom, we're coworkers.

Of course I'll take care of
your owl while you're away.

OK. No problem.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye-bye.

Oh, by the way, I'm gonna
be home late tomorrow.

Why?

Oh, I got an upstate run
with the new guy-Jared.

Ohhh.

You wanna look good
for your boyfriend.

OK, he's not my boyfriend!
OK?! Get that straight!

I'm so fat.

Listen, buddy, daddy
wants to be at your play

more than anything
in the world tonight,

but I can't.
I gotta work.

Hey, now, come on.
My big guy doesn't cry.

Right?

OK. I love you, and
I'll see you tomorrow.

Next exit--
Wetzel's pretzels.

I can't believe O'Boyle
put me on this thing.

I told him my kid
had a play tonight.

Yeah. He's a tool.

I'll tell you what
this road trip needs

is some tune-age.
Huh?

Nah. I-I kinda like
the Bee Gees.

Oh. All right.
No problem.

Where are you?

Where are you?!

It's no big deal.

No, no.
You want Jive Talkin',

you're gettin' Jive Talkin',
my friend.

It's not a problem.

It's over.
I'm sorry.

It's OK.

Dammit.

Hi, Carrie.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey. What's
goin' on there?

Huh? Oh, it's
just that I was--

I was really late this morning,

and I just didn't have time

to, you know, do myself up.

Oh. See you had time
to get yourself a bagel.

The thing is...

I really appreciate
what you did,

but I realized it just
didn't feel like myself.

Well, why didn't
you say something?

I tried, but you kept...

Hugging me.

But thank you so much.
It was very sweet of you.

No problem.

Actually, you know what, Dawn?
I'm sorry. Uh...

This isn't gonna work for me.

Pardon?

You know, you goin'
back to your old look.

It's kinda killin' the
buzz around here. You know?

- I'm sorry.
- Oh. That's OK.

Lunchtime, you go home...
get yourself fixed up.

But for now, let's
start with the hair.

Let--

No. Really. No.
No, let me just get--

- Carrie, I'm fine.
- OK, baby. You know what?

I'm givin' you
a little somethin'-

could you please just stop?!

I told you it just wasn't me!

Ahem.
Yeah, and I don't think

we should be married
to the concept of you.

Look, I didn't like
the makeover! OK?!

The shoes made my feet bleed.
My hair was always in my eyes.

I told you I was more
comfortable in a pony!

Yes. And a pony
is not a hairstyle.

OK?
It's a baby horse.

Oh, actually, a foal
is a baby horse.

OK.
You see, Poindexter?

Now, that's the attitude.

That's exactly why you haven't
had a date in the last years.

Little hug for--
Little lovin'. Little lovin'.

- Come on. Oh, dd, dd, dd--
- I don't want a little loving!

I just want you
to leave me alone!

Yeah.

OK! Yeah, right!

Run off!
Keep dressin' like that!

You're gonna die alone!

What're you all lookin' at?

- Huh?
- What's up with you, Marcy?

You have a problem
with your hydrangeas?

Didn't think so.
That's right.

What's up with you, man?

Boy, if somebody
doesn't start pedaling,

we're never gonna make it
to the old bridge by sundown.

Yeah. Look, Doug, this
has been a lot of fun,

but I really think we should be
headin' back to the city, huh?

And get stuck
in all that traffic?

Just relax. OK?

We're just... teamsters
out enjoyin' a nice paddle.

It doesn't get much
better than this.

We're headin' back in.
Come on.

- more minutes, man.
- No!

Come on.
Just until we see a duck.

We saw a duck!
What is your problem?!

What are you talkin' about?

I know what you said. OK?
You can "take me or leave me"?

- What?
- Yeah.

Don't play dumb, OK?
Deacon told me.

Oh, all right, maybe I
said somethin' like that.

I don't know.

You don't know.
He doesn't know.

Do you believe this guy?
He doesn't know.

OK, I'm outta here.
Oh, this is just great.

I go to all the trouble to get O'Boyle

to put us on this job, and
you're just "outta here"?

Wait. Hold on. You got
me assigned to this?

You're the reason
I'm missin' my kid's play?

Oh, please! That would've been
t*rture, and you know it.

Look, how can you not like me?

Well, I'm finding it
pretty easy right now, Doug.

All right, fine.
Don't like me.

- What do I care?
- Done. Thank you.

Will you-can you wait one second,
please? Stop the paddling?

Look. Just let me save
a little face here. OK?

Just... invite me
to your barbecue,

and... I'll be out of your
life forever. I promise.

No.
We're going back in.

We're not going anywhere
until you invite me.

Well, that's not happening!

- Oh, no?
- No!

Hey, what are you doin', man?!

Be careful!
You're gonna tip us over!

Oh, yeah? If I tip
us over, I will panic,

and I'm gonna bring your ass

to the bottom of this
lake like an anchor!

OK, stop it, man!
Cut it out!

No!
You invite me or die!

OK-OK! OK! You can come
to my barbecue! OK!

Want me to bring anything, or...

Hey.
Anything in the mail?

Uh, Sports Illustrated,
credit card,

bill, and somethin'
from the county.

Huh. It's an updated
restraining order.

Huh. Yours or mine?

Mine.

It looks like I can now get
within feet of Dawn.

Show-off.